It was mid morning when Zuko woke up.
The boat was much smaller even than his ridiculous little cruiser, only about twenty feet long. A pretty, twenty-year-old Fire Nation woman sat at the back, bending a stream of fire at a boiler, keeping the engine running. Katara sat a little away, wearing her sarashi with no shirt over, holding healing water against bruises along her arms. There were big nasty purple-black-yellow patches at her shoulder blades that she probably wasn't going to reach. Zuko lay under a sunshade at the front of the boat. The front of his yoroi was split open, he couldn't remember why. He just remembered getting beaten down by the old woman.
You lost. You're weak. The cure for weakness is training.
His head swimming, he crawled over to the middle of the deck and lowered himself to do a push-up. Then he collapsed.
Katara's head whipped around, and she hurried over. "For goodness' sake," she said. "You're still hurt! Lie down!"
"I'm fine."
"Ami, help!"
The Fire Nation girl looked over, shut a panel over the boiler, and came over. Together with Katara, she dragged Zuko back under shade.
"Sir, please," she said. "Doctor Masaru says you'll be weak until you can regenerate the blood the water witch damaged. Here." She went over to a cooler and pulled out a bento box. "Eat lots of meat and stay hydrated."
"I'm not hungry," he lied.
"I've got this," Katara told Ami, who went over to fiddle with the wheel and then the boiler again. "So help me but if you fight me on this, the next fifteen dinners I cook for you will be nothing but raw salted blubber with extra entrails. Eat. The stupid. Food."
Sulkily, he began eating. Katara fussed around, healing bruises on his back and arms, making sure he drank lots of water, then ate more, then drank more. She tried to heal at his scar, which had got worse again, but he shooed her away.
"You messed up," she said. "You assumed you knew everything when you didn't, and you got into a fight you couldn't win. You're so lucky I went to Hama's inn and I wasn't far behind when she went after you."
"Because you knew it was a bloodbender all along," he said sarcastically.
"'R'sai, baka," she said.
"It's pronounced urusai," he said with asperity.
"Arigato, baka," she said. "I knew it was dangerous and I told you we'd have a better chance fighting together. If you keep doing this, sooner or later you're going to get yourself hurt in a way I can't fix."
"I was fine before I met you."
"If you've got stupider over time, that's not something to brag about. And you should meditate before going to sleep. The past few nights, you've started grinding your teeth, you'll wear them down."
He gave her an annoyed look, and Ami wandered back over. "I didn't get why Doctor Masaru was happy with a waterbender going with one of us," she said, "but you really care about him, don't you."
Shyeah. She just doesn't want to be stranded in the Fire Nation.
thats not true she does care
"I can't tell you how much simpler my life would be if he cared about himself, too," Katara said.
"," he said.
"Sounds like my boyfriend, too," Ami said, heading back over to the engine.
Katara made to stand up, but Zuko caught her arm. She sat back down, giving him a questioning look.
"I want to try something," he said. He took her hand and sat against the sunshade stand.
She gave him a curious look, but leaned back against the stand too. She fidgeted for a minute, then her eyelids fluttered shut.
How much sleep's she working on? Any?
He shut his eyes and counted a hundred breaths. He focused on the feeling of her hand, the flow of heat and chi and her blood. He'd been taught the blood was fire, and that obviously wasn't true if a waterbender could bend it, but he had a hunch it was close to the truth.
lub-dub
"Sir?"
His eyes flicked open. Next to him, Katara jerked awake and pulled her hand away. His fingers tingled. Ami was standing in front of them. The boat was gently bobbing at a pier beside a village.
"We've arrived, sir," she said.
He blinked. Her expression was concerned. She was the first Fire National who'd looked at him like that since his mother went away.
"Right," Katara said, arching her back as a stretch before getting to her feet. Zuko's eyes flicked down, then back up to eye level.
He got up. Ami saluted.
"Thank you, sir," she said. "We were waiting for you for years, and you came."
"I know," he said. "I'll be back."
"We'll keep waiting as long as we have to, sir," she said.
He nodded, and he and Katara got off the boat.
The pier and the village were quiet. An old man sat nearby, a few fishing rods in place around him. He eyed them, giving Katara an unfriendly look.
"We're looking for an address," Zuko said. "Shibuya 2-3-1."
The old man squinted at him suspiciously. "Who are you?"
"Lieutenant Lee. He was my old commanding officer. I have something to give him. A gift."
"What's she, a trophy?" he asked, of Katara.
"Something like that," Zuko said.
"This is the Fire Nation," said the man. "You shoulda left her in the colonies where she belongs."
Katara made to give him a piece of her mind, but Zuko pre-empted it: he took the man by the lapels one-handed, hoisted him off his feet, and held him out over the water one-handed.
"Hey! Leggo, you –!"
Zuko shook him hard, interrupting whatever he'd been about to say. "I didn't give you permission to mouth off," he said. "Now. Shibuya 2-3-1."
"Ugh! Fine! It's that way, down the stone path, up the stairs."
"Thank you for your cooperation, jiji," Zuko said, depositing him back on the pier. "You want to stay where she" of Ami, who was watching impassively "can see you until I get back." He headed off, Katara trotting to keep up with his longer stride. He could feel the old fisherman glaring at the back of his head.
"Is that how you used to ask for directions, back when you were chasing us?" Katara undertoned.
"Sometimes. Usually I said I was one of your companions and we'd got separated."
"Did people really believe a Fire Nation prince claiming that?"
"People are stupid."
It was a long walk, and they both had to stop for a breather along the way: Hama had really messed them both up. Eventually they came to the address, a nice house with a big garden. A grey-haired man was working in the garden. Katara went stiff. Zuko touched her arm: Wait.
"Yon Rha," he called.
The man looked up and sat on his haunches. "Who's asking?"
"Lieutenant Lee. I'm from central archives. I'm here to clarify a report you wrote during your service."
Yon Rha got an expression of irritation. "What is it. I'm busy."
"Five years ago, at Wolf Cove City, you infiltrated enemy lines and engaged and eliminated a female waterbender. Congratulations. But the report left a few things out. Was she carrying a weapon?"
"No," Yon Rha said, bored. "Water Tribe women never do. That's the men only."
"I see. And did she attack you with bending?"
"I finished her off before she could start."
Katara made to take a step forward; Zuko held his arm out to check her.
"Was she threatening or attacking you at all?"
Yon Rha shrugged. "She was a waterbender."
"Did you see her waterbend at all?"
"She told me she was a waterbender," Yon Rha said, starting to get angry. "If you're thinking of cutting off my pension, you can't! I did it!"
"Not where I'm going with this," Zuko said. "Were you in mortal danger? Beyond the obvious of being in Water Tribe territory."
"Of course not," Yon Rha said. "I'm a commander, not some wet-behind-the-ears rookie, I know how to plan an assault. The operation was never in any danger."
"Do you believe me yet?" Katara asked Zuko.
"I do," said Zuko. "It seems some people really are that stupid. Let me make it up to you."
He dashed forward, kneed Yon Rha in the solar plexus, and got his arm in a lock.
"When you're ready," he said.
Yon Rha wheezed, his voice almost gone. "Agh – what're you – doing?!"
Katara stepped forward, her face set. "Do you remember me?"
Yon Rha squinted at her for long moments. Then his eyes widened. "Oh," he said. "You're that little Water Tribe girl. I – I had to!"
She drew water from her skin and slowly formed it into a three-foot-long ice lance.
"I was just following orders! I did and I'm sorry and – and you should take my mother! That would be fair!"
"," Katara said. "This world will be a better place without you in it."
"It will," Zuko said. "Go on. Finish it."
"Please!" Yon Rha cried.
Katara shot her ice forward.
"Remember this, Zuko," his mother said. "No matter how things may seem to change, never forget who you are. And I need you to promise me something. I'm afraid for –"
He blinked. Katara had pulled her attack to one side at the last moment. The ice spear had completely buried itself in the earth.
"… No," she said. She looked down and away. Yon Rha's lips curled upward.
"No?" Zuko asked, releasing Yon Rha.
"I can't do it," she said. "Even after that, knowing everything … I can't." She shook her head and turned to leave. Yon Rha massaged his arm and got to his feet.
"I see," Zuko said. "I was wondering. You can't bring yourself to do it. I can. I have."
He palm-struck Yon Rha in the face, knocking him back down and skidding him back fifteen feet. Katara stared, wide-eyed.
It's been a while. Let's do this.
"Water Tribe blood feuds?" he said. "If Water Tribesfolk want to forgive those, that's their business. But Fire Nation treason? You don't get a second chance after that."
"Tr-treason?" Yon Rha asked, clutching his nose. "I don't know what you're talking about! I never – I'm the most loyal man in the Fire Nation!"
"Do you remember Fire Lord Sozin's Directive 42?" Zuko asked, casual. "'Civilians and even combatants must be spared wherever possible.' If she wasn't even fighting back, that means it was possible. It was your raid, your plan, and it's on your head. Sayonara, Senpai." He drew his swords and stepped forward.
"Forty –?" Yon Rha repeated, scrabbling backward. "That wasn't in the rules of engagement! It wasn't allowed to be, I was ordered to suspend that!"
"Ordered?" He snerked. "You were the commander. Who could give you an order?"
"The Fire Lord did!"
"," Zuko said. "… I … yOu … What did you just say?"
"Yes! The order came from Fire Lord Azulon, two years before. We'd kept the waterbenders captive in a special prison camp, but one of them still escaped somehow. I-it was too expensive, and he couldn't risk it happening again, not after how much damage she did, so he amended the directive. It – it's written down, you can check the logs. I swear, I was just following orders!"
Zuko went very still for a long moment.
"Get out of my sight," he said.
"But – this is my –"
Zuko roared fire, orange with a shower of blue sparks that flash-carbonised half the garden and set the rest alight. Yon Rha ran for his life.
No.
you knew this
No, shut up!
face this face yourself
SHUT UP!
"Zuko," Katara said.
Her. This is her fault. She made us come here, she wanted this. She has to pay.
He was very aware of the swords still in his hands.
no
Finish it. Complete the cycle.
i said no
Heh. You think you can stop me?
i wont let you
Please. You're weak, you always have been weak. You're useless, you can't do anything without me. Every time we've ever got anything done, it's been me. Every single time. Who do you think you are?
i think i –
He sheathed his swords and smiled.
– am Prince Zuko, and I'm not going to let you hurt her or anyone else ever again! Get out of my head!
Really? You're still pretending I'm some evil spirit whispering lies in your ear? You can't just wish me away. I am you, Zuzu. I always have been you, and I always will be you.
I don't need you! I don't want you! Get out!
You're choosing to be a failure. Every moment of strength, cruelty, whatever you want to call it, that was me.
I don't care what you think! I'm taking my life back. Starting now! Get out and stay out!
"Zuko," Katara said again, insistent now. "Do you see, now? I wasn't making it up. The Fire Nation really is that cruel."
"I know," he said. "I knew you were telling the truth from the moment you said it."
She blinked. "You did? Then why'd you call me a liar?!"
"Because," he said, "if I admitted it, that we'd do something like that, then that would mean that mY mOTHer –"
He staggered into a tree and leaned against it to support himself.
Katara stared. "… Oh, Zuko," she said, and she stepped forward to hug him.
She held him for a long moment, then made to pull back, but he was still clinging on too tight. "We need to go," she said. "Come on." She took his hand and pulled, and he followed along with her, away from the destroyed garden. "I always thought of you as Prince Zuko, son of the Fire Lord. I never wondered about your mother at all. You never said anything."
"i miss her so much"
"… What happened to her?"
"I don't know. I … Azula said Grandfather wanted to execute me, because of … The next day, he was dead in his chambers, and she was gone, and nobody ever said where or why. She was a master herbalist. I think she poisoned him. So then, after …"
"Your father banished her?" Katara asked. "But – why?"
Zuko wiped his eyes and shook his head. "No," he said. "He didn't. Because if I'm right and she poisoned Grandfather, that means she could've poisoned him, too, just as easily. He would never leave a loose end like that. She was too dangerous to let go, and she knew that. She gave her life to save me."
"Just like mine."
"Then they'll be the last two."
He stopped and pulled his knife out of his boot. Never give up without a fight. He took off his hat, then chopped off his topknot. Katara stared, not understanding exactly why it was so important, but knowing how important it was to him.
"I still have a lot of questions I don't know the answer to," he said, "but I do know the answer to that one. Forget my honour, I'm going to restore my country's honour. We're not going to tear families apart just because it's easier that way. I will take my country back, and I will make it right again. If I have to go through my father to do it, then that's exactly – aah!"
He doubled over in pain, clutching his head. Katara rushed over to catch him. "Zuko? What is it?"
The pain subsided as quickly as it came, and he pulled his hands away. In them was a chunk of dead skin. Katara stared.
"Oh," she said. "Your scar. It's …"
He blinked. The skin around his eye was tender and new, and he could open it fully. "What is it?"
"It's better," she said. "It's still there, but some of it just scabbed off. It – it looks pretty good now."
He poked at his scar. It tingled, and it was still tender, but it was fine.
Katara smiled at him, and for the first time, it was pure and happy: none of the love-hate baggage borne of him being her enemy, working against her, making everything hard; just a girl smiling at a boy she liked. She hugged him again, held him for a moment, then separated. "Let's go home."
They didn't say much when they took another ship back to the Earth continent, nor when Katara changed back into her Water Tribe blue, nor when Zuko bought a pair of ostrich horses and they set off east and north, past Gaoling, toward the desert.
"… Hey," he said at length. "Sorry I was such a jerk."
"Are you dying?"
He fought back a wry smile and made a gesture she never would have let him get away with had Aang been watching. "When I had dinner with Lee, at Gaoling, one of her friends gave me some advice. It sounded good at the time, but now I think maybe it wasn't."
"You aren't apologising for trying to kidnap Aang all those times, then. Or that time you set Kyoshi Village on fire. Or –"
"Forget I said anything."
There was a moment of silence.
"Go on," she said.
"I thought I should be more assertive, but I was just being vicious, and you didn't deserve that. So, I'm sorry about that. Especially, when I went to fight Hama, I shouldn't have said what I did. Thanks for not listening."
"I did listen," she said. "And it hurt. It just didn't hurt enough for me to leave you to die. You're a good person, when you aren't flat out being a jerk."
"I know, I'm sorry," he said, aware of how useless this was. "Well, thanks for not being as petty as me. I'll try to do better. I owe you one."
"I think I still owe you one," Katara said. "At Agna Qel'a, and then with General Fong. That's twice, Hama was only once."
Zuko waved that aside, Obviously those don't count. She looked away; he caught a flash of a smile.
She has a nice smile.
And I hate to turn it into a frown, but we can't put this off. It's important.
"You figured out how to copy Hama's bloodbending, didn't you?" he asked.
"Yeah," she said. "It – didn't feel good."
We'd wanted to learn the Southern style of waterbending ever since Pakku mentioned it. I hate that it was like that.
She took something that important to us, and twisted it into … whatever she was.
"Don't do it again," Zuko said. "Ever."
"I wouldn't. It's evil."
"That too," he said. "But I meant, you heard Yon Rha. Because of Hama, my grandfather decided waterbenders were too dangerous to keep prisoner, and you know who paid the price for that. If it becomes widespread, my father might decide all Water Tribesfolk are that dangerous, like Fire Lord Sozin did for the Air Nomads. And it wouldn't even give you much of an advantage, it's not actually that strong, it just makes you harder to keep captive. It caught me by surprise, but I figured out a counter. If Azula thinks about it, she'll figure it out too."
"How?" Katara asked, surprised. "It takes complete control of your body, how can you stop that?"
If we answered that question honestly, she'd think firebenders were too dangerous to be left alive at all. And she'd be right.
"Firebenders generate fire from our chi. If a waterbender tries to use her chi to control water inside us, all we have to do is use our own chi to run interference, and it wouldn't work at all."
"Are you sure? I don't think it works like that."
"It does," he assured her.
Is he telling the truth?
Does it matter?
She shrugged. "Like I said, it's evil. I'll never do it. Let's never speak of it again."
"Agreed."
"… Hey, Zuko," she said. "Once Aang's had a bit more time to master earthbending, would you teach him firebending?"
"… I guess?" Zuko said. "If I want to fix the Fire Nation, I can't do that with my father in power, and I can't beat him myself."
"You don't want to, though," she probed.
"It's literally treason, and I'm still a patriot. Yes, I know, but it's a big change. And I know I get talked into stupid stuff easily, I think I shouldn't agree to something like that right away. Just give me some time to think about it first."
"I guess it's not urgent," she said, hiding most of her disappointment. "It'll still be a while before he's done with earthbending. And he could use some more work on his waterbending."
"Let's see for ourselves," he said. "His cave's just up ahead."
They were at the base of the basalt rock formation. They tied up their ostrich horses in the shade, Katara gave them some water, and they climbed the rock. The outside was broken and scarred with earthbending debris: rocks extruded, reshaped, fallen, shattered. As they'd expected, with Toph giving lessons for a week.
"Hello?" she called.
She looked inside the cave: empty.
"Where are they? Why didn't they leave a message for us?"
Zuko had gone over the debris, to a chest-high wall with a circle through its centre. Its edges were smoothed but irregular, as for something that had melted and solidified again. He picked up a chunk of rock a few feet away.
"Fulgurite," he said.
"You're a geologist, now?"
"Uncle made me one of these when I was a kid. It's formed when lightning strikes rock and the heat melts and fuses it. This isn't natural. Azula was here."
10
