Aero didn't know when it started or why, but he knew how.
Ever since he was young, he felt like he wouldn't stand out from any of his siblings. Jasper was the jokester, Magma was the angry but kindhearted guy who liked to bake, Soma was the artist, Diamond was the psychologist, Marino was responsible and he looked out for everyone, Emerald was the tinkerer, Peridot was the seamstress, Astral was the lazy vintage lover, and Hermodactyloides was the linguist. They all stood out in their own ways that he felt like he was stuck in their shadows.
If they were amazing, then what was he?
He was simply a pilot, someone who liked to fly. Aero didn't even try to stand out, because he knew he would be outshined by everyone else. It didn't hurt to stay in the shadows, just as long as they acknowledged his existence. He was loved and he knew that.
At the same time, though, he felt that they wouldn't care enough if anything bad happened to him. He didn't go out of his way to eat. Aero did so whenever someone made food or he was forced to get something to eat. He was merely filling up the space for another person, he only helped by making sure they didn't have to go grocery shopping as often. If someone offered him some food or even a snack, he wouldn't decline, but he'd ask if they were certain with their offer.
It wasn't that he had no appetite, in fact he got hungry a lot, he just didn't want to be an inconvenience. Everyone would reassure him that he wasn't a burden, but he kept feeling otherwise. He felt bad that they ever needed to do so whenever he apologized for being a bother to them.
It sometimes kept Aero up at night.
She wondered if it really was better that she was noticed and loved than if they didn't notice her at all. They cared about Aero, but she wasn't too sure if it was because he was their brother or if they genuinely loved them. After all, she wasn't talented and amazing like they were, she was uninteresting. If anyone wanted a pilot, they could easily go to papa Sprx instead.
Maybe it was a good thing their attention wasn't always on her. Aero could do whatever they wanted to himself as long as she covered it up. She could hurt his legs as long as they kept the leg warmers on around everyone else. It took away the fact that anything he did wasn't different enough from his siblings. The cuts were never deep enough to prevent him from walking or running. How it happened was purely an accident, grazing himself as he was practicing with the magnetic saw blade, but he liked the feeling enough to keep going.
Aero knew it wasn't healthy to hurt himself like this, but it wasn't like anybody would notice the green scars on the back of his lower legs. It helped him feel better about his emotional pain, there wasn't a reason for him to stop. All he had to do was make sure he didn't lose too much blood or make very deep cuts. Very simple and easy, if he had to be honest.
At the same time, as much as they wanted to be alone, she wanted someone to stay with her as well. It was quite juxtapositional, that he knew, but Aero couldn't help wanting to be alone and to be with somebody at the same time. He supposed it was his way of wanting somebody to notice he was suffering on the inside, how self-destructive he had become. Despite that, he was scared of anybody knowing, whether it was his siblings or his parents.
He was scared of anybody ignoring him and pretending he was a ghost because of what he'd done to himself.
It was why he cried when Diamond found out about the scars.
He was afraid that she would tell everybody and that they would all ignore him. Not only that, but take away his saw blade too, since that added to his tendencies. Yet, despite all the worst case scenarios that ran through his head, she stuck around. She cared enough to help him. She made sure to check up on him as much as possible and made sure that he ate something. If he didn't, she'd make a meal just for him.
He felt so bad that Diamond was going through all of this trouble just for him, that she had to check on him so regularly even if it was after their sessions, but in a way he was glad. He didn't know how to explain the feeling. Outside the sessions they had, Diamond complimented him more frequently. She was doing everything she could to help him out on various levels. It didn't matter how small the action was, she did it. It made him feel some joy that she even did so.
Maybe it wasn't so bad being himself. Maybe he could stand out from the rest, just in his own way. He certainly knew that they cared a lot about him at least.
He was Aerodynamic Screwdriver, and even if it was taking a while, he was getting better.
