Chapter 21: The Conversation
The couple held each other until the sun came up. Esmeralda had lain down next to her husband and allowed their conversation to end for the sake of calming him. He'd already said more than she'd thought he'd ever be willing to say. She didn't need to hear anything else yet.
Frollo was thankful for that. He was still in shock over what he'd said. He'd intended to forever hide the fact that his father had gruesomely burned him. He marveled at Esmeralda's ability to get that information out of him and, more importantly, to make him feel like sharing it wasn't the worst thing in the world.
He felt something odd for the woman in his arms. When he ran his fingers through her hair, he didn't think of how annoyingly beautiful she was. Frollo couldn't find it in him to see her as an attractive pest. Instead he saw... everything else.
A remarkable woman, Esmeralda was. So clever, kind, brave... Frollo felt that she'd changed him in some way, and likely in a good way, at that. It was shocking. When he'd chased her, Frollo had never imagined the manner of character that existed behind those enchanting green eyes. He was amazed by it now, even if a bit frightened.
The sun beckoned the judge out of bed. He obeyed, slipping away from his wife. He put his robe on painfully, yearning for the day when these injuries would no longer hurt.
"How are you doing?" Esmeralda asked, now getting out of bed too.
"Fine." Frollo replied weakly.
He could think of little else to say after the conversation they'd had earlier. Although it had been a relief to say what he'd said, Frollo couldn't help feeling uncomfortable with it. And although Esmeralda had made the disclosure easier than it normally would have been for him, the reality of her knowing such an intimate secret was starting to sink in. It was embarrassing.
He would try not to think about it today. Instead he thought about the fact that the nightmares hadn't ended, which meant that he still couldn't break his fast.
Frollo tried to act like he wasn't starving that day. He held himself together while teaching the daily reading lesson to Quasimodo and Esmeralda. But he excused himself to the balcony when the two of them sat down to lunch.
"Aren't you going to join us, Master?" Quasimodo asked.
"I already ate." Frollo lied as he walked away.
Quasimodo looked at Esmeralda, as if to ask if this was true. She shook her head.
"He didn't eat yesterday either." She said with concern.
"That's not like him at all." Quasimodo observed. "And he seems pretty... sullen."
"Definitely." Esmeralda agreed.
Esmeralda held her husband's hand while the doctor removed his stitches. It was a slightly painful process, but Frollo didn't complain. He had no complaints left in him after the far worse things that had recently happened to him. Afterwards, the doctor rebandaged him and instructed that he keep the wounds dressed for another day.
After the doctor left, Esmeralda decided it was time to start a certain conversation.
"You're not eating." She brought up.
"So?" Frollo asked unpleasantly.
"You need to eat." Esmeralda asserted.
Frollo rolled his eyes.
"Yes, thank you for reminding me of this fact. I must have completely forgotten that people can't live without eating!"
Esmeralda frowned.
"Being sarcastic won't ease my worries." She said sharply. "There are leftovers from lunch."
She took a piece of cheese that was wrapped in a napkin and unwrapped it.
"Have some." She offered.
Frollo's eyes widened. This uncannily reminded him of the time when that gypsy girl had given him cheese years ago, before she became his downfall...
He frantically pushed Esmeralda's hand away, slightly jumping away from her.
"NO!" He snapped.
Esmeralda's mouth dropped open. She'd been surprised by her husband many times now, but seeing him apparently frightened by cheese was a new level of surprise.
"What's wrong?" She asked.
"...I don't like cheese!" Frollo claimed.
"I've seen you eat cheese before!" Esmeralda reminded.
"Well, I hate it now!"
Clearly, there was more to learn. Esmeralda took a deep breath to relax herself.
"Alright." She said acceptingly. "I'll remember not to bring any cheese near you. But you still need to eat."
Frollo didn't look at her.
"Or..." Esmeralda continued. "We could talk more about what you said last night."
The judge had been waiting for this to come up. He still wasn't sure how to proceed. Part of him did want to talk about it. but the other part craved to keep some semblance of secrecy about the matter.
"Eat something, or talk to me." Esmeralda begged. "One or the other."
Frollo was determined not to eat until his nightmares stopped, but Esmeralda's suggestion of talking about his past was more tempting than he wanted it to be. And it wasn't as if he had much to hide. He'd already told her the worst. Why should he care if she knew any more? He sighed.
"We will talk." He decided. "But I don't know where to begin..."
Esmeralda decided to offer a prompt, though it was hard to ask.
"...Why did your father hurt you?"
Frollo's expression turned sorrowful.
"It was..." He struggled. "...a regular thing he did."
Esmeralda listened sympathetically, already horrified by what her husband must have endured.
"My parents were determined to allow no immorality. They punished me harshly so I would learn to obey."
Frollo hated to let these words out, to admit that he had ever been anything but morally perfect. He told himself it didn't matter. Esmeralda already thought he was evil.
"I don't think they wanted a child." He speculated. "They never seemed to like me in the least. But they still tried so hard to teach me. To raise a great man..."
Esmeralda thought about everything her husband said. She'd always known Frollo to have no respect for anyone, and yet he talked respectfully about the parents who had clearly abused him...
"There was a girl." Frollo continued. "A gypsy girl..."
A scowl formed on his face.
"I met her in the street one night, when I hadn't been allowed to eat. She gave me a piece of cheese..."
Esmeralda saw that there was a story behind Frollo's reaction to the cheese. What had this girl done to him?
"We met like that many times. And then once... She said she loved me. And we kissed..."
The scowl went away, replaced by an expression of fear.
"My parents saw it... She ran... And my father came at me with a torch..."
He closed his eyes.
"...And that was how it happened."
"He burned you for kissing that girl?" Esmeralda asked in horror and disbelief.
Frollo nodded.
"I saw her watching briefly in the distance. Then she vanished. I never saw her again."
He opened his eyes. The sight of Esmeralda was a wonder. Frollo could hardly believe that he'd allowed himself to be with a woman after that experience. Let alone a gypsy. For a moment he resented his wife, but quickly realized it wasn't her he was angry with. It was the girl he'd known all those years ago, who had lied about loving him. He hated her, but Esmeralda was not like her. She'd proven that by now.
Esmeralda took her husband's hand, looking into his eyes sorrowfully.
"I'm so sorry that happened to you..." She told him.
Sorry? That word was unexpected, even coming from Esmeralda. Frollo saw nothing to be sorry for. He was the one who had sinned. He pulled his hand away from her.
"Don't be sorry." He responded. "I deserved it."
"Deserved it?!" Esmeralda asked in disbelief. "No... That wasn't your fault! Your parents were horrible to you!"
"Excuse me?!" Frollo thundered. "My parents were righteous people! Everything they did was to teach me to be righteous!"
"They hurt you!" Esmeralda cried.
"I transgressed and I was punished!" Frollo insisted. "End of story!"
"No!" Esmeralda nearly shouted. "It was cruel, and-"
"ENOUGH!" Frollo snapped. "I will hear none of this slander against my parents!"
"But... They should have loved you!"
"It isn't their fault that they didn't!"
"Why not?!"
"Because NO ONE has ever loved me! I refuse to blame them for not being able to do something that no one has ever been able to do!"
Esmeralda was stunned. Did Frollo really think this? Did this harsh, stubborn, self-righteous man really believe that he was unlovable and that his trauma was his fault? It made no sense, just like his comment on... the nightmares!
Esmeralda remembered how Quasimodo had called Frollo devout, and how Frollo had implied that his nightmares were an act of God.
"You think you were justly punished..." She commented. "Is that what you think about the nightmares?"
Frollo was speechless. Esmeralda continued.
"Is that why you're not eating? Are you punishing yourself so God will stop punishing you?"
Frollo sighed angrily. Somehow, Esmeralda had a way of making him reveal things he didn't want to reveal, and it drove him insane.
"You wouldn't understand." He dismissed. "You're a heathen."
Esmeralda realized that she had no power over this. But she had to do something to help her husband, before he lost his sanity entirely.
