Chapter Eleven: (Big Day)
Unknown time in the morning with the rays from the sun itself wakes Fiona. Fiona started stretching and yawning before sitting up on the dry rock surface of the cave. Rubbing her face with her right hand in an attempt of getting the fatigue off her face before doing another yawn. She smacked her mouth before licking her slightly dry lips and noticing the need for drinking some water. With that in mind, she is going to set out just that.
"Before I leave, let me check myself first." Fiona checked her hands to see if they were back to normal. "Good, they are still normal."
With that said, Fiona rose up and carefully moved her bark door out of the entrance. When done doing this she took the moment to check to see if three were asleep, which they were to her relief since wanted to show some appreciation. After overhearing and looking over the conversation that Donkey and Shrek was having, it made Fiona think twice about her rude and ungrateful behavior. The two subjects of the conversation standout to Fiona with learning more about Shrek's reason of being deeply antisocial, due to others judging him based upon his appearances and what lore of his people are. Then the second one is about how Jason ended up with Shrek, which Fiona was also hurt about the black teen.
"Oh, you poor motherless kid." Fiona stood over a sleeping Jason as she bent down to mess with his hair a bit, before laying a kiss on his forehead.
"Mmmmm, Goldi, you taste so yummy down there." Jason spoke in his sleep.
Fiona stopped dead. She tilted her head in confusion and curiosity. "Who is Goldi?."
Jason turned over in his sleep and spoke in his dream. "Wow, Goldi, you were amazing in my bed. Can not wait for the second round with you, after we get ourselves some rest tonight. Till then let us kiss each other good night, shall we, baby?."
Fiona watched Jason kiss his right hand with passion before stopping and laying on it with a big smile on his face. "Oh, boy. The teen is having himself a wet dream. Whoever this Goldi character is, she most certainly got Jason turned on. I hope that he did not play with himself last night."
Fiona quietly backed away from Jason and turned herself around before making her way down to find herself some fresh clean water. She followed the sticks that were shoved into the dirt, assuming that Jason had done this in order for none of them to get lost in finding their way back to their temporary camp. As a matter of fact, Fiona discovered that the teen had marked a location to where freshwater is located as she followed another trail of shoved-into-the-ground sticks. Upon arriving at the small lake, she put both hands together and scoop up some water to drink. The taste is excellent to Fiona's opinion as she took a few more sips of the water before using her wet hands to clean her face.
"Mam, I would do anything to have myself some actual soap." Fiona splashed some water on her face. "Being in that tower for so long, I completely forgot what soap smells like."
After getting up off the grassy ground, Fiona took this chance to do a little princess-style routine to her enjoyment. Such as twirling around and singing a tune. Out of nowhere a perfect instrumental sound began to play, which Fiona knows what it was since she is doing it herself as she continued singing. Suddenly a nearby bird heard Fiona's voice before flying out of her nest and sat on the branch above and joined her. Fiona stopped when hearing the bird imitate her tune.
"Oh, hello, friend." Fiona welcomed her little feathered friend as she went on singing.
The bird happily chirped in matching Fiona's tune. Fiona is feeling herself as she is starting to raise the tune up. The bird carried her chirp to keep up with Fiona. Fiona raised her tune once again. The bird did so as well.
"And the big finish." Fiona told the bird before closing her eyes and sang the highest tune that her lungs can give.
The bird itself had reached its limits as she chirped her hardest to match Fiona's tune, as the poor thing started to inflate itself without stopping as it really wanted to be on the same pitch. The instrumental music itself and Fiona completely stopped once hearing a loud burst. Fiona jumped up a bit before taking her eyes on the source of the interruption, which so happens to be where the bird once stood with only its steaming legs remaining. Fiona had a look of guilt on her face as she started softly biting her thumbnail.
Fiona took her thumbnail out of her mouth. "Oh, darn, darn, darn. I did it once again. I thought Mom said my encouraged singing of accidentally making birds explode was just a little girl's phase. Mom was wrong. So, So, very wrong indeed."
Fiona breaks her worry and sadness when noticing the dead bird's three eggs in the nest. This has given Fiona a positive idea on what to do at this point. She grabbed those eggs before making her way back to the camp and started frying those eggs for the boys. All she needed was a flat rock sitting over the fire and a clean stick to touch the hot surface. The first person that woke up from the smell of fresh cooked eggs was Shrek, who saw Fiona on the ground cooking the food to his surprise. He turned his attention to his still sleeping son and nudged him to wake up.
"Mmmmm, Uhhhh, Goldi." John snuggled into his sleep. "Your mouth feels so good on my shaft."
"What?." Shrek looked at his son after hearing what he just heard. Meaning that his son encountered and is smitten with another girl. "Just great. Now, I have two girls to worry about when dealing with you. Wake up, Jason."
"Uh?. What?." Jason woke up and smelled food. He looked at his father. "Morning, Dad. Sleep well?."
Shrek looked at his son. "I managed. I know you had a good time in your sleep. Your wet sleep that is."
"Wet sleep?." Jason's eyes grew wide. "Don't tell me that I pee in my sleep. Dad, I should have gotten out of that phase when I was a toddler."
Sherk shook his head as he was getting ready to wake up Donkey. "I advise you to check the inside of your pants because that is not the kind of wet sleep that I am talking about."
With that said, Jason checked the front of his pants and saw that it was not urine. Instead he saw a little bit of his jizz from the tip of his member and wet jizz stains in his underwear. Remembering what and who he was dreaming about made Jason blushed in embarrassment as he let go of his pants.
"Yeah, baby, hop on my saddle and I will show you a good time baby." Donkey spoke in his sleep and he too was excited.
"Even the ass is having a sex dream." Shrek sighed as he slightly kicked Donkey.
"Hey, now, I am up, I am up." Donkey stood up.
Fiona smiled at three. "Morning boys. Hope you like your eggs cooked camp style."
"Why are you doing all this?." Shrek sat up in curiosity.
"Well…" Fiona scooped the cooked eggs onto another flat rock that had a big green leaf on it. "I thought that I should show some actual gratitude to you guys for saving me. And wanted to apologize for how I acted."
Fiona set the cooked eggs down in front of them. "Well, eat up. We have a big day ahead of us!. A Big Day."
Shrek, Jason, and Donkey looked at each other as they all had one thing on their mind. What made Fiona so charitable?. They took their time eating an equal share of eggs before leaving their former camp to find a way out of the woods. Which was the same thing they did yesterday. The four were once again exploring in the forest in hopes of finding some sign that they were close to getting out of the woods. Shrek and Donkey were leading the way as Jason and Fiona were walking behind them. Talking with each other.
"I should have asked her and her family how to get out of here." Jason commented to himself.
Fiona however heard what he just said. "Is one of them named Goldi by any chance?."
This made Jason stiffen up on the question that is being asked of him. "I do not recall any one by that name."
Fiona nudged Jason with a smirk on her face. "You can not pull a fool out of me, kiddo. I heard you say her name in your sleep."
"Wait, why were you hearing me in my sleep?." Jason looked at Fiona weirdly.
"Not to be a molester, just to be clear." Fiona jumped over a nice-sized rock. "But back to you. Between you and me, it is utterly normal to have wet dreams from time to time."
Jason made a small fake laugh. "Yeah, it is normal to have them when you are somewhere in a dungeon for some time."
"That is true, but playing with yourself is normal for everyone who is single and a virgin." pointed out Fiona.
"Like you?." Jason shoots back.
Fiona smiled. "Exactly!."
Jason dropped his victory smirk as this is not the reaction he wanted from the woman. And now he is going to hear her talk about giving herself some relations. And boy, there are some things to keep to yourself.
"One of the things that keeps me from going crackers is thinking about my future husband who is going to rescue me. Originally, my wet dreams would be me hitting the sheets with my darling Prince Charming." explained Fiona.
"I believe that it is too late for you to be going crackers, Fiona." Jason took a look at their surroundings. "Besides, who is to say that Prince 'So-Called' Charming is really charming?."
Fiona rubbed her chin in thought. "Good point, Jason. Mom talked so much about him in my time of depression as a little girl, who is not allowed to go out at night. Now, back to this girl you like."
"I do not like her." Jason responded back quickly and the guilty look was showing.
"You love her, yes?." Donkey turned around.
"I mean…I am starting to non stop thinking about her, Donkey." John placed his hand on his heart. "But my heart beats for Rachel."
Shrek stopped walking and turned to face his son. Secretly hiding his fear within himself while crossing his arms. "So what is then, Jason?."
"What is what, Dad?." Jason stopped walking.
"What I mean, Jason, is that you are starting to have girl problems." Shrek spoke fatherly. "First it was that Irish girl in Duloc and now there is a second girl. How and when did you meet her?."
"Does it really matter, you guys?." Jason hopes that he will get the desired answer he wanted.
"Yes!." said Shrek, Donkey, and Fiona.
Jason sighed. He is really hoping that they would say no or just forget about the question. But Jason knows his ogre father way more than anyone, which is that his father would not let the conversation go until the other person fills in the other half of the conversation. Either way, his father wants to know.
"Alright, fine." Jason sighed. "I met this girl and her family last night in the woods. After I got done chopping wood for our fire."
"And…" Donkey pushed the conversation further.
Jason sighed. "And I bumped into her and her family when I was making my way back to camp. Unfortunately, I encountered her and her family when they were on the run after robbing a jewelry wagon."
"What is her name?." Shrek asked.
"Goldi. The girl's name is Goldi, Shrek." Fiona spoke with zero hesitation.
"Hey, he was asking me, not you, snitch." Jason scolded.
Fiona shrugged. "Hey, he did not ask who to answer. I thought he was asking any of us."
"You are down right stupid." Jason commented.
"Stupid is what Stupid does, Jason." said Donkey, in defense of Fiona.
Jason continued his explanation about Goldi, even though he did not want to share this information for a very good reason. He went on telling the three while they walked down the grassy path, that Goldi is adopted by the three bears family which means that she is in fact Goldilocks. Jason continued on saying that he told Goldi that she and him were one and the same, since the two were undoubtedly prime examples of misfits. From there, he told them that he somehow managed to sweep Goldilocks off her feet through her heart without having to sweet talk her. From there, he told them he ended up causing the double-afro blonde to fall madly over heels in love with him and even stole his first kiss.
Just by being a silly little fool in being tricked into closing his eyes after Goldi told him that she has something special that she wanted to give him. She told him that it was something that they both will cherish and value together personally. Then on, Jason told the three that he went to explain to her and her family that this is not how love works, even though the girl's adopted bear mom recalled that is how she ended up with Papa Bear.
"She sexually harassed you?!." Shrek yelled in anger.
"It is not sexual harassment if I kissed back." Jason pointed out.
"You kissed her back?." Fiona had a look of disbelief. "In that case I am so surprised that you did not have sexual relations last night."
Jason shook his head before resumed walking. "You all know what has happened to me last night, so can we all please continue walking and finding a way out of here, please?."
Shrek shook his head as he resumed walking. "You could have at least asked them on how to get out of these woods."
"It did not cross my mind, Dad. Mind too busy in being blown away from Goldi's sweet lips." Jason responded back.
Fiona hop scorched her way up to Shrek with Donkey speed walking up. "Do not feel so bad about some girl messing with your son, Shrek. The first kiss is true love."
"Wait, I thought you were supposed to get to know the girl more and not jump on the ship so soon?." Shrek looked at Fiona.
"Sometimes you do and sometimes you do not. It always depends on the individual and the single. But mostly it is the singles who are tired of living, eating, playing, relaxing, and sleeping by their lonesome. Oh, and most definitely they are tired of having self-sexual relations to themselves. I know my ass is tired of doing it." Fiona spoke honestly with a sigh.
Donkey chuckled. "I can relate, Fiona."
Fiona laughed as she looked at Donkey. "I know you would agree with me, Donkey. What about you, Sherk?."
Fiona turned her attention to Shrek as she already knows that obvious answer based on her overhearing the conversation last night. Shrek had a good idea on what Fiona is trying to do.
"Whatever that I do in my bedroom is my business, princess." Shrek responded.
Fiona made a fart noise with her mouth and then spoke. "Do not be ashamed about having self relations, Shrek. Having relations is a beautiful thing. As a matter of fact, I am going to hum about having relations so that way this will make you feel comfortable about it."
"Please, don't. For the love of pete." Shrek begged.
Fiona confidently spoke. "I will."
"You wanna be back on my shoulder?." Shrek threatened.
"Nope. Never mind." Fiona quickly responded as she turned facing forward.
An hour had gone by in the woods for the four as they took the time to break for lunch. Nothing much. Just some fish from the very small pond and some berries. The meal was good, all considered eating raw fish and such but they would not complain. They continued adventuring as the four moved forward into the woods. So far they have not seen any signs of any people or people signs, let alone having no any signs of the forest getting shorter. Still they are determined. The four are very determined to continue on their journey back to Duloc through the woods. Shrek lets out a loud belch to break the too quiet silence since he needed to get some
"Shrek!." Donkey frowned.
"What?." Shrek playfully said. "It is an ogre compliment, Donkey. Better out than in, I always say."
Jason chuckled with his father as he too burped. "Yep, it is one of the best compliments that an ogre culture can create."
Donkey shook his head while Fiona smiled at hearing the fun fact about ogre culture.
"Well, I do not know about you two, but…" Donkey looked at them with his frown in place. "That is no way to behave in front of a princess!."
Out of nowhere to Donkey, Sherk, and Jason surprise, Fiona bleaches and plays a tune with it like a professional during a concert. After doing this, Fiona looked at the three with an innocent smile.
"Thanks. I was holding that one in for the longest." said Fiona.
Shrek, Jason, and Donkey looked on in utter shock as they have never thought that Fiona is the princess of the out of the ordinary.
"Geez, Fiona is just as nasty as you two." Donkey pointed out.
"No kidding." said Jason.
Shrek slightly chuckled. "You know something Fiona?. We are starting to think that you are not what we expected you to be."
Fiona looked at Shrek with a smirk. "Well, Shrek, do not judge me until you get to know me. Sounds familiar?."
After saying this, Fiona started loudly humming a tune as she did a little spin and dance and was full of herself. But that all changed when a sudden masculine voice yelled as he swung and swooped Fiona off the ground.
"Fiona!." Shrek called as he and the others ran over to where she and the stranger landed on a large tree branch.
Jason took a look at the man in green tights and that green hat. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me."
"What do you mean?." Donkey looked at Jason.
"The guy that nabbed Fiona is no other than Hood. Robin Hood." said Jason. "And it looks like he stopped stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, and started getting himself the piece of the pie."
Robin Hood boldly laughed. "You are mistaken, kid. I still steal from the rich and give to the poor. But I prefer getting my cut of the money than having a slice of a pie."
Jason crossed his arms. "It is a metaphor, Mr. Hood."
