Chapter 21. Breakthrough

Two weeks later

No. Shuri's answer was final and irrevocable. She would not be party to returning Winter back to his previous state. He was aware of Ayo, standing at the ready behind the Princess, unable to decipher whether the anger he felt at that moment was a threat, but Shuri stood firm.

"You cannot ask me to destroy all that you have accomplished since you manifested," she said, firmly but with an element of understanding. "Winter, you are a valuable member of society who has much to contribute in the future. You don't even know if Sergeant Barnes will object to the sharing of your singular body."

"Of course he will," huffed the super soldier, backing off so that Ayo would also back off a little. "Ever since he reclaimed his identity on the deck of the helicarrier he has continually worked to remove any influence of the Winter Soldier." Shuri started to say something, but he put his hand up. "I know you're going to say that he's aware that I'm not the Soldier anymore but what kind of life will either of us have, if the other is always there, always present? He will want to live his life with his wife and family, and what will I do? It's not like I can close myself off anymore. I could retreat before because my understanding of love and relationships was limited and of no interest to me. But now ..."

He turned away, embarrassed at having to spell it out.

"Now you wish the same for yourself," said Ayo, in Wakandan. "With your current knowledge and awareness, you cannot be an impassive observer any longer. If Sergeant and Mrs. Barnes agreed, you would wish to be a participant in their relationship, feeling what they feel and engaging fully in their marriage. Is that accurate?"

"Yes," he answered, truthfully. "But she does not wish it and based on what I do recall of Barnes' feelings about his wife, he is too possessive to allow a third party into the marriage. So, my options are limited to returning me to my previous state of disinterested occasional observer or remove me entirely."

A pain between her eyes made Shuri rub that spot in a failed attempt to soothe it. When she arrived with Ayo the night before to be present at the testing of the probe in a low Kelvin temperature environment, she was looking forward to sharing the success of that with her colleagues. Then Winter had approached her and asked for a private conversation about something important. She hadn't expected this request.

"What about a clone body?" she asked. "Do you still have the cloning technology that Cerberus had?"

"No," he answered. "Nova Corps took it back to their planet, with the intention of making it proprietary technology, for use only under the strictest of conditions and not for Terrans. Thor inquired on my behalf, and they denied the request. Tony Stark said he and Dr. Banner might be able to replicate an android body for me but felt I would lose my humanity in the transfer process. The creation of Vision was an anomaly, unlikely to be replicated, as no Infinity Stone would be involved."

"Winter, I cannot do as you have asked," she said again, looking at him imploringly. "You are a unique being and what you ask cannot be done before Barnes is reunited with his body. He should at least have input into it. My concern is that because you would be sharing the part of the brain where a person's individuality exists that anything I do to your essence will damage the physiology of the brain enough to affect Sergeant Barnes. I'm unsure if the regenerative abilities of your body would be able to repair that damage. He still has existing damage from his time with HYDRA and this could add to that. Do you wish to risk being the cause of more damage?"

It had been something he hadn't really considered. The last thing he wanted to do was cause further brain damage to Barnes. It wouldn't be fair to the man. With a heavy heart, he realized that he truly had no alternatives. Shuri and Ayo both watched the dilemma play itself out on his face, recognizing the moment when he accepted that he really didn't have a choice.

"Very well," he answered. "I withdraw my request. Please keep it confidential. I don't want anyone to think that I had doubts about reuniting with Barnes."

"Perhaps I can create a process for you to voluntarily enter a state of deep meditation," said Shuri, quickly thinking of acceptable alternatives. "It might be a way for you to withdraw from those moments that should remain private between Sergeant and Mrs. Barnes."

"That would be acceptable."

He took his leave and returned to his quarters, standing at his windows again and looking out over the landscape, which now had a skiff of snow on it. How did Barnes do it? How was he able to navigate this labyrinth of emotions, desires and doubts that seemed to dominate this life? It was difficult for him, and he struggled as you are struggling now. The thought came unbidden to Winter, but he recognized the accuracy of it. Barnes had struggled with finding a way to fit into society. Without Steve to help him he had pulled away from Sam Wilson, convincing himself that the man's help was reluctantly offered. He was wrong about that. You yourself know that Sam's counsel has been valuable. Everyone that you have confided in, Sam, Carol, Peter, even Noelle have been honest with you and have guided you well.

"Then why do I feel the way I do? Why do I want more when I know I can't have it once Barnes returns? Why do I feel guilty for that part of me that doesn't want Barnes to return?"

He voiced those thoughts out loud, waiting for that other voice in his head to answer. When it did, it surprised him.

You feel that way because you've grown as an individual. That's a good thing. You feel guilty because you are a good person and Barnes is the reason you exist in the first place. Without him, you wouldn't be. Winter, be honest with yourself. If it was possible to make it so, what would you do to satisfy all these concerns?

"I ... we would have our own bodies, Barnes and me. He would be reunited with Noelle and Winnie, while I would be free to pursue my own wants and needs, without regrets or guilt. We would be friends, and perhaps colleagues on the Avengers, for I have found a purpose with them."

If it were not possible to do that, would you accept the inevitable truth that you were not meant to be what you have become? Would you stay in the background and allow Barnes to resume his life, the life that he built for himself, the life that was denied to him by HYDRA? Would you give up your desires so that his desires are fulfilled?

It was so quiet in his room. Winter could hear the sounds of his heart beating, the intake and outflow of his breath, even the slight clicks and whirs of the mechanisms in the vibranium arm. It was the sound of the silence that was loudest as it waited for his answer. He couldn't be removed from this body, not without risking damage to Barnes. He couldn't be modified either, not by an external force. It was all on him, on the man he had become. He turned away from the window and looked at his room, at the small things that had begun appearing, some of Winnie's drawings tacked to the wall, a jar of autumn leaves preserved in their bright colours as a reminder of the beauty of the season, the binoculars he requisitioned for the birdwatching club, the cook book he borrowed from Noelle as he decided to make something, the books he had borrowed from the onsite library. The one on top, A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens; so fitting a book for the situation he found himself in. Not because of the historical aspects of the story but because of two of the male characters, Charles Darnay and Sidney Carton; two men who resembled each other but also loved the same woman. There was much more to the story, but Winter couldn't help but identify with the Carton character, who loved Lucie but knew her heart was with Darnay. Even though Carton didn't think of himself as a good man, he made the decision to trade places with Darnay, allowing him to have the life with Lucie that Carton wanted. Carton went to the guillotine, while Darnay had Lucie. The answer was there. It always had been.

"Yes, I would give it all up for Barnes," said Winter, quietly to the room. "It was his life before and it will be his life again. Somehow, I will stand aside so he can live it without interference from me."

The other voice didn't answer but Winter knew it was the right answer. If it was a test of his morals, then he must have passed because voicing the decision felt right. There was no other choice, it was never his life to live. It was Barnes and Noelle's.

"Winter," said Friday's voice. "The low temperature test for the probe is minutes away. Do you wish to be present?"

"Yes," he answered. "Thank you. I'll be right there."

A few minutes later, he arrived at the lab, not surprised to see it almost full. It was a momentous occasion; a communications device to be sent to another universe, so fundamentally different than this one. Thor was at the front, along with the team members and he raised his hands to signal the procedure was imminent.

"Welcome everyone. As you know, we were struggling with how to keep the heat generated by the power supply from putting the vibranium universe at risk. The contact with the living vibranium in Wakanda gave us the information needed to expand the temperature range of the power unit, just as the contributions of our sorcerer friends in keeping a safety barrier around it has made it possible for this test. We have chosen to go lower than the upper range of the vibranium universe for this test, allowing ourselves the time to open a portal and return the device to our universe if the safety barrier begins to fail. This test will run for one hour. Subsequent tests will run longer. After eight straight hours have been verified, we will consider sending the unit to the vibranium universe and making contact with the single consciousness and hopefully Sergeant Barnes. Everyone ready?"

He looked around, then at members of the team. The probe was already in the chamber and the vacuum was applied to remove the atmosphere. A new atmosphere was pumped in, at the temperature and pressure of the vibranium universe. Then the probe was activated, and it rose into view on the screen, opening up and beginning to function. Everything on it seemed to be working as it should and after an hour of anxiously watching it the test was ended and there was a celebration of sorts. Winter watched for a short time, then left, headed back to his quarters. Once inside, he went to his bedroom and picked up the copy of A Tale of Two Cities, removing the sticky notes he wrote and inserted as he came across aspects he wished to consider further. When he was done, he left the apartment and returned the book to the library. He didn't take any others out, as there no longer seemed to be a point to it anymore.


Vibranium universe

The Steve being sat where it could watch the Barnes entity, still in his unresponsive state. How alone that entity was, isolated inside that single form, with no access to something greater than itself. Still, he had created bonds with other entities, like Noelle, Wilson, and the others who were cooperating to find a way to return him to their universe. The bonds were different than what the Steve being felt with The One, but they were important to Barnes. Even as singular forms the humans sought out connections with other singular forms. Since his portion of The One first coalesced to form its own singular shape, it had become obvious that there was something to admire about these beings. They were persistent in their efforts to join with like-minded individuals to satisfy their need for connection.

Barnes being here started with bringing those entities associated with Cerberus to their universe to learn why they had broken through. In the brief time those entities still existed The One had learned about HYDRA and about what they did to the Barnes entity. It was why they brought only his essence instead of his form to this universe, not wanting his form to cease existence while they determined if that universe was a threat to them. It wasn't realized that they couldn't restore him in the same manner until they discovered there had been two within his original form, two distinct essences. When the Winter essence awoke, restoration of the Barnes' essence could not be achieved. The One quickly created a singular form for Barnes then could only observe as he mourned the loss of his connection to his universe; especially to the one called Noelle and the smaller one, Winnie. It had taken many explorations of Barnes essence to learn that a connection between him, Noelle, Winnie, and the other part of him, Winter, still existed; not limited by being part of another universe.

There was so much they didn't know about these beings. It was why The One agreed to creating a form, in a shadow appearance at first, then in the likeness of "Steve," Barnes childhood friend, another concept that had been foreign to them but was of so much importance to the beings in the other universe. For such singular creatures, they were complex in their thoughts and actions, and perhaps being in the same form as them would help The One understand. After the first onslaught of emotions, and thoughts, during the communication with the Winnie entity, there was understanding but there were also more questions, and concerns over how the original mistake had created a cascade of events in both universes that created even more concerns. A portion of The One swirled around the Steve form and he raised the appendage known as a hand to it, watching as it dissolved into the grey for better, more precise communication.

"We sense disquiet within your form. Do you wish to rejoin The One?"

It would be simple to reject this singular existence and rejoin the others but he ... wait, when did he start thinking of himself as an individual entity? His thought rippled throughout the rest of the main body, and he waited for the inevitable discussion between the different portions of The One to commence. There were parts that were outraged (a human word that easily fit the disdain they felt about individuality), parts that were more curious, like he had been, of how these beings functioned without a central thought and sense of purpose guiding them. Other portions withdrew towards the edge of The One's existence, just wanting to go on as they always had, never changing. Then, deep in the most aged part of their being, some of the Ancients, those who were present at the beginning and had been sentient for the longest time, made themselves known.

"Change is inevitable," they said. "There are memories of before, when we existed only at a level so minute that many of us were created and unformed within moments as the chaos couldn't sustain us. When the chaos reached a state of pressure that could no longer be maintained it detonated and the beginning of everything was. Even then it took many millennia to become what we are now. Soon, this portion of The One will be reabsorbed back into the non-sentient portion and wait to become part of The One again. The prospect of becoming a unique entity is interesting and should be investigated and explored. Perhaps the next facet of our existence is a more physical presence of individuals rather than the collective spiritual entity that we are."

The words of the Ancients created their own ripples throughout The One and the Steve being was aware of portions of the main body that were approaching his position. They had questions.

"How was it done?"

"How was his appearance decided?"

"If it was unpleasant, could they rejoin The One?"

"What did it feel like to be in a singular form?"

His answers were cryptic to some. His first attempt at creating a form was in thinking of their own shadow form as more than ephemeral but it wasn't enough, so future attempts tried to make it look more human, using Barnes' memories as a template. The appearance he chose was taken from a specific time when Barnes' friend Steve was affected by the death of his mother.

"Define mother."

The female of the human species whose body was the receptacle for new life and who provided care for the child as it grew into an independent state. She was a nurturing influence and of emotional importance to the individual throughout their existence.

"They are not created to be independent from the beginning of their existence?"

No, they are not born sentient beings, but learn through experience, and development of the brain and body. The Winnie entity was a child and although she was partially sentient now, she still had much to learn. If they examined her memories, they would understand more. The singular existence was unsettling at first, but he believed that one could rejoin The One if they wished and if the main body accepted them. There was a sense of acceptance from The One; they would always allow the return of lost portions. The longer he was in a singular form, the more it felt normal to him.

"Is there more?"

Yes. This latest sensation from Winter had made him ... what was the concept? Concerned. When they first took Barnes by mistake, thinking that he was the simplistic Winter entity, they hadn't expected the complexity of his thoughts and emotions. It had been an onslaught on their existence; so much data, so much input that was foreign to them. Keeping him in a quiet state had given them time to analyze and evaluate Barnes. The Steve being had been curious about these aspects of the inhabitants of the warm universe and had taken initiative to cultivate the communication between The One and Barnes, then the others.

"Explain again," said The One. "What is your proposal?"

Winter had grown, without the presence of Barnes in his original body. He felt that they were unable to share that form together and contemplated removing himself from the original form. It would be a great loss as Winter was also experiencing what it meant to be a separate entity. It was similar to how the Steve being originally felt being separated from The One. At first, he experienced a sense of loss but the more time he spent in the form, the more he became accustomed to it. There was such potential for Winter to contribute but if he removed himself from the original form, his essence could be lost forever. He waited for The One to absorb this information.

"Do you have a solution?"

Offer him a form in this universe. There were newly sentient portions of The One that could be formed into a more permanent form than the current Barnes one, which was hastily created from the solid form of their universe. The current form operated at the higher temperature of their tolerance, but it isolated Barnes from touch, which was an important part of his species' existence. If they used newly sentient portions of The One, the form would be more attuned to life in this universe. Based on the questions he had sensed from other portions of The One there may be interest in others changing to a solitary form, to experience that existence.

"Is the Barnes entity aware of this?"

The Steve being looked back at where the Barnes entity lay. It was easier to keep him in a state of rest to avoid interfering with communication with the Winter entity. His thoughts on the Winter entity were still somewhat hostile. Even though the memory of Winter's emergence was shown to him, Barnes still had doubts.

"What is the state of the humans' efforts at communicating with this universe?"

Based on additional communication from both the Noelle and Winter entity, there was a breakthrough on their part that anticipated an attempt at contact very soon. He expected that the next step, of actually entering this universe would be the next breakthrough. Communication with the portion of The One that existed in their universe was successful, but it confirmed that portion had evolved too much to be reunited with the main body. The disappointment was palpable but the oldest part of The One spoke again.

"Can communication be maintained with it?"

"Yes. Part of the mechanism of their probe appears to be made from the solid form that was thrown into their universe. Once they send it here and it has adjusted to our environment, we should be able to absorb that and establish a direct link."

"Much has been learned." The Ancients seemed impressed.

"The humans associated with the Barnes, Noelle, and Winter entities are not like the ones of Cerberus or HYDRA. They are more open, sharing their thoughts freely with each other. Monitoring them has allowed me to come to these conclusions."

He awaited further questions from The One but instead detected some amusement from the Ancients.

"You are starting to think like them," it said. "Do you wish to remain as an individual?"

The Steve being considered the question carefully. "As long as I retain the ability to commune directly with the main body, yes. I wish to remain in this form."

There was a murmur throughout The One then the Ancients spoke again. "Let it be known among us all that this individual form is still part of The One, as he explores a new facet of our existence. Others may join him, freely and without restraint. They will always be able to communicate with the main body and will always be welcomed back if they so chose it. The creation of a distinct new form for the Winter and Winnie entities will be undertaken, using newly sentient portions of The One. The Winter form will be kept unresponsive until that time that it is needed to house his essence. The Winnie entity will be paired with a mother being and will learn in the same manner as the humans do."

There was consensus and the Steve being prepared to withdraw its appendage from the grey, but a tendril reached out and maintained contact long enough to send him a thought, meant only for him.

"Existence isn't enough for the humans," said the oldest of the Ancients. "There was an attempted incursion by one of their kind, a being able to access many universes. He sought direct communion with us, the oldest portions, but we were too different to understand each other at the time. On reflection, we realized the humans need purpose; activities to keep them occupied. You have already determined they need emotional bonds with others of their kind. Use Barnes directly, not just his memories that you access when he is unresponsive. Allow him to help you create a version of his world, so that when the times comes where you offer Winter his own form, he will choose to stay and help us transition to a different form."

"Is The One dying?" asked the Steve being.

There was no response for some time, then came the reluctant answer. "Possibly. The initial incursion into our universe by Cerberus killed many of our own as the warmth from that universe had an immediate effect. The gaseous form of our universe is not forming as quickly as it once did. When the existence of The Ancients ends, it is possible we may not be replaced. So, it would appear we have to evolve and perhaps a solid form is the next step in our development."

The tendril withdrew and although the Steve being was aware of The One all around him, he didn't feel its direct thoughts anymore. That final exchange of thoughts was definite. They had to evolve to continue their existence but that wasn't enough. They needed purpose as well.