She hadn't meant it. God, she hadn't meant it. Why did she say that. Why did she fuck everything up. Claire has asked herself this question every second since she watched Alice climb onto her motorbike and drive off into the distance without looking back.

Maybe if Alice looked back, she would have seen the frantic panic overtaking Claire as it hit her what she had just said and done to Alice. She had run as fast as she could in a desperate effort to reach Alice who was already long gone. Chris had to grab her and stop her from chasing off after her some more.

She hadn't meant what she said. She knows Alice would have told her if she even suspected that Doc was a traitor. Hell, she did tell her and Chris that there was a spy in the Tower but even then, she never suspected it could be Doc.

He tricked her. Used her. Everything between them was a lie. She thought he cared about her. That he loved. That she meant something to him. But that isn't true. "In a matter of minutes, Claire and everyone else will be dead." That is what he said when Alice confronted him about their relationship. How he mockingly said, "Sorry my love". When he realised, she heard everything.

He didn't care whether she lived or died. He was buying time with her until he could be free and go right back to working with Umbrella. He never loved or even cared about her. He didn't care about anyone in the tower. If Alice hadn't shown up when she did, he would have fled the tower and watched as everyone he spent years with succumbed to either the undead or Umbrella and he wouldn't have cared.

Her lashing out at Alice wasn't because she actually blamed Alice for any of this. No, she blamed herself for falling for Doc's charm and kindness. She let her guard down and if Alice hadn't have figured it out, they all might have died down in the Hive and Umbrella would have won wiping out the rest of humanity.

She almost screwed everything up.

Just like she did with Alice. Fuck. Why did she do that to Alice. Alice who spent so long alone terrified of her own abilities and not wanting to hurt anyone. Who carried the weight of the world on her back. Who was always there for Claire when she needed her. Who would risk everything to keep her safe.

Alice had confided in her one night how she hated not knowing her past. That it felt like she wasn't a complete person without her memories. Her childhood, friends, and family were all ripped away from her. She could speak languages but couldn't understand how she knew them. it hurt her to not know anything about herself. Like she was just a mesh of pieces shoved together and unleashed into the world alone to navigate it.

So, to find out the reason she didn't have any of those memories wasn't because of the nerve gas in the mansion but due to the fact that she had no past. That she was nothing but a clone of a dying woman wrecked her. Claire could do nothing in that moment as she watched Alice's entire world come crumbling down. How Issac gloated and taunted this over. How what little self worth Claire and others have instilled into Alice since the outbreak not allowing her to carry all the pain and guilt by herself. Claire could do nothing as it all evaporates out of Alice.

She knew at that moment that Alice would get the cure and release it. Not for herself. She had no worth in her own life anymore. Which isn't true at all. Even as a clone Alice is worthy more then all of Umbrella combined. But that isn't how Alice would see it. She would just see a chance to save others and put an end to Umbrella once and for all.

All of Umbrella. Herself included.

So, for Claire to use that against her. To accuse and vilify her. She knows her words cut deeper than anything. Even finding out the truth. She knowing used Alice's greatest fears against her without hesitation or remorse. It wasn't until Alice swore at her and stormed off that Claire finally understood what she had just said.

And now Alice is gone. Again.

Over time Claire had grown used to Alice's absence. They were forcibly separated after Las Vegas and after the Arcadia. But when she arrived in Raccoon City Claire had thought finally. Finally, there will be no reason for them to part again. That was until Alice mentioned the cure and was so set on sacrificing her own life to save others.

She had argued against it. Fought against Alice every step of the way. But in the end, she conceded knowing Alices was right. One life wasn't worth the rest of humanity, but God did she wish it was. To her it was. But she knows Alice. The guilt would have drowned her and killed her anyways.

But then Alice didn't die. She survived and Umbrella was defeated. The dead were dead, and everything seemed right with the world. They finally had a chance to not just be fighting to make it through another day. They were free.

Sitting on that rock she had tried to imagine what was to come next. She knew she needed to find out what happened to K-mart and the rest of her convoy. Umbrella took them somewhere, but she had no idea where to start looking. Alice would though. Alice always knows what to do. No matter the situation Alice will figure a way through it.

The only reason she and everyone she cares about are still alive is because of Alice. Though Alice might not see the lives she saves focusing more on those she was unable to help. Claire does. She knew it the moment they met that without Alice they would all be dead.

Las Vegas...

Vegas was a mess. A trap set by Umbrella, yes, but they would have eventually come for her and her convoy. Alice just made it happen sooner and stopped it from being worse than it should have been.

You don't get to use me to get a handle on your emotions. Not this time.

Those final parting words had felt like a gut punch. She knows full well what Alice was referring to. After the massacre in Vegas Claire had snuck off needing a moment to deal with all her emotions. Angry, rage, grief, pain, sorrow, regret and failure. She was in charge of looking after everyone and she failed them. Lead them into what was a clear trap. She lost nearly half of her people. It would have been all her people had Alice not expertly executed so many infected as she did.

Alice had offered to head into Vegas first. Scout it out to make sure it's safe enough to bring others in. But Claire had refused the offer. And she took all her people right into the heart of the monster's lair. It was stupid. She should have sent a team in first to secure the area and then bring everyone in. It's what she's always done. But she was tired. Tired of fighting. She needed Alaska to work just like everyone else and she pushed them all to go wanting to be in and out faster. To start the journey and hopefully avoid any more nightmares.

That didn't turn out the case at all in the end did it.

While everyone else was mourning Alice had come seeking her out. She had offered her comfort and Claire for the first time in a long time stopped pretending to be fine and just let herself feel everything she had been pushing down for years. Alice held her as she broke down in her arms surrounding her with safety comfort and understanding.

It was after Claire had regained control of herself and they had started heading back towards the others that Claire got tired of pretending. She could have died today. Everyone could have died and she's tired of always holding back. She liked Alice. How could she not. She was beautiful, smart, kind, caring and hadn't hidden how she looked over Claire the moment they met or anytime they've interacted since then.

Taking hold of Alice's arm, the redhead spun the older woman around to face her cupping her cheek and kissing her. Well, she says kissing her, but it was more like she descended on Alice with a frenzy, swallowing the air from her lungs her other hand scrabbling to find purchase against her neck, her chest, anywhere she could really latch on to. The former Umbrella soldier simply absorbed the turmoil, letting Claire pour years of fear, of frustration, into her skin, her lips into her in general.

Alice was quick to reciprocate the passion and frenzy. One moment of just two women attracted to each other emotionally and sexually coming together and letting go of everything else losing themselves in each other. A single moment of peace before having to face the convoy again and plan their next moves. A promise of what is to come when they finally find somewhere safe.

Which was now.

Claire knew why Alice didn't like Doc. If the roles were reversed, she would have been the same if not worse. She knew if Alice had even suspected Doc, she would have been on him faster than Claire could even blink.

She knows that. But the betrayal still stung pouring out of her in waves. A boiling volcano seconds away from erupting. She had trusted Doc. She had risked her relationship with Alice to be with him and he turned out to be an Umbrella spy planning on killing her, Chris and Alice. She fell for him, and he used her. She allowed him to use her.

She was stupid and angry, and Alice was there, and she lashed out at her. Now Alice is gone. Left into the horizon. Chris said Alice was going to come back in a week. Two at most. That she left something important behind in Washington and went to fetch it.

That was over a week ago and as each day passes the worry that Alice won't return builds turning her into an anxious mess. She needs Alice to come back. She needs to apologise for what she said. She needs her back and will do anything to have Alice with her again.

She's messed up what happened between them, but she can fix it. She can fix them. Alice just needs to come back to her one final time. Then they can have that relationship she swore to each other in the desert in a moment of desperation.

They could still have a chance.

And it's that tiny bit of hope Claire clings to as the days pass by waiting for the other woman to return.