In Charge
Chapter 13 – The Last Word
By Threshie
AN: Lucky chapter 13 already...wow, this fic's getting long. It doesn't help that the chapter are getting super-long lately...I think 11 pages (e.g. chapter 12) is a little too long, so I'll try and keep them shorter than that from now on.
Now that the holiday season is upon us, my fic-writing time will be a bit more limited, but I'm not abandoning "In Charge", so hang in there with me! I'll also be spending some of my time making holiday-themed fanart; keep an eye on my DeviantArt gallery (linked in my profile here on FFN) for those to appear. If you've ever wondered what Matt or Near would look like in realistic 3D, check out my latest DA posts—I've posted about ten 3D pics of Matt and Near there recently. :)
Anyway, let's get back to the fic, shall we?
Trivia: The source of Chapter 12's title is that Mello, Matt and Near all have friendship on their minds during the chapter, and also that Matt asks Near if he wants to be friends at the end. Finally, the title refers to Near's decision to, for Matt's sake, not become friends with him. Near doesn't know it yet, but that choice—made for Matt's sake and going against his own wishes---is something a friend would do...so he might be Matt's friend already. :)
Disclaimer: Death Note belongs to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.
"Hold up," Matt sighed, stopping. Turning, he looked at Near, who had leaned on the wall as soon as they stopped, and asked, "Are you gonna make it?"
The white-haired boy frowned, wobbling slightly.
"....Maybe." That's stubborn person talk for "no way, but I'll kill myself trying," Matt thought, sweatdropping. So Near and Mello do have some personality traits in common... Stopping and talking to Mikami and then to those interns must have taxed Near's energy too much for him to last the whole walk. They hadn't even made it halfway back to the room yet... Going up and down the whole hallway on the first day was pretty ambitious, anyway. I don't want him to hurt himself...
Kneeling next to Near, he peered back over his shoulder and told the smaller boy, "Climb on, I'll carry you back."
Near looked at him quietly, dark eyes unreadable. He seemed surprised but too tired to express it. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, though...since apparently I don't know him as well as I thought I did.
The redhead looked down at the floor, biting his lip. He had really thought that he and Near could be friends. He'd hoped that they would. Just another example of how stupid I can be sometimes, I guess...
He felt small arms being slipped carefully around his neck, then someone leaning against his back; after considering for a long moment, Near had apparently decided to accept the fact that he couldn't walk back on his own. Standing, Matt easily carried the smaller boy on his back as he started down the hallway again.
"Thank you, Matt..." Near murmured tiredly from next to his ear.
"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll be able to walk the whole thing tomorrow," Matt told his new burden (who was so light that he wasn't much of a burden at all) as cheerfully as he could.
He tried not to sound as hurt as he felt.
Ever since Near had matter-of-factly pointed out that they weren't compatible for friendship, there had been an aching feeling in his chest. Okay, "ache" wasn't the right word...it felt more like someone had kicked him in the stomach. It was strong enough that he actually felt a little sick.
It had taken a lot of courage to ask straight-out if Near would be his friend, and after assuring himself that things would turn out okay if he did the brave thing and asked, the opposite had happened. Mustering up all of that courage had only left him feeling bad about himself in the end... I guess I set myself up for this; what did I expect to happen? Did I really think somebody as brilliant as Near could want me for a friend?
Being rejected had hurt—still hurt—but he couldn't really blame Near for doing so. He just wasn't good enough. There wasn't anything else to say about it. He wasn't anything special, especially when compared against people like Near and Mello...and L. I'm boring, and I'm number three without counting L. I'm not even sure why Mello's my friend...it's not like I'm smart enough to be on his level...
He shook his head slightly, trying to dismiss the thoughts. There's no point in getting depressed about something you can't change...you'll just make yourself cry or something stupid like that, and then Near will feel like it's his fault you're boring...like it's his fault he's special...and brilliant... Dammit...do I have to be a genius just to be his friend? Isn't doing my best good enough for anybody...?
Near hugged around Matt's neck, resting his cheek against the taller boy's red hair. The hallway looked different from such a high vantage point, but he was too tired to really pay it much attention. His arms and legs felt heavy. Maybe his heart was part of the weight... I wish that Matt didn't want to be my friend. That would make pretending to not want to be his friend much easier.
This guilty feeling hadn't really hit him until Matt had offered to carry him. Now, snuggled up against the taller boy's back with the gentle swaying motion of walking rocking him slowly back and forth, he closed his eyes and sighed. He isn't treating me any differently. Even after I was cold to him...he is still caring for me like he did before. He really is kind...
If only he wasn't so kind...being treated nicely only made Near feel worse about what he had had to say before. If Matt had been cold in return, he would have known how to deal with that...but, though he was definitely quieter than before, Matt seemed just as concerned with the smaller boy's well-being. It only made Near admire him more for being such a genuine kind of person.
This is terrible, he thought glumly. Everything that he does only makes me want to befriend him more, but I have to be cold to him. I can't even be kind to him in return, or he might think that I am reconsidering what I said before...
I wish that I didn't want to his friend so much. For the first time in his life, someone wanted to be friends with him, and he had to reject that friendship. It was depressing...
The piggyback ride, as his sleepy, unhappy mind vaguely noted that it was called, seemed to last for a long time. Matt said nothing, only walked along without pausing for the frequent "aww"s or "Is he okay?"s that other people in the hallway exclaimed upon sighting Near being carried like that.
Matt was warm, and being snuggled up close to him on top of being tired made Near sleepy. His troubled thoughts sank into blackness, friendship and all of its tangled intricacies blurring together into confusing dreams.
If I pursue my own happiness...I will ruin everyone else's. Why...?
"Hello...?" Mello twitched at the usual calm way of answering the phone.
"L! What's going on—why are you so late getting back?" He demanded, irritated. Here I'm thinking you got hit by the riots that kept me from coming back here for almost a week, and you sound perfectly fine!
The case that they had been working on together wasn't related to the cause, but the town he and L had been staying in was having issues with civil unrest. There had been violent rioting in the streets for days over some factory being closed and laying off hundreds of workers. I thought it died down the day before I left, though....unless the idiots started up again?
"Mello, hello..." L sounded unfazed by his irritated tone, but not in the usual way; he seemed tired. "I'm sorry I am so late...I'm......."
Mello glared at the semi truck that was rumbling by on the road beside him, drowning out whatever L had been saying.
"What?" He sighed, irritation giving in to exasperation. He's okay, wherever he is, at least...
"I said that I am on the train on my way back," L said curiously. "Mello...where are you calling from? It's awfully noisy, wherever it is..."
"I just pulled over on the side of the road," the blonde explained, glancing at the traffic that streamed by dubiously. "Look...I just called to make sure you're okay. You're days late, and you didn't call or anything."
I wonder what L will think of Matt and Near being friends... The thought of that drained the enthusiasm out of him. All he could think of when he thought of Matt now was Matt laughing and joking and hanging out with Near and him being the one who was left out. If Near even knows how to laugh or joke...
"Yes, well...there were a few complications with the case," L said tiredly, "Namely, the detective—you remember him, Mr. Matsuda?--he didn't think that he could handle the case without me there. I had to practically hand him the solution before he would let me leave..." He sighed. "I'm sorry that I didn't call and let you all know why I'm late; he is a very clingy kind of person. How is Near?"
Feeling a twinge of anger at the mention of the smaller boy's name, Mello answered shortly, "Better." He's well enough to steal my best friend—he'll be fine. Unless I do something to him, that is... Much as he felt like he wanted to, he knew that hurting Near wouldn't help anything. If he did, L would be angry, Matt would be angry...he would be angry with himself. I could beat him in a fight without even trying... No, doing that would only make the ""bad" feeling return in force...
"I see..." L seemed to be analyzing his reaction; he sounded thoughtful. "And Matt? He sounded very tired the last time he called me."
"I made him get some sleep," the blonde sighed, "He was so busy taking care of Near that he really wore himself out. He's at the hospital with Near right now." I wonder if they talk about me when I'm not there...
"I'm glad," the detective murmured; he sounded like he was smiling. "I knew that you would take care of everyone well, Mello. I'll be back in an hour or two at the most, I promise."
"Okay," Mello answered shortly, "See you then."
"Goodbye..."
Closing the phone, the blonde sat and looked at it unhappily. L's not worried because he trusts me to take care of Matt and Near until he gets back...and here I am, miles away from the hospital. They could have left and I wouldn't know it! He gritted his teeth, shoving the phone into his pocket and starting the motorcycle's engine.
Roaring back onto the highway, the blonde told himself again that L was almost back. Once L was back, everything would go back to how it had been before. Just got to hang in there for a little longer...I can tolerate this until he gets back. I think...
Matt pushed the door to room 128 open with his boot, both hands occupied with carrying Near. Except for the quiet "thank you", the white-haired boy had been silent since Matt had picked him up. I can't tell if he's bothered by our conversation or just tired. With the matter-of-fact way that he'd replied, it probably didn't bother Near too much to talk about friendship and not wanting it...
The redhead frowned unhappily, swiping the door closed with his leg, and turned to go place Near on the bed. He stopped in his tracks, though, when he saw Mikami standing beside the bed.
"Hi," he said warily, glancing at the tall man and making for the bed at a slower pace than before. What's he doing here? He's not doing any nurse-type busy work, no remaking the bed or changing the IV bags or anything... It looked more like Mikami had been waiting for them to get back.
"Hello," Mikami replied calmly, eyes drifting from Matt's face to the sleeping white-haired boy on his back. "...How is our patient doing? Not well, from the looks of it."
Funny, you don't sound in the least bit concerned.
Matt frowned, "He's just tired from walking." Something wasn't right...Mikami wasn't apologetic anymore. That strange, suspicious feeling that the redhead had felt when he first met the nurse was back in force. What, is he mad that we ignored him and left earlier? He wasn't exactly making the conversation with him enjoyable...
Speaking of conversations...
"Why are you here?" Matt asked pointedly; there was no way to put it that wasn't blunt, and he probably wouldn't have gone for subtlety if he could have. I don't like this guy—what does he want with us anyway?
"I need to speak with the patient," the nurse said evenly, glancing at Near again. "It looks like that will require waking him up first, though."
So that's why he's been so quiet...makes sense, I guess.
"He's exhausted—whatever you have to say can wait," Matt frowned, pausing beside the bed and glancing down at it. Crap...if he's asleep, I can't sit him down without help! He glanced at Mikami, whose slanted eyes turned to his at the same moment. The nurse smiled. It wasn't a comforting or friendly expression—he looked more smug than anything.
"I don't suppose you need some help there, Mr. Kennedy?"
"Not from you, I don't," Matt frowned at him. "After last time, I'd rather you didn't touch Near at all."
Mikami seemed to twitch slightly at that response.
"How many times do I have to tell you that the test was supposed to hurt?" He asked bitterly, frowning at Near.
"I don't know, something about deliberately hurting the patient seems a little odd to me," Matt answered sarcastically, wondering if he could sit Near down without waking him up. "Besides, there had to have been a way to do it that didn't hurt that much." Maybe if I sat on the edge of the bed and let him fall back onto it...no, that might hurt his stitches. Dammit...Mikami's starting to really grate on my nerves...
Crossing his arms, the nurse adjusted his glasses and said coldly, "You aren't a medical professional, so your opinion isn't important. I was only doing my job."
Ugh, the "I was just doing my job" routine...
Turning to face Mikami, he pointed out darkly, "You know the real reason I won't let you touch him? 'Cause last time he was starting to get better, you came in and 'tested' him and he almost died!"
"H...how dare you! You said yourself that that wasn't my fault!" Near was awakened by a familiar and angry voice. Mikami...? He blinked, realizing that he was still being carried on Matt's back. How long...have I been asleep? Has he really been standing here holding me the whole time? He peered around the top of Matt's head at Mikami, who looked furious.
"He had enough to worry about without you and your stupid tests, though," Matt shot back, quite loudly since he was so close to Near. They...are arguing about me, the white-haired boy assessed sleepily, frowning and sinking down to hide his face in Matt's hair. He felt just as exhausted as he had before his nap...obviously he hadn't been asleep for long.
Not wanting to try and match the volume of the other two people in the room, Near patted Matt's shoulder to try and get his attention instead.
"Near!" The redhead abruptly ceased his side of the argument. "Crap, I'm sorry—didn't mean to wake you up." He sounded relieved, for some reason... Blinking, Near glanced at Mikami over the top of Matt's head again. How long have they been arguing?
"Mr. Mikami helped," he pointed out tiredly. "Why are you two shouting about things that have already been settled, anyway?"
"Uh...ehehe...." Matt turned and placed his carefully onto the bed, mumbling something about "tests" and "creeps", but didn't offer any actual reply. Sitting up, he nodded at Mikami unhappily, "He said he wants to talk to you about something."
"Oh?" Near glanced at Mikami, who has his arms crossed and was watching Matt intently. About what they were arguing about? Wonderful...I thought that we were finished discussing this. "Mr. Mikami, I don't really have the energy to deal with you right now," he sighed, twisting a lock of his hair and reaching for the dinosaur, which had been lying on the bed where he left it. "Please just say what you came to say and be done with it."
"All right," the nurse said calmly, reaching into his pocket. Out of the corner of his eye, Near saw him raise his hand, but it was over before he even realized what Mikami was doing.
There was no bang, barely any sound at all, but Matt was crumpling to the floor, crimson blooming starkly across the chest of his shirt.
"Delete."
--End Chapter 13
AN: (Shrinks in anticipation of readers killing her for those last few sentences) Um...please bear in mind that stories always have their darkest parts right before things get better! (Sweatdrop) That's all I can really say...except that, lest you get mad and there are dire consequences, I'll spoil this one fact: Matt isn't dead. ^^; Hang in there, the fic's boiling down to its last few chapters... I guess chapter 13 wasn't so lucky after all.
Next chapter introduces the world's greatest detective. :) It's going to be my first time writing him into an actual fanfic scene as opposed to script-format roleplays, so... (Crosses fingers) Let's hope my portrayal of him turns out acceptable, like my portrayal of Mello did. Ehehe.
In Charge Akugi! Volume 13
Akugi #49
Matt: "Climb on, I'll carry you back."
Near: u.u "I refuse."
Matt: "Okaaay...just trying to help..."
Near: ; "...But if I am up on your back, I would be so tall that my head would hit the ceiling, wouldn't it?"
Matt: (Sweatdrop) Words from the land of short people... "Uh, I'm not that tall, Near."
Akugi #50
L: "I'm sorry I am so late...I'm......."
Semi: (RUMBLE)
Mello: (Sigh) "What...?"
L: "I said I am--"
Motorcycle (not Mello's) : (ROOOAAAR)
Mello: (Twitch) "WHAT?"
L: (sweatdrop) "Where ARE y—"
Police Car: WEEEOOOWEEEOOOWEEEOOO!
Mello: "&^%$!" (Hangs up and texts L instead)
Akugi #51
Narrator: Matt pushed the door to room 128 open with his boot, both hands occupied with carrying Near.
Matt: (Tries to push door open, but it is closed tight) "...." ^_^; (KICKS)
Door: (Doesn't budge)
Matt: (Now hopping on one foot with Near on back, cursing under his breath about battered toes of other foot) _; "...." (Taps lightly on door with toe of boot)
Mikami: (Opens door, smirking) "Need someone to get the door for you, Mr. Kennedy?"
Matt: "I KNEW you were in here! You were ENJOYING listening to me break my foot, weren't you...?" -_-;
Akugi #52
Matt: "After last time, I'd rather you didn't touch Near at all."
Mikami: (Twitch) "Just WHAT are you implying?"
Matt: u_u "Oh, you're not fooling anybody, Mikami—you've got a THING for kids, don't you?"
Mikami: "...!" (Sputters in disbelief at what he's hearing)
Threshie: ^^; "Um...sorry to Mikami fans, I'm not portraying him very nicely in this fic. Ehehe...he IS mentally unhinged, so it's not like my portrayal is out of character, though. Next chapter you get Akugis will L in them!" :D
