The Wiggles That Came To Dinner


A.N. This story could be pretty much considered a sequel to "A Real American Wiggle", which was not only my first Wiggles crossover, nor only my first G.I. Joe crossover, but also my first fanfic for G.I. Joe in general, along with my first solo G.I. Joe fanfic, "A Birthday Celebration With The Abernathys", which introduced General Hawk's family into mine and BigMoose01's G.I. Joe fanfics.


One morning at G.I. Joe Headquarters, General Hawk was in his office after having breakfast with the other Joes in the mess hall. He was currently packing a duffle bag with the Denver Broncos on it. Why? Because he was going home on leave. Just as he finished packing his bag and zipped it closed, he heard his cell phone ringing, and when he grabbed it, he saw the name of his wife, Bernice, on the screen. He smiled as he swiped the green button.

"Morning, honey." he said. "Great timing, too. I just finished packing."

"Well, how about that?" replied Bernice. "So, can I assume I'll be seeing you soon?"

"You sure can." said her husband.

Just then, Hawk spied a framed photograph of him, Duke, Flint, Beach Head, and Sgt. Slaughter with the Wiggles, plus Jimmy Wiggle's wife, Princess Grace, that was sitting on his desk. The picture had been taken on the day the Wiggles were leaving G.I. Joe Headquarters after staying with them temporarily due to Wiggle House being infested with yellowjackets. Seeing that photo gave him an idea.

"Hey, Bernice, do you remember me telling you about the Wiggles staying here at Joe Headquarters while their house was being fumigated?" he then asked.

"As if it just happened yesterday." said Bernice. "And, you know, it's funny you should mention that, because I've been thinking about inviting them over to our house for dinner or something like that."

"Huh." said Hawk. "You read my mind."

"Did I now?" asked Bernice. "I guess today is full of coincidences."

Hawk shared a good chuckle with Bernice, the latter of whom spoke up again.

"Plus, I'm sure the kids would love to meet them." said Bernice. "I sure would."

"So be it." nodded Hawk. "On my way home, I'll stop by Wiggle House and give them the invitation."

"Alright." said Bernice. "Well, I better let you go now. See you soon, sweetie. I love you."

"I love you too, hon." agreed Hawk as he ended the call.

Hawk then put his phone back in his pocket, grabbed his bag, and walked out of the office, closing and locking the door behind him. Afterwards, he began making his way to the motor pool, running into Duke along the way.

"Going home, General?" asked Duke.

"I am indeed." said Hawk. "As usual, I'll tell Bernice and the kids you and the other Joes said hi."

"Thanks, General." replied Duke. "See you in two weeks."

"Likewise." agreed Hawk.

Hawk then continued on his way to the motor pool, where he climbed into his 2006 Jeep Commander and drove away, using the Google Maps app on his phone to help find his way to Wiggle Town, and by extension, Wiggle House. Meanwhile, at Wiggle House, Jimmy, Greg, Murray, and Anthony played Candy Land while Jeff slept in his Alarm Clock Chair and Grace played a game on her phone. Jimmy drew a card from the Candy Land card deck, and frowned when he saw what was on it.

"Rats! I'm still stuck in the Molasses Swamp." groaned Jimmy. "I've been here for three turns now."

Since Jimmy was unable to move his piece, Greg had his turn, and he smiled widely when he saw what was on the card he drew.

"Alright!" cheered the Yellow Wiggle. "I get to go to Gramma Nutt's Peanut Brittle House!"

Greg giddily moved his piece to the square next to said location on the board. Murray and Anthony soon had their turns, and now it was Jimmy's turn. When Jimmy drew his next card, he grinned a great big grin.

"Finally!" he cried. "A red card!"

Jimmy then moved his piece to the next available red square. Just then, the group heard the doorbell ringing.

"Who could that be?" asked Jimmy.

"I don't know." said Greg.

The Green and Yellow Wiggles went over to the door, and when Jimmy opened it, he, along with Greg, was very surprised to see Hawk standing on the doorstep. Hawk had politely taken off his helmet and was holding it in the crook of his right arm.

"Hello, Wiggles." said Hawk. "May I come in?"

"Oh, yes, of course, General Hawk." said Jimmy.

With that, Jimmy and Greg moved to allow the G.I. Joe commander to enter Wiggle House as Murray, Anthony, and Grace all stood up to greet their guest. It was then that Grace noticed that Jeff was still asleep in his chair.

"Guess we better do something about Jeff." she said.

"You're right." said Jimmy before looking at Hawk. "Care to assist us, General?"

"But of course." agreed Hawk.

"Alright." said Greg. "One, two, three."

"WAKE UP, JEFF!" everyone shouted.

Jeff jumped up from his chair upon hearing those three little words, and when he saw Hawk, he stood upright and gave him a military salute.

"Private Jeff Wiggle reporting for duty!" he said.

Hawk laughed.

"At ease, Jeff." he said.

Jeff relaxed as Murray spoke up.

"So, General, what brings you to our humble abode?" asked the Red Wiggle.

"Well, Murray, I'm going home on leave today." said Hawk. "And earlier, I was talking to my wife, and we were both wondering if you fellows would like to come to our house for dinner."

The Wiggles thought this was a great idea.

"We'll be there." said Greg.

"Excellent." smiled Hawk. "I had a feeling you'd accept, because I think this would be the perfect opportunity for you to meet my family."

"I agree." nodded Jimmy.

Hawk then took a notepad and pencil out of his jacket pocket, wrote something down, tore off the sheet he wrote on, and gave it to the Wiggles.

"Here's my address." he said. "Just call or text me when you're on your way."

"Will do, sir." said Jimmy. "See you later."

"You too." replied Hawk as he put his helmet back on.

After bidding goodbye to the Wiggles, Hawk left the house and drove off. The Wiggles all looked at each other.

"Boy, what a golden opportunity this is." said Anthony. "Dinner with the commander of G.I. Joe!"

"Not only is it a golden opportunity, it's also a great honor." added Grace. "I mean, it's not every day you get invited to a military leader's home for dinner."

"It sure isn't." agreed her husband. "Of course, this means we'll have to be extra sure we mind our manners."

"Right you are, Jim." chuckled Greg.

Later that afternoon, the Wiggles were on the road to General Hawk's house in the Cadillac Escalade version of the Big Red Car, with Jimmy at the wheel and Grace riding shotgun.

"I wonder what the General's house and family will be like." said Greg.

"Me too." agreed Murray. "I can't wait to see them."

"Well, you guys don't have much longer to wait." said Jimmy. "We're almost there."

They soon arrived at a two-story ranch house. The Wiggles gazed at the house as they got out of the Escalade.

"Huh. Pretty modest for someone who's the leader of America's daring highly-trained special mission force." said Greg.

"Well, now that we're here, let's see who's home." said Jimmy.

Jimmy, with his companions at his side, walked up to the front house and rapped on the door using the knocker. The door opened, and the Wiggles were face to face with Hawk, who was wearing a Denver Broncos jersey, a pair of denim jogging pants, and grass-stained white sneakers.

"Hey, Wiggles." said Hawk. "Glad you could make it. Please, do come in."

"Thanks." replied Jimmy.

As the Wiggly group entered the house, Hawk noticed Anthony holding something that was wrapped up in tin foil.

"What do you have there, Anthony?" he asked.

"Something I bet a million bucks you'll recognize once the foil is off." said Anthony.

"Noted." said Hawk. "Go ahead and put it in the fridge."

"Thanks." said the Blue Wiggle as he started for the kitchen. "By the way, what's on the menu?"

"Is hamburgers and tater tots alright?" asked Hawk.

"Fine by us." said Murray.

"Great." said Hawk. "But, first things first. Follow me."

Hawk then led the Wiggles into the living room, where he introduced the Wiggles to his wife, Bernice Abernathy, and his three children; thirteen-year-old son Clayton Abernathy, Jr., also known as "Clay", and eight-year-old son Scott Abernathy, and his (Scott's) twin sister Dorian. After getting the Wiggles acquainted with his family, Hawk went outside, grabbing an apron with the Denver Broncos logo on it and putting it as he did.

"Patties are in the fridge, dear!" Bernice called to her husband.

"Thanks, babe!" replied Hawk.

Bernice then turned her attention to her guests.

"Would you guys like anything?" she asked.

"No thanks, Mrs. A." said Jimmy. "We're good for right now."

"Okay." nodded Bernice. "Well, in case any of you change your minds, just help yourselves."

"Thanks." said Greg.

"You guys wanna see our room?" Scott then asked.

"Sure, Scott." said Jeff. "Lead the way."

With that, Scott and Dorian led the Wiggles upstairs to their bedroom, where the Wiggles were greeted to a room that had a bunk bed in a corner and walls that were painted with blue and pink vertical stripes. They could also see the room had Transformers and My Little Pony merchandise throughout, from toys to posters to bedding. There were also drawings and filled-in coloring pages of characters from the two franchises taped on the walls.

"Wow." said Jimmy. "Now that's what I call a collection."

"Thanks." said Dorian.

"And we're both proud of 'em, too." added Scott.

"What about your brother?" asked Jeff. "Does he have a collection?"

"Yep." nodded Scott. "He likes to collect records of his favorite bands. He even has his own record player."

"But that's not the only one." added Dorian. "He also likes to collect model cars and model planes."

"Interesting." said Greg, who suddenly made a smug face at Scott. "By the way, Scott, you have something behind your ear."

"I do?" asked Scott.

"Yep." nodded Greg. "Let me have a closer look."

Greg then reached behind Scott's ear and pulled out a half dollar. The twins were astonished at this.

"How did you do that?!" gasped Dorian.

"Tut-tut." said Greg. "A good magician never reveals his secrets."

Scott and Dorian just nodded in understanding. Jimmy then noticed a toy basket in a corner that had some sports balls inside it.

"Hey, how's about we all go through the ol' pigskin around while we wait for your dad to finish cooking?" he asked.

Everyone agreed, and after Scott grabbed a football from inside the basket, they all went out to the front yard, and it wasn't long before they were all busy running around back and forth with the football and throwing it around to each other just like real football players. Eventually, Hawk came out onto the front porch.

"Okay, who's hungry?" he called. "Dinner is ready and waiting!"

"You heard the man, Wiggles." said Jimmy. "Let's get washed up and ready to eat."

After going back inside to wash their hands, the Wiggles and the twins joined Hawk, Bernice, and Clay at the table, where Bernice was dishing out portions of tater tots as Clay set out ketchup, mustard, and relish bottles along with a platter of sliced cheddar and Colby Jack cheese, lettuce, and freshly-sliced red onions and tomatoes, as well as a jar of pickles. Hawk, meanwhile, was putting the burgers on each of the plates next to the tater tots.

"Boy, that looks great." said Anthony as everyone sat down.

Once everyone was seated, Hawk said grace, then everyone got whatever toppings they wanted on their burgers and began eating. As the Wiggles ate their burgers, they were quick to notice something about them.

"Wow." said Jimmy after swallowing a bite of his burger. "These burgers aren't like any burgers I've tasted before."

"You said it, Jimbo." agreed Anthony. "These even taste better than the burgers at Simon's Drive-In."

"If you don't mind me asking, Hawk, what kind of burgers are these?" asked Greg.

"They're elk burgers." said Hawk.

"No wonder these taste so good." said Jeff. "I don't think I've ever eaten elk meat before."

"That actually goes for all of us." agreed Murray. "Where did you find these?"

"Out in the wild." said Hawk. "When I'm on leave, I like to go hunting when it's the appropriate season, and one of my favorite game animals of choice is, as you can see, elk."

"Yeah, Dad's elk burgers are a big hit at barbecues, parties, and other get-togethers we're involved in." said Clay.

"He sure's proving it tonight." said Grace.

"Say, Hawk, may I have the recipe for these?" asked Anthony.

"Absolutely." replied Hawk. "In fact, they're super easy to make. Just scoop some ground elk meat into a patty press, season them however you'd like, throw them on the grill, and you're done. There's actually some more pre-made patties in the freezer on the back patio. Feel free to snag some as you guys leave."

"Thanks." said Jimmy.

The next person to bring a subject to the table was Murray.

"Say, Hawk, do you think we could hear that story about how you met your wife now?" the Red Wiggle asked. "After all, when you first mentioned her to us when we stayed at Joe HQ, you said that it was a story for another time."

"Sure, why not?" agreed Hawk. "I'll tell you after dinner, okay?"

"Fine by us." said Jimmy, who then looked over at Clay. "So, Clay, your brother and sister told us that you're a bit of a music nut."

"You betcha." agreed Clay. "I even have my own band."

"You do?" asked Greg.

"Yep." said Clay. "The Average Joe Band."

"He got the idea from an incident where Cobra tried to brainwash people into joining them by having Zartan and the Dreadnoks pose as a rock band called "Cold Slither"." Hawk explained. "After foiling that plot, Duke, Scarlett, Lady Jaye, Shipwreck, Footloose, Breaker, Rock 'n Roll, and Cover Girl all posed as another band called "The Average Joe Band" to please the crowd who came to see the Cold Slither concert. After we first told the kids this story, Clay got the idea to round up some of his school friends to form his own group, and when he asked if they could use the "Average Joe Band" name, we decided there was no harm in doing so and gave him the go-ahead."

"And after that, I started getting guitar lessons at an after-school Guitar Club at school every Friday." said Clay. "I did use one of the guitars the music department had available for the other students, but I later decided that I needed my own guitar, and Mom and Dad agreed, so I started saving up my allowance to buy one while earning some extra cash by helping the neighbords with yard work."

"And both me and his father are proud of him for doing that." said Bernice. "As a matter of fact, he even formed a little club with his friends and bandmates that works like a business where they earn money by helping our neighbors with all sorts of yard work, including mowing lawns in the spring and summer, raking leaves in the fall, and clearing snow from driveways and pathways in the winter."

The Wiggles were astonished as they listened to the story.

"You know, Clay, for a thirteen-year-old, that's very impressive." said Jeff.

"Thanks, Jeff." said Clay. "In fact, both Mom and Dad have told me and the twins that if there's something we want, we need to work for it."

"We get our money to buy the stuff in our collections from helping Mom with chores around the house." said Scott.

"Of course, the only exception to that rule is if we get something as a gift for Christmas or our birthdays." added Dorian.

"Quite right, sis." agreed Scott.

"So, Scott, who all is in the band with you?" asked Murray.

"Well, let's see." said Clay. "There's my best guy pals Mike on bass and Bill on drums, and two girls I'm friends with named Belinda and Mary. Belinda plays the tambourine and Mary plays the keyboard. We even dress up as some of the Joes as part of our act."

"Do you now?" asked Greg.

"Yep." said Clay. "Mike dresses up as Duke, Bill dresses up as Flint, Belinda dresses up as Scarlett, and Mary dresses up as Lady Jaye. I dress up as Dad. We mostly perform at school functions and stuff like that. Whatever the occassion is, we always make sure it's not on a school night and that it's somewhere our folks are okay with."

"Smart thinking." said Murray.

Just then, Clay had an idea.

"Say, if you'd like, I can play you Wiggles a song after dinner." he suggested.

"Yeah, that'd be nice." agreed Grace.

Hawk and Bernice also voiced their approval, and so, after everyone had eaten and cleared up the mess, the Wiggles were invited to take seats in the living room while Clay went upstairs to his room and soon came back down with an Epiphone Songmaker FT-100 acoustic guitar in a Natural finish. After taking a seat in a chair he had taken from the dining room table, he checked to make sure his instrument was in tune, which it was, before looking back at the Wiggles.

"You guys ready?" asked Clay.

"We're ready." said Greg. "Take it away!"

Clay nodded, then began playing his guitar while singing "Cracklin' Rosie" by Neil Diamond, with the Wiggles clapping along to the beat. He soon finished and bowed as the Wiggles clapped for him.

"Great job, Clay." said Anthony. "You can really play that thing well. Heck, you might even end up rivaling Murray."

"Hey!" snapped Murray.

Murray then grabbed a couch cushion and lobbed it at Anthony in a playfully combative gesture, which made everyone start laughing. After everyone regained their composure, Hawk came over to Anthony.

"Say, Anthony, how's about we see what's under that foil you brought now?" he asked.

"My thoughts exactly." nodded Anthony.

After Clay returned his guitar to his room, Anthony went back to the kitchen while everyone else sat back at the table. The Blue Wiggle soon brought over the foil-wrapped object.

"Here it comes!" he said as he brought it to the table.

Anthony set the object in the center of the table and unwrapped the foil, revealing a birthday cake pie just like the one he made on the Wiggles' first night at G.I. Joe Headquarters.

"Wow!" gasped Scott. "That looks delicious!"

"You said it, bro!" agreed Dorian.

Anthony, using a butter knife, then proceeded to cut the pie into eleven equal pieces, and it wasn't long before everyone was enjoying it.

"This is delicious, Anthony." said Bernice.

Clay and the twins agreed with their mother.

"Well, I'm glad you like it." said Anthony. "And, I've got a copy of the recipe right here."

He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a recipe card that he gave to Bernice.

"Thank you." said Bernice.

"My pleasure, Mrs. A." said Anthony.

Later, after everyone finished their dessert, while the kids went to do their own thing, the Wiggles sat with Mr. and Mrs. Abernathy on the front porch, where they were telling their guests about how they met.

"I met Bernice when I was still a cadet at West Point." Hawk explained. "She was working as a waitress at a diner me and my fellow cadets would frequent in our free time. And during that time, she had just broken up with another guy who wasn't particularly pleasant with her."

"That doesn't sound too good." grimaced Jimmy.

"It sure wasn't." said Bernice. "And the worst part is is that after we broke up, my ex began pleading with me to forgive him and wouldn't stop pestering me, even though I told him numerous times that I wasn't interested in him anymore."

"It got to the point where I was getting fed up with his nonsense." said Hawk. "So, during one encounter with the ex, I took matters into my own hands and gave him a heck of a pounding. Fortunately for both of us, that got him to knock it off for good."

"That's nice to hear." said Jeff. "But did you get in trouble?"

"Well, I did get asked to come in for questioning by the police, because someone saw what had happened and reported it." Hawk explained. "However, I didn't get into too much trouble, because during that incident, we had a mutual friend who was training to be a private investigator film the entire thing from start to finish, and the police were able to see that the ex was the instigator instead of me, and that I was acting in self-defense. And as luck would have it, one of the officers we spoke to that happened to be a friend of my father-in-law, so I got off with a warning."

"What about the other guy?" asked Murray.

"Oh, he got the book thrown at him real hard." said Bernice. "I actually pressed stalking charges against him. Not only that, but I also got a restraining order filed against him. He pretty much stopped bothering me after that."

"Soon after that, it was my graduation from West Point." said Hawk. "After my graduation was when we tied the knot, and that's also when we made that pact I mentioned to you guys where if another man tries to harass my wife, I'll drop whatever I'm doing and come to her rescue as her knight in shining armor."

Hawk kissed his wife on the cheek to prove this, which the Wiggles found sweet, especially Jimmy and Grace, the former of whom then looked at his watch and saw that it was a quarter to nine.

"Well, I think it's time we went back home to Wiggle House." he said.

"Alright." said Hawk. "I'll go round up the kids."

And that's what he did. Soon, the entire Abernathy family was gathered to bid the Wiggles farewell.

"Thanks for having us over, Hawk." said Jimmy as he and the other Wiggles shook hands with their host.

"Thanks for coming." replied Hawk with a smile.

After bidding a final goodbye to the Abernathy family, and after grabbing a package of elk patties, the Wiggles got back into the Escalade and drove off back to Wiggle House.

"I don't know about you guys, but I had a swell time meeting General Hawk's family." said Jimmy.

"So did I." agreed Greg.

All the other Wiggles voiced their pleasure of being able to meet the rest of Clan Abernathy.

"You think we'll get to see them again?" asked Jeff.

"Maybe." shrugged Murray. "We'll just have to wait and see."

"You said it, Murray." said Anthony.

As the Wiggles continued on their way home, they all pondered the possibility of seeing General Hawk's wife and children again, while still being pleased to be able to do so this first time.

The End