Chapter 8

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Even at two in the morning, the hospital has constant movement. Nurses come in to check on her, people bustle past her room at all hours, and she can hear people in other rooms talking, laughing, and crying. Rachel runs her fingers through Yero's soft fur. She's exhausted, but was awoken by her full bladder. She'd hated having to ask the nurses to help her use the bathroom. Normally her mom or some other relative is there to help her. Now, bladder empty and tucked back into bed, she finds her mind racing and not letting her sleep.

She'd had a severe attack. She stopped breathing. Her heart stopped, no matter how briefly.

She thought she was getting better. The possibility of not surviving has been in the back of her mind ever since Dr. Reed told her her odds of surviving are lower this second time around. She knows the odds. She knows her chances aren't good. But the fact that she's been alternating between stages one and two seemed to be a good sign. And since she's technically only had a few truly bad days and has been able to attend classes almost every day, she truly thought things were going well. Rachel has been so sure she'd get better, go into remission, finish out NYADA in full health, and get the future she's always dreamed of. But now that she's getting severe attacks? And her heart stopped on the first one? Now she has doubts. For every step forward, she's forced to take two steps back. Was it all for nothing? Should she move back to Lima, give up on her dream, and plan to let herself die in her home with her parents? Leave her friends to live their lives without having to worry about taking care of her? Should she do what's best for everyone else or what's best for her (emotionally)?

With a shaky hand she wipes away the silent tears streaming down her cheeks. Yero whines softly and licks her face. As much as she loves her furry boy, she'd prefer it if Finn, her mom, or Kurt were here right now.

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There'd been an argument this morning over who would get to go. Obviously the parents would be going. No question there. Shelby and Scott sat back and listened, letting the kids work it out themselves. Eventually it was agreed that Finn, Puck, and Kurt would go first thing. Assuming she's doing well, Finn will go to class and the other two will go to work. Then again, the way Finn responded makes Shelby think that he doesn't actually intend to go to class at all. Brittany and Sam will stop by later in the morning when they each have a break. Santana will stop by later in the day. While part of Shelby wishes only she and Scott were going, she's aware that she can't request that. Not only do these kids love Rachel and need to see her for themselves, but they're the ones who are here 24/7. They're the ones Shelby has been entrusting Rachel's care to. To show up and not let them even visit with her in the hospital would be cruel and insulting. She can't do it. Upon arriving, Shelby kissed Rachel's still pale cheek and took a seat beside the bed, Scott sitting next to her. Finn refilled Yero's bowls for him, then Puck took him for a short walk.

"My dad wanted to come, but knows he's not needed; he'd just be another body. But he sends his love and wants her to call him when she feels up to it." Kurt told them.

Shelby can't imagine what it's like for the man. He practically raised Rachel. She is his daughter. And yet, he's staying back and letting others take care of her even though he desperately wants to be here. She doesn't think she'd be able to. She needs to be here with her kid. She makes a mental note to have Rachel spend some extra time with Burt while she's home.

"Good morning, Rach." Scott says softly.

Shelby's eyes snap over to the bed. Rachel is yawning and rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "Morning."

"How'd you sleep?" She's worried that Rachel was lonely, even with Yero's presence. Thinking of how Rachel is normally upset after a severe attack, she worries even more that Rachel was alone and upset, crying without anyone around to comfort her.

"Fine."

"Did you wake up at all during the night?"

"Just to use the bathroom, then I fell right back to sleep."

Shelby releases a breath of relief. "Any pain? The boys said you had a headache yesterday."

"Yeah. They took me off the strong stuff but they're giving me ibuprofen to keep the headache away."

They all relax seeing that Rachel is doing better today. She's more awake and alert, speaking more, and overall seems better. Breakfast arrives and Shelby is pleased to find that Rachel not only eats it, but is able to feed herself. After talking for a while, Rachel hugs and kisses Finn, Kurt, and Puck, then basically kicks them out.

"There's no point in you sitting around here. My parents are here, I'm just going to nap again, and I'm sure I'll be home tonight or tomorrow. Go."

Puck nodded reluctantly and went to work. Kurt grumbled, but agreed to leave on the condition that he can return during his lunch break and after work. Rachel easily agrees. Finn is harder to convince, but Shelby is glad he eventually agreed to leave as well. Rachel pointed out that Finn has a test today, so he grudgingly left. Under the same conditions as Kurt. Rachel does nap after the boys leave, so Shelby steps out to call her family and update them while Scott stays with Rachel. Later in the morning Brittany and Sam stop by. Rachel is asleep so they don't stay long, knowing she needs her rest. Dr. McCann arrives in the early afternoon.

"Did she drop to stage three?" Scott asks worriedly.

Dr. McCann smiles. "No. She's still firmly in stage two. And still towards the higher end of stage two. Despite this setback, her numbers are holding steady."

"Any idea why I randomly had a severe attack?" Rachel asks.

"Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing when someone will get an attack or which type they'll get. We're not sure why you had a severe attack."

"But it means I can get another." She says quietly. Shelby squeezes her hand.

Dr. McCann bows his head slightly. "Yes. I'm sorry, but it is possible."

"Will my heart stop with the next one, too?" Shelby hates how her kid's voice shakes. She wishes she could wrap her in a hug and take this all away.

"We don't know, Rachel. But…..considering the fact that it stopped this time, it is very likely that were you to have another, your heart would stop again."

Scott frowns. "Why did it stop? She's stage two and she's been…..she's been doing pretty well, overall."

"She has, yes." The doctor agrees. "But this is still her second diagnosis. Rachel has been sick for a long time with only a brief respite. It has weakened her."

"Weakened." A shiver runs down her spine.

"Yes. You've already told me about the times she has suffered from fatigue and weakness. Rachel, you admitted that those things have been worse this time around than last time. I hate to say it, but this second time fighting off aplastic anemia has left you weakened. So when the severe attack struck, your body couldn't handle it. You stopped breathing and your heart stopped."

"Will I always be weak?"

Dr. McCann pauses, gathering his thoughts. "Not like this, no. You'll probably always be anemic to some degree, Rachel. It is unlikely that you'll ever go back to waking up early and jumping up out of bed when the sun rises. Years of medications that deplete your immune system means you'll most likely be susceptible to catching colds and flus. There are other potential side effects, but those are the most likely."

"So even if I go into remission I still won't be completely healthy?!" Rachel asks incredulously.

"You'll be healthy." He tries to comfort her. "You just won't be….as healthy…..as you were before getting sick. You might get sick more often, you may need a little more sleep than others, and you may still become dizzy or tired depending on the severity of your anemia. But you will be healthy."

Rachel's hands are clenched into fists. Shelby wraps both hands around one of Rachel's, stroking it soothingly.

"What do we do now?" Shelby asks quietly, wanting this conversation to end so she can comfort her child.

"Let her rest. Rachel, take the next couple days to sleep and rest as much as possible. Limit your movement. You're not on bed rest, but I'll enforce it if you don't actually rest."

"I'll rest." The girl mumbles.

"Good. I also want you to use your oxygen tank after any time you're walking around for the next day or two, just to make sure you're getting enough oxygen."

"So if she gets up to use the bathroom, have her use her oxygen when she sits back down?"

"Yes. Or if she walks up a flight of stairs or to the kitchen table or something. Just for ten minutes. Her blood oxygen levels aren't too low any more, but they're not particularly high, either. I don't want to risk them dropping."

"Anything else?"

"No, that's it. Rest, oxygen, hydrate. We're going to keep her here for a couple more hours, but assuming her heart rate and blood oxygen levels remain in normal range, we'll discharge her this afternoon."

"Thank you, doctor."

He nods and leaves the room. Shelby's eyes watch Rachel. The girl is looking down at her lap, her expression pinched.

"Honey?"

"I just—I really—I really thought I'd survive this."

Her heart leaps into her throat and she clambers onto the bed, pulling her daughter into her arms. "You will."

"But I technically died yesterday." She cries in a wobbly voice.

Figuring they may as well get this out in the open now, Shelby tells her what she has decided. "Which is why I'm taking you home. Ohio home. It's time, Rachel."

Rachel falls deeper into her hold, sobbing. "It's not fair, Mom! It's not fair! I'm tired of this!"

For a good while, mother and daughter cry in one another's arms. Scott sits on the bed and places a hand on each of them. Neither parent is surprised when Rachel cries herself to sleep. Once they're sure she's out cold, Scott pulls Shelby into his own arms to comfort her. When Santana and Sam arrive, they quickly pick up on the heavy mood. The teens check that nothing else bad happened, hear that she'll be released later, then leave. As much as Shelby loves them and is grateful to them, she's relieved. She knows she won't be able to send Kurt or Finn away once they return. When Rachel wakes up again, it's due to a mild attack. Her eyes snap open and she gasps, her hands clutching the sheets. Scott reacts faster, grabbing Rachel's hand and talking to her soothingly while Shelby was still putting her book down. It ends and Rachel stares at the ceiling with glassy eyes. Shelby watches carefully as her daughter pulls in a deep breath and slowly releases it.

"You alright?"

Rachel gives a one shouldered shrug. "Yeah."

Shelby hates the tone she used. Combined with the look in her eyes, it has her worried for her daughter's mental/emotional state. The entire time she has been living in New York and attending college, she has been upbeat, excited, and happy. There have been times she's been upset, frustrated, or stressed, but overall she's been happy. Hearing her tone do a complete 180 is upsetting. Uncertain what to say, they sit in silence for a couple moments. Finn arrives and lights up when he sees Rachel awake.

"Hey!"

The corner of her mouth tugs upwards in a semblance of a smile. When that's her only reaction, Finn's smile falls. Instead of commenting on it, he kisses her lightly on the lips. It amazes Shelby to see Rachel's eyes lighten with that one simple act. Every time she sees the two of them together, she's given more proof that they really and truly love one another. It makes the mother very happy.

"Rough day?" He asks softly, but with a teasing smile. He's not making light of her situation, he's simply trying to get her to talk about it.

"You could say that."

"Anything I can do to help?"

"You could do that again."

Grinning, Finn leans down and kisses her more firmly. Looking more at ease, Rachel finally smiles. It's small, but it's real. Shelby sits back and listens as Rachel asks Finn about the test he had today. She knows Rachel has been helping him study for it. They're still discussing the test when Kurt returns and joins the conversation. They all notice that Rachel steers clear of any discussion of her health or the future, but no one calls her out on it. The doctor comes in for a final exam and agrees to release her under the condition that Rachel is not left alone in any way until morning. Since Shelby has no intention of leaving her kid's side, that's a very easy thing to promise. Besides, between Finn, Kurt, and all the others, it's a nonissue. Rachel is rarely alone and even then it's not for long. Shelby had brought some clothes for Rachel this morning, and now kicks everyone else out and helps her daughter dress. Rachel is able to put her shirt on herself, but Shelby helps her with the pants. Scott places her in the wheelchair and an orderly pushes her out with the others trailing behind. The trip back to the townhouse is uneventful.

Scott carries her inside and up to her room, setting her on the bed. Shelby had asked him not to bring her to the living room, worried that she wouldn't let herself rest if the other members of the house are around talking and making noise. Brittany carries a tray with a light dinner up and settles on the bed beside Rachel. The two girls eat and talk about happy topics. Seeing that Rachel is being cared for, Shelby allows herself to go downstairs to eat her own dinner. Shelby asks the other kids about how things are really going; how they're all doing. The kids insist everything is going really well. Scott tries to help out, telling them they can be completely honest and it won't change things. They just need to know. The teens remain adamant; things have been going well. No one is particularly stressed from helping take care of Rachel. The closest anyone came to becoming stressed was Santana, and that was only because the nightmares kept waking her up. But the others helped out by having Brittany and Kurt take turns sleeping in Santana's bed, giving Santana a solid night of rest and making sure someone was always with Rachel. Shelby feels better knowing the kids really are doing a good job of not only taking care of Rachel, but of themselves and each other.

"We really are very happy here and are having no problems helping take care of Rach." Kurt promises her and Scott. "Seriously. You two are welcome to stay as long as you want while she recovers from this severe attack, but we really do have everything under control here."

The other kids smile and nod. One by one, their smiles dim as they take in the looks on the adult's faces. Santana picks up on it first.

"You're taking her home, aren't you."

Shelby nods.

"What? No. She'll be so upset!"

"Kurt, she had a severe attack. Her heart stopped." Scott tries to reason with him. "She needs to come home. At least for a little while."

It amazes Shelby how upset the kids are at this news. She thought it'd have been obvious. It also means that they're upset about Rachel not being there with them. While Shelby loves knowing how loved her daughter is, she's not going to back down on this. Her baby girl needs to come home.

"Does she know?" Finn asks them quietly.

"Yes. We told her earlier."

"How'd she take it?"

"She cried but didn't fight it."

The kids clearly aren't happy, but stop arguing. The rest of the night is quiet and almost morose. Everyone goes to bed early, the stress of the last 24 hours having drained them. The next day, the others go back to their normal routines while Rachel sleeps the day away. Shelby wants to take her home soon, but doesn't want to make her move until she's a little stronger. A few days of rest, then they'll head home.

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Rachel's fingers play with the threads on the edge of her lilac blanket, her mind racing. She hates that she's forced to leave the semester early. The biggest fear dangling over her is the worry that the school board will decide this means she shouldn't return. That would crush her. She pulls the blanket over her head, blocking out the sunlight streaming through the window. She doesn't want to face the day. She doesn't want to face anything. The fear of not being allowed back to NYADA combined with her fear that she won't survive is suffocating her. She focuses on taking in slow, deep breaths but it's not enough. The crippling feelings are keeping her from wanting to be around anyone. Her heart is heavy, sinking down into her stomach. An ache persists behind her eyes. Her chest feels tight. Rachel is aware it's all mental; it's all emotional. The only thing remaining from her severe attack is the weakness. When footsteps approach, she stays still and closes her eyes in the hopes that they'll think she's asleep and leave her alone. The bed beside her dips under someone's weight and a hand rests on her arm.

"Honey?"

Rachel continues her act. Her mom softly rubs her arm through the blanket and sighs. The blanket is removed from her face, causing her eyes to clench involuntarily at the sudden exposure to light. The weight on the bed leaves, followed by a quiet rattling, then a somewhat darker room.

"Fine," her mom says softly, "I'll leave you be. Send a text message if you need anything and don't get up."

Her mom kisses her temple and leaves her alone. Rachel waits until she's certain she's really gone before opening her eyes. She sighs, knowing she should talk but not wanting to. Not yet, at least.

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Shelby gave Rachel the time alone she clearly wanted. She knew her kid wasn't actually sleeping, but decided not to push it. Not yet. Once she gets her home, she'll push her to talk. For now, Rachel needs to rest. She and Scott will take her home either tomorrow or the next day. One of them, or one of the kids, peek in on her from time to time to make sure she's okay, but otherwise they leave Rachel alone. Everyone is somber. Only Shelby and Scott are happy about taking Rachel home, but even they feel bad about it, knowing Rachel would rather stay here. Later in the day, Scott brings Rachel downstairs. Shelby isn't pleased with how little the girl has been eating or how quiet she has been the past few days, but she also can't really blame her. Kurt has been coming home from work a little early and is currently sitting on the couch with Rachel, chatting about his latest project. Shelby and Scott are playing a card game, but listening with half an ear to the kids. Their current conversation winds down and Kurt brings up her approaching departure.

"It's gonna be so weird here without you."

From the corner of her eye, she sees Rachel frown. "It won't be for real long. Winter break will be soon; we were gonna go home then anyway. I'm returning for next semester."

They hope. But that's not something Shelby wants to bring up just yet. She and Scott share a look, silently agreeing to wait until they're home to address it.

"I know, it just sucks. I mean, I get it, yeah, you should go home early. It just really sucks about the Winter Showcase."

Everyone tenses. Scott and Shelby whip around to look at the kids. Kurt is frozen, staring at Rachel with wide eyes. Rachel has paled dramatically and her entire body is rigid.

"What?" The forlorn question is more of a rasp than a word. Her hands grip the couch cushions to stay upright.

Kurt's mouth hangs open and Shelby can tell from the look in his eyes that he regrets bringing it up. "I—I—I just—I mean, obviously you can't compete. No one would expect you to. So—so I'm sure you'll get another chance to next year."

Devastation is the only way to describe the look on Rachel's face and the tone of her voice. "No."

Cautious, Shelby stands. "Honey—"

"No." Firmer this time.

"Rachel, I'm sor—"

Tears are already making their way down her face. "No! I—I—I earned that! I worked my butt off and got invited to perform by my talent and hard work!"

"I know, honey. You earned it. You deserve it. But you need to go home."

Rachel is shaking her head. "I don't! I wasn't fighting it because I understood it, but that was before—I mean—I can't believe I forgot—I—"

Shelby lays a hand on her arm. Rachel jerks her arm away. Knowing her daughter needs a bit of space while her emotions are running high, Shelby doesn't take offense. "I'm sorry, Rachel. You need to rest."

"I've been resting! And it's not for a couple more days! I can rest, then perform, then go home."

With her shoulders squared and head raised in defiance, Shelby can tell she won't be backing down without a fight. Unfortunately for her, Shelby is not prepared to back down without a fight either. Shelby straightens her own back. Let the match commence.

"No."

"Mom—" Swing and miss.

"No, Rachel. We're taking you home. Tomorrow." Block.

"I'm not going. Not until after the showcase." Sidestep and hit.

"And I am telling you that isn't happening." A knock back.

"You can't drag me home against my will!" A backhand.

"I can, actually, I am your mother. You are the child. What I say goes." Sweeping kick.

Rachel's face settles into a defiant glare. "Only until I'm 18." Uppercut. Blood is drawn.

Shelby flinches back in shock, her mouth falling open. Rachel has never talked to her like this before. Anger and fear bubble up inside of her, her desperation to get her child home overriding everything else in this moment. "I don't care how old you get, I am the parent so I know better! And as long as you're on my health insurance, I am in charge of your health. Your doctor said you need to rest. I need to take you home." Round two.

"But I don't need to go home!" Rachel snaps. "Just because you need me to doesn't mean it's what I need! I need to rest, the doctor didn't say I had to go back to Ohio to do it." Swing and hit.

"Rachel—"

Rachel shoves herself up off the couch. Shelby instinctively reaches out to grab her arms. Her daughter knocks her hands away. "No! I'm not going! Not until after the showcase!"

She staggers a couple steps away. Shelby's heart is thudding wildly. Thankfully, Finn has entered the living room and drops his bag while keeping his eyes on Rachel. He approaches her slowly. When she wobbles, he grabs her arms. Shelby watches with a mix of jealousy and relief as Rachel allows him to support her weight.

"This isn't exactly proving to me that you're resting." Shelby snaps. Her anger cools a little as she watches Rachel's angry expression crumble and the tears start up again.

"I—I'm—I'm so tired—of this." Her daughter stammers out. "Why—why do I a-always have to suffer? Why?" Finn adjusts his arms so he's wrapped around her in an embrace from behind. Rachel leans back into him, crying and talking, venting her emotions. "It's not fair! I worked so h-hard! I earned this!"

"I know, honey."

Chest heaving, Rachel angrily wipes away her tears. "I've been doing my best to—to really live and enjoy my life. Just in case I don't end up surviving this. Missing out on this amazing opportunity would be…" She trails off, taking in shuddering breaths. "I can't miss this. I won't. I don't have much control over my health, but I can control this."

"I—" Shelby cuts herself off, not sure how to respond.

Rachel's broken gaze meets hers. "I've suffered. I've nearly died several times. I could still die. So anything I'm able to do that I want to do, I'm not going to miss out on." A knockout, ending the match.

Shelby takes in deep gulping breaths. A warm hand pressed against her back, steadying her. Scott's silent support helps keep her calm. Her mind races. Of course she wants Rachel to get to perform at the showcase. It's an incredible opportunity and her daughter is thrilled and excited to go. But she needs to rest. She is well aware that Rachel is attempting to manipulate her, but again, she can't really blame her. She stares into her daughter's eyes and something clicks. She's fighting again. Ever since her severe attack, she has been morose and depressed. She hasn't been the upbeat, hopeful girl she's been the past few months. It scared Shelby, worrying her that this caused her to consider giving up so she doesn't have to face any more severe attacks. But now, the fight is back in her. Her eyes are shining again, even if it's with determination instead of hope. She's still fighting for what she wants. And isn't that better than having her depressed and giving up? Shelby takes a moment to imagine forcing Rachel to go home against her will. She imagines the girl curling up in her room, refusing to come out, refusing to talk or eat, wasting away in her bed, her spirit crushed. No. This is better. But she needs to rest. Shelby takes in a shaky breath, considering her options.

"You will rest and limit your mobility leading up to the showcase. You will eat and stay hydrated. You will use your oxygen for ten minutes three times a day, regardless of how you're feeling. You will not rehearse for the showcase until the day before, and only for an hour at a time, with at least an hour of rest in between."

"But—"

"I know for a fact that you've been working hard on this song for weeks. I'm only allowing you to rehearse one day in order to keep you calm and reassure you that you're ready. After the showcase, you're coming back here and going straight to bed. The next morning, we're catching a flight home. You will come home without complaint. At home, you will follow my instructions to the letter, do you understand me?"

Rachel's body has relaxed into her boyfriend's hold and her face is calm. "Yes. I understand."

Stomach flipping, Shelby nods. She wonders if she should admit that she's only agreeing to this for her mental health. Maybe later. Rachel grabs Finn's arm and indicates that she wishes to walk. Finn supports her as she heads to Shelby and wraps her arms around her.

"Thank you, Mom."

"Thank me by keeping your end of the bargain."

"I will. I promise."

Kurt groans and slumps back into the couch. "Thank God that worked out."

"Well, we'll see. I'm agreeing to her performing, but if she's not up to performing by then, she won't."

"I will be." Rachel insists. "I'll keep resting." Seeing them all look at her expectantly, she rolls her eyes. "Starting now."

Rachel sits on the couch. Her brother slides down so he's resting his head on her lap. "Sorry, Tink. I didn't mean to upset you."

"I can't believe I forgot about it."

"You had bigger things on your mind."

Rachel shrugs slightly, clearly not completely agreeing. "Like you said, it's all working out."

Shelby really hopes it does. For all their sakes.

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Rachel sits in a chair by the door to the Round Room and focuses on breathing normally. She wishes Finn could be with her, but she understands why he can't. She's already lucky that her mother and brother are able to be here. And while she always wants Finn by her side, when it comes to singing her mom and Kurt are the ones who would appreciate this moment the most. Kurt takes her hand and squeezes.

"How're you feeling? Physically and otherwise."

"I don't know, I feel like I—like I got this. You know? Look, I know I may not be a, like, a typical beauty. No one's gonna ever pay me to walk the runway on Fashion Week or I'm not gonna cure cancer, write the Great American Novel, but if you give me a stage to sing on I know in my gut that there's no one that can beat me."

Kurt smiles widely and chuckles. "I don't know how you can be so calm, but I'm glad."

Rachel chuckles with him. "Oh, God. I'm terrified! But, um, I know who I am, and I know what I'm gonna do. I'm just gonna go out there like I'm never gonna get a chance to sing again."

"You will. Get more chances. Many more chances." Her brother says seriously.

"I know. You know what I mean, Kurt. I'm gonna to go put my absolute best into this. Pour my heart and soul into it. Do my best but also truly enjoy it. That's what I mean and you know it."

Kurt shrugs. "Yeah, but it bears repeating. And you're right, by the way. No one in there can beat you. So go prove it."

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"Welcome to the New York Academy of Dramatic Arts' annual Winter Showcase. While this is a competition, it is also a celebration. Each year, our faculty chooses ten students who exemplify the best of what we are trying to achieve. Our first performer is Alexandra Blasucci."

A swell of pride fills Shelby. Her daughter exemplifies the best of the best of a school that already only accepts the best of the best. She glances down at the screen of her phone. Still blank. She's jealous of her nephew; Kurt is with Rachel outside, keeping her company until she's called to compete. She knows she's lucky. Most parents are not invited to attend the Winter Showcase. Hell, Scott and the rest of Rachel's friends are all upset they don't get to go. This is such a prestigious event that they limit guests. Shelby and Kurt are the only ones who received permission to attend. And Shelby's fairly certain Carmen Tibideaux only let her attend because of the severe attack. Chances are she wants another person around who can help handle any medical issues that could potentially pop up with Rachel. Despite focusing half of her attention on her phone and the door in case Rachel needs her, she has been paying attention to the other performers. They're good. Really, really good. Rachel has some tough competition, but Shelby has full faith in her winning this thing. Kurt slides into the seat next to her.

"She's going on in less than a minute. She's literally right outside the door." He whispers to her.

"How is she?"

"Nervous. Eager. Excited. She's ready."

Shelby releases a breath and nods, refocusing on the song being sung. They applaud when it ends. Madam Tibideaux steps forward once more to address them.

"Our next performer is from the freshman class. Please welcome Miss Rachel Berry."

Rachel walks to the center of the room, looking beautiful and confident, if not a tad nervous. "Hi I'm Rachel Berry and I'm just gonna sing for you."

Shelby smiles. Beside her, Kurt is grinning eagerly. While Rachel has done a marvelous job rehearsing, they both know that when it comes to an actual performance or competition, Rachel has a habit of instinctively taking it to the next level. The music starts and Rachel visibly falls into it.

"Take me back into the arms I love
Need me like you did before
Touch me once again
And remember when
There was no one that you wanted more

Don't go
You know you'll break my heart
She won't love like I will
I'm the one who'll stay, when she walks away
And you know I'll be standing here still

I'll be waiting for you
Here inside my heart
I'm the one who wants to love you more
You will see I can give you
Everything you need
Let me be the one to love you more

See me
As if you never knew
Hold me so you can't let go
Just believe in me
I will make you see
All the things that your heart needs to know

I'll be waiting for you
Here inside my heart
I'm the one who wants to love you more
You will see I can give you
Everything you need
Let me be the one to love you more

Some way
All the love that we had, can be saved
Whatever it takes, we'll find a way
Believe me
I will make you see
All the things that your heart needs to know"

The build up to this point has filled the room with eager anticipation. Rachel crafted it well, hitting every note perfectly with just the right tension and belt, building up to the finale. She knew just when to sing softer and when to be louder. And the crowd is eating it up. A small part of Shelby fears for the end of this song. Rachel has to hold the final note for a solid thirty seconds. A sustained belt for thirty seconds when about a week ago she was in the hospital using an oxygen mask. Shelby and Kurt grips hands, praying Rachel makes it through the end of the song.

"I'll be waiting
Here inside my heart
I'm the one who wants to love you more
'Cause you see I can give you
Everything you need
Let me be the one to love you more"

For only a second, there is a pause of silence when the song ends. As if coming out of a dream, the audience suddenly roars to life. There are many things that make her daughter incredible. But singing will always be at the top of the list. The girl is a star. She was meant to shine. Shelby has seen that since the first time she saw her perform and every time since she puts on a wonderful show. She is always impressive. This moment, this performance, is possibly her best ever. Her voice and emotion filled the room, giving everyone present goosebumps, chills, tears, or some combination of all three. A lump sits in her throat, but she stands along with everyone else and applauds heartily. Her daughter looks out at the crowd of fellow students, professors, and special guests, all giving her a standing ovation, and beams. When voices begin calling for an encore (Kurt loudest of all), Rachel's jaw actually drops and Shelby sniffles. Uncertainly, Rachel turns to look at Madam Tibideaux. The smiling woman gives a nod and Rachel turns to talk to the musicians behind her. Everyone else retakes their seats, eagerly waiting for the next song.

"This is my favorite holiday song that I'd like to sing for you today."

As soon as the first couple notes start playing, Shelby smiles knowingly. She'll never forget the first time she heard her daughter sing this song.

"O, holy night, the stars are brightly shining
It is the night of our dear saviors birth
Long lay the world in sin and error pining
'Til he appeared and soul felt its worth
A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks, a new and glorious morn
Fall on your knees; oh, hear the angel voices
O night divine, O night, when Christ was born
Oooohhh night divine
Oooh night oooh night
Ooohh night divine
Oooohhhh night divine"

When Rachel hit the high note at a belt, tears sprung to Shelby's eyes and goosebumps danced along her arms. It was so beautifully sung. She hadn't thought it possible, but it was a lot better than when she sang it three years ago. Again, the audience is on their feet applauding and cheering, with whistles and hoots added in. Rachel is smiling brightly, but Shelby's applause slows when she notes how pale Rachel has become. And how she's standing; tilted slightly, as though off balance. Madam Tibideaux walks up to Rachel.

"Rachel, that was wonderful. No. It was superb. And—" Rachel sways. The woman reaches out and grabs her arms, keeping her steady. "Perhaps a bit much for you, I suppose." She turns to the audience. "Miss Berry has only been out of the hospital for about a week and still managed to put on that performance. But now we're going to have a brief intermission."

Kurt and Shelby were already standing and slowly walking towards them while the woman was speaking. When she finished, they moved faster and grabbed Rachel by either arm and assisted her to a seat between them. Yero rests his head on her lap, watching her carefully. Shelby grabs the oxygen tank out of her bag and hands the nasal cannula to her daughter, who immediately puts it on. Rachel sits between them, holding their hands and just breathing, trying to catch her breath. She needs to go to bed, but Shelby also knows she'll want to stay to hear who the winner is. Shelby just hopes it goes by quickly. Intermission ends and several more performers are called up to perform. They're excellent, but they're not to Rachel's level. After the last performer has gone, Madam Tibideaux announces another brief intermission while the judges determine the winner. Shelby turns to Rachel.

"How are you holding up, honey?"

"Really tired." She admits quietly. "But no matter what happens…..I'm really glad I got the chance to do this."

"Me, too." Shelby smiles. "And you're still coming back to Ohio with us tomorrow."

Rachel rolls her eyes. "Yes."

Kurt groans. "This sucks. I'm not gonna see you for almost three weeks!"

Rachel kisses his cheek. "You'll be so busy you won't even notice."

"I'll notice." He says quietly.

Shelby swallows and looks away. She has already allowed Rachel to stay in NY longer than planned and attend the Winter Showcase. She's not about to be guilted into letting her stay until winter break starts. They lapse into silence until the judges return.

"All of our performers are the cream of the crop, the best of the best of what the best has to offer. Just being invited to perform at this event is an honor. But there can only be one winner. After deliberating and discussing the performances in detail, we have come to a unanimous decision. The winner of the 2012 Winter Showcase is Miss Rachel Berry."

Shelby smiles and looks down at Rachel. Her daughter looks stunned. She nudges her and the girl blinks, then a smile blooms on her face. Kurt leans over and kisses her cheek.

"So, if Miss Berry feels up to walking up here to accept her award and accolades, please come up here once more. If you don't feel up to making the trek, I can bring it to you."

A flush appears on her cheeks and Shelby knows Rachel is embarrassed, but it was a reasonable question. Everyone here knows she's sick, they all now know she was in the hospital not long ago, and they all saw her sway and need help getting back to her seat. Besides, she has absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Kurt immediately stands and offers her a hand, which Rachel accepts. He helps her stand and makes sure she's steady before releasing her. Rachel gives him a reassuring smile before walking to the front unaided. She keeps her head up and her eyes on Madam Tibideaux, but still moves slower than normal, her hand hovering slightly by her side in case she needs to grab something or someone. Shelby is relieved she's not pushing herself but hates that it means she's still exhausted and needs to truly rest. When she gets to the front, Carmen gently takes her arm, then turns her so she faces the audience, moving her arm to rest on Rachel's back.

"Rachel Berry has proven to all of her professors that she is hard working, talented, and driven. She doesn't let any challenge keep her down for long. She has our respect. Now, she has our accolades as well. Congratulations, Miss Berry."

The dark skinned woman hands her an elegant plaque. The audience applauds even louder. Rachel accepts it humbly. "Thank you."

Rachel starts to head back to her seat, but pauses and lets her eyes rake over the professors sitting together on one side of the room. Her eyes land on her dance teacher. She raises an eyebrow and raises the plaque just the slightest bit. Having heard of the animosity between them, Shelby bites back a grin at her daughter's silent challenge. She watches the blonde lady, who rolls her eyes, gives a half grin, and nods to Rachel. Satisfied, Rachel slowly returns to her seat. Shelby wants to wrap her in a hug to congratulate her, but doesn't want to embarrass her. She'll wait until they're outside.

For once, a slow moving crowd works in their favor. Rachel is able to move slowly without standing out in any way since everyone is moving slowly. Kurt keeps an arm around her waist and chatters on about the showcase while Shelby walks behind them, keeping an eye on her daughter. She can tell by the way she drags her feet that she's exhausted. Kurt practically lifts Rachel into the Uber. While Shelby is glad Kurt is strong enough to lift Rachel, it depresses her to know that's the only reason why he's as strong as he is. His workout is supporting Rachel, holding her weight, or flat out lifting her. The girl falls asleep on the way home, so Kurt sends a text to Finn. He may be strong enough to hold her weight or lift her, but he can't carry her. Especially not up stairs. Finn hurries out to meet them and easily lifts his girlfriend into his arms. The combination of being jostled and the sudden exposure to cold air wakes her. She looks up at Finn and smiles tiredly.

"I won."

He grins down at her. "Of course you did."

The way he said makes it clear it was the only outcome he expected. Shelby makes a mental note to get him an extra nice Christmas gift this year.

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Rachel napped for a several hours. When she woke up she was treated to a nice, though late, dinner with everyone. They praised her while also complaining that they didn't get to be there. Kurt sheepishly admitted to recording it even though it was against the rules. When he saw their expressions, he quickly defended himself.

"Only Rachel! And only an audio recording. I didn't like record a full video or anything."

"Well what are you waiting for? Play it!" Finn demands.

They all sit quietly and listen to the recording of Rachel singing her two songs. Rachel listens with a critical ear, noting where she could have improved and what she needs to work on. She expected her mother to be doing the same, so she's surprised to see the woman simply smiling happily while listening. Rachel is already tiring by the time dinner ends. She knows she's not fully recovered yet and she knows that if she hadn't had the showcase, she'd already be home in Ohio. Noah beats Finn to getting to her and picks her up. Finn glares at him for a moment before sighing. Noah is grinning cheekily at his best friend.

"Don't worry, dude. I'll take your girl up to bed."

Rachel swats him and Finn goes back to glaring. "Just don't kiss her goodnight or anything."

"Well now I have to." He announces before taking off for the stairs.

Even with Finn following them in a playful chase, Noah moves carefully on the stairs. Once they're on the second floor he moves faster and jogs into Rachel's room, quickly shutting the door behind them with his foot.

"Noah, what are you doing?"

He places her on the bed. "Pissing off Finn." Just as the door opens, Noah leans down and places a big, loud, dramatic smack of a kiss on her cheek. "Mmwhaa! Goodnight, my Jewish-American princess."

Rachel laughs as she kisses his cheek back. "Goodnight, Noah."

"Get out, Noah." Finn orders.

Noah gives a mocking salute and saunters out the door. Rachel is still chuckling when Finn plops on the bed with her.

"He's just messing with you." Rachel says while running her fingers through his hair.

"He knows anything involving you riles me up. I know he's joking, but….."

"But you're still a little possessive." She finishes for him.

"Does it bother you?" He asks worriedly.

"No. You're not rude about it or controlling. You just…..love me so much that you want me all to yourself. I get it. I'm the same. If any girls started flirting with you in front of me, I don't imagine I'd be subtle about shutting it down."

Her boyfriend grins and kisses her. "Good. You're the only one for me."

"Ditto."

"Alright, I'll send your mom in to help you get ready for bed."

Rachel sighs. "As much as I love spending time with her, I prefer it when it's you helping me."

"Well I don't think your mom would appreciate me undressing her 'baby girl'. And Scott would beat me to a bloody pulp if he thought I was taking advantage of you."

"True." She says with a grin. "Thanks, Finn."

He pauses at the door and looks back at her. "You know…one day, it will just be us. Doing everything together without anyone else in the way."

The thought makes her heart flutter. "I can't wait."

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Saying goodbye to her friends, even for just a couple weeks, was harder than she expected. There were lots of hugs and tears. She'd apologized to Noah; they'd talked of doing their own little Hanukkah celebration and now he'll be alone through it. Noah had kissed her cheek and assured her he wasn't upset about it. She had to convince her parents that she did not need a wheelchair at the airports. She just needed them to walk slowly and be next to her so she could hold on to one of them if necessary. The flight home was boring and uneventful. A couple days ago she'd sent an email to all of her professors, explaining that she'd be ending the semester early but could still do any work they sent to her. Two of her professors waived her end of semester assignments, insisting that winning the showcase was good enough for them for replacing her finals. Others sent the assignments and told her to take her time completing them. Cassie sent a sarcastic response about practicing her dancing at home, but did send a list of moves to practice if she feels up to it…and if she can find a competent instructor at home since clearly she can't do it on her own.

Coming home weeks early felt like defeat. It wasn't the feeling of being half excited and half relieved that she'd felt over fall break or expected to feel for winter break. Now, it's just…..sad. Rachel is hoping that since she won the showcase, she won't be asked to leave school until she's better. Her first two days home were spent sleeping or resting on the couch. Uncle Burt came over the first day home and she enjoyed catching up with him more in person, then falling asleep curled into his side on the couch. Blaine came over the second day and spent hours with her. He'd hugged her for a long time without a word, but she understood. And she appreciated it. Her aunt and uncle also came to visit, which was nice. Especially since Hanukkah had just started. After being home and resting for a couple days, she felt mostly back to normal and was already getting bored. She'd completed all of her assignments except for the dance practice. She won't lie to herself; she has been enjoying being home and with her mom more. But she already misses the others. She'd thought about going to McKinley, but decided against it. She doesn't want to go back without the others. She also has no interest in meeting the newbies other than Noah's younger brother. Nor does she want to risk catching any germs. She'd been wondering if the reason she really hasn't gotten sick (like cold or flu type sick) much since moving to New York is because the others at NYADA are more careful to prevent illness than high schoolers are. Or if high school is just a cesspool of illnesses, since you're trapped in the same building with hundreds of other kids. She's afraid if she goes back, she'll catch something. She did have to promise Blaine that she'll come visit him at school at least once before winter break. Rachel put her foot down and said she'd only do it if it's a brief visit and the others keep their distance so that she doesn't risk catching anything. He'd understood and easily agreed.

Yero seems to be enjoying being home. He doesn't have a large yard to run around in in New York. His tail's been wagging nearly non-stop and he can't stay still. He moves from one favorite spot to another, happy as a clam. She talks to those still in New York daily, but it's not the same. She got to spend most of Hanukkah with her family, which was nice. Since she promised she was feeling up to it, they made the drive to her grandparents house and the Corcoran clan all celebrated together. Scott admitted that he enjoys learning about their faith, but won't be converting and still prefers Christmas. Rachel and her mom had laughed and said they figured as much. Hell, Rachel admitted to enjoying celebrating Christmas as well. Mostly because she enjoyed getting into the holiday spirit with Kurt and Uncle Burt, but still. Plus she loves Christmas songs. When she pointed that out, her younger cousins begged her to sing all the Hanukkah songs she knows. They spent the weekend at her grandparents house, catching up and enjoying spending time together. No one commented on it, but Rachel could tell that her severe attack rattled everyone else, too. They're getting scared again. She forced herself to shove down her own fears and put on her best smile for them. Even if her lighthearted attitude is currently an act, she hopes it's good enough to make the others think she's doing well. Overall she is. She's scared as well, but physically she's the same as usual. Rachel just tires easier, but she's hoping that starts fading as she recovers from the severe attack.

Alone in her room at home, she snuggles with her dog and looks out the window. Soon. Her boyfriend, brother, and other friends will be back here soon. As much as she loves the time with her "Ohio loved ones" as she's been mentally referring to them as, she misses the others. The ones she intends to make a life with in New York. This is a relaxing break, but it's not the life she wants. She wants to marry Finn and live in New York with Kurt, Blaine, and the others. This is a chance to really rest. And she has needed this rest. But she needs the hope of a bright future in New York with her boys just as much. Nothing and no one will stop her from fighting for that future. Not even the possibility of severe attacks or dying.

She falls asleep imagining life as Mrs. Rachel Hudson; wife, mother, sister, friend, daughter, and Broadway star.

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