An: Hey from Atlanta, Georgia. Our new granddaughter, Magnolia Lorraine, arrived on Friday, so I am at my daughter's being a helpful Honey. I'm posting a bit early because if I don't, the posting could be delayed, and I know y'all don't want that.

This chapter is the other half of ch. 28 that I split. I just wanted you to know why it isn't as long as they usually are. But it's all important.

I know y'all are anxious for this chapter. I'll see you below.

Thank you to my amazing prereaders. Without them, this would not be possible.

***Fiddling was had. All mistakes mine

Chapter 29

"Lovin' can heal
Lovin' can mend your soul
And it's the only thing that I know, know
I swear it will get easier
Remember that with every piece of ya
Hmm, and it's the only thing we take with us when we die

Hmm, we keep this love in this photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts were never broken
And time's forever frozen, still

So you can keep me
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans
Holding me closer 'til our eyes meet
You won't ever be alone
And if you hurt me
That's okay, baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages, you just hold me
And I won't ever let you go
Wait for me to come home

Wait for me to come home
Wait for me to come home
Wait for me to come home."

"Photograph" by Ed Sheeran

~oOo~

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Edward's finger tapped the arm of the chair as the doctor wrote something down on his pad.

"Your scans look clean. No sign of brain injury."

Edward blew out a gust of air. "Yeah, I got lucky."

"How's the adjustment in the meds going?"

"I feel good. Real good, actually."

"Good. That's what we want. And you'll feel this good for a while, until the Celexa evens out in your system. We'll need to meet more often now that you've had this second episode. We need to keep a better eye on how your meds are working." Dr. Berry scribbled a few more notes down. "Your last medication change was right after your first year in Colorado, correct?"

"Yes, that seems about right."

"Well, you're a grown man now, and hormones change a lot of the chemistry in the body. I have to say, you did remarkably well for lasting this long without an adjustment."

"I guess so." He shrugged.

"Now, you were off your Xanax when you had your concussion, correct?"

"Yes." Edward nodded.

"Did you feel the need to use it during that time?"

Edward picked at the nubby fabric on the arm of the chair as he thought about his answer. "I did. But I resisted."

"How did that affect you?"

Edward felt extremely vulnerable, but he realized he needed to be honest with the doctor. "I couldn't sleep, and I wasn't eating much. I literally wanted to jump out of my skin. I was also very anxious and grumpy, but I thought it was normal, given what had just happened."

"Some of that is normal, given your injury. A concussion can cause anxiety, and that anxiety can definitely prolong your concussion symptoms, which sounds like it was the case for you. How long were you irritable and unable to sleep or eat?" Dr. Berry asked.

"The whole time." Edward looked at him with remorse. "I didn't recognize it. I was awful to my girlfriend."

"Unfortunately, what you were going through was normal for the circumstances. You know that, right?"

"I do. It doesn't make me feel any better, though." Edward wrung his hands together.

"And have the two of you worked through that?"

"Definitely. Bella is extremely supportive. She's the one who encouraged me to get to the doctor. She knew I wasn't acting right."

"Good. We'll talk more about that this weekend. Just know, you wouldn't be the person you are if you didn't feel bad about your behavior. However, consider giving yourself some grace."

"Yeah. That's what she said. I'm trying."

"Okay." Dr. Berry handed Edward a sheet of paper. "Let's talk a bit about your anxiety. How it manifests. Can you identify which of these symptoms affected you?"

Edward read each item on the sheet. His eyes landed on a few of the tells he'd been dealing with recently.

"Yes."

"Which ones?"

"Shaking, sweating, and stuttering," he replied reluctantly. He was still so frustrated for not picking up on the shaking symptom, or any of the others, actually.

"What shook?"

"My hands."

"Anything else?"

"No, not really. My heart would flutter occasionally. Does that count?"

"Yes." Dr. Berry gave him a sympathetic smile. "How intense was the sweating and stuttering?"

Edward thought back to all the times he recognized that particular symptom. "They only happened when things were really tense, or I was super nervous. I would sometimes stumble over my words, for example. I just thought my mind was racing too fast for my mouth to catch up. The shaking is the most prevalent symptom."

"When did the shaking come on?"

"About a year ago. When I arrived back in Atlanta. It started out with just little shakes every once in a while. Then, over time, it gradually built to occur almost daily."

"What triggered it?" Dr. Berry asked. He rested the end of his pen on the edge of his mouth, waiting for a response.

Edward blew out a big breath as he closed his eyes and thought of all the different scenarios. "You know, at first, it really didn't feel like anything. It just started happening. Which is why I never thought it had anything to do with my anxiety. But as I look back, I can see a string of situations and pressures that could have caused it."

The doctor nodded as he made a few more notes.

"Have you always been anxious? How did this journey begin for you?"

Over the next thirty minutes, Edward delved into his history, his family, and his relationships. Once Dr. Berry had some background on his new patient, he implemented the second step of his therapy.

Edward felt a great sense of relief as he shared his story. After a lot of research by Edward, Bella, and his parents, Dr. Berry seemed to be the answer. He was a renowned doctor who specialized in athletes as well as high octane executives whose stressful jobs and lifestyles were running their lives and ruining their quality of life. The doctor was as good as Edward had been assured that he was. He couldn't believe his luck that his practice was in Atlanta.

Dr. Berry was easy to talk to, yet inquisitive. He asked probing questions, but Edward never felt judged. Edward knew the intensive therapy program was not for the lighthearted, but he was not going to be deterred. He was ready.

"Okay, now that I have a decent overview, let me tell you how this is going to go down. First, I want you to call me Jason. We're going to get very personal over the next few days, so I want you to feel very comfortable with me. I know you're itching to get back on the field, but the next few days are going to be intense, so put that out of your mind for now. That will give us the time to help us crack the codes that are causing your anxiety, and give you tools to work through it. Sound good?"

"It does."

"Great." Jason smiled as he stood and gave Edward a clap on the shoulder. "We have three days to tackle this, and we're leaving no stone unturned. If you need more time, we can address it later, but I believe, from what we have already discussed, we can get the ball rolling and put you on the road to wellness. Just remember, this is the beginning of our journey together, and I'll help you see it through for as long as you feel you need me."

Edward wasn't the least bit hesitant. He was willing to do whatever it took to move past all the things that continued to hold him back.

"I'm ready. Let's get this show on the road." Edward clapped his hands together, eager for the weekend to start.

"Good. Grab your things and let's hit it." Jason opened the office door and ushered Edward out.

For the next three days, secluded in a cabin in the north Georgia mountains, Edward and Jason dug deep. The goal was to use a therapeutic tool called Brainspotting, which got to the root of what was causing him to relive his early struggles as the son of Carlisle Cullen and being in the shadow of his brother, Riley. They also peeled the onion and relived the whiplash of his relationship with Emma, the college World Series, and going number one in the draft. Then finally, they relived his list of injuries that always seemed to get in his way when he had momentum on his side and his relationship with Bella.

All these things shook his confidence that he was a leader, that he was his own man, and that nothing could ever stand in his way. His instinct to lead was strong, and he'd been a leader since he was a young child.

Every Cullen was a leader.

He wore the Cullen name.

Everyone knew who he was.

Everyone had an expectation.

However, Edward was able to disseminate that he was the one who was the hardest on himself. He held himself to an unreasonable standard, and that standard led to his fear of failure.

In order for Edward to heal, he had to relive all the moments he struggled with, the moments he failed, and the moments he felt he wasn't good enough. The idea of letting people down who believed in him was the crux of his anxiety.

By the end of the three days, Edward felt like he'd cleared a huge obstacle. Jason helped him understand the roots of how he felt and why he reacted the way he did, even when he thought he'd gotten over it and what would trigger it to reoccur.

"Jason, I can't thank you enough for all you've done for me." Edward hugged the doctor, who, after three long days, had become more than just a doctor; he'd become a friend.

"You did the work, man. I'm proud of you. Now, it's all about using the tools we discussed and implementing them."

~oOo~

Edward came back home invigorated and ready to go back to work. The next step Jason wanted him to take was to make things right with Bella. Even though she had been very supportive of Edward and the program, Jason suggested that if he saw a future with Bella, he needed to include her in his mental health journey. The best way for them to continue to grow together as a couple was to be completely transparent with her about what they discussed and what he discovered about himself.

Bella came home from practice, excited to see that Edward was back earlier than she expected. She found him at the stove with a cookbook propped on the counter, making one of her favorite dinners.

He was deep in thought, reading the recipe, when she came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Hey, darlin'."

Edward startled at her touch, but quickly spun around to see her beautiful face. She'd been in the forefront of his mind for the last three days.

"Hey, shug," he responded loudly. "Aren't you a sight for sore eyes." He cupped her face and pulled her into a kiss.

"Why are you yelling?" She pulled away, smiling.

"Oh, sorry!" Edward huffed out a laugh as he removed his ear pods. "I was listening to music."

"Nice. What are you listening to?"

"Debussy." Edward shrugged. "Jason suggested some music therapy, so I thought I would try listening to something while I was cooking." Edward put one of his ear pods into Bella's ear to let her listen.

"I love this," she said softly. "It's very calming."

Edward smirked. "It is. It's not what I usually listen to, but I'm sure it will grow on me. I can listen to almost anything, as long as it relaxes me. I just wanted to try something different."

"Well, I like it. It's good to expand your horizons every once in a while." Bella handed Edward back his ear pod. "Whatcha makin'? It smells good in here."

"Penne with Vodka sauce." Edward eyed her from the side as he stirred the mixture.

"Shut the front door." Bella looked into the pot, and her mouth watered when she saw the sauce.

"It's already closed, Bella," he teased, kissing the tip of her nose.

"Hush, you." She swatted his arm. "What's the occasion? Shouldn't I be making you a welcome home dinner?"

"Nah, I wanted to do something for you, shug."

"Aww. Thank you, baby. I've been living on those Factor dinners for the past few days. A home-cooked meal sounds perfect." Bella kissed him sweetly.

"Good. Go on and get your shower, and by the time you're finished, dinner should be ready."

Bella couldn't resist and dipped her pinky into the sauce to snag a taste.

A grin curled on the edge of Edward's mouth. "Swan, get out of my sauce."

"Sorry, sorry. I couldn't help myself. It's good, baby."

"I'm glad. Now go jump in the shower."

Fifteen minutes later, Bella came out dressed in shorts and a tank top with her hair pulled back in a ponytail. Edward was putting the finishing touches on the meal just as she arrived, all fresh faced and clean.

"Sit," he ordered.

"So bossy." Bella giggled as she took a seat.

"You like it, and you know it." He tugged on the end of her ponytail and gave her a wink.

Edward came back from the stove with two bowls of pasta. Bread and salad were already on the table, as well as a nice bottle of wine.

"Here you go." Edward set down the pasta in front of Bella. "Eat while it's still hot. I'll tell you about everything after we're finished."

They ate in relative silence, occasionally talking about less than serious matters.

When they finished, they grabbed their wine glasses and headed over to the sofa and sat down, the dishes forgotten.

"You seem to be in a really great mood," Bella commented, rubbing a hand on his thigh.

"You know"—Edward paused in thought—"I really am. I feel a lot more in control, if that makes sense."

"It does. You already seem lighter, and it's only been three days."

"It was one hell of a long weekend. Let me tell you. But once we got through all the hard stuff, I felt freer than I have in a long time."

"I'm so happy for you. I know how much you wanted this to work. Sounds like it was exactly what you needed."

"It was. I'd forgotten who the hell I was and what made me, me." Edward's brow furrowed as he got lost in thought. "Jason helped me understand the reasons why I react and process everything the way I do and why I haven't gotten past certain things. He also said, 'my unresolved anxiety made me feel inferior and it became challenging on and off the field.' If I didn't play well, I was always fearful I would be replaced. When I was injured, I felt the same way. It gnawed at me no matter what I did to get it out of my head."

"Edward, some of that was pure human emotions. You were a kid when it started. Don't be too hard on yourself."

"It was. However, I was so fucking scared to fail that it dictated how I handled these 'basic' human emotions. It put me into overdrive." Edward brushed his hand over his face as he took a deep breath to center himself.

"And now you're figuring it all out. You're so brave, baby. This hasn't been an easy road for you."

Edward smiled weakly. "It hasn't. I learned that this weekend. I've just been burying all this shit for so long. What I thought I'd moved past, is still rearing its ugly head all these years later."

Bella held his hand and squeezed it tightly.

"Your deal?" Edward sighed. "It was the perfect set up for me. You know why?"

"Why?"

"Because how could I fail at a relationship if I wasn't in one. You gave me the perfect out. That is until I fell madly in love with you. Then, all the feelings of failure came rushing forward in my mind."

"Edward, you've never failed me. Not one single time. You hear me?" Bella placed her free hand over her heart, gesturing to herself. "I was the one who failed you. I've had my own issues, and though I believe I've put them to bed, so to speak, I'm aware they could also rear their ugly head at any time. I'm staying on top of it, and if something triggers me, then I know exactly what I need to do and where I need to be."

"I'm sorry if I triggered you, shug. I never meant to—"

"Shh. You didn't, oddly enough. My heart and my mind know that you're not Jacob. I realized that whatever was happening with you, it was not who you are. It was bigger than anything you or I could handle. Did I go and speak to my therapist? Yes. But it wasn't about me." Bella paused, contemplating how to say what was on her heart. "It was about how I could be the best person to support you as you took this journey. You never gave up on me, Edward. So, I sure as shit wasn't about to give up on you."

"Shug…" Edward's voice cracked. "I still don't feel like I deserve you. The way I spoke to you…it was—"

"Not you." Bella said with conviction. "If it was, we'd be having an entirely different conversation right now."

Edward nodded as the sting in his eyes tempered.

"Bella, I need you to know"—Edward cleared his throat—"I still have work to do."

"I know, darlin'. No one expects a miracle after three days. But I can tell the weekend gave you a lot of clarity."

"It did. Now Jason warned me, things will come up from time to time that will challenge me, but he showed me how to handle it so I can get past those moments quicker."

Bella laced her fingers with Edward's, holding his hand tight for support. She was so proud of him. Edward never did anything half-assed, and this was just another thing he was going to go all-in on to make him better.

"I'm so proud of you," Bella praised. "You've really taken the bull by the horns on this one. You sound and look much more confident."

"Thanks, baby. I feel a shift." Edward took his hand out of Bella's and combed it through his hair. "I never realized how much I held inside of me. But I'll be working on this each day, and the goal is that the work will make me stronger and better mentally. Not only does that help with me with baseball, but it'll also help me with my life, and that's the most important thing."

"Well, I think you are the most important thing. You and your mental health. You've had a lot on your plate for a very long time. Sounds like Jason helped you clear the cobwebs and see yourself more clearly. I support that a million percent."

"I love you, shug," Edward mumbled against her lips as he leaned in to give her a kiss.

"I love you too, darlin'," she responded, kissing him softly. She didn't want them to get carried away. She had a few more questions, so she pulled away from his lips and sat back. "Can I ask you a few questions?"

"Shoot."

"What did Jason tell you to do if you feel your anxiety or a panic attack coming on?" Bella inquired.

"Well, ideally, the Brainspotting I just went through should help prevent an attack from happening. But nothing is a guarantee, as you well know. He gave me some tools, and I'm supposed to share them with you in case I forget in the moment. He gave me a booklet for you, and one for my parents."

"Oh, good. He's very thorough."

"He is. I'm in the absolute best hands." Edward inhaled and let out a small gust of air as he situated himself to sit directly in front of Bella. "Since we're talking about it, let me give you a brief idea of what I'm supposed to do."

Bella mirrored Edward, sitting cross-legged on the sofa.

"It's super easy, it's just remembering to do it when you feel it coming on or when you're in the middle of it. It's a sensory thing to focus on a countdown and not your anxiety. So, what I have to do is name five things I can see, four things I can hear, three things I can touch and touch them, two things I can smell, and then take a deep breath and say, 'I'm okay.'"

"Wow. You're right. That does seem simple enough, but when you're in the throes of it, it gives you something to get out of your head. It's definitely a good thing to practice, and I'll commit this to memory as well."

"I'm hoping it'll never come to that again but having you in my corner means everything to me."

Edward wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his lap. As she straddled his thighs, he tugged the elastic from her hair and let it fall down around her. He smoothed his hands up and down her thighs before bringing her in for a tight hug.

"Thank you for believing in me. For not running. I know I was unbearable," he murmured against her hair.

"Stop." She squeezed him back. "I'll always believe in you. This is a small bump in the road, Edward. Together, there's nothing we can't overcome."

Edward pulled away and looked her in the eyes. "Agreed."

"And as for running away?" Bella placed her hand on his face, grazing her thumb against his stubbled cheek. "The only direction I'm running is straight to you."

~oOo~

An: Awww…Bella. So, Edward got the help he needed and they are solid. I want you to know…by no means do Edward or Bella think he is "cured". He has some work to do, but he is also in a better head space to do so. Brainspotting is a real thing and has been very successful.

Thank you so so much for all the gorgeous reviews. I appreciate every single one. FFN is still be a PITA, so I appreciate y'all making the effort to review and let me know what you think.

Please let me know what y'all think. I look forward to hearing all your theories and ideas.

I am working on the last chapter as we speak. And then I will have the epilogue and a futuretake to write. They got a little more chatty, so, it looks like the story will run about 35 chapters. I plan to do a recipe chapter since quite a few of y'all have asked for recipes.

I have a FB group called DrivingEdward Fanfiction on FB. If you would like pic teasers, updates, and all things Darlin' and Shug, please come find us.

See you in two weeks.

~Be Happy

~Be Kind

~Be Blessed

~DrivingEdward