A/N: Surprised? Well, this story tells most of the same story of "Shrek", but not only in Fiona's point of view, but with her also narrating the story this time. In any case, this chapter is a late tribute to Steve Harwell of Smash Mouth, the "All-Star" of the hit song that made Shrek famous.
Shrek: Tale of the Ogre Princess
Chapter 1: A Fairytale Begins
Play Brian Tyler Music: "Universal Fanfare"
On a black starry background, as the sun shone on the planet in which it moved backwards across Europe and Africa. Then "UNIVERSAL" in white with golden bordering in sans serif rose upward as the sun went down, and light glowed on the continents. Then the screen eased back to its familiar position. The continents glowed on account of several cities on it as the globe revolved, showing the Americas. The sun shone, leaving a glow behind the Earth. Then the byline, "A COMCAST COMPANY" faded in underneath. The "UNIVERSAL" name shone before fading out.
UNIVERSAL
A COMCAST COMPANY
End Brian Tyler Music: "Universal Fanafre"
Play Harry Gregson-Williams Music: "DreamWorks Theme 2022"
The DreamWorks Animation logo played out as such: over a clear night sky, the Moon Child stood up from their crescent, grabbed it, and started flying while the moon vanished into light. As it moved throughout the sky, they passed by various characters from various franchises and films; in order, the Bad Guys (all inside a car, with Mr. Wolf pointing a finger gun at the Moon Child, which they do back), Toothless (who flew out of a constellation and towards the 4th wall), a lion and zebra named Alex and Marty respectively, Marty riding Alex like a horse, a cavewoman named Eep Crood swinging on a tree, and a Spanish-hat wearing, sword-wielding cat named Puss in Boots ripping open the screen with his sword before the scene transitioned into a sunny atmosphere, with some hills and a riverbank. The Moon Child then passed by Shrek, Princess Fiona, and Donkey , the former two of whom they wave goodbye to. The Moon Child then flew above the clouds into the cloud background with more defined clouds. As they stopped in front of the moon, the Moon Child cast their rod, forming the print logo design. As this happened, the text faded in under the moon.
DREAMWORKS
A COMCAST COMPANY
At the end of the logo, the S's in "DreamWorks" and "Comcast" turn green and grow out ogre ears, matching the film's logo.
End Harry Gregson-Williams Music: "DreamWorks Theme 2022"
Credits saying "Universal Pictures and DreamWorks Animation Present" and "A PDI/DreamWorks Production" appeared.
Then, a ray of light shone down on a leather-bound storybook. The book opened and a feminine voice narrator, named Princess Fiona, began reading its text.
"Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison; but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower. For her true love and true love's first kiss.", Fiona narrated as the story turned page-by-page, the words being read out loud.
But, of course, Shrek the Ogre chuckled and ripped out a page of the book before closing it. Well, that's okay, though!
"Now, my husband would say that it would never happen and that it was a load of, well, swamp water, but let me take you back to the very beginning of his story and you'll see that he was wrong.", Fiona added as the toilet flushed in an outhouse.
Play Smash Mouth Music: "All Star"
Out stepped Shrek. He tugged at his underwear and shook his foot off to remove the page that was still stuck to his shoe. He looked lovingly at the swamp he called home, and went about his daily routine, closing the outhouse door.
Meanwhile, Fiona woke up with a yawn as she sat up and stretched her arms before getting out of bed and laying her blanket on the bed neatly.
SHReK: Tale of the Ogre Princess
Meanwhile, Shrek started by picking up some mud with a bucket, setting it on a tree branch, taking off his clothes, and pulling on the rope, taking a mud shower as he scrubbed with a brush and even spat out the mud he was washing himself with.
Mike Myers
As for Fiona, she was also taking a shower, but she was doing so with the curtains closed, the silhouettes behind it indicating that she was washing her hair while also scrubbing soap on her body before the shower was done. As she got out of the shower, her footsteps made puddles of soap and water on the ground.
Eddie Murphy
Somebody once told me
The world is gonna roll me
I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed
She was looking kind of dumb
With her finger and her thumb
In the shape of an "L" on her forehead
Well, the years start coming
And they don't stop coming
Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running
Didn't make sense not to live for fun
Your brain gets smart, but your head gets dumb
So much to do, so much to see
So what's wrong with taking the back streets?
You'll never know if you don't go
You'll never shine if you don't glow
Hey now, you're an all star
Get your game on, go play
Hey now, you're a rock star
Get the show on, get paid
And all that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold
Back in the swamp, Shrek brushed his teeth with bugs, inspecting his teeth before the mirror broke with shards of it falling out to reveal a wooden base.
Cameron Diaz
Fiona was brushing her teeth as well, but with an actual toothpaste and a toothbrush as after a good brush, she gave a good grin, her pearly white teeth even flashing for a bit before she left the mirror's view.
While Shrek was bathing in a muddy pond in the swamp, adding his own bubbles, making a playful "Oopsy" face, and making a dead fish pop up from below before taking it...
John Lithgow
..., Fiona jumped into the cauldron to take a bubble bath. But when she heard a footstep, a red dragon with green slit eyes and some lipstick appeared and roared as if to attack. But it was a roar with a yawn, as Fiona didn't seem the least bit scared. If anything, the dragon smacked its lips after said roar before being greeted with the sight of her taking a bath.
It's a cool place and they say it gets colder
You're bundled up now, wait 'til you get older
But the meteor men beg to differ
Judging by the hole in the satellite picture
The ice we skate is getting pretty thin
The water's getting warm so you might as well swim
My world's on fire, how about yours?
That's the way I like it and I never get bored
Hey now, you're an all star
Get your game on, go play
"Good morning, Dragon.", Fiona greeted.
Dragon greeted her with a friendly growl before stoking the fire under the cauldron with a fire breath, turning it into a spa bath. It was relaxing enough for Fiona, but apparently, a bit too relaxing as suddenly, she heard a noise and saw more bubbles appearing than normal around the soap bubbles and the spa bubbles. Upon realizing what it was, Fiona blushed.
"Oh. Excuse me.", Fiona said to herself.
Even Dragon wafted the possible smell away toward the nearest window with her tail.
Hey now, you're a rock star
Get the show on, get paid
All that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold
While Shrek was gathering giant slugs for dinner, Fiona, now in her green dress, was out fighting off the knights that were of rude character like a major butt-kicker that knows karate, most of them dealt with only for one remaining knight to try and grab her only for Dragon to appear, none too pleased with the knight's less-than-chivalrous methods. The knight barely had time to turn around and yell out as Fiona ducked before the dragon let loose her fire breath on him. Later, Shrek was painting a warning sign out in the fields of his swamp. Impressed with his handiwork, he gave the sign a kiss, some lipstick showing on Shrek's lips before he set his sign (which read, "Beware Ogre") down next to the "Stay Out!" sign. At the same time, Fiona, having started working on a painting earlier, was going over the finer details of it, a bit stumped on what colors to use until she saw the sunset, which made her eyes light up.
Hey now, you're an all star
Get your game on, go play
Hey now, you're a rock star
Get the show on, get paid
And all that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars
In a nearby village, an angry mob gathered up to go after Shrek, making a plan to do so and gathering all their torches and pitchforks while Shrek was eating slug eyes for dinner, spoon and all. As the villagers rushed out into the field for the swamp, at the tower, Fiona put the finishing touches on the painting and hung it up on a wall. She admired the painting, which depicted both Fiona and Dragon leaving the tower together with the former riding on Dragon before turning to see the sun finally setting.
Somebody once asked
"Could I spare some change for gas?
I need to get myself away from this place"
I said, "Yep, what a concept
I could use a little fuel myself"
And we could all use a little change
As the sun set, she looked into the mirror as her body began to grow in weight and height, growing pudgier and growing to be a foot under an average ogre. Next, her skin turned sickly green. Finally, her nose expanded and widened as her ears shot out into stocks, earning her sad sigh. Though, fortunately, her mirror didn't break. Sad as she is, though, she doesn't seem like the sort to give up easily as she looked out the window in the highest room in the tallest tower as dusk turned to night.
"One day... One day, we'll both get out of this place."
Meanwhile, in the house, Shrek lit a match and burped in front of it, making fire spray out and spread all over the logs, lighting up a fire for the fireplace. At the same time Shrek ate a slug while sitting in his chair, just outside, the villagers lit up their torches and entered the swamp, trampling over Shrek's warning signs. Hearing the commotion, Shrek investigated and saw the villagers outside the window, rolling his eyes as if it wasn't the first time. The villagers slowed down to a stop outside Shrek's home, unaware that Shrek is playfully sneaking up behind them with a skip and a jump.
Well, the years start coming
And they don't stop coming
Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running
Didn't make sense not to live for fun
Your brain gets smart, but your head gets dumb
So much to do, so much to see
So what's wrong with taking the back streets?
You'll never know if you don't go (go!)
You'll never shine if you don't glow
and enter the swamp, trampling over Shrek's warning signs. Shrek sees them after investigating the commotion, rolling his eyes.
Hey now, you're an all star
Get your game on, go play
Hey now, you're a rock star
Get the show on, get paid
And all that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold
And all that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold
End Smash Mouth Music: "All-Star"
"Think it's in there?", the first villager asked.
"All right. Let's get it!", the 2nd urged giddily.
But the 1st and 3rd villagers stopped him.
"Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?", the 1st villager asked.
"Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread.", the 3rd warned.
Shrek chuckled, revealing himself to be standing right behind the mob.
"Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant.", Shrek corrected.
The mob gasped and backed away as Shrek explained further, slowly approaching the villagers.
"Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin...", Shrek began.
"No!"
"They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast.", Shrek added.
The villager angrily waved his torch in Shrek's face.
"Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!"
But Shrek casually licked his fingers and pinched the flame, extinguishing the torch. The villager dropped it, becoming increasingly nervous.
"Right."
A moment afterward, Shrek terrifies the mob with a great frightening roar, which nearly blew everyone away, even extinguishing all the remaining torches. His spit lingering from the roar, he wiped his mouth and waited for the villagers to stop screaming. After a moment, Shrek leaned over to the villagers and whispered.
"This is the part where you run away."
The villagers gasped before they dropped their torches and pitchforks and ran away as fast as they can as Shrek laughed.
"And stay out!"
Very soon, he looked down and picked up a wanted poster dropped by one of the villagers before reading it aloud.
"'Wanted. Fairytale creatures'."
But Shrek wasn't interested, so he sighed and walked off, dropping the poster to the ground.
"Shrek didn't exactly know yet, but everything would change the next day when he met a special little somebody.", Fiona narrated.
A/N: Pretty great, right? Oh, and a 3rd chapter for "American Dragons Jake Long & Rose Anderson" should be on the way as well. After that, I'll do my level best to see this whole story, composed of 14 chapters, of course, written and published before the end of this month.
