AN: Sorry this took so long. Its actually been really hard to write.
I've only just realized that it isn't just LDZ and Miranda they need to talk about. There is still so much left unsaid about their feelings for each other.
In some post D&D scenes, when Erica was around, I always picked up on a vibe. Jealousy, sure. But she always had this look...like maybe David and Dixie started a lot sooner than anyone thought. So I'm playing on that.
I didn't intend for this to be a three part chapter, but I need to do this properly.
I hope you enjoy.
Part II
This was the last thing they should be doing. They were both fully aware of what crossing this line meant.
But neither stopped.
Her hands in his hair, fingers tugging softly, seeming to keep rhythm with their lips.
Hard. Desperate. Needy.
Kissing her had always been his undoing. And this wasn't going to be any different.
Her next conscious thought was of her back against his mattress. This was her moment. Stop the madness. Move just a little to either side and break the spell.
Instead, she reached for him, pulling his lips back to her hers.
His body eased over hers, hands on her hips, fingers gripping her nightgown.
Her hands squeezed between their bodies, fingers making their way to the hem of his shirt.
Stop. They had to stop. They shouldn't do this.
He edged her night gown higher, one palm pressed against her thigh, while the other started its way up her body.
The barely there swell of her stomach, of their son between them, greeted his palm.
They both gasped into each other mouths, the reality of what they were doing hitting quickly.
He broke the kiss first. Lips tearing away from hers, slowly and painfully. His brain screamed how proud of him it was. His body and his heart reminded him it had been nine years since he'd kissed her, touched her, and he should never stop.
"We can't," He gritted out through clenched teeth. They couldn't.
She nodded and tipped her back against the mattress. "I know."
His forehead rested against her throat, as they both struggled to steady their bodies.
"I want to, too," She pushed out on a shaky breath.
He lifted his head and nodded, rolling off her . "I'll always want to."
She smiled to herself but didn't tell him the feeling was mutual. There was still too much temptation in the air, and she had to be careful what she said.
"Why didn't you ever say those things when we were together?"
He was still laying on his back and turned his head just enough so he could look at her. Into those gorgeous brown eyes of hers.
"Would it have made a difference? Every time we got close, every time I tried to tell you how I felt, you emotionally ran from me. Once you even physically left. And then you hired a gigolo to make me jealous."
She knew what he was referencing. She could vivid remember his words. She told him he didn't know what was in her heart and he had counter, how could he not know? He lived there. He'd gone on to tell her he could see himself waking up next to every day for the rest of his life.
She'd panicked, grabbed her purse, and walked out. She'd gone on to hire Paolo to make him jealous. Why? She still wasn't entirely sure.
His feelings for her terrified her. They always had. He'd fallen in love with her when she scarred. When she honestly believed she was hideous and unlovable. He'd seen her soul in her basement. All parts of it. And he hadn't run away terrified.
If he had stopped loving her, was she inherently unlovable?
"Ah, Paolo," She finally breathed, shaking her head. "That wasn't one of my finer decisions."
David nodded, eyes on the ceiling. There was still to much tension in the air to keep his eyes on her. "I don't think we ever really recovered from all of that."
Paolo. His murder. Protecting Leo. Vanessa. They had reunited in the aftermath, but looking back now, it was easy to see that they had never really recovered.
Erica nodded this time, eyes on his profile. "If it wasn't Alex, was it Dixie?"
"Was what Dixie?" He asked, eyes still on the ceiling.
She was quiet for a moment, trying to summon the nerve. "That you were having an affair with."
"What?" He half said, half exclaimed, shaking his head and finally turning onto his side.
Her eyes were cast down, away from him. She should have never asked. She should have kept quiet, never had it confirmed.
He tipped her chin up, making sure her eyes had to meet his. "There was never anyone else, Erica. I came out of your basement yours, and I wanted to be yours for the rest of our lives."
She blinked, tears stinging. Why hadn't she let herself give into his feelings? Why had she run?
Why didn't she want to run anymore?
"But Dixie..." Her voice shook as she struggled to process, to believe his words. "You moved on so quickly."
He studied her face and her looked into her gorgeous eyes. How had she never understood the depth of his feelings for her? How had he failed so completely in convincing of his feelings?
"Dixie was a distraction. She kept me from thinking about losing you. Chasing her kept my mind and heart busy, made it so I didn't have to deal with the fact that I didn't have you anymore."
He watched her eyes slip close, shaky breaths peeling from between her lips. Had she really believed he was cheating? That he would have ever chosen Dixie over her.
"That day in my office, I tried to get you back. I wanted you back. That day at the Valley Inn, when we had breakfast. I told you I didn't think we were finished yet. In my suite, you asked me to love you, and I was going to for the rest of my life if you'd let me. Even that day in the Valley Inn, before you drank that soda, I was going to drive you home."
Her eyes fluttered open and stared back at him. "What were you going to do with soda, I mean, when we left?"
He shrugged. "That didn't matter. It was another chance to spend time with you, to try to convince you. To Hell with the rest of it. It was you. It was always you."
Her smile was soft as an errant tear finally fell. "The first time you told me I was beautiful was in my basement, after you'd bathed my face..."She paused at the memory. "And you meant it. I could see it your eyes. You'd just seen me at my physical, emotional, and mental worst, and you were still falling for me. I always thought, I mean every man leaves me, when you inevitably left me, what did that mean? Was I inherently unlovable? I had to leave you first, because at least then I would never know the answer."
She finished on a hard rush of air. The words burning up her throat. She had only recently come to understand why she had acted how she had, and admitting everything out loud was more unbearable than she thought it would be.
"I wasn't going to leave you," He said again.
"They all said that, and they all left," She reminded him. "You were self destructing, David. The things you did for her. Bianca was on that boat."
This had been a long time coming, and as much as he wanted to stop it, change the subject, he knew they had to address it.
TBC
