Chapter 45: Transfiguration - Jan/Feb 1995
Harry loosened his scarf as he filed into the Great Hall with the other students fresh off the Hogwarts Express from winter break. He didn't look in the direction of the professors. If he had, he'd have noticed that Minerva McGonagall was sitting in the middle chair of the head table.
She called the students to order before the beginning of supper to explain that Headmaster Dumbledore had passed away over the winter holiday as a result of a long illness.
"He made many arrangements prior to his death. At this announcement, he wished for me to convey his great pride for the school and all of its students. He had many jobs and responsibilities, yet Hogwarts was always his favorite."
She then went on to say, "The board of governors has approved his recommendation to appoint me as headmistress. Professor Flitwick will serve as my deputy. Unfortunately, the added responsibilities also mean that I will no longer serve as head of Gryffindor House. Professor Vector has kindly agreed to fill the post, effective immediately."
The Gryffindor students gave a light round of applause as the Arithmancy professor bowed.
"I will teach some Transfiguration classes through the end of the academic year. Professor Snape, who has returned from his sabbatical early, has graciously agreed to teach the other years. This will also be effective immediately. As such, Professor Slughorn will continue to cover all Potions classes through the end of the year."
After a few lesser announcements, Headmistress McGonagall sat down.
Harry had known that Dumbledore's hand was cursed and would inevitably result in his death. Yet, Harry still felt caught out. Like last time, they didn't have a proper goodbye despite a year of opportunity for it.
When Harry thought back to their lessons, he could see that they'd already covered all of the topics they'd covered in the previous timeline. It still didn't feel like enough information to defeat Voldemort.
He then realized that Occlumency lessons with Snape were intended to replace his sessions with Dumbledore. That truth was hidden just barely out of Harry's sight.
Harry tried to take solace in the fact that Voldemort was already dead. He and Lily-as-Snape wouldn't have to continue on the path laid out for them by the late headmaster.
Harry's heart hurt anyway.
Harry found out that Headmistress McGonagall continued to teach first, fifth, and seventh-year students to "minimize disruption in those critical periods."
Professor Snape covered the rest of her classes. This plan meant that Harry would now have his mother in disguise as a Transfiguration teacher for several months.
That Thursday, Professor Snape began their first class together with a review of cross-species switches, which was the final topic before the winter break.
Neville had only a small amount more talent in Transfiguration than he did in Potions, so his and Hermione's study group changed focuses in the face of his new anxiety.
Hermione was reassuring to Neville outside of class. In class, Harry noted that she watched Professor Snape closely, presumably to push back if he was unnecessarily harsh on Neville.
But she never ended up stepping in, nor did she go on tirades about the professor after class like she had a year or two ago.
When Harry focused less on the voice and more on the content, he actually forgot who the professor was. The dramatic pauses and sharp remarks were absent.
As the Transfiguration professor, Snape didn't give house points, but he didn't subtract many either. The only exception Harry saw was when Seamus attempted to perform further modifications to Dean's guinea fowl: "Five points from Gryffindor for Mr. Finnegan's dangerous re-transfiguration attempt. You know better," he scolded.
After a few classes of this new version of Snape, Harry wondered if this was how his mother planned to teach going forward. Was this what she wanted to be like, now that she wasn't a double spy for Voldemort and Dumbledore both?
Harry thought that Lily-as-Snape was an adequate professor, but was only half-present. It felt like she could run from the classroom at any moment, to never return.
Or, perhaps Lily-as-Snape was merely "trying on" a new teaching style that she hadn't quite gotten a feel for. The stern but fair McGonagall was just another mask, if that were true.
That idea also saddened Harry.
After a week with no acidic remarks but no other remarkable interactions either, Harry asked Professor Snape at the end of Transfiguration class one day, "Sir, do you have office hours for this class?"
"I do." Lily-as-Snape listed the hours, carefully emphasizing the end of the following day's time slot.
"I'll be there tomorrow," Harry said. And he was.
The pair settled into a matching set of chairs next to the fire in Snape's new office on the fourth floor. They both had a steaming cup of tea.
Harry asked about Lily's potions research, which she told him about it moderate detail. "I'm proud of the work, though there are many other avenues I may explore in the future."
"Do you think you'll keep going?"
"I don't know," she said lightly. "Potions was more of Sev's passion than mine, even though I've learned to make do."
Harry decided that it was time to get to the heart of why he was there: answers. "I have questions about your role in Voldemort's defeat."
"Okay." Lily set down her cup.
"Know that… know that I need the truth. So you can either answer, or don't. I'd rather you said nothing than lie to my face."
Lily agreed gravely.
"What happened between you and Dumbledore?" They could say the name without fear of eavesdropping, since he was gone.
"Broadly? Or with regards to… the ring?"
"Both. Start where you like."
"If Voldemort could be considered as representing evil for evil's sake, Dumbledore represents evil for good's sake. I know that I am… not dissimilar, but it's still accurate. He tried to help people, yet he did it in a variety of reprehensible ways that I cannot forgive." Lily's lips twitched in emotion. "Because he believed that you were protected from harm as you sought out the pieces of Voldemort's soul, he believed that task was best left to you alone. Even if that meant the war dragged out longer. Even if you're still only a child."
Lily took a deep breath. "I put together the information about the Gaunt residence along with the Dark Lord's offhand description of a ring he wore in his youth. That evoked an intriguing idea of a fable that I knew Dumbledore put stock in. I told him what I knew." Lily's voice grew more tentative. "Perhaps I would have passed that information to him regardless, but I… engineered the situation further by mentioning a variety of details about Voldemort's routines and ill health. Nothing I said was outside the realm of a spy's report, but I knew what I was doing."
Harry appreciated that Lily still held herself somewhat responsible, even when Harry thought her culpability wasn't as nearly high as she had let him believe months ago.
"Enthralled by the prospect of one of the Deathly Hallows, Dumbledore chased the ring despite his previous claims that it was part of your prophesied victory. That exposed his hypocrisy," Lily spat.
Harry knew that his own face had crumpled into something ugly. Dumbledore would have left the whole job to me, if one of the trinkets hadn't meant something to him personally.
Lily said, "I can tell you that Dumbledore believed that you would outlive your destiny with Voldemort. However, he believed it was a different mechanism than I knew to be in effect."
Not a magical bargain, Harry understood. At least he didn't knowingly lie to me from the afterlife in the other timeline by claiming that my mother's sacrifice ran through my blood and protected me.
"While his beliefs were incorrect, I can't say if they would have brought you harm." Lily's voice intensified as she said, "Regardless, the rest of us would be stuck waiting on you to destroy an otherwise unkillable man. Any losses while you struggled to follow the old man's breadcrumbs were necessary tragedies, in his mind. Not only is that dreadful on its face, but I fear that those losses would have driven you to despair. That's assuming I know you at all, which I never know if I do."
"I probably would have struggled with feelings of guilt." Harry shifted in his chair. He had, in the other timeline.
Lily stared angrily at a spot at the wall. "Dumbledore left me many notes to be read on particular occasions, like your first big loss. Knowing that the Dark Lord was defeated, I've read them all in the past few weeks. Contained in one of the notes was a terrifying implication: you yourself housed a piece of Voldemort's soul."
Harry jumped in to say, "It's already gone."
"I strongly suspected as much." Lily bit her lip before offering, "If you'd like, I can explain Dumbledore's plans for us further."
Harry thought about it for a few moments. "I may come back and ask more, but I think I have the measure of him."
Lily quietly asked, "Does it bother you? That I sent him after the ring, even though I didn't know that he would be ensnared fatally by the curse the ring held?"
Harry was truthful. "It does. I wouldn't ever want to be responsible for ending someone's life, even indirectly. Even Voldemort was a challenge."
Lily made a sour face, which smoothed when she said, "I'll bear my regret about Dumbledore forever. Despite our differences, we were largely on the same side, and I did not expect Voldemort to die months ago. Had things been different, Dumbledore's death could have portended Voldemort overtaking of the Ministry. There was only so much sabotage Barty and I could do from the inside."
Harry could admit that the situation after Dumbledore's death looked bleaker from Lily's perspective.
Lily sighed. "Furthermore, the fatal curse proved that Dumbledore was justified in his hesitation, if not his inaction. Still, leaving all of the real work to you was unconscionable. I don't forgive him for that even though I have more perspective now."
Harry and Lily finished their cups of tea, and lingered while listening to the crackling fire.
Lily spoke next, "I suppose I have more cleanup to do, with Voldemort's demise. Although, Miss Granger seems to be handling the job she assigned me: managing Barty. Did you know that your friend interrogated him with her own truth potion?"
"Er, I didn't." Harry wasn't terribly surprised.
"I know I'm not entitled to give you advice, but here's some anyway: you and your friends aren't tough enough for true war. You're brave enough, for sure. But war is often about very hard decisions that hurt people, regardless of the justness of your cause. You care about your friends too much to do what needs to be done. Hell, it sounds like you care too much about your enemies."
Harry didn't think that Lily was being fair, but he said simply, "I would rather be a good person than a good soldier."
Lily's eyes watered, but she blinked it away. "I truly don't understand how you managed to find all of the horcruxes. Even with my access to the Dark Lord, I couldn't help much. I went to the cave, but found only Regulus' fake."
Harry was alarmed. "You didn't drink the potion, did you?" Harry had been horrified by the Drink of Despair that he'd had to force-feed Dumbledore in the other timeline.
Lily shook her head. "No. I know how the Dark Lord thinks. And while I wasn't successful in my original objective, it wasn't completely pointless. Regulus' note helped Barty understand the truth of Voldemort. But, I didn't manage to find a single horcrux other than the ring before Halloween."
Harry was truthful. "It means the world to me that you even tried."
Lily looked at Harry, then looked away with a devastated expression. "I don't know how… how you can bear to look at me."
While Harry still want a proper apology from his mother, he didn't think he could accept it without more time, more context, and changes from her. So, Harry said, "I don't want you to focus on what you deserve from me. Right now, I want answers so that I can keep working through everything. So, I'd like to keep talking to you. Can we do that, for now?"
"Everything is a bit… messy, isn't it," Lily agreed. "Talking more sounds good. But, perhaps another day."
Ron saw Draco Malfoy at supper when the students returned from winter break, but the redhead was then distracted by the announcement about Dumbledore.
Ron summarized his own feelings about Dumbledore: I'm sad that he's dead, but I'm not sad that he won't be manipulating Harry or Lily-as-Snape anymore.
Ron resolved to pay more attention to the news with the departure of the region's political powerhouse.
As McGonagall continued her announcements, Ron noted, Snape for Transfiguration is certainly… interesting. The redhead wondered if Snape volunteered for the job.
After they had a few Transfiguration classes with Professor Snape, Ron and Neville talked about the change.
Neville said, "I wonder if he's nicer to us because the Slytherins aren't in the same section."
"It certainly doesn't hurt," Ron replied. "I'm as surprised as anyone, but I sort of… enjoy Snape for Transfiguration. When I don't get the spell on the first try, he doesn't seem to take it personally." Despite having taken the class before, Ron wasn't great at it.
Neville looked thoughtful. "McGonagall did have a variety of little disapproving looks for all sorts of situations. I could do without those."
January Care of Magical Creatures classes were cold and miserable, but it didn't bother Ron much. He was more focused on Draco's return to Hogwarts.
Pansy excitedly explained the classes Draco missed and how terrible Ron was.
Ron smiled in the face of her insults and reminded them both about how he usually ended up doing more than his fair share of their group work.
Once Pansy's tirade wound down, Draco offered Ron homework help in Arithmancy "since he's now so far ahead from attending Durmstrang."
Ron saw past the bragging to the offer itself. "Okay."
The 'Lions Don't Sleep Tonight' Sleepover Committee announced the activities for this year's event to a wildly enthusiastic House.
Hermione was particularly excited about the first, main activity: a no-date dance.
The Gryffindors were encouraged to wear a special outfit (dress robes, fancy clothes, or something they didn't wear often). The dance would start off with lessons for traditional wizarding dances. Later on, they would switch to muggle line dances.
Hermione asked her committee for someone to demonstrate formal, partner dancing with her. Surprisingly, Ron raised his hand.
As they practiced, they bickered a little bit about toe-stepping and Ron's irregular gait, but the pair still had smiles.
Hermione was grateful for their friendship.
The night of the event, the dancing proved to be a huge success, with more than a few party crashers from other houses. Hermione was content to let them stay as long as they were respectful.
Uh oh. Hermione saw Professor Snape talking to Harry. She moved closer to eavesdrop.
Snape called out to her, "I'm not here to crash your party. The headmistress merely recommended that I observe. She wants me to consider running a similar event for my own House, because my demeanor obviously screams 'party planner'."
Harry told him, "Everyone contains multitudes." His delivery was cheeky but the intensity of his expression was not.
Snape waved Harry and Hermione away, back to the event.
Hermione gently pulled Harry toward the dancers, "Show me your moves, Potter!"
He gave her a goofy smile in return.
