"So she came out of the kitchen with her chin covered in cherry stains. This not half an hour after mother had told her she couldn't have any dessert. Mother was livid and immediately spanked her right there in front of the entire family!" The girl lifted a fan in front of her face as she laughed. "Uncle tried to stop it; he never allowed his little girl to be punished. But they were in my family's home, so mother had her way. And would you believe she did the very same thing the next day?! You've never seen a more willful ten year old. Why you'd think she almost wanted to be spanked!" The girl laughed some more behind her fan.

Kazuma was seated across from her in a spacious and magically heated carriage. The girl's name was Cassandra Jonas Hattenburg. She was a seventeen year old noblewoman on her way from Axel back to her family estate. She was dressed in a flamboyant pink and white dress with a wide brimmed hat with pink roses. Her hair was a light blonde and her eyes a clear blue, she was attractive, wealthy, important, and very aware of it. She'd spent the entire carriage ride wanting to gossip and hear stories. She reminded Kazuma of the queen bee types in school who just took it for granted that everything revolved around them. The story she'd just told had been about her cousin.

"I'm sure that couldn't be the case," Kazuma said in an amused voice. "I mean what kind of girl wants to be spanked?" He turned his eyes from Cassandra to the person sitting beside her, who just happened to be the same cousin the story had been about. "Isn't that right, Lalatina?"

The other girl's hair was a darker shade of blonde and her chest was at least two sizes bigger. And rather than a dress she was wearing armor with a broadsword at her hip. Lalatina Ford Dustiness twisted in her seat and was wringing her hands. "Please stop calling me that! I keep telling you that while I am on duty you should address me by my adventurer name, Darkness!"

"Awwwww, but Lalatina suits you so much better," Kazuma said with a smirk. He'd realized from the start of the trip that being called by her real name embarrassed the girl. She was so strange. She could deal with talk of being tied up or molested without a care but call her Lalatina and she got flustered.

"I agree," Cassandra said slowly fanning herself. "I understand why you had to give yourself a different name while surrounded by commoners." She motioned to Kazuma. "But Darkness doesn't suit you at all, the same way your armor and sword don't."

Kazuma didn't appreciate the dismissive tone in her voice or the way she treated him like a servant. But Kazuma had to admit he agreed with her point. Someone who couldn't even hit anything with her sword shouldn't be an adventurer. To a certain degree he did sympathize with Darkness. Everyone should get to choose what they did with their lives and get to follow their dream. But at a certain point reality would just have to set in.

In second grade he knew a pudgy little kid with glasses named Hameko whose dream was to be a baseball player. When kids picked sides to play he was always the last one chosen and Kazuma couldn't remember him ever getting one single hit. The last Kazuma heard he was taking college level science courses in High School and well on his way to becoming an engineer. Some things were just not meant to be and there was no point in fighting them.

The girl sat rigid and clutched both hands into fists. "I am a faithful follower of Eris, and serving as a crusader is my way of showing devotion to her holy cause. I believe those with strength have an obligation and duty to sacrifice themselves for the greater good! It would be selfish of me to just indulge myself without giving anything back to the people of the world!"

Cassandra stared at her and covered her open mouth with her fan.

"That sounds very admirable, Lalatina." Kazuma said in a flat voice. Her declaration sounded genuinely inspiring… if you didn't know a few things about her. "Is that really why you want to be a crusader?"

Her cheeks tinged a bit and he could see a slight shudder run through her. "I… It's the most important reason."

But not the main one, he thought.

"It's not proper for someone in your position," Cassandra said. "Won't you reconsider staying with my family? Even for just a short holiday? We're having a get together and some upstanding young men from the finest families will be visiting the estate. You could spend some time with them. Who knows? Maybe you'll finally meet someone to your liking and fall in love!"

Lalatina narrowed her eyes. "My father arranged this didn't he? When we arrive, the carriage will suddenly break down and there won't be another one available for at least a few days."

Cassandra giggled and fanned herself. "Well he wouldn't have to go so far if you would just agree to attend the balls and royal functions. You can't play at adventurer forever you know. I mean it's fine for someone like him," she jabbed her fan at Kazuma. "But you're someone who matters, Lalatina. You shouldn't waste your life."

Kazuma could feel a vein in his forehead throb.

"It's not a waste!" Lalatina declared. "It's definitely something worth doing!" She suddenly turned to look at him. "Kazuma, why did you become an adventurer?"

The question caught him off guard and he took a moment to think about it. "Because of all the options I had it seemed like the best one. And, to be honest, I thought it would be fun."

"Fun?" Cassandra raised her eyebrows. "What's fun about being in danger or tramping through forests and smelly dungeons?" She gave a dramatic shudder. "It's fine for commoners I suppose, they have nothing better to do with their lives, so it doesn't matter. But for a noble lady it's different."

This girl was starting to piss him off. Kazuma opened his mouth to let her know what he thought of that, but Lalatina spoke first.

"Everyone's life matters! No one is disposable and no one who lives doesn't affect and touch the lives of others! Every single person is important and worth protecting!"

Kazuma's mouth shut and he couldn't keep from nodding. When she wasn't acting like a raging perv, the girl was actually pretty cool. It was sort of shame she couldn't even hit the side of a barn.

At this point everyone in the carriage noticed it was slowing down.

"Are we almost there?" He looked out the window and saw they were on a path in the middle of a snow covered forest. He didn't see any signs of buildings or settlement anywhere. This was their second day on the road, and it was still only late morning.

"No," Cassandra said with annoyance. "We won't arrive until near sunset." She made a shooing motion with her hand. "Go see what the problem is."

This is why customer service jobs always suck, he thought. Kazuma suppressed a sigh and forced a grin onto his lips. "Sure thing."

As soon as the carriage came to a full stop Kazuma opened one of the doors and stepped out. The driver, a somber man who'd barely said two words the entire trip, set the brake and climbed down.

"Oy, what's the problem? Need to drain the weasel?"

The man stopped and gave Kazuma a forlorn and hopeless look. "I'm sorry. I have debts. This was the only way." He then ran into the snowy woods.

"Huh?" The guy wasn't moving like someone who was about to come right back. Kazuma started to get a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

That was when his Detect Enemy ability told him there were six enemies approaching. Three from ahead and three from behind.

"Oh fuck!"

"How dare you use that sort of language in front of two noble ladies!" Cassandra said.

Darkness immediately jumped out of the carriage to join him. "What's the matter?"

"I think we just got led into an ambush. There are six enemies coming, three from each direction."

"Oh!" Cassandra leaned out the carriage door with an excited look on her face. "I'm going to be kidnapped! How thrilling! It must be Black Tom and his ruffians. They've been abducting nobles traveling this way."

"You never mentioned that!" Kazuma yelled.

"It's fine," she waved her fan about. "They treat their prisoners very well and they are always released completely unharmed as soon as the ransom is paid. This will make for a thrilling story when I get home to mother."

"Huh, well that's not too bad I suppose."

"Kazuma!" Darkness said with worry. "Only the abducted get treated that way. The guards are always killed!"

"It's fine, Lalatina. Just tell them who you are and they'll kidnap you too."

"And what about me?" Kazuma demanded.

Cassandra blinked. "Oh. Well I suppose for you this is bad. Try to meet your end bravely though and I'll tell them about you in the stories."

I am going to slap the hell out of this bitch! He promised himself. Kazuma glanced all about, gauging their situation. The enemy would be here soon. The woods were thick and there was a foot of snow on the ground. There was absolutely no room for the carriage off the path.

"Darkness, toss her over your shoulder and follow me!"

"Understood!" She reached up and grabbed her cousin.

"What?"

Darkness had no trouble carrying her and chasing after Kazuma who was running into the woods.

"What are you doing?" Cassandra wailed. "This is undignified! And it's cold!"

They both ignored her.

"Kazuma, we can't outrun them, they'll be on horseback. We can't hide either, we're leaving tracks in the snow."

"I… know," he panted. "But… got… an… idea."

XXX

Six men in long black cloaks cantered into a small clearing in the wood. They were all riding horses. Two of them had crossbows out and were aiming them at the blonde warrior standing before them. She was in a fighting stance with her sword out facing them with an eager look in her eyes. Standing behind her was a woman in a pink and white dress shivering. They were both in front of a large oak. The bandit leader, Black Tom, was a burly man of at least two hundred and fifty pounds. He had a thick mustache and was wearing a black hat with a wide brim.

"Throw down your sword and we can make this quick and clean," he promised. "And I know there's one more guard. Where's he?"

"Villain! I am the crusader Darkness! Know that no matter how b… brutal and c… cruel you may be I will defend my charge. W… Whatever shameful and d… degrading plans you have for me I will stop you!"

Black Tom put his head back and laughed. "You're shaking like a leaf girl, your face is red with panic, and I can see you struggling for breath."

"T… That may be so, b… but I have a d… duty to fulfill."

"Hey boss, she's gorgeous!" One of the men with the crossbows said. "We don't need to kill her off right away do we?"

"Yeah!" Another man said. "Let's take her back to the camp and have some fun with her! Maybe we don't kill her at all and just make her our slave and do as we please with her."

Darkness suddenly gave a cry that most of the people there assumed was one of terror, but sounded oddly erotic.

"You can't do that!" Cassandra yelled. "This is Lalatina Ford Dustiness! Her father will pay any amount to get her back safely."

Black Tom's eyes widened. "Is that true?"

"It is," Darkness declared. "But I have no intention of allowing you to capture me." Her tone was resigned and oddly… disappointed.

"Then you're worth a fortune," he waved a hand. "Go grab them. Now where's the other guard? I don't like loose ends."

The three other men not holding crossbows climbed down from their horses and began to approach the two women. Each with a sword drawn and looking threatening. Darkness held firm while Cassandra stood behind her shivering.

"Snipe! Snipe!" Out of nowhere two arrows hit the bandits still on their horses holding crossbows. One got it through his throat, the other in an eye. Both men toppled from the saddle and had their mounts take off in a panic. The remaining four were caught off guard.

"Yaaaahhh!" Darkness let out a blood curdling battle cry and charged at the three men approaching her and her cousin. Beauty though she might be, she was still an armored crusader with a sword in her hands.

The three men had no choice but to attack her seriously. While her strikes hit nothing but air, all three of them landed blows. None of them seemed to do her any harm though. She let out another battle cry and kept pressing the attack. Her appearance was one of a ferocious warrior! The three of them were all yelling at one another in a panic. Their swords were hitting but doing nothing!

One bandit suddenly cried out as he got a short sword driven through his back so hard the point came his chest. When he collapsed the invisible Kazuma wasn't able to yank it back out. He quickly grabbed two of his throwing knives instead.

"Snipe! Snipe!" The blades found their marks in the men's throats and they fell clutching at their necks.

"Damn it!" Black Tom, the last survivor was charging at him from horseback waving a long sword.

Kazuma was still invisible, but he could do nothing about the snow at his feet. There was no choice but to dive out of the way before being sliced open. He landed face first in some fresh powder and was clearly outlined.

Black Tom wheeled around; sword ready. "I can see you!"

There was no chance of getting out of the way.

"Yaaaahhh!" Darkness lowered her shoulder and charged. She tackled Black Tom's mount and sent him flying off of it.

The powerful man hit the ground and rolled. He got back to his feet sword in hand ready to fight.

"Snipe! Snipe! Snipe! Snipe!"

Four throwing knives were buried up to their hilts in his neck, right eye socket, forehead, and heart. He gave a, "Grrrk." And toppled over dead.

XXX

With the fight finally over Kazuma reappeared. He was bent over and panting.

"Kazuma!" Darkness ran over to his side. "Are you all right?"

Still panting, he looked up at her, smiled, and gave her a thumbs up. Seeing this, Darkness smiled back at him.

"Well this is disappointing," Cassandra said. "I was looking forward to being kidnapped and the tales I could tell about it. Well, I suppose this will make a good story too. If you are all done can we get back to the carriage now? I'm cold." The girl sounded quite impatient.

"Hey Darkness, what would happen if I slapped her right now?"

"Since you are not of noble birth you would probably be executed."

"Figures," he muttered.

Darkness looked at him. "I could slap her without repercussions though."

Kazuma's grin turned a bit evil. "Would you?"

She cracked her knuckles. "While I don't usually care for inflicting pain, I can make an exception."

XXX

The carriage didn't arrive at the Hattenburg estate until after sunset. Darkness was at the reins and Kazuma was sitting up in the driver seat beside her. On the roof of the carriage was a half frozen body tied down along with all the luggage. Black Tom had a bounty on his head and the body was required to collect it.

The Lady Hattenburg was most dismayed to know her beloved daughter had almost been abducted by these foul ruffians. What upset her even more was the sight of a massive purple bruise covering the right side of her daughter's face. It seemed one of those animals had laid his hands on her. The experience had obviously been traumatic as she hurried to her room and refused to speak to anyone about it. For some strange reason, she sent her cousin a furious glare before running off.

The Lady Hattenburg pleaded with her niece to stay with them for a few days, but she insisted they needed to get back to Axel to collect the bounty and report the incident. Lady Hattenburg couldn't really argue with her. So, she and her partner would have a good meal and night's rest before setting off early the next morning.

Darkness told everyone that Kazuma was the one who'd killed Black Tom and saved Cassandra from being kidnapped and the family from paying a massive ransom. Kazuma was treated as a hero by the entire family. (Except Cassandra who stayed in her room all evening.)

The next morning Kazuma and Darkness receive not only the one hundred thousand eris for their original task, but another five hundred thousand as thanks for what they'd done.

"The bounty for Black Tom is five million eris," Darkness informed him as they left. "Since you were the one who killed him it belongs to you."

Kazuma shook his head. "If it weren't for your help I'd be dead. Besides, a party should always split the rewards equally. I don't see any reason why a bounty should be any different."

Darkness coughed into her hand. "Are we still a party, Kazuma? I thought that was over as soon as we finished the escort mission."

He looked at her and spoke seriously. "I want to keep working with you. I'm not going to lie, the fact you can't hit a damn thing is a problem. But you're brave, strong, and one hell of a tank!"

"Tank?" She asked in confusion. "Are you saying I can hold a lot of liquids?"

He chuckled. "It's a word from where I come from. It means someone who can absorb damage and keep going. Every party needs one and I can't imagine anyone being better at it than you. If you'll be my shield, I'll be your sword. What do you say?"

He held a hand out to her. She eagerly clasped it.

"Thank you, Kazuma! I've been searching for someone who could be my partner for a long time. I'm sure together we'll make a fine party!"

"Yeah, I'm sure we will."

Her face began to redden. "Of course you can use me in any way you like. For instance, if you need me to distract our enemies by having me as a tempting target you can tie me up and leave me helpless. You can abandon me as though I were worthless! You can even strip me first if you think that will help!"

"Okay, stop doing that, Lalatina. It creeps me out."

"Don't call me Lalatina! My name is Darkness!"

He smirked at her. "Whatever you say, Lalatina."