AN: Josh mentions in this one. As much as I disliked it, he was Erica's son, and she loved him. So, I do need to help her through his loss, even if I don't really want to.
Saved Kendall for this bit as well, since she has his heart after all.
Her gift to Erica will come into play in the next chapter and at least once more throughout the story.
Chapter 19
Kendall's return to Fusion had been a long time coming. David and Joe had advised more bed rest than she liked or wanted, but no one wanted her to reject Josh's heart, and so she'd done as she was told.
She was finally feeling up to working, getting back into a routine, and putting Fusion even further on the map.
She nervously fiddled with the box she'd placed on her Mother's desk.
News of Erica's pregnancy had spread like wildfire. The world was in disbelief and filled with confusion.
Erica and David had chosen to reveal the bare minimum about the embryo and what Madden had done. Deciding that the truth was theirs to keep and reveal when they were ready.
Their only real goal was to protect Alex and Olivia, keep their identities quiet as long as possible, and that meant giving away as little information as possible.
Even if it meant causing a media circus the likes of which Pine Valley hadn't seen in years.
It was all incredibly unbelievable and yet somehow made sense.
"Kendall, sweetheart," Erica exclaimed, headed for her daughter.
Kendall turned to meet her in a strong hug.
"It's so good to see you. You look wonderful. All that extra rest was worth it."
They hadn't seen each other in over a week. Kendall needed her rest, and she was busy fielding morning sickness and was trying to navigate a media free-for-all.
Kendall nodded and trailed her eyes down Erica's small frame. "I could say the same. You're glowing."
Erica nodded and headed around Kendall toward her desk. She was approaching twelve weeks, and her morning sickness was easing. Her well trained eyes noticed a slight curve in her abdomen.
Very few people could or would understand how happy the changes to her figure made her.
She hadn't made it this far in her last pregnancy, and every milestone she hit with this one healed her heart in ways she couldn't explain.
"I'm finally feeling human again." She was behind her desk now, mind drifting. Some days, she had a hard time focusing on work, on anything outside of her son.
Josh had been such an incredible blend of both of them. Where Alex seemed to favor David in his darker features and skin tone.
Olivia was like her sisters and favored the Kane women. Aside from her jet-black hair.
This child could be any combination of them. Or have his own look. She imagined he'd be a brunette like his brother's, but have David's dark eyes and complexion.
Selfishly, she wanted Olivia to be the only one with black hair. Their only daughter, being the child with David's hair color, felt fitting. Like she was meant to stand out from her brothers.
Kane women often stood out from the rest, and she hoped Olivia would follow in their footsteps.
"You've probably felt so terrible because you're incubating Kane-Hayward DNA. That's a storm waiting to happen."
Erica nodded through a wide smile. "He's going to be a force, that's for sure."
Kendall nodded, studying her Mother's expression. Despite the media circus, despite knowing she would share the child with David Hayward, she was still glowing.
Still happy and excited.
Erica tilted her head slightly and raised a curious eyebrow. "You're not going to lecture me on the evils of bringing David's son into the world? Warn me that I will spend the next eighteen years fighting David over our child?"
Kendall sighed and shook her head. "You're an adult. And as you've said countless times, you know who David is, and you can handle it. You clearly want this baby and are prepared to deal with David. I think most of this town should mind their own business."
Erica offered her a grateful smile. "Thank you, sweetheart. You don't know how much your support means to me."
She did know. She'd made a similar choice when she'd elected to use her eggs to make Spike. She'd supported Bianca through her pregnancy. She'd even come to understand Erica's choices in regard to her own birth.
Having control over your own body, making your own choices, and your own ability to decide how best to handle your life was something Erica deserved, maybe more than most.
"Speaking of David," Kendall started, "He and I actually had a long talk about all of this, and while the guys morals and standards are a little loose, he seems to be committed to being a good father and co-parent. Sounds like, at least for now, you two are on the same page."
"You and David have long talks?" She knew Kendall heard what she heard. Shock. Surprise. Maybe a hint of jealousy. Kendall was his patient, after all. There was no reason why he couldn't talk to Kendall.
Kendall shook her head and smiled at Erica, at the obvious jealously that tinted her words. "He came to check on me, and while he was there, I asked him to help me with this." She motioned to the box on Erica's desk.
"Oh, how did I miss this?"
"It's just something small. I wanted to do something for you, for the baby."
Erica opened the box quickly, eyes wide and slightly confused as she lifted a brown teddy bear from it.
"If you...if you..."She was trying to get the words out, but old fears and doubts crept in. Was this the right way to go? David had assured that Erica would love it and that Josh's brother having it seemed fitting. She still worried it would be too much. That Erica's grief was still too fresh.
"If you press his stomach," She motioned quickly, "that's my, well, Josh's heartbeat."
Erica was still for a few months before gently squeezing the bear.
The soft rhythmic pulsing of a heartbeat started instantly.
"Oh, it's beautiful," She choked out, raising the bear closer to her ear. "So strong."
"David said things are going better than expected and that the likelihood of rejection is minimal at this point."
She nodded slightly. She was listening, and she was trying to follow along, but Josh's heartbeat still wafted in her ears, and she was having trouble focusing on much else.
"This is wonderful, thank you."
"You can have it, or I thought it might be fitting that his little brother have it. It's kind of a full circle sort of thing."
Her son could have it. He could know his brother in the only tangible way she had to offer him.
"I wish he could be here," The words were soft, and her tone wavered. She blinked back tears and softly hugged the bear.
They all wished Josh was still with them. That had more time to be a family. That he could get to share Erica's joy at the impending arrival of their brother.
But that wasn't it possible, was it? No matter how many ways you tried to put it together, Josh was always lost to them.
"So do I," Kendall finally said softly. "But if he was still here, you wouldn't be carrying his brother. You wouldn't even know he existed if Josh was still alive. The only reason David picked up on discrepancy is because he was testing us."
"You wouldn't be here either," She finished almost on a whisper. "His death has given so much life."
Kendall nodded and swiped at a few errant tears. "It really is the definition of death bringing life. I know he would be so happy for you and so excited to have a brother."
Erica moved around her desk quickly and pulled Kendall into a hug.
Grief was hard. The loss of a child was unbearable and unfathomable. The pain so deep she wouldn't wish it on anyone.
And yet, life always peered through. Offered hope. Glimmers of peace and joy.
If Josh was alive, Kendall would be dead.
If Josh was alive, they would never have known the embryo existed.
Without death, there was no life. No moving forward. No learning. No healing. No new beginnings.
It truly was the circle of life at its finest, and its gifts would not be taken lightly.
TBC
