Unfortunately, the next steps for coping and moving on was really talking about what happened with someone. And that someone was James MacKenzie. The facilities top psychologist. Even though she was still healing from her injuries and knew gate travel wouldn't happen for quite some time, she didn't have a choice. If she wanted to be cleared eventually she would have to go through this process first. And what better time when you're on leave injured than waiting until you're healed physically and wasting more time to get to go through the gate again. It'd already been a week since everything happened.
Sitting uncomfortably in the chair before his desk, Sam waited patiently for him to start asking his questions to observe her, read her, evaluate her. As if she was a new species behind a glass wall at a zoo.
"How is your day going Colonel Carter?" Small talk. How much she hated that, couldn't they just dive right in?
"Fine."
"Any pain lately?" He nodded towards her leg.
"It's healing. Still a little achy and have to be careful with it, but on the mend." She gave him a tight smile.
"And the concussion?"
Was this a doctors appointment or a psychological evaluation? "Headaches off and on. Sometimes find myself forgetting things. Which is normal. The forgetfulness that is." This wasn't her first go around with a concussion. She knew how much they could mess with you mentally, emotionally, and physically. The headaches that came with them, the grogginess, forgetting what you're doing as you go to do it.
"And how are you?"
"I'm-I'm okay. Coping."
"What are some of the ways you are finding yourself coping Colonel?"
"Being away from the base is hard, but I'm working through not being able to be here to keep myself occupied. Having Teal'c, Daniel, and J-General O'Neill around as much as they can be helps."
His eyes squinted at her last response. "And what are some of the ways you are coping?"
Looking down at her hands twisting in her lap, she took a breath. "I have been talking about what happened when I feel I need to and when I wake from nightmares."
"What are the nightmares about?" His hands folded in front of him on the desk as he leaned forward.
Licking her lips, she pressed on. "That entire day."
"What day?" He pushed.
Frowning, she knew this was his job. But that didn't mean she needed to like it. Eventually she knew he was going to make her walk through the entire day step by step, moment by moment, second by second. That, she was not sure she was ready for yet. Especially with someone she wasn't close with.
"The day I was almost killed." Giving him a cold hard stare through her lashes, she gripped her fingers tightly.
"Have you ever experienced anything like this? On Earth that is?" He already knew that answer.
"Yes." She still had yet to break eye contact. Eye contact he was confidently maintaining.
"When Adrian Conrad tried to kill you."
"Yes." Exactly when Adrian Conrad had tried to kill her. Turn her into a test subject. Of course she had gone through other events on Earth that were similar. But this had taken the cake. Adrian Conrad and his cronies hadn't shot her with an arrow. Hadn't beaten her and hung her up in a barn to rot at their hands. Hadn't intentionally tried to kill Jack. Hadn't tried to rape her.
"How is this different?" With everything she had just listed off in her head to herself.
"Adrian Conrad and his people wanted to use me as a test subject. Figure out the relationship between a human body and a symbiote. It was purely scientific."
"And what happened in Minnesota, was not." It wasn't a question. It was a fact. It wasn't scientific, it wasn't experimenting. It wasn't to heal another human and figure out how to make them better. It was out of pure evil and completely sadistic. Torture for fun. Entertainment. Self-satisfaction.
"No, it wasn't." She agreed.
It wasn't even close. And the next hour with MacKenzie showed her just that. The next hour had her mind spinning, her emotions rising, her pain returning. But she had to stay. Had to talk. Even if they were just scratching the surface.
Thankfully the hour was up and she hardly registered him telling her to have a good rest of her day as she slid the crutches under her arms and went straight out of his office into the hall of the base. If she would have been paying attention she would have seen Daniel and Jack talking off to the side, but she was in her head. Replaying not only Minnesota, but Adrian Conrad. Heading straight for the elevator she missed the confused and worried looks from both men.
Taking deep breaths in and slowly letting them out, she forced herself to stay under control. Keep her emotions under control. All the emotions that were now swirling through her entire body. Anger, fear, frustration, terror, confusion. Before the elevator door had completely slid open she was shuffling in and hitting the button for the top levels before she could get on the elevator to take her to the top of the base. She wanted to go home. Get out of here.
She had missed the way Jack had put a hand against Daniel's chest, telling him silently to stay put as he followed her into the elevator. His body just over her shoulder wasn't even something she was registering right now. Tears welled in her eyes as she stared at the silver of the closed elevator door. Hardly phased as the door slid open giving her the go ahead to get to the next elevator.
Crutching into the next elevator, instead of turning around to hit the button to take her to the top, she found herself stuck. Staring at the back of the elevator. She heard Jack's fingers sliding across the button and tapping it. The door sliding shut. The motors rumbling as the elevator started moving. He was lingering, behind her. How badly she wanted to turn around into his arms had her almost shaking. But not here. Not on base. Gripping the handles of the crutches tighter, she just stood there instead. Waiting.
As if on autopilot, as soon as the door slid open, she was shuffling out of the base ignoring the looks, the whispers, the checkout itself completely as she crutched right through going straight for her car. Which thankfully Jack had been okay with driving to begin with. Getting up and down out of his truck with her leg hurt and was more of a task for both of them rather than with her car, she could slid in and out with ease.
He put her crutches in the backseat as she settled on the passengers side. She was shaken from her stare down at her hands as he shut the drivers side door after getting in himself.
"Wanta talk?" That's when the dam broke again. For the millionth time in the last two weeks. Turning abruptly to him she found herself throwing her arms around his shoulders and burying her face between her own arm and his neck. Tears streamed down her face as her body shook. As his own hands came up behind her back tightly and held her.
Shaking her head no to his question, she clung to him. She had just spent the last hour talking. Listening. Feeling. Trying to comprehend. She didn't want to talk right now. Didn't want to listen. Just wanted silence and peace. Comfort.
And that was exactly what he provided. Silence while she cried into his neck. Comfort as he held her just as close to him over the middle piece of her car. Four of his fingers from one hand applying pressure as he rubbed her back, back and forth. Repeatedly. He had been lucky enough that he had only needed the sling for his shoulder for just that first week and had been able to get rid of it two days ago. His shoulder was still tender and achy, but he no longer had it confined to his chest.
After a few minutes, she let out a heavy breath feeling the tension and pain flow right out of her body. Unravelling her arms, she sat upright placing her hands on his shoulders. His own hands slid down to her lower back giving her the space she needed to sit up properly. Sliding her right hand across his shoulder, she used her thumb to wipe the side of his neck free from her tears before resting it there, her thumb going up to his jaw and cheek.
"Sorry." She smiled sheepishly at the wet stain around the neck of his shirt that was about to become permanent in all of his clothing.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. You can ruin any shirt you'd like." His hands slid up her back just a few centimeters before settling back where they were as he returned his own smile. "Ready to go home?"
Nodding as she closed her eyes to pull in that last bit of herself, she opened them just as his lips made contact with the middle of her forehead. Smiling softly at his tender touch she ran her thumb up and down his jaw line before letting him go and sitting back in her seat. Pulling the seatbelt across herself as he did the same. And then they were on their way. Home.
-x-x-x-
Hands were tight at her ankles as they held her legs down. More hands on her thighs, her wrists, her shoulders. She couldn't move. As much as she tried. Screams for help escaped through her open mouth. A bright light shined down on her from above. Making it so she couldn't see any faces of the hands holding her. All she could see was the sharp needle coming towards her. She didn't want to die. Not here. Not now.
Another hand came from her right grabbing her bicep this time, but they weren't holding it down. They were shaking it. The needle drew nearer with the gloved hand on the opposite side. Glinting under the light above her. Screams rang through her ears. She couldn't tell if they even belonged to her at this point or if there were more people here with her. That she just couldn't see.
She could hear a voice, but it was muffled. Fuzzy. And her screams were drowning it out. The blood rushing through her ears blocked the voice.
Suddenly the hands on her body disappeared and she jerked upright.
"Sam!" Gasping for a breath which left her lungs just as quickly, she blinked a few times to clear her heavy eyes.
There in front of her was not only the dash of her car but Jack's house. Jacks house? Was she still dreaming? The hand on right bicep suddenly shifted her so she was facing them just as a second hand grasped her left bicep. Jack.
"Hey, you're okay. You were just dreaming. You're safe." He was kneeling next to her in the gravel outside the car. She was still in the car. They hadn't made it to her house yet.
"Wha-what are-where-" Forming a sentence as she tried to piece her surroundings together, she couldn't quite finish. She knew they were at Jack's house, but how long had they been here? When had she even fallen asleep in the car? Was it even still the same day she thought it was?
"Just stopped by my place to grab some more clothes. You fell asleep, I heard you screaming from inside the house." Cringing at his words she looked down at the gravel where his knee met the rough surface. "Come on." Frowning in confusion, she let him pull her out of the car. Surprised he didn't grab her crutches, she let him lead her up to his front door as she hobbled along.
The doctor didn't want her off crutches completely, but they were okay with her slowly taking them away for small increments of time every day. As soon as they were inside, he was shutting the door behind them and was surprised when he didn't take them left down into the living room. Instead, he veered them to the right. Right towards his bedroom.
Everything that was Jack O'Neill hit her as they stepped into his room. The blinds were open letting some of the daylight in as the bedroom light itself was off. But he didn't stop, he kept walking her to the bed where he sat her on the closest side. Silently he kneeled in front of her, sliding off her shoes before standing and kicking off his own. Next he moved onto her jacket, sliding it down both arms as he discarded it on the dresser behind him. Just next to his bedroom door. Without a word he nodded towards the bed just before he walked around to the other side. Shuffling up to the pillows, she leaned back against the headboard-less wall of his bed watching as he pulled his pullover up and over his head revealing the white t-shirt underneath.
Then he was crawling into the bed himself to her left. "Jack?"
"Sleep." His hands meticulously pulled the comforter up from under them behind and around them as she slid down the bed and let the pillow under her take the weight of her head. He curled up on his side, shuffling up beside her. Watching him like a hawk she stared at him.
"I don't-"
"Sam, sleep." Instead of arguing with him she turned onto her right side and met him in the middle as she scooted back towards him and he covered the gap between them. Lifting her head, she let him slide his right arm under her before using it as her own personal pillow. Warmth filled her as his left arm came around her waist and settled on her belly, splaying there comfortably. "I'll be here when you wake up." Closing her eyes at his tenderness and warmth, she couldn't help but smile as he kissed the back of her head.
Both of them settled and comfortable, she let the darkness of sleep take her.
-x-x-x-
The sun was still shining and he couldn't find himself falling asleep to join her little cat nap she oh so clearly needed. Her hair glistened under the sunlight that was streaming past his cracked blinds. The dark circles under her closed eyes made his heart clench. Sleep came and went. Some nights she would sleep through the night. No tussles, no dreams, no waking up. Other nights were restless and hardly spent sleeping. He had no idea how in depth she and MacKenzie had gotten today, and if she wanted to share that with him, he would let her. But he wasn't going to push her. She'd talk about it if she wanted to. She had already opened up to him more than he expected over the last week alone during this healing journey she was still on. He just wished it didn't affect her sleep as much as it did. That didn't help the healing concussion or anything for that matter at all.
He wasn't surprised when she fell asleep in the car on their way to her house. The thought of asking her if she was okay with stopping by his house so he could grab more clothes passed the forefront of his mind, but he didn't bother. She had enough going on in that big brain of hers, he didn't need to add his needs on top of it. He figured he would just head there on the way and make a quick pit stop and if she asked, he'd tell her what his plan was and then take her home once he was done. But he hadn't gotten the chance for her to question him on the different route as she had fallen asleep before they had even gotten completely down the mountain and into Colorado Springs.
They both knew he wasn't going to be at her side twenty-four seven, and he knew deep down he wouldn't be able to protect her from her own dreams, feelings, and thoughts. But he could at least keep himself close to help her through them. And he had failed. He had gone inside for just a minute, had grabbed no more than one shirt before screaming had reached his ears from outside.
A tear trekked down the side of his face, disappearing into the pillow at the sight of how terrified she looked. Waking up in the car alone, not knowing where she was. He shouldn't have left her. Shouldn't have stopped at his house. He should have taken her straight home like he said. He hated seeing this side of her. Scared. Worried. Fearful. He wanted Carter back. The confident, bright, positive, and happy Carter he was used to. Frowning at his own thoughts, he regretted them. Feeling as if he was doubting her. She would get there. He knew she would. But she just needed time. How much time, he had no idea. But he would be there for her no matter what.
"Everything okay?" Her soft voice shook him from his thoughts. Glancing down at her, he realized she was awake and her head was turned over her shoulder towards him. Eyes staring intently. Worrying.
"Sure is." He scooted back an inch as she rolled onto her back. Leaning down he kissed her softly. Just as the tips of their tongues touched, he pulled back. Smiling down at her, he brushed a few stray bangs out of her eyes.
The furrowed brows underneath them met his gaze as he studied each strand of hair he moved. "Jack?" Her palm on her side of his face had him redirecting his eyes back to hers.
"I'm fine." Covering her hand with his own, he turned his face into the soft skin there and kissed the middle of her palm. "Just thinking."
"That's dangerous." She smirked as her thumb grew a mind of its own, stroking his temple from the end of his eyebrow into his hairline and back. "What were you thinking about?"
Seeing the concern in her features, the doubt masked in her eyes, the fear. "That I'm one lucky son of a bitch." Leaning back down he set forth his task of eliminating the doubt, the fear, the worry, everything negative from her feelings and thoughts. Clearing the space between them again, he kissed her solidly this time. Nipping at her healed lips. Caressing her tongue with his own as her hand that palmed the side of his face slid up into his unruly hair.
A moan from the back of her throat had him smirking against her lips. Her left hand had come up between them, fisting the front of his t-shirt. Burying his own left hand against the nape of her neck and in her hair, he squished her into the softness of the bed below them as he hovered over her, propped on his right elbow. Careful of her healing thigh, he slid his left leg over it, nudging his knee between her legs. Pushing up just slightly, her mouth gaped against his. Pulling back from her mouth he slid his bottom lip between his teeth satisfied with the fact her eyes were closed and her eyebrows were nearly joining her hairline. Pressing his knee a little closer he dove down to the space between the back of her ear and her neck as she tucked her own bottom lip between her teeth. The whimper that came out of her as he applied more pressure had a jolt of heat pooling in his belly shooting straight to his groin.
Sliding his left hand under her own shirt, he felt intoxicated just by the touch of her soft bare skin. Pausing at the jump her body gave as his thumb slid across her side, he pulled back to look at her. Both of her lips were tucked into her teeth and the look of worry she had was more playful than it was out of fear. Her fingers in his shirt and hair tighter than before.
"Carter?" Another smirk lifted the corner of his lip. "Are you ticklish?" Testing his question, he scarcely slid his thumb across her side again, just under her ribs. Almost immediately she jerked from his touch again. A hint of a tight smile coming from her lips trapped between her own teeth. "Note taken."
Seeing her mouth open to protest verbally, he claimed it with his own again instead. Swallowing any words she had to say. Once satisfied that she had forgotten anything she had wanted to say, he made a trail with his mouth from under her jaw, down to her chest. His body shuffling down the bed still careful of her thigh as he moved with his mouth. Pushing her shirt up as he settled his body between her legs, he had hardly processed the fact that she had pushed herself up on her elbows just enough for him to swiftly pull the light cotton material up and over her head. Setting back on his mission, he kissed the space between her white bra clad breasts.
Continuing the trek down south, he trailed soft kisses down her belly, stopping just below her belly button. "Another surprise?" As soon as his mouth hit something cold and metallic, he pulled back and sat up on his haunches. There before him sat a pierced belly button. A small diamond just above her belly button and another just inside.
"I was only fifteen." She argued, something she obviously wasn't very proud of. Yet she still continued to embrace it all these years later. How had he never seen it or realized she had the piercing?
"I like it." Kissing it softly, he moved below it. Kissing and nipping at the expanse of skin before moving back up to her twin peaks. Burying his face there, he used his nose to push the material out of the way, happy that the strap had slid down her arm with his maneuver. That made the material give away even more, giving him full access just before his lips found home. The little bud perked up in his mouth as he suckled at the sensitive skin. Teething it ever so slightly, not understanding or feeling the effects that had on her.
"J-Jack." Her hands slid down into his hair as he did the same to her other breast. Her nails digging in just slightly as he lightly bit the nub there. A sharp gasp rewarded him just before he started licking and sucking that side just as he had the other.
Moving back up, he planted his lips firmly against hers. His hands having a plan of their own as he unbuttoned her jeans and slid the zipper down. Her hips lifted up off the bed as he slid them down as far as he could with his hands without breaking contact. She followed him as he sat back up on his haunches again, her knees coming up on each side of him. Grabbing the bottom of her jeans that hung just above her socked toes, he pulled them clean off. Tossing them over his shoulder.
Hands of her own against his chest stopped him from kissing her. They worked the front of his shirt, pulling it up and over his head just as he had done to her. As soon as it was over his head, her hands went to each side of his face, pulling him back to her mouth. Dropping his hands to his own jeans he unbuttoned and unzipped them, shoving them down to his knees as he pushed up from his haunches to his knees in front of her without breaking contact between their needy lips.
The fire in his belly grew as her fingers ran down his back, before digging in just below his shoulder blades. Pushing her back, he kicked his jeans off while his body followed her down. The material of his boxers and her underwear created friction between them as he pressed against her, settling between her legs again. Looping a finger in the side of the material at her hip, he yanked them down her thighs, apologizing as it hit the bandage on her leg just right and she hissed from the contact. Throwing that over his shoulder as well he leaned down and kissed the still bandaged thigh.
But he wasn't able to stay there long or move to her warm center as she pulled him back up to face her. Her hands again, doing what he had just done. Albeit it more delicately as she pushed his boxers down. Freeing his throbbing member.
"S-Sam, are you sure?" Not quite sure why he was even asking that, he felt foolish. They'd already gone this far. He wasn't sure why he was suddenly questioning it now.
A soft laugh and amused smile greeted him as she pushed his face down to hers, pressing their foreheads together. Making sure to grab her right thigh instead of her left, he felt her nose brush against his as he pushed into her. Her open mouth sent hot waves of heat against his cheek and own mouth as she adjusted to him. After giving her a second, he pressed in further. Realizing he hit home as she whimpered. A noise he would never get sick of.
Placing his lips on hers, he kissed her once, twice, three times before he started moving. The tips of her fingers dug deeper into his back as she bit her bottom lip. Dropping his face over her shoulder, just next to her own, he pulled out before thrusting back in. A gasp blew into his ear as she turned her face into the side of his. One of her hands moved up from his back to the side of his face, pressing and grasping tightly there.
His thrusts went deeper and deeper, her whimpers started turning vocal mixed in with his own grunts of pleasure. "Ja-Jack. Oh god." She hummed against his cheek; her nose pressed into the skin there as her eyes shut tightly.
"I got you." Feeling her flex around him, growing tighter and tighter with each passing second, he could feel his own edge about to give away. Reaching down between them, he thumbed her tight bundle of nerves. Almost instantly she shattered under him. Her insides locked tight around him as she was sent into spiraling spasms. With a few more sharp thrusts of his own, he followed her into the abyss.
Working his body through the pleasurable tension, he kept his hips tight against hers, pressing as deep as he could, hitting her in just the right spot as her body tensed for a second time in a matter of seconds. Her cries of pleasure had him smiling as she clung to him. Letting his body give in, he let his hips and stomach drop down onto her lower chest, belly, and between her legs as they both caught their breath. The hand that she had against the side of his face, moved back into his hair, caressing softly as her other hand relaxed against his back, pressing ever so lightly.
Leaning up, he placed a soft kiss against her lips before settling his head between her breasts. A few minutes of them relishing in each other's presence and what just took place passed before he spoke.
"I didn't hurt you did I?" Picking his head up, he stared at her nervously. She was still healing after all. Hell he'd snagged the bandages on her thigh, what other damage did he do that he wasn't aware of?
"No, not at all." A soft smile was returned to him. Relief washed over him. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her more than she already was. "Sam?" His heart was in his throat even more so as her blue eyes locked with his.
"Hmm?"
"I uh-I think I love you." Well, there was no going back from that.
Her body shook ever so slightly as she chuckled. Feeling nervous, he frowned. "I think I love you too." She responded without hesitation.
"Sweet."
END PART 8