Sanji had just finished recounting the cargo. A slight unease washed over him as the numbers confirmed what he was dreading: they were dangerously low on fruits and vegetables.

Fortunately, their dear Nami-san had informed them earlier this morning of their upcoming stop in Ritu. She had seemed tense this morning. Perhaps she had noticed Sanji's efforts to stretch the soup, or maybe she had seen him pick at her tangerine trees a little more than usual.

Sanji had heard of Ritu before. It was an island renowned for its sun-kissed fruits and its tender-skinned vegetables. Last night he couldn't help but mention it at the table, so much so that even Luffy had wanted to taste them.

Thankfully, the island was not so far off anymore. Its oblong shape was already undulating on the horizon when Sanji went down to do his counts. They were certain to see its shores now. Curious, Sanji stepped out of the storage room and onto the deck, tapping a cigarette against his pack.

It was a beautiful sunny day, but the blue sky wasn't the first thing Sanji noticed. There was a massive galleon approaching. His companions were gathered on the deck, watching this odd ship catching up on them. The Going Merry paled in size.

The lovely Nami-san and Robin-chan were there, but their conversation was drowned out by Luffy yelling. Their captain was seemingly eager to propel himself onto the unknown ship but held back by Usopp and Chopper -although one could say that if Luffy really wanted something, nothing could hold him back-.

Zoro was sleeping away the problem, apparently unfazed by the potential danger. As a gentleman, Sanji stopped beside the ladies, ready to protect them if the other vessel started firing.

"Good day, Cook-san," Robin greeted him. "As you can see, we may all soon be reduced to smithereens by this massive merchant ship."

Little smoke hearts puffed out of his cigarette. "Ah, my lovely Robin, how thoughtful you are! Do not worry, dearest. If they dare try to harm you, I shall be your valiant knight, ready to protect you!"

"Sanjiiiii! Please, don't make it worse!" Usopp was struggling with a Luffy spilling from his arms. Luffy's escapes stopped trying to be effective once the other ship drew closer. Usopp let himself sink onto the deck, still desperately clutching onto the back of Luffy's jacket. Chopper followed suit, exhausted as well.

"We won't need protection because we're not going to be reduced to smithereens! It's just a merchant ship, a merchant ship!" Usopp chanted, as if trying to convince himself. "Merchant ships are nice. They don't attack pirates. It would go against nature!"

"Yeah! Against nature!" Chopper added, his tongue dangling.

Silhouettes were emerging on top of the galleon, and the Straw Hat pirates were surprised to see marines eyeing them disdainfully. One of them, more decorated than the others, leaned his head over and looked down at them. He had the usual white uniform, a long cape and a large crossbow. His head was adorned with a wide-brimmed fedora and it was really -and I mean really- the most out of place piece of clothing the man could have chosen to complete his attire. The fedora was as hideous as it was misplaced. There was something about the marine's face, or the spotted pattern on the hat that made it clash against the rest of the outfit. It looked like the captain had grabbed the most impressive clothes from his wardrobe just to impress them.

There was also something about him that didn't inspire confidence, even for a Marine. He reminded Sanji of a wolf in sheep's clothing.

Unfortunately, the technique worked on Luffy, who stopped squirming and crossed his arms. Sanji knew that look well, it was a sign that he was taking the situation seriously.

"Hey, you there!" Fedora called out. "Who are you?"

"My name is Monkey D. Luffy!" their captain proudly replied. "And I'm gonna be King of the Pirates !"

Usopp's head bonked heavily on the ground. Nami sighed and hid her face behind her hand. Sanji shared their disappointment. There was no way the Marines would let them through now.

Fedora jumped from his railing and landed on their deck, startling the sniper.

"Pirates, huh? And what are you here for?"

"To find treasures and eat meat!"

The answer seemed to unsettle Fedora. "Nothing else? Are you sure? Your ship… It's not what we usually get from pirates."

He began to pace back and forth, banking everything on intimidation, unaware that it was pointless. Scowling at Luffy was like scowling at the void. Their captain never seemed to realise the strategy behind it. Any attempt at dissuasion was doomed to fail.

His behaviour grated on Sanji's nerves. If it were up to him, the guy would already have a broken nose and a huge tuxedo shoe print on his face. But they desperately needed fresh supplies. Canned goods and fish couldn't sustain them indefinitely. From the corner of his eye, he saw Chopper wrinkle his nose as Fedora passed by him. Usopp scooped him up, clutching the little doctor like a comfort plushie.

"Is that all?" Their unpleasant visitor asked again.

"Oh! We're also going to explore!"

"No trading or sales?" The other persisted.

Luffy tilted his head to the side. "…No, nothing else? Are you deaf, Mister Ugly Hat?"

"We're not a trading ship, we have nothing with us," Nami stepped in, seeing that the conversation was going in circles. "We just came to buy."

Sanji knew a cue when it was directed at him. He piped into the conversation, "If we continue like this, we'll run out of fruits and vegetables. Having a diversified diet is crucial when sailing on the open sea for extended periods. Let us through."

He framed this last sentence like an order, while avoiding mentioning that they were already short of several ingredients. Appearing too desperate never worked. Fedora's scrutinizing gaze fell on him. Sanji suddenly had a strong urge to kick him.

"My apologies. This island is under strict regulation," the other admitted. "We must ensure that no prohibited products cross the border. If you don't intend to sell fruits and vegetables, then we have no further objection."

Chopper perked up at this. He moved out from behind Luffy's legs. "What? You regulate imports? Why, is there some kind of disease on this island?"

Fedora's sharp eyes homed in on him, and if Chopper didn't go back into hiding, it was only because he had forgotten to be scared. "Are you a doctor?"

Chopper took a breath…

"Don't be ridiculous. He's a raccoon," lied Sanji, in a tone implying that it was stupid to think that an animal could be a doctor.

Lying not being one of their cook's virtues, the smarter members of the crew immediately understood what was going on. Before Chopper could get angry, Usopp's hand clamped over his little snout.

There was a pause. Up on the galleon, the Marines had gone from disinterested to ready to fight. Sanji sensed Zoro had awakened. He hadn't moved a muscle, but he was following the interaction closely. One half-opened eye was fixed on Fedora's back-and-forth movements. If there was any danger, he would be on his feet in a second. The atmosphere was so tense that even Chopper started to suspect something. Finally, breaking the silence, it was Robin who put an end to the hostilities.

"It is very noble of you to protect this island from a tragic vegetable sale. But I'm afraid we didn't catch your name. You are…?"

"Hummm… Irrelevant." Fedora backed up, finally understanding that he wouldn't get much more from this crew. "Don't cause any trouble and we won't have to eject you from the island."

He signalled his crew and went back up on his own, skillfully leaping from the railing to the ropes of the Going Merry. Without a word of farewell, the enemy ship resumed its course, ignoring the small vessel as if it hadn't seen it.

The crew regained their composure. The tension radiating from Zoro slowly faded away.

"Irrelevant's a weird name," Luffy said.

"That's not really his name…" teased Usopp. "Actually, he didn't tell us."

The sniper had remained suspiciously silent during the conversation. He had sat down at some point, hiding behind Luffy. Now that the danger had passed, he was acting laid back. He had stopped holding Chopper as soon as the captain had retreated. Chopper immediately jumped from his arms and started hitting Sanji's legs, shouting "I'm not a racoon, I'm a dear!"

"I think he didn't hear me," continued Luffy. "He didn't get it when I told him we wanted to explore."

Chopper chimed in, "And he smelled bad!"

Nami sighed, then changed the conversation altogether. She began giving orders to dock the ship, and everyone got to work. The rest of the journey was filled with Sanji's love-struck outbursts, the swordsman's grumbles, and Luffy's laughter.

.

When the cook set foot on the island, he immediately sensed that something was amiss. It was impossible to pinpoint exactly what, but his chef's instinct was tingling. This whole "strict trade regulation" thing sounded like a cover story. Their encounter with Fedora had led him to believe there would be an embargo on fruits and vegetables, but now that he was at the market, he saw no shortage at the merchants' stalls. The locals were pale, yes, but they didn't seem oppressed or threatened. A few conversations with the ladies had confirmed it.

He had no choice but to ignore his bad feeling for now, for lack of any clues. Stocking up on food was his number one priority anyway. He bought a little bit of everything, but in small quantities. The products were perfect in appearance, but decided to follow his instinct, and test out his purchases before filling Merry's pantry.

When he entered the kitchen, shopping bags in hand, he caught Usopp and Chopper playing cards.

"Welcome back, Sanji. How was the market?" greeted Usopp.

"Hi Sanji!" Chopper grinned widely, but wrinkled his nose upon seeing him. "You smell weird."

"Excuse me?" Sanji took great offence at this. He always took great care of his hygiene, and he had never been told he smelled bad.

"No, it's not you," Chopper explained. "You don't smell bad, but you smell weird. Kind of like the marine guy who came aboard the Merry earlier."

"Who, Fedora?" Sanji asked.

"So you noticed too…" Usopp mumbled, apparently having taken great offence in the wide-brimmed hat himself.

"Of course I noticed! That's a crime against fashion if I ever saw one !"

The little doctor abandoned his cards on the table and hopped off his makeshift stool - they hadn't found one tall enough yet, so Chopper made do with a stack of unstable cushions. Sanji refrained from making any comments as Chopper began sniffing him intently. He didn't have to endure it for long. Chopper's nose found its target in Sanji's shopping bag.

"The smell comes from there."

It was no longer just a remark, it was a full-blown investigation now. Sanji got into the spirit of it and placed the groceries one by one on the table, which Usopp had hurried to clear. He too had abandoned his cards to focus on this new intrigue. Deep down, Sanji knew where the smell was coming from, but he didn't want to spoil Chopper from the surprise. Finally, Sanji placed the carrots and onions he had bought on the table, and Chopper perked up:

"There! That's it!" he exclaimed. "It's coming from the carrots! No, wait… sniff sniff. It's coming from all the vegetables! And the fruits too!"

Usopp and Sanji exchanged a meaningful glance, both equally intrigued, as Chopper marvelled at the bright red tomato that the cook had gotten at half price. Usopp picked up a carrot. He turned it over in his hand, but there was nothing wrong with it. It was perfect. Sanji knew how to pick his ingredients.

"Can you describe the smell?" asked the sniper.

"It's like… um… How to put it. It doesn't smell bad, but it smells like… sniff sniff. Like old newspapers. Like the fruits Dr. Kureha threw away."

Sanji grimaced at the thought of throwing away food, but he wasn't going to berate Chopper for something he wasn't guilty of. Usopp wasn't thinking so highly about him, and he was eyeing Sanji as if he was about to explode. He went to say something, but Sanji silenced him with a glare. The sniper knew what was good for him, and shut up instantly.

Out of curiosity, Sanji sniffed the ingredients too, but nothing distinguished them from the others, except for a very vague smell of dust and moisture. He would have to rely on Chopper's approximate description. The encounter with the so-called "Marines" had already been suspicious, but now Sanji was certain that there was a conspiration. He grabbed a pear, took out a knife, and…

"STOP!" Usopp interrupted him. "What are you planning to do there?"

"… Cut this pear to taste it?"

"Are you insane ? What if it's poisoned? What if it's a Devil Fruit? What if you fall asleep and never wake up again? I won't be your prince charming, don't count on me to kiss you awake!"

"I don't want you to kiss me, you idiot! If I fall asleep, it's Nami-san and Robin-chwan who will wake me up!" He forced himself to calm down. "Anyway, it's a job only I can do. We'll never know what's going on on this island until we've tasted these fruits. Unless you'd like to volunteer?"

As expected, Usopp stepped back, shaking his head frantically. Sanji returned to his pear. Under the wide-eyed gaze of the other two, he peeled it and took a delicate bite. He tasted it just like Zeff had taught him to. He took note of its texture, its elasticity, its freshness and, expertly, decided that it was utterly dreadful. There was a huge discrepancy between its taste and its appearance. This fruit was old. So old that it no longer had that characteristic crunch of a good fruit. Instead, it was bending softly under his tooth.

Sanji hadn't expected this. Ritu's reputation preceded itself. Whenever Ritu's products were sold on other islands, they never failed to satisfy. So why were the fruits exported from the island so delicious, if the ones sold on the island were so stale?

Sanji grimaced, and that was the only reason Usopp needed to start panicking.

" I knew it, it's poisoned! Spit it out, Sanji!"

It had been a long time since he had tasted such a bland fruit. It brought back unpleasant memories, and he hurried to swallow.

"Calm down, idiot. It's not poisoned, it's just really bad."

The pear was visually perfect. All green and fresh, exactly what you would expect from a ripe fruit. So why on earth did the taste contrast so much? Sanji sliced the whole fruit. He had a theory to test. I could always turn it into a compote or a smoothie later.

"What are you going to do with that?" Usopp asked.

"I want to see how this pear will react if it is left out in the open. Pears turn yellow in a few minutes and they rot in a few hours. Maybe this one…"

"SANJIII!"

Sanji was interrupted by a loud cry and the door bursting open. The sun in his straw hat had entered, dazzling them with his smile.

"Sanji! Are you cooking something? I'm hungry, I want to taste!"

Luffy barged inside the room, catching everyone off guard. Sanji's reflexes kicked in automatically. Luffy lunged at him, reaching for the plate he was holding.

"Hold on a second, shitty rubber! Don't eat that, I'll fix you something!"

"But you've already made something! And I'm hungry now!"

"That's not for you!"

Sanji deflected an arm that was dangerously close to a piece of pear. The fruit slid off the plate but was snatched back in midair by Sanji's dexterity. Luffy's leg wrapped around Sanji's to make him fall. The cook managed to free one leg at the last second to maintain his balance. Being a chef was no easy task when you had a hungry octopus for a captain.

"It's not fair! Food's always for Nami and Robin first! I'm the captain, I should eat before the crew!"

"No, stop! It's not ready!" Another arm brushed against the plate, making it wobble. "Enough! If you keep this up, I'll never cook for you again!"

"Shishishi, Sanji's funny."

Luffy swung his arm, but stopped mid-action, giving Sanji plenty of time to free himself.

"What's going on? Does the fruit have superpowers?" Luffy asked.

All attention shifted back to the pear. To everyone's surprise, they saw that the fruit had already turned halfway black. In short, it had begun to rot.