Kazuma stopped and looked around. Pretty much everyone in the ballroom was staring at him. The girl in the white suit was glaring, the mage looked amused, the princess looked confused, and Darkness was very carefully studying the floor.

"Is something wrong, Kazuma-san?" Iris asked.

"You could say that," he pretty much shoved his present into her hands. "Happy birthday." Kazuma turned towards Darkness. "Oi, woman! We need to talk. Now!"

He grabbed her by the wrist and started dragging her away.

She just managed to hand over the sword to Iris with a quick. "Please excuse us."

Iris stood there, with a box in one hand and sword in the other, watching as Kazuma led her away.

"What revolting behavior!" The girl in the white suit said.

"Oh, I don't know," the mage with the staff said. "I thought he was sort of charming."

"How could you possibly find such rudeness charming?"

"Well, you have to admit he's at least different from all the formal etiquette and empty praise we usually hear."

"Bad manners aren't something to be proud of!"

As the two of them were having their discussion Princess Iris walked over to a nearby table. It was already piled high with the various gifts she'd received earlier. Swords, axes, spears, shields, and suits of armor all lay one on top of the other. Iris put the broadsword down next to three or four similar blades. While she was happy to have received this gift from her onee-chan, she couldn't really feel very excited about getting yet another weapon.

It was the cardboard box with the big red bow on it that was interesting. Iris undid the bow and lifted the cover off the box. As soon as she peered inside her eyebrows rose in a show of honest surprise.

"What is this?"

She reached into the box.

XXX

Kazuma hurried down a random hallway until the two of them were finally alone. He then stopped and rounded on Darkness.

"What's going on?"

She pressed her fingers together and avoided looking him in the eye. "I h… have n… no idea what you mean."

"Spare me, you've been acting weird all day. Now why does the princess of the kingdom think the two of us are doing it?"

"Ah… well, do you remember that time we went to the Enchanted Wood and the faeries caused us to be stuck there for three months?"

"It would be kind of hard to forget."

"W… Well, many people assumed we'd been killed."

"I know, you wouldn't believe how many people showed up claiming to be lost long relatives of mine."

"My father never, for one moment, thought that. He was absolutely certain I was fine and would return at some point."

"Huh, well I guess that makes sense. I mean he must know you'd probably survive an asteroid strike."

"What is an asteroid?"

"Don't worry about it."

"Well, in any case, my father insisted to everyone that I was surely fine. But then, that raised the question of why I would disappear for so long without warning."

"If it were me, I'd just assumed you'd stumbled on some ogres and were pestering them to torture you until the poor things finally managed to run away."

She gasped and shivered. "S… So, c… cruel! Y… You really can't help yourself, can you?"

"Look who's talking!"

"A… Anyway, my father was in a dilemma as he had no reasonable explanation for my absence. It was my cousin Cassandra who began suggesting I was off on a r… ro… romantic g… get away. I, uhm, haven't ever had any interest in that sort of thing, so my father dismissed the notion as ridiculous."

"Yeah, next time you see your cousin slap her again for me, would you?"

"When I returned father asked to see me. He told me about the rumor Cassandra had been spreading and asked me if there were any truth to it."

"And when you told him it was ridiculous, he didn't believe you?"

"…" She started to fidget.

Kazuma narrowed his eyes. "You did explain to him that nothing happened between us, right?"

"Ah, well, n… not exactly."

"And what exactly did you say?"

"Th… That we were together that whole time, that we are v… very close, and that I, ah, h… have strong f… feelings for you." Her cheeks were red as tomatoes.

"Why would you say that to your father instead of just telling him the truth?!"

Darkness glared at him and planted her hands on her hips. "Every word of that is true. We were together during the whole adventure. As party members, friends, and as people living in the same home, we are quite close. And I d… do h… have feelings for you, Kazuma. I respect, admire, and l… l… like you! Those are feelings! Nothing I said was false."

"Hey! I like you too, but I don't go around telling people we're sleeping together!"

"I wouldn't mind of you did," she mumbled.

"What was that?"

"I… I said I have never t… told anyone we were intimate."

"No, you just gave him a non-denial denial that you knew would get misunderstood."

"It seemed like a good idea. Father is constantly trying to introduce me to men of my social class in hopes of having me fall for one of them. But there is no chance that will ever happen!"

"Well not unless they introduce themselves by tying you up and gagging you."

"K… K… Kazuma! B… Be serious!"

"Who's joking?"

She started fidgeting again. "I… I just thought it would be easier this way. If father thought I was with you he would stop trying to arrange things. Th… This way I could be an adventurer without any issues."

"Did you stop and think how this would affect me?"

"Well according to that rude unicorn, you're a virgin as am I. Is… Isn't it good if people believe we're a c… c… couple?"

"Of course not!"

She stopped and stood completely still. Darkness looked him straight in the eye. "Kazuma, is the thought of being with me really so awful?"

Something about the way she said that made his heart skip a beat.

He would never in a million years deny she was gorgeous. And in a lot of ways, she was a great girl. He genuinely liked and cared about her and would put his life in her hands without a second thought.

The problem was her being a complete and total freak.

He needed to ignore the big puppy dog eyes and remember what she was actually like. He shook his head and focused.

"Oi, the issue's that if everybody thinks we're together other girls wouldn't want to date me."

"But how would that change things?"

"Hey! It could still happen!"

"Of course it could," she said quickly. "I'm sure I'm not the only woman who could accept your savage and cruel ways."

"Oi!"

"Kazuma, I apologize for causing you trouble, but would you please consider just playing along for a little while? If the princess believes we are seeing each other then that certainly means most of the court and nobility think it as well. If it were suddenly revealed our relationship was a lie some very important men might take offense. There could be serious consequences."

"That's too bad! You should have thought of that before making things up. If there are consequences, you'll just have to deal with them."

"Ah, Kazuma, I meant there might be issues for you, not me."

"What?"

"Well, if it suddenly comes out that the rumors were all a lie certain people are going to assume that you were the one who spread them. And, well, they might want to do something about it in the mistaken belief they were defending my honor."

"But I had nothing to do with it! I didn't even know about any of this until just now!"

"I know! I know!" She clasped her hands together and bowed to him. "I honestly never thought the rumors would go beyond my family. I certainly didn't think they would spread all the way here. I'll tell everyone you're completely innocent. But, well, certain people may imagine I am covering for you and that you're guilty regardless of anything I say."

The blood drained from his face. It was way, way too easy to imagine arrogant jerks seeing things that way and wanting to impress people by attacking him. He was a level forty-six Adventurer and pretty damn strong. He didn't have any illusions that there weren't still plenty of people out there who were stronger. Kazuma immediately thought of Mitsurugi and how that asshole had acted to white knight for Aqua. He could easily imagine a dozen similar fools doing the same. Especially if they didn't know what she was actually like.

"So how exactly do we fix this?"

"W… W… Well, if we were formally engaged-"

He bopped the top of her head. "I'm not in the mood for jokes!"

"R… Right, th… then I think the safest option is for us to pretend to date for a time w… we could profess to have arguments and other problems. Eventually, we c… could end the relationship and no one would question it."

"Why wait? Couldn't we just break up right now?"

"Kazuma, if you were to do that tonight, I think half the men here would challenge you to a duel."

"Figures," he muttered. "Okay, how long do we have to pretend for?"

"I think four or five years would be-"

Bam! Bam! Bam!

"I m… meant six months. I think that is the absolute bare minimum people would accept."

"Fine, I guess I can put up with it for that long if it's the only way. Let's head back to the party."

"Yes."

As Kazuma started to go Darkness hurried to his side and wrapped herself around his right arm.

"What are you doing?"

"W… We n… need to behave like l… l… lovers in public from now on."

"Huh, I guess we do," he leaned in and whispered in her ear. "La-la-ti-na."

When he saw her shiver Kazuma chuckled. I may as well have a little bit of fun with her while I'm at it.

They headed back to the ballroom.

XXX

Kazuma was certain that everyone was looking at them as they returned. It was making him nervous to be the center of so much attention. Oddly, Darkness looked relaxed walking arm in arm with him. Since they'd left so abruptly, Kazuma was headed back to the princess to make sure everything was fine. As they got near the girl in the white suit stomped over to them.

"Have you absolutely no respect for the crown?" She growled.

"Huh?"

"The gift you gave the princess! It's completely inappropriate! Do you think this some sort of joke?"

Darkness looked worried. "Kazuma, what did you give her?"

"Hey, I gave her a great present! It's something a lot of twelve year olds would go crazy for! And you," Kazuma turned to the girl in the white suit. "I don't think it's a servant's place to complain about what their employer gets as a gift. Some people might call that pretty rude you know."

"Servant?!" the woman sputtered. "I am Sinfonia Claire! Eldest daughter of one of the oldest and most renowned houses in all Belzerg. I am Princess Iris' personal bodyguard and one of the nation's finest-"

"Whatever White Suit, just try and be more polite next time." Kazuma headed over to the table where Iris and the mage were.

"White Suit?" She put a hand on the hilt of her sword and followed after him.

At the table was the now empty box. The contents that had been inside were neatly spread out and Iris was looking them over curiously. The mage was standing nearby and appeared amused. She greeted him as he approached.

"Your present is certainly… interesting, Kazuma-san. I can honestly say the princess has never received anything like it before," she waved a hand. "I'm Lain by the way, Princess Iris' instructor and personal mage."

"Nice to meet you," Kazuma said and walked over to the opposite side of the table to where Iris was."

"Kazuma," an exasperated Darkness said. "What did you get the princess?"

"I already told you, one of the greatest presents any twelve year old could ever hope for," he motioned to the table. "HeroMon cards."

And sure enough, there on the table were two dozen packs all still in their wrappers.

"Your gift to Belzerg's princess, the stylish sword Iris, was playing cards?" Darkness squealed.

"Hey, give me a little more credit, will you? I wouldn't cheap out on a present to royalty you know? I got her six starter packs along with ALL the boosters INCLUDING a were beast pack that has the ultra-rare wererabbit card in it. Only ninety-nine of those were made. A lot of kids would kill to get their hands on one. I went all out." He crossed his arms over his chest and gave her a smug grin.

Darkness put a hand to her face and groaned.