Now it always seemed such a waste
She always had a pretty face
I wondered why she hung around this place
The last of summer's glow has long departed, and that frosty bite makes its rounds in the wind. Still, Anna pauses her raking and wipes the perspiration from her forehead. Her efforts are rewarded by a small pile of leaves, crushed beneath her boots. But there're still huge swathes of gold waiting for her aching arms. Belle's appearance doesn't help. Resting her chin on a rake and mouthing inaudible words over the music.
Anna plucks the Wallflowers song from her ears, "What?"
"I said I'm tired," Belle whines, pouting at Anna.
"And we're both broke as fuck, so - suck it up? I guess-"
For once, Belle gets off her ass and helps Anna bag a pile of leaves. Merely one of a dozen more waiting. The walk back to the field and its endless raking is fraught with silence.
"You've been, I-don't-know, different lately," Belle chimes.
Despite all the bantering and insults Belle has thrown her way over the years, this one catches Anna off guard.
"Different?" Anna mumbles, "How?"
"You're quieter than usual," Belle observes, raking up another pile, "I've gotten used to you never shutting up, so this is something totally new-"
Anna hits her playfully over the head with her rake.
"And it's obviously nothing wrong, because you're grinning to yourself like a friggin' idiot half the time."
Anna stops her raking and stares at the leaves. A warmth spreads across her chest when she considers the cause. Crystal blue eyes that light up her world. That prim, slender figure and stammery voice and perfect braided-blonde hair which might as well be a galaxy away. Yet seeking out a broke-ass bitch like herself. Wanting her. As much as Anna tries, there's no stopping the grin that cuts through her freckles.
"Really?"
"Yea, like - now. See?" Belle pinches her cheeks, "turning red and all-"
"Stop it!"
"It's that blonde chick at the party isn't it?"
Her hands freeze on the rake. Long enough for Belle to notice.
"Which one?" Anna feigns indifference, "I talked to like, half a dozen blondes that night. You know how Eugene is."
"Elsa."
That name. Anna stops raking entirely. Staring at the knee-deep pile of crunchy leaves. She swallows hard, but it only deepens the blush on her face.
"I don't know any Elsa-"
"Oh come on!" Belle's shriek echoes around the field, before she steps right up to Anna, "In the kitchen? You were this close to her? Almost freaking kissing?"
"You saw?"
"Of course we all fucking saw, c'mon!"
Isn't it weird how the rest of the world fades into a blur every time you're with her?
Ryder's voice booms across the field, "Oh my god stop making out and keep raking, you two-"
"It's nothing," Anna mumbles, turning away and working at the leaves.
"Well, I'm glad you think it's nothing. Because she asked about you."
Anna whirls around. Nearly tripping over boots. Her jaw hangs open so wide that a leaf could blow in any moment.
"What?" Anna half-squeals, "She asked? What? Why? Who?"
Belle sniggers, "Oh snap, you're a freaking open book. I didn't think it was that easy to get a rise out of-"
"Where'd you hear this from?" Anna shrieks, physically shaking an answer out of her friend.
"Rapunzel asked Eugene to ask me, and I obliged him with a few details about your life," Belle takes a bow, "So if you get laid or something, you're going to owe me big time."
"What! What on earth did you tell him? I didn't even know you were on speaking terms with him-"
"Nothing! Just that we're in senior year with a few classes together. You're totally cool and we've been hanging out for ages. Most importantly, that you're single and ready to mingle," Belle sings out the last phrase into the rake like a microphone, "I didn't give your bank account details sheesh-"
A hundred thoughts whistle through Anna's brain. She struggles to comprehend the implications, before another question flies from her lips.
"Did you, um," Anna contemplates, "Did you tell him I liked girls?"
Belle's eyes shoot wide open, "Oh shit! I didn't! I mean, you're not out and all - and I respect that."
Anna looks away with pursed lips. It doesn't even matter that they're nearly done with the leaves. Instead of the aching in her arms, she feels something else burning.
An idea in her mind.
Maybe you should have.
"Listen, you got this in the bag," Coach Maui walks Elsa to the starting line.
"Do I?"
"Not if you ran like the semis," Maui scowls, "Button the hell up - your scholarship's going to be decided in the next 15 minutes."
"If only things were that easy," Elsa shoots back.
Twice the number of spectators cheer from the stands at the state finals. Huge stadium. A massive Titantron screen displays their every move. Despite this and Maui's constant threats, Elsa still allows her brain to loosen itself from the tension plaguing her over the week. It doesn't help that her parents are back from work trips and naggier than ever.
And Anna. How hard can things be when you wake up at 3 A.M. every night, haunted by that sweet, gentle voice singing in your dreams?
She senses the entire row of girls' eyes locked on her before the start. At the gunshot's crack, all her hang-ups explode from her brain in a frenzied scramble for position on the track. Lead pack. The pace grinds harder than usual. Some of the other schools' coaches probably told them specifically to run her down. She resists their attacks with every drop of blood in her legs. Every atom of air in her lungs.
It's not enough. It's never enough.
Elsa clenches her jaw as acid burns through her legs. Quick glances at the scoreboard show splits she'd never run in training. A taller girl passes her at 3200m. And again at 4200m. Try as she might, the gap only grows wider. Even with the air blasting through her lungs and blood pounding in her chest. She hears another girl running her down from behind. The thought of losing out puts a blistering pain between her ears.
And then she sees Anna.
Hopping frantically in the stands. Red hair flutters as she screams. Words drowned by the spectators' cheers. That gorgeous, perfect smile.
The sight gives Elsa the almightiest kick she's ever given in her entire track career. But it's still not enough. And she sails in behind two absolutely wrecked girls slumped on the ground and heaving. The faintness from sprinting this hard sends Elsa tipping forward. She continues jogging. Ignoring the whiteness spreading across her vision. Maui yelling, "What the fuck happened?" The deafening, overenthusiastic announcer proclaiming a new State record. Elsa gives a cursory fist bump to the winners, and heads straight to Anna's figure almost leaping over the stands in excitement. When she sees those freckled cheeks and plaited pigtails, the joy within Elsa's chest nearly bursts out in dance of sated longing.
The girl pipes down as Elsa approaches.
"You came," Elsa heaves, hands on her hips, "how did you-"
"Clemson High made the finals as well," Anna replies, pointing at the scoreboard, "I'm here to cheer them on."
Elsa's eyes falter. She staggers backwards.
"Really?"
Anna smirks at her, "Yea I'm super like, into running and shit. It's a really, um, exciting sport!"
A silent moment passes between them as Anna holds her smirk. Once again, the stadium, the cheering, the people around them. It all fades into a thumping silence.
"Really?" Elsa repeats. She tiptoes and glances over the girl's shoulder. Nobody's with her.
"Yes, really," Anna smiles, "take that any which way you want."
She never imagined her pounding heart could endure any more emotion after running a blistering 5k. But when that flutter hits her - Elsa nearly faints from the strain.
"Woah, easy there," Anna sniggers, "do you need a moment, or what?"
"Yea, yea," Elsa clutches her head, "Give me like, a few minutes to get changed - I'll see you outside?"
Anna nods.
The spring in Elsa's steps towards the showers doesn't stop her from throwing up in the nearest bin.
The pounding in Elsa's chest from earlier fades into a gentle throbbing. One that quickens when she spots Anna outside the Stadium. Hand in her pocket and music in her ears. Scrolling through something on her phone. She pauses for a moment. Open-mouthed stare at the petite figure wearing the same hoodie and torn jeans. Still unsure if Anna's real or just a dream.
"You waited for me," Elsa breathes.
Anna plucks out her earbuds, "Um, yea. I mean - I'm not the type who'd just randomly bail on people. Usually."
Oh, she's going to be giving you shit for a long time.
Elsa chuckles at the statement, "I assumed you'd be working at the Cafe around this time."
"I dropped a shift to somebody else to come here," Anna's voice fades.
"To cheer on your schoolmates?"
This time, Anna doesn't even answer. She stares back at Elsa. Allowing the blonde to read it from the look in her eyes.
The whisper leaves Elsa's lips in a shallow breath, "You didn't have to."
And the reply slips into the slight space between them, "I wanted to."
"Why?"
"I don't know," Anna shrugs, looking away, "I thought we could hang out after this or something."
A smile breaks out on Elsa's face, before it immediately capsizes into a grimace.
"Shit," Elsa swears, raking a hand through her hair, "Believe me, I'd love to - but I can't. I have to be at the stupid counselling thing."
"Nah it's alright," Anna shakes her head, "It was just wishful - God. I mean. I cycled a long way here. I didn't even know what I was expecting."
Heat bristles beneath Elsa's skin. Fucking parents. That strangling feeling makes a resurgence with each passing second the dark cloud hovers over Anna's face. All the voices start echoing in her head. She's got ten times the character you do. You don't deserve her. But out of all the voices, a single one tells her not to let go.
"Hey, I still have some time. I could send you home," Elsa offers, "and we can get milkshakes on the way. I know a cafe-"
Anna's face lights up, "You know a cafe? Is finding cafes your hidden talent besides track or something? Because all I know about cafes is how much they pay per hour and whether or not they let you take home the leftovers."
Elsa lets out a chuckle, "C'mon, you - This one's on me."
"Oh, not so easy! You're going to have to cough up more than a milkshake to make up for me cycling all the way down here."
Elsa bites down on her lips as Anna turns away to load her bicycle into the boot yet again - pondering exactly how much she has to do just to see this girl smile.
Turns out - not much: one chocolate milkshake and a slice of triple decker fudge cake. Along with an impromptu car-karaoke session to "Don't stop believin'". Egged on by Anna's incessant pestering, Elsa's throat goes hoarse at hitting the high notes. And they take turns belting out the chorus like a pair of giggly teenagers with nothing else in life to worry about. And oh my god - Anna's voice! All gentle yet powerful and full of range and an emotional depth which takes Elsa's breath away. It only dawns on her when she reaches that shitty part of the neighbourhood again. When she looks over at Anna slouched in her seat, still laughing as she wipes a happy tear from her eyes.
That she's spent merely all of thirty minutes with her.
It might as well be thirty seconds.
And that's exactly how long Anna stands by her open car window again. Arms folded and cheeks reddened from singing.
"You've quite the lungs on you, Anna-" Elsa giggles.
"So do you," Anna answers, "I liked watching you run."
"I lost."
"And I don't even remember whether you came in third or thirteenth."
Elsa chortles a clear-throated laugh.
Third or thirteenth. It didn't even matter to her.
And a realisation settles upon Elsa just how light her head feels. Like a burden she didn't know she was carrying had been lifted over the last half hour.
There's a mossy single-storey home over Anna's shoulder. Chain link fence with a padlocked gate. All at once Elsa imagines this girl growing up here. Waking every morning for school. For work. Just existing under the same sky as her. And she didn't have a fucking clue. The thought of Anna just vanishing again stings her heart. And she grasps onto every last second she can spend with her. Elsa sucks in a breath and gathers the courage. Of all her accomplishments, she's never had to do this one thing in her life.
"So are you gonna give me your number?" Elsa asks, looking down at her lap, "or do I have to keep hoping we'd run into each other?"
And that beaming smile on Anna's face flies back.
"I already did!" Anna declares, before walking away into the sunlight.
She did?
Anna salutes from the doorstep, "Sorry for littering your car, Elsa!"
Elsa looks down at the empty milkshake cup. Adorned with ten digits and a message that's seared into her brain.
no excuse to bail on me now! =D
It turns out: none of this was necessary either.
The receptionist's gentle whisper sounds like a yell in the Office's silence, "I do apologise, Ms Williams. Dr. Robinson is away at the institute on an Emergency call. I passed the message onto your parents and assumed they'd inform you."
A fuming volcano threatens to erupt in Elsa's chest with each soft word that gets lobbed her way. It's on the verge of boiling over. She knows it's pointless directing the venom towards this gentle, bespectacled woman. So she bites her tongue and scribbles her own number down.
"That's alright, just send me a message next time," Elsa's voice teeters on the edge of breaking, "my parents are busy and don't have time to talk to me."
Elsa doesn't even know how she manages to keep her car in a straight line. A tornado of thoughts brew in her head. Stupid counselling. Could've spent more time with Anna. Fucking parents. She nearly rear-ends her mother's car in the driveway. And wishes she did.
Worse still. They're both home early. Arms folded and staring her down the moment she enters. She doesn't even get a chance to put her bag down before Agnarr snarls at her.
"Coach Maui said you screwed up the finals."
It feels like a gunshot to the chest. And nothing's left within that gaping cavity but hatred.
"I. Got. Third." Elsa's voice rises.
"Sweetie, we don't expect you to win all the time," Iduna cuts in, "but he said you haven't been taking the training seriously-"
Again with the good-cop-bad-cop act. Despite years of knowing how they screw with her mind and manipulate her all the time. Why does it only now make her feel like a caged animal?
Teeth gritted, Elsa counts off on her fingers, "I set a new PB. Broke the West Ash 5K record. The other two girls had to break the State record to win. Both of which were set by I-don't-know, me?"
Agnarr shoots a finger, "You know college scouts show up at these events so why didn't you give it your best-"
She shakes her head, "Oh, it's not like either of you were there to see my best! And there's still Spring season to worry about."
"You know damn well it's not enough to rely on-"
Elsa yells the house down, "What would be enough for you?" Her sudden ferocity staggers both parents. Lungs heave from the angst she'd just hurled their way. And with it, a tear trickles down her cheek.
"Year after year, you treat me like some sort of machine," Elsa breaks between sobbing and seething, "I don't even feel like a human being anymore, let alone your fucking daughter."
"Don't you talk to us like-"
"Do you even know what makes me happy? How hard I cried at Dr. Robinson's last week? Did you even know she wasn't in today?" the words spill from Elsa like the tears from her wet, throbbing face.
Iduna pipes in, "Elsa we-"
"Enough of this Elsa shit," she isn't even making sense anymore, "if all I am is a means to an end you can go find another daughter because I'm sick of being treated like this-"
She brushes past Iduna on her way to her room. Shaking off her attempt to grab at her elbow. Hurling her third place medal across the living room and scoring a three-pointer on the wastepaper basket.
The sun's long gone by the time she hauls her shaking body onto the roof. Violent pounding in Elsa's chest and the wind on her wet face precludes her from sitting on that duvet. Instead she stands with her sneakers nestled between the tiles. Not even folding her arms against the cold. There's enough ice in her heart today.
She wipes the blurry fog clouding her eyes. Standing upright on the roof gives Elsa a slightly broader view of her neighbourhood. Her eyes fall back to that familiar spot of light on the roof across town. And immediately she recalls where she dropped Anna off. The realisation pulses in her chest. Washing away that cloud of angst hanging over her soul. Before that invisible thread of longing returns and tethers her to that girl in the shitty part of town.
Elsa lets out a trembling, weak smile. She reaches for her phone. It takes her quivering fingers a few moments to open the messaging app. The empty chat box once again appears as a blank canvas for possibilities as infinite as stars in the night sky.
Hey Anna, It's Elsa here. That's not you I see every night on your roof, is it? My night sky buddy?
When the reply hits her inbox. Elsa feels like she's blasting off on a rocket ship. Sailing through outer space on her way to landing in that strange, unknown world that belongs to Anna.
Took ya that long to figure out, huh? :)