My head was buzzing, like it wanted to fall apart. I convulsed, and the amount of pain increased with each seizure, stretching seconds into minutes and minutes into hours. That's what it felt like.

Over and over again, the waves of endorphins rushing to my brain created an invisible sense of trying to calm me down. Being in such a miserable state, I can feel my heart pounding to the rhythm of the shittiest rave parties, hinting that it won't last long.

I want to scream at my own helplessness, but my mouth has already started to fill with saliva and foam, and my lips are getting lazier and lazier, leaving me no chance for a death rattle. И...

I woke up. The thought flashed through my mind that everything before was just a dream, an incredibly realistic nightmare that had simply ended. But I quickly realized that it wasn't, as I realized that I was in an absolute void. As soon as I saw my hand, which had no shadow on it, and that painfully unnatural palm, it literally opened my eyes to what was happening.

"I'm dead." - flashed through my head, causing me to bend over in a fit of hysterical laughter. Dead as a mutt like me should be.

The hysteria grew, and soon I had no energy for anything but whimpering instead of laughing. The place was painfully empty, and it was insanely huge because I couldn't hear the echo.

I closed my eyes, knowing full well that I wouldn't be able to sleep. How pathetic I must look right now. I've looked like this all my life, though. I'm not used to it.

I tried to get to my feet, and then I started walking forward at a steady pace, hoping that if I walked in one direction for long enough, I might find something or someone. I didn't have a plan or a goal, I was just moving forward, hoping I didn't know what to do.

As soon as I took a few steps, everything around me exploded with color. For a few seconds, it was as if I could see the entire history of mankind. I was surrounded by buildings I'd never seen before in my life: An incredible orchard of gold-colored fruits, in which it was impossible to identify a single fruit familiar to me, except for a single, beautiful pomegranate that hung on a tree next to a snake, the mere sight of which made me salivate and want to eat it; magnificent, snow-white temples, reminiscent of Roman or Greek culture, next to which stood Asian temples and palaces with thousands of sculptures of people unknown to me. Churches, houses, lighthouses...

I felt sick to my stomach at such an abrupt change in the mood of this space. All these places... Why are they here? It's all... unbelievable and simply unreal.

Some force pulled me upward, causing me to step onto a staircase that was previously invisible. With my first step on it, a golden wave traveled the entire length of it, giving me a glimpse of the scale of this structure. Apparently there are no elevators here.

I always thought that if there was some man in heaven who had arranged a paradise life for all the righteous, he would think of a more curious way to get to Eden itself. And what kind of a righteous man am I? With my lifestyle, I should be in a spa resort in the fourth circle of hell by now, not lounging between islands of happiness levitating here and there.

It was very easy to climb, as if my body had lost at least half of its weight. Each new step did not add to my trouble as it had done before. But as I lifted my head up, there was a persistent feeling of lack of progression.

To my delight, however, this proved to be only an illusion, and a couple of minutes later I was standing in front of a gate, beyond which was emptiness. The ironic thing was that the gate itself was like a typical cemetery, except that it was new instead of rusted and old.

The gate opened surprisingly easily, not even a creak. The emptiness began to change, to form something like a park, except that the park itself seemed somehow... ancient? The thought crossed my mind that maybe all the buildings, gardens, and the like that I'd seen here were ones that no longer existed in the world of the living.

While brooding, I didn't notice that two people were sitting on a bench not far from the entrance to this... something. It was only after a couple dozen seconds that I turned my attention to them and stunned.

My mom was sitting there. As I remembered her from the time when my father had not left us and she was not drinking alcohol, and next to her sat a man whose face I couldn't quite make out. All I could see were some vague facial features that were hard to recognize.

They stared back at me, and then got up from the bench and came toward me. They didn't dare to get too close, keeping their distance. Something clicked in my head. If this is my mother, then next to her... my father?

- You...

- Son..." my mother whispered the word softly, trying to touch my cheek, but I took a step back. - Yes... I understand.

The woman took a deep breath. With sadness in her eyes, almost crying, she fell to her knees, leaning towards me apologizing.

- Forgive me! I am so guilty before you! If I'd been stronger, if I hadn't taken up the bottle, - my mother was almost shouting through her tears.

- I don't give a shit about your apology! I'm already dead, finita la comedy! If you want to earn yourself a few good points, don't come to me! I will never forgive you! I'll never forgive you!

- I'm understan...

- You know what I mean? What about you, huh? I can't even see you when I die, ironic, isn't it? Neither in life or in death will I see the face of a coward who abandoned his wife for himself.

- I have no excuses," the man-I couldn't call him my father-said calmly, but with a certain amount of sadness. - I'm not asking you to forgive me or anything like that. I have no right to ask that. I was too shortsighted and stupid and naive. I decided to do what was best for everyone, but I ended up hurting the people closest to me...

- Stop talking like a goddamn martyr and just tell me why! - I was about to yell at my father.

I heard a deep breath. Mom got up from her knees and put her hand on his shoulder for support. Ha, they made up after he died.

- I died three days after I "dumped" you. As far as I know, I've remained missing...

- Karma must have caught up with you after all.

The man laughed, but there was no mirth in his voice. It sounded bitter and tortured. I'm starting to get annoyed with all this understatement.

- It caught up with me early, son... The reason I left was because of early dementia. When I was diagnosed, I was so scared... I didn't know what to do at all, but I chose not to tell you because I knew how much it would hurt you. You know, looking at everything that happened, I realize I shouldn't have kept it from you. You would have lived your pain and moved on, but I couldn't. I'm a pathetic coward who chose to die healthy rather than someone who doesn't even remember who he is.

I thought, though no, honestly, I didn't know what to think. When I analyzed everything from the beginning, it turned out that the history of our family is only the wrong and badly timed decisions, if you think about it in this way, then no one is a hundred percent to blame.

- That's the reason why you?

- Yeah, and I'm not apologizing. I can't even hope that what I say will make a difference. I'm so sorry to you, ten lifetimes won't be enough to make it up to you. I don't need to hear you say you've forgiven me or anything like that. I know you won't. Words alone won't be enough, because-

She and my mother looked at each other and then looked at me.

- We decided to correct our mistakes not with words," my mother took the initiative from my father. - Go ahead, there you will come across a beautiful woman in a white robe. She will tell you everything.

- Good... Goodbye then.

I took the opportunity to leave, after which I walked straight ahead as they said. As I walked, the terrain changed a bit: I saw more and more golden leaves on the trees, the paths from gray and stone became completely black and smooth, so much so that I almost fell a few times, slipping. There were fewer and fewer benches, and fewer lamps, so that the farther I walked, the darker it got, with only the golden trees providing any light. The strangest thing about it all was that I couldn't see the change from afar. Turning back around, all I see is the same dark park I'm in now, not the bright green one.

I was beginning to think this place was endless, as I finally saw the very girl in white. She was sitting drinking tea at an ornate table. It was like she was glowing, and there were golden lights flying around her, which made it even brighter. After the dark park, my eyes hurt from the harsh light, but I went over to the girl anyway.

- Sit down, have some tea," she waved her hand and invited me to sit on the chair across from her. She had a very beautiful voice that soothed me, enveloping me like silk.

I sat down on the chair across from her and was finally able to see the face of the lady. She was incredibly beautiful, her appearance was my own ideal. This...

- Not a coincidence. To each person, I look like the ideal of their tastes. It's much easier that way," she spoke to me again.

- Can you read minds? - I asked her.

- That's right. Sometimes, though, it just gets in the way. But that's not the point, it's not that important," she continued to say, keeping absolutely calm. - Why do you think you're here?

I thought about it, but nothing came to my mind.

- Why am I here? I was simply sent here by my parents.

- Honest answer," she gave me a... complimentary look? - Okay... I'll ask you straight up. Do you want another chance?

- Another chance?

- Yeah, do you want to live a new life? - she asked me.

- I... want... Yes, I think I do, but..." I hesitated, "what would I have to give up for it?

- My existence.

- What does that mean?

- That you'd just disappear," she said so calmly, it was starting to scare me.

- What's the point of me being reborn then? - I asked her.

- There's no point. But don't worry, I was kidding," her tone didn't change at all. - It's already been arranged for you.

- So?

- Yes," she nodded, "you can be reborn.

- Did my parents do that? - I asked.

- That was quick," the girl's expression changed for the first time. - Apparently, they feel a terrible sense of guilt for what they did to your life. Though it was mostly your own fault that your life was so disgusting.

The girl finished her tea, and then my mind went blank. Everything went blurry and started to slowly darken before my eyes.

- Not that you had a choice in the first place..." The girl's voice sounded playful, clearly enjoying herself. - It was decided when they said they were ready to do it. I was just being a little polite.

With every word she said, my consciousness drifted further away from me until I couldn't hear her anymore.