Chapter 16

Finn Hudson stares blankly down at his notes. He doesn't feel like studying, but he knows he needs to. He still doesn't get why he needs to take Math, English, and History classes when he's gonna be a gym teacher. That's not the only thing bugging him right now. Once again, Rachel isn't home. More and more as the school year progresses, she chooses to stay on campus to hang out with her school friends or rehearse more. Also, sophomores and up have a "Free Sing" class. Whenever someone sings really well, Rachel has as flare of nerves that she's not the best and spends more time rehearsing for the next few days. Generally she comes to him (or Kurt or Blaine or her mother) when this happens, looking for reassurance and comfort. He calms her down, convincing her that just because there are other talented singers doesn't mean she's not good enough. It amazes him that she can have moments of low confidence after all the proof that she's doing amazingly well. He wonders how much of it is just nerves over her future career (the classmates she's hearing sing well are the people she'll be competing against for roles, after all) and how much of her nerves are exasperated by the fact that they're nearing the five month mark of her remission.

She's doing well. She has less days where she struggles to get out of bed. She gets less headaches. She hasn't had any unexplained dizziness. She hasn't been too tired or exhausted after long days. However, the possibility of that all changing suddenly is constantly in the back of all their minds. Especially Rachel's. Especially as they near the five month mark. That's all she got last time. A five month break from aplastic anemia. She's been calling her mom more often these days. When she's home, that is. He sighs, wondering how late she'll be this time. For a while, especially after they finally started having sex, they were inseparable. As she started feeling better, she started spending more time out with new friends and less time at home. Less time with him. He doesn't begrudge her this time. He knows how thrilled she is to finally be healthy enough to act like a normal teenager and not have to come home to rest right after classes. Still, he misses his girl. He's made a few friends of his own, but he's not close to them. He met up with two of them after classes once, but that's it. He mostly hangs out with them on campus between classes. Maybe he should change that. If Rachel is gonna be spending more time with new friends, maybe he should do the same.

He's starting to feel cramped in this house. With Blaine, they now have eight people squeezing into one townhouse. It's not that big of a townhouse, either. Finn enjoys getting to live with his girl and his closest friends, he really does. It's just….a lot of people in a little space in an already crowded city. He frowns, thinking of life in Ohio. He knows he'd be happier in a small town, no matter what his career is. However, that'd mean he'd lose Rachel. She is destined for Broadway and that means living in the city. He'd never ask her to give it up and there's no way in hell he's walking away from her. He just wishes they didn't have to live in the city for her dreams. The others are still happy here. Blaine and Kurt are also made for life in the city, just like Rachel. Santana loves the city and Brittany is happy anywhere. Sam and Noah don't appear to love city life, but they don't mind it was much as Finn does.

Aggravated by his own thoughts, Finn slams his book shut and stands. He needs to do something. Maybe hit the gym or take Yero for a walk. He just needs to move. He can't stay sitting here and worrying about his future. He can't sit here knowing his girlfriend is hanging out somewhere instead of coming home to him. She doesn't need to. However, to him, that translates to her not needing him.

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Rachel's hands are clasped in her lap, her fingers twitching and feet bouncing. Finn and Kurt are on either side of her. Across from them, Dr. McCann flips through her file. Finally, he closes it and clears his throat.

"So, Rachel, how have your monthly treatments been going?"

"Fine. No major side effects or anything. Just the normal mild ones. I mostly just feel woozy and blah afterwards."

The doctor nods. "That's good. And your other symptoms?"

"Better. Still some tough mornings, but less and less often as time goes by. Less headaches. I haven't gotten dizzy in a month."

"How do you feel after strenuous activity?"

"Tired but not exhausted."

"Good to hear. Rachel, hearing about how you're feeling and reviewing your numbers, I'd say you're still safely in remission. I understand your nerves, but it's been five months are your numbers are still high. You can relax."

A cord has been cut and the weight drops. Rachel's shoulders slump and she releases a hard breath. The boys on either side of her take her hands.

Five months and she's still in the clear. She smiles widely, finally starting to let herself believe she'll have a longer remission this time. Having learned her lesson from last time, Rachel calls her mom to tell her on the way home.

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When Rachel throws herself into her arms, Shelby feels peace once more. She feels she has done well making peace with the fact that her daughter is doing well and living her life in another state. But having her child in her arms is a different sort of peace. They still talk on the phone a lot, but it's not always every day. Rachel has been so thrilled with being healthy (or as close to healthy as she can be) that she's been throwing herself into every aspect of her life. While that thrills Shelby, it is saddening to know that talking with her mom every day is no longer high on her list of priorities. She comforts herself with the fact that Rachel does still call her at least once every other day. They never go more than 48 hours without talking. Shelby wishes it'd be more, but won't push. She has spoken to other mothers of college students and knows she's quite lucky with how often her daughter calls her. And clearly, her kid is still more than happy to see her.

Thanksgiving is finally here. Shelby loves that the kids once again did their own "Friendsgiving" in New York and that all of the kids from their original friend group went. Artie has been going to film school in New York and living on campus in a dorm easily accessible for his wheelchair. Rachel has told her about how they get together once in a while. Having Artie join them was easy. Same with Quinn, who technically isn't that far from them. Mike, Mercedes, and Tina flew to New York for the event. From all accounts (Shelby heard from Rachel, Kurt, Finn, Blaine, and Brittany) it was another success and the kids had a wonderful time. Now it's actually Thanksgiving and they're all home to celebrate with their families. And as usual, the Matthews Berry clan is joining the Hummel-Hudson clan for a Thanksgiving Take 2. None of them would dream of skipping it. They are as much family as their blood relatives. It's a short holiday, a short visit from the kids, but they're all thankful to get to spend time together.

The next day, when the Corcoran-Winters-Matthews-Berry family is playing their annual football game, Shelby can't stop smiling. She wants to bottle this memory to call upon in the future. Everyone is happy. Everyone is having fun. Dylan and Oliver are getting bigger and playing harder, yet while Rachel is now technically healthy, the boys are still careful with her. They tease and joke and playfully threaten, but don't do anything that could potentially bruise. Rachel tries to ease their concerns by tackling them herself, making everyone laugh, but Shelby honestly appreciates that the boys are still cautious.

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Thanksgiving break was too short. Finn has always thought so, even in high school and middle school. He truly doesn't understand how it's still short in college. Rachel had pointed out that they'll get a short break, or possibly no break, in their careers as adults. She said he'll get a short break as a teacher, but there's a chance she won't get a break if the show she's doing runs on holidays. That had made him a little disappointed.

He watches Rachel now. She has a migraine but, yet again, Kurt and Blaine are helping her through it. She's resting on the couch with a compress over her eyes, Kurt curled around her and Blaine sitting on the floor in front of them. She mumbles something about her mouth being dry. Before Finn can even stand to get her water, Blaine is hopping up and hurrying to the kitchen. Finn clenches his jaw. He knows he's being ridiculous. He should just be happy that Kurt and Blaine are happy to help take care of her. But part of him is irritated by it. It's his job and he'd said as much.

"It's not anyone's job. You're not being replaced. They're just helping out so that it's not always you." Rachel had chuckled, then winced at the pain it caused.

She'd meant it to be comforting and lighthearted. She'd meant to ease his feelings. She hadn't.

Replaced.

No, he's not being replaced. He knows this. And yet, here he sits, not moving, watching two other guys take care of his girl. He was teasingly reprimanded when he'd tried to take over. He's not being replaced. However, he's also not needed.

It makes his stomach twist. It shouldn't. He should be pleased to know she has so many people around her to help out. He doesn't understand why he's not.

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Six months. Despite feeling woozy, Rachel can't help but smile up at the bags dangling above her. This is her sixth treatment since going into remission. She has been in remission for six months, longer than last time, and is still doing well. The happiness she feels is threatening to overwhelm her. School is going really well, too. She still has her friends from last year, she has new friends, she has respect from just about everyone, and she'd even had "followers" for a while that Kurt and Blaine teased her about. The "followers" were two gay guys and one girl who follow her around praising her, flattering her, and basically just trying to coast on her coattails. When the two guys made a nasty comment about Kurt not getting in right away, Rachel snapped at them that he deserves to be here more than they do. Kurt, who'd been nearby and overheard, came over and added on that they only follow Rachel around because they know they're not good enough to cut it themselves. Rachel had felt no guilt watching the guys storm away. She was honestly relieved. Their constant attention was kind of annoying. After they left, Kurt had thanked her for defending him. She'd responded that he was a moron for thinking she'd do anything else and that'd been that. Except not. The next day, the one guy had come back and challenged Kurt to Midnight Madness (NYADA's version of a Fight Club). Rachel and Blaine went as support (Brody was there to run it), though neither were surprised when Kurt won.

A nurse comes over and disconnects the IV from her arm. Rachel looks down at her forearm where the bandage is covering the newest hole. There's less. For years, she was used to her forearms being covered in little red dots from weekly or bi-weekly treatments. Now they're monthly. They have time to heal before the next one and they alternate arms. She is no longer self conscious of her inner arms. Her smile vanishes when she stands and the world tilts. Finn quickly grabs her arms to steady her.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, just give me a moment."

He stays still and she leans into him, letting him support her weight. It passes and she's back to just feeling woozy. She starts walking and Finn keeps pace beside her, his hand on her lower back.

"Just think. It's a whole month before you'll be back." He says with a grin.

He says this every time. And every time, it makes her smile.

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Rachel lays on his bare, sweaty chest, trying to catch her breath. She hums happily, her toes curling and fingers tracing along his six pack abs. Beneath her, Finn is half asleep, a contented look on his face. She is happy. Very happy. She's nineteen years old, mostly healthy, in a committed relationship with the man she loves and intends to marry, has amazing close friends who are more like family, and is doing really well in school. She won the winter showcase for a second year in a row. Blaine was disappointed, since they were competing against one another, but still happy for her. She reminded him that it's huge praise just to be invited to compete. Kurt had huffed and crossed his arms. She felt bad. He's very talented, but didn't get an invitation. He was a bit bitter about it.

She loves her life and doesn't want it to change. Finn seems happier this year than last year and that thrills her. But he's still not as happy as she is here. There are still times she can tell he's not happy. There are times he watches her with a look she can't decipher. There are times he admits to still not liking the city. She has no idea how they'll handle this. He hates the city and she loves it. If it was just about city living, she'd be happy to give it up and live in the suburbs for his happiness. She can just visit the city. But her career will be based in the city. She hates the idea of a long commute, but supposes it's a sacrifice she's going to have to make for Finn's happiness. However, when she brought that up to him, he got upset. He doesn't want her making sacrifices for him. He doesn't like the idea of her having a long commute, either. She frowns, some of her joy at their lovemaking fading as worries creep in. She will not give up Finn. But she won't give up Broadway, either. He understands, but he shouldn't have to sacrifice his happiness for her. It's one of the few things they argue about these days. Then again, if she's being honest with herself, they haven't actually been spending as much time together as she'd expected this year. And the time they do spend alone together isn't really about talking. She spends a lot of her free time on campus either rehearsing, helping out professors when they ask, helping classmates when they ask, or just hanging out with friends. Finn has been spending more time on campus, too. He's finally let himself make some friends with classmates and hang out with them. He and his friends (new and old) hang out around the city, too. But he also spends more time at home than she does. He's made a few remarks to her about how little time she spends at home. She'd responded that he hadn't exactly been taking her out on dates lately. He'd quickly rectified that. They now have a weekly date night. Still, sometimes he gives her irritated looks when she comes home from campus late. Usually she can kiss it away. Always, she focuses on him once she's home; asking him about his day, doing something he likes to do, etc.

They'll find a balance. They'll figure it out. She knows it.

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"No more treatments!" Rachel crows.

She dances around, absolutely thrilled. Brittany immediately joins her laughing and nearly as giddy as Rachel herself. Rachel has been in remission for eight months. Her numbers are high. Her doctors feel comfortable stopping treatments, but she'll continue to get bloodwork done every month for the next year. If her numbers drop, they'll resume treatments at once every other month. But for now, and hopefully for forever, they are done.

No more treatments.

The others decided this calls for cake. Kurt runs out to an Italian bakery and brings home a cake to celebrate.

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"You're sure you don't want me to go with you?" Finn asks again.

Rachel kisses him. "I can go across the city by myself, Finn. I promise."

He nods, holding back the sigh itching to escape. She's healthy. Or at least as healthy as she'll ever be. There are rare mornings where getting up is a struggle, but they're truly rare now. Migraines are equally rare. She tires after strenuous activity, but nothing extreme or worrisome. Rachel has more energy than she's had in years. She has been joining the others when either jogging the streets around their house (with Yero, of course, since he loves to run) or hitting the gym. Scott spent a while talking to her about her strength goals, then emailed her a detailed routine personalized to help her get stronger without risking overexerting her. She is full of life and doesn't waste a moment of it. Finn is thrilled for her and very happy. Relieved. Which is why he doesn't understand when moments like this pop up. Moments when he gets uncomfortable and doesn't want her to go anywhere alone. Especially without him. He's not being possessive and he's glad she understands that. Even he doesn't understand why he has moments like this. She's fine. She's more than fine. Still, Finn hates not being around to help her. Just in case. She got angry the first time he brought it up. He had to talk fast to calm her down and convince her he knows she doesn't need the help anymore. He just loves her so much that he wants to help her with everything. Finn swore to her that it wasn't health related, not really. Except it was and he knew it. She'd relaxed and teased him that if he wants to help her with everything, he can stop leaving his dirty socks on the floor. He'd retaliated by point out her wet towels on the floor. They'd accepted a stalemate at that, much to everyone else's amusement.

"I know. I was just offering." He says, trying to hide his discomfort behind a smile.

She sees through it, as she always does. Luckily, she doesn't press. She kisses him again and leaves to meet her other friends to see an off-Broadway show. He stuffs his hands in his pockets and watches her get in a taxi.

She's fine. She doesn't need his help.

Why does that thought cause his stomach to clench?

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Kurt takes his seat, soaking in the applause from his classmates. He knows he rocked that number and outshone the others who went before him. He hopes Carmen Tibideaux eventually recognizes his talent. He'd like an invitation to the Winter Showcase next year. He sits primly while the next singer stands. Blaine takes his hand and kisses his cheek, quietly whispering that he did an amazing job. He knows he did, but it's nice to hear. Jessica, whom he shares two classes with, is getting set up. Kurt glances around, noting that the room is nearly full. Rachel was going to come today, but then Lydia asked for her help preparing for a vocal test in one of the soundproof practice rooms down the hall. He sighs, wishing she'd been here for his performance. Not only did he want her to hear it, but he loves getting her feedback. Years of one on one lessons with her mom, an excellent vocal coach, has resulted in Rachel herself being really good at catching little things others usually miss. She's good at giving tips and advice, too.

As soon as the music starts, Kurt tenses up. His entire body goes rigid and his heart speeds up. There's no way—but there is. His mouth opens, uncertain if he's going to say "don't" or "stop". He doesn't get to say either. A wave of emotion strangles the words from his throat and drags them back under. He swallows hard, trying desperately to keep himself calm.

"Don't say goodbye
It's not the end
I'm never far awaySo close your eyes and dream
And I will seem to be

Here by your side
And I will mend
The hurt you feel today
Don't say goodbye, just—"

The room blurs as tears fill his eyes. His breaths come in halting gasps. Beside him, Blaine is clutching his hands and talking softly, but he can't make out the words. The world falls away as a memory rushes to the forefront, drowning out everything else. Rachel, dying, saying goodbye to him. So weak she can barely speak, struggling to breathe, and yet forcing herself to sing as best she can. Tears streaming down both their faces. "Don't cry too much, when I am gone." Her thanking him for being her brother. Saying their final "I love you". There's movement beside him. The person on his other side is leaving. Blaine has an arm around him and his face pressed to his, murmuring in his ear. He can't focus on it. He can only hear this fucking song.

"Don't cry too much,
Just smile, be happy now
Be strong—"

Kurt is shaking. His heart feels like it's breaking all over again. He knows Rachel is healthy. She's alive and in remission and right down the hall. He knows this. And yet, this stupid fucking song has dragged his emotions back to how he felt that day in that hospital room, saying goodbye to her. It's like he's there. And then she's beside him. Rachel slides into the empty seat beside him and presses herself against his side. He turns his head to her, muffling a sob in her neck. She presses one hand to the back of his head. He breathes in her scent and squeezes her hand. Blaine is rubbing his back. The song ends and he finally lifts his head. Rachel's sympathetic look nearly sends him over the edge again. Then she kisses his cheek and smiles at him warmly.

"I survived, Pan. No more goodbyes." She whispers.

More of his tension slips away, but some of the grief from that day remains. Despite that, he nods. The room is quiet other than some soft murmurs. Confused, Kurt looks around. They're all looking at him and whispering. His face flushes. He quickly looks to Jessica, who is still standing up at the front, but is frowning at him.

"Are you okay, Kurt?"

"I-I'm sorry. You did wonderfully. I think. I couldn't focus on your singing. The song brought back bad memories."

All that seems to do is confuse everyone more. A guy near him clears his throat.

"You mean like…was it the first big role you lost or something?"

A slightly hysterical laugh splutters out of Kurt. Beside him, Blaine snorts. Rachel is grinning sardonically.

"No." Kurt takes a breath to calm himself. "No, uh….." He glances at Rachel to get her permission to share this personal information. She shrugs and gives a slight nod. "Um…..Most of you know that Rachel is my sister." Most nod. This is fairly common knowledge on campus. "Most of you also know that she's been sick for the past several years." More nods. "But most of you don't know that three years ago she was stage four." The mix of shocked and startled expressions he sees confirms this. "She was dying. She was literally on her deathbed in the hospital and they told us….." he takes a breath "…..they told us it was time to say goodbye. Well, Rachel and I are very theatrical and dramatic, so….so was our goodbye. She was so weak she could barely talk, but she still tried to sing this song. We ended up…like, half whisper-singing and half talking through the lyrics of this song. So when you started singing it, all those memories from that horrible day came rushing back."

Jessica is staring at him with wide, wet eyes. "I-I'm so sorry, I-I didn't—"

"No, no!" He's quick to interrupt her. "Don't apologize! You couldn't have known. I should apologize for distracting everyone's attention away from you. I did not expect that song or the emotions it brought up."

"I'd say we're even." She decides kindly.

He nods his thanks. On Rachel's other side, Lydia is staring at both of them like she's about to break down herself. Poor Rachel looks mildly uncomfortable with the looks everyone's giving her. She finally huffs and rolls her eyes.

"Obviously I survived."

There's laughter at that.

Blaine nods. "They called her a miracle for surviving at all and now she's in remission."

A bunch of those in the room break out in applause. Rachel gives a slight bow. "For the past nine months."

"And counting." Kurt can't help but add.

"Aaaand I should go." Rachel stands. "Wanna come with?"

"Yes, please." Kurt scrambles to grab his coat. Blaine does the same and follows them out the door.

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Finn is antsy. He and Rachel have each been busy with their classes and workloads lately and have had to skip their date nights for the last two weeks. He hates that. So does she. But it's part for life. On top of having to skip date night, they've both been spending more time on campus for group projects and studying and such. Meaning they haven't even seen each other much around the house. He misses her. He knows she misses him. Yesterday morning when they crossed paths for all of 14 seconds, she'd jumped on him and started kissing him fiercely, only to hop off seconds later and call a goodbye over her shoulder as she hurried out the door.

Today, he's making a change to his schedule. He generally has around 45 minutes to an hour between classes for lunch (depending on the day). Today he has decided to go off campus and hurry to NYADA's campus. He knows Rachel normally has lunch as the same time as him (sometimes lunch phone calls are the only time they get to talk until they see each other at night), so he's surprising her. He's going to join her for lunch, even if it means he's a little late to his next class. It'll be worth it. His smile grows as he walks across campus imaging her happy shock when he walks up to her. Her sparkling brown eyes. Her red lips pulling up into a startled smile, revealing her dazzling smile. He imagines the breathy laugh that'll slip out; the one that only happens when she's happily surprised by something.

He heads into the student center where most students go for lunch and eagerly peers around. He nods to those he recognizes from Callbacks. And then he sees her. Rachel is sitting at a table filled with her classmates. She's listening to someone tell as story, then tosses her head back in laughter. She looks so happy. As her laughter subsides, she leans forward and dives into a story of some sort. Her audience is leaning in as well, captivated. A salad sits in front of her, a fork in her hand. She has lunch already. And plenty of company. His eager happiness caves into loneliness. She doesn't need him. She probably doesn't even want him around. Look at her; a princess holding court. And him, the peasant farmer who dreams of being with her but knows he's unworthy.

Finn watches her silently for a moment, then turns and leaves. His shoulders are slumped. Dejected. He has plenty of time to get back to his own campus before his next class begins. He's not worried about stopping for food. He's not hungry anymore.

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Shelby sets her phone down on the bathroom counter and begins brushing her teeth. Her eyes keep glancing down at the screen, waiting. When there's nothing by the time she's done, she sighs and begins her face wash/moisturize routine. Several minutes later, she pats her face dry and picks up her phone to make sure she didn't miss anything. She didn't. She sighs again and pads into the bedroom. Scott is tossing his dirty clothes into the hamper.

"Babe, I think it's time to accept that she won't be calling today."

"Just like yesterday and the day before. It's been three days, Scott! We don't go this long without talking!" She knows she's whining but she can't help it.

Her husband shrugs. "She's growing up, she's healthy and busy. Give her space."

"I am! It's why I haven't reached out to her. I don't want to be pushy, I just want to hear from my daughter."

Scott kisses her cheek on his way into the bathroom. Shelby sets the phone down on the dresser and pulls out her pajamas. She changes and tosses her dirty clothes into the hamper. Unable to go another day without hearing from Rachel, she picks up her phone with a determined look. Scott is standing in the doorway to the bathroom brushing his teeth.

"Don' do ih." He struggles to speak around his toothbrush.

"I need to!" She defends herself. "We've never gone this long without talking!"

Scott yanks the toothbrush from his mouth and points it at her in a playfully threatening manner. "Don't do it!"

Shelby wavers. She doesn't want to be overbearing or stalker-ish, but she does want to hear from her kid. Is that so wrong? "Just a text message, then. I won't call."

Scott spins around and hurries into the bathroom. She hears him spit and rinse before he jogs back into the bedroom. "Don't. Give her space. She's nineteen, Shel! And you know how busy she's been with school!"

"One text message!"

She lifts the phone, unlocks it, and taps on the message app. Her husband is suddenly by her side. He tries to grab the phone from her but she pulls it back.

"Seriously?"

"Yes! I'm helping the kid out."

She's sees the playful twinkle in his eye and knows that while he's being honest, he's also mostly just messing with her. So instead of getting mad, she matches his playfulness and continues their "fight".

"It's one text message!"

"That's gonna make her roll her eyes at her overbearing mother who can't go three days without hearing from her! It can wait until morning."

Shelby climbs on the bed, away from Scott. He follows, crawling after her. She tries to quickly tap out a message, but he manages to climb on top of her and wrestle her arms down onto the bed so she's pinned.

"Scott!" She laughs.

He grins down at her. "Give the poor girl a break."

"I just want to hear from her!" She really does, but at this point it's more about the game of cat and mouse between her and her husband.

"If there was a problem, you'd be hearing from her, Kurt, Finn, Santana, Blaine, or any of the others and you know it! She's fine and probably busy or tired. It's getting late! She might even be in bed already."

She knows it's true. Everything he said is true. But she misses her child. She loves that Rachel is healthy now, but hates that since she's been in remission and doing more, she's been talking to her less. Their phone calls and texts are no longer every day. While they do sometimes talk every day, they dropped to mostly every other day. This is the first time she's gone a full three days without any sort of contact. She herself was busy the first day, then she didn't want to break the silence and seem clingy or overbearing. She doesn't want to be a helicopter Mom. Especially now that she's older and doing so well. However, she didn't expect this to last three days. She needs to hear from her. It could wait until tomorrow, but this game with Scott is fun enough that she pushes on.

"I know that, but one quick message is no big deal! One message in three days isn't clingy!" She argues.

She rolls over, trying to break his grasp. He's still holding her arms and now pulling on the one holding the phone, trying to keep it away from her other hand. They spend a couple minutes wrestling on the bed, laughing at how goofy the whole situation is. She's squirming on the bed laughing to the point of tears when he starts tickling her. A 'ding' from her phone has them both freezing. Shelby yanks her hand free and eagerly looks at her phone screen.

"Hey, Mom! Haven't heard from you in a few days. Been pretty busy. How're things going with you?"

Joy bubbles up inside of her and she grins widely. "Ha!" She shoves the phone into Scott's face so he can read the screen. "HA! Take that!"

The look on Scott's face has her giggling. Pleased, she focuses on her phone and taps out a response.

"I'm good. Busy, too. How're things going? Is Kurt doing better?"

That poor boy had an emotional sucker punch last week and has had two nightmares since. Shelby knows Rachel curled up in bed with him those nights to help him calm down and fall back asleep. Just having her there was enough for Kurt to snap out of it and remember that she's alive and in remission now. She'd felt horrible for him when Rachel had called her that night to tell her about it. She won't lie. She'd had a bad night that night as well. Just hearing about it was enough to bring up her own memories. And she didn't have Rachel there with her to instantly reassure her. Thankfully she had Scott to comfort her. And she spoke to Rachel the next day, which helped.

"He is, yeah."

"That's good."

Mother and daughter text back and forth for another minute before saying goodnight. Scott is lying on his back in bed with his hands tucked behind his head. When she connects her phone to the charger and pulls the blankets up, he sighs.

"I'm never gonna live that down, am I?"

"Nope."

"I was just trying to help her out."

"I'm aware." She grins. "And she'd probably thank you if she knew."

"And it all worked out."

"Hhmm-hmm."

"Sooo….." Scott scoots closer and slides an arm over her side. "…can we carry on with where our night had been heading?"

He gently strokes her skin under her pajama top, his hand sliding up to cup her breast.

"Nope." She says with a grin.

She'd planned to. Their little exaggerated game earlier was definitely leading to a fun sex night. But now that she's finally talked to Rachel she's calmer and now feeling contentedly tired. Her smile widens when she hears him groan and grumble under his breath and roll over so his back is to her. Despite his jesting earlier, she figured he'd have learned by now; don't come between her and her daughter. She'll make it up to him tomorrow night. For now, this little reminder won't hurt.

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The pencil snaps between his fingers. Gritting his teeth, he picks up the pieces and throws them in the trash. He grabs another pencil and glances at the clock. That was a mistake. 9:50 pm. And she's still not home. Finn is glad Rachel is doing so well and living her life. But why isn't she living it with him?

He's trying really hard not to come across as controlling or possessive. He doesn't want to tell her to not go out with her other friends. He just…wants her here. With him. Not always, but more often than she is. It's like she's always busy these days. Just not with him. And not always with members of their framily, either. She goes out a lot. With framily. With friends. With classmates. Alone (though he's glad she tends to bring Yero with her). If she needs something from the store, she goes and gets it. If she wants to go somewhere, she just goes. She doesn't need anyone with her and has been taking advantage of that lately. He really thought she'd have gotten it out of her system by now, but apparently not. He is fully aware of how unfair he's being. Everyone else does the same thing.

A horn honks outside and he cringes, his body tensing even more. He's sick of hearing traffic noises. And people yelling. And people….everywhere. Crowds, all the time. Some streets are dirty and stink. Many have homeless people or drug addicts wandering around. Sirens, honks, music blaring, shouts…..he's sick of it. It's like every time he hears a loud noise like that he tenses up. How do people live like this? Where's the peace? Where's the wind in the trees or the crackling of a fire?

Finn stands abruptly and paces his room. He takes deep breaths. Things are good. He reminds himself of this repeatedly. Rachel is healthy. She's happy and has a bright future ahead of her. He's doing well in school. He's making more friends and being more social. He's getting good grades and doesn't hate all of his classes. He's truly looking forward to being a teacher one day. His friends are around him and awesome, even when they're annoying him. Usually when they annoy him it's just because he needs a little space, which is why he's currently up in his room alone instead of downstairs with the others. Minus Rachel, who is out with friends. And that's okay. It's good. He doesn't need to worry about her anymore. But he does. She doesn't need him to look after her anymore.

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It amuses Rachel that Kurt started his own little band. Brittany is too busy to be in it and Rachel initially said she's too busy as well, but after Kurt pleaded with her she relented. She'll rehearse and sing with them when she has the time. He'd accepted that. Finn plays drums, of course, and Sam and Noah play guitar. Kurt and Rachel take turns with the piano when necessary. For all these needed instruments, they practice on campus where they're available. When they don't need a piano, Finn just drums on an upside down bucket or two instead of going on campus just for drums. They even got a classmate to join them: Elliot "Starchild" Gilbert. He has an amazing voice and stage presence. Rachel was thrilled to meet him (Santana as well). Kurt was initially against him joining the band and it took a while for Rachel to pull the truth out of him. He's a better singer than Kurt and he doesn't want to lose anymore roles or attention than he already feels he does. In high school, he was the best (Finn was male lead because he has a more masculine voice than Kurt). Until Blaine came around, anyway. In NYADA he's struggling with not being the best. He's jealous of Rachel and Blaine already being the creme de la creme. And now Elliott is outshining him as well? He feels like he can't win. Rachel and Blaine talked him through it and encouraged him. He finally felt better about it all and reluctantly let Elliott into their little band. Elliott had been surprised to realize their "band" is really just for fun with no plans of taking it further or anything. But he decided he was fine with that. It's something fun to do outside of classes. They joke that when all of them sing together, they're more like another Glee club than a band. They're more of a band on the days that only a couple of them can join. That's actually an upside to having so many members. Even when one or more people can't participate, they still have enough people to perform and have fun with.

Rachel loves singing with Elliott; their voices go amazingly together. Of course, Santana felt the same and started an argument over who sings with him better. The girls really started snapping at one another because they're both hot headed and both a bit arrogant. They both think they're the best. Santana nearly slapped Rachel when she pointed out that she's in the top of NYADA and won the Winter Showcase two years in a row while Santana has just been a singing waitress. They'd screamed at one another until the others told them to work it out or get out. Finn had pointed out to Rachel that what she'd said was really nasty and uncalled for. She'd known it and already felt guilty, so when Finn flat out said it she started crying. She'd gone straight to Santana and apologized sincerely. At first, Santana had stayed firm, arms folded and glaring at her. But as Rachel continued to cry and beg for forgiveness, Santana had melted and accepted the apology. She'd apologized as well and they'd hugged it out. Later, they'd sat in their shared room and talked through what really made them snap like that so that it wouldn't happen again.

Elliott is a cool guy and fun to sing with. They were all happy to welcome him into their group. Shockingly, it was Kurt who had the hardest time welcoming him at first. It took the others working hard to convince him to let the guy join, but eventually it worked out. Now, they have a new hobby to do together and everyone enjoys it.

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The pole is sticky under her fingers and she's trying not to hyperventilate thinking of why it's sticky. She needs to hold onto it or she'll fall. The train moves quickly under the city and Rachel listens carefully for her stop. When it jerks to the left, she has to cling to the pole to not topple over. She's glad Kurt and Blaine are coming with her but wishes Finn could have. She misses him. It seems silly to say since they live together, but she misses him. They haven't actually been spending much time together. At least not alone time.

Honestly, she's been daydreaming lately of Finn getting fed up with their lack of time together and kidnapping her. In some of her daydreams he carries her into his room and kicks Sam out, then has his way with her. In other daydreams, he takes her to a hotel for the night…..then has his way with her. She'd be a willing captive. She'd do whatever he wanted. She just wants to be with him. But he's been so busy and moody lately. She's afraid to bring it up. What if her asking to spend more time with him just stresses him out more or makes him feel bad that he can't? A couple times in the past month she has slid into bed with him, even with Sam in the room. Not for sex or anything like that. Just to be with him. To cuddle with him. The first time, she'd struggled to wake up in the morning. He'd helped by making out with her (Sam was already downstairs). The second time, she'd had to leave early to go to campus, so she'd lightly kissed his sleeping lips and slipped out of the room undetected. She wants to sleep with him every night. Or at least weekends, so they can spend Saturday and Sunday mornings curled up together. They've done it a couple times, but not lately. She doesn't want to become the clingy girlfriend and steal all of his free time or cross any boundaries. She tells herself it's enough that she knows he loves her. He's busy and stressed. She doesn't need to add to it by spending every moment of their free time with him. He deserves some alone time and since he hasn't exactly been asking to spend more time with her, she thinks he needs it.

She looks over at where Kurt and Blaine are standing a few steps away, holding onto a pole and one another. It's cute. She smiles, happy for them. Her smile slips as she wishes her own boyfriend was here with her. But he's not. He'd made his own plans with his own friends. She's happy for him. Truly. She's glad he's making more friends and spending time with them. She just wishes they could spend a little more time together.

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Meghan is sick of the sycophantic worship of Rachel Berry. The little runt was given more attention than she deserved her freshman year and it was just out of pity because she was so sick. She should never have been let into NYADA. Then she would have won the Winter Showcase, not Berry. The tiny brat isn't as good of a singer as everyone thinks she is and her acting is too over the top. Meghan is better in all areas and is sick of it not being noticed. She truly believed that Berry wouldn't be back spring semester after nearly dying in dance class, then she was. And Meghan was annoyed, but dismissed it. She won't be back for sophomore year. There's no way. But then she had to go into remission and there she was, on the first day of classes, strutting around campus like she owned the damn place. It made Meghan sick. But she played it cool and assumed everyone would finally see the mediocre performer she truly is. Only that's not what happened. They continued to sing her praises and lavish her with compliments at every turn. It makes Meghan's stomach turn. If they won't see Rachel Berry for what she really is on their own, she'll force the issue. She'll shove that limelight stealing bitch front and center and make them all see. Starting with their classmates.

She stalks up to her prey. The short brunette is talking to another short brunette…her freshman friend Blaine. She crosses her arms and sneers down at the girl. Berry blinks up at her in confusion.

"Can I help you, Meghan?"

"Midnight Madness. You and me."

The girl's eyebrows shoot up. Blaine starts choking on the water he'd been drinking. Good. They know this is serious. Blaine looks between them with a pained expression on his face. Maybe they're not such good friends after all. He clearly knows Meghan will demolish his friend and fears for her.

"Alright." Berry agrees easily.

"Are you sure—" He begins lightly, clearly trying to dissuade her.

"Oh she's sure." Meghan snaps. No one will stop this from happening. They need to see that she's better than Rachel Berry. Even if she'd refused, that would have been fine, too. That would tell everyone that she's too scared to face her because Berry knows she'd lose. But this works just as well. She'll wipe the floor with her.

Blaine frowns. "That's not what I—"

"This Thursday?"

"Fine with me." Berry smirks.

Meghan glowers. She wants to slap that smirk off her arrogance face. Her singing on Thursday will have to do it for her. It'll be enough.

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"Oh, my god. You should have been there, all of you." Blaine is gushing, his eyes shining with mirth. "It was hysterical. Why does Meghan think she can out sing you? She's never even been invited to the Winter Showcase and Rachel has won it twice."

"She's arrogant. She grew up rich and spoiled and constantly being told she's the best. When that doesn't align with what's happening in her life, she blames others."

The others look at her in shock. Rachel shrugs. "I talked about it with my mom."

They nod in understanding. Blaine goes right back to retelling the story. "I was asking Meghan if she was sure she wanted to go through with it, considering Rachel's status on campus and well known talent, but she assumed I was talking to Rachel."

"She's probably the most selfish person I've ever met. And that's saying something." Kurt chimes in.

"It took everything in me not to laugh out loud." Blaine admits with a grin.

Rachel turns to Finn. "I know it's normally NYADA students only, but if I can get permission for you to come, would you?"

Finn smiles brightly at her. "Of course. I wouldn't miss it."

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It is not allowed. Rachel frowns, wondering if Brody is just being a stickler for the rules or if he's purposely keeping Finn away. She hates that she has to question that. She wants Finn with her, but doesn't want to cause issues by forcing the matter. She's currently well respected. She doesn't want to do anything that would jeopardize that. She hopes Finn understands. Lost in thought, she walks into dance class. Cassandra July tugs her to the side.

"Meghan challenged you to Midnight Madness? Are you fucking serious?"

"Yeah, how'd you hear?"

"Oh, honey. Nothing happens on campus that I don't know about."

"Well your intel was correct."

Cassie looks her up and down with a calculating gaze. "You know what you need to do."

"I need to beat her." That much is obvious.

"No, no, no. That won't be enough. You need to absolutely decimate her. Humiliate her. Bring your A game."

Rachel smirks. "It's the only game I play."

"Good."

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Finn sighs. "That sucks. I was looking forward to going and watching you destroy her."

She straddles his lap. "Yeah, me too. But at least I'll have Kurt, Blaine, and Elliott with me."

A weird look crosses Finn's face. "Yeah. You don't need me, huh."

Rachel frowns. This isn't the first time he's said that recently. "I always need you." Wanting to lighten the atmosphere, she grins at him. "Besides, who else am I gonna want to celebrate with?" He smile back, but it's not very enthusiastic. Her frown deepens. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah." He promises without any real conviction. "All good."

She eyes him, debating whether to push him or let it go. Catching sight of the time, she sighs. She's responsible for cooking dinner tonight and needs to get started. She doesn't have time to press him to find out what's bugging him.

"If you say so. I'm gonna go start dinner. Artie's coming over, remember."

He looks up at her. "Want any help?"

Rachel almost takes him up on it, but changes her mind at the last second. She doesn't want to risk them starting a serious discussion in the kitchen where anyone can hear. She also wants him to relax. She kisses him lightly. "No thanks, I've got it. Why don't you play video games or do something else to unwind?"

"Yeah. Maybe I'll do that."

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The room is packed. Meghan has her supporters, then Rachel has hers. She does a quick headcount and smirks, realizing most of the people here will be on her side, not Meghan's. Brody looks eager to begin. He keeps glancing at Meghan like she's a car crash about to happen and he can't look away.

"Alright, people. You know the rules. Silent applause only. After both performers have had a chance to sing, you will move to the side of the room they're on to vote for who you think performed best. Got it? Now, since Meghan is the challenger, she'll go first. Pick the song, please."

Meghan stands and gives a haughty smirk to Rachel before sauntering up to Brody. She unnecessarily caresses his arm as she reaches into the bowl in his hand. She lifts the folded piece of paper out and a flicker of excitement flashes on her face for just a moment. Rachel's eyebrow raises in curiosity. She's not concerned. She can sing anything and chances are this is a musical number. Meghan hands it to Brody.

"Okay, the ladies will be singing 'No Good Deed' from Wicked."

Rachel smirks internally but is careful to keep her expression neutral. On either side of her, Kurt and Blaine grip her hands. As excited as she is to sing this song, her mind immediately went to 'As Long As You're Mine' and how much she'd love to sing that with Finn. Maybe at Callbacks or the benefit. Meghan tosses her hair over her shoulder and stands tall. She sings through the song, clearly putting her all into it. She's really good, Rachel will give her that much. Very good. But she's not great. And somehow, despite this being an intense and emotional song, she sang it with little emotion. She mostly scowled and shouted parts of the song and assumed that was emotion. It's not. Fear, desperation, hopelessness, regret…..Rachel knows these feelings. She allows them to build within her, then releases them through her voice as she sings, letting them add a more mature depth to her voice than she's experienced before. She's been working on adding vocal rasps to her singing and uses it wisely in this song. Rachel impresses even herself. She glances to her boys. Blaine is practically holding Kurt back from cheering loudly. Elliott is smiling widely. The entire group is doing the silent cheer for her. Meghan looks like she swallowed a lemon. Rachel smiles, already knowing she won. Brody calls for the vote. The only people who stand on Meghan's side of the room are her two closest friends and the looks on their faces say they know they're wrong. Literally everyone else moved to Rachel's side. A clear victory. Rachel almost feels bad watching Meghan shaking with rage and storming out of the room. But not for long. Relief that she won and probably won't hear from Meghan for a while fills her.

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Since she's only nineteen, the drink in her hand is a mocktail—no actual alcohol in it, sadly. Rachel frowns down at her drink. She could use an actual drink right now. Her NYADA friends wanted to take her out to celebrate her victory over Meghan. She'd hesitated, having promised Finn she only wanted to celebrate with him. It was true then and it's true now. She'd rather be home with him. However, she felt rude refusing to come out with her classmates when they'd been there to support her. And she needs good relationships with these people, since she'll one day be working with them on stage. She's sure Finn will understand, but she still feels guilty. She swallows down a gulp of her drink and puts on a smile, trying not to read into the fact that Finn never responded to her text message about going out with friends to celebrate instead of coming straight home to him.

He'll understand. She's sure of it.

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