Chapter 26: The Apology
Claude opened his eyes to see Esmeralda pressed against him, sleeping. The two of them had drifted off, though clearly not for long, since some light still remained in the sky outside. Claude eyed his wife sorrowfully.
He caressed her face, something he'd never done before. It was a wonder that he touched her so delicately. For most of his life, Claude had seldom touched anyone in a way that wasn't violent or manipulative. For so long, he had forgotten what affectionate touch felt like. So few people had ever offered it to him before Esmeralda, who had made him feel cared for after many cold and lonely years. That feeling was extraordinary.
He felt an urge to kiss her, but not like his previous urges. He'd felt this just earlier, before he'd gone away to think. It wasn't a sexual desire. Claude just wanted to return the affection she'd given him, to put his appreciation into something physical.
It was a desire he didn't fully understand, but that didn't stop him from giving in to it. He kissed Esmeralda's temple while he stroked her cheek.
At that exact moment, the evening bells of the cathedral rang.
Esmeralda's eyes opened just as soon as her husband pulled away from her. She looked at him. He looked at her. They were both at a loss for words, in disbelief at what was happening.
Esmeralda touched the spot on her head where she'd felt a kiss.
"...Was that a kiss?" She asked.
Claude hesitated to answer. This was an awkward moment, but a necessary one.
"Yes." He admitted.
Esmeralda was still dumbfounded at the idea of her husband showing affection. It was obvious in her expression.
Claude sighed. He had many things to say. Things which could wait no longer.
"Esmeralda..." He started. "...I do not deserve to call you my wife."
Claude paused to see Esmeralda's reaction. She was looking at him with quiet disbelief. A few faint emotions showed in her eyes, held together by plain shock.
"You are not what I thought." Claude continued. "You are strong and intelligent, and so amazingly kind..."
He stroked her cheek again, looking into her eyes sorrowfully.
"And I can't say how sorry I am... to have done such awful things to such a lovely person."
Esmeralda didn't know what to think. She wasn't able to think at all. This seemed like a dream. The idea of Claude Frollo apologizing for his misdeeds was too unrealistic to be true. But it was true. It was happening right in front of her.
"Please..." Claude begged. "Tell me how I can make it up to you. I will do anything."
Esmeralda hesitated. She still struggled to process what she was hearing. But after a moment of silence, her confused expression changed into an upset one. Suddenly, she climbed off the bed and strode away, leaving the room and shutting the door.
Claude was taken aback. He hadn't been sure what to expect when he'd apologized, but he'd assumed that Esmeralda would have something to say to him. He wondered what could be happening in her mind that was bad enough to make her speechless. What had he done?
He tried to wait, hoping that Esmeralda would return and talk to him if given some time. But each passing minute felt longer than the last.
Claude started to worry. He stood, about to go looking for his wife. He then remembered his upper body was bare and picked up the tunic he'd taken off earlier. But before he put it on, he noticed something.
There were stitches in the garment that he didn't recognize, carefully placed and easy to miss. This was the tunic he had worn under his robe on the fateful night when he'd been injured. Claude remembered each slice his body had taken that night and how the Captain had needed to cut his clothes to get to his injuries. This tunic would have been in shreds, covered in blood. But there were no red bloodstains, only clean blue fabric. And the tears that would have covered it were repaired, a job done so well that Claude could hardly see that damage had been done. This was Esmeralda's work. She had quickly washed the blood out of the garment and skillfully stitched it...
Claude put it on sadly, regretting that he didn't appreciate his wife sooner. He had to find her, which wouldn't be hard. There was only one place to go at this hour if one wanted to be warm.
He entered the hall of the fireplace to find a wholly unexpected sight. Esmeralda sat in front of the fire, crying loudly. Claude practically ran to her and knelt by her side.
"What do you want?!" Esmeralda asked aggressively.
"To fix things with you." Claude replied.
"Fix things?! And just how do you expect to do that?!"
"However you want me to... You can shout at me, hit me, run from me and never look back... I'd let you kill me if that was what it took to make it up to you!"
Esmeralda shook her head furiously.
"I don't want to kill you!" She cried. "I want... him..."
"Who?" Claude asked.
"Phoebus..."
Claude was surprised at the mention the officer who had disobeyed him. He'd only seen the man talk briefly to Esmeralda, but now it occurred to him that more had happened out of his sight.
"Captain Phoebus?" He asked. "Was there... Something between the two of you?"
Esmeralda tried to wipe some of her tears.
"I didn't get to know him very well." She admitted. "But we wanted to be together..."
Claude felt sick of himself. He didn't know what was worse: The realization that he'd separated Esmeralda from the man she loved, or the fact that he wouldn't have cared in the least if he'd known it at the time. He had to do something about this.
"Suppose you could." He suggested. "What if-"
"Impossible..." Esmeralda sobbed. "He wouldn't even want me now!"
"Why ever not?" Claude questioned, unable to imagine Esmeralda as undesirable.
"Isn't it obvious?!" Esmeralda scoffed. "It's because I've SLEPT with you! One day I kissed Phoebus, the next day I was in bed with you! He would be disgusted... I'm disgusted! I only forgave myself because I was sure I'd never see him again!"
Claude wanted to disagree, but he found the logic believable. Captain Phoebus hated him. The man had taken such brave actions against his madness. He could only imagine what Phoebus would think if he were to learn that the woman he'd wanted to be with had gone and made love to a tyrant...
"You could tell him I forced you." Claude suggested. "He would believe it."
"I wouldn't lie to him." Esmeralda insisted. "Why are you even bringing that up? What would you do?! Bring him back?!"
"If that was what it took to make you happy."
Esmeralda looked at her husband furiously as tears rushed down her cheeks.
"Make me happy?! You've taken away life as I know it, and now you want to make me happy?!"
"I'm sorry..." Claude apologized. "I know I've done horrible things..."
"You oppressed my people!" Esmeralda shouted.
Claude was overwhelmed with guilt.
"I'm sorry..." He repeated.
"You forced me to marry you!"
"I'm sorry..."
"And if things had gone differently, you would have raped me!"
Claude was losing his composure. A tear leaked out of his eye.
"I'm sorry I ever thought of it..." He said desperately.
"You would have KILLED me!" Esmeralda yelled.
Claude closed his eyes in guilt.
"I've done many horrible things..." He admitted.
"And don't even get me started on Quasimodo!" Esmeralda snapped. "You've been BRUTAL to him! To everyone who comes near you!"
It was true. All of it was true. Claude hated himself more with every word Esmeralda spoke.
"You can't undo the damage you've done." She continued. "I'd like to forgive you, I honestly would! But I can't! So just leave me be... While I mourn the fact that I'm not married to Phoebus instead of you!"
Esmeralda cried into her hands. Claude wished he could do something to comfort her, but she was too angry with him for that to work. He had to leave her alone.
He left the room, but waited by the door. Claude didn't plan to talk to Esmeralda any more tonight, but he still wanted to be sure that she was alright. He ended up waiting for an hour. The sound of sobbing eventually stopped. Claude finally dared to crack the door open.
He saw Esmeralda lying prone on the floor, having seemingly cried herself to sleep. Claude went to her quietly, picking her up and carrying her away.
In the bedroom he laid her down and looked at her with sorrow. She'd had compassion for him and shown concern for his wellbeing, but that didn't mean her anger toward him was gone. His offer to fix things had reminded her of something he had taken from her, something which was likely impossible to regain. Claude resented himself for it. The wrong he'd done to Esmeralda was worse than he'd known.
She'd said she wanted to forgive him, but couldn't. Claude believed it. Esmeralda had a good heart. She would forgive him if she could. But his actions were too severe to simply get over. He'd made it extremely hard for her to forgive him.
Claude leaned over her and kissed her forehead.
"I'm so very sorry..." He whispered. "For everything..."
He pulled the bedsheets over her, ensuring she would be warm tonight. Claude questioned what he should do next. He wondered if there was anything he could do to make it possible for his wife to forgive him. Perhaps he would need to speak to her again, when she was feeling a little better.
For now, Claude had another plan. There was someone else whom he owed an apology to.
He prayed that talking to Quasimodo wouldn't be a disaster.
