chapter 9: The soldier and the sack
When Kara awoke, the darkness had receded and she saw the lights from the firepit in the main room of the tent, cast light shadows into the bedroom. She took a moment to take measure of how she felt.
She was definitely more refreshed than she had felt in weeks. She had had no nightmares and did not recall any sort of dream. She had been submerged into an encircling blackness to which her tired body had surrendered willingly. She had no idea of what time it was. By looking at the fragment of space below the tent near the ground, she guessed it was late in the evening. No light seemed to show through. She sat up quickly, realizing she had warned no one of her whereabouts and that Seraphine and Artyom could worry.
She pulled on her boots and slipped on her coat before sliding her satchel onto her shoulder.
She pushed the flap to the tent bedroom slowly, peaking to see if she was interrupting anything before sneaking out. The general was sitting by the fire, his gaze lost in the flicker of the flames. She would not be able to sneak past him to leave and so she made her way slowly. His eyes shifted to her and again, she caught a glimmer of loneliness and burden before he focused on her again. He regained his composure and laid back onto the cushions, " How did you sleep?". She shuffled her feet. " Well, Moi General. Thank you". He nodded briefly, his mind already wondering to the flames again. Kara took in a deep breath and decided to step forward to sit a moment with him. As she dropped her satchel and sat cross-legged, the general did not make a move, his eyes worried, looking elsewhere. She did not know what to say and so she focused her gaze on the flames as well. The warmth and gentle dancing of colors was peaceful. After a moment she realized he had been looking at her and turned her head to meet his gaze, " You look better", he said. She nodded, " I feel better". Another silence. She did not know what to say. His gesture of kindness by extending his hand to her in the darkness when she was frightened was still sharp in her mind.
" Would you want to come back?" He said softly. She seemed puzzled, and he added, " You could use another session or two of rest. You've been looking haggard for weeks". She laughed, " Is my face that gaunt and pale that I have your sympathy?". He shrugged, " Call it what you may, I offered you my help and one good rest does not in anyway pay my debt". She looked at him in wonder and he suddenly felt awkward which was not something that happened often. He bristled, " what?". She smiled softly, " nothing, I just did not expect the Darkling to be kind on his leisure time". He shuffled on the black cushion, " I am not being kind, I am being practical. An army without good healers is forsaken. I am merely allowing you to rest so that you may work efficiently". She did not seem to believe him. " All the same, thank you." She thought for a moment.
" It's only a bandage " she whispered. The general was puzzled, " I do not follow". She sighed and pushed her blond hair back with one hand, " Being able to nap efficiently a couple times with your help is only a temporary help, like a bandage on a wound. I still don't know how to avoid these nightmares long term." General Kirigan understood Kara's fear. He knew the only way to stop the nightmares was to understand their origin. He leaned forward and crossed his fingers together, " Is there a redundant theme in your nightmares? Shame? Anger? Fear?". She slouched back onto a pillow and thought over his question. " I guess I am afraid. I seem to always dream of those I could not save. I often dream of soldiers screaming for me to help them." She closed her eyes, breathing quickly. " They often swarm over me, grabbing at me, weeping and begging for me to save them. I am oppressed by their bloody hands. I suffocate under their weight. Then, I wake up".
She opened her eyes slowly, " I know it sounds silly, my mind keeps wondering if I could have done more for those I had to bury". The general seemed to show a new found respect and understanding. He rubbed his beard with one hand thinking it over, " Death is a natural part of life. It is futile to think you can save all the ones in your care." Her eyes narrowed and anger made her cheeks blush. " You don't think I know that? It is a thing easier said than done!". He raised a hand, meaning to stop her indignation, " I only mean that,as you are a competent and excellent healer, you do your best with what you have. I know general Biryukov thinks very highly of you. You have proven time and again that you are brave, innovative and compassionate about saving others. You are not powerless as you feel in your nightmares. You have power. Only death sometimes, cannot be cheated". He looked suddenly amused, " We are not in that folktale of the soldier cheating death with a sack".
She was puzzled and he looked surprised. " you do not know of that story?". She shook her head but she leaned forward, resting her hands on her knees, her eyes sparkling with intent, " Would you tell it to me?". he scoffed, " I am no storyteller but I can oblige in a brisk summary". He looked teasingly at her, " Who would have thought that you would rest and then ask for a bedtime story? Are you not aware that it should be done the other way around?". She chuckled, indeed finding the situation amusing, " Please, I love a good story. I have to understand what you mean if it can help me find a way to stop my nightmares". The general poured them both a fresh cup of tea and tried to recall the old tale, " A soldier went home after the war with nothing but 3 stale biscuits in his pocket. being a merry soul, happy to be alive, he shares his biscuits with a beggar along the road. Now this beggar, surprised by his kindness, offers him a sack, with a promise that anything called into it, would be there in a twinkle." He handed a cup to Kara whose gaze had not left his face as she was engrossed in his story. She caught it and listened intently, " Now indeed, the soldier found that when he was hungry, he could call geese into his sack. When he met with devils in a run-down castle, he was able to summon them into his bag and hold them captive until they promised to leave". The general looked into the flames, raising his cup to his lips. " He took one of these devils as a slave and later offered him his freedom in exchange for a cup allowing him to heal his sick son. This cup allowed him to see if death stood at the head or the foot of the bed of a bed-ridden person. If death stood at the foot of the bed, the sick would survive with a quick splash from the water within the cup. If death stood at the head of the bed, then the soldier would not be able to save that person." General Kirigan, placed the cup back onto the table after a sip, " luckily for him that time, death was at the foot of his son's bed."
Kara stood still, her pale eyes transfixed. The general continued, " The soldier did what he could to save the lives of the sick as he traveled across our country. Sometimes he could, sometimes he could not. One day, he was called upon by the Tsar who had fallen ill and found death standing at the head of the bed. He negotiated with death to leave the Tsar alive in exchange for his own life, to which death complied. The day death came for the soldier's life, the man took his sack and called death into it. The soldier did not die and for a while everyone rejoiced that death was a prisoner". The general leaned back, crossing his arms upon his chest, " However, after several years, the soldier saw more and more poor souls before his house, begging to let death be free. They were old, sick or in pain, waiting to be taken away by death and were now prisoners of life. No wars could be won as there we no casualties to mourn. The soldier realized the error he had made and went to free death from his sack". Kara took a sip from her cup. The general's voice was deep and calm, which did well to embellish the story. " When the soldier freed death, he offered his life as payment for his treachery but death was afraid of the soldier and fled. The soldier was condemned to continue on living, seeing the ones he loved leave him as the decades turned to centuries. Death would not come for him". There was silence as General Kirigan finished his tale. With a sad tone he added, " Kara, it would be a great evil to be able to prevent death. Some yearn for it, some cannot live and it is fate".
Kara understood what the tale meant. As a healer she hated the fact that should could not come to the aid of everyone carried to her infirmary on a stretcher. However, it was something she had to come to accept, since death cannot be fought, bound or cheated without consequence. She felt at peace somewhat, relief washing over her. She was surprised to feel a tear run down her cheek. She rarely cried and was shocked it had occurred without her knowing. The general looked down at his hands " I am sorry Kara. I did not mean for this tale to be a hard life lesson to learn. We have to learn to pick our battles. And a fight against death is one you cannot win, only keep at bay for a while". Kara wiped the tear from her cheek, " I wish I could have your wisdom. I hope I can take this message to heart." The general gently placed a hand on hers, " It is an honor to save a life. It is your humanity which gives you nightmares. See it as a weight that you no longer have to carry. You do your best, and that is more than enough".
She nodded, her eyes still prickling, announcing more tears to come. She did not want the general to see, so she gathered her belongings and made to leave. The general stood up as well, as Konstantin announced the entry of general Birukov. Kara bowed and stepped towards the tent flap when the general grabbed her arm gently. " My offer still stands, so long as we are on the road to Os Alta, you may seek sleep here. I cannot prolong the offer after our arrival to the capital". Kara looked at him kindly, " How is it that what I see of you had nothing to do with your reputation?". He chuckled, " Reputations are made and destroyed. Gossip transforms and mutilates the truth. I ask that you judge me by what you see with your own eyes." He released her and made for the back of the tent to prepare his next meeting. Kara left the tent quickly, as she felt locked away feelings rise to the surface. As she rushed out she nearly bumped into General Biryukov who was troubled to see his head-healer come out of the general Grisha's tent. She muttered a quick salute and headed away through the tents to the infirmary.
