An: Surprise. I'm posting this chapter a bit early. I have an early morning appointment and I wanted to get this to you. Thank you all for the wonderful reviews and the love you're giving this story. I continue to be blown away each and every week. I know FFN is being insane, so I am grateful for everyone who has been able to read and review. I appreciate you very much.

Shout out to my amazing prereaders and beta. Without them, this would not be possible.

***Fiddling was had. All mistakes are mine.

Chapter 28

"For a while there, it was rough
But lately, I've been doin' better
Than the last four cold Decembers
I recall

And I see my family every month
I found a girl my parents love
She'll come and stay the night
And I think I might have it all

And I thank God every day
For the girl He sent my way
But I know the things He gives me
He can take away

And I hold you every night
And that's a feeling I wanna get used to
But there's no man as terrified
As the man who stand to lose you

Oh, I hope I don't lose you
Mm

Please stay
I want you , I need you, oh God
Don't take
These beautiful things that I've got

Oh-oh-oh-oh
Ooh
Please don't take."

"Beautiful Things" by Benson Boone

~oOo~

When Edward told Bella about his anxiety, she was proud of his bravery. It was hard to show one's vulnerability with other people, and that he felt comfortable enough to allow her to carry that burden with him was huge. But now that he was home after a week and a half on the road with barely any contact with her, Edward seemed to be falling back into old patterns. And that made Bella nervous, not for herself, but for him.

Edward's follow-up scans from the neurologist confirmed he didn't have a brain injury. Everyone was relieved to hear the good news. However, he still wasn't sleeping or eating well. But then he added another complication: he started drinking. Edward rarely drank during the week. He was purely a social drinker, so when Bella saw him with a couple of beers each night, alarms went off in her head. It was not an "I'm having a bad day" kind of thing. Edward was always conscientious about what he put in his body, especially during the season, and drinking regularly was completely out of character for him.

Bella was wary to call attention to it at first—she didn't want to appear to be a nag—but when he consistently had a few every night, she knew it was time to intercede. Dread consumed her, as she was afraid the conversation between them could get ugly.

The next morning, Bella stayed with the routine and made Edward one of their protein shakes. It was his day off, but she knew he would be heading into the stadium anyway. She was hopeful he had a flexible schedule since she really wanted to have a discussion with him.

Edward stumbled bleary-eyed into the kitchen just as she turned off the blender.

"Sorry. Did the blender wake you up?"

"Nope." He plunked down in his usual seat at the counter. "I needed to get up anyway."

Bella forced a cheerful greeting as she handed him his shake. "Good morning, darlin'." She kissed him on the cheek, going through the motions and attempting to keep things as normal as possible. She feared he would detect the slight tremble of her voice, but he was oblivious, as he had been since he'd returned.

"Thanks," he returned with a weak smile.

Bella busied herself in the kitchen, cleaning up. When she pulled open the trashcan to throw away the scraps, she spied three empty beer bottles.

She sighed to herself. Another night of animal crackers and beer.

Edward had already lost weight while he was home on concussion protocol. He needed to keep up his strength for the rest of the season, and if he kept up his newly developed bad habits, his health would continue to suffer. Seeing the bottles gave Bella the resolve to push forward and broach the conversation.

Bella poured her shake into a glass and sat next to Edward. She decided to open the conversation on a positive note.

"Going in to batting practice today?"

"Yeah. My batting's been off since the accident, so I want to work on a few things."

"Sounds good." Bella took a large gulp of her shake, thinking of other things to say. "Oh, hey. I almost forgot. Alice wants to have a dinner party soon. Whatcha think? Sounds like it could be a lot of fun. I could give her some dates that work for both of us. It will give y'all a nice break from the stress."

"Yeah, we'll see how it's going. Jasper mentioned it to me the other day." Edward took the last swig of his shake and set his glass on the counter.

Bella could tell Edward was already getting antsy, but she wanted to keep him talking.

"Okay, whatever you think. Let me know what you decide. I just thought that maybe—"

"I'm not saying no, Bella. Let's see how things shake out. I see the guys all the time. When we're done, I just want to come home and be with you."

"Well, I love any time with you. You know that." She reached over and squeezed his hand.

Edward looked at her hand on his and flipped his over, linking their fingers together.

"I know I've been terrible company lately. I'm sorry for that, shug." Edward felt horrible for how distant he'd been with her. He recognized the need to be better. Everything in his life felt so out of control. He still couldn't shake the agitation.

"Well, you certainly haven't been yourself. Is there something you want to talk about?"

Edward paused. He knew what was coming next, and he just didn't have the patience to handle the conversation.

"I'll be okay. Nothing a little batting practice can't fix." Edward pushed back from the counter and walked over to the sink to rinse out his glass.

"Darlin', I don't think batting practice is going to fix this."

Edward braced himself on either side of the sink, white knuckling the granite. He dropped his head, taking a deep breath before answering in an attempt to keep his cool.

"I think it's just what the doctor ordered. You know I always feel much better after a good session in the cages." Edward's voice wavered.

Bella had an opening, so she took it. "Speaking of doctors…have you made a therapy appointment yet?"

The hairs on the back of Edward's neck stood up. "No."

"Well, why don't you make a call before you go in. You're home. It's the perfect time."

"I'll call from the car."

"Can you please call now? While you're home?"

"I said I'd call."

"I know, but you said that three weeks ago, and you still haven't. Edward, you really need to call him."

"You don't trust me?" he replied between clenched teeth.

"That's not what I said. I just…baby, you need to call him. I'm worried. Nothing's changed since you came home. You're still up late, eating animal crackers, and now you're drinking beer. It's not like you. None of this is. You can't live off animal crackers, beer, and four or five hours of sleep."

"Get off me, Bella. I don't need you jumpin' my ass. I already have a mother. I don't need another."

Bella flinched, as if she'd been hit.

"I'm doing the best I can. Okay? Christ…I had a fucking concussion!" Edward yelled. "We're making a run for the division title. I have a lot of shit going on. So, I didn't call the doctor. I'll fucking do it."

Bella sat quietly in shocked disbelief as her eyes burned with tears. He'd never spoken to her that way. He'd never even raised his voice at her. She watched him walk out of the kitchen. She felt desperate to help him, even though she knew he didn't believe he needed it.

As he walked toward the mudroom, Edward stopped in his tracks and braced his arm on the wall. He stared unblinkingly as he felt the unsteady beating of his heart banging against his ribs. His face was hot, and perspiration dripped down from his hairline. Before Edward could attempt another step, he became unstable, and his legs shook uncontrollably.

Adrenaline ran through Edward's veins as the panic attack took over his body. His anxiety from the concussion, from not feeling good enough, and not being the man he needed to be for Bella fueled the attack that had been simmering beneath his skin for the last month. Countless sleepless nights and bad nutrition only exacerbated the situation. Edward should have recognized the signs, but he was too blind to see what was right in front of him.

"B-Bella…" Edward called out in a panic. He collapsed against the wall and slid down to the floor, his legs no longer able to hold him up.

"Oh my God, Edward!" Bella ran to his side and kneeled beside him.

He was hyperventilating, and the words he wanted to say got caught in his throat. With his hands in his hair, he put his head between his knees. He tried desperately to calm himself, but the demon had him in its grips, and he was unable to calm the staccato of his breaths.

Desperate to offer him some comfort, Bella wrapped her arms around Edward and pressed her head against his shoulder. His body shook violently as she ran her fingers through the hair at his nape. She acted on instinct, quietly giving him the support she thought he needed. Edward continued to shake, and his panted breaths accelerated off and on. He furiously gripped his hair, pulling hard on the ends. His hands shook so badly, Bella was afraid he would hurt himself.

Bella held him tighter. "I got you, baby. I got you."

Edward sat up, his face gleaming with tears. "D-d-don't leave me." His body shuddered as a sob rose up from his throat.

"Never. Shhh. I'm right here. I got you."

"I-I'm sorry."

"Oh, baby. Don't worry about that now. Just breathe. Breathe with me. Feel me breathing with you. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

Bella kept rubbing his back, never letting him go. She kissed his shoulder as Edward continued to shake, the sweat accumulating all over his body as the seconds turned into minutes.

When the attack finally subsided, Edward slumped against the wall. His clothes were drenched. His body was limp.

Bella was relieved when his unstable breaths and his shaking finally abated. She gently guided Edward's head to her lap and tenderly ran her fingers through his hair, whispering words of encouragement and love. The movements settled and grounded him, as it was her touch he craved so much. He lay there chastising himself about his dramatic display, but he realized he had no one to blame but himself. Yet, again, he felt like a failure.

What in the ever-loving hell just happened? Bella thought. Edward had scared her shitless. She felt ill-prepared for an event of that magnitude, yet she was able to maintain a cool and level head and help him through it. Though Bella had never witnessed a panic attack, she somehow knew that all his erratic behavior had led up to that moment, and she was angry with herself for not realizing it sooner.

Edward hadn't moved from her lap. He was curled up on the floor as Bella continued to make a path though his hair, soothing his frayed edges. Her rhythmic movements lulled him into a state of sweet oblivion as the darkness hovered over his unconscious body.

Bella woke to the sound of Edward's cell buzzing in his pants. She frantically found the phone and quietly answered it. It was Wash, checking to see what time Edward was coming in. Bella covered for Edward and told Wash that he had been ill throughout the night with food poisoning and wouldn't be making it to practice today.

Despite Bella's best efforts, with all the movement and conversation, Edward stirred. He sat up, disoriented. His wet hair was chaotic and stuck out in a hundred different directions.

"Hey," Bella whispered.

Edward's bleary eyes met her gaze. "You stayed."

"Of course I stayed. Baby, I told you, I'm not going anywhere."

"Who was on the phone?" he asked, stretching his neck.

"Wash. I told him you were sick from something you ate, and you were throwing up all night, so he shouldn't plan on you going in today."

Edward nodded. "Thank you. How long have I been out?" he wondered, his voice deep and gravelly.

Bella looked at her watch. "About two hours."

"Shit." He stood gingerly and reached out for her hand. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be." Bella took his hand and let him pull her up from the floor. "You needed it. Your body went through something terrible. I can only hope I helped you a little."

Edward's teeth clattered. "More than you know."

The air conditioning met his damp clothes, and the coldness caused Edward to shiver. Bella caught his shaking, but this time, it was not from anxiety.

"Oh, Edward. You're soaked." She rubbed his arm to give him some warmth. "Let me draw you a nice warm bath. Would that be nice?"

"I don't deserve—"

"Hush, now. Of course you deserve it." She gave him a reassuring smile.

"Shug, I—"

Bella put two fingers over his lips. "Shhh. Not now. Let me take care of you. We'll have plenty of time to talk. Let's get you cleaned up. Okay?"

Edward diverted his eyes from hers as much as he could. He was mortified by his behavior. Of course Bella would be understanding. That's who she is, he thought.

"Let's get these clothes off, shall we?" A small smile curved her lips as Edward meekly acquiesced.

Bella helped him pull his shirt over his head and then discarded it and the rest of his clothes in the laundry room. She grabbed a clean towel that was sitting folded on top of the dryer and wrapped it around his shoulders. Bella took his hand and led him to the bathroom, where she turned on the faucet and filled the tub with water and Epsom salt.

Once the bath was ready, Bella peeled off her clothes and sank into the tub. She saw the furrow of Edward's brow, trying to make sense of what she was offering.

"Come on, darlin'. I don't bite. Let me love on you." She opened her legs and held out her arms, welcoming Edward to sit between them.

Edward felt so ashamed that he was hesitant to join her, but after all that Bella had done for him already, he didn't want to hurt her feelings any further. So, he gave in and stepped into the tub. Once he situated himself between her legs, Bella eased him back to relax against her. She moved her hands across the planes of his stomach and chest, washing him with a cloth. Edward groaned, enjoying the feel of her hands on his body.

"Feel good?" Bella lapped warm water over him, brushing the washcloth over his shoulders and neck.

"Yes." Edward closed his eyes and continued to enjoy her touch.

Bella washed his hair, knowing that was his favorite thing whenever they showered together. There was something so intimate and caring about the action. He sighed in contentment as she languidly weaved her fingers into his hair, massaging his head.

After she finished, Bella rested against the back of the tub, feeling drained of all her energy since she'd woken up. Edward felt heavy against her, as if he were sleeping. She could feel the rise and fall of his chest as he lay in her arms, luxuriating in the attention she was giving him. But he still couldn't reconcile the fact that he deserved any of it.

Bella was a saint, and as he contemplated his next moves, he knew, without any doubt, he would seek the help he obviously needed. He could see it all so clearly now. His reactions to his injury and convalescence were beyond how he should have and normally would have reacted. Hopefully, after much groveling, Bella would be by his side through that too, because there was no way he could survive the journey without her. Now, he just had to earn it.

Edward sat up in the bathtub, startling Bella, as he turned around and faced her.

"You ready to get out, darlin'?" Bella asked, her voice soft and sleepy.

"Nope." Edward moved to the other side of the tub and spread his legs out. "Come here, shug. I just want to feel you in my arms."

Bella looked at him hesitantly. "Are you sure? We can get out and go lie in bed for a while. I know you have to be exhausted."

"I'm sure. And I'm never too exhausted for you. Please. I want…no I need to do this."

As much as Bella had just done for him, this act of love was small by comparison. It wasn't sexual; he wasn't even playful in his actions. Edward simply held her reverently in his arms.

A few silent tears escaped Bella's eyes as Edward held her tightly against his chest. His grip was so firm, she could feel his desperation and regret. She wiped the errant tears away before he could notice and then placed her hand over his, reassuring him with the simple gesture. Edward's entire body relaxed at her touch, once again, and the vice grip he'd had on Bella eventually loosened.

They continued to bask in the calmness and the quiet until they both felt the coolness of the bath water.

"You ready to get out?"

Bella sighed and gave him a sleepy smile over her shoulder. "Yeah. Thank you. That was perfect."

He kissed her temple. "No, thank you. I don't know where I'd be right now if it wasn't for you."

"Well, lucky for you, you'll never have to find out." Bella kissed him sweetly on the lips.

Edward huffed out a laugh. This couldn't be real. Bella was so serene and self-assured.

Was this the calm before the storm? he thought—because Emma would've had one foot out the door already if they were still together. She couldn't handle anything "messy," and Edward was, apparently, "messy."

After carefully standing and lovingly drying each other, they walked into the bedroom and put on some comfy clothes before sliding into bed. Bella sat against the headboard and combed her hair.

"Uh, Bella." Edward cleared his throat. "I'm not quite sure what's happening here, but one thing I know is that I owe you an apology."

Bella put down the comb on the nightstand and sat cross-legged in front of him. "I told you, you don't need to apologize. And what do you mean 'what's happening'? Nothing's happening."

"You're all cool, calm, and collected. I fucked up, okay? I never thought this would happen to me again. I thought I had a handle on everything. We finally get our shit together and I blow it right out of the starting gate. I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, because I know this can't be real."

"So, you fucked up. Who hasn't? And you will again. So will I. Why does that mean either of us has to run or be angry when the going gets tough?"

Edward's eyebrows shot up.

"I've been upset 'cause I was worried about you, not mad at you. And rightfully so, it seems." Bella inhaled and released a shuddering breath. "You had a panic attack, Edward. I've never been more scared for someone in my whole life."

He took a deep breath as fear crept down his spine. "I hate that you had to see that. I don't know how you can love me the way I've been with you. Any other woman would've left me after the last month, hell, the last two weeks."

"Well, then, I guess I'm not any other woman, 'cause I'm not going anywhere," she reassured him. "Did you really think that my love for you was superficial? That I loved you so little?"

Bella's pulse throbbed beneath her skin as she waited for him to respond.

"No." Edward swallowed hard and shook his head vigorously. "You can't love me, Bella. I'm not good enough for you. Look at me." His right hand began shaking and he held it up to show Bella. "I'm a fucking wreck."

"No love is perfect, baby. It doesn't mean you're any less worthy of it." Bella reached for Edward's shaky hand and held it tightly over her heart.

Seeing Edward falling apart killed Bella. She prayed the next words she uttered would bring him comfort and help him see that their love was strong.

"Do you feel my heart beating?"

"Yes," Edward rasped.

"It beats for you and only you. You're my everything, Edward. My heart, my home, my life. I've given you everything that I am, and I'll never stop doing so."

"I love you, shug. I love you so fucking much. You're my everything too." His gruff voice was thick with emotion.

She leaned in and brushed her lips over his. "I'm glad. Because you're stuck with me, Cullen."

Edward simply nodded before he pulled her into a hug. He was too choked up to respond.

"You're going to be okay, darlin'. I promise. I'm not Emma, baby. I'm not going to leave you."

Edward released a quivering breath, realizing that was exactly what he needed to hear. He turned his head and nestled his face into her neck, inhaling her floral scent. As Bella held him, she felt his tears dripping down her neck and his body trembling.

"I see you, Edward. Just like you see me. Remember?" She moved his head away from her neck and cupped his face. "You are more than I deserve. I think that every single day. And yet, somehow you manage to love me. I've given up asking myself why, and just embrace the fact that you do love me. And you know why?"

He looked into her eyes, anticipating the answer to her question.

"Because I can't help but want to be loved by you so damn much it hurts."

Edward pulled her into his arms. "I'm so sorry I failed you, shug."

"You didn't fail me, baby. Please don't ever think that." She kissed his nose, his cheeks, his lips. Bella fisted his shirt and tugged him closer, removing the space between them. "There's no me without you. Ever."

An: How are we doing? That was a lot! Our poor Darling had quite the moment. His concussion definitely exacerbated the symptoms of his anxiety. The mood swings and biting behavior is definitely not who he is. We all know that. Bella was a saint, but her love is real. His behavior and Bella's, as always, comes from multiple close friends of mine who have been dealing with either their own anxiety, or that of their own child.

Please let me know what you think. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

The next chapter will give you ALL the answers and yes, Edward does go and see the doctor. We will get our Darling back. It hurt to write this part of him. Please know I didn't take it lightly.

I have a FB group called DrivingEdward Fanfiction. If you want pic teasers, updates, and all things Darlin' and Shug, please come find us.

See you in two weeks.

~Be Happy

~Be Kind

~Be Blessed

~DrivingEdward