Author's Notes: So wow, this chapter ended up with a LOT. I decided to keep it as is, because it felt right. You all understand I am sure.
Starting with another distant memory… It's one of those kinds of memories that has happiness intertwined with the sorrow. A formative moment that touches the soul, even if, at the time, you have no idea how much it will change you.
We then get to see more of Rhea's Cyberformation training, followed by a Spark felt talk with Arcee that has been long overdue. An interruption comes along in the form of an Autobot Soundwave absolutely hates. Then barriers between our two lovers finally fall to bring them even closer.
I love you all, my dear readers. Enjoy as always, and be kind to yourself and those you love.
"Your teacher is dead wrong. The boy doesn't have a crush on you, baby. He's just a brat," Her mom said with a pointed look she managed with only one eye.
Rhea knew that about her dumb classmate who continued to pick on her but was seemingly incapable of getting in trouble for it. Still, it was nice to hear confirmation from her mom.
Rhea sat in the hospital bed by her mom's side, trying very hard to avoid the many wires and IV's hooked into her paper thin skin. Once she carved out a small corner of the bed for herself, she reminisced to her mom all she had missed living so far away. It was school drama, but her and her dad were handling it. Mostly.
She also hated the feel of the hospital sheets. They were itchy and too thin to actually work as a decent blanket. But Rhea suffered them for her mom's sake. She would scratch away the feeling later… or, whenever her mom glanced away to peek at the door. They were still waiting for her dad to come back from whatever cryptic thing he had mentioned he was doing.
Her mom losing all her once thick black hair was something Rhea had to get used to. But she had. Seeing her mom's face hollow was also something she had to adjust to. She did accept that too. But the eye patch was very new. Something about the cancer again. Apparently, it had a habit of spreading and took a liking to her left eye. It was a greedy kind of sickness. It had already jumped around to almost everywhere else. Rhea had asked if her eye would get better after she was cured. Her mom just shrugged her thin shoulders and said the pirate look was in.
Her mom draped a bony arm around her shoulder and tried looking to the door. "Where's your daddy? He said he had some sort of surprise. He'd think he would know we don't like surprises."
"It's something on the roof," Rhea let slip.
Her mom's one good eye looked at her with a mix of intrigue and a hint of weariness. "The roof of the hospital? Oh lord, it's going to be that telescope I bet."
"Oh! That's right, the space station is going over tonight!" Rhea remembered. She fished in her dad's bag and found the Transistor. She flipped it on even when her mom groaned at the sight of the device.
"No alien's yet?"
"Nope, but it's just a matter of time," Rhea promised.
"Poor baby, you sound just like your daddy."
She pressed the call button to summon a nurse. Rhea watched, feeling rather helpless as two scrub clad ladies helped her mom struggle into a wheelchair. She left a note on her pillow written with a shaking hand. "There, now your daddy will know where we're going when he eventually gets back from spotting ET."
Rhea helped push her chair down the fluorescent lit halls. She also had to turn the Transistor radio's volume down because they were getting odd looks.
They arrived in the small and windowless room all the way down the hall. She liked to call it the party room, because it had a vending machine, a piano, and a boxy TV with a Nintendo 64 and three different games. Luckily, they were the only ones in the small space. They could remove themselves from the rest of the hospital for a time and tune out its annoying lights that never turned off and the sound of medical equipment. The stink of antiseptic.
Rhea moved the piano chair so her mom could park her wheelchair in front of the instrument. As she warmed up with some scales, Rhea quickly turned on the TV and plugged in Mario Cart. Her mom was struggling with her warmups. A little odd, considering she was a piano teacher. She was probably just tired. Rhea would be too if she was trying to sleep in a place like this.
Her mom finally started playing one of her dad's favorites from Kansas.
It's a strange aberration
this brainstorm of youth
Though it's lost in translation from fancy to truth
It's hopelessly human, both inside and out
A joyous occasion, no reason to doubt
It's easy somehow, what once was elusive is calling me now…
Her mom had to clear her throat between bars. But then halfway through the song, she dropped off abruptly. In Mario Cart land, Rhea was in the lead, so she could risk a glance. Her mom had her head in her hands, one good eye closed in frustration. "How did I forget the next part?"
Rhea stepped in without thinking, pressing her thumb hard into the controller to will her cart to take the sharp turn faster,
They're hopelessly human, both inside and out
A joyous occasion, there's no reason to doubt
When each word is read, would you know the difference
If nothing was said…
She could recite the CD front to back, even before it started skipping and they had to get a new one.
"Right… Thanks baby." Her mom picked up from that bar.
Rhea stopped playing after a blue shell slammed into her cart right before she crossed the finish line, sending poor Toad careening off the Rainbow Bridge. She instead went to sit next to her mom and helped her recall the lyrics so she didn't throw the controller through the TV.
She watched her mom's fingers struggle to find the right notes. She was definitely just tired.
Moving slowly, dancing aimlessly
Endless circle, turning fearlessly
Resurrected, falling down again
Introspective, I'm just stating my views
Now you can choose, what do you feel
Is it for real this time.
Her mom huffed, the short singing session winding her. But she still looked to Rhea with a grin, "You know your daddy had this band's whole roster playing during our wedding?"
Rhea was well aware. It was one of those repeating stories adults liked to tell. "I mean, I would have been fine with Pachelbel's Canon, but hey, what do I know? I've just been studying music for twenty years."
"Do you wish you had changed it then?"
Her mom pursed her dry lips as she thought, "Nope. Wouldn't change anything," She said with a chuckle. Oh boy. Her mom was getting that look again. "What kinda music you gonna have at your wedding you think?"
"Ew," Rhea said simply.
Her mom laughed. She opened her arms to invite her closer. Rhea hesitated. She didn't want to hurt her mom. She was basically made of glass. But she trusted her instincts. She leaned into the hug and even sat carefully in the chair with her. "At least let me dream baby. No matter how out there, where do you want to have your wedding one day? Money's no object."
Rhea considered that. How outlandish could she make this list to make any further wedding plans impossible?
"The Andromeda Galaxy," she said.
"Like, a space theme?"
"No, like, literally in the Galaxy next to ours," She clarified.
Her mom rolled her one good eye, "Ok, I'll check the bank account and see when we can swing that… Just you promise me something."
Rhea glanced up from the piano keys where she had been mindlessly plunking them. Her mom was tired, like her dad often was after working twelve hours a day. But she was still just as bright, especially her smile. "You just don't settle until you find you a man who can find a way to slow dance you under the stars."
"Deal," she agreed with a grin of her own. Good, she had devised her way out of a wedding after setting such a preposterous standard.
The wheelchair jolted, making them both yelp.
"This is a double kidnapping!" Her dad announced as he took the wheelchair from the room and rushed them down the hall with a mischievous grin. Neither of them had detected him stalking up from behind until it was too late.
Her mom clung to Rhea and her headscarf with what little strength she had left, "Slow down, Darius!"
"Nope, or we'll miss it!" he said as he kicked the elevator button to close them in.
"You have a damn heart condition! Slow down for that at least?" her mom hissed.
"My heart will deal with it! Plus, we need to make this quick just in case they change their minds about us going up here."
"It's the telescope, isn't it?" her mom huffed.
He kissed her pronounced cheek, "you know me way to well, you poor woman."
The elevator opened to the roof bathed in moonlight. The ambiance of Rhea's future impossible wedding. There were no helicopters rushing off from the helipad, so it was relatively quiet.
As promised, her dad's trusty telescope was waiting for them. He wheeled them right up to the looking glass and made a dramatic grand sweeping motion to it.
Again, her mom rolled her one good eye and peeked into the glass. She was struck frozen. Rhea took her in worriedly. Only glancing at her dad to see him smiling assured her somewhat.
But then her mom started crying. "You're such a loser," her mom laughed through her tears. He hugged her gently as she continued to sob.
Rhea peeked for herself while they were distracted. She had noticed the focus of the telescope wasn't aimed high enough for its usual purpose of spying on stars. Instead, the scope was focused across the roof and pointing to the next building over. Taped to the window of one of the rooms was the words "You're the brightest star in the sky, babe" and her mom's picture was pasted in the center of a yellow cartoon star.
Oooh. So that was why her dad asked her to cut out that paper star earlier. Impressed with her own contribution to the secret project, Rhea pulled her eye away from the telescope to turn back to her parents. Her dad had taken that opportunity to lift her mom out of the wheelchair. Slowly, silently, he gently spun them around in a circle as he used to do in their small living room before the cancer came to complicate life. But that appeared to be a distant thought as they continued to dance to a tune only they could hear. Rhea imagined it would be Hopelessly Human, by Kansas.
Date: May 10th 2020
Bumblebee
"Frag!" Grimlock snorted while kicking over an unsuspecting pile of data pads, "The one time I'm not getting drunk at Macadams bar, there is a fire fight and I miss it!"
Bumblebee snickered behind his terminal but didn't contribute. He wasn't technically part of the conversation. Grimlock was pacing as he did while on Comm, shaking the room and making everyone's job in Iacon's Archive more difficult. He also had a bad habit of having an open Comm. So in a way, everyone in the room was part of the conversation.
Bumblebee heard Sharpshot chuckle from the open line, /Well, it wasn't just any bar fight. It was an attempted assassination on Sovereign Soundwave./
Grimlock stomped to a stop, and Bumblebee had to right what the localized earthquake knocked over on the terminal in front of him. "Who was the Bot?"
/That's what's insane,/ Sharpshot noted, /They were two Cons. Though we have still yet to identify either of their designations… It didn't exactly scream 'government take over' to me. Way to disjointed./
"Weird as the Pits two Con's would want skinny Sounders scrapped," Grimlock agreed while rubbing his jaw hinge thoughtfully, "Screamer I get. Who doesn't want him dead? But Sounds isn't half bad."
"We checked for anybots missing from our roster," Bumblebee said loudly so Sharpshot heard it, "All names and numbers are accounted for."
He only added that detail due to one of the prevailing theories surrounding the event. Many thought the assassins could have been two Autobots disguised as Cons. There had been no grounds for this theory, other than the inability to identify the assassins, but it had been making its rounds regardless. With all the drama going on between the two minicon factions on Prion, they did not need any more tension.
"Con or Bot, I need any excuse to team up with your girl Silverwing again. Remember how fragging fun that was when that group tried whacking you? Ah! Such a great time! Seriously, I am dying with how quiet it's been. I never should have rejoined the Autobots. Too damn peaceful on this side of the fence," Grimlock grumbled, totally ignoring Bumblebee's contribution.
Again, Bumblebee turned to give the monstrously large bot a look, "Ultra Magnus had to jump through about a dozen hoops to get the rest of the representative party to agree to bring you back on."
Grimlock shot a deadly look right back, "Really Bee, you are a terrible eavesdropper. Can't a guy talk to a friend without having to whisper?"
"You're in the Archive! One of the quietist rooms in the building and you have the damn Comm on an open-" Bumblebee cut himself off, deciding it was not worth the argument. At least Sharpshot was enjoying themselves as they cackled on the other line.
Grimlock rolled his optics, but got back to his 'private' call, "Anyway, as I was saying… What we're going to do bud is this. Me and Silverwing are going to take you back to Maccadam's, get some drinks, lay back a little, just see what happens."
Sharpshot snorted a snicker, /So the plan is to use me as bait to draw out more assassins for you to flatten? I'll see if I can squeeze that into my schedule… What about you? Aren't you busy? You haven't even been planet side for a whole orbital cycle? Hence why you are just getting the assassination news now?/
Grimlock resumed his pacing. Bumblebee, along with a few other Archivists had to steady their work stations so they didn't topple. "Yeah, me and the boys have been in the outer rings, lookin' for the missing ships. Aside from the usual outer ring thugs and traffickers we haven't found scrap. They called us back to help 'greet' the outer colony bots comin' in later today, and I swear to Primus I have no clue why they thought we would be a good fit for that job. What about my faceplates screams friendly to them? But I just go where I'm told," he said with a vent. "After this scrap we're headed back out to space, but not before I stop by Earth to check in on the squirts."
/The Rescue Bots and the Burnes are really great,/ Sharpshot said, suddenly very candid, /Some of the humans there have been tracking down and excavating the remaining Predacon bones on Earth and sending them to Predaking for potential cloning. Silverwing has been there to help about ten times, and she has nothing but great things to say about them./
Grimlock took on a very rare persona of gentleness as he indulged in a proud grin, "Yeah, the kids are great. Really, you got to meet 'em. Like, in the whole of the damn universe, basically everyone has some scrap secret agenda. Not them though. We'll pencil in me dragging you to Earth too."
The two continued to shoot the breeze, all while Grimlock ignored the glares of the many Archivists until he finally hung up.
"All well?" Bumblebee grumbled.
Grimlock shrugged, "Yeah, all's quiet in Kaon again, unfortunately. I came back home after everything's settled."
"You know, most folks are happy to live in a relatively peaceful time," Bumblebee pointed out.
Grimlock grunted, "Good thing I ain't 'most folks'. And my boys would agree. Not much use for us killin' machines in peace time."
"Not true," Bumblebee insisted as he typed, "We all struggle to acclimate to the post war rhythm, but it's healthier over all."
"Primus, you sound like Sludge every time he comes back from therapy," Grimlock groaned.
"Then how about you head back to Earth now?" Bumblebee offered with a vent. "You're really just here to be extra fire power in case anything else, surprising, happens before the memorial. But since that attempted assassination nothing else has happened. I am sure it was just two wingnuts working alone."
Grimlock brightened considerably, "Now you're speaking my language, thanks. I'll gather up the crew and head for Earth. Though remember, we're just a Comm away. Please call if you even think something might go down. I've been trying to find combat stuff for the little tykes on Earth to practice. They are getting rusty with fighting…"
"You'll be the first I'll call if anything blows up," Bumblebee grumbled, getting back to work. One of his fellow reps had just sent him about ten documents to sign… and tasked him with retrieving a Con Lord's signature on a bunch of them. Not an easy task. But right, Soundwave was in Iacon right now, wasn't he? Why hadn't the rep done this himself? Soundwave wasn't that scary.
Grimlock's stomping stopped in the Archive's main entrance, prompting Bumblebee to turn to see what was keeping him.
"That little human Con, what's her name?"
"Rhea?" Bumblebee just assumed that was who he was talking about.
Grimlock nodded, "Yeah, right. Shots said she was there at the bar when scrap went down. She make it out ok?"
"She was fine," Bumblebee assured him. Rare for Grimlock to care, so he indulged his curiosity. "Soundwave was the only one who got shot, and that was superficial too. Ironically enough, it's helped to motivate her practicing weapons transformation. At least that's what Arcee reports. In fact, she's talked at length about how good she's gotten in such little time. Anything to distract Arcee from, other issues at least."
Grimlock bellowed a laugh, making most in the silent Archive jump. He was knowingly oblivious to the collective discomfort as he again headed for the door. "Anything to distract Cee from her current hate fixation. The last thing we need is the next assassin aimin' for Sounder's helm to be her. She's a better shot then most randos."
Bumblebee saw in real time his expression sour in the reflection of the terminal. "Let's not even joke about that. Please."
Grimlock left, still chuckling all the while. Bumblebee remained glaring at the screen as the tendrils of anxiety started to creep in. Soundwave was here with Rhea. Probably in the shooting range again. And Arcee would be supervising. He… Should probably check on them.
Rhea
The target exploded, and Rhea smiled. With her audio feedback turned way down, she no longer was flinching each time she fired.
"Good shot," Arcee praised, her voice audible even when the gunfire was not. Over the past few weeks, Rhea had learned a neat trick with her Cybertronian audios. She could select what sounds to prioritize and what to shove into the far background. She made it so voices took precedence in the Autobot shooting range currently. "Try shifting to the secondary blaster now. That's less of a spray fire and more of a direct range weapon."
Rhea just stared down at her servo, the many tiny mechanisms, which were once fingers, having shifted into the blaster she was practicing with. Ok. Why was this still so hard? She just glared at her blaster, mentally demanding for it to change.
Sensing her frustration, Soundwave was by her side. "It is less in your mind. More mechanical." He reminded.
Right, more muscle memory. It would have helped if she had gotten the knack for a full weapon transformation for more than two weeks tops. But eventually she did get it. Her servo shifted, painfully slow compared to how quickly everyone else around her could do it.
The concept of shooting also wasn't that hard. She had plenty of gun practice back on Earth over the years. She did live in the South after all, and she and Jack spent a good deal of time at the gun range. She would just have to wear multiple layers of ear protection normally. Manifesting blaster fire was remarkably like the mental hurdle of pulling a trigger for the first time. Once the fear was conquered, it was simple. Then it was just down to aim, and again, she had practice with that too.
She was also still worried about Arcee and Soundwave being in the same shooting range together. So far, there had been no exchange of not so friendly fire. They were both equally determined to help Rhea, though Soundwave was still apprehensive. That's where Arcee filled in.
Rhea fired at the target down range, feeling the explosive energy leave her. The sensation of a buzzing charge restored moments later, ready to fire again. That was handy because she missed the first shot.
"The first blaster you were using is more likely to hit with less effort, but it tends to eat up more Energon," Arcee warned. So, like a shotgun, minus the Energon stuff. Good to know.
"How's it going in here, buds?" Bumblebee said, cheerful as ever. Rhea didn't have to try as hard to shift away the gun, bringing her hand back. The yellow Autobot was smiling from the main entrance to the shooting range, some sort of ulterior motive hiding behind that big goofy grin. Thanks to the field, Rhea could feel Soundwave's frown before she saw it.
"Can we help you, representative?" Soundwave asked. Professional, but flat. He had been politically accosted by many Autobot leaders since arriving here, bugging him about this or that. It was hard to nail down one of the Decepticon Lords for business, and nobot was wasting this golden opportunity.
There were countless shooting ranges in Kaon. In fact, Rhea was sure there were more. Many fired back. But Arcee had suggested this one be the primary place they practice, and Soundwave was quick to agree. She assumed it had everything to do with the two assassination attempts that took place in Kaon she got swept up in. Maybe there were more would be assassins still hiding? Rhea thought if there was, couldn't they just come here? She supposed it would be harder to hide here in Iacon. Decepticon cities were a lot more hectic and easy to slip by unseen. It was harder to conceal illegal activity. Most of the activity in Kaon was illegal activity.
Bumblebee beamed at him, "As a matter of fact… There is this new mission report for the relic recovery on planet Prion that we really need one or, three signatures on."
"Can it wait?" Soundwave growled.
Bumblebee nodded, still smiling, "Not at all. We are receiving word the two Minicon camps there are now taking turns kidnaping each other's higher officers and then staging elaborate rescue missions back and forth right after. I don't even think they remember they are sitting on a relic of the Primes anymore. This is all a one-upping game now."
Soundwave vented. He gave Rhea an apologetic gaze.
"No worries. I'll be here," she promised. Arcee caught his optics and nodded once.
He walked after Bumblebee, ghosting his fingers along the small of Rhea's back as he went. The plating that made up her body's first layer sort of flared before clamping flat against the second layer. She assumed that was the Cybertronian equivalent of a shutter. That or goose bumps. It was equally as pleasant.
Once they were gone, she refocused on her shooting instructor.
"The relic on Prion is still being difficult?" Rhea asked. She shuttered her optics to make them zoom in on her new target. She would still be in the loop if she hadn't been so busy with the transition. Soundwave had relieved her of basically all duties, somewhat against her will.
Arcee moved her aiming servo a hair higher before she fired, "It has one impressive shield around it apparently. It's either to keep everyone from getting to it, that was a perfect shot, just like that, or it's to contain the power of the relic itself. Probably both. We should be able to yank it out of the ground to see for ourselves soon enough. If the two Minicon factions don't kill each other first."
She remotely brought up another target from the floor with a swipe of a touch pad. "We called in other Autobot representatives from satellite bases who will take over the project in a few cycles. It's just a matter of waiting for clearance, the endless bouts of paperwork…" She gave Rhea a sly smile, "One thing I can say the Con's have right, they don't really care for the bureaucratic scrap. I'm kind of jealous."
"Eh, it's not always a good thing," Rhea offered with a shrug, struggling to bring the gun from her other servo. "I feel like I'm turning into the Agent Fowler of Kaon. Sometimes regulations are there for a reason. Like, if the building is already at capacity, why are we adding another wing? Does it need roof turrets too?" Arcee chuckled as Rhea fired her frustration down range, "And of course we share a boarder with Predaking, who takes any suggested rules as a scathing insult. Or, a personal challenge to himself to see how fast he can break those rules."
"Well, at least you only have to deal with it forever," Arcee said.
Rhea snickered in kind, "I'm a master at tuning out annoyances. I have a feeling it's how Soundwave has dealt with the chaotic antics of the Decepticons for this long."
Arcee fiddled with the range screen, falling back into silence in the interim. Rhea found herself staring. The tension between them had gotten considerably better, but it was still present. She was tempted to inch her field closer, just to see what Arcee was thinking behind that steely expression. She decided to take a more human approach. It was what she was better at. Or at least, sort of. "Is everything alright now, ya know. Between all parties involved?"
Arcee stopped typing. But she didn't look up from the screen. So, that probably wasn't good. At last, Arcee vented. "It isn't you, and I'm sorry I've been taking it out on you for it."
"Soundwave really isn't forcing this," Rhea tried to explain, "I basically twisted his arm the last time."
Arcee managed a humorless laugh, "That's just it. The problem isn't him either. He's just a very convenient target."
"Then… What is wrong?"
Arcee let her hand drop from the screen, venting again as she gazed down range, "Your transformation is very much against Autobot ethics. And, I'm not supposed to say this next part, but, it will probably help explain things."
She found Rhea in the corner of her vision. It was enough to break down the rest of the wall, "We've had several closed-door meetings about it. Even when your Cyberformation was just a concept, an ethics committee was formed to discuss it. Since I've been so close to the situation, I've been present at all these meetings. And if you were wondering why I'm always stalking around to rain on you and Soundwave's parade? Well, it's not exactly by choice. This committee deemed a representative should be at each one of the Cyberformation attempts, and as luck would have it, they picked me. I then relay everything I find back to the group, and we discuss it more. What they talk about covers basically everything I have been jabbing at Soundwave about. The power imbalance between your rank compared to Soundwave's. Potential coercion from him. The whole playing god aspect from Shockwave. The overall just not ok-ness of imposing our culture and social standards on, and please don't take this the wrong way, a 'sub class' of intelligent life forms. Again, I didn't coin that phrase, but you get the point. We've talked a lot about it for over a decade. It was basically decided that if it had been literally any other Con doing this. Anyone OTHER than one of the Decepticon Lords, we would intervene and forcefully stop it. But your wellbeing was weighed against the treaty's standing. Big shocker, the treaty won out."
Arcee broke their shared gaze and landed her focus on some still smoldering target. Rhea didn't interrupt. "But beyond all that, I was hoping it would have failed. And it wasn't because I am some pillar of moral standing. It's not because I think Soundwave is strong arming you into the decision. It's because, if it's possible, which we have established it is, then that means there is a way to not have to face the day when the humans I've grown so close to will one day just not be there. And comparatively, it's really soon.
"If… When, you make this change permanent, time is going to gain a whole different meaning to you. Decades, eons will fly by in the blink of an optic. A four-million-year war will be terrible, but not mind boggling like it would be for most other races of people. And worst of all…" Rhea felt Arcee's already reserved energy field retreat even closer to herself. But she caught the hint of true sorrow before it vanished out of reach, "No matter how hard I will try not to forget, one day I'll wake up from recharge, and I just won't remember Jack's name. Or his face. Or Miko's jokes. Or Raf's genuine nature. It will just be gone to time. Maybe Earth will be too, or humanity will have evolved into something totally different. But Cybertron will be the same. And so will I.
"But now, there is a way out for me, so I don't have to face that day. But at the same time, it isn't an option for me. Because I'm Autobot, and my side has deemed it immoral and off limits. I have stood firm on this side ever since it was conceived. I have hated the war, the Cons, and maybe loads of decisions the Autobot faction have pumped out, but this… This has been the only thing that has made me almost waver in my resolve. I don't want to lose Jack. But I also don't want to tell him to give up his whole life for me."
She closed her optics and pinched the bridge between them, "It is totally selfish. It has been way easier to just push this all onto Soundwave and his Decepticon nature. To tell myself over and over that he is an immoral, selfish Con scrap heap who just takes what he wants and ignores the consequences. Conquers and twists things to his benefit. And here I am, secretly wanting the exact same thing. My enemy gets to have his unchanged life, and you, for the rest of forever. Call me jealous because that's what it is."
She came back around. Turning to give Rhea an apologetic half smile that dropped off just as quickly, "So, that's my rant. That's my reason for hating this whole thing. I've just been quietly having an existential crisis while you and Soundwave waft lovey dovey optics to each other."
Rhea hadn't considered any of that. Of course, Soundwave had figured there was some sort of higher Autobot group trying to intervene, but he had been so unconcerned about it Rhea didn't bother giving it much thought either. She felt stupid for not realizing it earlier. How hard this would be for all the Autobots. How Soundwave, someone who had been their sworn enemy for over four million years, and just stopped being that a little over a decade, was now getting everything he wanted, while they just sat by stewing, and watching their human friends die.
"Have you talked to Jack about any of this?" Rhea ventured to ask.
She shook her helm, "No. I felt like it wasn't my place. It isn't my place to ask him to even consider it, though I'm sure he already has. If I ask him, I feel like I'd be the biggest hypocrite in the universe. It would mean I thought what he is now is inferior to me, and I was trying to 'fix' him. And even if he did agree to change, well, then I would have to convince Raf and Miko to do the same. And what about their parents? Their friends? I wouldn't want to condemn them to watch all their family and friends age and die as they stood still. So, everyone gets a Cybertronian upgrade. Then the next thing you know, the whole Earth is Cyberformed. Which was exactly what Optimus and the rest of us literally fought Megatron to the death to stop. Earth isn't Cybertron. It shouldn't be. Who am I to keep Jack from following his fellow humans into your human All Spark if that's what you were meant to do? What if there is some grand system like ours, and we mess it all up on a cosmic level, all because we didn't want to say goodbye?"
Rhea knew she had to say something. Arcee was drifting away into a very dark place. But when she activated the voice box in her throat, what she said even surprised her, "I don't remember my mom's face very well," she admitted. It at least got the desired effect. Arcee started to come back up to listen, "She died when I was a kid and child memories tend to be fuzzy. Call us humans lazy that way. But you're right. It's strange, knowing this important woman existed and loved me, but just isn't here anymore. And then my dad died too. That was almost fifteen years ago. And ya know, even though us humans don't live that long compared to you, it still feels like it's been forever. And some days, it feels like it just happened yesterday. When I make this change, I won't see them again for a really, really long time. I don't even know if there would be anything left of them. Our human afterlife is a little foggier than yours."
"I'm, sure there will be. Your parents that is," Arcee stammered. She was trying hard to be assuring, though it wasn't exactly her strongest skill set. But she tried anyway.
"Thanks. But, long story short, I don't think there is any set way to being human. Or being Cybertronian. I'm probably wrong. I may be spitting in the face of nature and God right alongside Shockwave all because I want to hang out with Soundwave and Laserbeak for the next billion years. But, I can only do what I feel is right by me. Will I regret my decision later? Maybe, and that will be my burden to bare. Will I miss being human? Almost definitely. I love the State Fair food way too much not to miss it when I can no longer eat. But do I think this is 'improving' myself into a higher being? Not at all. That has actually been the most shocking aspect of this experience. I'm still me. I'm in a really strange body, but my brain is remarkably the same. Like, I almost expected my sensory disorder to go away, and it sure hasn't. So, I still feel human. Maybe I'll just be human, plus Cybertronian."
Arcee cracked a smile, "That's a really positive way to look at it."
"But I don't want to keep making you uncomfortable," Rhea insisted, "If this is too much for you, you really don't have to stay. I want you here, but I don't want to hurt you. I don't want you to doubt being an Autobot. You're my friend, so I also want to do right by you."
"I could check my jealousy at the door," Arcee pointed out. "And I can always make do with continuing to poke Soundwave with a hypothetical stick every chance I get. It has done wonders to lift my abysmal mood."
"I would say go right ahead, because he's a big bot and can take it… But I think you have been getting into his head. He's been hyper focused on my human experiences since you brought it up, even when I plead with him not to."
"Good," Arcee said with a victorious smirk, "Then I'm doing my ethics committee appointed job. Just, if I could ask something selfish of you personally, even if it's lightyears away from being my business."
Rhea nodded.
"Put off the permanent switch for as long as possible. If you will have regrets about the change, maybe that will help make it less in the future."
"It's a deal," Rhea agreed. It wasn't far off from what she had planned anyway. "When my human body starts acting up, I'll jump ship."
Arcee laughed. "Sounds like a plan. I'll switch my guilt trip up with Soundwave to fit accordingly."
The air felt lighter. Rhea was very happy about that.
Arcee's field flared with a jolt. What was wrong? She was startled, like someone had snuck up and grabbed her from behind. Very soon, however, her energy relaxed after she turned towards the entrance. "Oh Primus." She hummed in that 'trouble is coming' kind of way.
Of course, Rhea looked, wondering if putting away her gun before was a good idea.
There was a bot leaned very casually against the open entranceway, servos folded as he observed the two. Who knows how long he had been standing there. His presence was well hidden, from field and sound. Then again, Rhea did have her hearing turned down and was buried in a very emotional conversation, so not noticing the stranger was kind of on her.
Once he was spotted, he sauntered into the range like he owned the place. He had an Autobot emblem prominent on his white chest. Rhea also couldn't see his optics. Much like Soundwave had, this bot had what looked to be a retractable optic visor, and he currently had it engaged. The shape of them made him look like he was wearing brand name shades. His smile that dripped casual confidence fit Rhea's mental depiction of him on first glance.
"Long time no see, Cee. Sorry to interrupt… Feels like real emotional progress in here." He said, voice smooth as a saxophone solo.
Arcee just rolled her optics, "Rhea, this is Jazz. He was special opps during the war, mostly working in communications and with a specialty in saboteur work. He's one of the ones we called in to investigate the vanishing ships… Though I'm sure he would have explained that all himself if I hadn't beat him to it. I saved us a long-winded introduction."
Jazz fit his name. His following chuckle resonated in a slow, laid-back kind of way, "Thanks for the introduction, Cee. But promise, I would have made it brief… I'm more interested in this one." He gazed down the shooting range and grinned, "Never seen you before, sharpshooter. You don't match anybot in my data files for this base. I should fire myself for missing you."
No matter the species or galaxy of origin, Rhea recognized flirting when she saw it. "I'd imagine I wouldn't be. It's not my base. I also wasn't around for the war."
"Stayin' out of the drama then? I can dig it," Jazz assured her with a smile, "Wish I could say the same. But Somebot always needed me for one thing or another. Did I catch your name right? Rhea? That's exotic, never heard it before. You from Caminus?"
"Nope, Earth." Rhea corrected, but left out any further detail, wanting to see how he'd react.
As assumed, he was confused, "Didn't know we had a colony there before a few orbital cycles ago. I must really be behind the times."
Arcee was just getting off her private comm with someone, her face more amused than she had any right to be, "Complicated doesn't even begin to describe it, Jazz. This is also the Conjunx of Soundwave," She shared this last detail to either bring the flirting to an end or quickly warn him what he was getting into. Either way, Rhea appreciated the help.
It was also the first thing that legitimately seemed to throw Jazz off. She was sure his optics were wide behind his visor, "The Con Soundwave? The guy I was always trying to hack around in the data net? Never would have guessed him for the relationship type… How do you talk to the guy? I'm guessing you do all the talking for both of ya," he had recovered from his lapse in confidence and bounced back, "So then you rockin' the Con side? Or did Soundwave's charm win you over from our team?"
"Neither," Rhea said, "I'm a hybrid integrating into Cybertronian culture."
Jazz only smiled wider, "Hybrid of what? The word's 'gorgeous' and 'beautiful'?"
Rhea mentally sighed. Oh boy.
Soundwave
He should be hurrying this along, but his damn attention to the small details had trapped him about halfway through the Autobot document he was supposed to sign. They had made a glaring error and clashed against Decepticon codes and now he found himself fixing it. He would have assumed the mistake was a purposeful attempt at sabotage if it hadn't been so glaringly obvious. No, this had just been from a lack of intelligence somewhere down the line of the Autobot chain of command. He was surprised whichever Autobot had typed up the file managed to spell 'Cybertron' correctly.
Bumblebee was patiently waiting, rocking back and forth on his heel struts, "Rhea handling ok?" he asked out of the blue.
"Very well," Soundwave answered without gazing up from the data pad, "She's making incredible strides." It was true, but Soundwave felt he didn't have to elaborate. It really wasn't any of his business.
"She seems enthusiastic about everything," Bumblebee agreed, still talking about it, apparently intending to make it his business, "how about you? You holding up ok?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
He caught the Autobot shrug in his peripheral vision, "You've been stressed over it. Arcee hasn't really helped much I'm sure… The few close calls with the mind transfer and all. And Miko says Laserbeak is stressing over some human culture stuff. It's a lot."
"I appreciate your concern," he really didn't, "But I have everything under control."
"I'm sure you do," Bumblebee agreed, "Just thought I'd let you know, if you need any support, I'm all audios. Sometimes Raf says stuff I just don't get, mostly because of the culture barrier. And I only catch about twenty percent of what Miko talks about. And that's after I spent loads of time on Earth. If you ever need someone to bounce it off," He then gave Soundwave a playful bump with his elbow joint, "I can be your human awareness buddy."
"Noted," Soundwave brushed off as quickly as he could. He really didn't want to focus on what Bumblebee was forcing them to discuss. He already knew he was missing massive gaps in his relationship with Rhea, especially on her side. And his mention of Laserbeak's 'stress' wasn't ideal because-
'It would be a waste of time to insert the Autobot into our efforts, Master,' Laserbeak agreed, jumping right in as Soundwave feared he would. 'But he does bring up a good point I have been meaning to examine. You are still spending a considerable amount of time obsessing about the odd sensation we detected in Rhea's field during the second test. I believe that is a pointless endeavor which we have already reached a dead end regarding. My recommended best course of action would be to simply expedite the Cyberformation process before those feelings of lacking human interaction start to negatively affect Rhea.'
Soundwave inwardly frowned. 'I do not like the idea of ignoring her needs in favor of our own.'
'But, Master… You cannot satisfy these needs.' Laserbeak felt the need to remind him. 'Or at least, not in a practical way.'
He was correct, but still, ouch.
'I have actually been considering that, and I tend to disagree,' he admitted.
Laserbeak chirped, peeked with interest as the Autobot continued to ramble on in the background. 'How so?'
'There are means for me to explore more human interactions, at least temporarily. It is limited, but there is potential to expound on.'
And worst-case scenario, they could get 'creative' as the human Miko had suggested. He just had no clue how to approach that.
The thought experiment and Bumblebee's ranting in the background were cut short as an incoming comm from Arcee pinged them both.
/Just a helms up, but Jazz has arrived with the outside group of reps, and he is currently "introducing" himself to Rhea. And he is laying the Jazz swagger on thick./
Jazz?
A distinctly smug and shootable faceplate popped into the forefront of Soundwave's mind after a very long time of what he thought was successfully repressing it. Endless cyber battles, actual battles, sabotage, extensive damage to Decepticon systems Soundwave would have to set aside whole cycles to fix over the duration of the war.
That Jazz was here. Not dead and rusting in a ditch somewhere, as Soundwave had hoped when their back-and-forth game came to an abrupt end.
That Jazz was flirting with Rhea.
Soundwave considered that for only a moment. Then he abandoned the document to instead bolt back to the shooting range as fast as he could without literally transforming to fly there. He hadn't even noticed Bumblebee had followed him until he was in the doorway to the shooting range as well.
And tragically, Arcee hadn't been joking. The Autobot saboteur was there. The bot who personally had been a colossal pain in Soundwave's aft for a considerable deration of the war. Planting viruses, disturbing troop formations, or even, somehow getting onto the secret Decepticon frequency and spamming catchy music on a loop. And now here he was in person, leaning far too close to Rhea and advertising his flirtatious aura so strong it was noticeable from the doorway.
He was across the room in a flash and stepped in between them. He didn't have his optic band engaged, so his glare was on full display. His aura wasn't much friendlier.
The Autobot Jazz appeared immune to both nonverbal attacks, brightening considerably and smiling up at him. "Soundwave! We were just talking about you. How have you been since kickin' the whole silents deal? It's strange being in a position where we don't have to fight to the death every time we bump into each other anymore! It's kinda nice. Hiya Laserbeak!"
The minicon didn't deploy to open fire, but Soundwave felt his deep seeded desire too. Instead, Laserbeak made do with a hissing squawk aimed Jazz's way. But Jazz must have been a special kind of stupid, because he didn't flinch away, even when it was in his best interests too.
Then Jazz found Rhea in his focus again, even with Soundwave blocking him, the absolute fragger, "We were in similar lines of work during the war, so we tended to bump into each other a lot.' He bellowed a sudden laugh, "Oh Primus, there was this one time that still gets me… Soundwave, remember when I managed to sneak onto the Nemesis and planted a bomb-"
"-So it's really good to see you again Jazz!" Bumblebee wedged himself squarely between Jazz and Soundwave. At least this Autobot could sense murder when it was only a few kliks away from being committed. Arcee could see it too, but she appeared far too amused to stop it. His poor Rhea was just annoyed. "But, I think Magnus needed you to debrief before the meeting starts. Weren't there some reports you needed to log?"
"Always," Jazz vented tiredly, "I've been investigating some off chatter in the outer rings. May or may not have to do with all the ships disappearing. The work is never done, you feel me?" His smile returned, unfortunately. "I'll catch up later… It was a pleasure to meet you, Rhea. And I'd love to meet your human half too sometime." He strolled back towards the exit before Soundwave could talk himself into shooting him despite the treaty.
"Wow," Rhea spoke up in the smoldering quiet, "That first half was him just flirting for flirting sake, but the rest was one hundred percent just to piss you off," She said to Soundwave very matter-of-factly. Much like Jazz's many mischiefs, it had worked far too effectively to get under Soundwave's plating.
"Um, I'll just send you a copy of the updated codes to sign," Bumblebee offered.
Rhea was tugging on Soundwave's servo to try and get him to thaw. "I think that's a good idea."
Rhea
She made sure the connections of her little pod were still all broadcasting. Thanks to Autoclave's continued work with Shockwave, her human body was now capable of being moved from the laboratory. As long as it remained inside the pod it could be taken to really any location. Any location with air that was. The pod only had so much contained inside, so for now Soundwave's airtight tower was where it was safest.
After switching back to shove a sandwich into her face and use the bathroom, she returned to her metal form and took her seat next to Soundwave. His whole essence was no longer smoldering from the Spark outward, so that was a good sign. Now he was just agitated, glaring out the massive windows over Kaon from his couch.
"I never mentioned him before. Sorry I was unable to warn you about his, antics," Soundwave grumbled between sips of high grade. That had been Rhea's idea. He looked in need of a stiff drink.
She settled into him, head on his chest and clicking the tips of her fingers along Laserbeak's wing. It really was amazing how not uncomfortable the metal furniture was. Not having skin or muscle really made all the difference.
His free servo came to drape around her form, absentmindedly stroking the back of her head, and her nonsense thoughts about metal couches faded away. "I went to college. I can handle flirty and self-important guys." She promised. The comment got him to relax more, and he shrugged the shoulder her head wasn't leaned against. "But hey, look on the bright side? No more war means you two don't have to hack into each other's files and secure info anymore, right?"
He took another fatigued sip, "I like to pride myself for my self-restraint, but I regret every cycle I did not successfully shove him out of an airlock into an imploding super nova. The war was horrible in so many ways, but that Autobot was in my top three worst experiences about it."
"I mean, come on… Other than being annoying how bad could he have been?"
Laserbeak beat him to the punchline, 'The fragger once inverted my internal navigation systems from a remote hack, forcing me to fly back to the Nemesis backwards. Through a fire fight.'
"I still do not know how he managed to hypercharge every. Single. One. of the energy blasters in the Nemesis' weapons vaults. The amount of damage done that cycle was what made me start work on such an extensive network of surveillance cameras throughout Megatron's ship," Soundwave added with a grumble.
It was taking every ounce of will power on Rhea's part to dampen her inner laughter. She played it off by tisking thoughtfully, "Well, we are trying hard not to have the war restart… But if it does, it couldn't hurt to have him on the top of your hit list."
Finally, she got him to smile. True, it took the suggestion of murder to get him into a decent head space. But still, she claimed her victories where she could.
He finished his drink and pulled her closer. It had been a month experiencing all of this, but everything still surprised her, no matter how many times she went through the motions. The Bond for instance… She felt delightfully tipsy despite not having a sip of anything. But Soundwave had, so she was experiencing it through him.
She lulled her head up and saw the still fresh weld scar on his shoulder. The shot he took from the assassin in order to protect her. "Things are hectic right now, I get it," she hummed, running her hand gently around the healed mark, "But if it ever settles, I want to go somewhere."
"Where?"
"I have no idea. Earth, Cybertron, somewhere even farther?"
"No place is too far," he assured her, lip plates grazing the crest on her head.
Their moment was ruined, as it often was these days, when she felt his mood shift towards the irritated. Because someone was calling him. She assumed it was about Prion. It always was, but there was a chance it could be any other number of things. The assassination attempt, the upcoming memorial, more continued issues with lingering regulations in the Concurrence not even Shawn could topple.
She waited, quietly leaned against him as he grumbled into his Commlink. She caught the gist. The Autobots were arranging a prompt to meeting now that many of their new reps had arrived from off world. And one of those reps was Jazz. She could already feel his mind smoldering all over again as he ended the call without a goodbye.
"Duty calls?" she tried to say in a lighthearted tone.
"I am only sorry it is taking me away from you," he admitted. And she felt more, even as he cut himself off. Regret he had spent so long ruminating about Jazz, and not spending that time… The familiar yet still alien desire followed that thought, and she figured what he meant.
'Allow me to go as your proxy, Master,' Laserbeak offered.
Apparently, Soundwave hadn't expected that, because he glanced down at Laserbeak. "It could be of high importance," Soundwave countered.
Laserbeak tittered a laugh, 'If it were, they should have sent a more urgent ping. Putting that aside, you are currently beyond possessing all your faculties due to your indulgence in high grade.'
Soundwave scowled, "I am far from inebriated."
'The fact remains, there had been an attempt on your life a few short solar cycles ago, and you are a much more desirable target in any state of vulnerability. If you close the Bond, I will regain my faculties and could go undistracted.'
He hesitated. But he must have caught on to what Laserbeak was offering around the same time Rhea did. Ever the loyal friend, and the ultimate wingman. Soundwave finally nodded before Laserbeak disengaged from his torso. He was a little wobbly in the air, but she felt most of the link between them shut, and he aligned himself almost instantly. Soundwave had shut most of the Bond, and because of it Laserbeak shook off the secondary effects of the intoxicating beverage.
"I will close all but our primary Commlink, so you may contact me if anything urgent presents itself," Soundwave explained.
'Wise, but I doubt it will be necessary,' he flew for the door, hesitating only to ask, 'If I have a clear opportunity to assassinate the Autobot Representative Jazz, do I have permission to engage?'
Soundwave smirked, leaned his helm back over the couch and said "Only if you can do so secretly or under the veil of an accident."
With that go ahead, Laserbeak chirped merrily and left them, bidding both Soundwave and Rhea a pleasant evening. His voice dropped off into the recesses of her consciousness before she could thank him.
Then they were alone in the contemplative silence. She found herself tightening her grip around him. Was she nervous again? Embarrassed? She wasn't sure what she was feeling, other then the continued lull of the Cybertronian alcohol. So of course, she decided to say the first random thing that popped into her head, relevant or otherwise. "I decided where I want to go, but it doesn't exactly comply with my original requirement of being 'far'," She caught his brow ridge rise in an inquisitive manner, and she took that as her cue to elaborate. "The Andromeda Galaxy. I have no clue what I'd do there, but I want to see it up close. Scratch that. I want to fly through it. Cybertronian bodies can survive in space, right?"
"Indeed," he explained, his expression gentle. "The next thing we'll focus on is your full transformation. Then you can scan an appropriate vehicle mode, and I will take you there the moment you are comfortable with flight."
She wavered, though not sure why. Some far-off memory almost forgotten stirring emotions in her she thought were lost to time. Perhaps lost in the name of self-preservation, grief, or both. A strange aberration to say the least.
"Thank you," she said, but it came out as more of a pitiable whisper. His fingers snaked down her arm, and her last already fleeting thoughts went out the window.
"As I said, whatever you wish, I will make it happen." He promised. She felt the rumble of his vents as he sighed. His inner thoughts were distant, and she could feel the warble of his field as he fought the urge to pull it away. Something was bothering him. There had been something, and she caught glimpses of it over the course of their whole ten-year relationship. Flashes of guilt he would never fully divulge. She had never pushed it. She didn't want him to if it would cause him pain. But now that she could practically taste his emotions while in the Cybertronian body, it became more obvious, and he had to fight to keep it hidden. And she had to fight herself so she didn't ask point blank what was wrong. "I have considered something, a selfish aspect of myself I have maintained. I want, so badly, to share a field merge with you, but I worry about this one topic ruining everything."
She shifted on the couch, coming to seat herself on his lap, arms draped on either of his shoulders and maintaining a firm hold on his gaze with her stare, "I already know nothing will ruin anything about us. We didn't let nature, our home worlds being millions of light years apart, or a differing species get in the way," she tightened her grasp around the back of his neck, "teach me. I want to know. Everything. I'll try and keep up."
Those beautiful purple optics remained her focus. He shifted under her, and she felt his hands around her waist. "You feel my magnetic field?" he asked quietly.
She nodded.
"Go inward and find your own. The first barrier of it."
The magnetic field had layers? She didn't take the time to pick that apart. She just followed his advice. That bubble that always floated around her Cybertronian body was already swirling around them both, so it wasn't hard to find. Now that she was looking, she saw he was right. There was more to it than just one bubble. There was this second part, a wall of sorts, locked around her inner most thoughts. She didn't exactly know what to do about that, but she soon felt the answer come in the form of Soundwave's own example. She felt his field against hers in kind, and like some ancient, fortified wall, it dissolved before her. It was overwhelming, but that second little layer in her own brain was keeping it out. She focused hard and willed her safeguards away. She wanted to let him in.
And wanting it was enough. Her own barriers shattered.
Did she gasp? She wasn't sure, but the sensation of melting into him was overwhelming in all the most intoxicating ways. Like the light of a billion sunrises and sunsets seen through eyes that weren't her own were passing along somewhere in the background of her consciousness. But it wasn't just her consciousness. Not right now anyway. Some days she recognized. The blue of a bright day on the beach. The purple horizon of Cybertronian twilight. Odd places, strange feelings she didn't try to understand. She let it pass through her like a wave. Let it caress her mind in time with Soundwave's stroking fingers on her back in this strange new body.
She wanted to cry, she wanted to sing. She wanted his name to dance on her tongue. She wanted everything to do with him as time lost all meaning and all she could do was wordlessly express just how deeply she loved him.
There were explosions somewhere. Not nearby, but also far too close. In the past. Fire and metal beams buckling under mortar fire. Pain from a blade and the Energon stained dirt of a gladiator pit. The quiet of an airplane ride leaving North Carolina, headed for the other side of the country with two hideous liars before her dad was even cold in the grave.
The world was amplified. It was the loudest quiet she had ever been engulfed in. She still felt his fingers, wandering over those portions of this form she inhabited that were less sensitive. Armor plating melded over softer metal to protect vital areas. Those cracks in the armor were where his careful digits found the most purchase.
She was utterly overwhelmed, but she held fast onto him. She found peace in a new feeling. A nostalgic feeling of safety and the adventurous rush of a teenager on the run with two giant aliens. Relief of stepping onto the sand of her home after so long kept away. Tears of sorrow and happiness, the dichotomy of the two fighting for dominance.
Climbing the seated titan in the gentle glow of sunset and feeling the odd warmth of his metal face under her lips as she pecked his cheek. Had that happened ten years ago? It felt like yesterday. Curiosity bloomed around the memory, focused on other times she had kissed him.
What is it like?
Kissing?
Yes.
She had never thought to examine it. But yeah… that wasn't a Cybertronian thing, was it? Should they try it now that they were the same relative size? She did regardless of her lack of lips. It definitely wasn't the same, and pressing her mouth to his did not at all elicit the same feelings she felt while in flesh. But it was amusing enough to make them both laugh, so it was a successful event regardless.
His desire to understand was almost suffocating. She didn't fight against the feeling, because though the wave was pulling her under, she didn't drown. She just felt his resolve in it, his want to find a way to experience everything they were still missing. He wanted to desire her the same way she desired him.
She didn't care. She just wanted him in this moment. She would be happy for all eternity if this was all they could share together. She didn't regret anything.
Then came the hissing hollowness. A guilt so crushing she could weep. It wasn't her guilt. He was trying to pull it away to protect her from it. Hide it from her. But he couldn't, not with every wall between them shattered into pieces. Shame was haunting this memory. He did regret something.
She was pleading now.
Whatever it is, please Soundwave, you can let it go.
You don't know what I almost did.
"I'm sorry," that profoundly rumbling tone of his whimpered. Hearing him out loud and also within was dizzying, but she steadied herself and forced her brain to focus. Her hands resting on either side of his face, wanting so badly for him to tell her what was wrong. His optics closed. She longed to see those purple orbs again.
Please don't close me out.
He surrendered to her plea, and the memory he fought so hard to repress came to life.
The buzzing feeling of a blaster, hesitating to fire in the dead of night under the cold desert sky. Loyalty to a noble cause. The glorious Decepticon cause. He must do this. Sacrifice the first spec of selfish happiness to assure the Decepticon's safe continuation. "It was almost the biggest mistake of my life," he continued at last, and she could picture the memory clearly from his perspective as his words expressed it, "When the war was still raging, and you uncovered my treachery and discovered my true identity as a Decepticon all those years ago… I knew what I had to do to keep my cause safe. Incase the Autobots found you and you exposed me. I couldn't… But I almost…"
He assumed her sleeping in her small runaway tent, his blaster aimed to vaporize her before she had an opportunity to betray him. But he didn't, his gun shifting away, consumed with conflicting guilt. Sparing her, this random little human at the time, was a betrayal to Megatron. He had never betrayed Megatron. He would die first. Yet here he was, making the choice to go against basic Decepticon protocol to spare a human.
"I couldn't tell you. I didn't know how. I would give it all up. Burn everything I have in this life if I could take it back and never raise my gun to you."
She tried to smother his guilt with her love, and just a hint of amusement. Not of his emotions, but the topic in question. And she could feel his bewilderment. Her lack of betrayed feelings or even shock were clearly confusing him. "No worries. That was never an issue for me. I already knew about it."
Shock replaced the confusion. In the still moment, the swirl of memories and feelings stalling, she laughed. "Soundwave. You were pacing outside my tent for like, ten minutes, and you are eighteen feet tall. It is kind of hard to sleep with a giant rumbling the ground right next to your bed. I heard everything, and I saw it too. I just never brought it up."
"Why?"
She caressed his cheek, flooding their combined world with sincerity and assurance. "Because I stand by what I said back then. I trust you. I've never felt safer than I am when I'm with you. There is absolutely nothing to forgive."
The weight of worlds lifted from him. She could feel it, as well as his fingers, dancing along her body and pulling her closer. Consuming her with gratitude, wanting, love. More of him surrounded her, mentally and physically. Both data cables entwined around her body. Securing her to him.
He lifted them from the couch just as her mental unease was rising against her will. She felt like he was carrying her away from the anxiety, so she didn't ask where they were going. Tangled in his arms and cables she wasn't at risk of falling, but she still wrapped her legs around his waist. Her head was still swimming. Was it the intoxication, their melding, her own revolting brain?
Lights twinkled somewhere below them. They were outside now, dancing in a slow circle in his grasp on the balcony high above Kaon. Moving slowly, dancing aimlessly…The light of his optics was the most beautiful. They put the planet below them to shame. Purple tinted windows to his Spark.
Now she was the one trying to hide it from him. How badly she wanted this Cyberformation to work so she could be closer to him. Risk crossing Kaon in a hamster ball behind his back to get answers.
But they were totally connected. He knew now. Her want to not hurt him with her human desires. Everything. From her desperation to feel his touch on her true human skin, to simpler things like eating together. Swimming in the ocean. Kissing him. He didn't understand it, but he wanted to. He was determined to find some way to bridge that gap too. Even if he had to fake humanity for her, he would try.
She wanted to see more of them… Those optics. But as previously established, adventurous really wasn't her thing. When she tuned up her Cybertronian senses to take in more of this moment she was almost drowned in assaulting input. Lights and colors trying to fry her human consciousness and noises that threatened to beat down the walls of her sanity. She hid from it all in Soundwave's chest.
He took them away from it before she was consumed. The chaos of Kaon was gone just as quickly as it had appeared. The quiet sanctuary of his room was where they ended up once again. But now she was on a solid surface, supporting her back, keeping her from slipping down into oblivion again. His berth at her back, and Soundwave laying over her. Still enclosed in his many grasping appendages, the top of his helm pressed to her own. Nothing was left unsaid or unfelt. The original swirl of their combined consciousness coming to a rest. Like the quiet breeze after a cyclone. The gentle bobbing of the water after a storm.
She stood by what she said. In his embrace, she had never felt so safe. So loved. This was where she wanted to spend eternity.