Revamped!
[I have a lot of these chapters banked but I keep forgetting to upload them. Anyways, Apollo's birth story (A Good King Goes to War) is now fully revamped so go check it out because it complements this arc greatly].
Chapter 117: What Happened in Asgard Part Five
Five Years Ago - Asgard
The Norns said that those who refused their destiny often lost their minds. Apollo was on a mission to try and stop Ragnarök and, while doing that, he was growing in fear and paranoia about the whole event. Sigyn, because she was on board for being killed if it meant saving the world, was fine. Or felt like she was fine. Her only sadness stems from Apollo not cooperating and being proud and selfish, and because she started feeling trapped now more than before.
Sure, having her life written out for her was suffocating, but now there's a vague yet precise date to her death which made her life feel as if it was ticking down to zero. All that combined with her being banned from Midgard not only made her feel livid at Apollo but depressed and pitiful. As if Apollo was already taking in too much air from her and now, he was inhaling all of it for himself. He was scared, she gets that, and, to be fair, she was terrified. She was always scared of her life being taken by her own cousin. If there was one thing she could change about Ragnarök, it would be how she dies.
Maybe she would rewrite herself as Ragnarök's champion.
Maybe her acceptance was her way of still saying she's scared.
Maybe she was refusing Ragnarök either and her impassive attitude was her losing her mind.
"Sigyn?" Freya asks.
Sigyn shakes her head and looks at Freya, not having heard anything she was saying if she was even saying something, to begin with. If there was one person in Asgard she could consolidate, it was Freya (same applied to Apollo but for different reasons). Freya has been on her toes when approaching Apollo and Sigyn because they have both been sensitive or blunt towards Ragnarök. That, and they always were being babied by Thor and Jane so if there was a real adolescent here, it was Freya.
"Are you okay?" Freya asks.
"I miss Midgard," Sigyn says. "I miss being there. It feels like every time I come here, we always find out something bad or something terrible happens."
Freya nods, sympathizing. "Apollo does too."
"Apollo doesn't want to see our friends or tell them that Ragnarök is coming! We've known about it for three years and it's still not showing up so we could just go and nothing will happen."
"Have you ever thought about Apollo telling them?" Freya asks. "Think about it: Apollo is a man of presentation. He's the chosen champion of Ragnarök and the heir to Asgard's throne. Asgard is a protectorate of Midgard and all the other Realms, and his friends are people with whom he can be vulnerable around. How would his ego feel if he said aloud that he would rather have Midgard and Asgard burned than sacrifice himself? That he would rather lose all his people and land than himself? How does that make him look?"
Sigyn rolls her eyes. "If only we could extract his ego and choke the Midgard Serpent with it."
"Sigyn, imagine if you were in his shoes. I believe that if you weren't involved in Ragnarök, he would've been satisfied with sacrificing himself."
"What are you getting at?"
"You do know the last thing that Apollo would be doing before dying is killing you, right? He's so adamant on having a noble death so tell me what's so noble about committing an unlawful execution before sacrificing yourself, especially since he has resisted killing you the moment he found out he had to. It's an unjust take on 'a life for a life,' if you ask me."
Sigyn is silent. She can't stand this conversation anymore so she decides to turn it around. "How aren't you crying?"
Freya scoffs. "Who says I haven't? Why would I cry in front of you or Apollo? Sure, I would be losing my best friends but why do I deserve your pity? I still might die at Ragnarök at the hands of Hela's forces but I'm not destined to. How would you feel if someone offered to take your place at Ragnarök?"
Sigyn opens her mouth a little to say something but ends up biting on her tongue. The fact that she hesitated on that last question indicates that she may not be completely for Ragnarök in the way she thought she was. Why was Freya of all people the only voice of reason she's had? And why does Sigyn feel as if she hates her for that?
-o-
Later in the evening when it was time for dinner, everyone took their seats at the table. Thor sits at the head of the table, Jane beside Thor, Apollo on the other side of his father, Freya beside Apollo, and Sigyn beside Jane. The castle staff simultaneously lift the silver domes from the trays, releasing clouds of steam scented like herbs and oils. Everyone says their thanks except for Apollo who gasps and shoves his chair away from the table, its legs screeching against the floor. They all jump a little, startled at what just happened.
"How dare you?!" Apollo turns blazing eyes on the servant who delivered him his meal.
The servant stumbles back, her eyes as round as the tray. Apollo stands so fast that his chair tumbles to the floor.
"Speak!" Apollo exclaims at her. "How dare you mock me?!"
The servant doesn't respond, frightened.
Thor instantly rises from his seat, sending his chair back as well. "Apollo, sit down!"
"Father!" He yells back.
"Listen to yourself!" Jane adds urgently, trying to reason.
Freya and Sigyn sit across from each other, trying to communicate with their eyes as those three argue with one another. They guess that when the servant opened Apollo's tray, he didn't see the food that was there. Sigyn twists her illuminated fingers under the table and Freya subtly peeks underneath. Sigyn uses her magic to create what Apollo saw. It was The Midgard Serpent. He was hallucinating and letting his anger out.
"Apollo…" Jane mutters, standing up slowly to ease him. "Please calm down…"
The servant backs away, bowing, muttering apologies and begging for mercy for something she hasn't done. Sigyn's entire body is shaking. With her racing heart, she squares her shoulders and stands up.
"I did it!" Sigyn exclaims.
The room stills, silences. Thor dismisses the servant who runs out in a bumbling sob, noting to make an apology after he handles this moment. Everyone turns to Sigyn: Freya from her seat, Thor from the head of the table, Jane from beside him, and Apollo with rage.
"I did it…" Sigyn repeats softer with a little spunk in her voice. For some odd reason, it felt good for her to say that even if it was a lie.
Everyone watches her without expression, except for Apollo. He fists both hands at his sides with a seething dark gaze. Sigyn's entire mouth goes dry as she runs her tongue over the roof of her mouth. Still, her adrenaline pumps vigorously.
"I was only trying to help you adjust to Ragnarök," she lies, pressing her arms against the table to stop herself from shaking. She's blessed to have been gifted with excellent lying abilities. "It was meant as a harmless joke. I thought that since you want to defeat The Midgard Serpent, you could eat it instead of the other way around. I understand now that it was an immature decision that crossed ethical lines. I can only apologize and ask you for your forgiveness." Her eyes meet Apollo's and they don't, at all, look sorry. "But if forgiveness isn't in your oh-so-mighty power, then at least direct your anger towards me and not the dear servant, who would've had no previous knowledge of my sin since they were only a pawn in my actions. The punishment should be mine."
Sigyn thought that she would've eased the tension, but she only made it worse. Apollo's breathing returns to normal as he shakes his head. Freya takes his arm but he pulls back. He departs, picking up his fallen chair before leaving. Sigyn takes this as her cue to sit back down. Her hands are shaking so hard from under the table after Apollo's outburst that she thinks she's making the entire table vibrate. Then, she looks back up only to have Thor and Jane staring at her coldly because, from their perspective, they believe she did it. She isn't offended that they believe her so easily and she won't confess because it feels good not to.
"How could you do something like that?" Jane asks with absolute anger in her voice.
Sigyn shrugs with a small smile. "Sometimes, you gotta laugh instead of cry and scream."
Jane opens her mouth to continue to yell but stops herself, regaining her composure. "Just eat your food and don't say another word."
Everyone is seated again. Sigyn just tosses her food back and forth with her fork, not even making eye contact with Freya. The tension in the room is so tough that it could be thrown at a window to shatter it.
"This is all due to psychological trauma about Ragnarök," Thor says to Jane.
"I'd recommend that we get him a doctor but what could they possibly do?" Jane asks.
"Prescribe a daily dose of tantrums to let it all out," Sigyn suggests with a small laugh in her voice.
Thor and Jane look glare at her again. This time, in annoyance.
"What's wrong with you?" Thor asks her.
"Forgive me, Thor, but I'm hungry," Sigyn says, shoving food in her mouth.
"Your safety is all Apollo cares about."
Sigyn almost chokes on her food due to a laugh. She swallows and takes a quick drink of her water. "Is that so? Sure, he acknowledges that I'll die at Ragnarök but he seems more concerned about it being on his conscious than him losing his favourite cousin. I don't deserve his protection and don't want it anymore if he'll allocate it to save me and not the Realms."
"Sigyn."
Sigyn's smile fades. When someone says your name like that, when they won't even look her in the eye, there is nothing more she could do or say. Their mind is made up that they're done with whatever she's trying to pull.
They did tell her to be quiet and eat her dinner, which she didn't do.
Sigyn stands up and excuses herself for the night, suddenly losing her appetite. She still finds it funny how only a little lie can cause so much.
-o-
Later in the night, Apollo scrambles awake, gasping, his hand clutching to his neck, still feeling the monster's long teeth lodged in his flesh. He looks out his bedroom window at the sharp shards of the night sky.
He dreamt that he was on the battlefield and that he saw when he put on The Serpent Crown. He heard screams and roars, seeing the blackened ruins of an unknown city around him, the piles of bodies with Sigyn's standing out. Then, the Midgard Serpent locked eyes at him and pounced - then he woke up.
Then, he looks over at the foot of his bed and sees Sigyn corpse lying there with her eyes wide open, staring at him. Apollo sits up, startled at the sight. He looks down at his hands and sees them covered in blood - her blood - and it hits him:
Her blood will be on his hands. The Midgard Serpent will eat him. He will die.
Ragnarök's coming for him and the thought of that future squeezes the air from his lungs.
Apollo's stomach lurches at the illusion of Sigyn and her blood vanishes. He rolls on his other side, his stomach tumbling with him. What happened at dinner was his first hallucination (even if Sigyn may or may not have prompted it - he doesn't know or care anymore since thinking about it hurts) but he knows that they will keep coming and worsening. He'll see a hungry serpent crawling out of the shadows in the night, scratching the floor and walls. Sigyn's corpse will be lying around anywhere - on tables, the floor, the grass - drenched in her blood.
"Apollo?"
He looks up and sees Freya peeking in through the door. She slowly walks up to him. Apollo blinks hard, struggling to focus on her in case she's just a figment of his mind. When Freya sits on the edge of his bed and takes his hand, he knows that she's there because his heart feels warmer.
"Should I ask?" Freya asks.
"I'm fine," Apollo replies, wiping the sweat on his forehead with his free hand.
Freya doesn't smile but just keeps staring at him. Apollo straightens himself, scooting closer to her. Sometimes, being quiet with her feels more like real closeness than having a conversation with someone else. He couldn't let her be scared about his problem. Someone has to be brave because he isn't.
"Apollo, you need to talk to me," Freya begs.
"I can't keep talking about this," Apollo replies. "I need to fight, I need to do something! I can't talk and negotiate with the Midgard Serpent! Everything's different now. I'm different. I'm powerful and my mind is falling apart. But maybe I can fix it - stop it. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do."
"Neither do I."
Apollo looks at her in the darkness, her eyes glowing from the light coming in through the window. She's breathtaking. She's beautiful, innocent, perfect, kind, caring, loving, and so much more.
"Can you stay?" Apollo asks her.
Freya hesitates for a second before nodding. Apollo scoots over and she slips in under the sheets next to him. They both lie down and Freya snuggles up close to him. She lays her head and hand on his chest, and Apollo watches her drift slowly to sleep.
Apollo's heart beats faster every time she's near him, almost like she's restoring life in him. They do love each other - maybe they never said it, and maybe love was something they were never in, but it was something they feel for each other.
"I'll be fighting by your side," Freya whispers to him with a smile.
"At least someone is," Apollo responds. "God, Freya, I'm terrified."
"But you've always been so brave. Fear is just an emotion."
"No, you don't get it. I was never brave before learning about Ragnarök just because nothing scared me. How could I be brave if I've had nothing to be brave against?"
Freya is silent because Apollo has a point.
[When you're Apollo x Freya trash].
