Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. I am only putting my spin on Stephenie Meyer's already created world of the supernatural.
Warnings: Violence/Gore, mentions/attempt of suicide and character deaths
"This is bull—!"
"Leah!"
Jacob had come back from the stupid party at the Cullen house that everyone had warned him not to go to, even dumber. Go figure. And what was the dumb demand that night, you ask? That we'd fight on the side of those hellish bloodsuckers, that we'd aid them. Why? Because Bella Swan, who used Jacob like a human tissue, needed protection. I guessed her neutered bloodsucker had dropped the ball and now we were being told to pick it up. The craziest part was that Sam was buying into Jacob's nonsense. Again. Why was I even surprised? Every crazy request that high school idiot had was always granted.
"Why do we always let Jacob break the rules? He tells a human who's on their leash about our secrets! He brings the vampire girl to our territory, onto our grounds and gets no punishment. Now, he's going out there and speaking for the pack? Let me guess, he gets a pass because he's a Black? Because he could've been the alpha? Well, he isn't! You're the alpha and the fact that you're even considering an alliance with these demons—!"
"Shut up, Leah! You're making a fool out of yourself!" Sam bellowed over top of me, standing at his full height as if he could still intimidate me. I knew what he was, saw so clear now what I couldn't before when I was as young and stupid as Jacob. He was exactly like his father.
The whole pack was watching from Emily's place. We'd all agreed to meet up there after Jacob broke the news of how he'd agreed to something on behalf of the pack. Second-in-command or not, that crap couldn't go unchallenged. I couldn't believe he'd thought he could force the pack into anything, but Sam hadn't even addressed it. Jacob had done something completely against what the pack formed for. But, sure, I was the foolish one, the one out of order. I was the unwanted one…always.
I faltered, rushing to get back the anger so it could push away the pain. "Since when does no one care about the Quileute land? Since when am I the only person who cares about keeping our secret a secret?"
"What do you suggest, huh? That we go out against an army of newborns by ourselves?"
I stepped closer to him, ignoring the way he backed away from me like I was the scourge of humanity. "Yes. Let's go out there and kill all of them—I know we can do it!"
"We'll get wiped out, for real this time. None of us would survive and then who would watch over our lands? That can't happen." He shook his head at me, the same look on his face as when he came back after weeks of ignoring me with no explanation. "The only way to stop this threat is to ally ourselves with them and get rid of Victoria once and for all. We're done trying to do this by ourselves as she kills more and more people—our people. Fall in line, do as your told, and try not to get in our way."
"Your way? Get in your way?" He started to walk away and my heart burned in my chest. "I'd hate to inconvenience you and your perfect little life with my cousin! Why don't you let me face the army alone so you and your loyal pack can sit by while I'm ripped apart? I'm sure you'd all prefer it that way!"
He turned around, fury in his eyes. If I knew one thing, it was how to push his buttons, how to make him feel horrible about himself. I excelled at it after sharing a mind with him so many times and I was teeming for a fight. I wanted to hit him and get hit and then hit him harder, to bleed this feeling out of myself. Emily ran out, Jared and Embry on her tail, ready to stop him. I didn't want them to stop him and as a tremor ran through his body, I felt the familiar heat that came right before phasing. It was intense, like a fireball pushing and expanding itself out of you. Heat burned away your body in a painless flame until you could breathe again, and the moment you did, a flood of smells and scents you could've never imagined before rushed through your lungs. I let invisible flames engulf me, my body wracked with tremors, quaking as the heat tried to explode out of me.
"Stop it!" Embry pinned my arms behind my back and Emily jumped to help Sam cool off. "We're going and that's final! Sam is the alpha and what he says goes!"
I aimed a kick at Embry's knee and it worked like a charm, his arms falling off of me as he hissed in pain. "I won't do it. You can, but I won't."
"You're coming," Sam said, his voice booming in that way I couldn't stand. It was worse when we were both phased, but it was bad enough now. "Early morning, show up, or you're out of the pack."
"Sam," Emily called his name, a pleading edge to it. She glanced over at me and I made sure to glare for the second she saw my face. "Let's go back inside."
Sam stared long and hard into my eyes, measuring me. I wondered if he remembered how we used to gaze at each other in my bed. We would giggle over something stupid because it was late and we were both tired. I still remembered him like that, back when he was small for his age and always laughing with me. Somehow, that made it worse to see him like he was now. I looked down, conceding without another word so he'd leave me alone. I couldn't stand to look at him anymore. I couldn't stand to look at the way Emily had her hand on his chest, the engagement ring sparkling and laughing at me.
Emily let out a breath of relief, her heart slowing to a normal pace as Sam allowed her to guide him inside. Embry stayed out with me, even as Jared made some biting comment I ignored before running off after Sam.
It was only when I met Embry's eyes that he asked, "Why can't you try and get along with the pack?" Before I could utter a word, he added, "You're making it hell for everyone, you know."
I spat back at him, "Good. Then you know what I have to live through every day."
"Oh, get over yourself, Leah! The world doesn't revolve around you and your drama!" He snapped before running off to go join the others like the obedient little doggy he was. They all made me sick.
I walked home, not wanting to risk hearing them in case they decided to phase for some reason. In the beginning, I hadn't meant to be such a mental drain on everyone, it was just the way I was feeling. If things were even a little normal, I wouldn't have to censor my thoughts and worry about how they'd affect people. But, nothing was normal. And in the beginning, it had been a simple case of getting used to sharing one mind, it was completely innocent when I'd slip. A thought here, a thought there, it was forgivable. They hadn't always hated me.
The point where it all became purposeful and personal was after Jacob had started to mock me. I knew why he'd started it; Bella pulled Jacob around like a toddler trying to walk a newborn puppy on a short leash. I pointed that out. The reason why it kept getting worse between me and him was because I was the uncomfortable reminder. Every time I was miserable, it was a reminder that Bella would always be a raw nerve for him, a constant, gnawing pain. Bella was his Sam. The rest of them let Jacob say whatever bull-crap he wanted, so they deserved punishment, too. I'd always get three for one by bringing up Embry's paternity conflict, but I was always thinking of new methods.
"Leah!" Seth's voice echoed through the forest I'd been storming through for the last minute. I slowed down so he could catch up. "Why did you do that?"
"Because I don't agree with him and I don't have to always agree with him. I have a mind of my own!" No one seemed to understand that. I wanted to blame it on the fact that they were all stupid boys, but it was pretty clear they hated me for who I was now. "And if you believe something's opposite of what Sam says, you should speak up, too. Doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks!"
He looked at me like I was crazy. Crazy was better than what I was usually accused of acting like. "Sam knows what he's doing, he's a great alpha. The only reason I'd ever disagree with him is if he's doing something wrong and he isn't. And Jacob's a good person, too, so he wouldn't ask us to do this if he didn't have to. Things would be better if you could just agree to get along with everyone, I promise." I picked up my pace, only for him to jump in front of me and stop me in my tracks. "I'm not a kid anymore, Leah! Won't you just listen to me for a second?"
Seth was rangy and tall, muscles coming in after all the training Sam had put him, Collin and Brady through. He saw fit to keep them sharp with Victoria active in Forks, saw them as warriors who needed to stay sharp. All I saw was my baby brother when I looked at him. I still heard my dad's voice in the back of my mind the day he was born, ordering me to protect him with all my strength since I had plenty to spare. And I was the reason Seth didn't get to hear Dad tell that story to him ever again.
"You are a kid. You're my kid brother and you should be listening to me and not the other way around. Don't follow anyone blindly because everyone—I mean everyone, Seth—messes up at some point. Even Jacob—God knows why you think he's so great even after hearing his pathetic thoughts." Seth scowled at the negative-Jacob remark. Sometimes, I couldn't stand how he looked up to him. Other days, I was just glad it wasn't Paul or Quil, or worse. "I'm going to go, alright? So, leave me alone about it until then."
"I want you to try and be nicer, Leah. I know they'd love you like I do if you were just a little nicer to them." He looked like he wanted to say something else to me, but he stepped out of my way.
I continued marching straight home. A bed sounded like a dream to me and it was always better to muffle my screams with a pillow.
Thinking about it, I could understand why the younger members of the pack would like Jacob. He's super great at being a wolf and being so irritatingly ok with that side of himself, but he sucked as a human. He pushed his Bella drama off on anyone who would listen, or anyone who was in a five-mile radius of him. Then he had the guts to act like he'd invented a complicated love life. He was so loud about how it was torture to see Bella and torture to be away from Bella and torture having to be civil. To be fair, for being a demon that looked like a man, Edward was sorta bearable, easy to be reasonable and civil with. I'd thought that from the moment I saw him in Jacob's mind, a fact that Paul teased me about for days. The teasing ended when I punched Paul hard enough in the side to crack a rib.
Anyway, it was ridiculous how much the respected and loved, almost-alpha, was complaining. The solution was so easy, so simple. Jacob could leave her life any time he wanted and find some girl stupid enough to date him. He had a choice. I didn't.
I started running through the woods to try and burn off the anger that I'd built up. I ended up letting it simmer in the pit of my stomach since it didn't look like I'd get to fight it out of my system any time soon. Things would've gotten better between me and Sam if we could've fought, they would've been great, even. The only thing was that everyone was so up-in-arms about infighting in the pack. Jacob and Paul could punch each other black and blue, but God forbid Sam get a nice knee to the stomach. And they'd looked disgusted with me for even suggesting hashing things out with a bit of violence. The hypocrites.
When I finally got home, my mom was already in bed, leaving me free to camp out on the couch, unbothered as I watched TV. It was as good as it ever got for me. So, I put on my favorite slasher movie and popped a bag of popcorn and cracked a window before sitting back down. The smell would've driven me and Seth crazy later on, otherwise. Rain pelted the siding of the house in the middle of the movie and I got back up to close the window, spotting Seth and Collin off in the distance. The meeting had ended early, unfortunately.
I tried to ignore the two as they crept inside, focusing instead on Leatherface as he revved his chainsaw. I was glad I didn't have to make them shut up since they'd already noticed Mom's light in her window was out. It saved me the trouble of an argument I didn't need. Collin flopped down on the couch, making himself way too at home as I continued to try and ignore his existence.
"Seth, why is this one here?"
"Don't be like that Leah. You look nice today, by the way." Seth sat down on the other side of me, reaching into my bowl. "Is that perfume that I smell?"
I turned to my brother, ignoring the little twerp who'd made it a habit to always be at my house. "What time do we have to get up for this stupid thing?"
"So early that it's better to stay up than try and sleep," Seth answered, shoving a handful of my popcorn into his mouth. He stole food from me all the time, like it was his profession. It started when he was young and I'd had to learn fast how not to kill my little brother. "What are we watching?"
"You two are watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I'm going for a walk." I got up and went outside before either of them could make any kind of comment on my choice to leave.
"Wait up, we'll come with," Seth said, misunderstanding why I'd left in the first place. Seth smiled at me, shoving a handful of my popcorn into his mouth as he walked with me. His little sidekick jogged on the other side of me, way too close. "Hey, sis, what do you think they'll teach us?"
"Maybe vampires a have a weak spot that we've never found out about before," Collin suggested, excited. "Man, that'd be so cool! They could teach us all the secrets and stuff—we'll be able to kill any cold one we come across."
"Or they'll teach us better techniques to use for fighting mobs of them at the same time. This three-on-one approach that's been our go-to for years won't work in this situation. We've been fighting battles all this time, but this is gonna be a war. They'll teach us guerrilla warfare and then we'll slaughter anything that comes onto that field." Seth held a fist up and I knew better than to leave him hanging, he'd just whine. I bumped my fist against his, as ridiculous as it was. "If any of us die, I'll kill Jacob for it."
"What if you die?" Collin asked, sending a little shock through my heart.
I'd thought countless times about ways to commit suicide at the beginning of phasing. Dying always seemed like a happy alternative to me when I thought about my life and how fast it had run into a dead-end. I didn't go to college because I'd wanted to stay in the tribe and someday take my dad's place in the tribal council. That was the plan for once I was much, much older and settled. And I'd always expected to outlive my favorite person in the world, I just never considered it would be by this much. I thought I had the time to work with Jared's mom at the gift shop in La Push for as long as I wanted. I thought I'd marry the right guy and settle down with kids who I'd tell stories to every night. I thought I'd marry Sam. I thought my dad would someday walk me down the aisle to marry Sam. I thought I'd be best friends with Emily forever and she'd be my maid of honor. I thought I'd be normal, boring all my life with all the people I loved surrounding me. I thought a lot of things. I never thought I'd be fighting an army of vampires because Jacob Black had a crush on their target, but there I was anyway. I thought I'd wanted to die, but even imagining falling to the cold-blooded demons made my blood boil. So, what if I did die? What would happen then?
"I'll come back to life to kill Jake, I know that much." Collin laughed at my comment, but Seth seemed worried that I'd follow through on it.
Seth suggested before I could, "Let's talk about something else."
I stayed quiet, listening to the two go on about school life and how cool they found different members of the pack. It was annoying, but since they were so determined not to leave me alone, I didn't bother complaining at them. It was most likely Seth's idea anyway. He always stuck to me like glue after a fight with Sam. Softy.
"Whatever happens, I'm definitely going to get more of them than you will. I'm way better at fighting than you," Collin said to Seth, igniting an argument that lasted all the way back to the house. I had to hit them both over the head to make them shut up and act their ages.
"I'll wake up Mom," I told Seth once we were back inside the house and Collin left to go change and get ready.
Everyone always said the same word about my mom when referencing her since Dad passed: Strong. Sue is so strong, Leah. You're so much like your mom, Leah, so strong. Tell your mother I said stay strong, Leah. It was all the same, all about strength. It pissed me off. Who decided what was strong when it came to losing someone you loved? Why was it strong to only suffer on the inside? My mom never sobbed, wailed, or wept after Dad's funeral, but she felt every bit as helpless as anyone in her position did. She wasn't invincible, there were days when she'd had unshed tears shining in her eyes until she went back to bed. People treated her like losing her life-partner was some sort of test that she was so "strong" to be able to pass. To me, all that crap they said just implied that she would be weak if she ever allowed herself to scream, to wail, to let it out. She'd had people encourage her to block it all out and keep going like it would somehow get easier. It didn't get any easier for me with Sam and my mom built an entire life around the man she loved, around my father. If people had treated my mom the way the pack dealt with me whenever I mourned my past love, I would've killed them.
It wasn't every morning that she needed me. It wasn't every day that she would sit up and leave behind a wet pillowcase and Dad's favorite sweatshirt on the bed. Whenever it was, I made a point to be there. Gods, it killed me to see her like that, to see her waiting to die and meet him again. I still forced myself to look every single time. Because it was my fault. How could I shy away from the result of what I'd done? If I hadn't phased, if I'd just controlled myself—
"Good morning," Mom greeted me, already sitting up when I opened the door to her room. She patted the bed beside her and I closed the door behind myself as I came in to sit. "It's raining today, again. I'm not surprised, but I still always hope that the forecasts will be wrong and the sun will shine."
"Like I've said a hundred times, we should move somewhere else so we can see the sun."
She sighed, placing her hand on my leg. "You know why we can't leave." I had a million counterarguments for her reasons for staying, but I couldn't bring myself to fight with her, not since that day. "And maybe we'd get spoiled in places like California and Texas. We'd see the sun all the time and forget why we missed it, remembering all the rain from before."
"Grass is always greener on the other side."
"Exactly," she concurred, smiling at me with tired eyes. "It will always look better from way over here, too far to see the imperfections. So, today, let's just try to enjoy our side of the grass. I have two great kids, a job I like, coworkers I get along with, friends that are irreplaceable to me. How could I not be happy on this side?"
"So, you're just gonna be happy from now on?" I couldn't help the doubt in my question, even though I did want to support her.
She patted my leg and then stood up, stretching out her arms. "I'm going to try to be," she said through a yawn.
Her bathroom door clicked shut after she walked behind me and around the bed, but I sat still on the bed, staring out of the window. It wasn't pouring rain, but it was just enough to be annoying, so I was glad when it stopped. The clouds stayed, though, threatening to start another shower at any moment. I left the room when I heard Mom's blow dryer come on and found Seth on the couch downstairs, his left leg shaking as he looked lost in thought.
"Just tell me what's wrong so I can tell you to man up," I said, snapping him out of whatever train of thought he'd been in. "Come on."
He stood up, hair still wild from his last phase and faint dark circles under his eyes. "I was just thinking…maybe one of us should sit out this fight. And you already don't wanna do it, so maybe it could be you."
I crossed my arms. "I want to fight, I just don't want to have to be in the presence of those demons longer than necessary."
"No, I know you'd love to fight, I just meant—well, one of us should sit it out, for Mom's sake." My arms fell back down to my sides and he gave a nervous little smile that reminded me of his first day at school. "Heavy, I know. But shouldn't we at least talk about it?"
"I thought you trusted Sam as an alpha. He made it clear he needs every one of us."
"Maybe he's just been too busy thinking about the upcoming war, so he forgot to think about the people we're trying to protect." Crap. When did he get so smart? "So, should we ask him?"
It felt like a stone was in my stomach. The thought of outliving Seth was something I'd never considered on purpose. "I won't sit this one out, it would be you who sits it out because Mom forgave me for one, but I won't be forgiven twice."
"Leah—"
"End of story. So, ask Sam to wuss out if you want, but he'll probably say no anyway." I looked at the digital clock by the TV, the red numbers showing me that hours had passed without me noticing. "Either way, I have your back. You know that, right?"
He smiled, his face lighting up again. Good. "I know. Even if it's really annoying, you're always there."
"What more can a big sister do for her kid brother?"
"I'm not a kid."
I wagged a finger at him the way I knew irritated him to death. "See, that's exactly what a kid says. An adult would say that they wish they were still a kid. Now, come on, it's time to go." Mom came down the stairs just in time, her hair and makeup done and dressed in her scrubs for the day.
She kissed Seth's cheek and hugged me goodbye, and then grabbed a thermos full of coffee to go. Seth and I watched her drive off for a long day of work. We waited for her car's taillights to disappear into the dark before we phased to connect with the others. It was always odd at first, feeling the others thoughts as my own raced forward.
Nice of you to join us, Paul thought.
Don't feel like you have to wait up, Paul. I'll always catch up with you in no time, I thought. A half-dead squirrel could catch up with you.
Save it for the newborns, you two, Sam ordered.
Jacob's thoughts spiralled into a Bella frenzy as he thought about how he was going to see her again. Pathetic.
I don't think you wanna get onto the topic of pathetic people, Jacob thought. He was always so ready to defend the girl who enjoyed kissing a corpse more than him. Yeah, and when was the last time you kissed anyone? Oh, wait…
You wait until I see you, Jacob Black, I'll—
Silence! Sam used the alpha-voice, the sound forcing a whimper through my muzzle. I ran to catch up with the others, a disappointed Seth trailing behind. There's no telling what we'll be walking into with the Cullens, we need to be a united front. Take this seriously because this isn't about Bella or Victoria. This is about the fate of Forks, the fate of the Quileutes. Get along, or else.
Everyone was quiet and I could only think of running and the stench that my nose was going to have to endure. Was there anything that smelled worse than the cold ones?
Jared's socks. I make him keep his shoes on when he comes over, Quil thought with an internal shudder. The pack remembered different instances with Jared's gym socks until I was about to hurl.
We're close now, let's rally up and discuss before the mind-reader can hear us, Sam ordered. Seth and I broke through the trees and found the pack already huddled together. The rain had let up for a while, only to end its tiny dry spell earlier this morning. The air smelled nice, like…
Petrichor, Embry finished my thought, saving me from hours of having it just on the tip of my tongue. There were some perks to sharing thoughts.
The mind-reader will speak for us and we'll keep our distance. Quil, Collin, you go around the back so you can flank them in case something happens. Carlisle and I will speak and I decide which questions get asked. Do not speak directly to the mind-reader, he needs to hear me over all of you. Sam barked out orders, a few I didn't like. What do you have to ask that's so important then, Leah?
Why have the vampires come for Bella anyway? And would it really be so bad if we just handed her over?
Jacob lunged at me and the two of us ended up fighting on the ground. We scuffled, biting and scratching each other until Sam broke the two of us up. He snarled, looking bigger in the night with his hackles raised.
Enough. If I have to say something about you two again, you'll both sit out the whole fight. Do you understand?
So what? I can't even defend myself anymore? I asked, lifting a hind leg that was still too tender to lean on after Jacob's surprise attack. Fine! I'll just suck it up, as always! Jacob can do whatever he wants and I'll just shut up and deal with it!
The both of you need to shut up and deal with it! Sam roared and I winced along with Jacob.
C'mon, guys. Can't we just get along? Seth thought of an old memory of me and Jacob joking and laughing together. Pain lashed at my heart when Dad entered the memory, asking if we wanted pizza for dinner. Everyone groaned and scolded Seth. What? I was just trying to help!
Yeah, well you made it worse, Jared accused, nodding his head in my direction. Can we just get this over with so I don't have to deal with her moping again?
S'not like we're actually going to learn anything new. I'm pretty sure we're better at killing their kind than they are, Paul thought. Memories of him hunting down Laurent played over again through our heads.
Funny. I seem to remember this. Embry recalled Paul falling into a river trying to chase down Victoria. Jacob laughed, others did too, but he laughed the loudest.
It's not like you could catch her, either! Paul growled.
That's exactly why we're here. Separated, we've not been able to table this problem. Together, we can handle this. We must unify our forces, Sam thought, hammering in the point of teamwork for what I hoped was the last time. Collin, Quil, you in place?
Yep, Collin thought back. He'd narrowly avoided a skunk on his way into position. Should we start advancing?
Sam looked at all of us, a harshness clear in his eyes. We weren't allowed to mess this up, not with so much at stake. Brady thought about all he had to lose, triggering everyone else to think about who exactly we came here for. Seth and I were here for our mom and the memory of our father. Sam was here for us, to try and save our way of life…and of course, Emily.
Quick, before she can sulk! Jared thought and darted off.
Sam ran ahead and we all followed him, Jared eventually falling behind him. I had to go extra slow, but I didn't mind it since all I was running towards anyway were the cold ones. As we got closer, the stench came and everyone noticed it around the same time, unable to help but wince against the smell of it. Weirdly enough, though, there was a pleasant smell mixed in. It was very nice, like candy, but none like I'd ever caught a whiff of before. I'd smelled it before, too.
Leah and the phantom smell, tale as old as time, Paul thought, getting one last jab in before Sam slowed to a stop. We'd reached them, their stench was oozing toward us.
I had to edge out from around the guys and we all ended up lining up on both sides of Sam. A natural order for us when facing a threat. One sweet voice from the clearing warned, "Prepare yourselves—they've been holding out on us."
Sweet? Jared questioned as we edged forward.
The big one muttered something of no importance and I marked him as my target if all hell broke loose. After him, I spotted a tiny one next to a tall, lean blonde one with a smirk on his face as he examined us. Another blonde one stepped closer to the big one, protective of him in her stance. Alice and Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett. Esme and Carlisle were more off to the side, stuck together. All our memories filled in the blanks, explaining who each one was.
"The pack has grown," the voice spoke again, calling my attention like someone had struck a gong.
Leah, what are you doing? Get a grip, Sam thought, though he didn't sound angry. He sounded concerned, nervous, his thought travelling quick.
"Fascinating."
Carlisle stepped forward and I finally spotted Bella, standing beside—
Leah!?
What's happening to Leah?
Leah! Are you ok?
Sam, help her! They did something!
Leah, please! Answer us!
Leah? Leah? Sam called to me before all their voices disappeared.
Edward.
A/N: I hope you liked this chapter! I know it's long, but I wanted to really assert how Leah thinks and feels things. This is my first fanfiction, so please don't be too harsh on me and don't be afraid to leave constructive criticism. I know I'm not the only person who's thought of Leah and Edward together, but I really wanted to give my own take on it. Please, leave comments if you enjoyed!
