AN: An extra long chapter to make up for the next one being super short. A big chunk of this was written while dealing with a sick kid and more vomit than I ever want to see again in my life, so there's probably a lot of typos and errors that I'm too sleep deprived to find. Sorry. I hope you like it though!
Harry stepped out of the floo and into Remus's parlor.
"Hello, Harry," Remus said, looking up from the record he was placing back in its sleeve. He put it on the shelf with the others and asked, "How's Severus feeling?"
Harry rolled his eyes. "He feels good enough to get on to me every five minutes," he grumbled as he crossed the room and dropped heavily onto the couch.
Remus stopped looking through his records and turned to Harry with a frown. "For no reason?"
Harry dropped his head and picked at a loose thread on his jeans. "Maybe he had a few reasons."
"Ah." Remus crossed the room and sat down in his chair. "Do you want to talk about it?"
At first Remus was sure that Harry wasn't going to say anything. He watched as he seemed to debate with himself for a long moment before finally he said, "Everything's changing and I feel like I can't keep up."
"What do you mean, Cub?" Remus asked. "Is this about more than Draco leaving and the nightmares?"
"It's about everything. I want to believe that Draco is alright, and he seems fine from his letters, but how can he trust her? She let Mr. Malfoy shun Draco just because he didn't like that Draco was thinking for himself for once. How could she go along with that?"
Remus sighed. He leaned forward, letting his arms rest on his knees as he spoke, "Harry, can I ask you a question?"
Harry gave a single nod and looked up to meet Remus's eyes.
"Does this have anything to do with your relatives and how they treated you?"
Harry immediately looked away. "No."
"No?" Remus asked. "Nothing at all to do with how they ignored you? Pretended that you didn't exist unless it suited them to have you doing chores or whatever other miserable thing they could come up with."
Remus watched as Harry shook his head, continuing to look away.
"Draco doesn't deserve that," he said softly.
"No, he doesn't," Remus agreed. "And neither did you."
Harry turned back to him, his green eyes shining as he said, "I know that."
Remus sat back, deciding that it would be better to let Harry sort through his thoughts on his own for a moment.
"Why do they still effect me so badly?" Harry asked quietly. "I haven't seen them in a year, but suddenly I'm thinking about them more and more, and the nightmares are getting worse."
Remus shook his head. "Because healing is not linear, Harry. It's not always constant steps forward. Sometimes there are setbacks and triggers that come up out of nowhere, and often there's very little we can do about them. We just have to take them as they come and work through them one at a time." He stood and moved to sit on the couch beside Harry. "Only last year they were doing awful things to you, and you've handled it remarkably, you truly have, but as much as we would like it to, trauma doesn't go away overnight. Or even in a year. But talking about it helps. Surrounding yourself with people who love and care about you does, too."
Harry kept his head bowed, but he nodded to show he was listening.
"Are the nightmares still about your uncle?"
"Mostly," Harry said. He cleared his throat and swiped his hand beneath his glasses before he went on. "Sometimes lately, they've been about Dad though."
Remus's brows knit together in confusion. "What about him?" he asked.
Harry shrugged. "They usually start out with Uncle Vernon being horrible like always, but then things will shift around and it will be Dad there instead. Only he just looks at me and doesn't say anything at all. I try to talk to him and ask him for help, but he doesn't listen. He just turns around and walks out the door. He leaves me there." Harry's voice was thick and he sniffed hard. "Every time I start yelling for him to wait or come back, but he doesn't. He just walks away."
"Have you told Severus about them?"
"No," Harry said, shaking his head. "It's just a stupid dream. It doesn't mean anything."
"I think perhaps it means more than you realize."
"No, it doesn't," Harry snapped. "He won't leave me."
"Of course not," Remus was quick to reassure him. "I only meant that maybe you're worried about it more than you want to admit. Logically you know that Severus isn't going anywhere, but your subconscious mind might be connecting him with your relatives who neglected and abandoned you, making you doubt his loyalty."
Harry narrowed his eyes. "That's all rubbish."
"Is it?"
Harry seemed to shrink in his seat. Then, very softly, he asked, "What if he starts dating Evelyn and regrets adopting me? Can he change his mind?"
"Absolutely not," Remus said firmly. "And even if he could, he wouldn't. Harry, I don't know much about what's going on between Severus and Evelyn, but what I do know is that he loves you more than anything, and there is nothing that could make him regret adopting you."
"He smiles when he gets letters from her," Harry said. "And they floo call at night."
"How do you know they floo call?" Remus asked.
"I woke up after a nightmare the other night and went downstairs for a glass of water. I heard them when I passed his room, but I didn't stop to listen, I swear," he rushed to add.
Remus smiled. He reached over and patted Harry's arm. "I'm glad to hear your eavesdropping days might be finally behind you."
Harry nodded. "Honestly, me too. I'd rather avoid the trouble it always brings me," he said with a laugh.
"So he's really been smiling?" Remus asked, a mischievous gleam in his eyes. "Interesting."
Remus leaned over and tapped the top of the coffee table, then just like it always did for Snape, food appeared instantly. A tray of tea and another of chocolate biscuits. He gestured for Harry to help himself before he poured himself a cup of tea and added several cubes of sugar.
"Yeah. He definitely likes her, that's for sure." Harry bit into a biscuit and said, "That's good."
"The chocolate ones are my favorite. And what do you think about her?"
Harry shrugged. "I like her fine. I don't dislike her, at least. She's been nice every time I've seen her." He paused as if trying to decide if he wanted to say something else.
"What is it?" Remus asked knowingly.
"Has he ever had a girlfriend?"
Remus nearly spit out his tea. He reached for a napkin and wiped his mouth before clearing his throat. "Er, yes, believe it or not."
Harry did not, in fact, look as if he believed it.
"There were a couple of girls while we were in school during sixth year, though I don't think they were serious at all. Severus was always too busy, or too focused to give anyone the time of day. Then after Voldemort vanished, he was too far in his grief and guilt over everything that happened. There was one woman about six years ago though. Her name was Alicia, and they dated for quite some time."
"What happened?" Harry asked.
Remus sighed. "He pushed her away," he answered simply. "She liked him a lot. Maybe even loved him, and I'm fairly certain that he felt the same way about her. But just when things were getting to the stage where we all thought he would ask her to marry him, instead he broke it off with her. She was devastated and didn't understand. She thought she'd done something wrong, but of course she hadn't."
"Why did he do that?" Harry's tea lay forgotten on the coffee table and he'd turned in his seat, listening closely to Remus as he spoke.
"I don't know. He wouldn't talk about it. But I think that Severus was struggling more than he would let on with what happened during his time as a spy, and perhaps even with the things he went through with his father. Severus mentioned once, a very long time ago, that he didn't feel deserving of love. If you ask me, that's why he broke up with Alicia. He still doesn't bring her up and I trust that you won't either," he added sternly.
"I wouldn't say anything."
Remus smiled. "I know you won't, Cub." He pointed to the biscuits. "Now, how about we have a few more of these. Merlin knows Severus probably counts every spoonful of sugar you get."
Harry nodded and reached for another biscuit.
Snape rubbed the back of his neck with a groan as he left the comfort of his chair and the book he was reading to answer the door. As far as he knew, he wasn't expecting anyone and he was more than prepared to tell whomever it was to bugger off immediately.
He grasped the doorknob and pulled it open.
"Oh, hello," he said, surprised as he took in the sight of Evelyn standing on the porch holding a steaming pot.
She smiled brightly. "Hello, Sev," she said. "Sorry to just pop in like this, but I wanted to bring you some soup and check on you. How are you feeling?"
"Much better today, thank you." Snape stepped back and motioned for her to step inside. "Please, come in."
Evelyn moved passed him and said, "I hope you like potato. It's my Mum's recipe."
"It's my favorite," he assured her as he took the soup and made his way to the kitchen.
"Where's Harry?"
Snape put the pot of soup on the counter and turned back to look at her. "He's spending some time with Remus. And hopefully coming home with a better attitude."
Even laughed. "I hope you're not being too hard on him. He has been taking care of you the last few days after all."
Snape led the way into the living room, but it was Evelyn who sat down first on the middle seat of the couch. She patted the spot next to her in invitation to Snape and after only a moment's hesitation, he took the seat.
Evelyn shifted in her spot so that she was facing Snape. She tucked a loose strand of her dark hair behind her ear and looked down at her lap. "I should probably admit," she said quietly, "that I didn't only come today to check on you."
"Oh?" Snape asked, looking down at her.
She let out a huff and said, "I suppose I missed you." Evelyn's cheeks colored and she rushed on, "I mean, I missed talking to you."
Snape was certain that his heart stopped. He wasn't sure what to say to that. He knew what he wanted to say, which was that he felt the same. He'd missed talking to her over the last few days. He'd missed hearing her voice and reading her letters.
Right after Harry's adoption had been finalized, he and Evelyn began forming a sort of friendship. It started with her checking in on them from time to time, which wasn't necessary but Snape found that he didn't mind. Then they began talking more often until Evelyn confided that she was beginning to have feelings for him. Snape responded in true Snape fashion by pushing her away. Even though what he wanted to do was admit that he felt the same.
But he couldn't tell her that because Evelyn was so kind, and bright, and lovely, and she deserved far more than what Snape could give her. Snape, who had done nothing in his entire life to deserve the amount of good things that he currently had, surely didn't also deserve the love that Evelyn seemed to so desperately want to give.
Instead, he told her that he needed to focus on Harry. He needed to make sure he was adjusting and happy. So he took Harry on holiday and they had a wonderful time, and he only thought about Evelyn twenty or thirty times a day.
The problem was that Evelyn was not allowing herself to be pushed away according to plan. In fact, she seemed to be taking the plan into her own hands all together, and when Snape and Harry came back from their trip to the sea, there was a letter waiting for Snape that said she knew exactly what he was doing, but that if he could honestly tell her that he didn't want to talk to her, she would leave him be.
But then, Snape couldn't tell her that either.
So he decided that perhaps if Evelyn was set on remaining in his life, he could relish in the feeling of having her near for as long as she would allow it. Though whenever things became too close for comfort though, Snape would attempt to back off and distance himself, and Evelyn would give him space but ultimately she would send another letter that Snape would answer entirely too quickly for his liking.
It was working out pretty well, so far. Though it was getting harder to hide it from Harry though. Whenever a new letter showed up he'd ask what was making Snape so happy, and Snape would of course say that it was nothing. Harry would roll his eyes and walk away, then Snape would read through the letter a second time.
Her hand on his brought Snape out of his thoughts. His dark eyes met her blue ones and he smiled. "I missed talking to you as well," he said softly. He let his fingers intertwine with hers and said, "I missed you."
"Yeah?" she asked, as she shifted a fraction closer to him, bringing one leg up to cross over her other knee.
The hem of her lavender skirt rose up barely an inch, but it was enough to catch Snape's eye, and he had the instant urge to reach out and let his hand rest on her knee.
He cleared his throat. "Yes, well, Harry doesn't exactly have the best bedside manner."
Evelyn laughed. "He probably learned it from you, but not to worry, I have a wonderful bedside manner." She seemed to have no problem with letting her free hand rest on Snape's forearm. "I could prove it to you if you'd like."
Snape fought down the urge to grin. He was a grown man after all, not some love sick teenager. "I'd hate for you to catch the flu," he murmured as he rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb.
Evelyn leaned closer still. "I think that's a risk I'm willing to take."
Suddenly the floo roared to life just as Harry stepped out of the green flames.
Snape and Evelyn jerked away from each other, and Snape stood up.
Harry shook his head as he looked between them, and Snape felt wary as he seemed to be trying to decipher what was going on. He expected harry to be surprised, or perhaps confused, but what he didn't expect was for Harry to scowl at them.
"I should have known she'd be here," he said.
Snape raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me," he asked, his tone conveying a calmness that he didn't feel.
"Harry, I just dropped by to-"
"To what? Check on him? Sure. As if the two of you haven't been sneaking around for weeks."
Snape couldn't believe what he was hearing. Never in the last year had Harry spoken with such malice towards him, let alone to someone he hardly knew.
"Harry James," he snapped. "What is the meaning of this?"
"Uncle Remus said there wasn't any reason to worry, but you've been acting weird for weeks and now I know why. I bet you couldn't wait til I was out of the house before you invited her over. Much better than late night floo calls and letters, right?"
"And what is that supposed to mean?"
"I should go," Evelyn said, straightening her skirt as she stood.
Harry held his hand out. "Oh, don't leave on my account. I'll just go upstairs," he said sarcastically.
"You most certainly will not," Snape said reaching out as if to put a hand up to stop him. "You will explain yourself this instant, young man."
Harry rolled his eyes. "Why should I? Merlin knows, you haven't explained anything to me."
"What is it that you think I need to explain?"
"Whatever it is that you're hiding from me? Why can't you just tell me what's going on between you two?" Harry exclaimed, motioning between them.
"There is nothing going on!"
The room grew quiet and from the corner of his eye, Snape saw Evelyn's head drop slightly as she looked away.
Harry noticed too, and said, "You might want to tell her that." Then, Harry turned and sprinted from the room.
"Harry," Snape called, moving to go after him.
"Severus, let him go," Evelyn said quietly.
Snape turned to look at her but she was picking up her purse. "You're leaving?"
Evelyn scoffed. "Well, yeah, I think everything's pretty clear now."
"Really?" he asked, taking two steps and closing the distance between them. "Because nothing seems clear to me right now."
Evelyn's eyes narrowed as she crossed her arms. "What did you tell Harry about us? Does he know that we've been talking more lately? Or that we were ever talking to begin with?"
Snape opened his mouth but then closed it as he thought back. "Yes," he said finally. "He knows we've been writing letters and that we're friends."
"Does he know that recently we'd been moving past friendship? Or at least that I thought we were? Does he know that I care about you both a great deal? Does he know that you care about me?" Evelyn closed her eyes and shook her head. "No, of course he doesn't because you can't even admit that to yourself, much less to him or me."
"Evelyn, that's not-"
"True? Yes, it is, and you known it," she said firmly. Evelyn pointed her finger at him and went on. "You care about me, Severus, and it scares you to death. But if you can't be honest with yourself about it, or even admit to your own son that we're at the very least talking, than what are we even doing?" She didn't give him a chance to respond. Instead, she turned on her heel and walked to the door.
"Evelyn, wait," Snape said, following after her. "Let's talk about this."
She opened the door and stepped onto the porch before turning back to face him. "Sure. As soon as you realize exactly what it is you want, you come find me. But I'll tell you one thing, Severus Snape, I will not be anyone's secret."
And with that, Evelyn disapparated, leaving Snape alone in the doorway.
Snape shut the door with a sigh. This was not working out the way that he had planned.
He needed to talk to Harry first, and so he turned toward the staircase that led to the second floor. As soon as he got to the top of the landing he was met by Rook, who was lying outside Harry's room. He looked up when Snape approached, then stood and walked past him before going down the stairs.
Snape shook his head and knocked on Harry's door. He didn't get a response, but then he hadn't been expecting one either.
He opened the door to find Harry sitting on the edge of his bed, his hands clasped together between his knees as he glared down at the ground.
Snape didn't cross the threshold of the room. Instead, he leaned his shoulder against the doorjamb and put his hands into the pockets of his dark trousers. "I owe you an apology," he said softly.
Harry looked up but didn't say anything, so Snape continued.
"It was wrong not to tell you about Evelyn. I'm sorry."
Harry let out a small huff. "So there is something going on?"
Snape shook his head. "Maybe if I haven't entirely ruined things." He took a deep breath and crossed the room to Harry's desk. Snape took the chair and moved it so that it was facing Harry before sitting down. "Right after the adoption became final, Evelyn and I started talking. Only as friends, but towards the end of the school year it started to feel like more than that. I should have told you then, but I didn't and I don't have a good excuse for why. And even now, I'm not going to tell you every little detail. Honestly, Harry, some things are simply not your business."
Harry nodded at the pointed look that Snape was giving him. "I know," he said. "And in case you're wondering, I haven't been eavesdropping on you two or anything. I just overheard you talk with her through the floo a couple of times, but I didn't stop to listen. I promise."
Snape reached out and patted his knee. "It's alright. I believe you." He leaned back in the chair and said, "But after that, I didn't handle the situation in the best way and we stopped talking for a week or so. At that point, I didn't think there was anything to tell you. We went on holiday and I wanted to focus on you, so that's what I did. But when we came back, I had a letter from Evelyn waiting."
"And you've been talking ever since?"
Snape nodded. "More or less. And again, I should have told you. Especially once I realized that I," he paused to collect his thoughts. "When I realized that I have feelings for her."
"So Draco was right, then. You do like her?"
Snape raised an eyebrow as he studied Harry. "Do I even want to know what you and Draco have been saying about me?"
"Probably not," he answered. He sat up straight and squared his shoulders. "So what does this mean for us? What's going to change this time?"
"This time?" Snape asked, his head tilting to the side as he tried to work out what Harry meant.
"Yeah, you know, with everything else that's been changing. I mean first Sirius was on the run, then he was free and said he wanted to get to know me. Up until he decided to travel the world, at least. Then Draco was here with us, and as soon as I got used to that, he goes back with his Mum. Which is great," he added quickly. "I'm happy for him if that's what he wants. But now you and Evelyn are dating, maybe, and I don't know what that means for me."
And all at once the missing puzzle piece that Snape had been searching for over the last few weeks fell into place. "Harry-"
"I know that Remus said I didn't need to worry, but I just don't know-"
"Harry," Snape said again, this time louder.
Harry stopped talking and looked up.
"Nothing is changing for you. Not like you're probably thinking." He leaned forward again so that he was eye level with Harry. "I like Evelyn, and until today, I'm pretty sure she liked me too. I am, hopefully, going to talk to her and straighten things out with her, but even if I do, Remus is right. You have nothing to worry about. Evelyn cares a great deal for you and if everything works out, you'll be seeing a lot more of her. But aside from that, nothing needs to change for you. I've told you this before and I'll keep telling you over and over until it finally sinks in that head of yours; you are right where you belong and nothing can ever change that."
"But what if-"
"Nothing," he said firmly. "I promise that from now on, I'll do better about telling you things. And as far as things with Evelyn and I are concerned, I'm going to talk to her and if she'll have me, I would like to see where this goes. What do you think of that?"
Harry seemed to think about it for a moment before finally, he nodded his head and said, "Okay, that seems fair. But if you're going to ask her to marry you or something, can you give me a heads up first?"
Snape smiled. "I can do that. And not that it will come to that, and if it does it will be far into the future, but if it does, can you try to not go mental?"
"No promises." Harry grinned before dropping his gaze once more to the floor. "I'm sorry about today. I shouldn't have said all those things. They were mean."
"You were upset," Snape said. "Sometimes we all have moments where we say things in anger. The important thing is to learn from it and do better next time."
"I will. And I'll apologize to Evelyn when I see her next."
"I expect nothing less. Though I have to do some apologizing of my own first." He pushed up from the chair and said, "Will you be alright til I get back?"
Harry nodded.
"Good. Hopefully it won't take long." Snape was already moving towards the door. "We'll have dinner when I get back."
Snape apparated on Evelyn's doorstep, but he couldn't bring himself to knock. He was suddenly struck by the idea that perhaps muggles drove everywhere because it gave them time to think. He had absolutely no idea what he was going to say to her.
He paced the length of the small porch as he tried to come up with something, anything that would convince Evelyn that his feelings for her were real and that he truly hadn't intended to sound like such an arse earlier.
However, before he could think of anything suitable, the front door flung open and Evelyn stood there, glaring up at him. "Did you want something, or were you just planning to wear a hole through my porch with your constant pacing."
"Oh, er-" Snape looked behind him as if expecting to see an actual hole there.
"You've been out here for ten minutes."
Snape sighed. He wasn't used to feeling so out of sorts. He was content to blame the lingering effects of the flu for that.
"I wanted to talk to you," he said finally.
Evelyn studied him for a long moment before at last, she stepped back to allow him to enter the small house.
Snape gave a quick nod before moving past her and standing in the foyer. "Where's Brielle?" he asked, clearly stalling for more time.
Evelyn could see straight through him though. "She's with her parents this week. What did you want to say?"
Snape took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You told me to find you when I knew what I wanted," he said softly, taking a step closer to her. He reached for her hand and when she didn't pull away, he found the confidence to go on. "I want you."
"And Harry?" she asked, looking down at their intertwined fingers.
"I told him everything," Snape assured her. "And you were right; I should have done that from the start and I'm sorry that I didn't."
"Why didn't you?"
Snape had expected this question and he knew that if he had any hope of leaving here in Evelyn's good graces, he would need to be completely honest with her now.
He released her hand and stepped away, putting some distance between them. "Because I was afraid," he said simply. "Because talking about it, admitting that I have feelings for you, it would have made it too real. And if it's real, than it can be lost. It is a flaw that I now realize I've carried for years. When I was adopted, I wanted it to remain a secret so that nothing could harm the first good thing I'd had in so long. Then when Remus came along, I chose to live in the fear of what might happen if word got out that he was my brother, and because of that our last few years at Hogwarts were spent at each other's throats. I push people away before they have the chance to leave on their own, and Harry is probably the first person that I ever truly let in."
Snape turned away and walked a few steps to an end table sat against the staircase. A vase of flowers sat atop it and Snape gently touched the petal of a white rose as he said, "I have done far too many things in my life to be deserving of the few good things I currently have," he said quietly without looking at her. "I was afraid that if I truly let myself get close to you, if I acted on how I feel when you're near, eventually all of those things would catch up and you would realize that your time would be better spent on someone else. On someone good and worthy of good things."
Snape didn't hear her walk up behind him, but he felt her tap his shoulder and turned to face her.
Evelyn reached up and placed her hand on his cheek. "You, Severus Snape, are worthy of all the good things, and if you'll let me, I'll remind you of that every day."
Snape swallowed hard as he stared down into her blue eyes, seeing the truth in them.
"What do you say?" she asked.
He took her hand in his again. "Do you want to come have dinner with Harry and I tomorrow?"
Evelyn smiled. "I'd love to."
Draco woke up the next morning feeling content as he lay in his new bed. It had only been about two weeks since he had left Snape's Manor to move back in with his mother. They had rented a small apartment for the time being, but Narcissa had said they would be getting a house soon. Draco didn't mind though. The apartment was nice, and it was in the city which Draco loved. He'd taken to exploring London on his own the last few days and found that he enjoyed walking up and down the streets, and checking out different shops.
His mother didn't seem to mind too much what he did during the day, but he'd gone into a few places that he knew Snape would have a lot to say about if he ever found out.
Draco rolled over and sat up, throwing the blankets to the side so that he wouldn't be tempted to lay back down.
He was just searching through his closet for something to wear when he heard murmured voices coming from the living room. It was too early for company, in fact, he was surprised that Narcissa was even awake yet. She had taken to lying in on the weekends, but Draco didn't blame her.
Draco dressed quickly and left his room, but as soon as he stepped into the living room, he froze.
"Hello, Draco," Lucius said.
