Six Months Later:
The passage of time had always haunted Constance, even more so over the last few months as she found herself desperate to know the daughter she had missed out on. To her own heartache, she was now traipsing up towards Amelia's office on the evening before the last day of term. Mildred would be graduating tomorrow having passed her Witches Higher Certificate and gaining her place at Wierdsister college with flying colours. Constance ought to feel proud, and of course she did, but she also felt heartbroken at the thought of Mildred leaving her behind. Things had felt a little distant between them recently as she entered the office, sadness etched all over her face.
Miss Cackle's office was bathed in the warm glow of the setting sun, casting long shadows across the cluttered desk and the stacks of parchment that threatened to topple over, always the case at the end of the school year. Constance Hardbroom moved over to the window, her stern face softened slightly by the golden light as she watched some of the younger girls playing witchball in the nearby field. She turned as Amelia Cackle entered the room, closing the door behind her with a soft click.
"Constance," Amelia began, her voice uncharacteristically soft, "thank you for coming. How are you?"
Constance nodded curtly, her dark eyes fixed on Amelia with a mixture of curiosity and concern. "I'm fine. You mentioned it was urgent, Amelia. What is the matter?"
Amelia sighed, her shoulders sagging as if a great weight had been lifted from them. She moved to her desk, leaning against it for support. "I've made a decision, Constance. One that hasn't come easily. After everything I overlooked earlier this year, I have decided to take early retirement. I'm resigning as headmistress of Cackle's Academy."
Constance's eyes widened in shock, and she took a step forward. "Resigning? Amelia, why? The school needs you—"
"What this school needs is someone younger, someone more in touch with the issues young people face, and someone who is a strong leader," Amelia interrupted gently, her eyes meeting Constance's with a steady resolve. "But that leadership can no longer come from me. I've been at Cackle's for many years, and it's time for a change. For both the school and for myself. Although our relationship is on the mend, I cannot trust myself after all the failures I have made this year, and for the greater good of the academy, I believe that the age of sixty five is enough for me."
Constance was silent for a moment, her mind racing with the implications of Amelia's words. She had always known Amelia to be the heart and soul of Cackle's, the glue that held everything together. The thought of the school without her was almost unbearable. She had grown to rely on her for support and lot, almost seeing her as a replacement mother, and it hurt her heart to see that position given to a complete stranger who would never understand her unique personality.
"But who will take your place?" Constance asked, her voice betraying a hint of uncertainty. "Amelia, I dont think I could continue at this school under someone else. I already feel vulnerable enough with Mildred leaving me here. Who can possibly—"
Amelia's lips curved into a small, knowing smile. "You. I want you to take over, Constance."
Constance froze, the words hanging in the air like an enchantment. "Me?" she whispered, disbelief evident in her tone. "Amelia, I... I don't know what to say. I'm not a Cackle?"
"You don't have to say anything right now," Amelia said, stepping closer and placing a reassuring hand on Constance's arm. "But you must know that there's no one more capable, more dedicated to the welfare of this school than you. You've been my right hand for years, Constance. The girls respect you, the staff respect you. You're a natural leader. Although I did not have any children of my own, you are as a good as. You are brave, caring and passionate - the new, younger, understanding face that these girls need. I promise."
Constance's stern facade began to crack, and she turned back to the window, looking out at the school grounds. Memories flooded her mind—years of teaching, guiding, disciplining, and nurturing the students. She had always been the firm hand, the one who kept order, but taking on the role of headmistress was something she had never truly considered. She was not kind enough, or patient enough to do that?
"If you do not believe you are capable, just look at your daughter. Look at that young girl you have created, that you have shaped into someone kind, brave, strong headed and intelligent. She is a complete success Constance, the best witch that has ever entered this school, and she is yours. You did that, you made her. You can do this." Amelia finished passionately as she watched Constance bite her trembling bottom lip.
"Amelia, I'm honored," she finally said, her voice trembling slightly. "But are you sure this is what you want?"
Amelia nodded, her eyes shining with conviction. "I'm sure, Constance. It's time for me to step down and let fresh leadership take the reins. And I can think of no one better to guide Cackle's into the future than you. It's always been you."
Constance turned to face Amelia fully, her eyes now filled with determination. "If you believe in me, Amelia, then I will do it. I will take on this responsibility and do my utmost to honor your legacy. Although it will always be Cackle's Academy. Tradition and all that."
A wave of relief washed over Amelia as she chuckled and she embraced Constance, who stiffened momentarily before melting into the hug, a common occurrence over the last six months. "Thank you, Constance. I know the school will be in the best possible hands. I will always be on standby if you need me."
As they pulled apart, Constance straightened her robes, her expression slightly anxious. "When will you make the announcement?"
"In the morning," Amelia replied. "We'll address the staff and the students together."
Constance nodded. "Very well. I will be ready."
"Go on then! You can leave, I can see you practically dying to tell Mildred" Amelia beamed, before Constance turned away from her, rolling her eyes as she tried to hide the wave of sadness that was still washing over her.
As Amelia watched Constance leave the office, she felt a profound sense of peace. The school she loved so dearly would be in good hands. Constance Hardbroom was stern, yes, but she was also deeply committed to the students and the values of Cackle's Academy. With her at the helm, Amelia knew the school would not only endure but thrive. The younger witch had grown, flourished so beautifully in the last couple of years, and she could not have been more proud of her.
Meanwhile, Constance's heart felt heavy as she made her way up to her bedroom. The corridors of Cackle's Academy were unusually quiet as the faint glow of the moon filtered through the tall windows, casting elongated shadows on the stone walls. She moved silently, her steps almost soundless on the polished floors. The night before graduation always held a unique kind of stillness, an anticipatory hush of nostalgia that hung in the air.
Reaching the room, Constance paused, her hand hovering over the door handle. She took a deep breath, steeling herself before gently pushing the door open. The room was dimly lit by the soft glow of a bedside lamp, casting a warm, comforting light over the small, neatly kept space. However, she need not have been so anxious, for Mildred lay asleep on her bed, her dark hair fanned out across the pillow, her features relaxed and peaceful. Constance had found her in the library earlier, worried about the pressure she was putting on herself for the Head Girl speech, so she had sent her to her quarters and offered to prep her hair for tomorrow to take her mind off things. The girl was clearly exhausted though, as she was flat out by 9pm.
Constance stepped inside quietly, closing the door behind her with a soft click. She approached the bed and stood there for a moment, simply watching Mildred sleep. Her heart ached as she took in the sight. Mildred looked so serene, so innocent, yet Constance knew the struggles and triumphs that lay beneath that calm exterior which she had battled through to get to this point. She felt a swell of pride mixed with a pang of sadness.
Gently, she reached out and brushed a strand of hair away from Mildred's face. The girl stirred slightly but did not wake. Constance's touch was feather-light, filled with a tenderness she rarely showed. As she gazed down at Mildred, memories flooded her mind – memories of laughter and tears, of challenges met and obstacles overcome. God's, she loved her so much. Discovering that they were indeed, parent and child, had been the best day of Constance's life. They had been inseparable ever since, unable to believe their luck. Mother and daughter. Daughter and mother. Two sides of the same coin. Two halves of the same soul which had finally been put together again.
After the revelation in the office, Amelia had left them to their own devices, and all she recalled was sobbing for about three hours until Mildred had shyly asked her for a cuddle until they both fell asleep on the couch. Constance's dreams were haunted that night though, as she reflected on them at current:
Mildred was running across a field decorated with hundreds and thousands of daisies, but she was much younger. Perhaps no more than four or five as Constance gently tackled her to the ground, tickling her arms which elicited the sweetest of giggles. She recalled braiding freshly picked daisies into a french plait that wrapped all around Mildred's hair, long as ever even for a young child. For once, Constance wasn't even dressed in black. She hadn't met Mistress Broomhead in this reality as her a Mildred both wore matching checkered Easter dresses, Constance's yellow and Mildred's a light pink.
Another dream surfaced in Constance's mind as she stared at a sixteen year old Mildred, still sleeping soundly.
She was carrying Mildred on her shoulders, again as a child, probably around age six or seven. The young girl was pulling gently on her long hair which she kept down, again without her usual stern demeanour, another sign that she had never been under Hecketty's instruction.
"Look mummy! Momma, look at the fireworks! Look at the pink one, it's my favourite. So beautiful, it makes me think of you!"
She closed her eyes tightly shut in the present, unable to stop the whirlwind of dreams and imagined memories in her head.
This time, Mildred was crying on her, perhaps aged nine or ten as she rocked her gently back and forth.
"The other girls at school are awful to me, mum. They say awful things, and I pretend it doesn't bother me, but it does. One of the girls even said she'd kill herself if she was a freak like me! I don't understand...why does everyone treat me differently...I didn't mean to make that book fly...it just thought about it and it happened. What's wrong with me!"
Another spark of anger flashed in the present as Constance thought about all those times where Mildred must have needed her to feel normal when growing up. Life could have been so much easier for her girl.
But you're here now, Constance her brain reassured her, as memories from her times of knowing Mildred set in.
The first time she crash landed into the school bins. The day she got that damned tabby cat. The smile on her face. The pride when she saved that wizard for being a frog. Their conversation in the dungeon. When she saved her on that boat. Everything over the last two years. A girl so brave but so lost trying to navigate a whole new world without any proper guidance.
Despite Constance's reminiscing, she could no longer deny that Mildred's features hadn't matured. Despite this, there was still a trace of the mischievous, spirited girl Constance had first met. Her face had a certain softness to it now, a quiet strength that spoke of resilience and determination. Constance's eyes traced the curve of her cheek, the set line of her jaw, and the gentle rise and fall of her chest as she slept. She reminded her so much of herself.
The realization of how much Mildred's departure would hurt struck Constance like a physical blow. She had grown to care for this girl more than she had ever thought possible. Mildred had found a way into her heart, and the thought of seeing her leave was almost unbearable. Constance had always prided herself on her stoicism, her ability to remain detached and composed. But Mildred had changed that. Realising that a devastating lie had been told for almost seventeen years had changed that. She had shown Constance the power of love and connection, and now, standing here, Constance felt the weight of that love pressing down on her.
With a sigh, Constance sat down on the edge of the bed, careful not to disturb Mildred. She took the girl's hand in her own, feeling the warmth of her skin. "Mildred," she whispered, her voice barely audible, "you've grown into an incredible young woman. I am so proud to call you my daughter, no matter how much I missed out on."
Mildred stirred again, her brow furrowing slightly as if she could hear Constance's words in her sleep. Constance squeezed her hand gently, a small, sad smile playing on her lips. "You've been a constant source of frustration and joy," she continued softly. "And despite my broken heart, you've found a way to reach me. I love you so much."
She sat there for a long time, simply holding Mildred's hand and watching her sleep as tears streamed down her face, her heart aching at all she had missed out on. The moonlight shifted, casting new shadows and highlights on Mildred's face, emphasizing her delicate features.
Eventually, she leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to Mildred's forehead, unable to bear the distance any longer as she changed into her satin pyjamas and climbed into bed next to her, drawing her closer. "Sleep well, Mildred," she whispered. "Tomorrow is a big day. I am not sure who it is bigger for."
-x-
Morning quickly came around as the early light filtered through the curtains of Mildred's room, casting a gentle glow on her peaceful face until Constance shook her awake.
"Mildred! Time to wake up, Mildred," Constance said urgently, gently shaking her shoulder. "For goodness sake girl, you're going to be late!"
Mildred stirred, blinking up at Constance with bleary eyes. She stretched and yawned, a sleepy smile spreading across her face. "Hi."
"Hi indeed! Mildred, up, now! It's your big day," Constance replied, her voice warm. "Come, let's get you ready. Honestly, you've overslept by an hour!"
Mildred sat up laughing at Constance's stressed demeanour, the excitement of graduation starting to replace her sleepiness. She had anticipated this day with a mix of joy and sadness. Leaving Cackle's Academy meant stepping into a new world of possibilities, but it also meant saying goodbye to the place that had become her home.
Constance led Mildred to a chair and began to work on her hair, her fingers deftly weaving and plaiting the dark strands. As she worked, Mildred felt a deep sense of comfort at the affection.
"I want you to look your best today," Constance said, her focus on the intricate bun she was creating. "You've earned this."
When Constance finished, Mildred looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was plaited into a beautiful, elegant bun, a style befitting the Head Girl of Cackle's Academy. She smiled, feeling both nervous and excited for the day ahead.
"I look like you" she smiled softly, meeting Constance's eyes in the mirror.
"Like mother like daughter" Constance beamed, before bossing Mildred about for another ten minutes, finally leaving her daughter to get ready.
After getting dressed in her graduation robes, Mildred left her room and headed to the great hall, where her friends were already waiting. The hall was buzzing with excitement, the air thick with the mingling emotions of students about to graduate as parents, teachers and younger students all filtered in.
"Mildred!" Maud called out, waving her over. "You look amazing! Look at your hair!"
"Thanks, Maud. So do you!" Mildred replied, joining her friends at the table.
Enid grinned at her mischievously. "Are you ready for your speech, Head Girl?"
"I think so," Mildred said, trying to sound confident despite feeling slightly nauseous. "It's just… it feels so surreal, you know?"
"If anyone can give an inspiring speech, it's you Hubble Bubble" Ethel laughed, sneaking up on Mildred from behind before placing her hands on her waist and offering a gentle kiss to her temple. "You'll do a beautiful job, besides, I proof read it!"
Mildred flushed slightly, wrapping Ethel into a proper hug. Six months had passed since they admitted their feelings to each other, and their relationship had blossomed into something beautiful. Despite the endless teasing from Constance, and the bickering between Ethel and Drusilla as well as Mildred's gang, all the girls secretly adored the pairing.
Maud nodded, smiling at Ethel. "I can't believe it's our last day here. I'm going to miss this place."
"Me too," Enid agreed. "But we have so much to look forward to. Jadu's off to Oxford University to study English and Journalism, Ruby's already secured her auditions for the theatre company, Drusilla's going travelling around America and I'm off to study the art of getting drunk at Primrose Hill College!"
Maud slapped Enid on the arm in disapproval at her joke. Maud was also going to the same college, and refused to have another repeat of last years party. "Well unlike Enid, you, Mildred bloody genius big brained Hubble, got all A*s in your WHCs and are off to study healing...bloody magical healing at Weirdsister College!"
"With me, of course!" Ethel interjected smugly. The statement had complete truth however, and Constance didn't know if Mildred going to college with Ethel washed all her worries away, or sent her into cardiac arrest.
The conversation flowed, filled with laughter and memories. They talked about their favorite moments at Cackle's, the teachers they admired, and the pranks they had pulled. There was an air of nostalgia, but also a sense of anticipation for the future.
As the time for the graduation ceremony approached, the students made their way to their seats. The room was beautifully decorated, with banners and flowers adorning the walls.
When the ceremony began, Miss Cackle stepped up to the podium, her face beaming with pride. She gave a heartfelt speech, acknowledging the achievements of the graduating class and the hard work of the teachers before announcing her resignation, much to Mildred's shock as Constance realised in all the reminiscing of last night, she had forgotten to tell Mildred! There was no time for shock though, as Amelia quickly announced it was time for the Head Girl's speech.
Mildred took a deep breath and walked up to the podium. She looked out at the sea of familiar faces, her heart pounding in her chest. She spotted Constance in the front row, her stern expression softened with a hint of pride.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, Teachers, Parents, Fellow Students, and Friends. Everyone who has shaped me into the person I am today, I now speak to you.
I stand before you today with a heart full of pride and a mind overflowing with memories. It is both an honour and a privilege to speak to you as Head Girl on this occasion, our graduation day. As I reflect on my journey at Cackle's Academy, I feel overwhelmed by the growth, challenges, and triumphs that I have met.
When I first arrived at Cackle's, I was a wide-eyed girl with a head full of dreams and a broomstick that I could barely control, as we all saw when I crashed into the broom shed on my first day here. The corridors of this castle seemed endless, the teachers imposing, and the spells and potions daunting. I remember feeling out of place, uncertain if I would ever fit in or measure up to the expectations that surrounded me, the only clumsy girl who happened to come from a non-magical background. Mildred swallowed tears for a second as she thought about Constance. Yet, here we are today, standing on the brink of a new chapter, having navigated through the ups and downs of our magical education.
To our teachers, I owe an immense debt of gratitude. Miss Cackle, you have been the rock of our school, despite what some may have thought upon giving me a place here! Miss Hardbroom, your unwavering support and belief in each of us have been the guiding light during our darkest times, despite many rolling their eyes at the millions of lines you've had them write and the permanent dent in their hands from doing so! The hall burst into laughter at this as Constance glared jokingly at Mildred. Miss Drill, you have always showed us a softer side, probably to balance out the effects of Miss Hardbroom, and Miss Bat, you have taught us the importance of individuality and embracing our true selves. Your kindness and understanding are the true marks of a great leaders, and for that, I thank you all.
I cannot help but think of the friendships we have forged either. My friends, you have been my rock, my confidantes, and my partners in crime. We have laughed together, cried together, grown together and blown up the potions lab, the great hall, the spells classroom and the courtyard together. The bonds we have formed will last a lifetime, and I am grateful for each and every one of you. To Maud, Enid, Ruby, Jadu, Ethel, Drusilla and all my fellow students, thank you for your unwavering support and for being my family away from home.
Reflecting on my own journey, I recall the times when I felt like giving up, when the weight of expectations and the fear of failure seemed too much to bear, especially during the last two years. But it was in those moments that I discovered the true meaning of perseverance...or as Miss Cackle would call it, saving the school at the most convenient of times to avoid expulsion! Another roar of laughter. In this, I learned that it is not the absence of fear, but the courage to face it head-on, that defines our character. Each setback was a lesson, each failure an opportunity to grow, and each success a second, third, or maybe fiftieth chance for me!
Despite this, I learned the importance of love, trust and faith with a little help from a very special woman and my friends, so today, I am proud to say that graduation marks the end of one chapter and the beginning of another. As we step out into the world, we carry with us the lessons, memories, and experiences that have shaped us at Cackle's. We are not the same wide-eyed children who first walked through these doors; we are confident, capable, and ready to face whatever challenges lie ahead, and although change may be hard, I can finally say I am ready to face it.
So, to my fellow graduates, I urge you to embrace the future with open hearts and minds. The world beyond Cackle's is vast and filled with endless possibilities. As witches, we have the power to make a difference, to use our magic for good, and to leave a positive mark on the world. Remember the values we have learned here: kindness, integrity, resilience, and the importance of community. Let these guide you as you navigate the waters of the future, and your own talent will do the rest. As we go our separate ways, let us not forget the place that brought us together. Cackle's Academy will always be a part of us, a cherished memory that we carry in our hearts. The friendships we have formed, the lessons we have learned, and the challenges we have overcome will always be a part of our story, for we were girls together.
In closing, I want to thank each and every one of you for being a part of this incredible journey. To our teachers, thank you for your guidance, patience, and wisdom. To our families, thank you for your unwavering support and love, to my fellow graduates, thank you for the memories, the laughter, and the support, and finally, to Constance Hardbroom, thank you for seeing me for who I am, and for being you. Cackle's will truly flourish underneath your care. Constance visibly wiped her eyes at this, much to Clarice and Sybil's shock as they observed her from behind. Together, we have created a tapestry of experiences that will forever be woven into the fabric of our lives.
As we stand on the threshold of a new beginning, let us embrace the future with hope, courage, and a sense of adventure. The world is waiting for us, and I have no doubt that we will make it a brighter, more magical place. I am so proud of every single one of you, and please know that you are never alone in what you go through. The world will keep turning, and eventually you will learn to live with it, no matter how long that takes. You will always have a home back here at Miss Cackle's Academy for Witches.
Thank you, good luck and congratulations to the Class of 2003"
Mildred stepped down from the podium, her heart pounding with a mix of pride and nostalgia. The applause that followed was deafening as Miss Cackle began to hand out the certifications.
A few hours later, as the graduation ceremony came to a close, the courtyard of Cackle's Academy buzzed with excitement and heartfelt farewells. The sun cast a warm, golden light over the gathering, creating an idyllic setting for such a significant moment. Mildred, still riding the emotional high of her Head Girl speech, navigated through the crowd of students and parents, searching for a familiar figure.
She finally spotted Constance standing near a cluster of oak trees. She had been silently watching Mildred say a teary goodbye to Maud and Enid, the last of the girls to leave the academy behind. She saw her daughter approaching, tears streaming down her face from joy and sadness.
"Come here, you" Constance whispered, before scooping Mildred into a tight hug. "You'll see them again. You can invite them around whenever over summer."
"Thank you" Mildred smiled, pulling away slowly from Constance. She was grateful she would be living with her for the foreseeable future, for she believed she would be a crumbling wreck right now otherwise.
"I liked what you said about me in your speech though, Mildred. Intimidating, bossy, stern...all very fitting. I'm very proud of you."
"Con," Mildred said, her voice catching slightly, suddenly serious despite the humour in Constance's tone. "I wrote something else for you...that was just for the public eye. This is for you." Mildred smiled shyly as she thrust a sealed enevelope into Constance's hands. "I know I've been a little distant and stressed recently...and I know you're probably feeling a bit down too with me leaving and everything...so...so I decided to write you something instead of using my words."
Constance raised an eyebrow, her curiosity piqued. She took the envelope from Mildred's hand, her fingers brushing lightly against the younger girl's. The touch was brief, but it conveyed an unspoken bond that had developed between them over the years.
"Thank you, sweetheart," Constance said, her voice gentle. "Shall I read it now?"
Mildred shook her head, her eyes filled with a mixture of nervousness and affection. "Read it when we're home...I can't have you weeping in the courtyard now can I!"
Constance laughed at the time as Mildred skipped away from her to gather the last of her belongings, but now as she carefully opened the envelope and unfolded the letter sat in Cornwall while Mildred was asleep, she was entirely grateful that she had waited until now. She began to read, her eyes scanning the familiar, slightly messy handwriting of her daughter as tears streamed down her cheeks, unable to believe how she had ever got this lucky.
-x-
Dearest Constance,
I am writing this letter for you in June, reflecting on my time last year where I lay in bed, wondering 'will it ever get better?' I was fifteen, hopeless and afraid.
Then suddenly, I also remembered this time last year when you gave me a letter which changed my entire life. I can't even explain the impact it had on me, I just felt so lucky to have such a strong, compassionate woman by my side. You had seen me when no one else had, loved me when no one else did, and saved me when no one else could.
So, somewhere in all the depression, the endless tears, the inability to get out of bed. The loss of love, trust, and friends I once held dear - you really came into my life after giving me that letter. You took me in as your own, and slowly, I started to find myself again, wrapped in your arms late at night, tucked up in a blanket in front of your fireplace, lying in a different bedroom, getting better sleep as the nightmares finally came to an end.
Now, a whole year has passed me by and it's June again. I'm sixteen, about to graduate, and I wish I could hold the old me, take her by the hand and tell her that it does get better - it most definitely does, because despite the darkness, there will always be light, for as long as Constance exists, the sun will rise again. I guess that's why I wanted to write this, to show you how much you mean to me - how you saved me.
No words are big enough to describe it though. I guess that's the thing about love. It has filled my body until you are in everything I do.
But I'll try.
As I sit here on the night before my graduation, I find myself reflecting on the difficult journey I've been through since the first day I came crashing down into the courtyard of Cackle's Academy, almost five years ago. It's hard to believe how much has changed since then, how much I've grown, and how much I've learned. But when everything seems different, like time is slipping away from me, there is one thing that stands out more than anything else, and that is you.
When I first arrived at Cackle's, I was just an awkward, clumsy girl who didn't seem to fit in anywhere, whereas you were everything I wasn't. Everything I hoped to be. I was wide eyed and full of dreams, able to see the world in a sort of colour that no one else could, but something, or rather someone, was always missing. In the course of my life, I have been through many things, some good, some bad, but throughout all of them, I often felt out of place, and it is only in recent months, where I finally realised why. As an adopted girl, I have spent my whole life trying to find my way home, to find out who I am, who I really belong to, until one day, I did. Then that feeling finally went away and it was the best day of my life.
In all honesty, now I've found my way home to you, I like to think that my childhood no longer plays a role in who I am today. I keep convincing myself that the versions of me when I was four, nine, twelve or fifteen no longer exist. Until a voice is raised slightly at me, and suddenly I am fifteen again, holding back tears because Ezra yelled at me. Or when someone is distant, I'm twelve, wondering why my mother never understood me. In some moments, I'm nine again, discovering I was different, that I could do things no one else could, but I never knew why. Perhaps sometimes I'm even four, knowing that something was missing from my life, but too young to ever understand what that something was.
I guess you could say I keep pushing my younger self away - I tell her to leave me alone, that I don't think she belongs here with me anymore. But she does belong, and I don't think she will ever truly leave. I'm not a whole person and I don't think I ever will be. Parts of me died in the house I grew up in and I visit them in my dreams, but they're still there, always within me. I'm not sure if I should hate her for that, because it's painful, but then I realised something. I realised that as long as I live, the younger version of myself shall always live within me, which is a blessing in disguise, Constance. Despite all the years you missed out on at hands of someone awful, my inner child still resides in me, and you will still see her every day, which I am glad of. You can look after her now. She still needs it. She is yours and only you can heal her.
Aside from that, I want to give back to you now, Constance, to make up for all those years you missed. I want you to see beyond that formidable exterior just as I have, when I began to see the caring, compassionate woman who has become my mentor, my guide, and most importantly, my true mother. I want you to know how much I appreciate you for looking after me over these past few years - it has meant the world to me. I don't know who sent you or how we ended up here, but you came back into my life at a time where I really needed it, and I am forever grateful that we found each other again, after being apart for so long.
So, thank you for believing in me on all the occasions where I failed to believe in myself. It has motivated me to try my hardest in everything I do. You've always pushed me to keep going and it has got me to where I am today. You have so much to give me, despite everything you have been through, which I admire so much. School has not been easy, but you have always made me feel safe. You are lovely, Constance. You are kind and patient with me, and I am so lucky to have such a brilliant person to look after me - never let anyone tell you different.
In fact, I remember the first time I realised just how much you cared for me. It was during that dreadful incident with the Halloween mishap in my first year. I was terrified, thinking I had ruined everything and that you would never forgive me, but instead of the harsh reprimand I expected, you showed me concern in the end. You taught me that making mistakes is a part of learning, and that real growth comes from picking yourself up and trying again, rather than running away from your problems. That lesson has stayed with me, and it's something I'll carry with me for the rest of my life. You have always pushed me to be the best version of myself, even when I doubted my own abilities. There were times when I felt like giving up, times when the challenges seemed unbearable, but you saved me and kept me going. You saw potential in me when I couldn't see it in myself, and for that, I am eternally grateful. You have been my rock, my anchor in a world that often felt uncertain and overwhelming. As I prepare to leave Cackle's and step into the next chapter of my life, I find myself feeling a mixture of excitement and apprehension. But I know that wherever I go, I carry with me the lessons you've taught me and the love you've given me. Your influence will always be a part of who I am, and I will strive to make you proud in everything I do.
As you can tell, I could write about you forever, but despite all these promises, as I sit here, watching the last rays of the sun disappear below the horizon, I am filled with a deep sense of pain as I reflect on my own growth.
If you were to ask me a few years ago what my biggest insecurity was, I would look you in the eyes and say 'my soft heart, my ability to feel.' I didn't want to be so sensitive anymore. I didn't want to cry so much, to feel so heavily after all that I had been through. But tonight, I don't believe that anymore, because my ability to experience feelings again, gave me you.
Feelings. Jesus.
The truth is, for so long, I had forgotten what those even were. I'd been stuck, you might say, broken at the hands of someone else, until suddenly, you came along. An intimidating, dark cladded figure who put the weight of the world on my shoulders but had these deep, pained eyes and a shattered heart. She came into my life, and for the first time in a long time, I started to feel things again. I started to feel loved.
But lately, I guess I've been feeling the heartache of change falling upon me all over again. I miss blowing up a cauldron or two before those eyes, where you tried to hide the ghost of a smile threatening to spill out. I miss curling up next to you on your couch, talking about growing up or making triple loaded hot chocolates at sunset, but I also know I'm getting older, and although it's hurting me, it's hurting you too, because of how much you missed out on.
And I guess, if I'm being really honest, growing and changing, that's what scares me. I've only just found you again, and I don't want things to change either, so I think that's why I'm writing this, to try and stop that change. To turn back the clock. To make things go back to how they were by saying these words over and over. But I know that's naive - that's not how life works. It's moving, always moving whether you like it or not. And yes, sometimes it's painful, sometimes it's sad, but sometimes, it's surprising, almost happy.
So you know what, we need to keep on changing, keep on growing, Constance. Make mistakes, learn from them, be brave, and when life hurts you, because it will, remember the hurt. The hurt is good, it means you're out of those hands that broke you, because you are feeling again. You are becoming a whole person once more, which is too beautiful to give up on.
I've learnt you can easily return to your past, but no one is there anymore, Con. What you went through will never go away completely, but I promise, what's coming is better than what is gone. Although time has been lost, that clock will keep moving forward, and I will be here with you through it all, because I love you, Constance Hardbroom, and I am my mother's daughter.
Always. I promise.
Mildred Hardbroom.
A/N - only the epilogue left to go.. :(((