In Charge
Chapter 7 – Suddenly
By Threshie
AN: In which I introduce another familiar face.
Trivia: Chapter 6's title referred, of course, to Matt feeling protective of Near. It also applies to Near's realization that Matt is being defensive of him (he was kind of surprised, LOL.)
Disclaimer: Death Note belongs to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.
The silence was so heavy that Matt could feel it crushing him a little at a time. "Fatal"...the word rang in his ears even after Mikami had left the room saying that he would bring a doctor to examine Near. He could die. That was all that Matt could think of every time he looked at Near. He could die.
The white-haired boy lay there quietly, holding the dinosaur, which he had picked up from the table as soon as Mikami had left, in both hands.
"Near," Matt began, unsure what he even planned to say. H-he could die! His mind screamed, but he ignored it.
Near glanced at him, dark eyes solemn. There was still that sharp intelligence behind them, but by now weariness was beginning to show, too.
"Yes?"
"Y-you...do you believe him?" Matt asked, sitting down in the chair beside the bed. "About you...th-that maybe you could..." As eager as his mind was to repeat the word, he just couldn't bring himself to say "die" aloud. He trailed off instead, looking down at his hands, which were tightly grasped together and resting on his knees.
Near sighed, returning his gaze to the dinosaur.
"...No." He frowned faintly, "But, I am not sure if that's because I don't trust Mr. Mikami, or because I don't believe the diagnosis." He paused, then added carefully, "I...think that it would be foolish...if I refused to be treated and possibly neglected a serious condition. Don't you, Matt?"
H-he's asking my opinion? Matt swallowed hard, brows furrowing unhappily. That's right...I'm the one in charge. I'm so used to treating him like he's higher "rank" than me, I-I forgot he's looking at me for what to do in this situation. This...what do I do?
"Y-yeah, I guess so," he answered softly, glancing up at the white-haired boy. Near looked unhappy...not the usual tiny hint of an expression, but an actual frown. I wonder what's going through his head right now... He wondered how he would react if someone had just told him that he might die.
Matt looked pale. Near wasn't sure what to say to make him feel better—he wasn't good at that kind of thing—but it was obvious that the redhead was taking the grim diagnosis from Mikami harder than Near himself was. An infection of the abdomen...surgery to remedy that is probably major. I wonder what the mortality rate is... He frowned at his dinosaur, debating with himself on what to do.
If the mortality rate of the surgery is higher than the mortality rate of this condition, I might refuse to let them operate on me...however, that isn't likely. I am almost certain that a serious infection is more likely to kill me than surgery... He sighed softly, petting the dinosaur's head. Playing with toys was an absent-minded habit; he did it while thinking, to keep his hands busy, or to demonstrate points that he wanted to make to others. The dinosaur seemed to be particularly comforting, though...he liked it better than the army men. Maybe it was because the dinosaur was big enough to hold with both hands, and to hug.
Nobody ever hugged Near, so hugging the dinosaur would have to do. He certainly felt like he needed a hug right now...
I don't want to die, of course, he glanced at poor Matt, who was looking like he might cry, But if I am not calm right now, Matt might think that the situation is worse than it is. I am always calm...if I start acting uncharacteristically, he'll notice immediately...
"Matt," he said softly, wrapping his arms around the dinosaur and hugging it gently to his chest.
"Yeah?" The redhead answered immediately, looking at him with sad blue eyes. He had been too startled by Mikami's diagnosis to remember to put the goggles back on; they sat where he'd left them on the bedside table awhile ago.
Near chose his words carefully, hoping that he was saying the right thing...
"I...will probably be all right. He only said that it could be fatal if they don't operate on me." He met Matt's eyes, hoping that he understood. Don't worry so much. It doesn't help anything...and, if you act so worried any more, I might... He let the thought trail off; he wasn't sure what he would have added onto the end, anyway. What? That I might let him see that I am actually scared?
Matt blinked.
Is...he trying to make me feel better?
He nodded, looking back down at his hands again. ...I must look like I'm freaking out, for him to say something like that...dammit. He couldn't afford to let Near see him in such a state...he was supposed to be the strong one right now. He was supposed to take charge of the situation, know the right things to do, and take care of Near.
L would know what to do... He thought, realizing abruptly how the great detective must feel when he, Mello and Near looked to him for the right answers every time they asked him anything. L wouldn't just know the right answer, he'd know it on the first try.What...what was he thinking, leaving in charge? Not that there's anybody else around to do it instead, but--
He jumped at the sound of the door opening, cutting off his own thought abruptly. Glancing behind him, he saw that Mikami was back with a serious-looking blonde woman in tow.
"Mr. Kennedy, this is Dr. Lidner," the nurse said stiffly, gesturing to the woman. Dr. Lidner had flat-cut, layered bangs, red lipstick and long, dark eyelashes. She was very pretty, and looked much younger than Matt expected a doctor to look.
"Hello, Mr. Kennedy," she said, coming over to see what her patient looked like. "This must be the other Mr. Kennedy." She smiled warmly, "May I call you by your first name, sir?"
Near looked at the doctor, blinking. He felt none of the suspiciousness that he felt whenever he looked at Mikami; Dr. Lidner seemed more trustworthy even to his intuition.
"It's Near," he replied softly, turning back to his dinosaur with a little frown. "And yes, you may." Mr. Mikami never even bothered to ask my name. Hm.
"Good," the blonde smiled again, turning to Matt. "You must be Matt. You're listed as his brother on the paperwork, but I must say that you two don't look at all alike..."
"We're adopted," Matt answered uneasily, looking up at her. "Doc...the nurse said Near could..." He paused, then looked down at his hands, saying faintly, "D-die. H-how...likely is it? What's the probability?" Near didn't look up, but was surprised again at how upset the redhead sounded. He is more upset about this than I am...and Mr. Mikami only said that it "could" be fatal. Matt seems to be thinking of it as a definite outcome already. If he was definitely going to die, he would be acting a little more upset, himself. As it seemed, there wasn't any point in wasting his limited energy by worrying.
Dr. Lidner glanced over her shoulder at Mikami, arching a fair brow. "Mikami, are you scaring these kids without any definite diagnosis? That isn't very kind." The nurse stiffened at her words, but didn't offer any kind of reply.
She sighed, turning back to Matt. "Before you start worrying about such grim things, let's see if he even has perotinitis in the first place. Mikami seems sure, but I always see for myself before I make any orders for surgery."
"Okay," Matt nodded; it sounded reasonable. He didn't want Near going to any surgery that he might not actually need, certainly... Figuring that the doctor would need to be next to Near, he stood and offfered her the chair.
"Thank you," Dr. Lidner said, seating herself. "Near, Mikami told me that he tested your temperature and did several other tests. I am going to repeat some of them again to be sure of my diagnosis, so this will be a bit redundant I'm afraid."
"W-wait!" Matt froze—had he just said that out loud? Dammit! He shrunk a bit, as everybody turned to look at him, and stammered uneasily, "Y-you won't have to do a..." He glanced at Mikami, frowning a bit, "Rebound tenderness test again, will you?" Please don't say you have to hurt him again to figure this out...
He looked at Near, wondering if the white-haired boy was thinking the same thing. Near looked back, watching him with understanding in his eyes. You know why I'm doing this...right?
"Yes," the blonde said, looking a bit surprised. "Yes, I will have to do one of those. Is that a problem?"
"Do you have to?" Matt asked, avoiding Near's eyes in favor of his own hands as he added more quietly, "I-it hurts him...the nurse already found that out, so why do it again?" Come on...he's tired and he's already had a really lousy day.
He didn't add to his thoughts that Near seemed too fragile to take much more poking and prodding to him. If he'd stopped to consider this last thought, he would have realized that Near always looked fragile...it was just more obvious when he in a hospital bed.
"It's all right, Matt," Near spoke up, turning and placing the dinosaur carefully onto the bedside table again. Glancing sidelong at the redhead, he said pointedly, "I am sure that Dr. Lidner knows what she is doing." I am almost certain that Mikami didn't do it right. Even if it does hurt as much this time as it did before, it's necessary to determine if I need surgery, so...there really isn't anything to debate here.
Matt just didn't want to see him in pain again, he knew. His reaction when Mikami had done the test earlier had surprised Near; he didn't consider Matt to be very close to him, and had thought that the redhead thought of him the same way. Perhaps I don't even know the people who are close to me very well...I'm not good with people in general.
He sighed, listening as Matt unhappily told Dr. Lidner to go ahead with the tests. He seemed to be respecting Near's volunteering to undergo them, but looked sad that he had to. I wonder if he considers himself responsible for my condition? He isn't...being in charge doesn't make my health problems his fault. Besides, he only ended up in charge in the first place because I collapsed.
"All right," Dr. Lidner was talking to him, he realized. He looked up at her, the usual even stare, and waited for her to tell him what to do. "First let's just test your temperature."
Near grumbled inwardly as a very familiar thermometer was stuck into his mouth, and shot Matt a tired look. I wish that we could just go home...or that L was here. He frowned to himself, Actually, I don't wish that L was here—if he was here, he would be wasting his time like Matt is, caring for me instead of working on whatever important case he has. That would make me a burden...and I never want to burden L.
Matt he couldn't really help burdening at the moment.
He couldn't talk around the thermometer to tell Dr. Lidner, but he was suddenly feeling very tired...and heavy. He lay back on his pillow, closing his eyes, and hoped that they did whatever they were going to do soon so that he could hurry up and recover, and go home again.
Matt suddenly felt useless. The doctor's taking care of Near...Mikami's hanging around to get things for her. All I can do to help is to bring him toys, he thought glumly, watching the white-haired boy close his eyes, small hands crumpling the edge of his blanket again. If Near had looked ashen when Mikami commented on it, he was even more so now—his cheeks had no color to them, and he looked exhausted. The time that Mikami had spent with his little tests had been time that Near would have otherwise spent sleeping, recovering...
Beeping told him that the thermometer had finished its test. He didn't try to look at it this time; he hadn't expected Mikami to tell him Near's temperature, but Dr. Lidner seemed like the type who might.
"Hmm...you definitely have a fever," the doctor said, examining the little readout screen; Matt watched her out of the corner of his eye. "105.1 degrees! I'd imagine that you're feeling pretty tired right now, Near—am I right?"
"Yes..." The white-haired boy murmured without opening his eyes; his voice was soft and flat. He sounds like he's half-asleep, Matt thought, turning his attention back to watching him. He hoped that Near was too sleepy to feel the effects of the rebound test as much as he had when Mikami had done it.
"I'm sorry, but you can't sleep right now," Dr. Lidner said, shattering those hopes very quickly. She patted Near's shoulder, "Please wake up, Near. I need you to sit up for me."
"I am not asleep," the white-haired boy said flatly, opening his eyes and looking up at her dully. "If you are going to ask me to cough, Dr. Lidner, I can already tell you that nothing happened when I did before."
The doctor blinked, looking surprised at how frankly her patient was speaking. He's been pretty quiet and polite since she came in, Matt thought, smiling faintly despite himself, So she's just now figuring out how confident he actually is. I guess maybe he looks like the kind of person who would be scared in this kind of situation... He felt the heaviness of worry sinking back down onto his shoulders, as his own thought had just reminded him again that Near was in a pretty serious situation.
If Mikami was right, anyway—maybe Dr. Lidner would find that he had messed up one of the tests. Matt really, really hoped that Mikami had just made some stupid mistake...he wouldn't even be mad at the grumpy man for it, although he couldn't entirely let go of the fact that he had hurt Near before.
Maybe he's wrong, though, he reassured himself, watching Near and Dr. Lidner apparently having a stare-down. Maybe.
"I know that you've just done this, Near," Dr. Lidner said, with more patience in her voice than on her face, "But as I've explained, I need to do the tests over again. It will only take you a moment to cough for me—could you please?"
I have to sit up to do that, Near thought pointedly, staring the doctor right in the eye; neither of them had blinked since they started talking about the stupid coughing test. Near usually would have been more reasonable...even he could tell that he wasn't acting quite right. Getting up and doing the test would be the reasonable thing to do...so why do I feel like just ignoring her?
He felt exhausted, and if there was suddenly no one in the room except for him and Matt, he wouldn't have minded in the least.
"Dr Lidner," he spoke softly, breaking the stare-down at last to close his eyes, "I...am very tired. I s-suppose...that is a bad sign..."
"Not at all," the blonde's voice sounded a bit gentler now; it reminded him of how Matt's demeanor changed entirely when he had heard Mikami's diagnosis.Poor Matt...if I do die, he will blame himself...
Now where had that grim thought come from?
"It's normal to be tired after going through surgery," Dr. Lidner was saying from somewhere off to his left. "You can sleep soon, but first I have to finish these tests. Please help me finish them quickly by doing what I ask you to, okay?"
Near didn't want to do any more tests.
He didn't even want to move, or to reply.
...But I have to, or I might die. That would be foolish...to die from being stubborn. It sounds like something that Mello would do, not me.
Mustering up what energy he had left, the white-haired boy very slowly pulled himself into a sitting position, staring down at the blanket heavily.
"All right," he said, "Quickly."
Nodding, Dr. Lidner said gently, "Thank you. Now, please cough for me."
Glumly, Near complied. Thankfully Dr. Lidner paid more attention than Mikami did, and he only had to do it once this time around. The woman watched him bemusedly for a long moment, then said, "All right, you can lay back down now if you like..."
Gratefully, Near sank back into the pillow, wincing as he not-so-carefully folded his hands across his stomach and ended up tugging on one of the IV needles. How could I end up in such a state in only three days...? He wondered wearily, turning his head to look at the doctor. He didn't have the energy to maintain his usual intense stare, and now his dark eyes were half-lidded. He imagined that he must look drugged...not that it mattered. With the IVs in his wrists, he probably was drugged...
"Do the rebound test, please," he prodded Dr. Lidner, who was examining the notes she'd been scribbling onto her clipboard with a thoughtful frown. "Quickly, please, I...I don't feel well." Just let me sleep...
Near was looking so small and pale that Matt felt like yelling at the doctor for bothering him any more, even though he knew that she was just trying to help. I can't help it...I don't know what's wrong with me, he thought, watching with apprehension as Dr. Lidner slowly pressed a hand to Near's stomach and then gently moved it away. The white-haired boy didn't seem to be in pain...he was staring tiredly off into nowhere, though, eyes half-closed. He looks so pale...I-I hope the doctor really does know what she's doing...
Dr. Lidner pressed on the white-haired boy's stomach again, just as slowly and gently as before, but pulled her hand away quickly this time. Matt was bracing himself for watching Near wincing and gasping in pain again, but...he didn't move.
"That's interesting," Dr. Lidner said, surprised. "Near, did that hurt at...Near?" She leaned down, looking at the white-haired boy's face in concern, then quickly pressed two fingers to his neck.
Something was wrong.
Is she testing for a pulse?! Matt was beside the bed in seconds, leaning over and shaking Near's shoulder more roughly than he should have. He wasn't really thinking, though.
No response; the smaller boy's head lulled to one side, eyes half-lidded and dull.
Is he...?!
"H-hey, Near!," Matt shook him harder, "W-wake up! You're s-scaring us," he said; his voice sounded faint to his own ears, the sudden pounding of his heart almost drowning it out. Dr. Lidner was talking to him, but he couldn't hear what she was saying over the pounding, the pounding and that damned word that repeated over and over in his mind, chanting.
Dead, dead...he's dead...!
--End Chapter 7
AN: (Sweatdrop) Yes, I'm mean and it's a cliffhanger. Sorry...I don't like to make my chapters much longer than this, and nowhere else seemed like a reasonable place to cut to chapter 8. (Arguably it's not very reasonable to cut it here, either, but...meh. I also like dramatic, angsty death scenes, so I ended this way on purpose, too. LOL.)
Okay, so Gevanni and Rester got to be in this fic and Lidner is one of my favorite female characters in Death Note; I had to add her in somewhere, and I thought it might be cute to see her interact with Near in an AU setting where she doesn't work for him. ) Hopefully I characterized her okay...she seems like the type who is serious and professional, cool-headed but not perfectly calm like Near usually is.
I decided that, if she'd never met Near before, she would probably try to talk to and interact with him more gently since he looks much younger than he actually is and she doesn't have any impression of him being an authority figure in this incarnation. She really does think of him as a kid in this story. :)
I like to sneak trivia things into this fic. The line "Just let me sleep", for example, is a quote of Vincent Valentine from Final Fantasy VII. Hehe. Also, did anybody catch the reference to Near's room being number 128? That's right—he and Light meet on 1/28, January 28, for their final showdown.
Wow, what a long AN...I'm leaving now, see you next chapter.
-Threshie
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In Charge Akugi! Volume 7
Akugi #25
Narrator: The silence was so heavy that Matt could feel it crushing him a little at a time.
Matt: (Looks a lot shorter and flatter suddenly) G-gack....somebody say something...!
Near: (Plays with dinosaur; doesn't notice.) "..."
Akugi #26
Narrator: Nobody ever hugged Near, so hugging the dinosaur would have to do.
Near: (Hugs dinosaur tight) "...." (Snuggles)
Matt: ^_^ He really seems to like that dinosaur.
Near: (Hugs dinosaur repeatedly) Can't he take a hint?! This dinosaur can't hug me back!
Akugi #27
Matt: L would know what to do...
L: (After making a big show of carefully thinking about it) "Let the doctors take care of it." (Nod-nod)
Matt: "...I could've done that!"
L: (Smile) "Sometimes the simple choice is the best one, Matt."
Akugi #28
Lidner: "That's interesting. Near, did that hurt at--"
Near: "Yes! Why didn't Mr. Mikami just bring you in to do the tests the first time?!" (Pokes her in the stomach with the dinosaur's tail) "It feels like that! Oh, I had better do that again, just to be sure!" (Jab-poke-prod)
Lidner: (sweatdrop) "..."
Matt: And he wonders why people mistake him for a little kid.
