* ~ Dramatis personae ~ *

Stanford 'Ford' Pines, Dungeon Master: Paranormal researcher and ex-dimensional hopper. A perfect example of a High INT, Low WIS kind of person. Still thinks trench coats and turtleneck sweaters are the height of fashion. That's what happens when you cross the aesthetics of a high school science teacher with those of a sci-fi action hero.

Stanley 'Stan' Pines, human fighter/rogue: Ford's twin brother. A proud con man who's not as charming as he thinks he is. Lives to mercilessly troll his brother. Has a heart of gold hidden… somewhere, we guess. Tends to adopt children without really meaning to.

Mason 'Dipper' Pines, half-elf wizard: Ford and Stan's great-nephew and Mabel's twin brother. A squishy, anxious thirteen-year-old who's more reasonable than the rest of the family put together. Which doesn't mean a lot, really. Will fight you if you ask for it. He might even win.

Mabel Pines, half-elf bard: Ford and Stan's great-niece and Dipper's twin sister. A force of chaos and destruction, wrapped in handmade sweaters all the colours of the rainbow. Is sustained by glitter and corny 80s songs. Wants to pet all the cute critters. All of them.

Jesús 'Soos' Ramirez, half-orc cleric: Stan's ex-employee/kind-of-adopted son. The untoasted marshmallow to Stan's toasted marshmallow. The nicest person you'll ever meet. Might be a perfect human being. Who knows? There are folk songs about his great deeds.

Wendy Corduroy, tiefling barbarian: Stan's ex-employee/kind-of-adopted daughter. A teen who enjoys being a troublemaker when she's not lazing around. The coolest person you'll ever meet. That's not hyperbole, she spent her childhood training for the Apocalypse.

Fiddleford 'Fidds' McGucket, gnome artificer: Ford's best friend/kind-of boyfriend? (it's still really unclear). An adorable old bean whose pastimes include playing the banjo and making giant homicidal robots. Or at least, vaguely threatening robots. He's getting better, you guys.


The living room bustled in lively chaos as Ford's family prepared for their first tabletop roleplaying session.

It wasn't the first time Ford had seen the place in such a state; more often than not, it was the children's place of predilection whenever they were planning another of their schemes. Still, Ford was heartened to see them so eager to participate in his silly little campaign. He'd expected them to be overwhelmed by the ludicrous number of sheets, graphs and rulebooks scattered all over every available surface. The fact that they hadn't run away was a testament to their willingness to learn.

Out of his six players, only two had played a role-playing game before. Admittedly, Fidds was a bit rusty, having played his last campaign in the 70s, back when he and Ford were in college. Ford himself needed a bit of an adjustment to understand the rules of this new and supposedly more user-friendly edition.

Thankfully, Dipper almost knew the content of the playbook by heart. Ford's nephew seemed all too excited to be the one teaching his uncle, for once. The boy had gained more confidence as of late, but he was still prone to self-deprecation. Anything that could boost his self-esteem a bit more was a step in the right direction, in Ford's honest opinion.

Dipper was giving the others a last-minute crash course when Ford left the living room, heading to the kitchen to fetch himself some coffee. As he made his way back, precious beverage in hand, Ford stopped by the mirror in the entrance hall. Inspecting his reflection, he took great care to adjust hisas his dearest niece had put itDungeon Master's attire.

For his birthday back in June, Mabel had given Ford a beautiful handmade sweater bearing a golden twenty-sided die. To complete his ensemble, she had also made him a cape. The garment had quickly become one of his most prized possessions. Ford loved the damned thing so much he had taken to wearing it everywhere, including on grocery runs.

At first, Stan had refused to be seen in public with him… but that was before Ford had caught him trying to hide shoplifted items in the pockets Mabel had sown on the inside of the cape. It had nearly ended in a fistfight in the middle of the canned soup aisle. They had stopped before any blood could be spilled; after all, they could not risk ruining Mabel's beautiful creation.

Ford put on the hood of his cape, admiring the result. Perhaps anyone would have found it silly to see a grey-haired fellow looking like an extra in a low-budget fantasy movie, but Ford didn't rightly care. Puffing out his chest, he entered the living room, coffee mug in hand.

Only Dipper seemed to regard his arrival with some interest. The boy's sheets were stacked in a little pile by his dice tray, and his pens were neatly lined up, arranged by colour and type. Mabel was not so carefully organized; she was doodling in the margin of her character sheet with crayons, humming a cheerful tune.

Soos was talking to Fiddleford, making animated gestures as he raved about some new 'a-ni-may' show, whatever it was. Fidds plucked on his banjo and nodded once in a while, blue eyes twinkling with amusement. As always, Mabel had braided his long white beard to make him look like a 'Viking Flower Power Warrior', which was… no, Ford wouldn't even ask. It was Mabel, there was no other explanation needed.

Both Stan and Wendy were lounging in their chairs, not even deigning to give Ford a glance. Wendy kept fiddling on that horrid portable phone device of hers. Stan was drinking from a can - was it soda? Or beer? He was always careful to cut on his vices whenever the children were present, but sometimes Ford's brother slipped up and indulged in a sin or two.

Mabel lifted her gaze, finally catching sight of Ford. Her face broke into a wide smile. "Look, everyone! It's the man of the hour!" She deepened her voice, feigning seriousness as she added, "Here he is, wearing a Mabel Pines original. Please note the craftsmanship and the hours of toil put into this piece, and how it enhances the aura of nerdiness exhibited by the subject." Her solemn countenance broke, and it was with a grin that she added, "C'mon! Strike a pose, strut your stuff!"

Ford wasn't sure what she wanted, exactly, but he tilted his head forward and held his hand aloft, as if ready to cast a spell. Stan snorted, and it was evident he was on the verge of laughter. Mabel swatted the back of his head with her stack of papers.

Shaking his head, Ford sat down. "You're just jealous, Stanley."

"Pff," said Stan. "Yeah, right!"

"I think he looks cool! More than usual, even!" Soos said. Then, he stuttered, "N-No offence, Mr. Pines, it's not that I don't find you as cool as Dr. Pines, but…"

"S'okay," said Stan. "'m used to daggers in the back."

"Right," said Ford, observing each of the faces staring back at him. The twins, Fidds and Soos seemed eager and excited… Stan and Wendy, not so much. "So, are you all ready?"

He was met with enthusiastic cheers from the children and Fidds, and a lazy "Wooo," from Stan and Wendy, complete with half-hearted punches in the air.

"Alright," said Ford. "So here how it starts: the six of you are sharing a meal at the local inn. The place is bustling with activity and—"