In Charge

Chapter 23 – Give and Take

By Threshie

AN: Matt's got something to say...if he can get Mello and Near to stop bickering long enough to say it. ^^; The majority of this chapter was written when I was running on about four hours of sleep...

Disclaimer: Death Note belongs to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.


"What?!" The chorus between Mello and Near was almost comical. Both were staring at him incredulously; obviously what Matt had said was the last thing they had expected.

That got their attention.

"Neither," the redhead repeated pointedly, crossing his arms carefully over the bandages on his chest. "Don't get me wrong, I don't exactly hate you guys. You're just..." He sighed, "What gave either of you the idea I could only have one friend, anyway? I can care about both of you at once—I know 'cause I do. Did it ever occur to you that I could want both of you to be my friends, or do you guys just hate each other too much to even accept the possibility?"

"...I don't hate Mello," Near spoke up glumly after a moment. Glancing up at the blonde with a little frown, he added, "I am not happy with him at the moment—he lied to me about you being dead. However—"

"Near and I don't work well together," Mello interrupted, glaring at the white-haired boy. "I'm sure you're capable of having two friends, Matt—that's not the problem. You know what would happen if we were both friends with you? Near would take over, like he always does!"

"I would not," Near replied immediately, staring back darkly. "You, however, would attempt to turn every little thing that we did into a competition."

"It's not a 'competition' if Matt already likes you more in the first place!"

"He doesn't!" Near sounded frustrated rather than angry; his hands were clenched into fists again, and he seemed to have forgotten that his legs were about ready to give way, because he persisted in standing with the wheelchair right there to sit in. Knowing him, he knows being shorter makes it look like he's losing ground in the argument, Matt thought, sighing. They're both so stubborn they're blinding themselves to the whole point of the conversation!

He held up both hands abruptly, causing the two other boys to glance quickly in his direction.

"Hold it! Guys, listen...bickering about this isn't gonna help anything." Near quieted immediately, bowing his head. He still looked irritated. Mello crossed his arms, refusing to even look in the white-haired boy's direction. He definitely looked irritated.

"Sure," he muttered, looking like he'd lost his steam. He sounded depressed again, like he had been when he'd almost left before. "He'll take over—he already took over while L and I were on that trip!"

He did? Matt sweatdropped, glancing at Near. It was true that he had only started talking to and regarding Near as a friend after he had been hospitalized...it didn't mean that he'd forgotten about Mello, though. I wouldn't just dump him if he left for a week. He's my best friend—doesn't he think I value him a little more than that? It was kind of worrisome that Mello seemed to believe his friendship could transfer so easily. Then again, Mello's personality worked in extremes—win or lose, dark or light, friends or not friends.

Looking at it from that perspective...

I guess since he's been my only close friend for years...any other friend must seem like a threat, huh? So it wasn't Near, particularly—any new friend would've elicited a similar reaction. The fact that it was Near whom Matt had befriended probably just made Mello jump to conclusions more quickly. He's always trying not to lose to Near—he probably assumed since Near was my friend, he'd 'lost' in that too.

He wanted to shake his head in disbelief, but there wasn't time. Right now he had to take charge of the situation...and now that he had Near's and Mello's attention, he found that he wasn't so afraid to do so. I know what to say—there's only one way to fix this so that everybody's happy.

"Mell," he spoke up. The blonde met his eyes, his own slanted ones darkened to match his mood. Matt smiled, hoping to coax his friend into responding in kind. "You can't 'take over' friendship," he said gently, "It's give and take. Near couldn't 'steal' my friendship from you even if he wanted to—only you can do that, and it's by doing this. I-if you walk out today, nobody stole my friendship from you but you." Do you get it yet? You only have my friendship if you give me friendship back—it's give and take. If you stop giving, you're taking it away from me, too...and I don't want you to go. Don't go.

Friendship was give and take.

Mello frowned, glancing down at Near, who was hugging himself and looking very tired again. He's right, isn't he? If I stay, I'll have to share him with Near, but...if I leave, I know I'm gonna lose him. And if Near can't take over, there's no reason to even consider him a threat!

"If you still don't understand, then perhaps you weren't ever Matt's friend," Near whispered, eyes still downcast, "Perhaps he only thought that he was yours." You brat, Mello thought heavily, unable to will himself to get angry nonetheless. It wasn't something that he relished hearing, but in this case Near was right.

They're both right. Everybody else is right. I'm wrong...they win, I lose. Loser. I'm a loser...again. He brought a hand to his head, ran black-polished fingertips through his hair shakily, and bit his lip. So I'm the jerk...everybody else's being nice, it has to be me, right? Again.

Near's head felt heavy...the exhaustion was taking its toll. He refused to sit down, though. Not until this is finished. Not until he understands. He saw Mello's uncomfortable fidgeting out of the corner of his eye and was assured that it wouldn't be long now. He couldn't help but feel sorry for the blonde; as frustrating as he could be, he obviously cared about Matt a great deal, and Near could relate to him there.

And, after years of having Matt to himself, suddenly he has to share him with me. I am the impostor...if I had remained distant, they would still happily be friends and this discussion wouldn't even be necessary. Thoughts like that were self-defeating, though, and "if only"s never helped anything either. The white-haired boy hugged himself a bit more tightly, looking up at Mello.

"Please stay Matt's friend," he sighed. If you would do that already, then I could sit down. Besides, he would only be sad if you left...don't you see that?

Mello looked back at him sadly. You are realizing it, aren't you, Mello? That you've created most of this trouble for yourself. Poor Mello... Near directed his eyes back to the floor, lest the pity show on his face. Now that they had a fondness for Matt in common, he was placing himself in the same situation when he thought about it too much.

"Look, Mell, pretend for a minute that Near doesn't exist." Near glanced at Matt skeptically as the meaning of the words sank in. Do I have to cease to exist to solve the problem? That isn't very reassuring... Shooting him an apologetic little smile, the redhead added, "And Near, pretend Mello doesn't exist. It's just you and me. Now tell me one thing: do you still want to be my friend?"

Matt watched Mello's and Near's expressions carefully, and waited. He hoped that the question would drive the point home. He didn't care about who was "better"; to him they were both interesting and fun people in their own rights. You guys are so used to being compared to each other that you do it automatically, yourselves—and you assume that I do, too, but I really don't.

Despite being told that the other didn't exist for this question, Near and Mello exchanged a look again as they had done a moment before. This one was less turbulent, though—it was almost as if they were asking each other, "How about it? What are you going to tell him?"

A long moment of silence passed.

"Yes," Near answered simply, looking back to the floor at last. He didn't glance at Matt, didn't even check what his reaction was. Either he's embarrassed or he's just too tired to, Matt decided, turning his blue eyes to Mello next. The blonde boy, unlike Near, was staring right at him.

"...How can you even ask me that question?" He asked, sounding hurt.

"You were gonna leave a few minutes ago," Matt pointed out a bit glumly in return. "The only reason I can think of is that you don't wanna be my friend anymore."

"I thought you didn't want me to be your friend anymore!" The blonde retorted sharply, pointing an accusing finger at him, "I'll bet when I was off fighting Mikami you didn't even worry about me—you were probably too busy worrying about Near to even mention me!"

"Incorrect!"

Mello and Matt both jumped slightly, recalling that L was in the room only when they heard his voice. Near didn't seem to even hear him.

"Matt and I had a discussion about you while you were gone, as a matter of fact," the great detective said calmly, peering at them over his shoulder. On the bedside table in front of him, three tall stacks of caramels stood perfectly balanced. He had somehow managed to stack the tops together until only one candy stood tallest in the center.

"What?!" Mello looked completely shocked to be hearing this. He must've been really sure I hadn't even thought about him, much less worried about or talked about him, Matt thought, sweatdropping. I guess seeing that I cared about Near made him assume I didn't care about him at all anymore. Poor Mell...

Mello sighed; that was it, if L verified it then it must be the truth. I guess we'll give this a try...the worst that could happen is that I'd say "I told you so" and leave anyway later, right? Saying "no" at this point really would make him nothing more than a sore loser. He nodded at L, who smiled and tucked one of the caramels into his mouth, and turned back to Matt.

"Alright, fine," he said evenly, "So you do care about me." I'm really kind of surprised you still do...I thought you wouldn't after all of this. I guess we must be closer than I thought... He tried not to let the relief show on his face.

Somebody still wanted him in their life after all.

"Yeah," Matt smiled that easy smile of his that Mello had seen so many times, replying to Mello's admission and his thoughts all in a single word. He seemed so much more relaxed than he'd been when Mello and Near had first arrived. We really did make a lot of progress here, I guess...it's good to see him smile for real again.

He smiled back, a bit uncomfortably.

"Look...I-I'm sorry about making a scene," he mumbled, glancing at the dinosaur on the bed stand. The sight of it wasn't such an irritation anymore. It represented Matt's friendship with Near...but as Matt had said, his friendship with Near wasn't a threat to his friendship with Mello. Beside it lay Matt's goggles and the Gameboy that Mello had brought him from the house. It was in the exact same spot as it had been when last the blonde had seen it. I guess he was too worried to play anything on it?

Something warm pressed against his side.

Stiffening, the blonde looked down and saw that Near was leaning against his side, head propped up against his shoulder. His eyes were fixed dully on the toes of his socks.

"Sit down if you're tired, Near," he said, scowling at the white-haired boy. Don't get all clingy again...it was bad enough in the car! Dark eyes fixed their gaze on him and refused to look away.

"Say yes."

Mello blinked.

"What?"

"T...tell Matt 'yes'," the smaller boy said tiredly, but firmly. "Stop hesitating—say it. I will sit down...if you say it..." Is that supposed to be some kind of threat to lean on me forever if I don't say it?

Rolling his eyes, the blonde turned to Matt and declared sarcastically, "Yes, Matt."

"Thank you," Near mumbled, sinking into the wheelchair seat again immediately. He closed his eyes, rubbing one with the back of his hand, and then started crinkling the hem of the blanket since he didn't have a toy to hold instead.

"I'm glad you finally said it, too, actually," Matt smiled sheepishly. "I-I almost thought you were gonna say no at the last second...anyway, Near's got the right idea. You must be tired too, Mell—I heard you and Mikami got in a gunfight or something."

"Eh," Mello waved a hand dismissively, "He didn't manage to hit me."

"He almost shot you point-blank," Near corrected flatly, raising his head again with a little frown on his face. "He shot out the window behind you. If you hadn't punched his glasses off, he would have killed you." Mello automatically started to bristle at such a statement, but the next part made him pause. More quietly, Near murmured, "You could have died trying to rescue me. Don't say that it was nothing..."

You don't have to say it like that! The blonde thought awkwardly, crossing his arms; any movement to help mask his embarrassment. You make it sound like I was brave and risked my life or some stupid heroic crap like that! Well, technically he had risked his life, but it had been more like recklessness brought on by anger than bravery... Maybe being so reckless you don't think about your own safety at all is bravery? ...Nevermind, doesn't matter anyway.

"He didn't hit me—it only would've mattered if he did," the blonde pointed out. "As it was, he couldn't have hit the broad side of a barn." He smirked a little at the memory of finally getting his hands around the tall man's neck, adding, "And he sure wasn't so tough without the gun."

"Are you nuts?!" Matt sat up in his bed, the resulting wince somehow only adding to his alarmed tone. "Y-you took on a guy with a gun bare-handed? You could've taken a gun from the police department, you know!"

"Look, there wasn't time for that," Mello replied sharply, "If I was even a few minutes later, that bastard would've done even more to Near!" He was fuming just thinking about the state he'd found Near in when he'd first arrived. He was really helpless, wasn't he? I hope what happened doesn't stay with him for long, but I have a bad feeling that it will... He glanced at Near uneasily, seeing that the white-haired boy had averted his eyes to the floor again.

Matt was looking at him in concern now, too, questions in his eyes. He didn't know exactly what had happened, but he could probably guess...

Shit—of course talking about what happened makes Near think about it! Mello, you're an idiot—he's gonna cry again and freak Matt out, too, and it's going to be your damned fault--again! He gritted his teeth, trying to play it cool and not show how mad he was at himself right now. If he had just come back from the ordeal that Near had, any mention of it would probably summon all kinds of horrible memories of pain and helplessness...

"S-so..." Near's voice trembled slightly, breaking the short silence that had fallen. He sounded a bit faint, but as he raised his head, his mouth curved into a very familiar little smirk. "...you actually cared what happened to me, Mello."

A statement.

No room for argument.

For once, Mello didn't care to argue, anyway.

"Wha...h-how the hell couldn't I care?!" He sputtered, practically speechless. Near's frankness had that kind of disarming effect sometimes. Talking about Mikami doesn't even seem to phase him! "What the hell do you take me for, a complete self-centered jerk?! I'd have to be heartless to see anybody I know in that kind of situation and not care!" He'd balled his hands into fists again, and was shouting without really meaning to.

The question irked him, though—after all of the trouble he'd gone through to rescue Near, the white-haired boy had some nerve to practically accuse him of being heartless to his face. I went and got shot at for you, you brat! I saved your ass! I even took care of you when you couldn't do anything but cry...

That thought stopped his tirade dead in its tracks. Abruptly, he remembered the fragile Near that he had rescued just a few hours back. The silent, hopeless person that he had sat beside during the trip back. Now he was smirking and talking as confidently as ever, but...

Nobody bounces back from that this fast.

No matter how well he hid it, talking about Mikami had to bother him.

"Frankly, I'm disturbed that you're taking what happened as well as you are," he told Near stiffly, but more gently than he'd spoken a moment before. The smaller boy brought a hand up and began to twist a piece of his pale hair, offering no response. He had shrunken down in his seat a bit when Mello had started shouting, and now the blonde couldn't help but feel a bit bad for doing so. I didn't mean to...but he's been through enough today—we shouldn't be talking about this so soon. Gah, I wish I could take back what I said...


What exactly happened to him, anyway? Matt watched Near worriedly; he had the distinct feeling that whatever it was, hearing about it would make him feel sicker than he already did when he imagined the smaller boy at Mikami's mercy. Mell said Mikami might've "done more than he already did"...h-he didn't...did he? He left the thoughts incomplete; he didn't even really want to think what he knew the answer probably was. Words like "molestation" and "rape" were whirling through his mind, and it was chilling to realize that he didn't know for sure that any of those hadn't happened to Near.

He was gone for a day and a half—closer to two. Mikami has to be stronger than him...and, Mell must have found him in some kind of really bad situation, to say what he just said...

Mikami had seemed so possessive of Near during their last conversation...had waited carefully until Matt put him down to bring the gun out, so as not to risk hitting him...it made the redhead shiver to think back on those few terrible moments that he was bleeding on the floor, still conscious enough to listen as Mikami left with Near but too weak to call for help or even to move to go after them. I probably passed out in about a minute...maybe. A minute had been just long enough to feel like a failure where protecting Near was concerned.

"Let's talk about something else," he said quietly, unable to keep the tightness from the lump in his throat out of his voice. Thinking of what Near had been through made him want to cry. And now that he's back, instead of taking care of him like we should, we have some big stupid argument about friendship when we already all know the answer is just to try...geniuses or not, we're being really idiotic about all of this.


"Yeah." Mello's agreement came so quickly that it almost ran over the last part of Matt's sentence. Quite abruptly the two of them were looking at him with pity in their eyes...like he needed to be treated and spoken to gently all of a sudden. What an irony from the person who was just shaking me around by my shirt... Near stopped fiddling with his hair, folding his hands on his lap and taking a deep breath.

"I know what you two are thinking," he said softly, not looking at them as he spoke. If he looked he was sure that he would only see concerned blue staring back from whichever of them that he chose to focus on. "However, Mr. Mikami barely did a thing to me." It's true—he didn't harm me, short of putting in that IV needle. He frowned faintly at the memory of being too weak to resist, but forced himself to ignore it and pay attention to the present situation.

Mello's snort off to the side defined his disbelief pretty succinctly. Matt only bit his lip.

They think that I am lying, Near realized with slight irritation. Why would I lie about this? Mello saw me in the worst situation that I had to endure for the entire thing... He hugged himself, trying not to focus on the memory of being strapped down to the bed too much. He didn't actually harm me...although I regard him as someone dangerous now. He is responsible for what happened.

He wasn't dismissing the fact that being kidnapped and kept by Mikami had been a horrible experience...but Matt and Mello definitely seemed to believe that things far worse had happened to him.


"Look, you don't have to make excuses for that bastard," Mello said, brows furrowing angrily again at the thought of Mikami. He's trying to hide it, but there's no way in hell that somebody twisted like Mikami had him for almost two days and the worst thing he did was to try to take his clothes off. I won't believe that for a second!

"I am not making excuses for anyone," Near sighed, looking at the toes of his socks uncomfortably. "He didn't really harm me. The worst thing he did was to...touch my stomach. Y-you saw that, Mello—it was very uncomfortable, but he...didn't hurt me..." He shrank down further into the chair; their staring at him seemed to make him uneasy.

Kind of like when Matt tries to lie and I look him in the eye, as a matter of fact.

Exactly like that.

"If he didn't hurt you, what happened to your wrist?" Matt asked quietly, pointing at the red marks visible thanks to Near's undershirt being sleeveless. "Who did that, huh?"

"The straps did that," Mello answered darkly, crossing his arms and scowling at Near. "Oh, I didn't mention? Mikami had him tied down to his bed when I got there!"

"I-I pulled the IV out of my arm trying to escape," the white-haired boy explained quickly, holding up his bandaged right wrist, "And I also fell off of the table...h-he restrained me so that I wouldn't harm myself any further. That is all, though." He sighed tiredly, "I have no reason to lie to either of you about this—please believe me."

Mello exchanged a skeptical look with Matt, who was obviously saddened by what he was hearing. He wasn't there—he'd be a lot more worried if he got to see Near in the state I saw him in when I first got there. Ten more minutes and I'm willing to bet Mikami would have had all of his clothes off! He shook his head slightly, banishing the anger that started bubbling up every time he thought about that too much. He looked down at Near, who looked too tired to maintain much more of this conversation. I know he's lying about this, but...

He sighed, "Well, at least you're safe now. Matt and me are gonna take good care of you—aren't we, Matt?" If something like this happened to me, I'd be ashamed enough with me knowing it happened without having to tell everybody I know, too. It would be bad to force him to talk about it if he doesn't want to, anyway... He would try and talk to Near about it again later, in private. In the meantime, pressing the issue didn't seem like the right thing to do.

"Right!" Matt smiled as best he could, a trace of concern coming through in his voice despite his efforts. "Er, as soon as I can get out of bed, anyway. 'Til then, sorry but you'll have to do most of the 'taking care', Mell..."

Mello smirked at this, uncrossing his arms and propping one hand on his hip instead.

"Hah—taking care of two people is no big deal! I could take care of a dozen if I felt like it," he boasted, reaching over and ruffling Near's hair with the other hand. That's right—I'm the only one who's up to par right now, and L's always busy with some case, so it's up to me to take care of them. He resolved to try his best not to be mean to Near, at least for a little while. No truce of theirs had ever lasted long, but this weekend's experience had been an eye-opener for him as far as Near was concerned.

He looked into the scrutinizing dark-eyed stare that had snapped onto him from the moment his hand had landed on the shorter boy's head, and smiled. Maybe I'm just a little bit more fond of him now...a really little bit.


It was remarkably strange to want to thank Mikami for doing what he had done, but L was actually entertaining the idea...idly, of course. I wouldn't ever really do such a thing...but, I have to admit that his actions have changed a lot of things for those three. He sat with his thumb propped against his bottom lip, smiling behind it at the boys talking and smiling only a few feet away. Mello, for all of his shouting and blustering about hating the smaller boy, seemed more protective of Near than anything now. He was even patting him on the head and smiling at him.

Matt still looked a bit concerned, but he was smiling his way through it, waving a hand as he talked to Mello. He reached over and plucked the dinosaur from the bed stand, holding it up and smiling sheepishly. After a moment, Near reached and took it from him, turning immediately and handing it to Mello. The blonde stood there with the plastic beast in his hands, looking unsure how to respond.

Remarkable, indeed. Matt didn't handle this friendship situation as I would have, but I can't deny that his method worked. Then again, I've never had even one person so eager to be my friend, nevermind two at once... The great detective poked his lip with his thumb, wide eyes focused intently on the redheaded boy. ...Perhaps Matt knows more about what it means to be a friend than I do. I don't doubt it, actually. Perhaps I could take some pointers from him...

Maybe someday he would have a best friend, too.

--End Chapter 23


AN: I guess all they really needed from the start was for Matt to muster up enough confidence to speak his mind...it seems that if L sanctions what they're doing, these guys get a lot more confident. ^^;

Mello is so mood-swingy... XD; Poor guy, first I write him hopping mad, then angsty, then hopping-mad-but-faking-being-a-jerk-to-help-person-he's-mad-at-despite-being-hopping-mad, then worried/angry, THEN happy/confident/tentatively-open-to-friendship. Sorry if he seems OOC...he took his sweet time about it, but he finally decided to give sharing Matt's friendship an honest try. (Mutters) We'll see how long THIS lasts, eheh...

Thank you for reading "In Charge"--don't worry, there's another chapter coming! :) There are a few loose ends to tie up yet; can you guys guess which ones I'm talking about?

-Threshie


In Charge Akugi! Volume 23

Akugi #90

Mello: Loser. I'm a loser...again.

Near: "Yep." 3

Mello: (Twitch) Will. Not. Punch. Person. I. Just. Saved.

Matt: ^_^; "Don't feel bad, Mell—I'm a loser, too, so we can be all loser-y together!"

Mello: "....How the hell do you guys keep answering my thoughts?!"

Matt & Near: (Whistle innocently)

Akugi #91

Matt: "Y-you took on a guy with a gun bare-handed? You could've taken a gun from the police department, you know!"

Mello: (Incredulously) "What, and have THEM start shooting at me too?!"

Near: u.u "I believe he meant to borrow one, not to steal it, Mello."

Akugi #92

Near: "I know what you two are thinking."

Mello: (Points finger accusingly) "HOW!? And don't you dare just whistle and pretend you can't READ MINDS!" _

Akugi #93

Near: "T...tell Matt 'yes'. Stop hesitating—say it."

Mello: (Weirded-out look) "Near, stop pestering me—I already told you, I am NOT marrying him! What the hell do YOU care, anyway?!"

Near: "...He said I could be the best man." 3

Mello: "..."