DISCLAIMER: I do not own Rizzoli & Isles nor any of the characters from the show. I am writing this purely for entertainment, not profit. Rizzoli and Isles are property of Tess Gerritsen and TNT.
Please find the full disclaimers in the beginning of Chapter 1.
Chapter 12
"I am not into women." Jane stated bluntly, sipping her cocoa, and feeling Maura stiff beside her. "But I am definitely into you, Maura…"
Maura relaxed again.
"I don't know what this all means…" Jane admitted. "But I know never anything felt so right as it felt when you kissed me this morning…" Jane blushed, and smiled sheepishly at Maura.
"I can echo that, Jane. I… I think it hit me what has been lacking in my relationships before: intimacy. That does not relate only to the sexual side of things, but with that closeness, the feeling of being emotionally connected and supported… When I am with you… We are so close…"
"Yeah… I can be just myself. There is no part of me to hide from you. You never run to the mountains when you see the ugly about me…"
"Neither do you…" Maura squeezed Jane's hand for emphasis.
They had lived through their fair share of the good, the bad, and the ugly with each other over the past ten years, but if anything, that had made them closer, inseparable.
"Where do we go from here?"
"I honestly don't know, Jane. I think we both are still very vulnerable after losing Angela. And I know my relationship track record is appalling, and the last thing I would want is to hurt you in any way."
"More than not hurting you, Maura, I don't want us to ever lose our friendship… Whatever else we decide to build, the basis has to always remain, this friendship. Even if, for whatever reason, a romantic relationship does not blossom."
"I can agree to that condition… You are the most important person in my life, Jane, you have always been that person… Before our kiss… The reason why I came here… Was that there was nobody else I wanted to spend my Christmas with, because I didn't want to feel lonely, and you are the person with whom I never feel lonely." Maura admitted.
Jane cupped Maura's face gently and lovingly. "So can we agree to go slow, and find out where this road will take us? And in the worst case we travel back to this point in the crossroads as the best of best friends?"
"Yes…" Maura closed her eyes, turning her face slightly to kiss the scarred palm of Jane's hand before leaning into Jane's touch.
Jane moved to lean back in the sofa, bringing Maura to lay half on top of her, holding her tightly.
"I am sorry that nothing here looks like Christmas…" Jane apologized, her fingers absentmindedly playing with the tips of Maura's silky hair.
"I also didn't decorate the house in Beacon Hill… I didn't see the point without you and your mother with me…" Maura admitted.
"I was sure you were going to go to Europe with your parents…"
"No… They always have a big reception, with a lot of people, that make me feel deeply alone. It is not a warm celebration full of family traditions like yours…" Maura explained, blushing.
"I never even bought Christmas ornaments after the apartment fire… And then, more lately, I…" Jane sighed, but continued with her admission. "I really had not planned to see Christmas this year…"
Maura didn't need Jane's admission – she had seen all the signs – but it was a huge step for Jane to say it out loud to Maura.
"I could see it last night, Jane. And I am really sorry that I had not realized it before. I am sorry I could not reach out to you in your pain..."
"But you did, Maura... You came. You are here. You did the one thing that could really help and that I could not even think of – bring real justice to Ma and Ron…" Jane added, grateful, her deep voice broken, hugging Maura's small body tightly against hers, and Maura sighed contentedly.
It felt comfortable. It felt grounding. For the first time in months, they both were feeling somewhat wholesome again.
They let the silence envelope them with its healing powers. And in the warmth of their embrace, they both fell asleep.
Jane woke up to Maura agitated and mumbling in her arms. Jane thought she heard her own name and 'no' a few times, but before she could gently wake Maura up, Maura jumped seating, and moved to straddle Jane, tears streaming from her horrified eyes as she scanned Jane.
Maura's hands moved urgently to pull Jane's arms by their long sleeves, pulling the cuffs up while the pads of her fingers pressed on Jane's wrists.
"Blood… So much blood…" Maura was muttering under her breath, hyperventilating.
Maura then tugged the hem of Jane's sweater, raising it until exposing the scar of the chest drain on Jane's torso, still reddish because it was still too recent. Again the pads of her fingers touched the scar.
"Blood…" Maura continued hyperventilating.
Jane didn't need to ask... Maura had a nightmare where Jane had slashed her wrists, her chest drain scar open like back in the hospital when Jane pulled out the drain cold-blooded. Jane was not sure how to calm Maura down, and she opted to let Maura see for herself that Jane was safe, sound, and in one single piece in front of her.
When Maura finally raised her face to Jane, Jane could see it washed in tears, the beautiful hazel eyes wide while Maura's nostrils flared as she hyperventilated, as if there was not enough air in the room. Jane looked at her calmly, warmly, lovingly, trying to convey reassurance.
Maura dived forward, her hands holding the two sides of Jane's face, Maura's mouth crashing against Jane's. Different than earlier that morning, this kiss was urgent, desperate… Lips, teeth, tongues crashing together. Jane had the impression Maura was drowning and Jane was a lifeline. Jane moved her hands to cover Maura's hips, before moving them to Maura's back, slowly running them up and down Maura's back trying to reassure and comfort her.
Time ceased to exist, and it was a long while later, when they finally broke the kiss, that Jane realized they had migrated to making out slowly and gently, all urgency gone, Maura's breathing and heartbeat back to normal, as if synchronized with Jane's steady one.
Maura kept her forehead connected to Jane's.
"I am sorry for scaring you up…" Jane offered, apologetically. "I did promise you, though. And you should know… I dreamt of my mother last night. I… I was… about to do it… and I heard her voice trying to stop me. When I apologized to her for what I did to her… She said there was nothing for me to apologize for… But there would be if I did it…"
Maura closed her eyes and sighed, relieved, before adding quietly. "Thank you, Angela, wherever you are…"
When Maura opened her eyes again, she saw Jane's kiss-bruised lips, and sat back, one hand raising to thumb Jane's lip gently.
"I bruised you, I am sorry…" Maura offered, apologetically.
"I am not…" Jane smirked smugly, waggling her eyebrows, and finally making Maura chuckle.
