Kensi kept it together for the first week; Deeks was always on her mind, but balancing everything on her own took up most of her energy. By the second week, her concern started to increase, along with the stress of taking care of the twins full time, trying to calm them when they clearly wanted missed his presence. The third week, Kensi started making calls.
She was stonewalled at every turn though. Her contacts within various agencies were silent and Vance certainly wasn't talking. Being left in the dark and the lack of power she felt was not only maddening, but terrifying. She truly had no way to contact Deeks or check on him.
Three weeks and three days after Deeks left, Kensi woke from a restless sleep to a cold and empty bed, the room still dark. The twins hadn't slept well, which meant she was exhausted, but knew she wouldn't be fall back asleep again, so she dragged herself out of bed. She showered on autopilot, then headed for the twins' room, feeling marginally more awake.
"Hey sweetie," she said, leaning down into Caleb's crib. He had already sat up, and gave Kensi a gummy smile, reaching for her. Picking him up, she settled him in one arm, and kissed the top of his short blonde curls. "C'mon, let's go get your sister."
Caleb babbled agreeably and pointed to Sophia's crib.
Once they were both fed and dressed, she walked to their local park. They spent a couple hours swinging and taking turns on the baby slides, until Caleb and Sophia started getting antsy. By the time she got them home, they both were distinctly antsy, and no amount of nursing, peek-a-boo, or attempts to rock them to sleep would calm them.
"I don't know what to do for you, sweetie," Kensi said helplessly as Sophia whimpered softly. As she watched, Sophia scooted along the floor, pulling herself up on the couch cushions. With a sad look in Kensi's direction, she pressed her face into the spot where Deeks normally sat.
"Oh, I miss him too. Daddy's going to be back soon."
At the word "daddy", Caleb perked up, looking expectantly towards the door. It broke Kensi's heart. She knew they loved and needed her, but that didn't erase their need for Deeks. Even if they couldn't voice their feelings, she could tell how badly they missed him. It was obvious in the way they watched for him to come into the room, when she couldn't settle them at night, or in the motorboat noise they tried to mimic during bath time.
Finally, deciding she'd had enough, Kensi bundled the twins into the van. When Sam opened his front door to find her on his doorstep half an hour later, he seemed more surprised than concerned.
"Kensi, I didn't—"
"I need you to help me find out where Deeks is," she interrupted pushing past him with a twin in each arm.
Sam wordlessly followed her into his den, and she felt his eyes on her as she set Caleb and Sophia on the floor. They'd been to his house often enough that they immediately started exploring the room.
"Kensi, I know you're worried, but I'm not even supposed to know that he's undercover," he said once Kensi had turned around. She expected as much. Each of the team had visited over the past few weeks, and one way or another, they'd figured out the reason behind Deeks' absence.
"I don't really care," she replied. "Deeks was supposed to be under for a week at most, but no one will tell me anything because it's such a covert operation and I no longer have privileged access." She said the last two words bitterly. "Vance is being cagey about answering my questions, because of the damn FBI director, but I know something is wrong."
"Kensi, you know what it's like when you're undercover. You've been in this kind of situation yourself many times in the past. Things change quick and you don't always have a chance to notify your contact. Deeks can handle himself."
Kensi shot Sam an annoyed, unimpressed glare, pacing across the room with her arms tightly folded over her chest. Picking up on her mood, Caleb reached over and roughly patted her ankle. Managing a smile, Kensi swings him up into her arms, and he snuggled against her chest. Not to be outdone, Sophia scrambled across the floor, tugging at Sam's pants until he picked her up too.
"I haven't been out so long I've forgotten." Kensi said. She shook her head. "No, something's wrong. I can feel it." Pressing her fist to the center of her chest, she willed Sam to understand. It was on the tip of her tongue to mention how angry and on edge he'd been when Michelle was undercover as Quinn, but that would be too cruel.
Sam stilled, his eyes taking on a sad, distant tinge. He glanced down at Sophia, who was slowly monkeying her way up his shoulder. With a grim sigh, he nodded. "Alright, let's go talk to Kilbride."
