A/N: The second part of this story, which has now extended far past October.


Deeks said yes. As much as he didn't want to, his conscience wouldn't let him decline. His decision was helped along by the fact that the operation the FBI and NCIS had put together was actually sound. He almost wished it wasn't; it would have given him the excuse he needed to turn them down.

After giving his consent, everything happened very quickly. The operation was ready to go within three days, which gave him little time to prepare.

Telling Kensi and Rosa had been the most difficult part by far. Naturally, neither of them was happy with his decision. Kensi was especially upset with him, which he understood completely. He hated himself a little bit too.

The night before he was expected to leave, Rosa took the day off classes so they could all spend the day together as a family. In a way it felt like a harbinger of some sort.

Deeks had spent the previous two days holed up with Vance, the FBI director and several agents to review his cover and all the details of the operation. Vance had sent him home last night at around midnight, with a grave look, a handshake, and an "order" to enjoy today with his family.

They bundled everyone up and spent the morning at the beach (Kensi's idea), and took a walk around the park before heading home for an early dinner. It was the perfect day, but Deeks felt the entire evening was overlaid with a sense of dread.

Now, Deeks finished packing what he would need as Max. The operation was designed to be short, so he had a few changes of clothes, Max's leather jacket, and unmarked weapons. Kensi sat on their bed watching him, the twins laid in the center playing with cloth toys.

"I still don't like this," she said softly. Outside of her initial reaction when he told her, she'd kept her opinions to herself. Oh, it was obvious how she felt from her tight jaw and the little lines around her eyes that seemed a constant the last two days. "When you told me about this operation, what the FBI wanted you to do, I didn't think you'd actually accept."

"I know. I didn't either," Deeks admitted.

"Then why did you?" Kensi demanded, confusion and pain slipping into her voice. Guilt and dread at the knowledge that he was the reason for her stress ran through him.

"They told me how many people they suspect are being trafficked in this ring. It's hundreds, Kens." He turned slightly, flicking a gaze at Kensi. Her hands were clenched atop her thighs, as though barely controlling some response she didn't want him to see. "They showed me pictures of a few they managed to rescue. Little girls, and women barely older than Rosa." His voice cracked on the last word, and Kensi made a soft, choked sound. "That's why I had to."

He heard the rustle of the quilt as Kensi climbed off; felt her stop directly behind him.

"Baby, we got out so we wouldn't be pulled into situations like this. It makes me sick too, but we have an obligation to your children first," she said pleadingly. "As selfish as that sounds."

He didn't say anything in response, knowing he wouldn't be able to control himself if he did, but his hands shook as he tugged at the zipper on his duffel bag.

"If I were in your place, you would be so angry," Kensi continued when he stayed silent. "You would be reminding how much you need me, how we only just stopped living in constant fear of dying on any given day. You wouldn't want me to go."

"I know—I know that Kensi, and I know I am the worst hypocrite for doing this. I'm so sorry," he said. Kensi let out a small sob, her arms suddenly grasping at his back, coming up around his stomach and chest. He grabbed her hand desperately, clinging to it.

"I'm so mad at you," she whispered hoarsely. "But that doesn't mean I love you any less, and I need you to come back to us ok. I need you to be as careful as you can because I won't be there to watch your back."

"I will," he promised, turning so he could see Kensi. He thumbed away the tears trailing down her cheeks, his throat tightening. Cupping his jaws between her palms, she tilted her chin up to kiss him, and then he couldn't keep his tears back any longer.

"I love you," Kensi whispered, slipping her hands down his neck and rubbed up and down his back.

"I love you too," he murmured back. When they finally parted, he cleared his throat, futilely wiping at his eyes, and crossed over to the bed.

Caleb dropped a soft cube when Deeks leaned over to pick him up, babbling softly as he reached out with his chubby little hands. Deeks gathered him against his chest, picking Sophia up in the other hand.

"Hey, daddy loves you so much," he said, speaking just to them. I'm going to be gone for a little bit, and I'm gonna miss you, but I'll be back before you know. Mommy and sister will keep you so busy, you probably won't even notice."

Even though they couldn't possibly understand him, they seemed to respond to the tone of his voice. Caleb hugged the side of Deeks' head while Sophia burrowed into his chest. Kissing each of their heads, he allowed himself a few more seconds to breathe in their innocent baby smell, and then nodded to Kensi, who was struggling to keep her tears back again.

Together, they walked into the living room, where Rosa waited. She had a book open on the coffee table, but Deeks could tell she hadn't actually been reading. She jumped up as they walked in, eyes darting over their faces, the duffel bag Kensi had brought from their room, the twins snuggled in his arms.

Without a word, she darted forward, hugging Deeks as best she could with his arms full.

"Please be careful," she said. "I can't lose another father."

"Everything's gonna be ok," he assured Rosa, even though he didn't fully believe it himself. "But just in case, I'm so proud of you and I love you."

"Love you, Marty."

Kensi joined the hug, squeezing between them. It was over far too fast, and they moved apart, each sniffling as Deeks passed the twins back to Kensi and Rosa, and took his duffel bag.

He cast a final look over his family, the place they called home before he stepped out of the door.


A/N: I might have made this overly dramatic, but writing it made me cry. Enjoy the extreme angst! The actual whump part will come eventually.