Chapter 19
"How did the rumor of you killing a student even start?" Rachel asks curiously.
Cassandra continues her stretching, but scowls. "I'd like to know that myself. My guess is someone heard that you, well not you specifically but a student, nearly died in my class and the story spread until someone only got part of the story with many details missing."
"Like the fact that I survived. Or that it was me."
"Or that it only happened because you were seriously ill and had absolutely nothing to do with me or my class." Cassie mutters. "Then they filled in the blanks with their own ridiculous ideas."
Rachel laughs. "That really bugs you?"
"Yes! I've made a lot of mistakes in my life as well as some really dubious choices, and I don't mince words. I'm a bitch and I own it. But I've never killed anyone. Especially a student."
Rachel moves into the next stretch, following Cassie's lead. "Is that why you asked me to be one of your TA's this year?"
"Exactly. Why should I be the only one facing these rumors? You're technically the one who started them."
"Trust me, I would have happily had that never happen."
Cassie chuckles. "I suppose you have a point."
"But on the bright side, freshmen come in terrified of you, or at least wary, and don't give you a hard time."
"True. I do like that aspect of it." Cassandra looks at her with a tilted head. "Does it upset you? Hearing them talk about someone dying and knowing it was you?"
"Well I didn't die, so no, it doesn't upset me. It's weird, though."
"At least they don't know it was you. For me, they all look at me like some crazy axe murderer."
"Well, axe murderer is a bit of a stretch." Rachel smirks at her. "The crazy part fits, though."
Cassandra throws her water bottle at her.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Rachel stops moving and stares down at Finn. "Where is it?"
Finn, startled from the sudden halt at the brink of ecstasy, takes a second to register her question. "Huh? What? Why'd you stop?"
She moves her hips in a slow circle and he groans, his eyes rolling back. And then she stops moving. "My ring. My promise ring. I haven't been able to find it in weeks. Where is it?"
Beneath her, Finn is shaking. "R-Rach…..I—c'mon, please?"
She slides up and down just once, moving slowly. He's panting. "Where is it?"
"You're a fucking bitch for doing this." He practically growls.
"Yup. But I'm a bitch who gets her way. Where is it?"
Finn flips them over and thrusts hard, several times, until Rachel is gasping. Then he abruptly stops. "I'm not giving it to you. I told you, the next ring I give you will be your engagement ring."
Rachel wraps her legs around his waist, pulling him in as deep as she can. She watches Finn's face as he struggles to maintain control. "Do you have any idea how much I love that ring? And what it represents?"
"You love it so much you threw it at me."
She releases her legs and drops to the bed beneath him with a huff. "Will you ever forgive me for that? I was upset and looking for a way to say I was breaking up with you without actually saying the words. And we made up! We've been back together for months!"
Finn sighs, seeming to accept that they won't be getting back to the action until they talk this through. "I already forgave you. Honestly, I'm mostly teasing you. But I really do want to hold off and save the promise ring for a special occasion. Can you wait?"
Rachel looks into his eyes while she debates over it. After several long moments, she lets out a long suffering sigh. "Fine. I can wait. Not happily, but if it means that much to you, I'll wait."
He kisses her. "Thank you."
"I guess you'll have to make it up to me some other way." She smirks.
He grins and slides down her body.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Rachel frowns down at her empty finger. She really does miss that ring and everything it represented. But it seemed to mean a lot to Finn to not give it back just yet. She has stopped looking for the ring and will wait (somewhat) patiently. She wants it back. But if Finn really wants the next ring he gives her to be an engagement ring, she'll wait. Besides, she knows she has his promise again. She accepted his verbal promise and repeated it back to him. They are working hard on being what the other needs while not neglecting themselves. Finn really has shown more confidence in the past several months. He's calmer, happier, and more relaxed. He appears…..stronger. In every possible way. They talk constantly and he admitted that he feels a lot better than he ever has. He's finally truly happy with his life and is looking forward to a future with her. Even if it means living in the city, he's happy with it. He's learning to embrace the positive aspects of city life. He goes out with her more, he goes out with his own friends more, and he's fine with her going out with her own friends, too. She's been making sure to spend more time at home this year and not stay late on campus every day. That part is hard, though. Cassie isn't the only professor who asked her to be their TA this year. Rachel is also the TA for Dr. Rambert, her vocal professor. Carmen Tibideaux doesn't have TA's as her classes are not as frequent. Her assistants are paid professionals, not students. However, the students, and many professors, are convinced that if Carmen did have a student TA, it'd be Rachel Berry.
One little thing both Rachel and Finn are excited about is their weekly dates. While some dates are spent at home, locked away in one of their rooms for some privacy, the majority of their dates are spent out of the house. New York City has so many restaurants and places to get food that they've decided that every time they go out they'll try a new place and keep exploring. It's fun. Finn was the one to point out that places like Lima only have a handful of restaurants and diners, so it's exciting to get more variety. Rachel had laughed over the fact that food was the thing that let New York finally win him over. She vows to learn to cook better so that she can keep him happy once they're married. They'll go out or order food, too, but she wants to be the one who satisfies him in every way. The others haven't minded her taking over more dinner nights and testing out new recipes on them (even if some tease her for being "the good little wife"). And Finn loves knowing she's doing it for him.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Another downside to Rachel not wearing the ring is the number of guys that asked her out at the start of the semester. Finn hadn't liked that and had debated just giving it back to her to stop it. However, Rachel (and Kurt and Blaine) made it clear to those men that she's taken. Eventually word spread that, despite not wearing the ring she wore for two years, she is very much in a relationship. It helped that Finn joined her on campus one day and took every opportunity he could to kiss her. Guys stopped asking her out after that. Not that Finn hasn't had girls hitting on him and flirting with him on his own campus. Rachel returned the favor and joined him for lunch on his campus one day. Upon seeing him, she jumped on him and kissed him thoroughly. Half of their lunch was spent with her on his lap. She then kissed him goodbye, going a little over the top, but walked away happy. Finn stood behind her wearing a dopey grin as she sashayed off campus, reapplying her lipstick. Noticing that, Finn quickly wiped lipstick off his face. Most girls stopped flirting with him after that, but a few remained persistent. Finn politely but firmly shut them down. He already has his woman and he is never letting her go again.
He thought about what his mom said about possibly dating other people for a while. It's like everyone knows that Finn and Rachel will get married one day. Despite this, some think they should "date around" for a while. Just to be sure. Rachel and Finn discussed it over the summer, and while they understand that reasoning, they don't feel it's necessary. If they know they're going to get married one day, why waste time dating other people? Besides, at this point, they're happier together than they've ever been. Closer, stronger, and happier. Neither can imagine life without the other. They talk about everything, hold nothing back, and have a healthy balance of time together and time apart. He found a part time job and is saving up for an engagement ring.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"It was minimal, Mom. I promise. I'm still in remission."
Shelby grips the phone in her hand. "It wasn't a big drop?"
"No. Dr. McCann said my numbers did go down, but only minimally. If they drop any more, he'll have me do a blood transfusion. I get checked every month, remember. I'm still in remission. I'm fine. Dr. McCann is on top of it. He said it's nothing to worry about, it's just something to keep an eye on. Besides, I'm keeping track of how I feel. I'm fine."
She releases a tense breath. "Alright. Just…..let me know if anything changes or if you notice anything off. No matter how minor. Please."
"I will. I promise."
They talk about school for a couple minutes before Rachel is called away to dinner. Shelby tells her daughter she loves her and hangs up. After sitting on the couch for several silent moments, she stands and wanders over to the wall with the most pictures hanging on it. Her eyes go straight to a picture of Rachel on her sixteenth birthday. She'd been smiling widely behind a cake lit with sixteen candles. She'd been stage four at the time, not that they'd known that for a few more days. Shelby's eyes take in her daughter's paleness, dark circles under her eyes, and the heavy fatigue in her expression despite the happiness. The mother swallows hard and walks a few steps away to another photo. This one is of Rachel and Kurt playing on the beach in New York. Rachel had just knocked down Kurt's sandcastle and is laughing at her brother's appalled expression. Finally, she looks at a photo taken last winter, with Rachel and her cousins playing in the snow. The corner of Shelby's mouth pulls up. No matter what, they know how to handle it. They're just so tired of handling it.
Please let it be nothing.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The house is quiet. Not a calm, pleasant quiet but a suffocating silence. Shelby sits on Rachel's bed tightly clasping her hands together. She focuses on taking in one breath at a time. Her chest feels torn and ragged. Every breath is a challenge. The weight of everything presses down on her and she physically can't get up. The floor creaks and she slowly drags her red rimmed eyes to the doorway. Kurt barely looks at her while talking, his hoarse voice just loud enough for her to hear.
"The car is packed. We put the last of it in the back seat."
"Thank you, Kurt."
The boy nods slowly. "We just, we just didn't know if you wanted to….if you wanted to hold the urn or secure it in the trunk."
Shelby swallows down a wave of bile. She can't answer. Tears well up in her eyes once more. Kurt's own face crumbles but then he straightens his shoulders.
"I can't believe she's really gone. It happened so fast! One minute she's in remission and the next she's relapsing again and then she just….dropped through all the stages so fast!" Kurt wails. "And then she was gone. Just like that!"
She still can't stand, but she manages to hold out her arms. Kurt sits next to her on the bed and falls into her arms. She rocks him and lets her own tears run their course. She can't believe it either. She's gone.
Rachel is gone.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sweat causes her nightgown to cling to her torso. Shelby rolls over in her sleep, a heavy frown on her face. She groans something unintelligible. Scott stands next to the bed with a frown of his own. Shelby has been thrown off all night; ever since the call from Rachel. He's sure Rachel is fine. A minor drop in her numbers is nothing new. That being said, he still understands why his wife is panicking over this. All night she was distracted, randomly expressing her fears and worries, unable to completely relax. He'd insisted she take something to help her sleep and while it helped her fall asleep, it's clearly doing nothing to calm her mind or prevent nightmares. He climbs into the bed with his wife and wonders if there's anything he can do to reassure her that Rachel will be fine.
Probably not.
He can't say he's surprised when he's awoken two hours later by Shelby practically leaping out of bed with a strangled scream. He jumps up with her and instantly begins calming her.
"Babe, it's fine. Take some deep breaths, it was just a nightmare."
He carefully moves closer. Shelby's chest is heaving and her eyes are frantically searching the room. He waits patiently or the last remnants of panic to recede as she realizes it was a nightmare.
"You okay?"
She blows out a heavy breath and brushes her hair off her face. "No."
"Would it help if I pointed out that Rachel is still firmly in remission? Even with this very minor drop in her numbers, she's still firmly in remission."
"I know that, Scott. But if they drop further—"
"They might not."
"But they might."
"And we'll handle it if it does. But I'm sure it won't."
Shelby paces next to the bed. "How am I supposed to stay calm?"
"By remembering that she's fine. And she'll let you know if that changes. You said she sounded calm and confident, right? Maybe you need to take a page out of her book."
"Right. Yeah. You're right."
Scott pulls her into his arms and rocks her for several minutes. He waits until her tense muscles unclench and she melts into him. Then he leads her back to bed. He hates how scared she still is. And that there's nothing he can do to ease her fears. They're justified and the only thing that'll calm her is her daughter remaining in remission. Which only time will tell. There's no quick fix here.
"I need to see her."
"She'll be home soon for Thanksgiving."
"In three weeks! I'm just talking about going up for a day. I can go today and be home tonight."
Shelby sits up and reaches for her phone, presumably to get a plane ticket. Scott sits up as well and pulls her hand back.
"Whoa, babe, hold on."
"Scott—"
"Listen. I'm not saying don't visit her, I'm just saying don't spring a surprise visit on her. Besides, if you show up today looking as anxious as you do, she's gonna feel guilty for worrying you. And then she'll be worried about you on top of worrying about her own health."
Shelby's jaw clenches and unclenches. "Fine. You're right. I'll wait until Thanksgiving."
"That's not what I'm saying, either. I wanna see her, too. Let's go this weekend. But we'll let her know."
"But she'll still know we're coming because of her numbers dropping and our worry over it."
An idea tickles his mind. "Unless we give her a different reason."
"What do you mean?"
"What if I surprise you with tickets to some Broadway show? I'll even make reservations at a hotel near the theater. But other than the show and sleeping at a hotel, we can spend the rest of the weekend with Rachel."
He watches her think it over. He knows he got her approval when she finally smiles. "Okay. That's a good plan."
"Good."
He kisses her and pulls her into his arms. With this plan in place, he hopes she can sleep better.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Rachel had been thrilled to hear that Scott is surprising her mom with show tickets. She's already seen the show they're going to see, so she's excited to be able to talk to her mom about it afterwards. She made Scott promise that they'll spend some time with her and he'd started laughing, saying that it's a guarantee. It's also a nice distraction from her worry over her numbers. She's not overly worried because Dr. McCann isn't worried. But it's still on her mind and this is a nice distraction. The others have been watching her more today. She understands why but wishes she could convince them that she's not relapsing. Unfortunately, she doesn't know that for sure and the only thing any of them can do is wait until her next appointment next month. She hopes they don't watch her this much for the next month. While she's used to being watched, she thought she was past it for this reason. She swallows down her slight resentment and puts on a smile for them. Years of fighting a life threatening illness taught her that the more upset she visibly is, the more upset they'll be. The calmer and more confident she is, the calmer they are. So she smiles. She's fine.
Everything is fine.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The plan was for Shelby and Scott to check into their hotel, join Rachel for lunch, then go back to the hotel to prepare for their show. However, two more nightmares about Rachel dying changed things. Shelby still hasn't, and won't, tell Rachel about her nightmares. They've talked on the phone, but Shelby needs to actually hold her and see her in person. She needs the physical reminder that Rachel is alive and well. Truly well. So instead, they head to the kid's townhouse straight from the airport. They have their own key and while they aren't expected until later in the day, they decide to just enter the house without knocking. Being that it's a Saturday morning, there's a decent chance that half the house is still asleep anyway.
They walk in cautiously, not wanting to startle anyone near the door. No one is there, but they hear talking from the kitchen. They set their luggage down. Shelby glances into the living room, but it's empty. She and Scott head towards the kitchen to say hello and announce their presence.
"—late, Kurt." Sam is saying. "Rachel is gone! You need to accept that!"
Shelby's heart skips several beats and her breath catches in her throat. What?
"What?" Kurt gasps. "She's gone? Already? No! She was just here!"
Scott presses a hand to Shelby's back, steadying her.
"No shit, Sherlock! But she got tired of waiting on you to get moving and left without you! She walked out like half an hour ago to go without you."
She can breathe again. Realizing she was being ridiculous, she swallows down the jolt of fear this conversation caused, bringing memories of her nightmares to the forefront.
There's a sigh. "I suppose I can just meet her there."
No longer able to keep quiet, Shelby moves into the kitchen so she can see both boys. Brittany is also there, bleary eyed and eating a bowl of cereal at the table. The three kids look shocked to see them.
"Aunt Shelby!" Kurt hugs her tight. "I thought you weren't coming until later."
"We weren't, but decided to come say hi first. Is everything okay? We heard you boys yelling."
Sam hugs her next while Kurt greets Scott. "This guy took too long getting ready to go, so Rachel left without him and he wasn't happy about it. No big deal."
"Oh?" Faux casual.
Kurt blushes slightly. "I may have irritated her by insisting I'd be ready really fast…..several times….then taking over an hour to get ready."
Sam starts laughing. "Rach was pacing the kitchen complaining and getting more and more aggravated before she finally tossed her hands up and left."
"Where were you two going?" Scott asks.
"The current Wicked cast is singing in the park today. We were gonna go grab coffee and danishes at a cafe and get there early to get a good spot." Kurt says, tying his shoes.
"So you're letting her get your coffee and save you a good spot while you took your sweet time?" Shelby chides.
Kurt flushes even more. "I'm sorry! And I'll make it up to her, I swear! But I'd better get going."
"Bye, Kurt."
Brittany offers coffee to the adults, which they accept. Finn stumbles down the stairs minutes later, scratching his fuzzy chin. "I hate waking up without Rachel in my arms."
Shelby's eyebrow raises. Scott's hand pauses in lifting a mug to his other kids in the room snigger. Finn glances around and realizes they have visitors.
"Oh. Um I mean…Uh…."
"You sleep with my daughter?" Shelby asks. "One of the rules of living here was that the couples don't share beds."
Finn's eyes widen and he looks around for a solution. "Yeah, I know! And we don't! I'm just saying—that I hate waking up without her in my arms because I'm looking forward to that experience. A-After we're married, I mean."
Scott snorts into his coffee. Shelby kicks his leg under the table. "Good. Keep it that way. I'd hate to force one of you to move out."
Finn looks between the two adults warily. The older couple doesn't stay much longer. They finish their coffees, say their goodbyes, and head to their hotel. Shelby is disappointed she didn't get to see Rachel yet, but she at least got confirmation that she's well and enjoying her day. She'll see her in a few hours.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Mom!"
Shelby smiles widely and catches her daughter in her arms. It feels so good to hug her. Especially after her nightmares and newly heightened worries.
"Hi, baby girl. It's so good to see you!"
"You, too!" Rachel gives an extra squeeze. After releasing her, she goes and hugs Scott.
The three sit and catch up for several minutes. Eventually the conversation switches to the musical the parents just saw. Scott gives his opinion, then happily sits back and lets the women in his life take over, diving into a much deeper conversation on musical methodology and critiquing actor's performances. Shelby is enjoying the conversation very much and could tell Rachel is as well. It was also thrilling for the mother to be able to have a conversation of this caliber with her child. Her daughter has learned so much more in her years at NYADA. Some of her knowledge even surpasses Shelby's own and she couldn't be more proud. When their conversation winds down, Scott gives her a meaningful nod. Shelby nods back.
"Everything okay?" Clearly, Rachel caught the nods.
"Yeah. But I do want to talk to you privately."
Rachel shrugs. "Sure. We can go to my room. San is at work and won't be home for a while."
Mother and daughter head up to the stairs before entering Rachel's room and shutting the door.
"So what's going on?"
Shelby carefully sits on the edge of the bed and gestures for Rachel to join her. "I wanted to ask you a few things. I'm not trying to be…." She searches for a good word. "…overbearing or anything. But I am concerned and I need to know the truth."
"Alright."
"I know you're still in remission. But how are you feeling? Any symptoms or anything that could potentially be a symptom?"
Shelby watches as Rachel looks away and struggles to keep her expression neutral. Not knowing whether the reaction is out of annoyance because she's fine or because she doesn't want to admit that she's had symptoms returning has the mother on edge.
"Nothing new, I promise."
"And nothing old returning?" Shelby presses.
Rachel rolls her eyes and turns to face her again. "No. Mom, I swear. I'm fine. Dr. McCann said it's expected for me to still have the occasional morning that's tough for me, where getting up is challenging. That still happens, but not often. No more often than it's been for months! It's not a common occurrence. I still have plenty of energy. I still have my appetite. I don't get dizzy. I don't get weak. I don't bruise incredibly easily. I'm fine. I'm good, Mom."
Looking into her eyes, Shelby finally relaxes. She's telling the truth. She's fine. "Okay. I'm sorry, I just needed to be sure. You know I'm always going to worry about you. And with your numbers dropping recently, it had me even more worried than usual."
Rachel scoots closer and leans against her side, sliding an arm around her. "I get it. It's annoying, but I get it. I'm a little worried, too."
Shelby kisses the top of her head. "I figured as much. Wanna talk about it?"
The girl gives a slight shrug. "Not really. I mean…..on the one hand, I want to scream at the universe that it wouldn't be fair. But on the other hand, I'm grateful I had over a year of remission. Mostly I'm praying that it's nothing concerning, just like Dr. McCann said."
Shelby is carrying more fear than her daughter seems to be, but she's glad her child isn't completely…..freaking out, as she often puts it. The teen is understandably worried, but isn't letting it affect her daily life or become detrimental. That's good. She's handling it well. Shelby wishes she was handling it as well as her daughter.
"I think that's a good way of handling it. I'm proud of you. But I also want you to reach out if it starts becoming too much."
"I will. Mom, I'd reach out to you, I swear. I also have a house full of people who love me for me to talk to. I'm not holding anything in or hiding anything. I swear."
"Alright." She wavers before steeling herself for the next question. "So…..you and Finn."
Rachel's demeanor changes. Body calm but chin raised in slight defiance. "Yes?"
"I know you two have…I know you've slept together. In every sense of the phrase."
She's gratified to see the hint of a blush fill her daughter's cheeks. "And?"
Shelby holds back the urge to roll her eyes. "And are you being safe?"
"Yes, mother."
"Watch your tone, missy." She responds with narrowed eyes.
Rachel looks away briefly before returning her gaze to her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get snippy. But mom, I'm 19, I've been dating Finn for years, and we intend to get married in the future. I'm on birth control and we use condoms. We're safe."
Shelby bites her lip, thinking it over. "Alright. I'm glad to hear it. I won't pry more. Just…..don't make me a grandmother until you're at least old enough to drink."
Her daughter smirks at her. "Seriously? Mom, you might be a little disappointed and upset at first, but you'd quickly become thrilled."
"You may be right, but still. Don't."
"I have no intention of getting pregnant and being forced to drop out of college. We don't plan for kids until we're in our mid twenties."
Shelby chuckles. "Alright. I'm glad you have a plan. God knows you stick to your plans."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The rest of the weekend was exactly what Shelby needed. She got time with her child and got to reassure herself that Rachel really is fine. They had a good time together and Shelby was finally able to have a good night's sleep. She went home feeling better about everything. When the kids returned to Ohio a couple weeks later, Rachel was still as energetic and happy as ever. The kids had had their Friendsgiving once again, then spent the actual holiday with family; or at least the family they don't get to see often. It was a fun and relaxing weekend. Shelby loved seeing Rachel help her grandmother prepare the food in the kitchen. She even accepted the good natured teasing from her sister about how Rachel is becoming a better cook than Shelby herself.
"Not that that's hard to do." Mark had said seriously. Shelby had swatted at him.
As usual, the Corcoran-Winters-Matthews-Berry family enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday together.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The time between Thanksgiving and winter break passed in a blur of classes and time with Finn and friends. One of the few moments that truly stuck out was her appointment with Dr. McCann where he reported that her numbers went back up on their own. They will continue to watch her numbers closely, but her doctors are confident that she is not in danger of relapsing. She'd cried with relief. So had her mom when she'd immediately called the woman. She'd celebrate with a fun night out with her friends, then fell asleep content in Finn's embrace.
Now that his classes are focused on instruction and lesson planning, Finn is stressed yet again. Rachel has helped him by setting up a schedule for him to follow to give him time to work and study, go to his part time job, and still have time to relax at home. She even suggested they put a pause on their weekly dates, but he refused that. She also gave him back massages, made sure he had a good breakfast, and brought him lunch when she could. He made it clear how grateful he was, but at the same time he stated that just having her by his side and knowing he can talk to her about his stress is enough to help him.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kurt sprints across campus, his heart thudding wildly in his chest. He doesn't stop running until he sees one of his intended targets. Rachel is sitting in a chair next to one of her classmates and chatting away. He skids to a stop in front of her, grabs her arm, and yanks her out of the seat. She shrieks but manages to catch her balance. She immediately begins to berate him.
"Kurt! You don't ha—"
"Not now!"
He drags her to a secluded spot and spins her to face him. His sister's irritated expression melts away when he presents her with a golden envelope. Her eyes sparkle with excitement and he is filled with warmth and joy to see how happy she is for him.
"You got it?! You finally got invited to the Winter Showcase?!"
He nods excitedly, beyond thrilled. He can barely talk. "Yeah, I just—I can't—it finally happened and I'm so happy and proud!"
She hugs him. "You should be proud! I'm proud of you and happy for you! I'm glad Carmen finally saw your incredible talent."
"Thanks, Tink. That means a lot coming from you."
Not just because she's his sister, but because she's incredibly talented and has won the showcase every single year since becoming a student here. She already got her invitation for this year and he has no doubt she'll win again. He knows he probably won't beat her, but just being invited is an honor.
Rachel smirks at him. "How close were you go saying 'finally!'?"
"Too close!" He admits dramatically. "I was so glad I could hold that back until she walked away."
"And then you shouted it?" She asks knowingly.
"And then I shouted it." He confirms with a small smile.
She laughs and squeezes his arm. "Congratulations, Kurt. You deserve it."
He beams.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Winter break felt short. Rachel won the showcase yet again, though it was another close call with Blaine. Kurt did an amazing job and she made sure to tell him that. After, she celebrated her 20th birthday, spent time with her parents (all of them) and the friends and family she doesn't see often. Just being home in Ohio and getting to flop on her bed in her own room is a relief. She loves Santana and enjoys her being her roommate. Despite this, she enjoys getting time alone. Especially back in her own bedroom. It makes her feel warm and safe, being back here. She knows it's not the room. It's the loving atmosphere her mother has created. It permeates the entire house and wraps Rachel in a soft embrace every time she steps through the door. Home.
It wasn't long before she was back in New York. While the teens had debated celebrating New Years Eve in New York for once, their parents asked them to stay in Ohio. They can celebrate in New York when they're adults, after they've graduated college and started their careers. But so long as they're still students, even college students, their families want them home for the holidays. The kids agreed with little argument. Life quickly fell back into it's normal routine. A routine Rachel enjoys. School, being Cassie's and Dr. Rambert's TA, dates with Finn, time at home with her framily, hanging out on and off campus with friends, and many phone calls with loved ones who don't live in New York. Life is good and Rachel is thrilled with the future lying before her.
Except. There's one thing that she still can't let go of. Something that she desperately wants and is being denied. However, she has a plan.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kurt is sitting on the edge of his bed while looking at his phone when someone runs into his room. The person leaps onto the bed behind him and scurries over to him. The moment the arms wrap around him he knows it's his sister. He grins and pats her arm. Before he can question why she has pounced on him, she's whispering excitedly in his ear.
"Let's get tattoos."
Her grip on him tightens. He lifts his head in shock and he finds himself staring at his reflection in the mirror across from them. He can see the clear shock on his face and the excitement on Rachel's.
He splutters. "W-what? Are you serious?" She nods and her smile grows. He shakes his head in bewilderment. "Right now?"
"Yes! Or, like, tomorrow morning if you'd rather."
He turns in her embrace and positions them so they're facing one another. "So….do you already know what you're getting?"
She nods excitedly. "Yes."
"And you don't have any doubts whatsoever?" Kurt asks her doubtfully.
"None!" She bounces on the bed. "What about you?"
Kurt stares into his sister's happy face and the words come to him immediately. He smiles back. "None."
"Then let's go!"
Rachel looks so happy, excited, and confident. His heart lifts. "Alright."
She squeals and throws herself at him, knocking him back onto the bed and landing on top of him. They laugh and untangle themselves. They grab their bags and coats. Rachel pets Yero and tosses him a treat to keep him quiet while they slip out of the house. The whole way to the tattoo parlor Kurt's mind is racing. Are they seriously doing this? Getting tattoos? They're permanent. Forever. Rachel refuses to tell him what she's getting, but looks so excited that she's likely to burst. Kurt is happy to support her, but is starting to have doubts. Will Blaine be upset? Will his dad? Will Finn be mad at Rachel? What about her mother? Will any of the others feel left out? But then he refocuses on Rachel and her happiness. No matter what, he's making her happy. And this is a happy memory they can share. Siblings being rebellious and getting tattoos together. Once they reach the tattoo parlor and actually walk inside, Kurt can't take it any more. He yanks Rachel off to the side, out of earshot of the other people present.
"Rachel. Before we do this, I need to know why. What is motivating you right now?"
She calms herself and gives him a serious answer. "It's on my bucket list."
He relaxes, remembering that fact. She's nearly completed everything on her list already. Soon she'll need a new list and that thought thrills him. He smiles.
"Alright, it's a bucket list item. But are you 100% sure?"
"Yes!"
"What about Finn? What if he's upset with you for marring your skin?"
Rachel's calm expression turns even more serious. She blows out a hard breath and brushes her hair behind her ears. "He's why I'm doing this. If he's mad about it, he only has himself to blame."
"What? What are you talking about?"
After a moment's hesitation, Rachel steps closer and whispers in his ear. A lump forms in his throat and his eyes glisten when he pulls back. He smiles at her.
"Let's go get tattoos, Tink."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The siblings arrived home to raised eyebrows. Their framily had quickly noticed their absence, but had given them the benefit of the doubt and not called or texted to ask. Now that they're home with matching shit-eating grins, they're not getting out of an explanation.
"Well well well." Santana teases. "The two trouble makers. What were you two up to and why didn't you invite me?"
"You don't even know what we did, so why would you want to join us?"
"Because I know that look. You two did something fun."
"It would have been nice to know what it was." Blaine admits with a little irritation.
Kurt instantly looks guilty and apologetic. "I'm so sorry, Blaine. We weren't intentionally leaving you—any of you—out. It was just a…a sibling adventure."
Blaine gives a one shouldered shrug. "It's alright. I'm not mad about it, just a little disappointed."
"I'm sorry."
Kurt walks into his boyfriend's arms and pulls him into a hug. Blaine melts into him and wraps his arms around his torso. When his left arm wraps around Kurt's upper back, Kurt flinches.
"Ow!"
Blaine immediately pulls back, afraid he'll keep hurting his boyfriend. The others, minus Rachel, all stiffen in concern. Rachel grins at her brother.
"I'm sorry, what'd I do? Are you okay?" Blaine asks anxiously, his hands hovering inches from Kurt's body.
"I'm fine. Sorry, I just forgot how fresh it is."
"What are you—"
"No way." Noah interrupts, his eyes widening and a grin starting to form. "Badass, dude!"
"What is he talking about?" Brittany asks.
Kurt grins widely. He turns around so his back is to everyone, then he takes off his shirt, showing off his bare back. Well, not so bare. A bit of black ink is visible on the upper right side of his back. Blaine carefully runs a hand around the reddened skin.
"It gets better." He reads off. "A tattoo? That's where you went?"
"Isn't it great?" Kurt asks eagerly.
After a moment of staring at it, Blaine's face relaxes and he grins. "Yeah. It's awesome!"
For a couple minutes, the others react to Kurt's new tattoo. Some are thrilled and some are wary. It takes longer than Rachel expected for all eyes to turn to her. She can see the wheels turning in their minds. If Kurt got a tattoo and they went together, then….
"Rach? Did you get a tattoo?" Blaine asks.
"Of course! It was my idea."
There's laughter and a few groans of "I should have known." Rachel lets them get it out of their systems, but keeps one eye on Finn. He has been silent so far and just kind of looks confused at the moment, so he's clearly still thinking it through.
"It was on my bucket list! I'm still crossing things off that list." Rachel defends herself when Sam starts talking about it being a major decision.
It's only when they start asking to see it that Finn finally reacts. He picks her up and tosses her over his shoulder. She shrieks in surprise but doesn't fight him. The others laugh while he carries her upstairs to his room. He kicks the door shut and sets her down on her feet.
"You got a tattoo? And didn't think to talk to me about it first?"
Her stomach flips. She hadn't wanted to upset him. "You kind of have yourself to blame for that."
He rears back. "What?! How is it my fault?!"
"If you had just given me my promise ring back, none of this would have happened!" She's blaming him, and while part of her fully agrees with her words, most of her is just having fun messing with Finn. She waits for the words to sink in. It takes a moment for realization to set in.
"You—wait…." He gathers himself. "Where?"
She pulls up her shirt, revealing a small tattoo low on her left side. It's not low enough that it'd be inappropriate for her to show other people, but it is low enough that it's easily concealed by clothes. Finn kneels down to be able to inspect it better. She anxiously watches his face, waiting for his reaction. He doesn't disappoint. His fingers gently trace the reddened skin and he swallows hard.
"You got a tattoo of your promise ring?"
"Yes. I told you I love it and hate not having it on me."
"But—this is permanent! You can't ever take it off!" He seems flustered.
"I know. That's the whole point, Finn. I can't ever take it off."
It takes a moment, but when her meaning sinks in he surges upwards and kisses her passionately. He guides her backwards until the backs of her legs hit the edge of his bed. Finn gently pushes her until she lays down. He then begins kissing all around the tattoo, avoiding the fresh ink. He works his way upwards. Not long later, as things are heating up, he pauses. Caught off guard, she follows his gaze down to her tattoo. His thumb hovers over the tattoo and tender skin.
"It's right where my thumb goes when I'm holding you like this when we're making love." He says in awe.
"After it heals, wanna try to wear it out?" She grins up at him.
He smirks and resumes his actions. "I like that plan."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kurt and Blaine split off from the group, letting a little distance form between them and the others. Kurt swings his boyfriend's hand and grins. Blaine chuckles at how happy he is. Everyone loves their tattoos and have started talking about what tattoos they may want to get. Rachel and Kurt pointed out that while their decision was spur of the moment, they had zero doubts about what their tattoos would be when they went to get them. Both have emotional connections to their tattoos. For Rachel, it was obvious. For Kurt, he had to explain that "it gets better" is a motto he had to lean on for years. It started after his mom died, when he and his dad started to create their new normal. It gets better. Then he met Rachel and the motto solidified in his mind, even if he didn't often utter the words aloud. And then she got sick. He had to cling to his motto and is thrilled and relieved it worked out. It got better. He has to go through life believing things will get better; even if the truth is that he just gets better at dealing with challenging things. Better is better. After that, everyone loved his tattoo even more. Blaine doesn't think he wants a tattoo but has been supportive of Kurt's.
Now, the group decided to brave the cold and go wander the streets. They all felt the need for a break from their studies for a night. Things are good in their lives. Sure they argue and squabble from time to time. Especially Rachel and Santana. Still, they make up just as fast. And when someone is stressed with school (or work, for Sam and Puck), the others help them deal with it. They're all healthy. They're all working towards their future goals. They're all happy. Life is good.
Kurt tugs Blaine into him, making the young man stumble and laugh. Kurt catches his lips mid laugh and the two make out on the side walk for several blissful moments. He's so caught up in his happy feelings that he doesn't immediately feel the pain from the initial hit.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Burt yells at the television, wishing the players could hear his advice. He knows its useless and that it annoys his wife, but he can't help it. He yells at the tv during football games. He doesn't begrudge Carole for doing the same thing during episodes of "The Bachelor" or "The Bachelorette". Or Shelby for doing it during the Tony awards. He grabs his phone when it rings but doesn't take his eyes off the television screen.
"How was that a foul?!" He shouts at the referee who can't hear him before lifting the phone to his ear. "Y'ello."
"Uncle Burt?"
The football game is forgotten. Burt sits up straight, his feet shoving the recliner down into a normal sitting position. Something in Rachel's tone tells him he's going to want to stand soon.
"Rach? You okay, princess?"
She releases a breath and he can't tell if it's out of frustration or an attempt to hold back tears. It sets him on edge.
"Yeah. Sort of."
Burt has learned not to let himself overreact in moments like this. Not when talking to Rachel. She could be upset about her health, an argument with Finn, or not perfecting a song. "Rach, what's going on?"
"Let me start by saying everyone is going to be fine."
A cold stone forms in his stomach. "Princess, that's not a comforting way to start sharing news."
"Would you rather I have started by saying we're all sitting in the hospital at the moment?"
Ice creeps along his spine. He doesn't bother answering her rhetorical question or reprimanding her for her sassy tone. "What happened?"
"Kurt and Blaine were attacked."
There's a ringing in his ears. He shakes his head to focus. "What—what do you mean? What happened? Are they okay?"
"They'll be fine."
Releasing a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, he allows himself a moment to accept that news. They'll be fine. It's nothing life threatening. "Tell me what happened. And why Kurt isn't the one calling me."
"Kurt is going to be fine, but he has a concussion. He was unconscious for a couple minutes. He'll be fine but the pain meds they put him on are making him slur a little and he didn't want you to freak out before he could tell you the story."
He pinches the bridge of his nose and looks around for Carole, surprised his wife hasn't come to check on him after hearing his side of the conversation. Then he realizes he can hear her talking on the phone. The pitch of her voice tells him she's on the phone with Finn, currently getting the same story from her son.
"Tell me."
"We went out. Just to hang out and get some fresh air. We were feeling cooped up in the house. Kurt and Blaine separated from the group and stopped to make out. Apparently a couple drunk guys didn't like seeing two gay guys kissing so they attacked them. Beat them up. But Kurt and Blaine have been exercising for years now, mostly to be able to carry me, so while they're not fighters, they are strong. They were able to fight back. It caused a commotion that got our attention. We turned around and saw them a block behind us in a fight so we all went running back. Well, mostly. Santana told me to stay back and call 911, so I did. Finn was the first to take off running and dive into the fight, with everyone else behind him. The three drunk guys were no match for our group."
Despite the distressing news, Burt feels his lips tugging up into a smile. "So there was a brawl on the streets of New York City over Kurt and Blaine kissing in public?"
"Yeah. Everyone got some bruises and scratches, but nothing more serious than Kurt's concussion."
"I'm glad you stayed out of it." The pause on the other line is telling. "Rachel. You stayed out of it, right?"
"They were attacking my brother and best friend! The people I love most were in a big fight! You think I'd stay out if it?!"
Burt groans. Of course she wouldn't. "Did you get hurt, too?"
"A minor bruise. Nothing serious."
"You should have stayed out of it. But thank you for protecting your brother."
"Always. And the main thing I did was swing my purse at the one guy's head when he went to punch Blaine. Kurt was already unconscious at that point and Blaine was huddled over him, blocking him with his own body while everyone else fought around them."
He can see it in his mind. He swallows hard, thinking of his son injured. But his heart swells thinking of the other kids jumping in to protect him. Especially Blaine protecting Kurt with his own body.
"I thought New York was supposed to be more accepting of this sort of stuff."
"Usually. Most people, yeah. But there are always exceptions."
"I'm coming."
"I figured." He can hear the smile in her voice. "While I want to say it's not necessary, I think Kurt could use a hug from his dad. And if I'm being honest with myself, so could I."
"We'll be there—" he glances at the clock and cringes "—tomorrow. Alright? Tell Kurt I love him and I'll see him soon."
"He's sleeping right now, but I will when he wakes. I promise."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
They're home by the time Burt and Carole arrive in New York. The Matthews had wanted to come as well, but apparently Rachel convinced them that Burt and Carole coming was enough. Burt walks into his son's room and finds him sitting up in bed wearing fashionable lounge clothes with his laptop open on his lap. His head is bandaged and there's bruising all over his face. It fills the father with an indescribable rage. He swallows it down and enters the room.
"Sam, I said I don't need the bandage changed yet." Kurt looks up. "Dad! Sorry, I thought you were Sam again."
Burt doesn't speak. Emotion clogs his throat. He gently pulls his little boy into his arms and rocks him. Kurt leans into him, resting his head on his shoulder. Carole joins them, rubbing a hand on Kurt's back.
"How's your head?" Burt asks as Kurt sits up.
"Sore. But the pain medicine is helping."
"How long are you out of school for?" Carole asks, gently brushing her fingers through his hair.
"The rest of the week. I have an appointment next Monday. Assuming I get the all clear from the doctor, I can go back on Tuesday."
"Don't rush yourself. Rest." Burt instructs.
Kurt rolls his eyes, then winces. "I won't. I hate missing out, but Rachel and Blaine already promised to help me make sure I don't fall behind. So I'm resting."
"Good. Let them take care of you."
"How is Blaine?"
"Bruised all over. And he got two stitches on his chin. He's worried it'll scar, but otherwise he's fine."
"And he went to school?"
Kurt shrugs. "He took the morning off to sleep in and he's excused from dance class until his stitches come out. He insisted he was fine to go. He was going to stay to take care of me, but Sam took the day off instead. He's using his new skills as a paramedic to keep an eye on me."
"And the others?" Carole asks. "Finn said he's fine, but that's Finn. He always says he's fine."
"He's fine. He has a black eye and his hands are bruised from punching the other guys so hard, but that's it."
Burt laughs at that. They talk for a while longer, but it becomes clear that Kurt is tiring, so they leave him to his nap. They go downstairs and thank Sam for looking after Kurt now and helping protect him last night. When the other kids come home from school, they hug and thank them as well. Especially Finn and Blaine. Those two get a special thanks from the parents. They stay the night, wanting to make sure Kurt really is fine and to help with his initial recovery. They head home the next day with a promise of being kept informed of Kurt's recovery.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Cassandra July walks across campus, greeting or ignoring students as she pleases. She knows she's a bitch, but it's how she is and how she molds her students into tougher versions of themselves. Spring is in the air and the weather is slowly warming up. More students are spending time on campus grounds instead of huddling inside for warmth. Her eyes catch a small group of students walking a little ways away from her. Among the students are Rachel Berry, Kurt Hummel, and Blaine Anderson. She fights to keep a smile off her face. She can't help that they've become her favorite students. They're hard working, talented, and overall good people. She's had to push them into being tougher over the years, but they've risen to every challenge she's presented them with. They take her insults and let them roll of their backs. They use the frustration to push themselves to be better and that's exactly what she looks for in her students. They can't crack when insulted or facing mean employers and coworkers. It was hard for her, though. Especially to be mean to Rachel and Kurt. She'd spent a long time watching Kurt's vlog and learning about their lives and everything they had to face. They've faced things most of their classmates never had to. It made them tougher. It made them want it more. She frowns slightly, thinking of the vlog. Kurt rarely posts on it anymore. He posts information about the benefit every year and makes the occasional video, but other than confirming that Rachel is still healthy, he doesn't really use it much anymore. He probably just got too busy with college and his part time job. She wonders if the normal viewers are disappointed in that or not. Probably. She's sure she would be disappointed for less updates if she wasn't their teacher and couldn't see them regularly. Realizing that after they graduate she'll be forced to peruse the Broadway website for information on them, and even then it'll be limited, causes her frown to deepen. She wonders if she could find a sneaky way to convince Kurt to make more regular updates on his vlog. Then, even after graduation, she can know how things are going with them.
Then again, with April being her best friend and still hot on Broadway, she'll probably know all about those three and be able to report back to her. The Broadway star is still anticipating working with Rachel Berry in the near future.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The final grade in Rachel's acting class is a performance, unsurprisingly. Students were selected at random to work together in either pairs or small groups. Each group was assigned a topic or theme and had to write, choreograph, and perform their scene for the class and professor. When Rachel had read their theme "strength" she and her partner had struggled to agree on what it meant and what type of scene they should create. She wished she could have been partnered with Kurt, as he's in this class with her. That would have been convenient. Bryan isn't a bad classmate, but he's arrogant and bullheaded. Rachel had to work hard get him to work with her instead of trying to just tell her what to do. In the end, they agreed on a general scene, then sat down to write out a script. The idea had sprung from a conversation with Tina, who had shared a rumor with her about their old gym teacher. Rachel prayed it wasn't true, but also knows it's none of her business. Still, it gave her the idea for this scene.
"Alright, who is up next?" Their professor says.
Bryan raises his hand and Rachel stands. Kurt gives Rachel an encouraging nod. She refused to tell him about her scene, wanting him to see it for the first time along with everyone else. He did the same with his scene. All they know is each other's group members and theme. Rachel and Kurt flipped a coin to see who got to use Artie for his help. The guy showed his talent with directing in the past and is currently attending a college for the arts that'll help him become a director one day. In the end, Artie agreed to work with both of them, but only to give feedback and a few tips, not to help write it. They agreed. Considering Rachel's scene had Artie riveted and completely silent, she knew instantly that she and Bryan had done well. Artie agreed, but still gave her a few tips.
"You know, you've blown me away with your singing more times than I can count." Artie had told her. "But this is the first time you blew me away with your acting."
She'd jumped up and down happily before hugging him. She always gets praise for her singing. It's nice to finally get praise for her acting as well. Now, she and Bryan take their places to begin their scene. They set up a table with two chairs in the middle of the room and sit. They pretend to be a married couple eating dinner together. Bryan, in character, immediately begins the scene by berating her character. As his wife, she stares down at plate, her face a fake mask, but makes sure to show her occasional hard swallows and tremble to her jaw. Bryan's acting is phenomenal. He acts angry and disgusted, giving just a hint of the possibility of being drunk. He'd been mildly disturbed when she'd given him tips on how to do that but refused to explain that she was pulling from memories of her father. He didn't need to know that. Her fingers hold the prop steak knife and she stares down at like she's never seen it before. She lets her audience see her body language change from a weak victim accepting the verbal beating to slowly gaining strength, working through uncertainty and fear before finally settling on confidence. That's when she allows her eyes to meet Bryan's.
"Oh, now you grow a fucking spine? It's only been how many years?" He scoffs. "Go clean the dishes. Your chicken is dry anyway. I can't eat this shit."
He shoves his plate away.
"Maybe the chicken isn't dry. Maybe your mouth is dry from all the whiskey you drank earlier." She hisses.
He moves fast. They planned it this way, so she's prepared, but she hopes their audience is not prepared. He slaps her across the face (Rachel catching the blow with her hand in a quick, unseen move), knocking her off the chair. She hits the ground and immediately tries to scramble away from him. No matter how many times they've rehearsed this, memories of this exact scenario from many years ago play out in her mind. Nine year old Rachel scrambles on the kitchen floor, trying to escape her angry father before he swings at her again. On the upside, she's able to use that emotion to push her performance to another level. As planned, she stands and presses her hand to her cheek, shoulders hunching and body turned slightly away. A wounded animal. Bryan's body language changes. He allows the audience to see his regret before he expresses it verbally. He shifts on his feet, his hands swinging awkwardly like he's unsure what to do with himself.
"I-I'm sorry. You know how sorry I am. You know I didn't mean to. I just— my boss has been hounding me every chance he gets and everyone's on my ass at work and—if I'm being honest, I always feel like I'm disappointing you. But that's no excuse. I know I can't lose my cool anymore and I won't. I promise."
Rachel lowers her hand and stares at him impassively. He shifts uncomfortably. "C'mon baby, sit down again. The chicken's not that bad. See?"
He sits, pulls the plate back over, and pretends to eat. When she remains standing, unmoved, he stops. "C'mon, baby. You've got my word."
His voice gives her shivers of disgust. She clocks shivers from several students. He's a great actor and he's proving it. Rachel takes a step closer to the table and grabs the prop steak knife. He gives a slight, incredulous huff at the sight of it.
"What, are you gonna stab me?"
"Not with that one, it's too small." She finally speaks, setting it down again. So far, the majority of her acting was through body language. Now, she speaks. "Maybe the big one in the kitchen. The one I've been sleeping with under my pillow."
Bryan covers his face. "Oh, God. God, baby. I'm so sorry." He even manages to get some tears to well up in his eyes. "How'd we let it get so out of hand?"
One of her favorite parts of this scene is the look she gives him at that; the audacity of blaming her for him abusing her. "I'm out. I've got shame about what happens between us, but I leave that here with my ring and with you."
He leans forward anxiously, his voice becoming desperate and shaky. "Oh, please. Don't—don't leave me, okay? You can't hate me any more than I already hate myself."
"I don't hate you!" She yells, her own eyes welling up now. "That's the awful part of it; I love you! But what does that say about what I think of me?"
She takes off the cheap ring she purchased just for this scene and tosses it onto the table. Bryan abruptly stands and swipes everything off the able in a swift, violent motion.
"What're you gonna do, huh? Just walk out on me?" He shouts. "Who's gonna love you the way I've loved you? Who's gonna love you now?"
There's a pregnant pause. They stare at one another intensely, a mix of hurt, anger, fear, and desperation on their faces. Rachel allows her body language to show just a moment of hesitation and uncertainty before straightening and lifting her chin.
"Me."
Her tone, her facial expression, and her body language all putting incredible emotion into one single word. Strength. Rachel doesn't react to the sucking in of air she hears from multiple people, or the following sniffles. She turns and walks away, out of the designated "stage" area of the classroom. There's dead silence in the room. Half the class has shining eyes, watching intently. She grins and bows before wiping under her eyes. Bryan does the same. The class breaks out into applause. Their professor raises an eyebrow, nods, and writes some notes on the pad on his lap.
"Well done." He says approvingly. Then he addresses the class. "Next?"
There are no volunteers to go after them.
xxxxxxxxxx
A/N: I mostly put in the Shelby nightmare and need to visit Rachel to show that, after everything she went through, there is a part of her that will never recover from the trauma of it. She will always be worried and panicky over Rachel's health. That will never go away completely. And I always wanted to find a way to include that scene where Shannon leaves her husband in my story. That scene never failed to bring tears to my eyes and make my throat tighten. I obviously had to make some changes, but I like how I adapted it.
A/N 2: Only one or two more chapters to go for this book! That's the good news. The bad news is I'm in the process of moving. Anyone who knows what that's like knows it's time consuming and stressful. That's on top of work being very busy at the moment (but that should slow down in the next week or two). I don't have ANYTHING else written right now and zero time to write more at the moment. Plus now that my health issues are calming down, my best friend's mother is experiencing serious health issues and I want to support them. So I have no idea how long it'll be before I post again. But I will as soon as I can, I promise. It just might take a few weeks.
