AN : Please leave reviews. I appreciate all and any feedback x

July was nearing its end and summer was truly here. Whilst other kids hung out in the city centre after school, AJ spent her days in a small room on Holby Care visiting her mother. She'd come every day after school since she'd gone back, and had slowly filled her bedside with pictures that showed everyone their close bond.

After her encounter with Donna she had felt compelled to defend Jac's parenting skills. She had plastered her mother's room with as many pictures as possible, adding in old Mother's Day cards she'd crafted as a young child for good measure. Now she'd heard whispers about how sweet Jac could be with her compared to her persona at work.

"He does not. You're being ridiculous."

"He definitely does." AJ argues, sitting at Jac's bedside and braiding her hair. She was convinced that Joseph was starting to develop feelings for her mother once again, and no argument or protest of Jac's would convince her otherwise.

"He's crazy about her. Told me as much." She argues, rolling her eyes.

"Mummy, are you jealous?" AJ teases, laughing.

"No. Why would I be?"

"You are. I can see it. Don't worry, he'll be all over you soon."

"Artemis, I love you baby, but shut up." Jac replies, ruffling her hair.

She knew that despite her initial insistence otherwise, AJ did in fact like Joseph. So much so that when Jac revealed the true reason they'd broken up , they'd had a massive argument something which was worsened by her admission she hadn't ended things with Lord Byrne. That was the worst part of the whole debacle for her. Sure, all her colleagues hated her and thought she was a whore but she didn't really care; she felt safer that way. People avoid you if they think you'll hurt them and so they can't hurt you. It was seeing how it hurt AJ, who had actually begun to think she might finally have a father figure in Joseph, that pained her just as much as realising that she did actually love Joseph.

"Fine. Can we talk about my dad?"

"No. I'll tell you when you're sixteen. You don't need to know anything about him. He's not a good person by any means."

"You always say that. I'm fourteen Mum. I deserve to know who my father is. What ever he's done just tell me, it can't be that bad?"

"No. I can't tell you."

"Why?"

"Because you're too young and too soft and it would break you baby." She replies, shifting uncomfortably. This was a conversation she never wanted to have. There's not really a manual on how to tell your daughter she's the result of you being raped.

How do you even begin to approach that subject? You can't sugar coat it because it's about as raw as the truth gets, and it is situation that torments you. A harsh reminder of the pain that gave you your child.

"I don't believe you. You just don't want to tell me because you're jealous that I'd want to spend time with him."

"No. That's not why at all."

"Then why Mum? Please, can I at least know his name? His full name. I'm old enough for that. "

"A-Adam... his name was Adam Blackwood..." Jac says quietly, blinking back tears.

She hadn't said his name in years and saying it now, as her daughter sought infomation about her paternity was her worst nightmare.

"Mum, why do you look so scared?"

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not. You're trembling. I'd ask you if he used to hit you but you've already said no to that question in the past. What did he do?"

"Nothing."

"You're lying."

"AJ, leave it."

"No. I want to know. He didn't hit you? He didn't cheat on you? But he's not in my life, and you refuse to speak about him, so I'd like to know what happened."

"It doesn't matter. How's school?"

"You already asked that, quit deflecting Mummy."

"It's not worth talking about. Let's move on."

"Why? I'm not going to stop asking."

"Artemis Jade..." Jac warns.

"Oh, you're using my full name, it must be serious. Just tell me."

"No."

"Why? Why? Why?"

"Because I said so."

"Whatever it is, it must be bad."

"This discussion is over."

"Am I a rape baby?"

"Don't say that!"

"Mum...it's a yes or no question. Am I the product of rape? Look me in the eye and answer me. Please…"

Jac feels the tears fall as she stares into her lap unable to lie to her daughter. She can feel her body shake with each sob as the memories come rushing to the surface, all the days she'd wished for death to take her culminating into this one moment. She'd been dreading this conversation since the day she'd given birth.

"Mum?" She asks, worry evident in her voice. There was no way…surely not. She would have told her, right?

"I-I can't talk about this AJ. Not here, not now. It's too painful."

"Oh my God. I'm right. H-he raped you. That's why I know nothing about him."

"How old was he? A few years older or — forty-two."

"W-what?" She gasps, her hand flying to her mouth and her eyes widening.

"He was forty-two when you were born."

"Oh God. I need to go home. I feel sick."

"Come here baby." Jac whisperers, reaching out toward her daughter.

AJ backs away shaking her head as she begins to hyperventilate, immediately regretting ever bringing up the subject of her father.

"No."

"Artemis, please. I'm worried about you."

"I'm good. Really Mum. I love you but I need to go. I can't do this right now. I'll be back tomorrow."

"I love you too, stay safe. I'm so sorry baby."

"Don't apologise. You're not the one breaking my heart, Mum."

Tears falling freely Jac lies on her side wishing she could start the day over. Her hands are shaking, her thoughts are swirling through her mind and no matter what she does she can't seem to focus on anything but the memories which have come running at her, knocking her down when she's at her weakest. As she contemplates her life all she can think is that nothing good ever seems to happen to her.

Hours later, Joseph finds himself sitting at the end of Jac's bed waiting for her to wake up. He had successfully operated on her with Elliot, and hoped that things would stay calm after this. Now, five days post-op and after weeks of uncertainty, he could now confidently say that Jac would be alright.

Since coming back from South Africa, he's noticed a change in her that had continued to intrigue him. He wanted to talk to her and ask why she did what she did. He hoped he could understand what was going on in her head, though he thought to himself it must not be pleasant. Even after their break up, he couldn't help but notice the days when she'd drift around the hospital with a heavy feeling following her, like she had a deep-seated pain weighing her down.

He must have been the only one to pick up on it he thought, after all Jac was a master of hiding her emotions. What he perceived as a heavy feeling following her would be an imperceptible change to everyone else. He'd only seen glimpses of the real her but he wanted to see more of it.

"Hi. Why are you here? You're not on the rota for today. Am I dying again?" She asks suprised, not expecting to see her ex-boyfriend when she woke up.

He laughs, giving her a small smile.

"No, nothing like that. Just thought I'd check in on you. You must be getting bored being cooped up in here."

Jac sighs exasperated. As someone who had never been very sedentary being stuck in a hospital bed, unable to move was torture. Even as a child, she was always exploring, using the time her father was off his face to grab some sweets from the corner shop and make her way down to the park. There she'd sit and observe people, making up stories in her head where things were better. Now as an adult, her imagination was long forgotten and being restricted did nothing.

"It's awful. Last time I was cooped up in a hospital bed, I was fourteen and had preeclampsia. At least then I got Artemis out of it. This is just suffering for no reward."

"You had preeclampsia?"

"Oh yeah I had an awful pregnancy. Hyperemesis, preeclampsia, migraines, bruised ribs the whole lot. I ended up going into labour two days after I was hospitalised anyway, so it wasn't anywhere as long as this."

He nods, sympathising, "Ah I see. Was that taken right after she was born?"

She watches as he picks up a picture of a young Jac sat in a hospital bed, hair in pigtails as she cradled a newborn AJ looking down at her with wonder in her eyes. It's one of her favourite pictures. Full of memories of simpler days and the unexpected joy of holding a newborn.

"Yes. Artemis was like four or five hours old. I was very very tired, but she was so warm and I couldn't believe she was my baby." She replies, reminiscing .

She remembers the first few days of Artemis' life clearly. Though she was exhausted and terrified of what her future held, she couldn't stop smiling at her baby. Jac found herself peeking over into the crib unable to sleep, just wanting to watch her and taking in her every tiny movement in awe. The stark contrast between days spent crying to psychologists and snuggling a baby who would calm as soon as she was held.

"You've done a good job you know. AJ's a great kid. She was telling me about her plans to become a surgeon and follow in your footsteps, said she hoped she'd be half as good as you." He recounts, replacing the picture and smiling at her.

Jac looks up at him surprised, not expecting kindness or compliments from him. She's feeling especially touched as her heart is heavy, her recent argument with AJ playing in her mind. She hadn't wanted to tell her but she couldn't lie. Now she had to watch her daughter torment herself over the actions of one man.

"Why are you being nice to me?"

He shrugs, "Life's short. I hate what you did, but we do have to work together."

"I'm sorry. For everything. I know nothing I say will ever make it up to you or change what I did but I'm really and truly sorry. I betrayed you, and your trust and I took you for granted and for that I'd like to apologise. Congratulations on the engagement again, I hope you're happy Joseph."

"Thank you. I really appreciate it. Hey, about that forgiveness thing, I think we could try it out."

He places a kiss to cheek which catches her by surprise and she avoids his gaze, staring down at her hands not wanting him to read her expression. Torn over Faye's lies and the revelation of yet another husband, Joseph finds himself drawn to Jac. He'd proposed to drown out the new rising attraction to his ex-girlfriend. He'd hoped by committing to Faye the rising feelings for his ex would be buried. He could deal with finding her attractive. She was hot, fit, gorgeous, stunning whatever you call it.

Even at the height of his hatred for her, he'd wanted her. Sexually, of course — he didn't want her back. Not as his girlfriend. That he could live with. Even with her reputation, he'd heard the suggestive comments about her figure from male colleagues when she walked past. Jokes about her being easy, jokes about how good she looks in tight leather, jokes about whether or not she was good in bed. She was hot and a lot of men wanted to sleep with her.

It was the re-emerging desire to date her, to take care of her and spend his days with her that scared him. As long as he didn't care for her, he could ignore her but now she was a person again he was drawn to her.

He leans in and presses his lips to hers kissing her slowly. Jac is frozen for a few seconds, but she soon kisses him back, placing her hands on his shoulders whilst he cups her face in his hands. Her skin is soft and warm, and as he kisses her he questions whether Faye and him are a good match. He knows that he's betraying his fiancée. This is the last thing he should be doing but as his right hand moves to caress Jac's waist, all he can think of is how much he's missed her. Them. What they used to be.

The blaring of Joseph's phone causes them to jump apart and Joseph awkwardly fumbles for his phone, checking the contact and silencing it.

Jac's heart is fluttering in her chest. Joseph had kissed her? He'd spent the last few weeks telling her much he loved Faye, how they were getting married, how much happier he was without her. Yet he'd just made out with her? He'd kissed her like he meant it and she was at a loss on what to feel.

"I-I thought you hated me." She splutters,

"I can't get you out of my head, and I hate it."

She shakes her head in disbelief. That was the last thing she expected him to say, an admission that he's still into her was the last thing on her cards for the day.

"I don't understand Joseph. You spend ages telling me how happy you are with her, you make it clear that we will never be a thing again. Cool. Now you're saying I'm on your mind?"

In the background, simply falling begins to play on the radio Kitty had brought in for her and she can't help but think the song couldn't have been more apt.

He sighs, "I don't know. Don't tell me you don't feel the same way. You were more than happy to kiss me."

She looks up at him not saying a word simply trying to process what ever the hell was going on. He was confessing his love to her? Telling her he wanted her back? Hitting on her? Whatever it was she didn't know and if she was honest she didn't care. All she could think of was how it felt to kiss him again, how her heart was pounding in her chest. How right it felt.

"Joseph, are you drunk?"

"What? No!"

"Then what on earth is going on?"

"Does it matter?" he questions, not knowing what he even wanted from her let alone why he'd kissed her.

"Yes, of course it d-."

When he kisses her again this time Jac isn't even surprised. Instead, she wraps her arms around his neck as he pulls her closer. She knows this is wrong, that they could get caught even with the seclusion of her room on Holby care. It doesn't bother her though, in this moment as he kisses her all she can think of how addicting he is. The music plays as she gives into her heart, and she feels the thoughts that had been plaguing her all day slowly dissipating, leaving with her nothing but thoughts of how his lips taste.