9

Things were progressing well and today everyone was concentrating on finishing the assault course/school yard/training area for the next generation of arseholes.

Of course, my lovely reader… this means they were all so focused on their tasks that no one was watching said arseholes. Nope. It was an arsehole free environment and by the time someone noticed the lack of arseholes… things were already flying towards the fan… if ya know what I mean.

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The three men stood looking down with distain at the children who were sitting the riverbank with their backs to them, covered in mud. Little mud buggers. Blumanchu dreads sticking up in the air as the mud dried out. These idiots were about to make the age old mistake of misidentification.

Something was about to bite them on the butt…. Er… well… in that region.

"You little shits, what the hell are you doing" one of them roared, his hands on his hips as he showed off for his two colleagues and little heads swivelled in that weird Blumanchu way like owls. Pairs of blue eyes stared at them like they were insane, then the heads swivelled in unison back to the ones still in the water with a couple of other Blumanchu as they struggled in the mud while giggling and bickering, trying to get out.

Big Dick 1 did not like being dismissed like that and he reached out to seize one of the children by the hair, lifting the little one off his feet as he yelped with shock and pain. Their Dreads are very special, and very sensitive.

The other two Dicks started to kick at the other kids on the ground until soon all of them stood with looks of matching fury, the one held by his dreads managing to twist enough to sink his teeth into the one holding him up.

As the man yelped and released the child, the others advanced a few steps, their own dread now sticking up like porcupine quills.

You see… the three idiots were not soldiers. No. they were rich fuckers who had uniforms and liked to lord it over the common people as it were. They had never seen combat, never even been badly hurt in a fight and as they stood there they missed some telling things that might have saved them a world of hurt about to descend on them.

First of all. Dreads are alive. Not hair… they're appendages. They tell a lot of things to anyone who is aware of it and the fact they were standing straight up in the air on little heads like that was threatening behaviour. An adult doing that is an adult about to gut you like a fish.

Secondly. There were more kids than they thought, some now moving to flank the fuckers like they instinctively know to instigate a bum fight.

Thirdly … those in the water were not laughing as the one they had been shoving up the embankment stood up and regarded the men with steely blue eyes that were NOT Blumanchu… like the hair that was clumps, not dreads and where the mud had not reached was clearly messy black Boeshanian… naturally almost afro in appearance when not brushed by a determined Tadda.

And last but not least… the small Not Blumanchu now dripping on the shore… was reaching into his clothing for something and he was showing not the least bit of concern for their poncing about like they owned the show.

A man with some brain cells might have paused at this pout… thought about things and remembered that the little Harkness pup was friends with the Blumanchu pups… that there was a history of the mud wars and mud men issues in the past… oh yes.

But as Gabriel calmly stepped up to the man who was hurting his friend and slammed the little Minatare Stunner his lovely Unkle Johnty had given him, it was far too late to walk back from the events about to take the three stooges by surprise.

Indeed, as the sticks and rocks rained down on them and they found themselves huddled in a lump screaming for assistance while an eerie screeching filled the air… along with projectiles, large sticks and some bare muddy feet aimed at their goolies… it was blatantly obvious that they had kicked the hornet's nest and these little fuckers had a mighty sting.

Martha and Mickey's son showed himself to have a deep booming voice of command as he rounded the corner with his own troop of crazies ordered their clothing be taken as… tribute?

And the one who had inadvertently seized the stunner to take from the little man and was now laying in it, unable to return it for the blows felt something on his butt that left no confusion at all as to the cause of the sudden strike of pain.

A Harkness-Jones bite.

..

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Warren stood looking at the bedraggled mess of men as they stood humbly holding the remains of their ripped clothing on front of their swollen goods. All three had bruises, mud and scratches on their skin, all three looked like they had wrestled with an ambush of tigers.

"So… let me get this right" the man they were reporting to said slowly, looking at Warren with equal confusion, then back to his men "You were patrolling the riverbank when you were set upon by insurgents and… beaten, stripped naked and left there in tatters. Hemsway, looks like an awful wedgie burn in your groin young man."

"It was an organized attack" Big Dick 2 whimpered as he stood slightly behind Big Dick 1.

"And there were at least twenty of them?" the general asked for clarification then noticed the Captain entering the back of the room with his little mini-me alongside him, both walking with purpose towards them. He added "And this stunner here… you managed to take this from one?"

"Yes. Contraband. Clearly, not standard issue and… SIR!" they came to attention as Jack and Gabriel came alongside, and they finally noticed the other one walking behind his mate, almost invisible at first.

Ianto swung to look at the men and then at Warren with something Warren immediately recognized amusement. Warren felt his face grimace before he could stop it and he knew now what level of fuckery these idiots were about to step into.

The men stood as still as they could, with only Big Dick 3 looking down at the child who was calmly reaching for the stunner on the desk, placing it in a little holder on his belt like it belonged there. He gave an involuntary groan of horror as he finally saw the little boy all clean and sturdy.

Gabriel grinned back at him and then pointed at Big Dick 1 "Him. He is the one who lifted Donterish by his dreads and then shook him! See? I bit his arse!"

"Oh, fuck me" Warren muttered his hand rising to cover his mouth as Ianto made a little noise of alarm as well.

Jack seemed to swell in his uniform as he regarded the fools and then snarled softly, so softly it might have been unintelligible if he had not moved so the men were inches from him "You fucking twatfaced arseholes challenged MY son?"

Gabriel nodded sagely, adding "But we won."

Two Judoon entered the room with young Master Smith-Jones running along with them and he was speaking in their general language as he pointed at the three men, one of the Judoon swinging his huge arms like he was trying to move faster and Jack stepped back as the Judoon in front swung a fist, catching Dick Head 1 about the head.

As the man flew back into the other two Jack turned to face Ianto "See? Deston DOES speak Judoon."

"Hmmm" Ianto nodded sagely as Gabriel joined the conversation, his Judoon flawless as he pointed at the three men and the Judoon picked them up to throw over their shoulders before departing with them.

"Ah… I had not dismissed them yet" the poor General said, then sighed "Well… never mind."

"Yes. Least said, soonest mended" Ianto agreed sagely "Come on boys. I can still see mud behind some ears."

"Awwwwww"

"The Hot Tub needs a clean anyway later on"

"YEAHHHHHHHHHHH"

Yes… Jack's voice booming out as he punched the air as well.

Ianto winked at Warren as they turned to leave and he was left there chuckling softly, then sighing as he went to see what he could do to salvage the men's reputations … or at least make sure they are saveable at all.