Chapter 17

Rachel, Kurt, and Blaine stumble into the house giggling. It's late and dark. They don't want to risk waking anyone who is sleeping, so they shush one another. They tried to be good. They started out with mocktails. However, as the night wore on, the older students started sliding them actual drinks. They only had two each, but since none of them are used to alcohol, it affected them quickly. That alone amused the older students. They were careful not to actually get drunk, but they definitely got buzzed. And are now in very good moods, but very tired and fuzzy. They sit in the living room drinking water and talking quietly for a while, wanting to sober up. Rachel's eyes catch movement on the stairwell and she sees Finn. He's standing there in pajamas, watching her with a peculiar look. She thinks it's disappointment. She squirms, feeling guilty. But when she opens her mouth to call out to him, he turns and heads back upstairs. She doesn't follow him. They both need sleep. They'll talk tomorrow.

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He was already gone when she woke up the next morning. Rachel shrugged it off, figuring she forgot him mentioning he had to go to campus early for some reason. Probably a project or study session. Finals are coming up, after all. She still can't believe her sophomore year is almost over. It flew by. On campus, she discovers that word has already spread. She gets praise and compliments for winning last night. She smiles happily, accepting the praise graciously. She can't swear to it, but she's positive even Carmen Tibideaux gave her a nod and tiny smirk when their paths crossed. Cassandra July had sidled up next to her not long after she walked into the dance studio.

"And that's how you do it."

Rachel had laughed, pleased to get actual praise from the woman. It doesn't happen often.

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Finn is sitting on the couch talking to Noah when she gets home. She didn't stay as late on campus as she'd wanted to because she wanted to get home to talk to Finn more. His eyes flick to hers, then he resumes his conversation. The look that flickered across his handsome face sets her on edge. She puts her stuff away and grabs a glass of water. After a while, Noah leaves to meet up with some coworkers at a bar. Rachel heads into the living room, only to be startled to find it empty. Her heart sinks.

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Days become weeks. The end of the school year closes in. They still haven't spoken about that night. Date nights stopped. Somehow, between being busy prepping for finals and regular life, their opportunities for private, deep discussions have been few and far between. Though Finn's clear disappointment about that night has faded, the slight tension between them hasn't. It can't all be from that one night, Rachel knows this. Despite knowing it, she can't figure out the real cause. And even though she knows they both need to talk, they've both been putting it off. Once summer break begins, she'll drag him to a hotel if she has to just to make sure they have the time and space to really, seriously, talk. About everything. Their futures, the weird bit of distance between them, his attitude lately, everything.

His attitude. She'd been understanding at first, but the snarky comments have been increasing and they're starting to rub her the wrong way. The little remarks about her doing things alone, being out a lot, or doing things with other people are driving her nuts. However, not wanting to fan the flames, she has kept quiet. It won't last. They'll talk and work it out. Later. After summer break begins. Which, thankfully, is soon.

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There's a rare night where everyone is home and no one has anything pressing that absolutely has to be done that night. The framily takes advantage of this by hanging out. They joke about how they live together and yet it feels like a long time since they've all been together like this. Rachel and Finn sit side by side on the couch. The whole house is crammed into the living room to hang out, so Rachel is squeezed between Finn and Sam, with Blaine squeezed between Sam and the arm of the couch. She's plastered to his side, but any time she tries to intertwine their fingers he finds a reason to untangle them. Texting on his phone. Showing someone a video. Grabbing a drink. Rachel swallows back a sigh and stops trying. Instead, she traces patterns on his thigh while talking to Brittany. He grabs her hand to stop her, but at least he holds her hand.

She tries to start a conversation with him about his favorite movie. He smiles and answers her, then starts a conversation with someone else. She has to work to keep her expression calm and not show how she's feeling. This can't all be from her not coming home that one night. It can't. Her mind races, trying to figure out if there was any one particular thing that set this off. Noah turns to Finn.

"Dude, that girl from the frat party keeps texting me. She wants us to perform at her sorority."

Rachel frowns. "What's going on?"

Finn doesn't answer her so Noah does. "Finn and I rocked out performing at a frat party last Friday. It was awesome!"

Rachel tries to catch Finn's eye but he keeps his gaze on the television. "Why didn't you tell me about it?"

"You weren't around." He mutters and stands.

Since she'd been squeezed against him, his sudden absence causes her to partially fall over. She moves over slightly, feeling the warmth he'd left on the cushion. It quickly fades. Her eyes sting and lips press together.

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"Are you sure you don't want help?" Kurt asks his sister.

"Yeah. I can do it."

"Well I know you can, but that doesn't mean you have to stress over it alone." He teases her gently. For one of her classes, her final project is to create a mashup of multiple songs from musicals that either tells a new story or follows a common theme. It's challenging and Rachel has been stressing over it.

She grins at him. "Don't you have your own finals to prepare for?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. And here I am being shoved out when I'm graciously offering my assistance despite my own workload—"

"Which you will never let me hear the end of." She chuckles. "Go on, do your own work. Let me do mine."

"Fine, fine. But if you change your mind and decide you need expert assistance—"

"I know." She smiles sweetly. "I'll call on Blaine."

"Hey, now. That was uncalled for." But smart, he thinks with a mix of pride and jealousy. Blaine would be better than him at creating a new song.

She laughs at his mock offense and playfully pushes him out the door. He leaves smiling, pleased he at least made her smile. She's been pretty stressed preparing for finals. Ever the perfectionist. Kurt goes back to his own room to work on a project. An hour later, he decides he needs a break. And a snack. With finals close and everyone stressed, this week's dinner's have been "fend for yourself" dinners instead of group dinners as usual. Meaning most of them just have a bowl of cereal or takeout for dinner, or skip dinner entirely to keep working, like Rachel clearly plans to do tonight. He glances into her room as he walks by and sees the lines of stress already back on her face as she scribbles away in a notebook. He frowns slightly, disappointed his moment of making her smile didn't last. He sighs. She'll figure it out and get rest soon. He briefly wonders if he should force her to stop and eat, but decides against it. Reminders of needing to "stay healthy" tend to aggravate her and he doesn't want to add to her current stress. Kurt turns to head downstairs and passes Finn coming up. Things have been a little off between Rachel and Finn lately. Nothing wrong per se, but they seem a little stiff. They're not as warm and close as they used to be. It's nothing drastic. They're still clearly a couple in love. But something is off. He's stayed out of it, not wanting to intrude. That doesn't mean he doesn't want to know what's going on, however. Out of curiosity, he pauses on the top stair, out of sight but close enough to hear them.

"Still struggling with the song?" Finn asks.

"Yeah. I'll get it, though." From her voice alone, Kurt can tell she's still tense and distracted.

"I know you will." There's a moment of silence. "I—I could help. If you want."

"Thanks, but I want to figure it out on my own. Besides, Kurt and Blaine have both already offered their help if I need it."

"Right. You don't need me. You never need me."

Kurt rolls his eyes at the self-depreciating tone Finn used. He's been using that tone more often lately and it's annoying. There's a soft thud as if something was dropped or tossed aside in anger. Rachel's voice is filled with frustration.

"You know, you've been making these little comments for months now and I'm tired of it. Of course I need you!"

A derisive snort. "No you don't."

"Well I certainly don't need your attitude. I've tried to be patient, sympathetic, and supportive because I understand that you're still struggling to adjust to city life. But these comments aren't about the city. They're about me. About us."

Heat flares on Kurt's cheeks as he realizes he's now eavesdropping on a private argument. He knows he should leave, but his love of gossip keeps him rooted to the spot.

"You're tired of hearing it? Is that why you stopped spending much time at home?"

"What are you tal—No, Finn. I started spending more time on campus to do better and out in the city to enjoy my life."

"A life you couldn't enjoy here. With me."

"That's not what I'm saying!" Rachel snaps. "I wasn't trying to avoid being home!"

They're yelling now. Kurt wonders how this became a fight so fast. Then it clicks. The bit of tension between them lately has been slowly building. The stress around finals must have been like a powder keg. Then, one little comment was all it took to light the fuse.

"That's sure what it seemed like!"

"You never said anything!"

"Other than those pesky comments." Finn mocks.

Even from the stairs, Kurt can hear Rachel take a deep breath.

"Is that why you keep saying I don't need you?"

"You clearly don't! You turn to everyone but me for help! You've been spending less time around me!"

"We've both been busier! We've both made new friends at school. There's nothing wrong with that!"

"Or maybe you just realized I'm not good enough."

The attitude he said that with is harsh and nasty. Footsteps head in his direction. Kurt's heart skyrockets and he moves as quickly and quietly as he can, practically sliding down the stairs and dashing into the living room. Finn stomps down the stairs, his face a storm. Rachel tears down the stairs after him.

"What the fuck, Finn?! What does that even mean?"

Kurt slides down on the couch, trying to remain unnoticed. Finn spins around to face her.

"It means you don't need me! Every time I turn around, you're handling things yourself or have someone else helping you. Not me."

"You do help me! And what's wrong with me being able to do things on my own now?"

Finn groans. "Nothing!"

"You obviously don't like it, so tell me what's been pissing you off."

"You!" Finn roars. "You, spending more time out of the house! More time away from me! Not turning to me for anything other than sex!"

Kurt watches Rachel's eyes widen and mouth drop open. "I—I—Finn, I didn't realize you felt like that. I'm so sorry. I love you."

"But you don't need me."

"I do!"

"Not enough to lean on me anymore. I used to be the first person you'd turn to when you were upset or scared or even really excited about something. Now I only

hear about things when you're telling everyone else."

"That's not—"

"You haven't needed me in almost a year."

"I ha—"

"I guess you have to be dying to need me." He hurls at her. "I think I liked you better when you were sick!"

It's as though Kurt can see the words physically hit Rachel in the chest, knocking the air out of her. There's a barely audible whoosh followed by all color draining from her face. She staggers back at step.

"What?" She croaks. Her voice is shaking, but it's the hurt in her eyes that cut both men to the core.

From behind, Kurt sees Finn's shoulders fall, the fight falling out of him. Then they tense again as horror fills him at the realization of what he just said. He stammers out an attempt to take it back. "I—I—I—"

Shaking, Rachel turns and leaves the room. Finn hesitates only a moment before following. Kurt leans over the arm of the chair, trying to keep them in view without drawing attention to himself. Rachel is tugging on her sandals as fast as she can and yanking the door open. Hearing it, Yero comes barreling out of the kitchen where he'd been napping. He circles Rachel's legs, making sure she's actually leaving, and follows her out the door.

"Ra—"

The door slams shut. Finn stares at it. "Fuck."

No longer caring about being caught eavesdropping, Kurt stands. "You can say that again."

His stepbrother jumps and spins to face him. "Kurt."

Disgust and anger on Rachel's behalf bubbles up in his chest. "You fucked up."

Finn's face moves between multiple expressions. "This all started because I offered to help her and she turned me down. Like usual."

Kurt moves closer. "No, this started when you let your doubts and low self-confidence block out how much she loves you. But since you brought it up, great job 'helping' her with her final. She really needed the extra stress and emotional distraction with time running short and her emotions already strained."

"I was trying to help! She made it a fight!" Finn argues.

"Well….yeah, okay, she did. But only because she got sick of those self-depreciating comments. You weren't just insulting yourself with those comments. You were insulting your relationship with Rachel every time you said something like it."

Finn flinches back. "I—I didn't—"

A desperate look spreads across his face and he turns to stare at the door as if it'll suddenly open and she'll be standing there. Kurt sighs.

"Aren't you gonna go after her?"

"Does she even want me to?"

Kurt snatches a magazine off the coffee table and storms up to Finn. He whacks the idiot in the head three times, hard.

"Hey! Kurt, what—"

"Get your thick head out of your ass and look at the big picture! You have to decide right now what you want most. A life with Rachel, even if that means living here in the city, and, yes, drama. Or a calm, small town life without her back in Ohio. Decide."

Kurt is heartened when there is absolutely no hesitation in Finn's decision. He grabs his shoes and runs out the door. Kurt releases a heavy breath and drops onto the nearest chair, running his hands over his face and through his hair. If he is emotionally shaken from this, he can only imagine what they're feeling right now.

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Finn feels sick. His heart and his stomach are both twisting. He hates himself for what he said. He hates himself for hurting her. All he can hope is that she'll forgive him. She's already at the corner when he steps outside. He follows. He shouldn't be surprised that she's heading to her campus. Night is setting in. There won't be many people around and there are plenty of benches and grassy patches for Fiyero. As soon as she's found a private corner of campus, she stops walking. Yero is happily bouncing around his little section of grass in a city of cement and pavement. Rachel is watching him with her arms crossed. As Finn nears them, he sees the broken look on her face and his heart twists. He slowly shuffles up to her.

"I'm sorry." She doesn't turn to him. Doesn't react at all beyond the tear he sees slipping down her cheek. "I didn't—Rachel, I didn't mean it."

"No. No, you meant it. That's it, isn't it? When I was dying, you had all the sympathy and admiration from others. 'Oh, the guy with the dying girlfriend. Look how strong and great he is for staying by her and supporting her.'" She mocks viciously.

Anger and hurt stab into him. "That's not tr—"

"But it is. You wanted the sympathy of having the dying girlfriend. I bet you looked forward to me being dead so you could play the part of the mourning boyfriend. Did you ever even plan on marrying me? Or was that all a part of your image? The grieving widower."

"No!" Finn roars. "I never—"

"I bet you hoped I'd die so that you could mourn, be pitied, then move on without ever having to actually deal with me."

"Fuck you, Rachel!" Finn snarls, rage taking control. "If you think that could possibly be true, then why are you with me? Why am I still with you? Why am I still in this loud, crowded, disgusting city that I hate?! I'm putting up with it for you! Because I love you!"

She finally faces him. "I know that! You think I don't feel guilty every day seeing how unhappy you are here? I hate that you're miserable and I hate that I can't let you go because I need you too much. How haven't you figured that out yet?!"

"Because you're never home!" Finn shouts. "You're so focused on Broadway and being the best that you haven't spared a second thought for me or anyone else! Ever since going into remission, you've become focused on Broadway and nothing else. Now that you're healthy again you're more selfish than ever! You only care about yourself! You don't need me, you just need attention and you're getting plenty of it at school. You clearly don't want to be around me. You—"

His words fail him when Rachel's face crumbles, tears streaming down her face. Her voice drips with sarcasm. "Right. Because you've been so loving lately. Maybe that's why I've been so eager to be around you."

"I'm trying, Rachel. I've been trying for months."

"Trying to do what?!"

"To be enough for you!" He yells.

"Are you fucking serious? You seriously think you're not good enough for me? You're the only one for me!"

"If that were true you wouldn't be taking every possible chance to be away from me! Face it, I can't live up to your standards! I was fine for you when you were sick and you needed someone to carry you. Now that you're healthy and perfect, you are realizing I can't compete with the guys at NYADA. Just go date Brody or someone more your caliber." He snarls.

"Why do you keep comparing how I was when I was sick to how I am now?! Am I seriously that different now? Did the good Rachel die, only to be replaced by a complete bitch? Is that it?"

"Seems like it."

"So you don't want to be with me. But instead of manning up and saying it, you're pushing me away until I do it for you! You're a coward!"

"At least I don't ignore everyone who loves me!"

"I don't!" She shrieks. "I don't ignore you! And I don't ignore the others! But they're all supportive of me embracing this new chance at life while you just want me to be the good wife and stay home by your side all the time!"

"It doesn't have to be all the time, just sometimes!" He argues.

"I tried! But I got annoyed being around you when you kept making those comments!"

"I don't want to be with someone who's never around!"

"I can't be with a man who doubts us so deeply!"

"I can't be with a woman who causes those doubts!"

Horror fills him when she tears off her promise ring and throws it on the ground. Finn lunges for it, but misses. The tiny metal ring bounces on the ground before vanishing in the dark shadowy grass. On his hands and knees, Finn desperately searches, scrambling to find the ring, to keep the promise alive. This isn't how it was supposed to go. The ground blurs. This isn't what he—His fingers grip the ring and he sits back on his knees staring down at it. He blinks to clear his vision and is startled to realize he's breathing hard. He looks up at the love of his life. Her face is soaked with tears, her expression pained. Fear grips his heart and he drops his gaze. His fingers flip the ring over and over. Small hands take his. Rachel is kneeling next to him.

"Why?" He croaks.

"How can we have a future together when you constantly doubt us? When you think so little of me? Of yourself?"

He shakes his head. This isn't happening. This isn't— "I didn't mean—"

He can see how hard she's working to keep her emotions in check. "You did. And that's a serious problem. I love you, Finn. I always have and I always will. I will always need you and want you. I want a future with you. But not like this."

She curls his fingers around the promise ring, enclosing it in his fist. With that, she stands and signals for Yero to come to her side. Feeling suddenly cold, Finn watches them walk hurriedly away. He continues to watch until he can't see them anymore, then slams his fist on the ground.

"FUCK!"

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Rachel can barely see through the tears but manages to shove more clothes into her bag.

"You don't have to go." Kurt says softly.

"Seriously, Finn should be the one to go." Santana chimes in from her spot on her bed.

She'd stumbled her way home, barely holding back her sobs. Her brother had been waiting. He caught her in a firm embrace and she fell apart in his arms. However, the moment she heard the front door open she'd pulled away from Kurt and jogged upstairs. Kurt had followed. It seems her gossip loving brother had already filled Santana in.

"I can't stay." She sniffles. "There's that hotel not far from campus. You know the one, Kurt. I'll stay there."

She hurries into the bathroom and gathers some toiletries.

"He'll keep his distance." Kurt tries.

"We'll make him." Santana agrees.

"Finn's not the bad guy here. Don't harass him. I just—I just can't be around him right now."

Kurt nods sympathetically. "What he said was heinous."

"But not half as heinous as what I said to him." Rachel admits quietly.

The other two share shocked looks. So far, all she's said is they've broken up. She hasn't shared any other details and as far as she knows Finn has stayed in his room.

"Uh, do go on."

She stops packing her bag and drops onto the bed. She presses her face into her hands to hold back the newest wave of tears.

"I accused him of wanting me to die so he could play the part of the grieving boyfriend. I accused him of liking the attention he got for supporting me while I was sick."

"Rachel!" Kurt gasps. "How could you?"

Guilt stabs her once again. "I shouldn't have said it! I know it's not true, I was just really hurt and I lashed out!"

Santana shrugs. "Whatever. You two love one another. Like to a ridiculous degree. It'll work out. And if it doesn't, you're young and healthy and beautiful and talented with a bright future ahead of you. You can have any damn guy you please."

Kurt's body language says he agrees but she's glad he isn't voicing it. She sniffles again and wipes her eyes. "I only want him."

"Not to be a bitch, but…..how do you know?" Santana challenges. "He's your first and only boyfriend."

Rachel's stomach flips but she stays silent, not wanting to admit that the same thought has crossed her mind. She's Finn's second girlfriend and he's her first boyfriend. They're not exactly experienced at dating. What if they only think they're deeply in love because they never gave anyone else a chance? She shakes these thoughts away and resumes packing. Kurt leaves the room without a word. Knowing she'll need Yero's service vest so that he can join her at the hotel, she pulls it out of the closet. It doesn't get used often anymore — only when she really wants him to join her at a store or event where dogs generally aren't allowed. He sits patiently while she puts it on him. Santana stops her before she can leave the room.

"Look, I don't see the big deal but I know it hurts right now. So I get why you feel the need to leave. Just don't be a stranger, alright? I don't want you vanishing for a month again."

"Not a big deal?"

"Like I said, you'll get back together. Or you won't and you'll find someone else. No matter what I have no doubt you'll be happy." Santana smirks. "You won't accept anything less."

Rachel frowns, thinking over her words and comparing them to what Finn brought up. "San—do you think I'm too selfish? Do I not pay enough attention to you and the others?"

"You're no more selfish than the rest of us. And you help us plenty. Why?"

"Just something Finn said." She mumbles.

"Well he's a dipshit and you can ignore him. He just had his panties in a bunch and it turned him into a whiny baby. He'll realize how stupid he was and come crawling back to you apologizing. Until then, just ignore him."

Rachel gives her a hug and heads downstairs. She sets her bag down by the door and kneels down to attach Yero's leash to his vest.

"You're leaving?"

Her head snaps up. Finn is frowning and eyeing her bag worriedly. Tears instantly spring to her eyes and she blinks them away.

"Yeah." She stands and turns, putting her back to him. He doesn't need to see her tears.

"You don't have to." His soft voice, normally a comfort, pierces her heart.

"Yes I do." Even with her back turned, her heart calls out to him. Stop me. Call me back. Grab me. Don't let me go. Please, don't ever let me go. Finn doesn't move or speak. She yanks the door open.

"Hey, wait up!" There's fast thumps on the stairs.

She turns in confusion. Kurt is hurrying down the steps with his own bag slung over his shoulder.

"Kurt, you don't—"

"Shut up." He walks right past her and out the door. "Did you call a cab already?"

Giving up on the idea of telling him to stay, she follows him. "No. I was just gonna take the bus."

"Alright, let's go." He loops his free arm through hers.

Rachel's senses are on edge. She listens for any movement behind them, any voice calling them back. There's nothing. They walk silently down the street. Rachel's heart is hurting. She feels hurt, angry, lost, and fragile. A kite blowing away in a storm…no anchor to keep her steady. But having her brother choose to stay by her side without a second thought…..that helps. She loves him so much and will take this time to make sure he knows it. She needs to make sure Finn was wrong and she hasn't been ignoring her loved ones.

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At the hotel, she calls her mom. Kurt steps out to give her privacy and to call his dad. She bawls her eyes out recounting everything to her mom. The woman is supportive and loving and everything she needs to pull herself together. She even offered to come to New York and stay with her while she's in the hotel. She only stopped suggesting it when Rachel reminded her that she's not alone. Kurt is with her. The first night in the hotel, she falls asleep crying in Kurt's arms.

She hates that she's just as upset the next morning. She keeps finding herself feeling her bare finger. It may have been her decision, but it still hurts. Not having his ring, his constant promise, hurts. She stumbles her way through classes, only half paying attention. She brushes off concern from her classmates. Lydia pulled her aside, worried it was health related.

"No. I'm still healthy, I promise." Her lips wobble. "Just heartsick."

"Finn?" Lydia asks gently.

Unable to say the words, Rachel shakes her head. Lydia understands and hugs her. She then proceeds to distract her for the rest of the day. Rachel is grateful. That night, Blaine joins them at the hotel. The three watch movies and eat popcorn, laughing as they attempt to keep the popcorn away from Yero. She laughs and talks and goes about her day, but she's not really living and she knows it. She's just…..here.

Lost. Adrift. No anchor.

It's no way to live and she only has herself to blame.

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Puck took Finn and Sam to his coworker's apartment and got him drunk. They played video games and distracted him. It helped. A little. He hates being in the townhouse now more than ever. Before, Rachel's presence was the only thing that made it feel like home. Because she is his home. Without her there, it's just a building in a noisy city. He keeps the ring in his wallet. He hates that he hasn't seen or spoken to her in days, but wants to give her space.

He needs her. This separation, more than any other they've had, drills that in. She is what he needs to be happy. Not a particular career or location, just her. And he'll do anything to get her back. He realizes he'd stay here in this city, happily, just for the chance of getting back with her.

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"No. He was completely wrong." Blaine leans forward and wipes away her tears. "You haven't been ignoring us, I promise. And you're right that we've been supportive of you finally getting to enjoy your life."

"Yeah, Tink. Do you really think I'd let you get away with ignoring me?" Kurt grins. "There's no way in hell. I've come too close to losing you to ever want you far from me. Physically or emotionally. What Finn said was based on his own feelings and point of view. He doesn't speak for all of us."

"But I'm—I was—his girlfriend. And I made him feel like I was ignoring him and not wanting him. Isn't that on me?"

The boys share a helpless look. "I mean…..maybe, but I don't think fully. Maybe some of it falls on you, but I think most of that is on him. He should have spoken up. Clearly. He didn't."

She sniffles and grabs her pajamas to take into the bathroom. The fact that she made Finn feel unloved and unwanted weighs heavily on her. It makes her feel sick. And that's on top of the pain of what he said to her and not being with him any more.

And not knowing if or when they'll get back together.

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Smiling is harder to do. She carries a dull ache in her chest every moment of every day. It amazes her how the world seems to be less vibrant than it was just days ago. It's a different sort of hurt from fearing she was dying, but the darkness is the same. The world becomes colder and darker, a less pleasant place to be, just because one person is no longer by her side. The bed shifts and she quickly dries her tears. She cries every night, but has been trying to hide it. Kurt wraps an arm around her.

"You've gotta move on, Tink." He says softly. "Talk to him. Then either take him back or let him go. You're both miserable right now."

"I don't want to lose him, but how can I take him back? He doesn't think I need him. He doesn't think he's good enough for me. He doubts us. How can we have a future like that?"

"You can't." Kurt admits with a sigh. "But that's why you have to choose. You both do. He needs to snap out of it and gain some confidence. He needs to decide if he's gonna fight for you or let you go. And you need to decide if you'll fight for him or let him go."

She shakes her head. "I love him so much, Pan. I want a future with him. But he hates the city and he doubts himself so much. For me to be on Broadway, I have to live in the city and he will always hate that. And he's constantly comparing himself to the guys on campus. What if he always compares himself to my coworkers? My male leads? How do I convince him that he's the male lead of my life?"

"First of all, ouch." Kurt teases. She swats at him and he chuckles before getting serious again. "Fine, no, I know he's the most important guy in your life. Second of all, this is only partially on him."

"What? What do you mean?"

"He needs to grow up and be more confident. And he needs to stop whining. But you need to do your part, too."

She shoves herself up and huffs. "Why am I responsible for his confidence?"

"Because you want to marry him. Or do you?"

"I do! But how can I convince him he's good enough for me?"

"That part is mostly up to him."

"Then what part is on me?"

"Deciding what matters more. You're both gonna have to make some sacrifices, but I think yours will be bigger. What can't you live without? Broadway? Or Finn?"

She rocks back in shock. Everyone knows she loves both Finn and Broadway and has planned out a future with both of them in it. For years. However, no one has flat out asked her which she loves more. She's thought about it. Even back senior year of high school she and Finn lightly touched on it. She has thought about it. But she's never been flat out asked. She was confident back then that Finn meant more to her than Broadway. Now, two years later, with her dream so close to becoming a reality, it puts things in a different perspective. Both are within her grasp. But maybe her hands aren't big enough to hold both at the same time. That possibility cuts her deep.

With Kurt phrasing it like that, her heart can give only one clear answer.

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"How much longer are you gonna avoid the house?" Blaine asks.

Kurt nods. "We can't stay at this hotel forever."

They're eating Chinese food in their hotel room and watching tv. Their finals are nearly done. There's one more week for classes. Despite this huge distraction, being in the hotel room with two other NYADA students has helped her focus on her studies and finish her projects. Including the song mashup. She went from the heart and focused on songs about love and loss and regret. She sang it for her class and had everyone, including the professor, in tears. She's positive she got an A. She supposes she should thank Finn for the motivation, but fears it'd just offend him and upset him more. Staying together in this hotel room helped the boys, too. She felt good helping them, not just as a distraction from her heartache but for the sake of being helpful. She doesn't want to be selfish and only think of herself. The boys already promised she's not, but she wants to be sure. She told them everything, word for word, from that dreadful night. It felt good to talk it over with them. She talked it over with Santana and Brittany, too. The girls came over the other night and the five of them went out to dinner together. Rachel knows how lucky she is to have such good friends. Framily. And she's going to do her damndest to make sure they always know how much she loves them and never question it.

She sighs, knowing he's right. She's just not sure how she feels about seeing Finn again. "I guess…..I guess we can go back this weekend."

"You need to face him eventually. No matter what."

"I know."

"Why don't we go to Callbacks on Friday? Have some fun!" Blaine suggests.

"The end of year party is the following Friday." Rachel points out.

"Why can't we go two weeks in a row?" Kurt asks with a grin.

She giggles and nods. "Alright. We'll go to Callbacks on Friday and return to the house on Saturday."

The boys cheer.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The bar is crowded. They're not surprised. While next week is the NYADA end of year party, students still look forward to Friday night karaoke to blow off steam. Especially around finals. They grab a table and get drinks. They have fun talking to each other and to classmates. They cheer for the singers and take turns going up, as usual. Santana, Brittany, and Quinn show up as well. Quinn is a pleasant surprise, but they knew the others were coming. While they spoke on the phone about the breakup, Quinn still hugs Rachel tight and apologizes again.

"You two were a couple I thought would never break." She admits.

Rachel looks down, heart clenching. "Same here." She shakes it off and puts on a smile. "How are your finals going? Did you finish that ten page paper yet?"

"Yes, thank God." Quinn answers, going on to explain all her many projects.

Elliott joins them and they have fun singing together. Elliott is a fun guy. Very theatrical but also very nice. Rachel likes him and is glad he's been hanging out with them more.

"Quinn, great to see you!"

Rachel spins in her seat. Sam is hugging Quinn with a big smile. Noah hugs her the longest, but she's distracted from that by Finn standing behind them with his hands in his pockets. He's staring at her.

"Hi." She says softly.

"Hi."

Quinn drags the boys down to the opposite end of the table to talk. Rachel is relieved. She was planning on seeing Finn tomorrow. Seeing him tonight is a shock and she's uncertain if it's a pleasant one or not. It hurts. Seeing him. But it's also sort of a relief. A balm on a wound. She misses him so much. As the night drags on, she remains keenly aware of his presence. And his frequent stares. When Brody comes over to say hi, Finn's words about dating the older man spring to mind. Brody is graduating next week. He has a role as a chorus member lined up for this summer. And he has been behaving himself as promised, keeping his hands to himself unless they're dancing in class. He also hasn't talked to her about her breakup with Finn except to say he was sorry to hear about it. She appreciates it. They have a friendly conversation for a couple minutes until it's Brody's turn to get on stage and sing. As usual, he wows the crowd.

With Finn being so close yet so far, it gets harder and harder for her to keep her fake smile on. They need to talk but she's not sure she's ready. However, she can't not let him know how she feels. She sang fun songs earlier and now it's her turn again. With Finn's unexpected arrival, she decides to skip the song she'd planned. How could he not know how much she loves him? Was she such a terrible girlfriend that she wasn't able to make him feel it? Standing on the stage, she makes eye contact with Finn. Her heart thuds painfully against her chest.

"When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there's no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry, I go black and blue
I'd go crawling through the avenue
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love"

She vocalizes with the piano playing, taking a moment to dry her tears. The bar is nearly silent, all eyes on her. But the only gaze she cares about is Finn's. She needs him to know; she would do anything to make him feel her love.

"Oh, the storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothin' like me yet

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love

To make you feel my love"

Applause breaks out. She looks over at Finn. His eyes are wet and his stare intense. She looks away, knowing she'll fall apart completely if she keeps staring at him. She doesn't stop at their table. She snatches her purse off her seat and keeps walking. Kurt and Blaine scramble after her. Outside, they each grab one of her arms. She takes in shuddering breaths, trying to keep her tears at bay.

"You alright?"

"No." She whimpers. "I need him. How could he not know how much I love him? Was I really that shitty a girlfriend? I didn't thi—"

"No."

She whips around. Finn is on the sidewalk behind them. A nosy group passes them, but they ignore it. He cautiously walks up to them.

"No, Rach. You weren't a shitty girlfriend. I always knew how much you loved me. I just….I let my lack of confidence in myself poison everything in my life. That's on me, not you."

Kurt and Blaine back away, giving a little space and acting as a barrier between them and people passing by on the sidewalk.

"You're not just saying that, are you?"

"I mean it. Honest." She releases a breath and some of her fears ease from her conscience. "So…..that song. It was beautiful. Did you….are you saying…."

"I needed you to really know how I feel. I didn't do a very good job of it while we were dating, apparently, but….every word I sang is true."

His expression eases and a small smile forms, hoping lighting his eyes. "Yeah?"

She nods. "Yeah."

"I feel the same."

She smiles back. "We'll talk? Tomorrow?"

"You're coming back? Or visiting?" He asks uncertainly.

"We're coming back. I—I'm ready to come ho—back." She cuts herself off from saying 'home'. Home is Finn. And she's not ready to throw herself back in his arms just yet. They still have a lot to work out.

He nods. "Alright. Yeah. Tomorrow."

She nods and returns to Kurt and Blaine. When she glances over her shoulder, Finn is still standing outside the bar watching her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Returning to the townhouse is a relief. Still, it's slightly awkward since she and Finn are still broken up. She gets to work putting her belongings away. Brittany helps her, chattering on happily. The floorboards creak and the girls look up. Finn is standing awkwardly in the doorway.

"Hi."

Brittany looks between them. "I….think I hear my mom calling me." She stands and hurries to the door, calling "Mom?! Is that you?"

Finn and Rachel share a glance and laugh. "Think she realizes we know she wasn't even holding her phone?"

Rachel shrugs. "Who knows. Maybe she'll actually go call her mom now."

Finn pulls out his wallet and removes the promise ring from it. He slides his wallet back in his pocket and steps closer. When he takes her hand and holds out the ring, she closes her fingers and gently pulls her hand away. Finn's face falls.

"What? But—but last night! The song—"

"I—I don't think we're ready."

He backs up, his face hardening. "We? Or you?"

"Finn…." She closes her eyes and releases a hard breath. "We still have a lot to discuss. Important things. I was worried about you. I am worried about you. Your happiness. I know you still don't like the city. I know you're not 100% sure you're making the best decision career-wise. You've seemed really stressed and I didn't want to add to it by leaning on you all the time. I was worried I'd burn you out. Or annoy you by being too clingy and needy."

A befuddled look crosses his face. "That's why you'd turn me down so often?"

"That. And how you kept doubting us. It was annoying at first, but it honestly started to hurt to hear. You kept saying I don't need you over and over again. Finn, I have always needed you. I always have and I always will! Hearing you question it isn't just annoying it's hurtful."

"You were never home, Rachel! You have spent more time on campus this year! You've been going out a lot and not just with our group!"

Rachel steps closer, glaring. "Do you have any idea how it feels to finally have my independence for the first time in…ever?! I'm nineteen and have almost never been able to be alone, let alone go out of the house somewhere alone. I can finally really live and do things on my own. I'm embracing it! I thought you would have understood that! I never imagined I'd have to explain it to you."

"Maybe if you had taken two seconds to talk to me about it—"

"I didn't think I needed to!"

"You stopped needing me! How do you think I felt going from always being there for you to lean on and care for you only to not even have you by my side anymore? To having you choose to not come home to me! You were out embracing life and I was happy for you until you stopped including me!"

"How many times did I invite you only to have you shut me down?!" She snaps back.

"I didn't think you really wanted me along!"

"How does that make any sense?!"

Finn spins away, running a hand over his head in agitation. "It hurt, alright? For you to not need me anymore."

"I'm—Finn I am really, really tired of repeating this so listen carefully. I. Need. You. Always. You are my anchor, remember?"

"What storm am I saving you from now, though?"

"Life!"

"A life you haven't included me in! I see you, you know. On campus and off, with your classmates and new friends. You're incredible. You're gorgeous and talented and ambitious and respected and they all look up to you and…that's not me. I don't have the talent or drive you do. I'm not as talented or as good looking as your classmates. I'm not—"

"Just stop. This self-depreciation is really annoying. The man I love is gorgeous and strong and brave and loving and funny and sweet and amazing. Not a whiny little boy that has no faith in himself or in us! This, right here, is not the man I want to share my future with. This is not the man I'm willing to give up Broadway to be with!"

"And I don't really want to share my future with someone who's never around! Someone who expects everyone to cater to her and her schedule with no care for their schedules or what they want!"

"I can make my own plans and do my own thing! I don't know what schedules you're talking about because no one has complained to me about interfering with anything."

"I'm not saying you can't do your own thing. I just think that if your own thing never includes me, why should I feel like this is a partnership?"

Rachel clenches her jaw and turns away. "I really don't understand, Finn. I knew you were struggling with the city and stressed with school, but you didn't seem bothered by anything I was doing until recently."

"Then I guess you weren't looking. Makes sense. It's hard to see when you're not there. You don't need me, fine. It hurts but I can live with that. But not even wanting me around? That hurts so much worse."

"I want you around! I don't know how else to explain it or show it!"

"Maybe it's guilt." Finn guesses. "Were you feeling too guilty to break up with me because I stayed by you while you were sick?"

"No! I stayed with you because I love you!"

"You've had a funny way of showing it lately." He mutters.

Rachel turns away from him and takes several deep breaths. "Finn. This right here is why I didn't immediately accept the promise ring back. We're not ready. Clearly. We haven't actually solved anything and everything's too sharp right now."

She turns back to him. He's glowering down at the ground. She waits patiently. Eventually his face settles and he sighs.

"Yeah. I see that." He looks at her intently. "I know we're both hurting too much right now, but we will get through this. I'm not letting you go without a fight. I just…..I guess….I need to know…..I need—"

Rachel steps up to him and presses her hand to his cheek. "I am fighting for you, too. I'm not giving up on you."

He turns his head and kisses her palm. "That's all I need to know right now."

She steps back. He gives her a nod and leaves the room. She releases a breath. He pops his head back into the room.

"So…..just to be clear…..we're definitely still broken up?"

Her lips twitch despite the lack of anything truly funny. "Yeah."

"For now. Temporarily. Like…..resting up before the big game."

Her eyebrow raises. "Sure."

He nods and leaves. She grins slightly and grabs her toiletry bag out of her overnight bag. Finn charges back into the room so fast it startles her and she drops the bag.

"Finn, what-"

"Did you say you'd give up Broadway to be with me?"

Rachel blinks. "Yeah?"

"No." His expression is fierce. The slight playfulness from moments ago is completely gone. "No fucking way."

"Finn, I love you more than I love Broadway. If you're miserable in the city, then we can't live here and I can't work on Broadway. I'll do off-Broadway stuff somewhere else. There are traveling acting troupes. It's fine."

"No it's not. It's definitely not fine. You're not giving up Broadway for anyone and definitely not for me."

"Finn, we'll work it out. We're still in school."

"You don't get it. I know I get jealous of your ambition and work ethic at times, but I admire you for it. You have big dreams and you don't let anyone get in your way. Broadway is the future you've dreamed of, longed for, and worked for. I will never stand in your way of that. Ever."

She nods slowly. "I've always dreamed of performing on Broadway. It'd hurt to not get it. But it'd hurt so much more to not spend my life with you."

"Rachel—"

"I'm not gonna lie; I'd be devastated to lose Broadway. But I can live without it. I can't and won't live without you."

Finn's eyes are shining. "I always knew you loved me, and you've talked about this before, but that was in high school. I never thought you'd seriously—"

"Well take me seriously. I told you I'm fighting for you and I meant it. If that means giving up Broadway and moving to a small town, I'll manage it. I'll make that sacrifice to be with you."

"I don't want you to sacrifice it. Besides, it's not even fair. What would I be sacrificing for you?" She presses her lips together, knowing the answer and unsure of his reaction. He sees the look on her face. "Tell me."

"Your sacrifice is right now."

"Name it."

"Grow up." He obviously takes offense to that and looks away. "I don't mean stop being goofy and playful. Don't stop playing games. I just mean…..take the time to be the amazing strong man you've been growing into. You became strong for me. To help me through my battles. But it's like once my health battles were over, your strength wavered. Learn to grow up and be strong for yourself. Learn to be confident by seeing yourself how I see you. That's what I need from you."

His expression is thoughtful as he leaves her room. She hopes he takes her words to heart.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She stays on campus late. The fact that she and Finn are no longer dating does nothing to detract from her guilt as she recalls how much her not being home hurt him. But she needs a little more space. Hurrying home after classes end is not giving her that space, so she's staying. Yesterday she stayed on campus in a sound proof practice room to sing. Today she's staying late to practice for her dance final tomorrow. She goes through the movements, trying to let them come without thought, but she knows she's too mechanical. She huffs in agitation and starts again.

"You're too tense." She spins to face the speaker. Brody is leaning against the door. "You're too tense, you gotta loosen up or you'll never get it. Here, I'll help."

He drops his bag and walks up to her. As he takes her hand to go through the dance with her, she's hit by the scent of his cologne. It's not overpowering, but it's there. A heavy scent that weirdly makes her think of money, models, and parties. She's not sure why that was her first thought. Her stomach flips and she finds herself wishing she was smelling the earthy, woodsy scent of Finn's cologne. It's a fresh, clean, masculine scent that she loves. She shoves her thoughts down and lets herself focus on the moment. Brody moves with her through the dance, guiding her body. His hands press low on her back. They run through the song twice.

"You're still too tense." He says softly. "C'mon, take a break from that and let's dance something fun to loosen you up."

She knows he's right. She's tense and upset and distracted. She can't let it cost her her final grade. He puts on a different song, something fun and upbeat, and he leads her through a dance with it. They laugh and have fun. When it ends, Rachel steps back.

"Thanks, Brody. I needed that."

He nods. "Sure. You've been out of sorts lately. Still fighting with Finn?"

She groans. "Even when we try to talk it out so we can get back together we end up fighting."

"That's not a good sign."

"I know. But I also know we'll work it out. We're meant to be." She says firmly.

"Then why'd you break up with him?"

For reasons she doesn't want to discuss with Brody. "There were several things." She says evasively.

"Or maybe…you unconsciously know you deserve better."

"I deserve better from him. Just as he deserves better from me. We weren't….we haven't been the best for each other lately and that needs to change."

"You guys were amazing together. Honestly. But….if the relationship has run its course, that's okay too. Relationships change. People change. You can still love him and be close friends."

"I'm—I'm gonna go back to rehearsing."

"I'll help." She opens her mouth to argue and he cuts her off. "And I'll stop talking about Finn. I swear."

She sighs. "Fine."

Brody puts on a tango. She gives him a look and he responds with a kind smile.

"Just for fun. To loosen you up. Then we'll go back to practicing your final number."

She's wary, but agrees. He does have a good point about loosening up and he's a great dancer, so he'll be a great help preparing for her final. She decides to let go of her reservations and just have fun with it. They move together well. But as the song goes on, the feeling changes from fun to something more. The tension between them increases, as it's technically supposed to in a tango. And his eyes look weird, setting her on edge. He yanks her up to him so they're chest to chest and lowers his head. Their lips just barely graze against one another. Finn's face flashes before her eyes. Her hands fly to his chest and she shoves Brody away from her.

"C'mon, Rachel. Grow up. It's part of the tango."

"Kissing?!"

"That wasn't kissing! That was barely a graze! Loosen up!"

She stomps away from him and gathers her belongings. "I should have known you'd just use this as an opportunity to get to me."

"Well you are a hot woman and you're newly single, so yeah. I took a chance. Shoot me."

"I thought you said it was just part of the tango?" She challenges.

He grabs her arm, stalling her from leaving. "It is. The tango is about sex and we're both sexy and single. Enjoy it. You told me that Finn was your first boyfriend. The only boyfriend you ever had. Don't you deserve a chance to experience others? Let me guide you. Let me show you new things. It doesn't even have to be anything serious if that's what's scaring you off. We can just have fun. I bet I could teach you a thing or two. And you don't have a boyfriend anymore, so it's not cheating."

"I'm going to go back to him. I don't know when, but I will. I'm going to marry him one day. We're just taking a detour for maintenance right now."

"Meaning you're not with him now. Why can't your detour include a little fun? You've been so tense and upset lately."

"No." She tries to pull her arm away but he's stronger than her.

"Just relax." He says softly, leaning closer.

His lips press to hers just as her knee collides with his balls. He flinches back with a shout, cupping himself. She snatches her bag and takes off running, wishing she had Yero with her. She doesn't stop running until she's at the bus stop, panting and shaking.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Brody rests his head back against the wall and winces when the ice pack on his balls shifts. He screwed up and he knows it. He hates how scared and angry she was. He'd hated knowing he'd made her uncomfortable in the past with his compliments, but he thought that was just because she was dating and she's faithful. He'd respected that and felt bad. But now she's single. He truly thought she'd give him a chance and was just hesitant, needing a nudge to give in. He never should have gone in to help her today. He never should have taken what David offered him earlier to help him relax. It relaxed his guard too much and made him an ass. He would never force himself on a girl and feels sick for trying.

The knock on his door has his heart rate skyrocketing. Rachel could have gone to admin and complained about his actions. And rightfully so. He's days away from graduating and now it might all be for shit. He could be expelled. He feels like he could throw up. Grunting, Brody forces himself to stand, dropping the ice pack on his bed. He's not sure whether he feels better or worse when he opens the door and Finn Hudson is standing there. He's let a five o'clock shadow form on his face, making him look older. The younger man isn't glaring at him. Somehow, he manages to look both cold and murderous at the same time. Brody instantly backs up, holding his hands up in surrender.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Look, I know it's no excuse but I was high. I'm still kinda high. It hasn't completely worn off yet. It made me act on feelings I'd normally keep tucked away."

"You're right." Finn steps inside and shuts the door behind him. "That's no excuse."

"I'm sorry, man. I nev—"

"Shut your mouth. After tonight, you're a ghost. You disappear from her life forever. No goodbyes, nothing."

"I can't do that. I need to talk to her. I need to—"

Finn's fist collides with his face, knocking him back. Hot pain flares across his cheek. Brody regains his footing and charges him, slamming his shoulder into Finn's chest and knocking him into the wall behind him. The taller man grunts and kicks him back. Brody's first punch misses and Finn comes in with a punch to his side. He takes a step back and grabs his desk chair. He hurls it at Finn, just wanting to keep him back. Finn dodges it and charges. Brody greets him with a punch to the face and another to the stomach. It's like punching a brick wall but it knocks the man back a little. He steps forward, adrenaline masking his pain, and swings again. Finn kicks him in the solar plexus. His breath is knocked out of him and he can't get in air before the taller man tackles him to the ground. Brody groans but manages to punch upwards, catching Finn in the chin. The younger guy uses his body weight to keep Brody down and punches him repeatedly.

"Stay away from my future wife!" He snarls.

Finn finally stands and walks away from him. Brody coughs and turns his head, only able to open one eye. He'll blame the remnants of the drugs flowing through him for speaking right now.

"She deserves better than you."

Finn kicks Brody's desk, cracking the leg. His shoulders rise and fall as he takes in deep breaths to calm down. He doesn't turn back around to face Brody but answers him anyway.

"She does. That's why I'll keep working on being a better man. For her." He opens the door, only then glancing at him over his shoulder. "But you'll never have her. Ever."

The door slams shut. Brody rolls over and spits out blood. He groans and presses his face into the carpet.

Fuck. He's never doing drugs again.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He hisses and instinctively pulls his head back. Rachel's lips form a tense line and she shakes her head.

"You need to let me disinfect it."

"It stings." He whines.

"Baby."

Her lips twitch, forming a smile for a second, though it never reaches her eyes. He stops moving and lets her tend to his wounds. She dabs the cuts and bandages them. She has him hold ice to his bruises with his left hand while she tends to the right. The knuckles of his right hand are bruised. She gently rubs a salve over them and wraps gauze around them.

"You don't have to—"

"I do. You're hurt because of me. Defending my honor."

"I know you didn't want me to hurt him, but he hurt you. I hated seeing you so shaken and upset when you got home. Besides. I had a message to give him. In person."

"With you fist?"

"It turns out fists are a great way of getting your point across."

"Hm."

"Rachel, I'm so—"

"Thank you, Finn. I don't like violence, but…thank you."

His heart lightens at that. When she finishes, she leans forward and kisses his unbruised cheek.

"My hero."

She turns and begins cleaning up the counter, throwing away bloodied cotton balls and tissues.

"But are you still my girl?"

Rachel's actions pause. She turns her head to him, the corner of her mouth lifting into a half smile. Her eyes are warm, but she doesn't answer him. She goes back to cleaning while he sits holding the ice packs to his bruises. Before leaving the bathroom, she stands before him and gently caresses his jaw. She presses her lips to his in a whisper of a kiss before pulling back and leaving. Despite the ache it causes, Finn smiles broadly.

Yeah, she's still his girl.

xxxxxxxxxx

A/N: Some may say I overused the "Stay away from my future wife!" line. And I honestly agree. But I can't help that it's my favorite line in the show lol. But it's done. I had to use it here, since it's my rewrite of that scene, but I promise I don't intend to use it again. I'm not promising to never use it again because sometimes the story takes on a life of it's own and I just go with it, but I'm saying I'm not planning on using it again. This was the last time I had it planned. While I love Finchel, I'm not a huge romance fan so these chapters have been hard to write. They still have stuff to work out, but I'm tired of focusing on their romance. I plan to wrap up this situation next chapter. And yes, I always planned for Brody to start out as a supportive friend only to turn into an ass the moment Rachel was single. Also, I stopped watching Glee...I forget what season. I saw a couple episodes of season 5 but didn't watch the whole thing. The only full episode of season 6 I saw was the last one. I just got so aggravated with where it was going that I basically gave up on it. So don't expect much else from the show to pop up in my story. From here on out it's mostly just my imagination.