Chapter 5

All they had to do was sign the forms, and this was over.

They never had to speak of it again if they didn't want to.

It was for the best.

He knew they were right. He believed they were right.

Any other outcome made little sense.

And yet, he continued to sit on his couch, pen in hand, staring at the forms on the coffee table in front of him. Unable to sign.

His head tipped backward, and he closed his eyes. Why was this so difficult?

Erica couldn't carry this child. Finding a surrogate was a complication, and neither had the time or energy to deal with.

But destroying what could his last chance at fatherhood seemed unfathomable.

His heart screamed to call Erica, tell her what he was feeling, and ask what she was feeling.

While his mind reminded him that if they did this, it would be their child.

His. Hers.

It would be life changing.

Crazy. Insane even.

They would make terrible co-parents and yet...

He shook his head, sudden knocking at his front door, pulling him from his thoughts.

There was no good reason he could think of that someone would be at his door after

"Who is it?" He asked quickly, his voice hard and pointed. Couldn't he be left alone?

"It's me. Can I come in?" Her voice was soft and seemed faraway.

She should have turned around. Should have driven away.

Jack had tried to stop her. Talk her out of even thinking it, let alone approaching David with it.

She was undeterred.

She wanted this. She needed this.

And she'd spent the past three days trying to tell herself why she couldn't do it.

Only find herself more determined to try.

"Erica," He breathed, eyes taking her in as he opened the door.

She looked beautiful as always, but she also looked, anxious, frazzled.

He'd never known her to be anything but composed.

"I'm sorry. I know it's late, but I..."

I..what? Did she ease into it? Did she just say it?

I want to transfer our embryo. I want to try to get pregnant with our child.

He'd have her committed.

"I know it's late, but I had to see you before..."

He was nodding as he showed her inside.

"Are you alright?" He questioned, motioning for her to sit.

She nodded, back to him, as she walked toward the couch. Her eyes caught sight of the unsigned destruction forms on the coffee table.

"Oh," She breathed, an anxious smile tilting her lips. "You haven't signed them either."

She sat down quickly, barely there against the cushions. She felt like she was going to jump out of her skin.

"Either?" He questioned, crossing in front of her so he could sit on her right.

"I want to transfer our embryo."

The words flew out in a rush of air that actually hurt as it left her lungs.

She chewed on her bottom lip and turned to look at him.

She'd expected wide-eyed confusion, shock. Not the soft, almost relief filled gaze he was giving her.

"I know it's crazy. I know it makes no sense. But I want to do it. I need to."

She finished with a hard rush of air. Relief flooding from her lungs.

David regarded her silently. He understood. He felt the same. He wanted the same.

But they had to be clear. Had to understand what this decision could potentially mean. "If it takes. If you get pregnant, have a live birth, it's a child, Erica. Our child. Forever. We can't change our minds. We can't take it back."

"If we donate, we lose another child we never had the chance to know. The same happens if we choose to destroy. If we transfer, if we try, we would have a chance, David. One last chance to know our child. Greg violated me and took something he had no right to. He conned you into potentially creating life, and he gave three of those lives away. Even if this doesn't work, it's my choice. Our choice. It's our last chance to take control back, to prove that somehow, good can outweigh bad. I don't know if I can live with myself if I don't try."

There were tears on her cheeks, and her body shook slightly. She wanted this more than she could put into words. More than even she understood. Motherhood at her age was frowned on, looked down on. And yet, it was all she'd dreamed about since that day at the station when Jesse told them about the embryo.

Visions of a dark-haired boy, with David's eyes and her smile, danced behind her eyes every night. A gorgeous little girl with her hair and eyes and David's smile danced in front of her as she sat at her desk.

"I want this child."

Not a child. This child. The one in the lab waiting for them. The one created from lies and deceit thirty years before, who would be born into so much love, it couldn't breathe.

David closed his eyes, willing his own tears not to fall. Willing his resolve not to crumble now.

No one else would understand.

"Alright," He choked out on a sob, "Let's do the transfer."

He watched her as he spoke. Watched tears slip down her cheeks. Watched a barely there smile slide across her lips. Watch her chest fall as all her fear and anxiety rushed away. "You need to sign these," She thumbed away her tears and smiled over at him. "I'll give them to Dr. Anderson at my appointment tomorrow."

He nodded as she set the paperwork on the coffee table. "How did you I would agree?" He sighed quickly before his brain caught up to his heart.

Her smile was bright, and she raised an eyebrow at him. "I'll always know you better than anyone, David. And I saw your face at the clinic."

No one else would believe this. Everyone in town was going to try and talk them out of it. Convince them that this was crazy.

It was crazy.

But he wanted it. As much as she did.

"Would you like me to go with you?"

She folded the forms and stood up, "Thank you. But I think I need to do this on my own."

He nodded and followed her toward the front door. "You know it's a difficult process on your body? Getting yourself ready for transfer involves medication and some injections. It's a lot to put yourself through."

She was at the door now and nodded, looking over her shoulder at him. "I want this and everything that comes with it."

"Call me when you get back," It was a question, but he hoped she would. He wanted to as much a part of the process as she would allow him.

"I will. Goodnight, David." Her smile was soft, warm.

It was one she hadn't allowed him to see in years.

"Goodnight." He closed the door behind her and leaned against it.

They were both smart people. They understood what they were about to do.

They understood how little sense it made.

Somehow, none of that seemed to matter.

And only made them want it more.

TBC