Jasper smiles as he walks into the man cave bathroom, running his fingers over the gray and blue tiles on the wall, eyes following the red trim into the showers.
This was one of his favorite places in the man cave. Growing up, his access to something as simple as plumbing was limited. So now he's always grateful to have it.
He tries to make it here as often as possible. Excuses such as spilling soup down his sweatshirt or tripping into a mud puddle on his way to work land him here at least twice a week.
Jasper's shower at home is ice cold. Their water heater broke months ago, and his good-for-nothing landlord has refused to do any maintenance.
Stupid Steve.
Another thing he loves about the man cave is its neat instant washing machine that will clean and dry any soiled clothes within minutes, which has been an absolute lifesaver.
However, the coolest thing in this room is the supersonic surround sound speakers built into the showers that automatically sync to his phone when he pulls it out.
Naturally, he plays his Celine Dion playlist, "~ ~ I wanna be the face you see when you close your eyes, I wanna be the touch you need every single night. ~ ~" The audio begins instantaneously, making Jasper beam as he recognizes the song and mouths along, "~ ~ I wanna be your fantasy, and be your reality, and everything in-between.~ ~"
Jasper boogies his body along to the music. He twirls around, drops his phone onto a nearby bench, then spins again, plucking a towel off a shelf before continuing his shoulder-shimmying, moonwalking stride to the showers.
Jasper reaches past the curtain, turning the knob all the way to the left for full pressure. He throws his towel to the hook and peels off his pajamas, wincing as the fabric passes over his sore skin.
Once stripped, he slips his arm back into the shower, ensuring the temperature is comfortable before fully stepping inside. Jasper relaxes as the hot water envelops his fresh bruise.
It's a tolerable pain. It's not like it was anything new; the constant repetition of abuse practically makes him numb to this feeling.
Though it's been a while since she got a good hit in, and he's been shoved more times than he can count recently. Plus, that fall to the floor temporarily ignited the nearly forgotten burn.
Jasper pauses, shampoo bottle in hand, furrowing his brow deep in thought. Before Ray shoved him to the floor, he had kinda hugged him, right?
He ponders for a minute and decides that he's just gonna count it as one, taking what he can get since none of his biological parental figures have ever hugged him.
Speaking of Ray, the narcist recently installed mirrors in the back of every shower stall. He claimed it was easier to clean his backside if he could see it, but they all know it's because he likes to spend his showers staring at his 'glorious glutes.'
This, unfortunately, means anyone else who uses the showers also gets to see themselves, allowing Jasper to look at the full extent of the damage done to his body every time.
He wonders how Henry deals with his injuries from hero work. Does he look at his bruises with pride, or does he feel the same shame as Jasper?
Jasper hesitates before he gazes past his wet, drooping bangs and glances over his shoulder.
He frowns when he notices how the bruise has spread and darkened since last night, making his skin look patchy and purple.
The sight makes him sigh, and he pries his eyes away, willing the water to wash it away.
He turns back to the mirror and faces the wall as he unclasps the lid of the bottle of shampoo. Immediately, he recognizes it as Henry's; the second, the scent floods his nostrils with its sweet fragrance of honey.
The simple reminder of his best friend brings a smile back to Jasper's lips as he pours a generous amount over his head before tossing the bottle back to the side shelf, one hand never leaving his hair as he lathers the soap through it.
Jasper brings his other hand back up, noticing how much kinder this already feels compared to the dish soap Henry insisted on using last night.
However, nothing in the world could beat the feeling of Henry's dull nails scraping over his scalp or his fingers raking through every lock and loose strand of hair.
He lets his eyes fall shut as he tilts his jaw up, sticking his face back under the water, completely resonating with the music playing in the background, " ~ I want you to need me like the air you breathe, I want you to feel me in everything. I want you to see me in your every dream ~ ~" he hums along, letting the lyrics and liquid flow over him. " ~ The way that I taste you, feel you, breathe you, need you. I want you to need me like I need you. ~ ~"
The sensation of the pelting water pressure almost feels like being in the rain again, only lonelier. It's hollow without Henry's presence, and Jasper feels compelled to mimic it by bringing one of his hands down, palm cupping his cheek like Henry did yesterday, the pad of his thumb carding over his bottom lip- their faces were so close and then….
Nothing.
Jasper dips his head back down, letting his wet hair fall back over his face as a trail of unwanted tears rolls past his eyelashes. He leans into his touch, wishing it wasn't his own.
Last night, for just a moment, he genuinely believed Henry would kiss him, but he was wrong… he's always wrong. There is no way Henry would ever actually look at him that way.
"~ ~ I wanna be the eyes that look deep into your soul, I wanna be the world to you." The song sings, matching the way his heart bleeds, "I just want it all. I wanna be your deepest kiss, the answer to your every wish... ~ ~".
Jasper intertwines his free hand over the one already on his cheek and adjusts it ever so slightly, placing a few feather-like kisses over his wrist. Mimicking what he would do if it were attached to Henry instead. His voice cracking as he softly sings, "I'm all you ever need…."
Schwoz and Charlotte got to work quickly- roasting Henry's ass. The little traders shifted from them all playfully teasing Jasper to singularly mocking him instead.
They downright verbally assaulted him for wearing this ridiculous fuzzy onesie. They compared it to a bunny, The Toddler, and a radioactive rat, all within the same thirty-second span of time.
"Hardy, har, har." Henry sarcastically laughs, lip curling up, "Obviously, I'm gonna have to change in order for you geniuses to actually be productive."
"Awe," Schwoz coos, pinching Henry's cheek, "Is baby boy upset?"
"Dude," Henry sneers, smacking away his hand, "Call me that again, and I'll rip your tongue out." he warns, rubbing his face, forcing a pleasant smile, "M'kay?"
"Jeez," Schwoz reels back, glancing to Charlotte, "Vhat's his problem, Baby Gerl?"
"Yeah, no." She shakes her head, shutting him down, "Don't call me that either."
Schwoz frowns, "I guess there's no love for Big Papa."
"Gross, dude." Henry shakes his head, walking backward as he starts snickering under his breath, "If anything, you'd be lil papa."
"I am not that little." Schwoz argues weakly, "I have big heart."
Henry slips past the back panel and into the hall, laughing as Charlotte starts teasing Schwoz, "And a big forehead and a big ego," she lists, the volume of her insults fading as he gets farther away, "and a…"
And a… What? Henry wonders, giggling to himself as he raises his hand to the wall, fingers tracing the groves of the brick as he follows the sound of muffled music into the bathroom.
An affectionate smile rises on his lips, making him roll his eyes at the sound of Jasper's Celine Dion playlist as it grows louder.
"~ ~ I want you to need me like the air you breathe. I want you to feel me in everything. I want you to see me in your every dream ~ ~" The speaker's blast, unsurprisingly, yet surprisingly, Jasper hasn't started butchering the lyrics yet by attempting to sing along.
When Henry walks by the showers, his eyes unwillingly settle over the only stall in use, haunted by the knowledge that past that thin blue curtain is a very- very wet and naked Jasper, even more so than he was the night before.
"Oh my god," He splutters, breath heavy as he suddenly becomes hyper-aware of his rapidly rising body heat, making his face flush, and he grows overwhelmingly sweaty in this stupid oven-like onesie, "Stop."
Henry thumps his head as if he could force it out the memory. He's gonna lose it if the air keeps getting hotter, making him less and less calmer.
He reaches up, his hands shaking as he desperately claws at his collar, speeding towards his man-locker across from the showers. It's too hot. He needs to get these clothes off now.
Jasper must be showering with nearly boiling water or something. All this fucking steam makes him feel like he's gonna pass out.
He manages to rip the string of buttons that run down his chest apart in one fell swoop, sighing in relief as the fabric pulls apart and rolls down his shoulders.
He pants as he pushes the pajamas past his waist and down his legs, leaving him in nothing but boxers and socks as he kicks off his shoes and the onesie to the side.
Henry just needs to get dressed and get out of here as soon as possible. He throws open the door to the man-locker in front of him and rustles around inside until he finds a flannel, a white t-shirt, and a pair of jeans and mentally curses at the thought of putting more layers on his body.
Reluctantly, he redresses and then starts to leave.
His eyes are drawn to the vague silhouette behind the closed curtain again. His heart pounding the second he hears Jasper shuffling around inside, making Henry's gaze shift to the side as if he'd been caught doing something bad.
Henry shakes his head, nearly tripping as he passes by. He shifts forward slightly as his foot gets caught in Jasper's discarded clothes.
Henry lets out an irritated sigh as he tries to shake the pajamas off but only entangles them more around his ankle.
Henry gives up and kneels down to better free himself. Only after he pries the garment off and glances up does he realize how close he is to Jasper's shower.
He's directly in front of the stall, his face closer to the gap of space between the curtain and the wall.
He really doesn't mean to look; his gaze naturally catches on the slightest movement, and his mouth instantly goes dry.
Henry's skin shivers at the steam that clouds around him, making his cheeks flush and his eyesight foggy- but he can still see everything past the haze.
Jasper had lifted his jaw to tilt his head back under the shower jets. His hands groom through his slicked locks of hair, wringing out the shampoo suds.
It's somewhat mesmerizing watching the way the soapy water blankets over his body, flowing past his neck and washing over broad shoulders before some of it gets lost, pooling in the indentations of his collarbones.
It almost resembles a waterfall meant for Henry to admire when the bits of collected water finally spill out over his chest, spreading into the faint lines of his abs.
Then, the flow breaks away like a drifting stream, the water droplets racing across his abdomen and through trails of fine hairs at his navel before trickling lower into his pelvis and delicately dripping down his– dick.
Yup.
That's- that's a penis, alright. Henry already knew Jasper had one. What he doesn't know is why he's staring at it.
Henry looks longer than he'll ever admit before snapping his eyes shut, but the image is already burned in the back of his mind.
Ugh, this is fucked. What the hell is he doing?
This is an extreme invasion of privacy. It's not fair to do this to a friend. Henry knows he can be a terrible person sometimes, but he's not this terrible of a person- is he?
Henry starts to pull away when Jasper moves again, making his body freeze and his eyes fly open. He barely takes a breath, and his stomach tightens in fear as he glances back up in anticipation of seeing if he is caught.
His gaze follows the movements of Jasper's bicep as he slides a hand down to his cheek, still seemingly unaware of Henry's presence.
Jasper tilts his head back down, wet bangs curtaining over his face as he wears this expression that Henry's never seen on him before, looking almost broken as he leans into the pressure of his palm.
Jasper then lets his free hand fall over the one already on his face, intertwining his own fingers as he shifts his palm ever so slightly to bring his wrist over his lips and murmurs something too quiet for Henry to understand.
What he said doesn't matter because the faint sound of Jasper's voice is simply enough to make Henry's pulse stutter in a panic. He instantly slides his body to the side, back spinning into the wall beside the shower.
Mother fuck-
His head slams back into the hook where Jasper's towel resides. Henry instinctively clasps his hands over his mouth, wincing as he muffles his scream.
"I want you to need me like the air you breathe, I want you to feel me in everything, I want you to see me in your every dream," Jasper's voice shoots through his ears again, more powerful this time, "The way that I taste you, feel you, breathe you, need you!"
It takes Henry a few panicked breaths to realize that Jasper had spontaneously started singing along to the background music he had tuned out in instead of spotting him.
He sighs in relief, pulling out his phone to record instinctively like he does every other time he's heard Jasper sing.
Usually, it's a performance filled with obnoxious cracked voices and out-of-tune belting that leaves the rest of them cackling. It's perfect comedy material. It's just one of their many bits.
The only time Henry has heard Jasper actually make an effort is during his yodeling karaoke competitions, and even then, there is just something so inherently funny about yodeling that it's hard for anyone to take it seriously.
What the fuck is he doing? Creating video proof of the crime of privacy he's committing is probably a terrible idea.
It's like all his brain cells are broken or something. Fuck, why can't he think?
He slides his thumb over his phone screen, attempting to end the recording when his brain stops working, fried by the sound entering his ears.
"I want you to need me…." The way Jasper sings is completely different from the way the song is intended. Instead, his voice is raspier, deeper, hotter- it makes Henry feel things- unidentifiable things that he'll ultimately choose to ignore- but things nonetheless.
"I want to be the face you see when you close your eyes, I want to be the touch you need every single night, I want to be your fantasy and be your reality and everything between."
It wasn't just the way he sang but the sexual meaning of the words themselves that made Henry dizzy upon hearing them. The need in Jasper's voice makes vivid images and whorish thoughts flash through Henry's mind.
"I want you to need me like the air you breathe, I want you to feel me in everything. I want you to see me in your every dream. 'Cause baby, I taste you, feel you, breathe you, need you."
The shame sinking in Henry's stomach isn't enough to settle the arousal bubbling in his blood, trying to fight the sudden tightening of his pants.
Henry's ace only gets hotter, his heartbeat louder, his dick harder. His gaze drops, sick with himself at the sight of an unwelcome erection.
Damn it, this can't be happening. He's not- he can't be feeling this for Jasper.
Henry just needs to be euthanized or touch grass or something. This is ridiculous. If he can make it go away, he can pretend it never happened.
Henry takes a deep inhale and squeezes his eyes shut, exhaling as he tries to focus on tuning out Jasper's singing.
He won't get the absolute silence he needs, but the sound of his own muffled breath and drumming heart is loud enough for him to fixate on instead.
Finally, he's able to picture disgusting things like- his uncle hair-neck, or um, Schwoz's sister, Ms. Shapen's rusty foot nail and- and the time he found a stray toenail clipping in his food from the close nacho ball.
His face screws up, and he starts to feel nauseated, which means it's working. Um, think, grosser things, like, uh- that sewer lady giving birth, Piper's cooking, pimple-popping videos, Dan Schieder-
Mission accomplished.
Henry sighs in relief, regardless of his disgust. He has never been more excited to be less excited in his entire life. That toe-sucking nightmare demon was just what he needed to completely shrivel up in seconds.
He unwillingly lets out a shaky, relieved laugh, utterly unaware of his surroundings, too busy riding the high of his success to recognize the squeaking sound of the faucet or notice the abrupt stop of flowing water.
It's not until a hand comes into view, reaching for the towel, that Henry realizes Jasper's done with his shower.
"I want you to need me like I need y-Ahh!" Jasper sings, turning into a shriek; his body recoils at the feeling of hair on his fingertips instead of the soft cotton he was expecting, "What the-!"
Jasper instinctively grasps Henry and the curtain for stability as he feels himself lose his footing, causing Henry to let out a panicked yelp as his phone flies out of his hands.
He impulsively shoves against the curtain, making Jasper fall back into the shower as he struggles to stay upright.
Henry's eyes widen when he hears Jasper's bare skin collide with the shower floor, making a sickeningly loud slap against the wet tile.
Jasper rarely cusses, but he suddenly lets out the longest string of profanity Henry's ever heard leave his mouth.
Jasper takes a shuttered breath, teeth clenching as he tries to figure out how he managed to get shoved again while in the fucking shower.
He rolls over onto his stomach, swears still spouting from his lips as he starts pushing himself up off the ground, freezing when he spots… a phone?
He tilts his head up, squinting down at his own reflection in the screen below him as a red recording light flashes over the front camera. The phone has a red case, and the only person here with a red case is, "Henry?"
"….no?" Henry's voice response from outside his shower, tone pinching as he makes an unimpressive impression, "It's me, Schwoz… from vork?"
Jasper rolls his eyes and crawls forward just enough to stick his head out from the bottom of the curtain, smirking the second he looks up to meet Henry's guilty gaze.
"Wow, Schwoz," He chides sarcastically, "When did you get so tall and blonde?"
Henry winces, sucking his bottom lip in between his teeth, head sinking into his shoulders, undoubtedly trying to make up some ridiculous excuse or default lie.
However, instead of speaking, he impulsively rips the nearby towel off its hook and throws it over Jasper's head.
Jasper squeaks at the sudden assault, his vision going dark before he yanks the fabric off his face, only to see Henry's blurred backside as he books it out of the bathroom.
"Wait!" Jasper calls out, picking up the phone, "You forgot your-"He tries but cuts himself off with a wave of dismissal, "Oh, forget it, he's gone."
Jasper simply collects himself off the floor, half-heartedly drying himself off with the towel before wrapping it around his waist as he rises to his feet.
He glances at Henry's phone and wipes it off on his cotton-covered thigh, drying off the tiny bits of water residue from his shower as he walks toward the manlocker.
He rolls his eyes as he types in Henry's super secure passcode of 1234, making the generic lock screen fade away, and pulls at the handle on his locker. He sighs again when his face is reflected inside, realizing the camera is still recording.
He presses the stop button, then the play button. This makes the video replay some footage of the foggy bathroom ceiling with only the slightest sight of the top of Henry's blonde hair in view.
The only noises he hears are the running water from his shower before the sound of his voice overtakes the phone speaker.
Jasper off-handedly listens to it as he reaches into the top shelf of his locker, grasping the half-empty tube of bruise be-gone cream Schwoz created to heal any of Henry's visible bruises in the event he gets hit in the face or something as Kid Danger- which is always, so Schwoz makes it in bulk and no one ever notices when Jasper takes a few bottles.
He flops down onto a nearby bench, dropping the phone to the side as he unscrews the tube, squeezes a generous amount into his palms, and rubs them together.
His gaze still points towards the screen as he rubs the cream over his shoulders, frowning as he realizes Henry was standing outside his shower the whole time he was singing.
It's not unusual for Henry to record him singing as a joke; they all started doing it after the cup song incident. So usually, Jasper just plays into it, thankful for the attention, knowing that if he were just silly enough, it would be something they could all laugh at together- but this wasn't that.
Jasper rips his gaze away as he rises from the bench, putting the cream back and pulling out his clothes and a couple of ace bandages before dropping back down.
He ignores his unsettling sting at the thought of someone prying into something as personal as his Celine Dion shower time.
Jasper rolls the bandages over that spot on his back and around his chest, frown deepening when he hears the soft sounds of what he assumes is Henry trying not to laugh in the background. He shakes his head numbly because he knows everyone will make fun of him.
Jasper's just about had enough when, by the time he's finished wrapping up his bruises, he grabs the phone to shut it off when- woah, something way more private crosses the screen after the camera flies out of Henry's hands and under the curtain.
His eyes widened, and he let out a frustrated laugh as the video showed a direct snake's eye view of Jasper's- well, his everything.
It's not the most flattering angle, but in a way, there's something humorous about how his thing dangles there.
How funny would it have been if Henry had tried to use this video to mock him, only to have that look of horror when he realized he accidentally got his nudes?
Jasper freezes, mouth spreads wide into a menacing smirk as he starts to giggle, a plan forming in his brain. He would never let Henry actually see that video and deletes it the instant his birthday suit shined across the screen, knowing that the last thing Henry would want to see is him naked… but, but… this did inspire Jasper with the perfect idea to prank him back.
This makes him quicken his pace as he finishes up. He opts out of drying himself off entirely and just hastily throws on his clothes while still damp, making his jeans cling to his skin and the water still dripping from his hair, seeping into the fabric of his thin striped t-shirt below.
He shakes his head, trying to fling away the remaining water before slipping on his pink tie-dye sweatshirt, pulling on yellow duck socks, and shoving his feet into his purple converse shoes.
Once he's completely dressed, he grabs a fresh towel to drape over his head before grabbing their phones off the bench and shoving them into his hoodie pocket.
Then, dashing out of the bathroom and doing the breakfast club slide down the hall.
Henry is gonna get it.
Henry speeds out of the bathroom and down the hall, adrenaline burning in his blood as his feet move him faster than he's ever run before.
He burst through the panel and into the leading man cave area. His heart is still racing, face still flushing, and mouth widening with every drawing pant as he falls back against the door, slamming it shut with his body weight.
"Henry," Charlotte's voice calls, "Are you okay?"
Fuck, no.
"YeAh-"He croaks, running a hand through his sweat-soaked hair as he clears his throat, "Yeah, yup. I'm peachy and perfect."
"Are you sure?" Schwoz adds, gesturing up, "Your vace is all red."
"That- that's because Jasper- uh is really hot-"He splutters, eyes widening, "No, that's not what I meant. I mean, h-him showering is really hot! Gah, no." He curses, thumping his head, "Jasper covered in water, hot? Wait- what?" Henry croaks out before taking a breath and finally saying, "Jasper showers in really hot water. It makes the bathroom all steamy, and it's really hard to think."
This gains a bewildered look of amusement and concern from Charlotte and Schwoz, who both take their attention off the table full of the sciencey stuff they were working on to laugh at his vocal slips. Which, frankly, Henry is too jittery to be annoyed by.
Like, what the hell even was that?
He's not into Jasper, is he? Henry's into girls, like super, really into girls… but dudes? Being into guys just doesn't sound right. It feels wrong.
He can't be into Jasper if he's not into guys. Right? Yeah. That makes sense…
"Hey, vall your ups," Schwoz calls, gesturing vaguely. "Grab that thingy."
"Hmm?" Henry swallows, breaking his stupor, "Whatcha need, big dawg?"
"That thingy," Schwoz repeats, "Over there."
"S-sure." Henry's voice cracks as he peels himself away from the wall, "Sure thing," He repeats, clearing his throat as he walks to the red toolbox, eyes scanning the top, "Dude, there's like a million 'thingy's.'"
"He wants the pliers. It's the pointy ones with a gray handle," Charlotte translates, eyes narrowing as she studies his expression. "Are you sure you're good?"
"Yeah," Henry responds weakly, plucking it up, "I- I uh, I'm just worried about… Ray. Will this help speed things up?"
"Uh." Schwoz starts, reaching out for the tool, "Mavbe?"
"Nice," Henry forces himself to say, slapping the tool down in Schwoz's palm, "How much longer do you think it'll be?"
"Just hold your horses pants," Schwoz chides, returning his gaze down, "It vill get done vhen it's done."
"Right, right, yeah, that makes sense." Henry mutters, rubbing the back of his neck, "I just… I want this to end."
Schwoz twirls the pliers between his fingers, "You could do something to distract yourself."
"Sure," Henry shrugs, tugging uncomfortably at the collar of his shirt, "any suggestions?"
"You vould share a story?" Schwoz answers, a menacing smirk rising on his lips as he looks back up to Henry, "Mavbe, I dunno, a story of a secret in an elevotor-"
Charlotte glances over from the wire she's fidgeting with and shoots a warning glare, "Schwoz."
Henry's cheeks burn, his expression a mix of embarrassment and irritation, "I know what you're doing. I promised not to tell," He huffs; the last thing he wants to do right now is talk about Jasper or "his secret."
Schwoz whines, "Vhat? Vhy not!"
"Because," Charlotte cuts in, voice strained in irritation, "It's not his secret to share."
"It not like you don't also vant to know!" Schwoz yells, crossing his arms, "He vas willing to die to keep it most be juicy."
"I couldn't care less." Charlotte states, "If Jasper wanted us to know, he'd tell us himself."
"Fine, be fun-less," Schwoz mutters, smile dropping, "but vhen I'm just gonna guess."
"Schwoz," Henry argues, fear in his voice, "He's gonna come out of the shower any minute. I don't want him coming out here an hearing this-"
"Is he the playground pooper?" Schwoz cuts him off.
"What? No, well…" Henry starts to deny before he pauses, head tilting, pondering, "Actually…"
Charlotte interjects firmly, "He's not."
"Okey," Schwoz notes, pinching two wires together with the pliers, "Is he secretly a mole rat?"
Henry cocks his head even more this time as if that was a reasonable guess, eyes squinting, "Again, maybe?"
"No." Charlotte rolls her eyes, rubbing her forehead, "These are all terrible guesses."
"Alvight!" Schwoz grunts, throwing his hands up in the air, "Then, you guess."
"I have my suspicions," She states, her tone bitting with disbelief, "But, I'm not gonna guess, this whole conversation is so not okay."
Schwoz shakes his head, tongue clicking in disappointment, "If vou don't have any good guesses, just say so."
"Maybe we just stop?" Henry suggests, nervously fidgeting with his watch. "Trust me, neither of you could guess it anyway."
"Ha-" Schwoz laughs, sticking his tongue out at Charlotte, "Henry thinks vou aren't your noot smart enough to figure it out."
Henry's jaw bobs up and down, "That's not at all what I said."
"Schwoz, you're being ridiculous." Charlotte says, crossing her arms, "We should just drop it and leave it alone before Jasper gets out here."
"Okey, vhatever," Schwoz scowls, slamming his hands on the table, "I vill drop it if you admit vou don't knows!"
"Yeah, 'vhatever' Schwoz," Charlotte mocks, eye twitching, "I don't care if you attack my intelligence. I'm not dumb enough to let you bait me into-"
"Vhat intelligence?" Schwoz challenges, jumping to his feet, standing over her from the booth seats, "A real genios vould be ables to figure it out!"
"Dude, don't," Henry warns, knowing Charlotte always gets violent whenever someone insults her brain, "Maybe we should calm down-"
"Never tell a woman to calm down!" Charlotte immediately snaps, making Henry move back and raise his hands in surrender, "I'm smarter than everyone in this room. Don't play with me, boys."
"Okey, smarty pants," Schwoz laughs, jumping on the cushions, cackling over her, "Ve don't believe vou can guess!"
Charlotte lets her glare slide from Schwoz to Henry, gauging his reaction- and by the look on Henry's face, it looks like Schwoz is right.
"Sorry," Henry says genuinely, dropping his arms, "But there's no way you could figure it out. Dude, I've been his best friend since we were five, and if I didn't know it, you definitely-"
"He's into guys," Charlotte says matter-of-factly, with complete confidence in her voice, "specifically you."
Henry can feel something inside him start to crack after being confronted because this is bullshit.
Charlotte knew.
She had known this the whole time and hadn't told him.
Henry's expression drops as a hollow, chilled spike shoots through his spine, "Hmm…?"
"Oh," Schwoz mutters, falling back in his seat, "But that's not a secret."
Schwoz knew too! What the actual fuck is going on? Did everyone but him know?
Henry's gaze snaps back to Schwoz, eye twitching, "Let me repeat myself," He clears his throat, his hands grasping in the air, "HMMMMMM!?"
"A secret is something we don't know." Schwoz explains unnecessarily, "Everyone knows that Yasper's just a big bucket of fruity loops."
"No, Schwoz," Henry splutters, pinching his fingers together, "Not everyone knows that?!"
"I'm right, aren't I?" Charlotte exhales disappointedly, "That he has a crush on you."
"Nope." Henry scowls, running his tongue over the inside of his cheek, "You think you're so smart, Charlotte?" He scoffs, pressing a hand to his chest in disbelief, "But you couldn't be more off cuz Jasper does not have a crush on me; h-he just so happens to uh…" He stammers, snapping his fingers as he scrambles to think of literally anything to say and blurts out, "Have a crush on- on you."
"Voah," Schwoz squeals, face beaming, "I vas not expecting that."
Charlotte crosses her arms, irritation in her eyes, "I don't believe you."
"Were you in that elevator?" Henry asks, not allowing her to answer, "Uh, no, I don't think so. The only person who heard Jasper's secret is me, which is why I have this information that you have no way of possibly proving wrong." He nods triumphantly, "Soo, there. Charlotte."
"That doesn't make any sense," Charlotte insists, knowing she is right, "There's no way that Jasper-"
"No way that I what?" A voice from behind Henry cuts her off.
Henry jumps back, letting out a loud, startled shriek, "Oh my god!"
He glances back, stomach sinking, as he spots Jasper standing there wearing a towel half draped over his head and under his hand as he ruffles it over his hair.
Jasper must have just entered from the back panel, a smirk raising over his lips the second he catches Henry's gaze.
"Hiya," He greets, dropping the towel so it lands around his neck, "Are you guys talking about me?"
"Well…" Henry hesitates, snapping his fingers in the air, "Charlotte here said that um… what was it you said again, Char?"
"I said that…" She interjects, waving her hand, "Pineapples are the best pizza topping."
"Yes!" Henry points to Charlotte as he moves back toward Jasper, "That's totally what she said, dude. Which is totally wrong because everyone knows the best topping is totally 'roni, as in pepper."
"Totally." Charlotte says dryly before forcing a smile as she looks up at Jasper, "We were wondering if you'd be our tiebreaker here."
"Uh, sure…" Jasper agrees, glancing between them, "But, why not use Schwoz?"
"Because," Charlotte sighs, nose scrunching, "Schwoz thinks the best pizza topping is worms."
"Vhatt?" Schwoz calls out, "No, I don't… okeyy, yah I do."
"Well, on my pizza," Jasper states, "I really like sausages."
Schwoz smirks sinisterly, "I'm sure vou do."
Jasper glances at Schwoz, eyebrows knitting in confusion, "What's that supposed to mean?"
Charlotte grasps their short coworker's shoulder with a tight warning grip, "Yeah, Schwoz? What is that supposed to mean?"
Schwoz winces in fear, squeaking, "Yasper just looks like a meat eater."
"And- and there's something wrong with that," Henry blurts out, throwing his arm over Jasper's neck, "Meat eaters are awesome, despite what those judgmental vegans say." He insists, jaw clenching as he pats his best friend's chest, "So, you just stay you, dude."
"Yeah, okay," Jasper nods skeptically, patting Henry back. "You too?"
"Mhn, me?" Henry scoffs, retracting his arm, "I'm- well, I'm no sausage lover."
"Yes, you are." Jasper argues, gesturing out, "I always have to make sure the auto-snacker is stocked with sausages for you. You eat them like every morning."
Is he fucking with him? Henry can't tell. Yet, he can't deny it on the likely chance Jasper is still talking about food.
He lets out an exasperated sigh and rubs his forehead, reluctantly admitting, "Yup. I'm always gobbling up all that uh… meat."
Jasper looks at him with a face of confusion, his features only growing more confused when Schwoz and Charlotte burst out laughing.
They start smacking each other's arms as their eyes begin to water, and they share some knowing look that makes Jasper feel left out.
"Am I missing something?" He frowns, glancing between them, "Are you guys making fun of me?"
"No," Henry assures softly, "They're making fun of us, and we meat lovers don't have to take this mockery." He declares, voice raising an octave as he grasps Jasper's wrist, "We're going upstairs."
"Awe, "Jasper whines as Henry drags him towards the elevator, "I wanted to get something out of the auto-snacker-"
"Did you hear that?" Henry calls out Charlotte and Schwoz, who are too busy snorting and sobbing to acknowledge him. Similar to the way he's ignoring Jasper's protest and frantically slams the elevator button, "I have to go help him with the store."
Jasper gapes his mouth in disbelief as Henry pulls him inside, "The store doesn't even open for another twenty minutes?!"
"Yup, we're like super busy." Henry contradicts, waving as the doors close, "Byeeeee!"
He needed to get Jasper away from them. How can those geniuses be stupid? Schwoz especially almost exposed everything with his poor punch line.
Luckily, Jasper's usually too much of an airhead to understand innuendos, but Henry couldn't take that chance.
At least they're alone now.
Henry freezes before slowly glancing over, dropping Jasper's wrist, realizing….
They
Are.
Alone.
Now.
Fuckkkk.