In Charge
Chapter 24 – Hopeful
By Threshie
AN: Wow, after over a month of working and reworking and reworking and reworking this chapter, it's FINALLY ready for you to read! (Faint) Er...enjoy, LOL.
Disclaimer: Death Note belongs to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.
Moonlight filtered in thin, silvery rays through the blinds. Near stared at the slender stripes that it painted across his chest, wishing that he could fall asleep again. He'd awakened abruptly a few moments ago, and was now for some reason not tired at all. I wish that Matt was here to talk to... He glanced around the stark, shadowy hospital room, the soft glow of the monitoring equipment the brightest point in the room save for the shards of moonlight.
Matt was in the room next door. Much as he had wanted to stay in the same room as the redhead, Dr. Lidner had informed them that the doctors and nurses kept track of patients by their room numbers, and that the private rooms were really too small to accommodate two patients and twice the usual amount of medical equipment. Near felt all right besides his fatigue, but the doctor had insisted that he remain a patient at least until they could determine that moving around so much just after surgery hadn't complicated things.
Since Matt wouldn't be released from the hospital for at least another day due to the amount of blood he'd lost, it only made sense that Near stay in the hospital too, at least until then. L had promised that they all could finally go home after that. He got to go home last night...I wish that we could have gone with him. L had only gone home because there were a few final details of the case he and Mello had been working on that he had to see to, but even returning right to working on cases would have been fine after this week...
And that was how Near found himself awake in the middle of the night with only the moonlight for company. He wondered when Mello, who had been going back and forth between his and Matt's rooms to check up on them, would visit next. If Dr. Lidner had allowed us to be in the same room, he wouldn't have had to do that, either.
He sighed, closing his eyes. It didn't do any good to sit and wish that things were different; they were what they were. I do wish that I could sleep again, though—this doesn't make any sense. Why am I awake...? He'd been so exhausted when he'd crawled into bed that he'd thought he might sleep through the next day—waking up early certainly hadn't seemed possible.
The soft clicking of the door opening and closing drifted to his ears. Mello...
Soft footsteps, and then he felt a hand lightly ruffle his hair. He and Matt both do that; I wonder which one started the habit first? He never saw them touch each other's hair, they just seemed to ruffle his a lot. Hmm...
"How is Matt?" He asked, opening his eyes to glance at the blonde's expression.
Mikami smiled back, slanted eyes focused intently upon his own.
Near froze, staring in shock. Mr. Mikami! H...how...?!
He sat up quickly—or tried to, anyway. A familiar thick tightness was clamped firmly around each wrist...
H-he.... Near lay still, panic and helplessness gripping his chest almost as tightly as the leather straps again gripped his wrists and ankles. Did he escape the police and come here...just to get me? How did he restrain me without waking me up? How did he restrain me before he even arrived...? There wasn't any other way that what was happening could be explained, but...
"Your brother is dead," Mikami told him gently in response to his question, his expression softening a little. "But it's all right—I'm going to take care of you now..." He ran his fingers through Near's pale hair, slipping his hand down to stroke the side of the boy's face gently, so gently...
Near shivered, turning his face away.
"Wh-what do you want with me?" He asked shakily, thoughts still racing over why, how...
"I only want to take care of you," the tall man murmured in that same slow, gentle tone he had spoken in before. As he spoke he slipped his fingers beneath the hem of Near's shirt, sliding it up across his chest to expose pale skin. The white-haired boy shrank away from his touch, but there wasn't far to go—the straps and the bed both made sure of that. N-no...don't touch me...!
He struggled, wrists burning as the straps bit into the marks from his first encounter with Mikami. This couldn't be happening...how could this be happening?!
Fingers slid feather-light down over his ribs, caressing his sides. The panicked thumping of his heart drowned out all other sounds.
Sounds!
"Mello!" He shouted, ceasing struggling to focus on being as loud as he possibly could. If Mello is in Matt's room next door, he might be able to hear me! He wasn't alone like last time, he thought, screaming, "Mello, help me! Help--!" A hand clamped over his mouth, muffling his cries. Mikami snagged the metal framing of the bed with his other hand, dragging it along on its wheels toward the door.
No...no, no, no! Near wriggled, trying to speak around or even to bite Mikami's hand out of the way, but the tall man was pressing on his mouth so hard that he couldn't have hoped to do either. Smothering...he couldn't draw a full breath.
"Near...?!"
Mello! Near started struggling again, hoping that maybe it would slow Mikami down at least a little.
"M-Mello! Mello, help me! Mikami is--!" He was so panicked that it took a moment for him to realize that he could speak again. There was no hand over his mouth...in fact, he wasn't even laying down anymore. The straps—where--
"Hey, calm down! It's okay—Near, you're okay!" The anxious voice was Mello's; Near felt as well as heard it. His face, he realized, was pressed close to the blonde boy's chest. Mello had both arms wrapped around his waist, a hand patting his back lightly.
...Not real, he realized finally, heart still pounding loudly. A nightmare.
I knew it—I knew he was lying about what Mikami did to him! Mello thought angrily, trying to his best to sound reassuring as he said, "It was just a nightmare, Near. It's okay..." He had been on his way to Near's room to check up on him when he'd heard the white-haired boy shouting for help. Mello hadn't ever heard him sound so frantic. The only time that came close was when Mello had interrupted that medic, Takada, from trying to assess his injuries, and even then he hadn't sounded this panicked.
It must have been some nightmare, to get him so freaked out...
Near had been thrashing about in his sleep; Mello had barely made it across the room in time to catch him before he rolled off the side of the bed, in fact. He'd guessed that the cause of the panic was a nightmare then, but after Near had said something about Mikami, he was certain of it. Was he calling for help like this when Mikami really had him? If he had, then it had to have been before Mello arrived. The thought of Near calling for him to help, and him arriving too late... That bastard...look what he's done!
Near pulled away from his arms suddenly, snapping him out of his thoughts. The white-haired boy hugged himself tightly, dark eyes darting quickly back and forth. He looked at the window, the door, the bed that they were sitting on...
"Near?" Mello leaned over to peer into his eyes worriedly. Is he still asleep? His eyes are open, but he hasn't said anything...
"M-Mello," the smaller boy responded at last, voice trembling almost as much as he was. He glanced at the head of the bed, then toward the door again, as if expecting somebody else to be in the room. Mello watched him warily. You little liar...you're not okay at all, and he did do something, didn't he?
"Are you okay?" He asked, despite knowing that he really wasn't; he leaned one of his hands on his knee and glanced at the white-haired boy sidelong. Near was frowning faintly, looking in the general direction of his hands in a distant way—staring through them.
"...Yes."
Like hell you are! Mello thought, gritting his teeth. Near was still avoiding the subject of what had happened during his time with Mikami...and now, having awakened in such a panic, it was clear that he was hiding something. I wish he'd talk to somebody about it... He glanced at the smaller boy, who still trembled visibly, and sighed a little. He's so damned stubborn, though! I don't want to force him to talk, but there might not be any other way...
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked quietly, trying to sound patient even though he knew the answer already. He'll never talk to me. Let's face it, saying we're friends is one thing—treating each other like it is gonna take some work. He was pretty sure he wouldn't want to talk about it, either, if it was him in Near's position.
"I would like to go back to sleep now," Near said flatly, rather than replying to the question. Apparently considering the conversation, the white-haired boy slowly crawled back under the blankets, wincing a little as he settled down onto his bruised side. He immediately turned and buried his face in the pillow, avoiding Mello's eyes.
I get it, the blonde thought unhappily. You don't want to talk to me. He nodded, standing and looking down at the smaller boy. I'll bet if I was Matt you'd talk to me. I guess he's earned your friendship, though, huh? It bothered him that Near wouldn't confide in him, and he wasn't sure why. It made perfect sense that his ex-rival wouldn't trust him literally overnight...but Mello had gone through so much trouble to save him that he had been hoping that Near would maybe see him in a new light.
Stupid, he thought drolly, withdrawing the hand he'd been about to tuck Near's blanket in with. He frowned down through his fingers at the floor. He doesn't want anything to do with you—it's not like you've ever been very nice to him, why the hell would he? Even while saving him you managed to do something underhanded—lie to him about Matt. Matt...it made more sense to have the redhead talk to Near about what had happened between him and Mikami, but after the whole scene the two of them had made over fighting over his friendship, Mello figured he owed Matt the peace of mind not to bring this up, too.
...Besides, if we're both going to be Matt's friend, we have to learn to get along with each other—and nobody's gonna be able to say that I was the one who didn't try hard enough!
Determined, he turned and sat down on the edge of the bed again. Near didn't move or even acknowledge that he hadn't left. The complete lack of reaction didn't really help Mello's enthusiasm any...he focused on his hands, fidgeting and tapping his fingertips on his knees. ...I'm not sure how to start this. Damn it...he's not making it very easy! It's not like all of our fights have been one-sided—he's been a pain in the ass plenty in the past, so why do I have to be the one to try and fix everything?
'Because you're the problem.' his mind answered promptly. It wasn't an easy thing to admit, but the truth was that if he hadn't been so adamant about telling Near not to befriend Matt, most of the complications of the past week wouldn't have happened. Near would still have gotten appendicitis, of course, but perhaps if certain parties hadn't been so busy being petulant about certain other parties wanting to stay at the bedside of certain third parties, other insane and potentially-pedophiliac parties wouldn't have had a chance to abduct the third parties...
Listen to me, I'm thinking like a legal document, Mello thought drolly, resting his head in his hands. Stop stalling! You know what you need to do: say you're sorry and tell Near—scratch that--ask Near if he'll be friends with you. He'd already resolved to be Near's friend earlier, when he'd agreed to sharing Matt's friendship with the white-haired boy, but obviously Near wasn't of the same mindset, to be so mistrusting of him still. Maybe it's just the fact that it's me...maybe he'll never trust me much, after how we've always treated each other. He frowned. Stop it! Y-you're being self-defeating, dammit—start the conversation before you invent the end!
Near waited until the footsteps had faded out of hearing range before opening his eyes again. Mello had seemed reluctant to leave, for some reason. He was concerned for me... He couldn't decide if Mello was sincerely trying to be nice or was just convinced that Near was in some fragile emotional state and thus had to be treated gently. Either way, it was frustrating. He and Matt both...they still believe that I am lying about what happened to me.
He bit his lip, closing his eyes. As frustrating as it was to have no-one believe him when he was telling the truth, it wasn't hard to see why they thought he was lying. His own mind was concocting horrible dreams, as if trying to convince him that he had in fact been through things far worse than he remembered. If I can't even convince myself that everything is all right, how can I convince anyone else?
The dream's image of Mikami's shadowy face leaning over him in the bed snapped to mind, as clear as any real memory, and he shivered. No—it isn't real. I have control inside of my mind—there is nothing to be afraid of. He imagined himself staring evenly back at the tall man, looking right into those dark, slanted eyes. His glasses, Near realized, were gone. In fact, he had a cut across the bridge of his nose from where Mello's fist had crunched the wire frames into his face.
Those are details that my mind added because I know what happened to him, Near reassured himself, trying not to listen to his pulse thudding louder and louder, like footsteps...
Mikami smiled.
Near hadn't thought that he should smile.
"Are you all right?" He whispered, smile dissolving into solemn concern as he leaned down close to Near's face, "You look frightened..."
"You are not real," Near replied, somehow compelled to whisper as well. As if speaking any louder might break his concentration and give Mikami a chance to take control. Don't be stupid, he told himself firmly, This is not real. He cannot take control—he is only my imagination. My fears...
"Are you afraid of me?" The nurse asked gently, placing a hand lightly atop his head. "That's unfair...you know that I would never hurt you." His voice got softer, and he leaned in closer, until Near could feel each breath brush against his ear. "I only want to take care of you, Near..."
"I won't allow you to do anything to me," Near said stiffly, but now he wasn't so sure that he could do it. He called me by my real name—he shouldn't have. He has always called me by the pseudonym that Matt wrote onto my papers, Kennedy... His mind was a logical place; if it accounted for Mikami's facial injury, how could it overlook something like his own name?
"Near?"
Mello? The voice sounded very close, but the blonde had left awhile ago. Confused, Near stopped focusing on Mikami for a moment...
Lips pressed hard to his.
"M--!" Mello's eyes widened as Near suddenly sat up in bed, a hand flying over his mouth. At first the blonde thought maybe he was going to throw up, but when the white-haired boy remained sitting there it became obvious that that wasn't the case.
I only said his name—no way I freaked him out like this! Must be another nightmare...I guess he drifted off to sleep again pretty quick. It had been about ten minutes since he'd sat down again; just when he'd finally worked up the courage to start the conversation he was determined to have with Near, the white-haired boy had awakened with a start. Undoubtedly he would refuse to talk about this nightmare just like he had with the last one... Because it's me asking...probably.
Half-heartedly, the blonde turned and asked, "You okay?"
Near appeared to have calmed down a bit, but still had a hand pressed over his mouth. Silently, he nodded once, eyes closed.
"Near, if you're not okay, it's okay to admit it," Mello said pointedly, sighing. I've never really tried talking to him much before besides arguing with him; got to be careful not to be too pushy, or he'll probably respond the same way that he does to arguments...
"It was only a-a bad dream," the smaller boy said, removing the hand from his mouth at last. Shaking and disheveled like he was, he only reminded Mello of the moment when he had been freed from the straps at Mikami's home and had broken down into tears. Mello almost wished he would just cry and get it over with now, too. I wouldn't enjoy watching him do that again, but at least then he wouldn't be lying about things. Maybe he's bottling everything up...
"A nightmare about Mikami," he said quietly. "About what...he did to you?" Near looked at him quickly at that. Suspiciously.
"H-he didn't harm me."
"Don't give me that!" Mello growled, crossing his arms, "If he didn't do something to you, then why are you having nightmares about him?" Near only averted his eyes to the floor, offering no reply. Mello gritted his teeth, forcing himself to take a deep breath. Yelling doesn't help with him, remember...and he doesn't really deserve to be yelled at. He's just so...damned stubborn...
"Near," he began, as calmly as he could, "Listen, I understand if you don't want everybody to know about this--"
"He didn't harm me," Near repeated, more stiffly this time. Mello could almost see the barriers being slapped up to block him out.
"Earlier you were asking me to help you," he said tightly, "So let me help. Is it because you don't trust me? Do you think I'll go and tell somebody else about it?"
Near almost smiled at the accusing tone that the blonde was using. Despite having been rivals until yesterday, obviously Mello expected him to trust him already. The subject of the conversation was no smiling matter, though, and so the white-haired boy remained stoic as he turned to peer up at Mello. This is really bothering him, isn't it? After waking up screaming for his help, he was sure that the blonde boy was more convinced than ever that Mikami had done something horrible to him.
Like in that last dream... He bit his lip.
Why is my mind showing me such things? He wasn't really sure why he was having nightmares in the first place--it wasn't as if Mikami had actually done anything particularly horrible to him. Except to make me feel...helpless. Perhaps that is the reason. Even that certainly isn't whatever Mello is assuming.
He couldn't really blame Mello for assuming the worst, with the state the blonde had discovered him in, but it was irritating that nobody seemed to believe he wasn't lying. Apparently nobody trusted him to his word when it came down to it...
"Mello...you have always hated me," Near pointed out, looking down at the floor again. He said it matter-of-factly, and sounded much more sure of himself than he felt. It's true, isn't it? Perhaps after yesterday you don't hate me anymore...but assuming that you are my friend suddenly would just be foolish.
He was rather puzzled by Mello's concern for him; yesterday he'd seemed to be tolerating talking to him for Matt's benefit, so why did he want Near to confide in him about the incident with Mikami so much? Perhaps he just wants me to acknowledge his theory so that he feels like he was right and I was wrong... Considering the blonde's competitive nature, it wasn't entirely out of the realm of possibility.
Mello was quiet for a long moment. Near peeked at him sidelong and saw that his brows were furrowing sadly, even as an unexpected smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.
"After growing up around me, I thought you'd know me better, Near. Look, I don't do things half-way—if we're gonna both be Matt's friends, and not make it a competition, we'd damned well better try and be friends with each other."
Mello wasn't expecting much response from Near regardless of what he said...so when there was the rustle of blankets, he assumed that the smaller boy was rolling over or something. He assumed so for a moment or two, anyway—until a head of fluffy white hair leaned into his vision; Near's dark eyes were peering up at his face suddenly, inches away and filled with hesitation.
"Mello," the white-haired boy ventured, "You...are you asking to be my friend?" He sounds so disbelieving, Mello thought, sweatdropping. He smiled despite himself, though. Seeing an astonished Near was a very rare sight, but it was actually kind of amusing when it happened—which was twice in the same number of days recently.
"Yeah...I guess I am. What do you say?" He glanced down at the white-haired boy, adding wryly, "Or is it too hard to think of me as anything but that guy who keeps trying to pick a fight with you?"
Near's mouth curved into that familiar little smirk, and he shook his head quickly.
"No...I want to be friends. I never thought that you would agree to such a thing, though..."
This is one case where I can change things and not be the problem!
"Well, I agree," Mello disproved that theory on the spot, turning and patted the smaller boy's shoulder with a smirk. "Congratulations—we're friends now. Let's show Matt we're capable of not only getting along but being real friends, too, huh?" You're not so bad when you're not being a know-it-all...and when you act a little more human.
Near smiled back, turning his dark eyes to the floor as one hand crept up to twist a lock of his hair absently.
"Yes."
The dinosaur's smile greeted Matt first-thing the next morning. The redhead didn't smile back, instead glancing around the empty hospital room with tired eyes. He hadn't slept well last night; Mello had visited twice to check on him, but after that he'd been gone all night. I hope he kept Near company. Not only did the white-haired boy hate being left alone in hospital rooms, but now he probably worried that some stranger would come abduct him if he was out of the sight of people that he knew. I know I'd worry about it, anyway...
Mello promised to take care of Near, so Near was in good hands, the redhead reassured himself, looking up at the ceiling. It's okay--it's over. And...today's the first day they're both my friends. That brought a smile to his face. Looking back on the evening before, the scene was laughable; how had they possibly managed to make such an emotional mess of such a simple thing as asking Matt to be his friend? I guess since we're trained to pay attention to every detail of a situation, we can over think things sometimes.
He reached over and plucked the dinosaur off of the bedstand, examining its pebbled skin and rounded features. I don't know how I managed to read them both the facts like that—I didn't even know I had it in me! He smiled sheepishly, placing the dinosaur on the bedstand again. There was a soft clatter; the plastic beast's foot had slid another object across the tabletop. A small brown cube.
"Whoops," the redhead muttered to himself, sweatdropping and snatching the item off of the edge of the table where it had been balancing precariously. It was one of L's caramels from the night before; he'd given it to Matt before heading home. His words from then were still fresh in Matt's mind, and though he wasn't sure that he believed them entirely, it had been good to hear someone say such a thing...
"I've been waiting for this to happen", the great detective confessed, leaning sideways to scrutinize the dinosaur's grinning face from the side. "...For you to finally be the bridge to Near's and Mello's personality extremes, as I've always suspected that you would become eventually."
"Huh?" Matt asked, watching him sidelong since he still couldn't turn onto his side in the bed. "What do you mean? It's kind of hard to be a 'bridge' for other people when either side's a lot smarter than you..."
"If you're looking at numbers, yes, they're both smarter than you," L shrugged, poking the dinosaur's teeth with such a look of concentration on his face that Matt would have assumed he wasn't paying attention to the conversation at all if he didn't know the man better. He's like Near, he thought fondly, He doesn't look like he's paying attention, but he's probably memorizing every detail.
"Yeah," he started dubiously, wondering why they were taking up time stating the obvious when he'd just said the same thing.
"However...there's more than one kind of IQ," L stood back up to his usual hunched-over posture, tucking the tip of one thumb into his mouth and training his wide-eyed stare on Matt suddenly. "When it comes to friendship...call it 'Friendship IQ', if you like...you're the biggest genius of all, Matt."
Stunned, Matt couldn't come up with anything to say that would refute such a statement. Since he'd never been tested for this 'Friendship IQ', he couldn't truthfully deny what L had said...but it seemed impossible to be better than the black-haired man at anything, even something that he'd never seen L try. He and Mello and Near all tended to automatically assume that L was simply the best. That was fact, as far as they had always been concerned.
Smiling at the redheaded boy's startled face, L murmured, "I've got to go now, Matt; try and keep Mello and Near in line while I'm gone, all right?"
"Sure," Matt answered, blinking. Me? He's leaving me in charge of them...?!
"Here," L paused and rummaged in one of his jeans pockets, producing a single brown caramel square. Placing it on the top of Matt's head, he looked completely serious as he said in a deadpan tone, "Cheer up—the good guys won out in the end, like they're supposed to."
With that, he shoved both hands into his jeans pockets and shuffled casually out the door without looking back.
--End Chapter 24
AN: WILL IT EVER ENNNND? DX (Mello has this disturbing tendency to stretch chapters out when he's in scenes.... ^^; Sorry! Er, although in a way you could thank him, as he's the reason this isn't the last chapter—the next one is.)
-Threshie
In Charge Akugi! Volume 24
Akugi #94
Near: "How is Matt?" (Opens eyes)
Mikami: (Is sticking out tongue and crossing eyes) "Nyaaa!"
Near: (Sputter) "D...don't make me laugh! This scene is supposed to be serious!"
Mikami: (Sweatdrop) "I resolved to do at least ONE thing toward you in this story that wasn't threatening and creepy!" u_u "Ms. Threshie had better write me into a good-guy role next fic, or people won't believe she's a fan of me anymore."
Near: u.u "Face it--you are good at being creepy because you are creepy."
Mikami: T_T "You're a mean little kid, you know that?"
Akugi #95
Narrator: The panicked thumping of his heart drowned out all other sounds.
Near: Sounds! (Takes deep breath, then screams as high-pitched as possible)
Mikami: _ "UGH, my head!" (Clutches ears and runs away)
Mello: (Watches him pass in the hall) "...Do I want to know what that was about?"
Akugi #96
Narrator: Mello gritted his teeth, forcing himself to take a deep breath.
Mello: Yelling doesn't help with him, remember. A-hem... (Slaps Near upside the head) "You're gonna LISTEN to me, dammit!" (Snarls and shakes by shirt lapels)
Near: (Twitch) "You'll find that making me bleed is even more ineffective than yelling."
Akugi #97
Matt: I don't know how I managed to read them both the facts like that—I didn't even know I had it in me! (Thinks back)
~~~Flashback mode!~~~
Matt: "You have the right to remain silent! Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law!"
Mello & Near: (Exchange identical 'Oooookay' glances)
