Roman still hasn't officially met Gerri's daughters. He has met them, of course, but that was when he was a scrawny ten-year-old and they were sweet little four-year-olds. He thinks he remembers teaching one of them how to play Bitey and getting a smack in the mouth from his father as punishment, even though Logan was the one who taught him and Kendall to play it. Do as I say, not as I do.
As the wedding approaches, Gerri still seems reluctant to let Roman meet her girls, who are going to be bridesmaids. "I have to meet them sometime," he tells her. "It would be weird if we only met each other on the day of the wedding."
"I know," she says, chewing a fingernail. "I'll arrange something."
Her obvious reticence upsets him. It feels like she's still keeping him separate from her real life, even now.
"Are you ashamed of me?" he asks finally.
"You like it when I'm ashamed of you." She's busy on her laptop.
"Not if you're too ashamed to let me meet your family. What do you think I'm going to do? Flash my pee-pee at them?"
"It's not that." She finally looks up from her work at him. "It's just complicated. I haven't had a serious relationship since their father. I haven't introduced them to any of my boyfriends, now I'm getting married to someone who they remember as a kid. It's just… weird."
This mollifies Roman somewhat. "I get it. But it's only going to get weirder if I don't meet them soon."
Gerri eventually arranges for the girls to come over for dinner. It's very informal, Roman even has the meal pre-prepared rather than hiring a chef for the night. Gerri relaxes in the run-up to the meeting, while Roman gets increasingly anxious. It's an unfamiliar feeling and he realises with a shock that he actually cares what someone else thinks of him. Jesus, this must be how Kendall feels all the time.
"It'll be fine," says Gerri, straightening his tie as they wait for the girls to come up to the apartment. "Just don't be yourself, okay?"
"Thanks, honey." He lets her peck him on the lips before she goes to let her daughters in.
Petunia and Catherine's faces are almost identical, although Catherine's jaw is slightly more pronounced. Her hair is straightened and dyed brown, while Peti has her mother's blonde curls.
After the awkward re-introductions, they all settle down for dinner. Roman is formal to the point of standoffishness, letting Gerri lead the polite conversation.
After half an hour of small talk, Peti turns to Roman and says, "So, what are your intentions towards our mother?"
Roman is thrown off guard, tempted to make a stupid joke but he restrains himself. "Uh… to marry her, I guess." He taps his foot nervously.
"We took the liberty of having someone look into you." Catherine pulls out a collection of papers stapled together. "I have some bullet points here to discuss."
Roman gapes at her. They're acting like Roys already. He shouldn't be surprised that Catherine is her mother's daughter. He looks at Gerri, who shrugs apologetically.
"Item one," Catherine reads off, Peti nodding along as she looks over her sister's shoulder. "Did you tear up a million dollars after promising it to a kid if he hit a home run at baseball?"
"Uh… not that I can recall." Roman is still hoping that Gerri will save him from this interrogation, but she just sighs and puts her head in her hands.
"Item two: did you pay a homeless man to have your initials tattooed on his face?"
"Uh, nope." Roman jumps at the chance to answer honestly. "That was Kendall, my brother, it was his initials."
"Item three: alleged sexual relationship with personal trainer—"
"Can I stop you there?" Roman interrupts. "I'm not saying I haven't made any mistakes. But I would never do anything to hurt Gerri." He reaches for Gerri's hand.
"That brings us to item four: repeated sending of unsolicited images—"
"I know all this, girls," Gerri interjects wearily. "There's nothing you can tell me about Roman that would shock me."
"We just want to be sure that you're doing the right thing, Mom," says Peti, in a softer tone than Catherine's.
"I know what I'm doing. I appreciate your concern, but I can make my own decisions. Put the file away."
Catherine reluctantly puts the file of Roman's misdeeds back into her bag.
"Do you promise to take care of her?" Peti asks Roman. "To treat her as well as our father did?"
Roman looks at Gerri and squeezes her hand. "I do."
"Then, welcome to the family." Peti smiles at him while Catherine purses her lips.
The rest of the dinner goes smoothly, and they see the girls out of the apartment together. "Bye, Mom. Love you." Peti hugs Gerri, then Roman, who awkwardly kisses her on the cheek.
"I'll let you know about bridesmaid dresses," says Gerri, hugging Catherine, who follows Peti outside the door, then turns back to look at Roman.
"Did you bite me once?" she asks.
"Well, this was lovely. Bye." Roman hurriedly closes the door.
"Fuck," he says, turning to Gerri. "That was brutal."
"You did good," she assures him, pulling him in for a hug.
"Uh huh. I'm just glad that's over."
"And since you were so well-behaved, you can have a reward."
"I can?" He perks up at that.
"Yes. We can…" She whispers in his ear, although there's no one else around to hear.
"Gerri, such filth. What would your daughters say?"
"Oh, shut up." She drags him towards the bedroom.