Ch 27: Reigniting Embers
When the morning came, Spadix stroked Jin's cheek and hair softly as the dragon slept, watching her. Jin's grip had eased overnight but she was still coiled around the owl for dear life, easily tucked and encircled around the much smaller girl. Spadix already had the start of bruising on her sides after two nights of Jin's emotional tight embrace from what the owl could only assume were the struggles of her subconscious in its sleeping vulnerable state battling her mind.
However, she refused to say anything. Right now, she knew Jin couldn't handle hearing that she was hurting her girlfriend in any way. Spadix was willing to take it if it meant helping Jin get through this, especially because it would usually subside throughout the night.
With the owl's forehead resting against hers, Jin's eyes opened softly. As her vision came into focus, she heard the soft, gentle voice like sweet music fill her ears from her beloved's lips, "Good morning Jin. Want to go get some breakfast with me today?"
Her eyes stared into those beautiful swirls and the dragon smiled lightly, leaning to kiss the owl tenderly as she nodded lightly. Spadix could only smile. This was still unusually soft for her lover but it was relieving to have more and more of her dragon back with each passing day. It meant they were getting closer and closer to normal again and being able to finally work through what happened to help her get better.
She got out of bed, gently pulling Jin out with her and pushing Jin into the bathroom, "you should shower. You haven't in a while. I'll get dressed and wait for you."
Jin flashed her what seemed like a smirk for the briefest of seconds before her face washed back to this new state of herself again as she disappeared into the bathroom. Spadix tried not to let it make her blush or giddy. She knew better than to get excited about momentary flashes of old habits that were buried beneath the pain too soon. Her motives in getting the dragon in the shower were mostly to help get Jin back to a healthy routine of course but also so she could change without the girl seeing her bruises and inspect them again herself.
They weren't terrible but they were incredibly tender and irritated. In the first few hours each night that Jin falls asleep, the dragon's grip fluctuates intensely as she experiences her weaknesses, sometimes bearing down so tightly it breaks Spadix from her own sleep and pulls the air from her own lungs and causes her aura to crackle.
It takes everything in her to sooth the dragon into loosening her grip without squirming or crying out but the calm usually only lasts for a short while before Jin squeezes again. Around the bottom of her ribs were particularly dark and sore, her aura struggling to heal the areas since they were receiving constant assault.
She let out a sigh as she touched the area with a wince before getting dressed and hiding it. She adorned the beautiful new hood and mask as well and waited for Jin, hearing the shower stop. When the door cracked to let the steam out and she knew Jin was dressed, she slipped in, sharing the sink to get through the rest of their routines before heading down to the cafeteria with Jin hand in hand. She could feel Jin's thumb rubbing over her talons and smiled. She loved when Jin did that. It made her feel so accepted for traits her family always shamed her for and tried to take away from her.
They got through breakfast in a way that actually felt very normal. Jin smiled and they talked like normal. Today so far felt good, like things were really picking back up. Passing signs for the Vytal Festival on the way back seemed to also brighten Jin's mood, "We can start training together soon you know. And when the others get back we'll get back with my Mother to keep up our work as promised."
Spadix chuckled slightly and nodded, "We can give Fang Fists a go and find out how you like them."
Jin's grin beamed and Spadix could feel her heart melt. That toothy iridescent dragon smile could make her weak at the knees and she missed it so much. Even though it had only been a week, she was getting scared she wasn't going to see it again for a long time. She was almost immediately saddened, realizing now that she would have to get Jin to talk to her about what was going on if they were going to all depend on each other to fight together.
Jin felt Spadix stop when they first entered the room and turned to face her, "Hey what's up?"
Her eyes locked on the hung head of her small faunus, confused. Spadix was quiet for a moment. She felt awful about ruining Jin's joy now that it was finally coming back, battling inside herself to do what she knew she had to, especially if they were all going to put their backs on the line in an arena together with Jin. "Jin… I'm so happy that you are in such good spirits today but… you have to tell me what happened."
Gone. Slipping through the owl's fingers she felt Jin's warm hand begin to quiver and leave her until they were gone. The room was so deathly quiet she could hear her own pulse running in her neck. When she looked up, Jin's back was to her. "Jin… You can't keep avoiding it. I know it's hard. It's been hard for me every time I had something too but I love you and I'm here for you."
Jin growled a warning lightly, "I don't want to discuss it, Spadix."
The owl frowned, nibbling on her bottom lip, "Jin… that's not fair… you always had me talk to you about what was wrong, sometimes even making me feel guilty for shutting you out… I'm doing my best here to be supportive and help you in every way I can but I need you to let me in…please… talk to me."
Jin slowly sat on her bed with a heavy sigh and stared at the floor before glancing over at Spadix. She watched the owl carefully, seeing her loving, sad eyes tinged with frustrated waters daring to run free. She knew Spadix was right. In the past year, Jin had pressed Spadix, though lovingly, to open up to her anytime something was wrong. To let the dragon be there for her and be a part of her world. To let her be the hands that healed her.
And here was Spadix, being amazing at it. So much better than Jin had ever been at caring for someone. She hadn't tried to pry or make Jin open up. She had let Jin zombie around as needed in silence, not even trying to force a brighter mood on her if Jin just needed to ride it out. She made sure Jin ate, stayed clean, and held her at night when she was at her worst. Not that Jin didn't do any of those things Jin just wasn't good at it in the same ways, having not come from the same world.
She reached out a hand, staring back down to the floor and closing her eyes. When she felt the taloned fingers sliding into her grasp, she wrapped her hand around her lover's timid touch and gently pulled her into her arms, holding Spadix in her lap and close to her chest. She felt the soft fabric of the hood tuck under her own warm chin and the small body curl into her chest, holding onto Jin's shoulders and legs draping down the side of Jin's. A soft, loving whisper melted Jin's strong walls around her aching soul as a gentle hand caressed her cheek, "Tell me what happened Golden Dragon so I can help you shine again."
Jin cracked, wrapping her arms around Spadix's waist and shoulder and holding her close, more to ground herself than anything else, "I have a cousin who has hated me for as long as I can remember. Our entire lives she tortured me. Until I was 6 years old she would go as far as attacking me with baby Grimm. I've been stung by baby death stalkers in my bag, rapier wasps after being covered in their favorite sap, peaked at by baby nevermores, chased by baby beowulf, and so on. After that it was beating me up on playgrounds and at school and making fun of me so I had no friends until we both were at Signal Academy. That's where it really got shitty. She had always been able to make me hate myself for being a faunus. But as we were becoming teenagers and learning to fight… her mom is a prestigious figure… and she was top of her class with good looks and tons of friends… well… it wasn't hard for everyone to easily agree with her."
Jin sighed, feeling Spadix rub her shoulder, "She was my every waking nightmare. She knew just how to beat me down. Find my every insecurity and exploit them. Dig into me until I hated that I existed. My parents don't know the sheer amount of times I laid awake at night wishing I was dead because of her, or the amount of times I secretly tried ripping my own teeth out or when I broke my Mother's angle grinder in the garage on my fangs trying to remove them when I was 12 but I lied and just said I was trying to work on Fang Fists and snapped it."
Jin felt Spadix hold her tightly, nuzzling sweetly into her to sooth her, quietly giving Jin her full attention. God Jin loved this girl so much. Jin wrapped more wholly around Spadix, only now realizing her own shaking body and slight quivering in her voice, "I guess that's all when I started getting angry a lot at home with my Mother. I didn't have any outlet for my feelings and she was the only human in the house and the only one not doing anything to stop it from happening to me. I think part of me felt betrayed and abandoned by that from a parent I adored. The other part of me knew she'd fight back and I needed that somehow. My cousin was always stronger than me and always won if I tried fighting back so I just didn't. But she easily got the students on her side. I'd go through every day being called a monster, people acting scared of me, being treated less than human. And I responded in kind because I was so miserable all the time."
Amber eyes closed tight, "It only made her right, but I couldn't take it. Mom was always busy with the babies, Mother worked a lot to help keep everyone cared for so she was on missions a lot. The teachers didn't really have much of a damn clue. To them I was just some trouble maker getting into fights all the time. With Aunt Ruby and Aunt Weiss not really family much since I was younger, I didn't have to deal with her for holidays anymore so I only saw her at school. So when she went off to Haven two years ahead of me I thought I was finally free. And I put her behind me and healed. Students moved on without her influence. It was like a bad dream."
Jin sighed, shaking harder until she felt Spadix's arms loop tightly around her and heard her whisper, "it's ok, I got you."
She took a breath and continued, "But that all changed this year. My aunts are together again so it was the holidays like before. And there was Dove. She still hates me. And she still knows my insecurities. I might seem like I embrace my trait and my semblance but it's not entirely true. I understand I can't change them. But deep down, buried away in places I have forgotten and refuse to reach, there still is all this hate and fear of them. People still stare sometimes, and my teeth and semblance still makes people weary, I can see it in how they flinch around me even when I'm nice. It's heavy to carry around, you know? For the most part, while I was bummed and depressed with each passing night of her lashing into me I was getting through it just counting the days. But then she found out about you. And I don't know how she knew but she found out about the incident with our heat cycle and about how eager I can be and all of well everything and she just tore me apart like I'm some sort of… like I have been… forcing you and hurting you… and … and…"
Spadix felt tears falling onto her face and turned in Jin's tight embrace, squirming a bit to move, hiding winces as the arms hit her bruises. Her lips kissed at the wet streaks falling on Jin's cheeks as her hands held the dragon's face, "Jin… Jin no. Please. Please listen. Look at me Jin please."
Jin's amber orbs opened and looked into swirls of silver and gold that were glistening in the sunlight in the room, glowing with care and sincerity that pierced into her and made her begin to sob weakly as she let go of her walls completely.
Spadix stared back, giving a gentle, kind smile and brushed hair from Jin's face, "There's that beautiful soul I love. Listen to me Jin. You have never forced anything on me. You have been eager, sure but you still have respected me when I have asked you to stop. Even if you get grumpy, you listen. And I have always understood that you are different from me. It was a challenge I knew we would have to work through from the start. And I knew it wouldn't be easy and I accepted you as mine anyway. People are not perfect but you have NEVER forced me. You also have never really hurt me. We've had some struggles and that too comes with learning how to make things work and sure that can be rough but it's a process and we get through it together."
She kissed at Jin's face more, soothing the tears, "Whatever happens in our heat cycle is not our fault. I was not afraid of you. I was afraid of myself and what I had no control over within myself. Either of us are capable of hurting the other. Neither of us knows what can happen and we both know now to plan better. She's human so she can't understand. We don't have to like it either. But it's no different than breathing air. Nothing we can avoid or do anything about. Acceptance will be the fastest route to happiness."
Jin held onto a hand touching her face, easing as Spadix soothed her hurting heart. Spadix leaned and kissed her forehead down her nose and to her lips, "And I happen to love your teeth. I love the way they shimmer in the light, how they brighten your face when you smile. I even love when you grit them and show them when you growl. They bare so much expression and the color is pearly and beautiful. They remind me that I'm not the only one that people stare at and don't understand and I don't feel alone anymore. They make me feel accepted and safe when you are around. I love how they show when you laugh. I'm so glad you still have every point and tooth in that pretty mouth of yours."
Jin couldn't help but chuckle as she cried, Spadix watching and nuzzling her face, "See, there you are. I knew you were still in there somewhere. I just needed to find you under all that darkness."
Jin pulled her close, kissing her deeply, her arms pressing the owl close to her. Spadix could taste the salty tears in the kiss but held onto Jin and smiled, just happy to have the dragon back and to have been able to be trusted enough to get to the bottom of it all. She felt Jin hold her tighter and couldn't help but twitch slightly.
Jin pulled back, watching her slightly and Spadix rubbed the back of her neck, "It's fine really. You have just been squeezing me rather tightly in your sleep and I'm tender. But I'm going to be fine, really. Don't worry about it."
Jin tried to reach for Spadix's shirt but the owl stopped her, her voice firm as she gripped Jin's wrists and locked eyes with her, "Jin, I said I'm fine, really. Relax, it's ok. You've done worse to my neck during sex and you don't hear me complaining about any of that right?"
Jin's cheeks pinked a bit but she shook her head no. The owl nuzzled her face softly, "Alright then. If I tell you I am fine, I'm fine. I have never given you a reason to think I'm lying to you. I'm not going to start now just to cushion your feelings. So you need to trust me and quit being so hard on yourself ok? It has to stop or you are always going to feel this way. I'm small, not frail. I might be gentle and timid but I am not made of glass. Keep treating me like I am and you are only going to eventually piss me off. I don't like you being too rough with me but you can't keep treating me like every little thing that accidentally leaves a mark is the end of the world either. I'm stronger than that, understand?"
Jin stared at Spadix, analyzing her serious expression. Her own lips curled slightly into the smallest smile and she nodded, "Got it. Sorry."
Spadix released her wrists and kissed her nose, "Don't be. It's sweet that you care that much about me. But seriously I'm not that breakable. Give me a bit more credit."
Jin chuckled and nodded, "Alright Little Bird, I promise."
Jin flopped backwards onto her bed and sighed, feeling immense relief at the lifted burdens. She stared up at Spadix still perched on her lap who was watching her, "hey Spadix?"
The owl tilted her head in response, listening carefully. "Thank you… for being so wonderful…"
Spadix shook her head lightly and slipped her knees around Jin's thighs, leaning over her on her hands and smiling down at her, "Haven't you figured it out by now? Of course… you have my whole heart."
Jin grinned up at her, propping up on her elbows, Spadix's hands holding herself up just tucked next to Jin's ribs on either side. The tails of her hood draped down on the sides to the bed. Her mask was already pulled down at her neck since breakfast.
Spadix could feel the rising intimate tension between them as it suddenly revealed itself. Jin watched that pink tint cover the pale cheeks and across the nose that she loved seeing on Spadix's face as the owl taunted her playfully, "Now I believe you owe me for how worried you've had me. And after giving me such a gorgeous gift too then just leaving me a wreck in silence for the rest of the break."
Jin smirked and reached out, her fingers grazing along her lover's cheek, feeling the owl lean into her hand as they leaned into each other, lips pressing lips. Jin felt Spadix's talons in her hair, pulling Jin up against herself until Jin was sitting back up and pressed close. The dragon's soft tongue gained entrance into her lover's lips and pressed against her's. Her hands slid to the knot on the hood and loosened it, pulling the smooth fabric away and breaking the kiss only to pull the mask portion up over Spadix's head before their lips were engaged again.
While such a simple piece of clothing may never seem like much to anyone else, the article was always a big removal for the owl. An exposure from one of her safest comforts that Jin tried her best most times to give time after before moving on as to not shell shock the smaller faunus while she adjusted to the loss of the safety blanket. As they breathed heavily through their noses, lips pressed tightly with tongues smoothly exploring one another, Jin held her close to herself, waiting for a sign she was clear to proceed, any bit of body language or sound Spadix was interested or comfortable. She was so content in this moment the rest of the world melted away and was lost to her senses, as if nothing else mattered or existed but the person here with her now.
However, the body language she got was so unexpected and startling it took Jin longer than she liked to admit to realize what was happening around her. With her heartbeat thundering in her ears she could hardly even hear around her. Instead of the usual response of a noise of enjoyment or desire or a movement of encouragement or need, Jin got a swift hand on her chest that followed with an intense pressure as Spadix shoved sharply off of her lap so quickly that Jin was thrown backwards onto her bed in utter confusion and shock. It all happened so fast Jin couldn't make head nor tail of the situation and found herself coughing a bit from the sheer force on her chest. Spadix was standing there, talking? To whom? Saying what? What was happening? How did Spadix already get her hood and mask back on so fast?
At the door, Indi and Sterling were walking in with their bags, having managed to not see anything to Spadix's thankful surprise. The owl was a deep red under her mask. Indi finally looked up and smiled, Sterling was still closing the door. Spadix was nervously tugging the top of her hood and occasionally glancing at the hidden stitched emblem. Indi came into Jin's view hugging Spadix. In the moment, Jin felt her body tense and a growl low in her throat no one could hear as if someone unknown was touching something that was hers. As her mind relaxed from the haze she had been startled into, she calmed down, realizing Indi was saying something to her, "Huh?"
Spadix glared at her uncomfortably as Jin sat up. Indi just raised a brow, "um… I asked how you were feeling today?"
Jin rubbed her slightly flushed face, her mind still trying to ground herself after being so passionately wrapped up in her lover, "oh… I'm fine just… tired, I guess?"
Behind Indi, Jin could see Spadix's palm fly to her face. Even if it was telling that she was super embarrassed that their teammates just walked in on them, Jin had to admit it was super cute she was so flustered. The dragon smiled genuinely before giving Indi her attention again. Indi wasn't an easy one to hide anything from though so Spadix would be lucky if the girl didn't already figure it out by now. Nothing really ever got past that girl's eyes… ever. Indi glanced over her shoulder at Spadix briefly, having caught Jin's gaze, watching Spadix quickly hide her face away as the owl went about to busy herself with helping Sterling.
When she turned back to Jin she just sounded curious, "Tired huh?"
Jin smirked in a challenging way at Indi, leaning back on her hands and crossing a leg over her other knee, "Yep. Tired. It's been a rough week. But, I'm doing much better now and ready to get back to training tomorrow with everyone."
Jin glared, teeth showing as she darkened her grin, "How about you Indi, you ready for more hand to hand training?"
Indi could sense the challenge and backed down, groaning, crawling onto her bunk and flopping with her headset, "No… All my bruises finally healed and Teach is just gonna lay a bunch right back into me…ugh!"
Sterling got his things put away and stood at the desk, observing the work on Jin's weapons, "these are really nice."
Indi sat up, the desk not far from the foot end of her and Spadix's bunk. She leaned stomach down on her bed and looked over them as Sterling held and turned them in his hands, "Oooo Spadix those are so cool! You were right they do look just like your talons! Jin Fang Fists look so good!"
Jin chuckled, nodding, "yea… Spadix had to help me get them on but, I'm looking forward to trying them out tomorrow. I think while you two continue with Mother, me and Spadix are going to start doubles training since there isn't much time left."
The two glanced at each other before looking back at their leader. Sterling frowning, "But you still can't calm your mind for longer than like…20 minutes…"
Jin looked over at Spadix as she was getting herself settled in with a book to try to relax herself. Jin smiled, her mind racing with every moment and memory with Spadix she could conjure that brought her so much peace, an intense sense of calm washing over herself, "I think I finally figured that one out actually."