Chapter Thirty-Three: Stefanie Salvatore

Present day

Outskirts of Albemarle, NC

For the first time in as long as she could remember, Stef didn't like being alone. But there was no escaping the shower she needed. From her bedroom she had been able to focus on her friends' voices downstairs – Phoenix finally teaching Flick about heightened hearing, Raid still not letting go of his curiosity, and Zara refusing to disclose to him what act Stef had performed on herself – but now, with the noise of the running water, all of that was blocked out.

She washed her hair as quickly as possible, feeling the remnants of dust and dirt beneath her fingertips, but she went over it a second time... then a third time... still not feeling clean of everything that had happened yesterday. Whenever she closed her eyes, she could see it. It was while she was alone that the memories started coming back. What was once hazy became clear. Yesterday was no longer the dream she tried to pretend it to be. Everything that had happened was real.

She saw herself both in the crowd and on the scaffold. She was both the saviour and being saved. She was both the killer and the innocent victim. She was the collision of the present and the past. It was something she had been destined to do, but that didn't make it any easier.

The witches needed redemption for their sins, that's what Winifred had said. The execution needed to be stopped. But, until now, Stef had never killed before. The power she unleashed had killed so many. Men. Women. Children. She even knew the name of one of the children: Cecily. She didn't know how she knew, she just knew. She knew the girl was important to her, but she didn't know why.

Stef scrubbed roughly at her hands. The hands that had touched the talisman. All this to save one life. Would Sorcha have wanted this? So many deaths in exchange for her life? Stef couldn't imagine wanting that for herself. But it wasn't just herself, was it? It wasn't just Sorcha's execution. They had already executed Lana.

Lana. Lana. Lana. Who was she? What did she feel for her? She couldn't remember. Why would she remember? She wasn't Sorcha.

The moment Stef turned and put her face under the shower spray, she felt like she was being plunged underwater. Murky. Cold. Green. The reflection of trees. A river. She jolted back, her heart hammering. She wasn't being held down, but it had felt like she was. Her old fear came creeping back. She was a child again, refusing baths, scooting down in her seat whenever her parents drove past a lake, being picked up to avoid large rain puddles. No, it had been too long, she was over this. She refused to fear water again. She turned the heat up on the shower and put her face back under.

It was too hot. She should have felt her skin burn, but her lungs burned instead. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't breathe.

A hand held hers.

Stef yanked herself away forcefully, her back hitting the opposite tiles, away from the shower head. There was no hand. She could breathe. She was safe. But Sorcha hadn't been. She knew Sorcha had felt this. This is where it had come from. Her fear was Sorcha's fear. The hand was Lana's hand. It must have been. Soft, small, feminine. She had saved Sorcha, but Sorcha hadn't saved Lana.

Who was Lana? Who was she? Had Sorcha loved her? Loved her like she loved Zaif? Loved her like Stef loved Raid?

Stef's back slid down the tiles. She was sinking to the floor, her hands going to her face.

She needed voices. She needed others. She needed Raid. She was supposed to be protecting him, but right now she needed his protection. Protection from the water. Protection from the memories. The memories of fear, loss, and death, both her own and Sorcha's. She wanted to leave the bathroom, to be near him again, but she couldn't move. She felt clean here.

The bathroom door was opening.

"So this is, like, the steamiest bathroom ever," came Flick's voice, approaching her hidden behind the large towel she had spread open in front of her. "You trying to open your pores or burn them off altogether?"

Stef gratefully accepted the towel that Flick draped over her. "I couldn't breathe," she muttered quietly.

"I'm not surprised, it's like a sauna in here." Flick folded the short sleeve of her blouse up over her shoulder and leaned in, trying her best to dodge the heat from the flow of water as she turned off the shower.

Flick was possibly the second best person to enter the bathroom with her. The teenager who was able to run from and shrug off everything bad that had ever happened to her. Stef needed that kind of inspiration right now. "What made you come in?" Stef added, wrapping the towel around herself fully as she got to her feet. Not that the reason mattered, she just needed to keep the conversation going. It was helping her tremendously.

"Raid said you needed help," Flick replied, inspecting some dampness from the spray that had hit her long blonde hair. She scowled at it like it was slime rather than water that could be easily dried.

"Raid?" Stef was wrong: the reason did matter.

"Yeah, he's right outside," she said, pushing the hair back behind her ear. Then she turned her head towards the bathroom door. "Raid! You can come in now!"

"Come in?!" Stef hissed disapprovingly, batting Flick on the shoulder. Flick didn't react and she couldn't protest any further on the matter as Raid was inside in an instant. Stef adjusted the towel, covering as much of herself as possible, though grasping the top of it tightly within her hands was only amplifying her cleavage.

Oblivious to cleavage, towel or semi-naked state, Raid went straight to Stef and wrapped his arms around her. She couldn't do the same back since she was still clinging onto the towel tightly, not that Raid seemed to mind as he pressed her wet head to his chest, her hair soaking his t-shirt. Peeking over his arms, Stef knitted her brows at Flick.

Flick shrugged. "He said he felt your powers... reaching out to him." She said the final words dramatically with an eye roll.

Stef pulled back, looking up at him curiously. "You did?" She hadn't realized she had used her magic to call him to her.

"You push, I pull," he said, his eyes scanning her face, returning her weak smile.

"Okay, I have no idea what that means," Flick said, flipping her hands in the air, starting to walk towards the door, "but since you're fine, I'm going to get back to Phoenix. I mean, I know I already kind of met him before, but he is, like, the funniest guy ever. I totally get why you lost your virginity to him, Stef."

Stef's eyes went as wide as Raid's eyebrows did high. Saving big-mouthed Flick may have been a mistake. Raid's eyes went from Flick, back to Stef, and did some surprisingly rapid blinking.

"Phoenix? Really?" he griped, as Stef cringed at the reminder.

And, like the god of embarrassment hadn't already had enough fun, approaching outside was the sound of Phoenix. He passed Flick, asking her if Stef was okay, and popped his head over the bathroom doorframe. "All good in here?"

Raid whipped his head towards Phoenix. "You slept with Stef?" he snapped, holding her a little tighter now in his presence.

Phoenix rasped air through his lips dismissively. "That was, what, two years ago? A summer back from Oxford. No big deal. I mean, it was great, but kind of awkward afterwards. We're much better off as friends." His eyes went to Stef, grinning. "Why? You still thinking about it?"

Stef's arm stretched out over Raid's, straight to the vanity table, grabbing a bar of soap from the nearby sink, and threw it at Phoenix. He recoiled behind the doorframe, dodging it, then returned with an even bigger grin. "You are!"

"I will pound you into the ground!" Stef snarled.

Phoenix flicked his eyebrows up at her. "You already did." Then swiftly and wisely disappeared as Stef grappled in Raid's arms, undecided whether to keep her dignity intact with the towel or follow through with her threat.

Phoenix now gone, Stef pushed out of Raid's arms, her embarrassment at an all time high. "I need to get dressed. I've been exposed in more ways than one, so spare me any lectures on your way out. This isn't the first stupid mistake I've made."

Raid sighed as Stef avoided his gaze, crossing her arms protectively. Was that really how she thought he was going to react? It was a shock but he never meant to make her feel bad about it. He stood in front of her, shaking his head, his tone now gentle. "Stef, why are you so hard on yourself?" He lifted her chin when she still didn't look at him. "Sleeping with Cristian would have been a stupid mistake, not Phoenix. Do you really regret your first time with him? Because if he was that bad at it, I could always pound him into the ground for you." He smiled. He would secretly like that opportunity, but not at the expense of her first time being awful.

Stef laughed, then looked down sheepishly. She was glad he wasn't ridiculing her. He was right, the experience could have been far worse with someone different. But there hadn't been the kind of passion she'd always wanted to experience. Still hadn't experienced. Because she certainly wasn't about to admit to Raid that Phoenix was her first and only time. In fact the closest she'd ever felt to feeling that kind of passion was... parking lot, feeding, orgasm, no, no, no... not thinking about that. "It wasn't bad. Just... fine."

Raid was relieved. Feeling a little selfish for it, but still relieved. He could live with 'fine'. Fine wasn't terrible. Fine wasn't earthshattering. Fine was fine. But still...

He leaned in, whispering into her ear, "You deserve much better than 'fine'."

Damn devil on a pogo stick, Stef felt like she was going to melt at his words.

Parking lot, feeding, orgasm.

Why the hell was that so prominent in her mind today? It was so long ago. It shouldn't be stirring up feelings like it was only yesterday.

The way Raid continued to stare down at her, Stef almost lost her voice. "I... I need... I still need to get dressed."

"Sure," Raid said, taking a moment to remove his eyes from her. He took a breath before turning towards the door. "I'll leave you to it."

"No!" The reaction just slipped out.

Of course there was instant confusion. Stef had just told Raid to stay when Step One in getting dressed was going to be removing her towel. But she just didn't want to be alone again. Stef ushered him out into her adjoining bedroom and stood him facing the door.

"Do you think you could stay but just... face that way?" she asked. "I kind of have some bad memories about yesterday and I'd rather not be alone."

Continuing to face the bedroom door as requested, Raid drew his hand in front of him, covering the small bitemarks with his other hand. Had she noticed? Had she remembered? "What kind of memories?"

Stef opened up her dresser, keeping the towel wrapped around her as she slipped on some panties. "Seeing so much death. Lyle. The witches. Knowing I caused it all."

"You didn't cause it," Raid said firmly. He heard Stef drop the towel to the ground and his mouth suddenly went dry. He had to stop thinking of her naked behind him if he had any chance of speaking again. He cleared his throat. "Cristian killed Lyle. Zaif killed the witches. If anything, it should be me feeling guilty since I was once him."

Stef was clasping up her bra. "But you don't?"

"No," Raid answered with the realization that he and Zaif were more alike that he thought. "He was saving the woman he loved. I would kill thousands to save the woman I loved."

Clumsily distracted by that declaration, Stef slammed the dresser drawer closed on her finger. "Ouch!"

"Stef?" Raid turned, without thinking, at the sound of her in pain.

Stef had already used her vampire speed to hide behind him. "You looked!"

Raid, keeping his eyes focused on the empty bedroom in front of him, stumbled on his words, his mouth hanging open. "You were hurt!"

Stef raised herself onto her toes, putting her hands on his shoulders, and leaned close to his ear. "What did you see?" she demanded.

He hadn't seen a damn thing, but her breasts were brushing against his back in what felt to be a lacy bra, and now his cock was waging war against his fly's zipper and draining all the blood, logic and verbal fluency from his brain in order to win it. Why did Gabe not keep a single pair of jeans in this house? There was no hiding this.

"Well?" Stef was getting impatient.

"I saw..." Raid smirked, "nipple tassels?" While it was meant to be a joke, the thought of Stef in nipple tassels actually wasn't helping.

"Very funny," she quipped.

Suddenly the door opened and Gabe, who had finally ventured fully dressed from his room after an hour with Winifred, declared, "Stef, I've got a bone to pick with you!" He stopped. A brief flash of Stef's ass in lacy white underwear met his eyes before she swiftly spun Raid around, now hiding behind him. The new view was no better. Gabe's eyes immediately went to the enormous tent in Raid's pants, his face set in a fixed, tense expression that could have either indicated distaste or jealousy. Finally he snapped, "For fuck's sake!" and left, another door receiving one of his now infamous slams.

As soon as Stef laughed, so did Raid. Luckily the sight of Gabe was enough to flatten the offending tent, leaving Stef none the wiser at what else had sent Gabe into a flurry after she'd hidden.

Unfortunately, Gabe was still in a confrontational mood by the time Stef had gotten dressed and they both made their way downstairs.

Gabe thrust an accusing finger in Raid's direction before he even had time to step into the living area. "Her father's going to kill you for sleeping with her, and then kill me for seeing his daughter in her underwear." Winifred stood by, her hand going gently to his, lowering it, trying to get him to calm down.

"Nothing happened," Stef protested, "and even if it had, we're all adults, my father's not killing anybody."

Gabe's eyebrows shot up. "Have you met your father? When you were five, you innocently said you were going to marry me one day, and your father carved my name into the biggest stake he owned just in case!"

"Oh, that's what that was?" Stef gushed, remembering. "The one with the nails hammered into it?"

Gabe's face whitened. "There are nails in it now?"

"Well, I might have also told him you were cute when I was twelve," Stef admitted sheepishly.

Gabe threw his hands in the air, exasperated, then pointed back at Raid. "I hope you know what you're letting yourself in for," he warned, heading with Winifred to join Zara and Adam on the couches.

Before Raid could answer, Zara cut in with, "Maybe we should figure out what we're letting ourselves in for later today? The meeting with the two Councils? Ring a bell?"

"Is the Coven going to be there?" Adam asked Winifred.

"I suspect they will," she replied.

"Nuh-uh, too dangerous," Phoenix declared, coming up behind the couch where Zara and Adam were sitting. "I don't trust they won't start something. Raid won't walk out of that meeting alive."

"He will if I cast the protection spell," Stef pointed out. "I just need to go out and find someone to feed on first."

Raid's eyes shot in her direction. That was a requirement of the spell? He had overheard she would need blood, but she had to feed on them directly? Feed on someone else? Make them feel the same way he felt when she fed on him? Absolutely not. Not happening. "You can feed on me," he told her.

His words triggered an inexplicable all too recent craving and Stef felt her face immediately transition. She turned away, placing her hands over her face. What was happening to her? She didn't react this way to blood. Yes, she wanted it now. Yes, she'd wanted it earlier when she kept remembering the first time she'd fed on him. But she never had cravings like this, not even on those rare times she was yearning for a blood bag.

"Whoa," Phoenix exclaimed, heading towards Stef, trying to get a glimpse of her face. "Did you just get a facial hard-on?" Lifting back her still-damp hair that she was deliberately using to cover her face, Phoenix noticed the veins around her eyes that she hadn't managed to fully hide with her hands. He laughed excitedly and slapped her on the back. "Finally! How does it feel to be like the rest of us blood addicts?"

"I hate it! I don't know why I reacted this way!" she snapped at him, the transition clearing.

"Well, you didn't react that way when you said you were going to feed on just anyone," Phoenix teased. "Looks like you have a craving specifically for Raid's blood."

"I'm not going to feed on him!" Stef insisted.

"Yes, you are," Raid interjected.

His determination wasn't helping Stef's face to remain transition-free. She struggled against it once again. "No, I'm not." She couldn't feel that way with him again. She wanted to, but she couldn't. She didn't just want his blood, she wanted all of him. Feeding on him would only amplify her feelings for him. It was a terrible idea. "I'm finding someone else."

Raid clenched his hands into fists. He was going to have to tell her. "You already fed on me."

"A long time ago," Stef stated. "I'm aware of that."

"Last night."

There was a brief silence. The only sound in the room came from Gabe sucking air through his teeth while he shook his head in disappointment.

Stef looked at Raid suspiciously through narrowed eyes. "Last night?" Surely he was just saying that to stop her from finding someone else. She didn't remember much from last night, but she would have remembered feeding on him.

She woke up in his arms this morning.

She'd had a dream about him.

A pleasurable one.

Skin against skin. Hands stroking each other. Kissing each other.

Stef's breaths deepened. It wasn't a dream. It wasn't even reality. It was the result of feeding on him. She stepped forward, not caring that he flinched as she got closer, looking him over, trying to find evidence of the bite marks. She didn't need to look for long. He held out his hand for her to take. Two red marks, one near the web of his thumb, the other further up. She dropped his hand. She suddenly remembered. "You told me to do this to you."

"Yes," he admitted, his tone apologetic but not regretful. "You needed it, I gave it to you."

Her lips tensed together and she avoided his eyes. He knew exactly what feeding did to her and yet he offered himself to her when she was barely coherent enough to agree to it? She didn't even know how to process this. She avoided feeding on others for exactly this reason. It was her choice to make, not his. Would she ever do such a thing to him under the same circumstances?

Then she realized she had.

She had compelled him against his will.

She had fed on him for the first time without his permission.

She kept taking from him, and yet he still kept giving.

Perhaps it didn't make it right, but she immediately understood. Yes, without question, she would have done the exact same thing in his position.

She looked up at him, his fear turning into relief as her expression softened, then turned into surprise as she uttered, "Thank you." She then backed away, trying to bottle up the emotions of this new intimacy between them, her manner becoming more pragmatic. "Well, that explains the cravings," she said flatly, looking towards Phoenix. "But blood from the hand won't be enough for the spell."

"No pulse, no abracadabra," Phoenix explained to Raid.

"I still need to feed." Stef looked at Raid. She wished it could be him, she really did. But if this meeting ended badly, she would need to keep doing this every day for as long as he lived to keep him protected. If she fed on him now, it would only make her feel worse when the time came to feed on someone else. She had to bite the bullet and get it over with. So she added the final words with unwavering determination. "On someone else."