-Chapter 24-
Under the Blue Hood
Bowser's Castle
Junior pulled Mary Pat through the halls of the Castle.
"C'mon, not much farther," Junior said.
"So, tell me about this Iggy," MP requested. "What's he like?"
"He's the head of our R&D department. Makes most of our gadgets and gizmos."
"Must be pretty smart, then."
"Of course, he's also a bit of a kook. He really likes playing up the mad scientist shtick."
"I see…" MP nodded. "Makes sense, though. Wouldn't be a Demon King's domain without a mad doctor."
They came to a door marked "Iggy's Lab". Junior knocked on the door.
"Iggy! Open up! Dad's got a project for you!"
The door opened to reveal a tall, lanky Koopa with blue eyes and a yellow and tan skin complexion, as well as a green head, a four-ribbed plated belly, a lime-green spiny shell with purple rings around the spikes, and padded feet. His most defining feature was large, black-framed glasses, along with light green hair with dark green fades at the tips, styled in a way that resembled leaves of a pineapple.
"Whoa…" MP just blinked. "You weren't kidding, Junior."
"Mary Pat, I assume?" Iggy asked.
"Yeah. You can call me MP, or Mips."
Iggy allowed them in. "So, Dad has something for me, you said? "
"Yep," Junior nodded. "We need MP augmented. Enough to go toe to toe with our elites
"I'm gonna give my brothers a good thrashing." MP declared.
"You sure you wanna do that?" Iggy questioned. "They're still your family."
Mips crossed her arm, her red-tinged eyes full of anger. "They abandoned me, abandoned everyone to live out their hero fantasy here. They deserve to get knocked off their high horse."
"You're not gonna end their games, are you?"
MP's jaw dropped in shock. "What?! No! Why the-" Whatever she was about to say was drowned out by Junior accidentally bumping into and knocking over a tray of tools, "-would I end my brothers' games?! I just wanna knock 'em around a bit!"
Iggy held up his hands in a placating gesture.
"Just making sure. Forget I asked." He cleared his throat. "Now then… KIERAN!"
At that, a black Shy Guy with a dark gray mask shambled out of the shadows. Even by Shy Guy standards, he looked extremely bummed out and depressed. MP leaned over to Junior.
"Remind me what that guy is?" she whispered.
"Shy Guy," Junior whispered back. "Eternally depressed and emo. Kieran here, especially."
"Yes, Mister Iggy?" Kieran asked in a voice that was somehow even more emotionless than the average Shy Guy. Iggy cleared his throat once. "Sorry...Professor Iggy?"
"That's better." 'Professor' Iggy nodded in satisfaction. "Now, kindly bring out the Koopa Soopa Suit and Thwomp Stompers, if you'd please."
"Yeah, kay..."
With that, Kieran shambles off again; Mips looking at him worriedly.
"Don't mind him," Iggy assured her, dismissively. "Shy Guys are all a race of droopy downers. It's just their nature."
"That…" she sighed, deciding that it wasn't worth getting in. "Okay."
"Here's the stuff, sir." Kieran came back, wheeling a high-tech suit of Koopatrol armor, along with a pair of teched-out red, black, and silver boots.
"Thank you, Kieran. That will be all."
"Yeah, kay." Kieran walked off.
"Whoa…" MP looked over the gear. "Look at that stuff…"
Iggy held up the boots, speaking like he was advertising an infomercial sale. "I give you the Thwomp Stompers! Equipped with specialized pneumatics and jet-propulsion technology, anyone who wears them can jump as well and as high as the Mario Bros."
"Sweet! Finally, a full pair of shoes!"
MP plopped down onto the floor, immediately removing the singular sneaker she had been wearing and tossing it into the nearby waste bin. She then grabbed the Stompers, sliding them on and tightening the straps. As she got to her feet to test them out, Iggy continued his explanation.
"I had a feeling you would like these. But you'll like them even more when you see what they can do."
MP paused her testing of the boots, noticing how they were a perfect fit. Her brow furrowed at the implications.
"Uh… should I be worried that these are my exact size?"
"Actually, they're auto-adjusting," Iggy clarified. "They'll be exactly anyone's size as soon as they slide them on."
"Clever,"
MP squatted before shooting up into the air as if jumping from a trampoline, nearly touching the ceiling. She landed hard, cracking the stone floor and taking a moment to steady herself.
"Holy-" Again, her words were cut off as a piece of the ceiling fell, crashing into the worktable after being dislodged by the mini quake.
"Yeah, they also provide a hell of a boost to your leg strength," Iggy said with a wince.
"And I'm already a bit of a runner," MP grinned widely. "Oh man, my bros aren't gonna know what hit 'em!"
"Check out the rest of the gear." Iggy gestured to the shell. "The Koopa Soopa Suit. The latest in Koopa Troop military hardware."
Mips raised an eyebrow. "Reminds me of those turtle shell backpacks back home."
"Could a mere backpack do this ?"
Iggy pulled out a remote and pressed the button, causing a big, black cannon to drop down from the ceiling and a blast shield to rise from the floor. Iggy ushered Mips behind a blast shield, and once they were in range, a large, black bullet emerged from the cannon. To Mips' shock, the bullet had eyes affixed in a permanent glare and little, gray arms.
"Oh, that's one of the Bullet Bills, isn't it?"
"Yep!" Iggy confirmed. "Watch what happens when it hits something."
The Bullet Bill launched from the cannon, striking the shell head-on and detonating with a massive boom. When the smoke cleared, the shell, despite being in the dead center of a large scorch mark, was completely unscathed.
"YES!" Iggy cackled. "That worked out even better than expected!"
"Whoa…" Mips rubbed her eyes before blinking. "It's not even dented… What's that thing made of? That Nintendo-whatever stuff?"
"Nintendium, yeah. Strongest substance in the Mushroom World. Can survive anything but the sun blowing up…maybe even that ."
MP gave him a look. "How do you know that?"
"Uhhhh…" Iggy began looking around frantically. "Oh yeah, the Zapper!"
He ran to the side before rolling out a weapons rack, containing various weapons clearly based on Nintendo products. Zappers, Super Scopes, a lightsaber hilt-like device resembling a Wii Remote, and nunchucks consisting of two SNES controllers tied together. MP whistled in astonishment.
"Okay... this is pretty cool."
"My old gaming peripherals. I wasn't playing with them anymore, so I gutted them and made them into high-tech weapons!"
That made her pause. "Wait, those are actual weaponized gaming consoles and junk?"
"I got bored."
She let out a small laugh. "Wow. I guess even in the Demon Kingdom, recycling is still a big thing. Props, dude."
Iggy nodded. "Alright, pick whichever ones you want. Just don't overencumber yourself, the Soopa Suit may boost your strength, but still…"
Mips looked over everything, her eyes wide and a large grin on her face. After a moment, she looked over her shoulder at Iggy.
"Is it bad I want all of it?"
Iggy grinned. "Not at all."
MP started putting on the suit. Gauntlets, bracers, a spiked shell on the back, and a blue-painted helmet shaped like a dome.
"Also, the helmet comes with a voice modulator. Dramatic effect."
"It does?"
Much to her shock, the voice that came out of the helmet was a much deeper one than her own. It had a metallic edge to it, and almost sounded like it was a man talking instead of a teenage girl.
"Whoa! I sound Hella evil!" Immediately, she straightened her back and began to play around with her new voice. "Luke, I am your father. Come to the dark side…we have cookiiiiiiiiiiies."
That got a chuckle out of Iggy.
"Ahh! That reminds me. This plan is a classic Vader gambit. So whatever you do, do NOT let your brothers learn your real identity until the final phases of the plan. If they find out too early, it could spell disaster for us later on."
"You guys have Star Wars here?" Mips then shook her head. "Nevermind. What matters is that if we're doing this Empire Strikes Back style, then I'll need something to call myself."
She looked at herself in the mirror, trying to figure out what to call herself.
"The Hood? No, too bland. Grim Avenger? Ewww…too edgy. Blue Menace? Ehhhh…"
"We'll work it out. For now, you might wanna hurry if you wanna meet them in the Koopahari Desert.
"Oh yeah!" MP nodded. "I need to hitch a ride. Who's in charge of that mission by the way?"
"That'd be Morton. He'll explain the details of the plan once you get there." Iggy grimaced. "Whether you want him to or not."
"Yeah…" Junior rubbed the back of his neck. "The troops call Morton 'Big Mouth' for a reason. He only shuts up when he has laryngitis."
MP smirked. "Oh, don't worry. I know how to handle blabber mouths."
-X-
Morton stuffed another donut in his mouth, reaching for another from the large box Mips had given him.
"An' show Roy shez...eff you luvviso much...why doncha murray it?" he said past a mouthful. "An' I shez..."
"On second thought, maybe I don't," Mips said, her eye twitching.
Koopahari Desert
In the middle of a vast desert decorated with palm trees and pyramids, a Warp Pipe emerged, spitting Mario out, the red plumber screaming as he landed in the sand. Luigi was flung out next, followed by Toad and Yoshi at the same time. A moment passed before Mario slowly raised his head.
"Worst. Trip. Ever. "
Luigi sat up, spitting out a mouthful of sand. Yoshi got up, then pulled Toad, who was stuck so only his body was visible, out of the sand.
"Why these dumb Warp Pipes randomly opt to act as cannons, I'll never know," Toad grumbled.
"Least that's all we'll have to worry about." Mario remarked.
Suddenly, they were facing down about a dozen spears.
"HALT!" a voice yelled.
Luigi glared at Mario. "You just had to say that, didn't you?"
The spears were being wielded by several Toads donned in ancient Egyptian-style garb and headdresses. One, clearly the leader, approached, brandishing a menacing-looking khopesh (1).
"State your business," he ordered.
"Hello." Mario slowly got up, dusting himself off. "I am Mario of the New Donk City Mario Brothers, and this is my brother Luigi. Our companions are Toad and Yoshi. We're here-"
"The Koopahari Desert is currently on lock-down," the Leader interrupted. "No outsiders are permitted entry. Leave now or be treated as a hostile."
"We're here on official business from Princess Peach," Luigi insisted, pulling the P-Wing from his brother's pocket. "Look."
He held up the P-Wing and the Leader went wide-eyed. He held up a hand and all the spears retracted.
"My apologies, Mario Brothers." He gave a small bow, his men doing the same. "Things have been... hectic since that loud-mouthed schnook Morton Jr. overthrew Pharaoh Bes."
Mario grimaced, turning away. "Darn it…"
The leader lifted his head, then turned toward the settlement just beyond the dunes.
"Come, we'll discuss things more in the city. It's not safe to be out in the open."
They followed the leader away from the pipe.
"Phew…" Toad removed his mushroom cap to wipe his brow. "This is hot."
"You ain't kidding," Luigi tugged at his shirt collar.
"You do realize that coming to the Sand Kingdom wearing long sleeved shirts and denim overalls wasn't the best idea, right?" the leader asked.
"We didn't exactly have time to pack," Mario deadpanned. "By the way, didn't catch your name."
The leader bowed his head. "I am Ayam Ah Phungi (2). Leader of the Medjai that serve Pharaoh Bes."
Luigi blinked. "Ayam. Ah Phun-gi?"
"Yes, and what of it?"
Luigi shook his head. "N-nothing. Nothing at all."
"So, Captain Phungi…" Toad perked. "Errr, Commander? General?"
"Captain."
"Captain, right. Can you fill us in on what's been going on? We know the Koopa Troop attacked, but..."
"They did more than that," the Captain interjected, terror and bitterness lacing his voice in a way that got everyone's attention. "I've never seen a Koopa fight like that. Such speed, such ferocity…"
"Whoa, hold up," Mario interjected, holding up a hand. "What are you talking about?"
The captain stopped walking, the memories making his eyes cloud over.
"It was not too long ago. Morton and his forces attacked the royal palace. We were holding our own against the Troopas well enough… but then... He joined the fight."
"Who's he?" Luigi asked.
"We didn't see his face. Only a hood, a blue hood. He was... laughing. Like a child with a new toy." He shuddered, adjusting his grip on his spear. "Our spears broke on his shell and he threw us around like rag dolls. And when we were down… He called us… A good warm up."
"Whoa…" Toad let out. "Sounds like some sort of Super Koopa."
Mario wasn't phased. "We've already beaten all of Bowser's elites, not to mention Larry. I think we can handle this Blue Hood character."
"Do not underestimate this opponent," Captain Phungi insisted, meeting Mario's gaze. "He treated the Pharaoh's elites like playthings."
That made Yoshi perk up. "What happen to Pharaoh Man after big fight?"
The Captain cringed, turning away. "Morton took him prisoner, and we were all thrown from the balcony before we could see what happened to him. We do not even know if he's alive or not."
"Odds are, he is," Toad spoke up. "He's just ah… Getting in touch with his wild side."
"But we will get him back," Mario swore. "Is there anything else you can tell us?"
"Morton and the Blue Hood were last seen heading for the pyramid."
Luigi groaned at that. "Let me guess. Scary, spooky place? Inhabited by mummies?"
"Boos have also been spotted in the area since the Koopa Troop arrived."
"And Boos are…"
"Ghostly entities. Most are neutral, simply enjoying a good scare."
"But not the ones that work for Bowser?" Mario guessed.
"Actually, they work for their ruler, King Boo. Bowser has long sought an alliance with him."
"Did Bowser get alliance with Boo King?" Yoshi asked.
"Considering they're where Morton is hunkered down, I'd say yes," Toad replied.
Luigi sighed. "Mamma mia…"
"Why do you keep saying that? And who's Mia?"
"It's just a figure of speech where we come from," Mario answered before turning to Ayam. "How do you stop Boos?"
"They dislike bright lights."
"Oh!" Toad rifled through his stuff, pulling out some flashlights. "Think these will work?"
"Nice one, Toad!" Mario pumped his fist, prompting the mushroom man to shoot Yoshi a triumphant smirk…though the dino looked more confused than anything.
"One more thing," Phungi cut in. "You should really change. There's nothing but desert between here and the Pyramid."
The others looked over their outfits, then winced at the heat.
"Hate to admit it but he's right," Mario said, tugging at his shirt uncomfortably. "We got out like this, we'll be dead before we're halfway there."
"I also recommend renting a camel," the captain continued. "They're hearty animals and perfect for journeys like this."
"Good idea."
-X-
One Shopping Trip Later…
The bros exited a local tailor's shop, dressed in thin, tan robes with red and green vests. Their caps were covered with red and green headdresses that covered their necks. Yoshi had a similar headdress on his head, and a satchel that held the bros' normal clothes. Finally, Toad was dressed in a similar robe, a similar headdress covering his mushroom cap.
"I do feel cooler," Luigi admitted.
"Alright, we're all set!" Toad said. "All we need now is the camel. Now, where are we gonna find a spit-horsey?"
"Hey you!" A smiley, blonde man suddenly jumpscared Toad from behind. He screamed as the man continued to grin. "Diiiiiiid I hear someone say they were in the market to buy and-slash-or rent a camel for a long and arduous desert expedition!? Hmmm?"
Toad, still reeling from the jumpscare, could only blink. "Ummm…"
"Was it you? It was YOU wasn't it?" The man pointed right at Toad. "We-heh-heh-heh-ell! You - my mycological friend - are in the best of luck!"
"Uh... I don't-"
"For you see...! You have just had the pleasure, the honor, the once in a lifetime chance of meeting the one, the only...!" He spun around excitedly before posing dramatically. "Friendly Floyd Fleecer! Owner, founder, and proprietor of Friendly Floyd's Koopahari Desert Expedition Supply and Bodega! And you are?"
Toad and Yoshi were still dumbfounded, but the bros were not impressed.
"Used car salesman?" Mario asked.
Luigi nodded. "Without a doubt."
"Good sir! I'm hurt!" Floyd put a hand over his heart, looking like a heartbroken maiden. "I am no used car salesman! … Nobody here owns a car. No roads, it's all sand. I only sell what people actually need! Learned that the hard way after my bout trying to sell light bulbs and toothbrushes to the natives of Yoshi's Island. Tried to pay me in apple cores."
In perfect sync, the bros crossed their arms and raised a single eyebrow.
"But that's not important!" Floyd continued. "What's important is you need to cross the desert and you need the stuff to do it! And I just so happen to have. That. Stuff!"
He snapped his fingers. "Chhhharlie! MMMaple!"
At that, a pair of humans practically materialized out of nowhere. One was a slightly portly, teenage boy about Mary Pat's age with light brown hair, brown eyes, and prominent lips. The other was an older woman with green eyes, a bright, blonde bobcut, and a mouth with a slight, cat-like curve to it. They were dressed in outfits similar to the bros, but with yellow and pink accents instead of red and green.
"Yes, Mister Floyd, sir?" they replied enthusiastically.
"Show our new friends the merchandise."
"Yes sir!"
Charlie and Maple ran off, then came back with a pair of forklifts, which they used to haul in a hastily cobbled together market stand, complete with numerous wares and knick-knacks.
"Here, we have the finest merchandise this side of the Sand Kingdom, on sale today!" Floyd shouted. "Come on down!"
Charlie held up a conspicuous looking vase. "Here, we give you our latest. Combination hookah and coffee maker. And it makes julienne fries!" He pulled out a potato and pressed the vase down onto it, slicing it perfectly and earning 'oohs' and 'ahhs' from the heroes. "Mmhmm! And this thing is resilient. Won't break at all!" He tapped it on the table to demonstrate…and it shattered immediately. "It broke."
"You realize that's coming out of your paycheck," Floyd deadpanned, causing Charlie to hang his head in defeat. "Maple, get the vacuum!"
"On it!" Maple reached under the stand and pulled out a vacuum cleaner, which she somehow managed to turn on, despite the lack of electricity. Unfortunately, it began sucking up the pieces and the sand.
"S-Sir!" Maple cried out as the bag began to bloat rapidly. "It's getting full!"
"Quick, turn it off!" Charlie screamed.
"I'm trying!"
"These guys are dorks," Mario said.
"Yeeeeah…" Luigi said.
Mario motioned for the others to follow him. "C'mon, let's get outta here."
"Now hold your horses!" Floyd shouted, having finally got the vacuum cleaner under control. "The vase may have been a bust, but there's still plenty more treasures in this trove!"
Mario sighed. "Buddy, everything we need, Toad has in his pack." He pointed to said Toad, who waved. "The only thing we need is a camel."
"Well why didn't you just say so! Here comes Maple with one now!"
Floyd gestured to Maple, who was still wrestling the vacuum with Charlie.
"Maple!" Floyd snapped, causing her to fall over.
"Sir!?"
"Customers! Camel! Stat!"
"Right!" Maple sped off again, and about a minute later, returned with a camel. The beast looked extremely bored and annoyed.
"Uuuuuugh...c'mooooon, move!" she groaned as pulled its harness.
"Charlie, don't just stand there, help the lady!" Floyd ordered.
"Y-Yes sir!"
Charlie ran off to help Maple, getting behind the beast and pushing.
"Uuuuuugh! C'mon Charlie...puuuuuuuush!"
"I'm trying, get off my back!"
But no matter how hard they tried, the camel refused to move... until it saw Mario and Luigi. Life seemed to return to its eyes and it walked over, making both Charlie and Maple fall over. It stopped short before the Bros., looking them over as Mario and Luigi looked at each other in confusion. Then it sat down, as if to let them on.
"Huh," Luigi said. "Didn't see that coming."
"D'aaaaaw, he likes you! That's perfect!" Floyd got right in the camel's face and proceeded to baby talk to it. "Do you want these nice men to buy and-slash-or rent you boy? Do ya? Do ya?"
The camel's response was to spit in his face.
"Say it, don't spray it," he said as he wiped his face clean, prompting Charlie and Maple to snicker behind his back. "Anywaaaaaaay…will you be buying or renting this...majestic creature?"
Floyd rubbed his hands together mischievously as he smiled at them. The brothers just gave him deadpanned stares as the camel let out a loud groan then spat again, right in Floyd's hair. Floyd's mouth twitched for a moment, but his composure remained unbroken.
"Why not take?" Yoshi suggested. "Camel not like scam man."
"Now, now, that's a no-can-do, my scaly, green bottomless pit," Floyd said as he waggled his finger at Yoshi. "I understand the concept of buying and ownership is new to your people, but I can't just give away my merchandise." He walked over to the camel and began patting its snout. "After all, I paid a lot of money for this sucker, so–"
Suddenly, the camel bit Floyd. Hard.
"YEEEEEEEOWWWWCH!"
He jerked his hand away, cringing. The camel looked smug as Charlie and Maple burst out laughing.
"Grrrrrrrrgh! Fine!" the grifter shouted. "Just take the dumb thing! It's more trouble than it's worth! Pack it up! We're leaving!
Floyd throws his arms up in frustration as Charlie and Maple got to work packing everything up.
"Uhhhh…thanks." Mario replied.
"Welp," Yoshi said. "We got camel."
"Yep." Luigi nodded. "I guess we go now?"
"Yes," Mario replied before leading the others off.
"Good luck stopping the Koopas!" Maple called out as they left.
"Think they have a shot?" Charlie asked.
"It'll take a miracle," Maple said with a sigh. "But, they said the same thing about Bowser."
"True…"
-X-
"What the Flip just happened?" Toad asked.
Mario shook his head. "Let's worry about it some other time. C'mon, we gotta get moving."
Luigi and Toad climbed onto the camel. Mario blinked, realizing there were only two seats.
"Oh... this is a problem."
"Is no problem. Red man ride Yoshi."
Yoshi stepped forward, motioning to the red, saddle-like shell on his back.
"You sure Yoshi?" Mario asked worriedly. "It's a long ride."
The dinosaur nodded. "Yoshi sure. Yoshi help."
"Well, okay."
He climbed onto Yoshi's back, finding the shell on it worked as a perfect saddle.
"Now, which way to the pyramid?" Luigi asked.
The camel immediately started walking off, startling him and Toad.
"Follow that camel!" Mario called out, prompting Yoshi to do just that.
Pyramid
Deep in the pyramid, Morton was pacing around, going on about the plan as an armored figure in the shadows stood, bored.
"Ugh, what's taking so long?" the figure groused. "Don't they want to save the Pharaoh?"
"It's a desert, remember?" Morton pointed out. "Bit hot for them to be running around in blue-collar bumpkin outfits."
"Fair enough, I'm just–" the figure's voice mod glitched out, his next word lost to static. "-bored out of my skull!
"Yeah, I know!" Morton chuckled. "Waiting's the worst! There's nothing to do except sit around and do absolutely nothing! You can't even play games out here cuz the heat'll fry your phone! All you can do is just sit here on your ass and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait…"
Though nobody could see it, they all knew that the figure's eye was twitching under his visor from the way his shoulders tensed. Suddenly, he perked, an idea forming in his head.
"Hey Morton, have you told Bowser about Bes yet?"
That got the Koopaling to shut up.
"Bes?" he asked, feigning ignorance.
"Y'know how he bit you and escaped. And you were flipping out about being bitten and how you were gonna die from-"
"Oh hey, I just remembered! I gottaaaaaaa...feed the plant and water my cat! Nicetalkin'toyaHoodseyseeyaroundhavefunbeatingtheStupidBrosBYEEEE!"
"Morton!" the figure called out, but he had already run off.
"I feel like we should be concerned about this," a Koopatrol said to another.
"Yeah…" his partner replied. "I think he's overwatering that cat."
The hooded figure facepalmed. "Idiots."
In the Desert
Meanwhile, Mario and co. were trekking across the desert, the camel moving at a brisk pace with a look of determination in its eye as Luigi wiped his brow .
"Mama mia…" he sighed. "We should've rented a camel with air conditioning."
"Maybe...we should wait...until night comes..." Toad panted. "Whew! Oh Grambi...this is awful..."
"No," Yoshi shook his head. "Bad idea. Hot in day, cold in night.
"And how would you know?" Toad fanned himself.
"Yoshi's home have desert. Know from experience."
"Oh. Well… This still stinks...or maybe that's the camel."
The camel snorted as if letting out an offended 'hmph.' Eventually, the group arrived at the pyramid.
"Whoa…" the Bros. let out.
"Mama-mia, that's big," Luigi let out.
"Think it's as big as the pyramids of Giza back on earth?" Mario asked.
Luigi shrugged. "Beats me."
"Maybe we can get a postcard or something for Mips when this is over."
"Okay, now to find the entrance," said Toad.
"But, there just solid stone." Yoshi pointed out.
The Camel let out a loud moan, then began pawing at the sand near the edge.
"Over here, maybe?" Toad suggested, the four beginning to look. As they did, the camel pressed a hoof against a sigil that looked like a scarab beetle. It slid inward and there was a loud thunk, then the sound of stone scraping on stone. Then, the ground beneath the four gave way as two unseen stone doors buried in the sand swung open, dumping them and the sand into a cavernous hole.
"...Found it," Mario said after a moment.
The tunnel sloped, becoming a long, dark slide that seemed to stretch on forever. Finally, after what felt like about five minutes of sliding, they were spat out onto a massive sand pile in a large, subterranean tunnel. Mario popped out first, spitting out a mouthful of sand, followed by a groaning Luigi and Toad, and finally Yoshi.
"Let's go again!" he let out, dazed. "Let's go again!"
As they spoke, oil basins ignited with flames, trailing along the walls to illuminate the area. It showed them to be in a very large room that almost looked like a throne room, treasures lining the walls along with toad-sized sarcophagi.
"Mama mia…" Mario managed.
Luigi whimpered, hiding behind Mario. "Where are we?"
"The heart of the pyramid."
The group perked at the distorted voice before looking to see a blue-helmeted Koopa seated in the throne, slouching with their fist on their chin and their leg folded over one knee.
"You're lucky. It's said only the Pharaoh's most trusted servants are interred in these sacred chambers. And you'll be fortunate to join them."
"I take it you're the Blue Hood the Captain warned us about," Mario remarked.
"The Blue Hood…" the figure chuckled. "I like that one. Yes. I am the Blue Hood. And you're the Super Mario Brothers." The way the Hood said their name made it sound like an insult. "You two don't look all that super to me."
"You one of the Koopa Kids' latest stooges, hoping to take me down?" Mario assumed an orthodox boxing stance (3). "You know you're at least the tenth guy to try this, right? Never works out for the Koopa who picks a fight with me."
"Maybe. But there's never been one like me, Mario. I'm something... different ."
Mario yawned, bored, before working out kinks in his neck and stretching his arms. "Alright. Let's get it over with."
"Yes, let's."
The Hood assumed a similar stance to Mario, only favoring their left side as opposed to their right. Luigi noticed that, his brow furrowing. Mario didn't care, instead charging right at the Hood. He tried a left hook, only for them to easily dodge. They followed through with a hearty punch to the gut. It was enough to knock the wind out of Mario and send him stumbling back. He coughed and wheezed, the Blue Hood just watching.
"Tapping out already?" the Hood asked in cruel amusement.
A moment passed before he shook his head, clenching his fists and getting back into it. "Lucky shot."
The Hood shrugged. "Whatever helps you sleep at night. So… wanna try again?"
"You talk too much." Mario darted forward, managing a jab to the ribs and landing a single hook to the face before the Hood ducked under another swing, darting around behind him and landing a one-two punch to his back.
"Mario!" Luigi screamed.
The Hood turned to them, smirking behind his mask. "Feel free to jump in and help him whenever you feel like it, Luigi."
A moment passed, Luigi's hands shaking before he steeled himself.
"And so the coward finds his spine. Maybe the two of you together will make this more fun."
Luigi took position by Mario, leaning over to him. "What's the plan?"
"Charge in, hit him in the face hard, see where it goes from there." Mario said bluntly.
"Yeah…" Luigi rolled his eyes. "I think it's time to employ a little strategy."
The Hood made a show of looking at their sleeve as if checking a watch. "I'm not getting any younger here."
Mario and Luigi huddled as the Hood waited, keeping their voices low.
"We'll flank him," Luigi decided. "You take him from the front, I'll get him from the back."
"Works."
They broke at that.
"Finally…" The Hood raised a hand, mockingly beckoning them with a "bring it" gesture. They circled him, both of them bouncing on their heels. They threw punches in practiced succession, but shockingly, the Hood managed to dodge them all. He then twisted around, sweeping their legs out from under them and sending them to the ground.
"Okay…" Toad let out, shocked, "at exactly what point did we lose control here?"
"Maybe someone should tell Hoody turtle we the good guys," Yoshi suggested. "We supposed to be winning, not him."
The Hood grabbed both brothers by their throats, hoisting them into the air. He then pulled them closer.
"You're not living up to the hype… guidos (4)," he whispered before tossing them across the room.
The brothers hit the ground hard, skidding a bit before coming to a stop. As they did, Mario got to his feet, scowling as he glared at Blue Hood.
" Guido?! That's our word! A slimy Koopa like you has no right using it!"
The Blue Hood almost seemed to be smirking. " Allora vieni e fermami. (5)"
Luigi perked. "That Koopa knows Italian…"
Mario made to slug the Hood in the face, but his anger made him sloppy and to defend against. He blocked Mario's blow, then grabbed him by the arm and threw him across the room once again.
"Mario... I think it's time for a tactical retreat!" Toad cried.
Mario nodded. "Yeah, I'm inclined to agree. Let's scram!"
They turned and fled into the darkness of the tomb as the Blue Hood threw back their head and laughed.
" Corri, corri, ometti! (6) Run and remember this defeat for the rest of your days! Remember this as the day you got your asses kicked by the mighty Blue Hood! May you never rise from the ashes of your shame and humiliation, Super Mario Brothers!"
He laughed evilly as their footsteps trailed off. Once they were gone, Blue Hood removed their cowl, revealing the sweating, smiling face of Mary Pat.
"Man, that was fun! No wonder Iggy gets such a kick out of this!" She then looked around, then stretched. "Whelp, I've had my fun. Better let Morton handle things from here."
And with that, she headed off in the opposite direction of her brothers.
-X-
Meanwhile…the heroes manage to escape to another part of the pyramid; all of them were out of breath, and more than a little bruised.
"What was that?" Toad asked. "Did we just…lose?"
"That Koopa was good," Luigi said. "It's like... like they knew all our moves!"
"They were toying with us…" Mario growled, punching the wall. "This was nothing but a game to them!"
"Game red and green man lose," Yoshi added.
"They won the battle, Yoshi. Not the war." Mario shook his head. "Next time we see that guy, we'll be ready to turn the tables on him."
"Her."
Everyone paused at Yoshi's comment.
"What do you mean 'Her'?" Toad asked.
"Hood is girl." The dinosaur tapped his snout. "Smell like girl. Yoshi sniff-sniff never wrong"
"Okay...so Blue Hood's pulling a Samus Aran," Mario said. "How does that help us?"
"It not help. Yoshi just like to be accurate."
Luigi looked contemplative, stroking his chin in thought.
"Well, accurate or not, we gotta find Morton, get his wand, and get him to tell us where the Pharaoh is. And the Hood's our best bet," Mario said.
"You wanna go back there!?" Toad asked incredulously. "You just got your butts handed to you!"
"You got any better ideas?" the red plumber demanded. "If so, I'm all ears!"
Just as he was about to answer, organ music began to fill the hall and a strange mist began to curl up around their feet.
"That's...weird." Mario looked around nervously.
"Yoshi not like this…"
"Mario...didn't Captain Phungi say this place was...h-h-haunted?" Luigi asked.
"He did... yeah…"
"N-now now... let's stay calm…" Toad said. "There are no ghosts here... not a single Eerie, or a Goob, or a... BOO!"
"Boo?"
Mario turned around just in time to see a massive white ghost with a massive jaw filled with massive, sharp teeth and a massive tongue hanging out. Its eyes were shrouded in black with only red pinpoints visible.
It let out a loud "BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!", causing Luigi to immediately jump a foot in the air, screaming in sheer terror...
Author's Note:
(1): An Egyptian style sickle-shaped sword.
(2): An Aladdin-esque pun name. Just say it aloud and you'll get it.
(3): In combat sports such as boxing, an orthodox stance is one in which the boxer places their left foot in front of the right foot, thus having their weaker side closer to the opponent.
(4): A North American subculture, slang term, and ethnic slur referring to working-class urban Italian-Americans. The guido stereotype is multi-faceted. At one point, the term was used more generally as a disparaging term for Italians and people of Italian descent.
(5): Italian for "Then come and stop me!"
(6): Italian for "Run, run little men!"
Needless to say, Mary Pat had some fun in this chapter. If anyone is wondering why Blue Hood is sometimes referred to by "He" or "They" despite being established to be Mary Pat, this is because the bros and their group don't know she's a girl until Yoshi points it out. But don't think this is the last the bros have seen of the Blue Hood.
Friendly Floyd is a character from the Super Mario Adventures. He was never given a last name, so we decided to give him one. Charlie and Maple are both characters from Nintendo 64 Mario Golf. Keep an eye out for them in the future. Kieran is a take on WindstarOsprey's OC Kieran Taylor, used with his permission. And yes, the Thwomp Stompers are from the 1993 Mario movie.
Voice cast for this chapter:
* Kieran - Griffin Burns (Vinegar Doppio from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure: Golden Wind, Dendritic Cell from Cells at Work!, Zeph from Octopath Traveler, Kanade Uryū/Metropoliman in Platinum End, Shinichi Kudo in Bang Zoom Entertainment's dub of Case Closed)
* Ayam - Jason Alexander (Abis Mal from Aladdin the Series, George Costanza from Seinfeld, Boris Badenov in the Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle movie, Sy Borgman in Harley Quinn)
* Floyd - Michael Donovan (Wes Weasley from Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, Kevin in 3-2-1 Penguins!, Phong, Mike the TV, Cecil, and Al in ReBoot, Master Roshi in the Ocean dub of Dragon Ball, President Adam Benford in Resident Evil 6)
* Charlie - Max Mittelman (Ryuji Sakamoto in Persona 5, Saitama in One-Punch Man, Kousei Arima in Your Lie in April, Hikari Sakishima in A Lull in the Sea, King from The Seven Deadly Sins, Ritsu Kageyama in Mob Psycho 100, Inaho Kaizuka in Aldnoah. Zero, Atsushi Nakajima in Bungo Stray Dogs, Io Flemming in Mobile Suit Gundam Thunderbolt, Kira Yamato in Mobile Suit Gundam SEED Remastered, Nacht Faust from Black Clover, Plagg from Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir, McBurn and Lechter Arundel in The Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel II, Shigure Rangetsu in Tales of Berseria, Troy Calypso in Borderlands 3, Peter Boggs in Grounded, Fidel Camuze in Star Ocean: Integrity and Faithlessness, Claude Wallace in Valkyria Chronicles 4, Louis in Code Vein, Red XIII in Final Fantasy VII Remake, Arataki Itto in Genshin Impact)
* Maple - Erin Fitzgerald (Nazz and May Kanker from Ed, Edd n Eddy, Francoise Arnoul/Cyborg 003 in 009 Re:Cyborg, Elesis in Elsword, Chie Satonaka from Persona 4 Golden onward, Abbey Bominable, Spectra Vondergeist, Rochelle Goyle, Wydowna Spider, and Scarah Screams in Monster High, Erica Anderson in Catherine)
Please R&R. Until next time!