AN: A couple of Josh mentions in this one, but nothing like the last chapter.

I felt like the end of this chapter has been brewing for a while. I'm still not writing romantic DE in a physical sense, but I'm not being true to the characters if I pretend like nothing would happen.

I hope I've done it just.

This is leading into one of their bigger chats, and its going to flow naturally from where the chapter ends.

Chapter 20 Part I

Sleep wasn't her friend. The long hours of the night ticked by at a snails pace.

She'd stopped sleeping just before Josh's death, the weight of her families troubles already baring hard on her mind and body.

Josh's death had only exacerbated the situation.

She'd hoped the exhaustion of the first trimester would have settled her some, but the effect seemed to be opposite.

The only nights she slept were those she spent next to David. Which were becoming more and more frequent.

Nothing was happening. They hadn't crossed any physical lines. This wasn't sexual or physical. It was something deeper. Something more intimate than anything she had ever experienced.

They didn't understand it and could never explain it to anyone else.

It felt right.

She was alone now, David, having been called into surgery just after dinner. She'd heard him come in an hour or so ago but had resisted going to him.

This was the first time since they had learned the truth, where she felt his presence might be tempting to her.

To them.

Might lead them down a path they had no business taking.

It wasn't her family, Josh's death, or even her pregnancy that was keeping her awake tonight.

It was the conversation she and David had been engaged in before his pager had gone off, that was keeping her mind from stilling.

"Thank you for helping Kendall make the bear. It's wonderful and quite calming to be able to hear Josh's heartbeat."

David nodded, offering her a soft smile. Kendall had asked him if it were possible, and if it was, was it something Erica would want? Maybe for the baby?

He'd helped make the recording without stopping to think of what he was actually doing. Josh was biologically his, but in every other way, he was a stranger. Shouldn't he feel more than he did?

"I'm glad you like it. It's a good way for you and the baby to have something tangible to remember him by."

She nodded, eyes fixed on his profile. "It's something for you to have of him as well. He was your son too, David."

"Was he?" He asked, turning to look at her. His eyes met hers, and he shook his head. This was all so complicated. His heartache for Josh was because he was biologically his son, but the reality of it was that Josh was nothing more than a stranger to him. "He was biologically mine, sure, but in all other ways, he was a stranger. I don't even know how to mourn him. The closest I ever got to him were my hands in his chest, holding his heart."

Her eyes slammed shut, and she winced. She couldn't fathom what that felt like. Knowing he cut his own son's heart from his dead body. Held it in his hands. "Oh David. I'm so sorry. I wish you'd had time with him."

"That's the reality of all of this, isn't? The time we've lost. Josh is gone. Alex and Olivia aren't far off adulthood. Even if we meet them one day, we've lost their entire childhood's. Madden stole our DNA, decided me into making our children, and then gave them away without a second thought." He shook his head and closed his eyes in a desperate attempt to hold back tears. Would this ever stop tearing his heart out? "At least we have this one," He opened his eyes and smiled softly, motioning toward her stomach. "We won't miss a minute of his life."

If Madden wasn't already dead, he would have murdered the bastard himself.

She looked down at her stomach and the small curve their son occupied. "I can't believe he's real. We're having a son."

"We were always going to have a son first." He winced as soon as the words left his lips. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want to say these things, reawaken these memories.

He'd planned to spend the rest of his life with her. He'd imagined just about every aspect of their life together.

It had taken him almost a year to stop imagining it.

"You saw us having kids?" Her voice was soft, and the words were almost a whisper. She flicked her eyes up to meet his.

What else had he seen for them?

He shook his head and blew out a shaky breath. "Erica, I..."

His pager buzzed wildly, cutting off whatever he was going to say.

He'd left within minutes, needing to be at the hospital for an emergency.

She should have taken it as a sign. Let the whole thing go.

Forget he'd said anything.

She sighed, throwing back her comforter. This was ridiculous. She had to know. Had to hear the words and share the visions with him.

See if they matched to her own.

She was out of bed and opening her door before she even realized what she was doing, what she was risking.

This was a door they should leave closed. She knew it. She believed it.

And yet she was currently knocking on his door.

He answered quickly, clearly unable to sleep himself. "Hey," He started with a smile. "Can't sleep?" He half asked, half said, stepping to the side and motioning her inside.

She stayed where she was, just outside the door frame. "You saw us having children," She pushed out in a soft whisper. "What else did you see?" She looked at him now, eyes locking with his.

He shook his head. He wouldn't do this. He couldn't. They shouldn't. "Erica..."

"What else, David? Tell me. Please."

They studied each other faces. Saw the apprehension. The nerves. The need, reflecting back at one another.

"I was planning to spend the rest of my life with you," He finally said, the words spilling out in a hard breath. "I saw the rest of our lives."

She swallowed and stepped closer to him, eyes unwilling to leave his "What did you see?"

Why was she doing this? Was she trying to break his all over again? "We would have gotten married in some far-off JP's office. Or in your living room. Didn't matter where. Leo and Bianca would have been our only guests."

She blinked, forcing away the tears that had been threatening for hours.

"We would have finally taken that trip to the rainforest. Carmen and Eduardo would have let us stay at their home, showing us the best Rio had to offer."

They both smiled at the thought, Erica nodding for him to continue.

"I figured we'd make our son in the rainforest or on the Fashionella's veranda."

They both forced out ragged breaths, minds wandering.

"Our daughter would have followed not long after." He could still vividly see their children in his mind. A boy who bore a striking resemblance to Josh and Alex and a little girl who was a fabulous blend of Bianca and Olivia.

"We would live in your old Victorian house, at least for a while. I always saw us buying some land, you know, out near the edge of town. You'd design your dream house. Something big enough for us, the kids and grandkids."

"You never..." She breathed, tears on he cheeks. He'd what? He'd told her he loved her. He saw them together for the rest of their lives. She was the one who didn't believe him. Who couldn't trust his feelings.

"We would have drove each other crazy," He acknowledged, eyes still locked with hers. "But we would have..."

The last of his words melted into her lips.

Done it forever. Forever.

She gripped fistfuls of his shirt and pressed her body into his, standing on her toes as she kissed him.

His brain screamed to stop. Run. Do anything but this. His heart and body betrayed him almost instantly as he lifted her into his arms and backed them into his room.

TBC