Chapter 2: NYADA
The bus hits a pothole and Rachel bounces lightly in her seat. Grinning, she glances to her left. Kurt is looking past her and out the window, his eyes taking in the sights that'll soon be familiar to them. It's her first day of college. College. She made it. She's here. Rachel finds it amusing that she's taking the bus to school. It may be a city bus and not a school bus, but it still amuses her. She hasn't ridden a bus to school since the eighth grade. In high school, someone always drove her. When NYADA comes into view, they eagerly step off the bus and start walking down the street to the main campus entrance. Already, the sidewalk is crowded with people who completely ignore them. Rachel has quickly discovered that New Yorkers are blind to other people walking on the sidewalk with them. They just don't care. She and Yero barely get a backward glance from other pedestrians. They blend in with the crowd. She loves it.
A few days ago they'd attended orientation together. Rachel insisted that since Kurt will be a student here at some point soon, it makes sense for him to attend orientation with her. Thinking back, she shakes her head at how ridiculous her friends were. They'd wanted to go with her. Since her mom had her own back to school meetings she couldn't miss, Scott offered to come and fill in the role of parent. Even her mom offered to skip her mandatory meetings to be there for her. Rachel turned them both down. Parents are not required to attend and Rachel felt that their presence was unnecessary. A small part of her worried that if either of them came, she'd have a hard time saying goodbye again so soon. In their stead, her friends offered to dress up older and pretend to be her parents. As amusing as the whole conversation was, especially when Santana and Noah started acting it out, Rachel shut them down fast. She ignored the arguments that since it's a drama school things like this should be embraced. She insisted she just wanted Kurt with her. She's already going to be getting extra attention thanks to Yero's presence. The last thing she wants is to make a spectacle of herself…..if she's not performing.
At orientation, Rachel had met some of her new classmates, she'd been shown where everything is by a guide, was given a map and her schedule, and had the opportunity to ask questions. When asked, Kurt just said he's Rachel's brother and there since he'll be a student one day. He simply neglected to specify when. What amused Kurt and Rachel was how many of her new classmates were acting more arrogant than Rachel on her worst days. While they giggled, it did make Rachel a little worried. What if they're that arrogant because they're better than her? She's used to being the best, but that was in a middle-of-nowhere town in Ohio. This is New York. This university accepts students from all across the country. What if she's not the best anymore? It left her a little shaken. It didn't take Kurt long to realize this and he spent the rest of the day calming her down and reassuring her, with help from the others and a phone call from her mom. It also helped to remember the praise she got from Madame Tibideaux after her audition.
Just as they did at orientation, the siblings take in the pretty campus as they walk. Rachel's very first class is an acting class, so Kurt walks her to the correct building. Before entering, they allow Yero to run around a small clearing. Rachel purposely came early for this reason. With his excess energy out, they continue on. At the door, Kurt kisses her cheek and reminds her that he'll be back to meet her for lunch. Although Rachel considers it highly unnecessary, he also reminds her to call or text if she gets an attack or needs to come home early for any reason. With her stylish new bag thrown over her shoulder and Yero's leash wrapped around her hand, Rachel lifts her head confidently and enters the building.
"Cute."
Startled and uncertain if the compliment is directed at her or not, Rachel keeps walking but turns her head in the direction of the voice. Just inside the doors is a handsome guy grinning at her. She decides to place her bet on the safe side.
"The dog?"
"The dog, sure, but I actually meant the kiss."
Rachel can't help but laugh. "It's not what you think."
"Well, I think that guy looked far too stylish to be straight. But I could be wrong."
Shaking her head lightly in amusement, she slows her pace while answering him. She does not want to risk being late to her first class, so she doesn't stop walking entirely. "You're not wrong. He's gay. And taken, in case you were wondering."
The brown haired boy falls into step beside her. "I wasn't. So, if he's gay but he walked you to the door and kissed your cheek, who is he?"
"My brother."
"Wow. I don't have that kind of relationship with my siblings."
"That's a shame. My brother and I are really close."
"Are you two twins?"
"No." She can't keep the grin off her face. This whole conversation is too amusing to her. "He's a little older than me. But I jumped ahead a year, so we've actually been in the same grade since middle school."
"So cute, talented, and smart? Nice." He winks at her.
She raises a challenging eyebrow. "I thought you said the dog was cute. And the kiss."
"Yup. I did." He smirks and changes topics. "So, I don't recognize you. And I would definitely remember you." His eyes rake over her. "I take it you're a freshman?"
While she is amused and a little flattered, Rachel is also a little uncomfortable. No one but Finn has flirted with her in years. She doesn't want anyone but Finn to flirt with her. She reverts to smiling politely. "I am. What about you?"
"A junior. My classroom is upstairs. Are you heading up?"
They've reached the bottom of a staircase. "I am. Second floor."
She looks around and spots an elevator. Thank God. It's not needed now, but it's good to know it's there. They start up. Out of habit, Rachel keeps one hand on the railing at all times. Yero walks between her and this boy.
"I'm Brody, by the way. Brody Weston."
He offers his hand. She shakes it a little awkwardly with her left hand, refusing to let go of the railing with her right hand. He notices and frowns slightly. She ignores it and introduces herself. "It's nice to meet you, Brody. I'm Rachel Berry."
"So…." His tone changes and Rachel braces herself. She's surprised he held out this long. "Not to be….crass…but I overheard a couple professors talking about a special case student enrolling. I guess that's you?"
Special case? She frowns. "I guess."
"Hey, sorry. I didn't mean to offend you." He seems genuine. That or he's a fabulous actor. Considering where they are, either is possible. "They weren't saying it in a bad way. They were just surprised. NYADA doesn't accept anything less than the best, and you…." He trails off awkwardly. "…..I honestly have no way of finishing that sentence without coming across as insulting."
She grins slightly, embarrassed yet oddly charmed by his honesty. "It's alright. I'm fairly used to it. And there's a good chance that at some point this semester something will happen that'll be impossible to hide. I wouldn't be able to pretend I'm normal even if I didn't have a service animal with me at all times."
"Well, if it makes you feel any better, no one here is normal. In a good way. We're here because we're the best of the best." He puffs out his chest.
"So modest." She teases.
He shrugs with faux humility. "I do my best." She laughs and his shoulders relax, making her think he really did feel bad and was trying to put her at ease. Then he steps closer and lowers his voice. "So…..something impossible to hide?"
"Yeah." She doesn't explain further. He takes the hint and backs off.
"I really am sorry, Rachel. I meant no disrespect but I'm pretty sure I put my foot in my mouth. I think it'd be best if I leave it here before I get myself in more trouble." He bows and slowly backs away. "Welcome to NYADA." He turns in the opposite direction for just a moment before spinning back to face her. "Oh, and in case you were wondering, which you were, I'm straight."
Rachel shakes her head without responding and enters her classroom. Inside is a bunch of chairs with a few tables scattered around. Conversations grind to an awkward halt when she walks in with Yero beside her. It's so weird. At McKinley, basically everyone knew she was sick and were used to Yero. Here, she's an unknown and Yero's presence is a shock. Head up and face calm, Rachel takes a seat near the door. She settles in a seat, places her bag at her feet, scratches Yero's head, and sits back. Too curious about their new environment, Yero sits rather than lays down and peers around. She does her best to ignore the looks she and Yero get with every new student who enters the room. Some give curious looks. Some blatantly stare. A few surprise Rachel by scowling and/or turning up their noses.
Well, this'll be fun. She sighs.
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Her first two classes went alright but were annoying. People stared, whispered, made rude comments, or flat out ignored her. That's the main thing. Other than Brody, no one has bothered to actually talk to her or get to know her. She's being avoided. Over lunch with Kurt, she vented about it. Kurt had been amused by her conversation with Brody and irritated when she described some of the reactions to Yero. She had one more short class, then dance class. She's both dreading and looking forward to dance class. No one has pushed her physically in…years. That realization made her heart sink. Will she be able to keep up with her peers? It'll be horribly embarrassing if she can't. She has zero doubt she can hold her own in singing classes and even acting classes. But dance? It's been too long. Everyone made her go easy and back off the bigger, more challenging routines. She knows her dance instructor has been made aware of her condition and isn't allowed to push her too hard. Still, Rachel's heart thuds in her chest as she walks into the room. It's large and open and has mirrors on two walls, with windows on the third wall. By now, she's already used to the looks Yero gets. Rachel sets her bag down on the bench under the window, in the corner. She'll have Yero sit there to be out of the way. Looking around, she wishes she'd listened to Kurt and Santana and skipped the pink tutu. Brittany gave her full support of it, but that's Brittany. Suddenly self conscious, she fears she looks childish. No one else is wearing a tutu or even anything pink. All black or other dark/neutral colors.
"Why is there a dog here? I'm allergic." A girl whines. Rachel frowns.
"He'll stay out of your way. And I bathe him with a special shampoo that helps with dander. He's never caused an allergic reaction in any of my classmates in the past." She explains calmly.
"Well I don't like it." The tall girl crosses her arms.
"Relax, Jen. It's not like you can even pet him. He's a service dog." Another girl chimes in.
"More reason for him to not be here." Tall girl snaps.
"Well, he needs to be here." Rachel says. "Otherwise I can't be."
"That was my point." The tall blonde sneers before walking away.
Rachel stares after her and swallows hard. No one else comes near her. Eyes constantly jump to her and Yero, but no one approaches. Already, she's done with this day. This wasn't how she wanted her first day to go. She'd been so excited! At no point did she think her classmates would give her such a hard time because of Fiyero. She sits and pets Yero to calm herself. After a few minutes, a woman she recognizes enters the room. A beautiful blonde woman. Rachel remembers her from her audition, but doesn't recall if she ever heard the woman's name. She's relieved when the instructor gets them up and dancing immediately. Anything to break this awkward barrier between her and her peers.
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"Welcome to NYADA. This is Dance 101, my name's Cassandra July, and if you are not suffering from severe body dysmorphia then you don't want it enough."
Cassie keeps her eyes roving around the room, monitoring her newest batch of students dancing around her. She does her best not to focus on Rachel Berry. After many conversations with her friend April Rhodes, she decided to treat Rachel the same way she would have if she didn't know anything about her life and struggles. It'll be hard, but she decided it's for the best.
"Let's get this straight, freshmen. There's maybe two of you in this room that are good enough to make it in this business." Her eyes briefly follow Rachel. She has to work to hold back a frown at the sweat beading on her forehead already. She thinks the girl is breathing a little hard, as well. Cassie shakes off thoughts of how she can give the girl a break without being obvious…..or nice. She is not known for being nice. "As for the rest of you, thank you for paying my rent on my loft in SoHo." She spots a slightly chubby girl and gets her attention. "Hey. What's your name? Muffin Top?"
Startled, the girl frowns and answers while continuing to dance. "Uh, Lydia."
Cassie shakes her head. "No. No, your name's Muffin Top. And from now on, it's rice cakes and ipecac. Or cut off a butt cheek, 'cause you need to drop a few."
Rachel Berry dances past and Cassie catches the irked look the girl didn't hide fast enough. Two thoughts occur to her at once; she'd never ignore that in any other student and she now has an excuse to give the girl a break without being obvious. "Hold it." Everyone stops dancing and stares. "I'm sorry." She points to Rachel. "Did my conversation with Muffin Top offend you?"
Rachel looks away. "No."
Doubtful. "Hmm? What's your name?" As if she doesn't know.
"Rachel."
"Little Miss…." She casts about for an appropriate insult. "…David Schwimmer?"
She gives mental props to the girl for instantly agreeing with her instead of arguing or becoming offended. Rachel nods and responds quietly. "Little Miss David Schwimmer."
"I bet you were a big star back in Iowa." She mocks. She knows exactly where she's from, but can't let on.
Amusingly, the girl perks up. "I'm actually from Ohio."
Seeing that Rachel is wiping sweat away with a shaking hand, Cassie cringes and lets herself ramble, giving the girl more time to stand still. "Ohio. That's even worse. You ever look at a map? Ohio is like a giant turd that Michigan just can't pinch off. So did you come all the way to New York City to show me how to run my class?"
Rachel's eyes widen. "No, I-I came to learn."
Cassie turns away. "Okay. Lesson number one—your piqué turns are pathetic and your stuck-up little attitude's really pissing me off. Music!" She has to turn away again to avoid seeing Rachel's stunned and hurt expression. Everyone goes back to dancing. Rachel rolls her lips inward but then she resumes dancing as well. Good. She'll need a backbone to be successful. "All right, go! Let's get energy in your fingers." Cassie focuses on Rachel, following her. Thanks to the opportunity to insult her in front of everyone, she doubts anyone would guess her real reason. She can act mean, teach the girl, but also monitor her closer now. Unfortunately, Cassie is used to pushing for perfection. She slips into that habit now, without thought. "Higher. Higher. Into the ground. Higher! Higher! Higher!"
Rachel Berry's legs wobble, then she drops to the ground. Heart in her throat, Cassie quickly steps over to the girl and crouches down so she can check on her. Her mind races. Did she push her too hard? Can her body handle this? Was it a mistake accepting her while she's still sick? Her plan is to help the girl up and insist she sit out for a while, dropping all pretense of being a bitch. Rachel gives some sort of signal to her dog, who had been heading her way. The dog stops moving but stares at the girl intently.
The small brunette looks up at her and stubbornly shakes her head. "I don't need any help."
Stubborn girl. Cassandra swallows down what she was originally going to say. It looks like she's going to have to force the matter. Back to being a bitch it is. "No. Sweetie, I'm not coming down here to help you. I'm coming down here to give you a big New York City welcome. You suck. Sit out for the rest of class. I'm only interested in teaching future stars. And if I see you do another piqué, I'll hurl."
With that, she stands and focuses on the rest of her students.
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Finn is the one who meets her on campus at the end of the day. Kurt was going to, but decided he wanted to cook a delicious dinner for his sister and stepbrother to celebrate their first day of college. He's home gathering the ingredients and prepping everything, so now Finn gets to go. He leaves early so he can walk. A couple days ago he got Puck and Sam to walk to campus with him late at night. He wanted to see how safe the area is when it's late and supposed to be deserted. Not that Rachel will ever be alone, but even walking with Kurt or Santana or Brittany, he'd feel better knowing they're all safe. The other guys agreed. It wasn't as bad as he feared, but the guys still agreed that if Rachel (or Kurt eventually) are ever staying late, then at least one of them needs to be with them. While Finn still isn't a fan of the city, he's focusing on enjoying living with his friends and girlfriend. He's hoping that eventually he won't mind city life. More than anything he wants to stay with Rachel, wherever she is. And he will. It'd just be easier and happier for both of them if he could be comfortable in the city.
When he arrives at the dance building, he doesn't see Rachel. He figured she'd be standing out front. Wondering if he's still early or if class is running late, he heads inside. He has her schedule memorized, so he goes to the correct room. Class is over. The instructor is sitting on the ground stretching. Some people are standing around talking or gathering their belongings. Rachel sits in the corner, alone, drinking water. The look on her face has him worried. He knows her. She has a neutral expression and looks calm. However, he knows it's a mask. She's upset. He purposely dressed a little nicer, since it'll be his first time being seen with her on campus by her peers. He wants her to be proud of him. Finn also knows he's quite muscular and since it pleases her, he's been letting his stubble grow out a little, giving him a slight shadow on his chin. The others confirmed that he looks good before letting him leave the house. Now, Finn walks confidently through the room, drawing everyone's attention. All of the girls and some of the guys watch him with very interested eyes. One girl's mouth even drops open slightly. He keeps his own eyes on the only person that matters. Rachel hasn't looked up yet. She only looks up when he's right before her. Her mask drops and she smiles. He leans down and kisses her firmly. Finn is amused to hear sounds of disappointment from the group of girls a few feet away.
"Hi."
"Hi."
"Are you ready to go?"
When she hesitates, his stomach sinks. "In a moment. Let me finish my water."
In her eyes, he reads the truth. She means to wait until she feels strong enough to stand and walk on her own.
"Sure."
He takes a seat beside her and pets Yero. Slowly, the room clears out. Even the instructor gives them a backwards glance, then leaves. Once the room is empty, Rachel slumps into him.
"Kurt said your day was kind of rough."
Tears fill her eyes but she blinks them away. "Yeah. Can we go home?"
He kisses her. "Yeah. Let's go."
Finn throws her bag over his shoulder and offers her a hand. He doesn't like how pale she is. However, he also knows she won't want it to be obvious that he's helping her walk, so he offers her his arm. Thankfully, she wraps her arm around his and leans on him. They slowly walk off campus, looking like nothing more than a cute couple taking a casual stroll together.
"How was your first day, Finn?"
Finn's first day of community college started today, too. He's still not sure what he wants to do and can't shake the feeling that he's wasting time and money going to college when he should just be going to school to be a mechanic. The classes he's taking are unnecessary in that case. But he likes the idea of being a gym teacher and football coach. And maybe even coaching a glee club. He sighs, hating not knowing what to do. "It was fine. Boring. Seriously boring. I literally can't even think of anything else to say, but boring."
She smiles in amusement. "Sorry."
"S'alright."
At the bus stop on the corner, there is one seat available on the bench. Finn releases Yero's leash and sends him ahead to save the spot for Rachel. The couple laughs at the dog racing down the street and leaping onto the bench just before an older man can sit. The startled man steps back warily. Yero growls and the man steps further away. The teenagers sitting on the bench next to the dog get up as well and stand away from the growling fluff boy. Finn smirks but Rachel looks guilty. When they get there, Yero gets down so she can sit. Now that he's not growling and his tail is wagging, the others at the bus stop take note of the service animal vest and relax, stepping closer once more.
"Sorry." Rachel mumbles to them. "He's protective, but he won't hurt you."
They nod. The teenagers retake their seats but the man huffs and turns away, still clearly miffed about losing the seat he'd wanted. They don't have to wait long for the bus. On the ride home, Rachel refuses to answer any questions about her day. She insists on waiting so she only has to say it once.
"Well, twice. I'll call mom and tell her about my day, too."
"Has she been texting you?" Finn asks curiously.
"Yup. All day." She shows him the string of texts from "Good morning, baby girl! Have a great first day! I love you!" To "Have fun but take it easy." To "I can't wait to hear all about your day! Call me when you get home!"
They climb off the bus at their street. Rachel's legs buckle on the steps, but she catches herself on the railing. Finn wraps an arm around her waist and lifts her down the rest of the way. Once down, he sweeps her into his arms and carries her down the street to their house, their dog trotting along beside them. Rachel doesn't complain or argue, she just rests her head on his shoulder and wraps her arms around his neck. Yero runs ahead and rings the doorbell the way they trained him. Sam opens the door and frowns at them.
"She okay?"
"Yeah, just tired."
He steps back to let them in and shuts the door behind them. Finn heads to the couch but Rachel squeezes him.
"Can you take me upstairs? I need to shower."
Finn easily changes course and takes her upstairs. "Are you gonna be okay to shower?"
"I'll sit."
He frowns. "Okay, but…..I'd feel better if Santana or I sat outside the bathroom door. Just in case."
"Or you?" Santana, having heard their conversation as they got to the top of the stairs, glares at him.
"I have actually seen her naked before." He tells her. "And no parents are here to hide that fact from."
Santana's eyes widen. "Wait, really? I didn't think you two have done it yet."
"We haven't." Rachel rolls her eyes. "But we've done everything but that."
Finn sets her on the bed. She kisses him in thanks. Santana says she'll stay, so he heads downstairs.
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The warm water cascades down her body and she groans in relief. Even though she hates that she has to sit on a stool while showering, the warm water feels good enough that she is happy to ignore it. The warmth eases her tired muscles and she can feel herself relax further. Which is bad. She needs to stay awake. If she falls asleep in the shower, they'll think she passed out. Once she has rinsed off, she shuts off the water and climbs out. The cool air hitting her wet skin is unpleasant and she shivers. At the same time, her legs are starting to feel rubbery again. Rachel quickly grabs a towel, wraps it around herself, and sits on the closed toilet. There's a knock on the door.
"Rach?"
"I'm fine, San."
"I'm coming in."
Before Rachel can argue that it's unnecessary, the door opens and her Latina friend enters. She tuts. "You still look exhausted. C'mon."
Santana helps her up and back to their room, where Rachel dresses in comfy lounge clothes. They take the stairs slowly, with Santana refusing to let go of her. Noah is heading down the stairs behind them. When he reaches them he tosses Rachel over his shoulder. She grunts, wondering if she'll bruise from his shoulder digging into her stomach. But she doesn't say anything, knowing it'd just upset him. He drops her on the couch, where Kurt is waiting. He hands her a nasal cannula.
"I'm breathing fine!"
"But you exercised. You haven't been pushed physically in a long time. Your body isn't used to it. Just use it for like half an hour, okay? Just to be safe." He pleads.
Not wanting to risk him calling her mother to say she refused oxygen, despite not thinking it's needed, Rachel agrees and puts it on. Looking around at their faces, she sees the worry and feels guilty. Santana shakes her head.
"Maybe this is just too much too soon. Maybe you shouldn't have dance classes until you go into remission."
"Or limit them to once a week instead of twice." Sam suggests.
"I'm fine, guys. It's like Kurt just said; I haven't been pushed physically in a long time. Three years! It makes sense that I'd tire after actual exercise. I'm fine. I just need to take a nap."
Finn comes to her rescue. "Fine. Go ahead and nap. We'll wake you in time for dinner."
She lays down on the couch and falls asleep in under a minute.
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Kurt starts recording, making sure to get Rachel's sleeping form on the couch.
"This was Day One of NYADA. She had her first dance class today and is exhausted. For the past three years, everyone has made her slow down and take it easy. Now, suddenly, she's being asked to push herself harder. Her body isn't used to it yet. Besides, even though she's in stage one, she still tires easily. With these things combined, she had to be carried down the street when she got off the bus, showered while sitting, and is now taking a nap with oxygen. I really really hope this doesn't happen after every dance class. Her mom may pull her from NYADA if that happens."
Kurt sits on the couch beside her and whispers to the camera, getting them both in the frame. "And…..not to sound whiny, but at lunch Rachel admitted that her new classmates are either ignoring her or being mean to her. All because she has a service dog. It's ridiculous! They're not even giving her a chance! It's not fair. Can't people just be nice? I'll make another video soon and update you on how NYADA is going for Rachel, how my job hunt is going, and anything else interesting."
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Cassandra folds her arms and glares at Carmen's desk. The older woman turns the laptop back around, then stares at her employee.
"What did you do?"
"I…..pushed her. But then I made her sit out!"
"After she had already collapsed. We promised her doctor and mother we wouldn't push her too hard."
"I got annoyed, too." Cassie admits. "She's not the best dancer in there. She's good, but not the best. Not by a long shot."
"That annoyed you?"
"Yes! She's such an amazing singer that I…" She trails off.
"You expected her to be amazing in everything she does. She is a good dancer, but singing will always be her strong suit. And right now, she can't dance too much. Stop pushing her. It was the first class! Let her ease into it. Her body isn't used to that much exercise yet. She can't handle anything strenuous until she's in remission."
"Fine. I won't push her physically. But I should still be pushing her emotionally. Testing her. People cater to her because she's sick and give in all the time. I need to toughen her up and make sure she can handle the real world for after she's in remission and people aren't so nice."
"You saw the video. People already aren't nice." Carmen argues. "And remember, you and I have seen enough from Mr. Hummel's videos to begin to suspect that Ms. Berry may have been abused. Be cautious of that. I want her pushed and challenged, not traumatized."
"Got it. Are we done?"
"No, we have another student to discuss."
Cassie groans. "Meghan?! She's so whiny! I can't stand her!"
"But she's talented and her parents are big donors to our school."
"That's not the kind of special treatment I'm fine with offering. Berry is different. She deserves her special treatment. Meghan…her parents pay lots of money and spoil her and expect everyone else to do the same! It's not right."
"Be that as it may, you need to stop goading her."
"Ugh. You always ruin my fun."
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Shelby pauses her pacing, her eyes tracing over a picture of Rachel on the beach. Her huge smile and sparkling eyes bring a smile to Shelby's own face. She takes a step to the next picture; the framed drawing of Rachel destroying the medical equipment after she went into remission. Her smile fades. Soon. She'll be in remission soon. She has to. Shelby glances down at her phone. Still nothing. Earlier, Kurt sent her a text letting her know Rachel is home and resting after her first day. She told Kurt to have Rachel call her when she wakes, no matter what time it is. She wants to hear from her kid. It's nearing nine o'clock now. Is she still asleep? Is she okay? She should never have let her go. Her anxious thoughts are interrupted by her phone ringing. Jumping, Shelby answers it.
"Rachel?"
"Hi, Mom."
Shelby's shoulders drop, the tension easing out of them. She makes her way to the living room and sits on the recliner. "Hi, baby girl. How are you?"
"Better now. I showered, napped, and ate a delicious dinner."
"Kurt said he was cooking for you. That was sweet of him." Her daughter hums her agreement. "So I take it your first dance class was rough?"'
"Yeah. My dance teacher is mean and hates me. I don't get why. She said my piqué is pathetic and told me I suck. My classmates either ignore me completely, whisper behind their hands about me, or say rude things like I shouldn't be here."
"I'm so sorry, honey."
"I didn't realize how spoiled I was in Ohio. My family, friends, teachers, classmates, and even neighbors were all supportive. Other than a small group of classmates, everyone has always been kind and encouraging. No one gave me a hard time about having Yero around or needing….special treatment." Shelby hears the hesitation before admitting to the special treatment she needs. "It sucks. People in New York are mean. I'm either insulted or ignored."
"Not all. And not for long. I'm sure once they get to know you—"
"But they're not giving me a chance!" Rachel interrupts.
"Give it time, honey. It was just your first day."
"I know. It was just disappointing."
Her heart goes out to her kid. "I'm sorry. I wish I could hug you right now." It truly upsets her that she can't hug her child and comfort her.
"I know. It's okay. I've been hugged or cuddled by everyone in the house. They're being wonderful and making me feel better."
"Good. Now, as much as I'd love to keep talking to you, it's getting late and you've had a long, busy day. You should go to bed and sleep."
"I know. I'm in bed now. I wanted to talk to you first. But now I promise, I'm going to sleep. I love you, Mom."
"I love you, too."
She waits for Rachel to hang up before putting her phone down. Scott enters the room and sits on the couch. "So?"
"One of these days, I'll be able to end a phone call with Rachel without wanting to fly to New York and bring her home."
"But not yet, huh?"
"Not yet."
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"Well, you survived your first class with Cassie, so you must be good."
Rachel turns to see Brody walking up to her. She tilts her head. "Is she, uh, always that awful?"
Brody nods and takes a seat beside her. "Yeah, she's tough. But I wouldn't have gotten that chorus gig in the revival of Working last summer if she didn't push me so hard."
Interest peaked, she perks up. "You were on Broadway?"
Jokingly, the boy bows slightly. "Steel Worker Number Three. The show lasted for like, three performances, but still."
"That's still impressive. Broadway. It's everyone's goal, right? It's why we're here. So she's tough and mean but effective?" Actually, that makes her think of Sue.
"She is. She's hard on us so that we can become better. Just remember, you're here because you're the best of the best. Start believing that."
She smiles at him. "Thanks. It's just….so different from Ohio."
"It is, I know. You feeling homesick?" He asks kindly.
Laughing slightly, she nods. "A little. Which is funny, since I moved here with six close friends."
"Wait, what? Six?!"
"Six. My brother, whom you already saw, my boyfriend," she doesn't miss the look of disappointment that briefly crosses his face "and four very close friends. We're all living in a house together."
"That sounds pretty incredible."
"It is, it really is. But I still miss home, you know? My family, my other friends, even my old teachers and classmates. As embarrassing as it is, I was on the phone with a friend back in Ohio yesterday and they're battling it out over who is 'the new Rachel'." She can't help the slight blush she can feel rising on her cheeks.
Brody laughs. "'The new Rachel'? That's awesome. I take it you were the star?"
Tucking hair behind her ear, she nods. "I was the female lead and they called me the star of my high school's Glee club."
"'Called'? You disagree?"
"Actually, I agree completely." He laughs at her smirk. "But it sounds rude and I'm working on being humble. Besides, there were plenty of other very talented members. I wasn't the only talented one."
"Just the most talented."
"Possibly the most driven." She redirects.
"Eh, I was the same way. Male lead, star, ambitious, and focused on getting to Broadway."
"My God, you are the male version of me." She laughs.
He laughs along with her. "Sounds like it. Maybe that's why I feel kind of drawn to you." She starts to open her mouth, but he cuts her off. "No, I heard you. You have a boyfriend and he moved here to New York with you. I won't get in the way. However, if you two ever break up….."
He trails off, smirking. She can't tell how serious he's being so she laughs lightly. "Understood."
"So….you told me your name, but not your dog's name."
"I didn't, did I? How rude of me. This is Fiyero, but we call him Yero. Yero, say hi."
Fiyero lets out a single low "woof" and holds out his paw. Laughing, Brody shakes his paw. "Nice to meet you, Yero. I'm Brody."
"Brody is a friend." She places her hand on Brody's arm. At Brody's confused look, she explains. "Yero's protective of me. If I don't specify that you're a friend, then he may attack you if he thinks you're going to hurt me. But by saying you're a friend, he'll watch first instead of attacking first."
"He understands the word friend?"
"He understands that it means someone he can trust. He understands a lot of words. He has to. He's well trained."
"You don't have to answer, but can I ask why?"
Knowing there's no reason to hide it, she sighs internally before answering. "I'm sick. I have a rare blood disease. It's fatal and there's no cure. However, I ge—"
"Oh, that explains it!" Startled, Rachel and Brody both turn to look at the girl sitting behind them. The black haired girl has a condescending look on her face. "I couldn't figure out why such a prestigious school would allow someone with a service dog in. You're a make-a-wish kid, aren't you? They let you in out of pity. That makes sense." The girl leans forward and lays a hand lightly on Rachel's shoulder. In a soft tone, as though talking to a small child or possibly someone dying, she says "Welcome to NYADA. Enjoy your brief time here."
Rachel's jaw is practically on the floor. Even Brody looks appalled. "Are you fo—"
Their conversation is cut off by the arrival of Madam Carmen Tibideaux. Everyone who isn't currently sitting hurries to a seat. The room goes silent, waiting for the woman to speak. Rachel's heart is hammering. People think she's here out of pity? A make-a-wish kid? It makes her nauseous. She's torn between wanting to scream and wanting to cry. Furious and embarrassed.
Madam Tibideaux addresses the class. "Returning students, welcome back. New students, welcome to the round room. The acoustics are perfect. And there are no corners which means there is nowhere to hide in here. First-year students will have the opportunity to sing publicly twice. The first time today, the Debut."
Brody leans closer and whispers to Rachel. "Also known as the 'freshman reaping'."
"The second, the Winter Showcase at the end of the semester if you are invited. Shall we begin?" She takes her seat. All of the freshman look as tense as Rachel feels. "Beatrice McClaine."
A pretty girl with short blonde hair walks to the front and smiles at everyone. "My name is Beatrice McClaine, and I'll be singing 'Ave Maria' written by Fran's Schubert."
She has a very pretty voice. However, she gets literally two words out, "Ave Maria", the first two words of the song, and Madam Tibideaux interrupts her.
"I'm gonna stop you there. When I accepted you at NYADA what did I tell you you needed to do? You needed to practice all summer long."
"I did."
"You did not. I think you need to practice a little bit more and reapply in December."
Despite starting to cry, Beatrice nods and leaves without a word. Rachel is stunned. She whispers to Brody. "Did she just get cut?"
"It happens."
"Rachel Berry." Heart thudding in her ears and feeling mildly nauseous, Rachel stands. She signals for Yero to stay and walks to the front of the room. "Impress me."
Behind the formidable woman, Brody smiles and nods slightly in encouragement. Rachel shoves aside her nerves and smiles confidently.
"Hi. I'm Rachel Berry, and I'll be singing 'New York State of Mind' written by Billy Joel, popularized by one Miss Barbra Streisand."
She lets her the music flow over and through her, settling the last of her nerves. She fought to be here today. She is not going to be cut. Not after everything she's been through. She will impress Carmen Tibideaux. This is what she came here to do; sing. Rachel opens her mouth and begins singing. Brody is clearly enjoying her performance, smiling up at her. One blonde guy in the back looks a little stunned. The black haired bitch looks like she just ate a lemon. At the end of her song, Brody stands and claps. Carmen turns around to glare at him and he sits. She turns back to Rachel.
"Nice."
Shaking slightly from nerves, Rachel retakes her seat. She scratches behind Yero's ears and he rests his head on her lap, offering more comfort. She is relieved beyond words that it went well and that it's over. Rachel listens to the other freshmen sing and claps politely. When it ends, the students file out. Rachel planned to do the same, but Brody stops her. They wait until the room is empty.
"You killed it! You are phenomenal!" He enthuses.
Grinning, she thanks him. "So not a pity acceptance?"
His expression becomes a glower. "I can't believe she said that. What a bitch. I'm sorry. Clearly, you were not accepted out of pity. You're incredibly talented. I don't know if you noticed, but that girl was only okay compared to everyone else. You blew everyone else out of the water. You are so far out of her league. She's beneath you."
"You don't have to lay it on so thick." She promises him with a slight smile. Not that she minds the compliments from someone other than family, but he really is being heavy handed about it.
"Maybe not, but I'm still right. She was okay. You were amazing. And best of all, she knows it now." He smirks, clearly amused with this knowledge. So is she. Then he becomes very serious. "Anyway, I wanted a chance to finish our conversation before we were so rudely interrupted. I'm sorry, but you absolutely cannot leave it like that. You have a fatal blood disease with no cure?"
"Yeah. But there are treatments. At the moment, I go every other week."
"What are the treatments?"
He looks so concerned on top of his curiosity that she answers him. "I get hooked up to an IV at a clinic and I'm given a blood transfusion, a mix of IV medications, and saline to stay hydrated."
"Every other week?" His eyes take in her forearms where she's showing him the red dots from all the IV's she's had inserted.
"Yeah. It leaves me feeling pretty crappy, so I schedule them later in the day so I can go home and rest after."
"And your service dog….."
Knowing what he's asking, she provides the information he's looking for. Besides, if he's going to be around a lot and friendly, she may end up needing his help. "He helps me. I get dizzy and sometimes faint. On top of that, I get attacks. Mild attacks happen frequently. Almost daily. They hurt like a bitch but only last a minute. I need to hold on to someone or something to not fall over when they happen, so if Yero can alert me to one starting, it's helpful. Moderate attacks are worse. They last longer and hurt a lot worse. I will collapse when one strikes. And I'll need to be held and reminded to breathe. I have an oxygen tank in my bag. I'll need that as soon as possible after the attack starts. Afterwards, I won't be able to walk for a while. I'll have to stay sitting or laying down until one of my friends can come help me home so I can rest. I'll be done for the rest of the day after one of those. I'll be fine after, but exhausted and need to sleep."
Brody is frowning hard. "Do those happen often?"
"They used to happen every two weeks or so. Now, they're very random. I have no idea when one will strike."
"That sounds…..horrible."
"It is. There are also severe attacks, which are even worse. But I haven't had one of those this time around."
"This time around?"
"This is my second diagnosis. The first time I was diagnosed was the beginning of my sophomore year of high school. I was sick for almost two years. I hit stage four and was literally on my death bed." Brody looks horrified. "But then I got better, obviously. The summer before my senior year I went into remission. I was in remission for five months before relapsing. Just after my seventeenth birthday, I was diagnosed stage one. Again."
"And….how are you now? I mean, what stage?" He's leaning forward, on the edge of his seat.
"I am currently stage one and getting closer to going back into remission."
Brody takes a deep breath. She gives him a moment to absorb everything. She's not sure how to feel about how he's looking at her. Then he smiles softly. "I hope you go into remission soon."
"Me, too."
"Until then, I'll help however I can."
"Thank you. Hopefully it won't be necessary."
"Hopefully not, but if it is…..would you mind showing me how to work your oxygen tank?"
She nods, realizing it's a good idea. It's why she caved in and told him all of that, after all. Rachel had no intention of telling anyone at NYADA that much detail. But Brody is friendly and it might be a good idea for at least one student on campus to know more about her condition and be able to help out; until Kurt attends, anyway. She pulls the small tank out of her bag and shows him how it works. She shows him the mask and nasal cannula and when she'd need each. She giggles when he tries the mask and starts coughing. While she's putting it away, he brings up something she'd been hoping he wouldn't.
"You didn't say much about a severe attack."
"I haven't had one in over a year, so at this point, it's unlikely I'll get one. But if I do, whoever is around will have to call an ambulance. Chances are, I'll stop breathing. Do you happen to know CPR?"
"Uh…..no." He looks worried.
"It's okay. I think all teachers have to know, so someone will be able to help."
"CPR. Meaning there's a chance your heart will stop?"
"It's happened a few times." At the look on his face, she reaches out and squeezes his arm. "It's okay. Chances are I won't get one. It's been a really long time since I had one or even since my heart stopped…..I think."
"You think?!"
"I'm trying to decide if what happened last spring counts! My heart didn't fully stop, but I do remember the doctor having to slam his fist on my chest and being horribly bruised from it. My heart rate got way too low and I was rushed to the hospital. But it didn't completely stop so I don't think it counts." She's explaining, but she's also just thinking out loud.
Brody is shaking his head. "Holy shit."
"It's fine. I'm fine. And hopefully won't have to deal with this for much longer."
"Is this….is this why your brother walks you to school?"
"Yeah. If not him, then one of the others. Someone comes to meet me at the end of the day, too, to travel home with me. I can't actually be alone at any time. In case an attack hits. Yero is here because he can alert me to an incoming attack, he can alert people around me to a problem, and he can go get help if no one is around. Still, the only reason my mom let me move to New York was because a bunch of my friends came with me and promised to not let me be alone. Ever. It actually feels weird being on campus without anyone next to me. For three years I've been used to always having someone who loves me right next to me to help me through…..all of this. Now, when I'm here, I'm…..alone. It's sort of a relief to finally have time to myself, but it's also a little disconcerting. And honestly a little nerve wracking."
"Well you're not alone now." Brody promises. "I like you. I like talking to you. Plus you're insanely talented. So I'm more than happy to wander around campus with you."
She gives him an embarrassed smile. "Thank you, Brody. It's not needed, but when you can and are willing, I would appreciate it."
He stands and offers her a hand. "I am at your service."
She accepts his hand and they begin walking out. "You're not going to start treating me different now, are you? I like being treated normal."
"I thought we already agreed that no one here is normal."
"You know what I mean." She says quietly.
He nods slowly. "Alright. Yeah, I do. I'm not intentionally going to treat you different, but if I do, it's only because my respect for you has increased."
"Really?"
"Really. It sounds like you've been dealing with a really rough situation for years and yet…..you're here. Still fighting, not just for your life, but for your dream of being on Broadway. That's impressive. It's…..it's inspiring."
Seeing that he means it, she blushes. However, she's not sure how to respond. "Um…thanks."
"Here. Gimme your phone and I'll give you mine. That way we can trade numbers."
They do. "Would you mind meeting my brother and boyfriend? They're both extremely protective of me. And….while he's gotten better about it, Finn is still kind of the jealous type. The last thing I want is for him to think I'm hiding anything from him. And it'd make both of them feel better to know who is around me on campus. I already told them about you, but…."
"Yeah, sure." He agrees easily, not seeming perturbed at all. She's relieved.
"Thanks. And you'll be seeing a lot more of Kurt soon. He auditioned for NYADA at the same time as me but he was waitlisted. I'm hoping that with Beatrice being cut, maybe that means Kurt is in."
Brody shrugs. "Maybe. It depends on how far down on the list he is. It's neat that he'll be a student here soon."
"It is. It'll be nice to have him at school with me again."
"And…..I guess your illness is a big part of why you two are so close." He surmises.
"Mostly, yeah. But to be fair, we were close before I got sick." She refuses to elaborate on that. No one here needs to know about the abuse.
"That's cool."
He walks her to her next class. Thankfully, none of her classmates make any more rude comments. And one classmate actually talks to her. A girl, Alicia, is in her sign language class with her. They talked for a couple minutes and got along. It's a relief for Rachel. Now, Brody isn't the only person she can talk to on campus. Santana had been annoyed with Rachel for choosing sign language instead of Spanish as her language class. Her Latina friend had insisted she could help her with her homework and make sure she passes her tests and gets an easy A. "One less class for you to worry about!" But Rachel had pointed out that learning sign language is on her bucket list. That had gotten Santana to stop complaining and let it go. Besides, between Santana speaking Spanish frequently and Kurt using French occasionally to prevent himself from forgetting it, she feels fairly confident she can carry a simple conversation in either language. And with sign language, she will sort of know four languages. That's something she's proud of. At the end of the day, she and Yero are walking across campus to meet Finn when Brody jogs up to her.
"Hey!"
"Hey! I know this is a small campus, and I swear I'm not complaining, but I always see you." She says.
He shrugs. "We have the same major. We basically have the same classes, it's just mine are more advanced. It makes sense that we cross paths frequently. We're in the same buildings, often at the same time or just after one another."
"Well, it's certainly convenient."
"Anyone else give you a hard time today?"
The fact that he seems ready to start a fight on her behalf is sweet and amusing. "No. In fact, I th—"
Yero suddenly whines. Brody goes on alert. Rachel sighs, but her sigh is interrupted by pinpricks piercing her chest. She winces slightly, her right hand going out to grasp something. Brody offers her his arm and she clings to it. He rests his free hand on top of hers, simultaneously offering more support and comfort. He stays still and silent until it ends. The pain recedes and her body relaxes. Rachel takes in a calming breath and steps away from Brody.
"Thanks."
"So….was that a mild?" He asks uncertainly.
"Yeah."
"But you're okay now." He confirms.
"Completely."
He releases a tense breath and runs a hand through his hair. "Damn. Okay. Who's meeting you today?"
"It should be Finn."
They begin walking towards the main entrance. Brody places a hand on her back and she smiles at him.
"I really am okay. I mean it."
He nods and drops his hand. Moments later, his hand is hovering under her arm. She wants to sigh, but she understands it's new to him.
"Brody—"
"I'm sorry, it's just….give me a chance to get used to this."
She recalls her mother saying something similar years ago. "I'm going to need a few times to get used to this. Are you sure you're okay? Do you need anything?" "I get it. Take all the time you need. I've had years." Her nose scrunches up. "Nearly entering the fourth year, actually. God, I've really been sick that long?" She sighs despondently. "That really sucks."
The look on his face is so sympathetic that she feels bad for speaking her mind. She should have kept those particular thoughts to herself. She casts about for a suitable change in subject when one comes walking down the path towards them. Finn is smiling knowingly.
"Let me guess." He calls out as he gets closer to them. When he's right in front of them, he nods to Brody. "She had a mild attack in front of you and now you're mildly panicked and want to keep a hold of her in some way in case she falls over or something."
Brody chuckles. "That's it exactly. Sorry, man."
"Are you kidding? I want to thank you. You were the first person to actually be nice to her here and become a friend." Finn holds out his hand to shake, a warm smile on his face. Rachel's heart is bursting with love for this young man.
Brody shakes his hand with a smile of his own. "I don't know how you do it. You've been by her side the whole time?"
Finn glances at her for confirmation. "You told him?"
She nods. "Yeah. He knows the basics."
"Those were just the basics?" Brody asks.
"Well….yeah." She's not sure what else to say. She turns to Finn. "I showed him how to work the oxygen tank and told him how to help with each attack. Sort of. I kept it simple. I can handle it until one of you arrive."
Her boyfriend gives her a knowing look before turning to Brody. "I'm Finn, just to formally introduce myself. I'd like to give you my number so that you can call me if something happens. If you don't mind."
"I don't mind."
The boys trade numbers.
"And if she gets an attack and collapses, please hold her. Hold her, remind her to breathe, get her on oxygen, and call me. If she stops breathing call an ambulance."
"I already told him." Rachel mumbles, no longer wanting to focus on this. Yes, Brody should know. Someone on campus should know how to help her. But it doesn't need to be a focus anymore. She's stage one! Chances are she'll be in remission soon.
"I'm reiterating."
"Don't worry about it, man. I'll do it all. Happy to help out. I got to hear her sing today. She's incredible."
Finn smiles proudly. "She really is."
Blushing, Rachel grabs Finn's arm. "Okay, well, thanks again Brody. I'm sure I'll see you tomorrow."
The guys laugh but don't argue with her clear dismissal, letting her lead Finn off campus.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Rachel, Sam, and Brittany are sitting in the living room together. They're not talking. They're listening to the others argue. The three friends are grinning and doing their best to muffle their giggles. The heated voices arguing upstairs float down to the living room where they sit, listening in amusement.
"Absolutely not!" Santana yells.
"Do you even know what fashion is?!" Kurt snaps back.
"You did not just ask me that!"
"Would you two shut up already?" Finn shouts over them. He is ignored.
Noah's aggravated baritone hollers out, joining the mix. "I swear to God, if you put anything faggy in here, I will smash it."
"Just because you don't think—"
"We don't need lace or sheer shower curtains, Kurt!"
The argument goes on with Kurt, Santana, and Noah arguing over how to decorate their new home while Finn alternates between trying to calm them down and trying to reign in Kurt's more…eccentric…ideas. Noah had stayed out of it, stating he didn't care, until Kurt suggested they put a floral partition in the bathroom between the toilet and the sink. After he threatened to punch said partition if he saw it, he was suddenly involved in the argument. Rachel, Sam, and Brittany are happy to laugh and stay out of it.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
His eyes take in a picture from their senior prom. The kids provided him with a bunch of pictures from that night, even though Rachel technically wasn't there that long. The short time she was at prom, a lot of pictures were taken of her. Even without her noticing. The one he stares at now is after Finn and Rachel won prom king and queen. They're wearing their crowns and smiling widely at the camera. Kurt is on Rachel's other side, leaning in and smiling just as widely. The next picture is of the kids on the beach the day after Shelby's wedding.
"You are allowed to call them, you know."
He jumps and turns to look at his wife. Carole is staring at him knowingly. He clears his throat and sets the picture down. "I know."
She sits beside him and rubs his arm. "You miss them. I do too."
"My kids. All three of them are in another state. After Mary died, it was just me and Kurt struggling to get by. Struggling to….be a family, just the two of us. Then one day early in sixth grade, Kurt brought home a sweet, tiny, timid, doe-eyed girl. I suddenly had two kids and I loved it. We felt like a family again. Then I met you and Finn. I fell in love with you and cared about Finn. I grew to love him as another son. Then I had three kids and a wife and I've never been happier."
"Well that's not entirely true." Carole smile softly. "You were happiest when Rachel was in remission. You had all of us and we were all healthy."
"Right. Now, all my kids are…..gone."
"They're not gone, honey. You can call them, text them, or even go visit them!"
"I'm….I'm trying not to interfere in their new lives. I just…..I just want to be part of it."
"You are! You always will be, Burt." Carole swears, squeezing his hand.
His eyes glimmer with unshed tears. "I miss my kids. Kurt's excited chatter. Rachel's giggles. Finn's laugh. I miss hearing it all. And I'm still so damn scared that Rachel is sick and not near us. We're not there to help her."
"The kids have it well in hand. And if they don't, you know Shelby won't hesitate to bring Rachel home."
Burt chuckles. "Yes she will. I mean, no, she won't hesitate if she truly thinks it's in Rachel's best interest. But I know for a fact that she's just as scared of crushing Rachel's hopes and dreams as she is of letting a group of kids take care of her sick daughter. Rachel has been through too much, suffered too much, to not get to live her dreams. Shelby will only get in the way if she thinks her dreams are interfering with her health or if the kids need help. And I agree, I just…..I just wish the kids were closer so we could be around more, you know?"
"I know. It's hard for me, too. I love all three of them too. But we have to trust them. All of them. We are trusting Finn and Kurt to look after Rachel. We're trusting Rachel to be honest about her health and not push herself. We're trusting all three of them to take care of one another. For now, we are letting them live their lives. They know we're here if they need anything. And we'll step in if anything happens."
Burt sighs heavily. They'd had dinner with Scott and Shelby the other night. He knows the other couple is having a hard time as well. But they will adjust to it. For themselves and for their kids, they'll learn to handle the distance as best they can.
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A/N: is still dealing with major issues. As such, the only way I can tell if people are actually reading this is if I get reviews. So if you wouldn't mind, drop a review? Not only do I love reading them, but it'll confirm that people are actually reading this.
