This story even makes me sad when I write it. But anywhere, here's the next chapter!
Her hands involuntarily clenched into the fabric of her robe, the hood of which she had pulled deeper than necessary into her face. Although it wasn't her the media was leering at, it still felt like a pair of prying eyes lurked around every corner. They knew of her connection to the Jedi. Especially to Anakin and Obi-Wan.
The news had reached her unprepared during a Senate briefing. That Satine was dead... Padme could not believe it. She didn't want to. The Duchess had been a close friend. A person she could always trust. In fact, Satine had known that she and Anakin were married. Padme would have wanted to tell Obi-Wan, too. The man deserved it. But Anakin had vehemently refused and always got angry when she brought up the subject. There had always been an anger that Padme could not understand. And now to see the images of the confrontation... somehow, she felt guilty. Could she have prevented this? Should she have insisted more that Anakin finally spoke to his master and not bottled up the frustration?
But now it was too late. Padme stood before a pile of broken pieces of which she did not know whether she could ever repair anything again. Or if it was even her role to do so.
Through good times and bad. That was what they always said about marriage. But had Anakin gone too far? Was there any way that could even begin to justify this atrocity?
Padme could not imagine it. And the anger and disappointment over the man she was supposed to love grew by the minute. Not only had Anakin fled the scene - no, he had also broken Ahsoka out and now they were both wanted. Padme could only hope that Ahsoka could beat some sense into her master. If the girl even knew about Anakin's crimes. To be unjustly condemned was already bad enough, but now to be confronted with the fact that she could probably never see her Grandmaster again and that Anakin was also capable of such actions - that had to pull the floor out from under her feet.
Anakin left those closest to him severely traumatized, and Padme wondered if he even realized it - or cared.
Her feet carried her up the stairs to the jedi temple, its structure looming high above the other buildings on Coruscant. The wind blew harshly and made her shiver a little. Determined, she pulled her robe tighter around herself and continued to walk up.
She did not know what to say, had no words ready. But it was wrong to leave her friend on his own now. And so it came to pass that she now found herself under the scowl of the temple guard, who refused to let her in.
"The temple is locked down for the time being. That means no visitors," the man grumbled, visibly annoyed by her presence.
"Please," she pleaded, "I am a friend of Master Kenobi and would like to check on him."
The Jedi's gaze darkened and he leaned down a little on his staff toward her. "So were the claims of many reporters before you, Senator," he growled, "So, if you would be so kind as to leave now?"
"No."
The guard's eyes widened, giving Padme a good view on the large bags underneath the man's eyes. Sleep-deprivation, obviously. "No? Didn't you…?"
She interrupted him by rising her hand. "I did hear you, don't worry. But I am Senator Padme Amidala of Naboo and I have always been a supporter for the jedi. I can at least try to help if you let me."
The jedi bared his teeth. "And if you were the Chancellor personally, I. Won't. Let. You. In."
So that wouldn't work. Squaring her shoulders, Padme started a last, in hindsight a rather desperate, attempt.
"Would you abandon a friend in need?"
Groaning, the guard let his head rest against the staff in his hand. "Force help me," he muttered before raising his head again, "Senator, I don't know what you're trying to do here, but we're not getting anywhere like this."
Padme remained stubborn. "So your answer is yes?"
"No, of course not."
"Then why are you allowing one of your own to be left alone?"
The guard rubbed his forehead in annoyance. "Kenobi is not alone."
"Oh, he's not?", Padme raised an eyebrow, "As far as I'm aware, his own former Padawan severely injured him, and his grandpadawan is not here either. Not to mention his master who gave his life on Naboo many years ago."
She deliberately did not mention Satine, not wanting to get Obi-Wan in trouble. "So tell me, who else does he have? I'm sure anyone in his situation could use the support of a friend."
Shifting his weight, the guard blinked slowly. "You're not going to give up, are you?"
"Definitely not."
Sighing, the man glanced briefly at the temple, then back at her. "Fine, I'll let you in. But if I find out you're leaking any information to the media..."
Padme smiled placatingly. "I swear I have only the best intentions."
The guard took a step to the side. "Then let's go before I change my mind."
"Thank you." Bowing briefly, Padme then scurried up the remaining steps and entered the temple's entrance hall.
She had only been here a few times. Either it had been an official request or Anakin had smuggled her in behind the other Jedi's backs. Especially when his own master was not on Coruscant - away, on some mission on which Anakin could not or would not accompany him. Lately, the arguments between the two men had become more heated. Especially after Obi-Wan's undercover mission and his faked death. Anakin had never forgiven his mentor for that and let him feel it quite clearly.
As Padme walked through the almost deserted corridors, she realized how much the Jedi had to change because of the war. Fewer and fewer children were to be seen. Instead of peacekeepers, the Jedi now had titles like General and Commander. It was wrong, she could feel that even as an outsider.
No one stopped her. With her plain, brown robe and the hood pulled over her head, she might be mistaken for a jedi. Luckily for her, the way to the Halls of Healing was rather easy to find. She passed through the milky doors that separated her from her destination - and nearly collided with a Twi'Lek healer holding a patient file. Her hood fell off her head as she stumbled and was only stopped from falling by the healer in front of her who caught her by the arm.
She quickly straightened up again, somewhat embarrassed by the situation, and smoothed her robe a bit. "I'm so sorry Master Jedi…," she began but the healer cut her off.
"Senator Amidala? What are you doing here? The temple is closed to visitors." Her voice was sharp and Padme felt like she was shrinking.
Collecting herself, she crossed her arms inside the sleeves of her robe and met the woman's stern gaze. "I'm sorry for the intrusion, but I am concerned for my friend… Master Kenobi."
Immediately, the Jedi's gaze softened. "I see," she shifted the patient file in her arms so that she was pressing it in front of her chest with both arms, "Perhaps you should follow me to my office then."
Both women moved in silence through the long, pristine hallway, passing patient rooms and other healers who scrambled to look after the injured. It was a sight that made Padme's stomach twist. The war had taken so much. And it wouldn't stop anytime soon.
The healer stopped in front of a door and put her hand on a panel next to it, letting the door reveal the small room behind it.
"After you, senator," she said, motioning for Padme to enter with a wave of her hand.
"Thanks." She stepped past the woman into the office, astonished by the sheer amount of files piling on the desk and in the drawers around it. Realizing that she was somewhat frozen on her spot, she turned her attention back to the jedi who had moved behind the desk, adding the file to the pile. "I'm sorry but I don't think I got your name."
A small smile tugged on the jedi's lips. "My mistake. Somehow I'm used to people barging in here, already yelling my name," she held out her hand, "I'm Vokara Che, head healer."
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Master Che," Padme said, returning the handshake.
"Sit down," Master Che invited her, pointing to the chair in front of the table and then sitting herself down. "So you're here to see Obi-Wan?"
"Yes, we're old friends."
The Jedi watched her with an analyzing, deliberative gaze. "I take it you know what happened?"
"I saw the footage," Padme replied rather quietly, a sinking feeling in her stomach at the thought.
"Well," Master Che pulled out a very thick folder from the pile and opened it, pulling out a picture, "I'll be honest with you, Senator. It looks terrible. The video footage didn't even begin to capture the extent of it. And since I don't want my patients to be unnecessarily upset by possible reactions from visitors, I want to prepare you."
She put the picture on the table, but Padme couldn't bring herself to look at it yet.
"The burns were so severe that there was nothing we could do for him," the healer continued, "Master Kenobi has gone blind."
She had dreaded this moment since she had gotten the news and had tried to prepare herself for the worst but that didn't keep her heart from grinding to an almost painful stop.
Blind…
Anakin, what have you done?
Numbly, Padme lowered her eyes to look at the picture on the desk. Obi-Wan's face could be seen. A red, blistering wound stretched across his eyes, leaving the now milky iris pale in contrast.
"I can't believe that An... Knight Skywalker did this," she murmured, her gaze still fixed on the evidence of her husband's brutality.
If the Jedi had noticed her slip of tongue, she at least didn't let it show as she continued to speak.
"The why and wherefore will remain an unanswered question for us for a long time. Now we must try to help Obi-Wan... He hasn't been the same since the incident. He's confused, depressed... sometimes angry," as Padme looked up, she faced eyes filled with concern, "I don't know how to get through to him, Senator. He won't talk, not to me - not to friends. He's isolating himself and I am afraid we might lose him forever."
Although Jedi were trained not to show their emotions, the desperation in Master Che's voice was clearly audible.
"I don't know if he wants to talk to me, but at least I'll try," Padme said with forced confidence, though she wasn't sure about this.
Master Che still looked at her intently with a tight expression, but then nodded. "Okay, then, I'll take you to him now."
The Jedi rose from her chair and led Padme down the long corridor again, until they stood before a locked room at the end.
"Wait here a moment," the healer said, activating the door panel, "I want to talk to him first to see if he's ready for visitors."
"Of course." Padme took a small step back, hands clutching again in the fabric of her robe. She watched as Master Che disappeared through the door and Padme stood alone in the hallway. Her heart hammered in her chest.
What was she going to say? Was Obi-Wan perhaps even angry with her? Could she even look at him, knowing that Anakin had done this?
She felt sick and had to pull herself together to not throw up.
Briefly the thought came to run away, but she would never forgive herself for that. And Obi-Wan probably wouldn't either, knowing that she had been here.
A few minutes later, the door opened again and Master Che ushered her in. "He's on the balcony," she said in a hushed tone, "Is it okay for you if I leave?"
The fear inside of her made her almost say no. She did not want to be alone with him. She did not want to face this.
"Of course. Thank you, Master Che." Padme gave a shallow smile and bowed.
The Twi'Lek healer tipped her head in acknowledgement and then left, leaving Padme in the small hospital room.
Taking a deep breath, Padme stepped around the bed towards the open door which led onto the balcony. Immediately a chilly breeze hit her face, making the hairs on her neck stand up. But then she focused on the reason she was here. Obi-Wan. The man was sitting on a bench against the wall, dressed in a simple short-sleeved white shirt and light blue sleep pants. His auburn hair was a bit disheveled and his beard was also longer than how he usually kept it. He had pulled his legs in front of his chest, his arms resting on his knees. In his hands he held something attached to a cord, letting it wander between his fingers again and again, but Padme couldn't make out what it was. His face was turned away, but she could see his jaw working.
"Obi-Wan?" she asked cautiously, slowly approaching the bench but keeping a certain distance.
His fingers stopped moving, clutching the object tightly now. "Senator Amidala." His voice was quiet, rough. It lacked the warmth Padme usually knew from Obi-Wan. And there was suddenly a distance - almost a wall - between them that Padme wasn't sure she could overcome.
Senator Amidala.
Though she had repeatedly offered him to call her by her first name, he had never done so, if only perhaps to tease her a little. But now? There was no tease, no smile hidden underneath the beard. It felt like they were strangers.
Words got stuck in her throat and before she could decide to say anything, Obi-Wan beat her to it.
"Why are you here, Senator?" His head was still turned away from her. It almost sounded like a dismissal.
But Padme wouldn't back down like that. "You're my friend, and I came to check on you..."
Obi-Wan hummed, finally turning his face to her. Although she had already seen the injury in the pictures, it looked much worse in reality. Shocked, Padme forced herself not to back away. Instead, she bit her lips, drawing a little blood.
White orbs streaked with red, burst veins moved as if trying to see her. Obi-Wan paused for a moment before his brow furrowed, his eyes closing momentarily, and he turned away again.
"You're afraid." It was a simple statement, but still it made the sinking feeling in Padme's stomach return.
Of course, Obi-Wan sensed her emotions, perhaps even her thoughts. She watched as he pulled his legs closer to his torso, his arms wrapped around them. A tremor wrecked his body.
Taking heart, she finally approached and sat down next to him on the bench.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, "I didn't know what to expect."
"I'm not a monster," his voice trailed off, "Even though I may look like one."
Padme shook her head vehemently, even though she knew he couldn't see it. "No, Obi-Wan. It - it was never my intention to imply that. I'm sorry..."
A sad laugh escaped his throat. "Don't blame yourself, Senator. I can imagine how I must look."
"It doesn't change who you are."
Obi-Wan's posture stiffened and his fist closed tighter around the object in his hand. "And what am I? I failed so badly as a master that my own padawan attacked me. My grandpadawan I could not save from wrongful condemnation," his voice broke, "And my inability to slay the Sith when I had the chance cost me two people who I held dear."
Satine and Qui-Gon.
Padme remembered Naboo clearly. How Obi-Wan had carried the dead-weight of his master out of the reactor room, a blank expression on his face. Padme had ordered her guards to keep Anakin away, not wanting him to see the body. She had then rushed to meet the young jedi halfway, guiding him to a secluded room where he could lay his master down.
Obi-Wan had not said a word, not even when Padme had tried to address him. He had only stared at the lifeless figure before him, trembling all over.
She knew how all of this had ended. With a promotion to knighthood, a young boy dumped at his feet – and a promise made to a dead man.
Und then there was Satine. The woman had confided in her on her feelings about Obi-Wan. Padme had kept this secret even if she had wanted to tell Anakin sometimes. Just to get him to talk to his master.
The news had not reported what her cause of death had been. But from Obi-Wan's words, Padme could make sense of what had happened. The Sith of Naboo had survived - and now had taken revenge.
"What Anakin did was wrong. There is no defense for his actions."
"I don't know," Obi-Wan raised his hand as if he wanted to rub his eyes but stopped midair, only to let it flop back down onto his knees, "I think I had it coming for a long time. Anakin never really trusted me. And ever since my fake death... nothing was the same after that. I didn't want to take the mission, but the chancellor... he was so… so insistent that only I could take on this role." He huffed. "Well, in the end, I got the short end of the stick and had to do it. I was threatened that I couldn't tell anyone or there would be consequences for the Order."
Obi-Wan shifted next to her and Padme noticed that he was freezing. The air felt even colder as he spoke again. "Sometimes I wish that that sniper had aimed at my head. Or that I wouldn't have survived the fall afterwards."
"Don't talk like that," her voice was soft, pained by his words.
Padme watched how he squeezed his eyes shut and suppressed a sob. The grip on the object in his hand suddenly slipped and it tumbled to the floor with a click.
Not quite knowing how to help him or if she was even allowed to touch him, she bent forward and picked the little thing which turned into a necklace with a pendant off the ground. The cord was made of black leather and from it hung an elongated metal pendant with a bluish shimmer. Definitely handmade. It took her a moment to realize what she was holding in her hands.
Her eyes grew wide. "Is that...?" She glanced at Obi-Wan, who had now rested his head on his legs and was staring sightlessly into the distance.
"Yes," he croaked, "That's beskar."
Mandalorian steel.
Only one person could have given that to him. "You got it from Satine, didn't you?" she ventured to ask, her eyes never leaving him.
He nodded shallowly and held out a trembling hand without turning to her. Looking at the pendant again for a moment, she then gently placed the necklace back in his palm where he clasped it directly and pulled it back to him. The Jedi was silent for a moment, obviously searching for words, but Padme did not press him.
"She gave it to me when she left Coruscant after the Death Watch negotiations," he muttered, his expression incredibly distraught and sad, "She said I should see it as a reason to come visit her again."
And the next time they saw each other, she was murdered.
Padme's thoughts drifted to the wooden pendant around her own neck that Anakin had once given her. It wasn't fair that someone else could have everything taken away from them in such a brutal way while she had everything she could wish for.
Except that it was her own husband that had taken so much from his own friend.
"I'm so sorry…," she whispered, her heart clenching painfully.
Obi-Wan slipped the necklace back on and let it disappear underneath his shirt. His lips were pressed into a thin line.
"It's not like you can change what happened," he breathed, "And it's definitely not your fault."
"Maybe I should have talked to Anakin more. I've seen his anger brooding underneath his skin for a long time."
Straightening his back, Obi-Wan let his head flop back against the wall. "I saw that too, it's just... somehow, I felt like I was the cause and every time I tried to talk to him, I involuntarily made it worse." He paused. "I don't think you, as his wife, could have done much. And I wouldn't want Anakin to end up taking his anger out on you either."
Padme's breath caught in her throat. "You - you knew we were married? How? Did...?"
Obi-Wan's face twisted and he laughed hollowly.
"I knew there was something going on between you since Geonosis. I'm..." he faltered briefly, then regained his composure, "wasn't blind. That you were married I only found out by chance. Anakin doesn't know I overheard him." His voice became quieter toward the end and an almost uncomfortable silence fell between them.
Padme stared at him, unbelieving. "Since how long?", she whispered.
He pursed his lips and turned his head a little in her direction, the wound almost glowing in the setting light of the sun. "Maybe a few months. You two had talked on the comm. And were obviously arguing - at least that's what it sounded like. I had come home from a mission earlier. Thought he was talking to Ahsoka at first... So I went to check and when I was standing in front of his door I caught his words... that I should never know, that I am not trustworthy, that I wouldn't understand what it was like to love someone... and that I would rat you out to the council at the first opportunity."
She remembered this conversation. She had tried to persuade Anakin into confiding into Obi-Wan but he had almost exploded at that suggestion. Also, she recalled that Anakin had stepped outside his door briefly during their discussion, thinking he had heard or sensed something - but had found the apartment empty.
"Anakin told me that he was alone that evening," she spoke carefully, not wanting to make it even worse.
"Well, I…," his voice was suddenly so hoarse, "I left after that. Might have gotten myself drunk. Crashed at Dex's after that. Not particularly one of my highest moments."
Before Padme could say anything, they were interrupted. A young Jedi entered the balcony, obviously a little nervous.
"Master Kenobi...," the girl spoke, fiddling with the sleeves of her tunic, "I'm sorry to interrupt you, but some council members are here to speak with you."
Beside her, Obi-Wan groaned exasperatedly and let his feet slide off the bench. "Great..."
He ran a hand along his neck before addressing the other jedi. "Thank you, Padawan Dellian. I'll be inside in a few moments."
Padme watched as the Padawan shuffled away and then turned back to Obi-Wan. "They probably want to talk to you about Anakin."
The Jedi Master slumped his shoulders wearily. "That's what I'm afraid of. You don't have to stay; I don't want to keep you."
"No. It's okay. I'll stay... If that's what you want."
He seemed to think about it for a moment before shaking his head. "I don't want to drag you into this."
Padme frowned. Obi-Wan was closing himself off again. "You can't drag me into something I'm already a part of, Obi-Wan. Let me help you."
Unseeing eyes met hers. "The Council knows nothing of you and Anakin. It should stay that way."
"Then they won't know either, but that won't stop me from supporting you."
Obi-Wan sighed and muttered something unintelligible before turning back to her. "Fine...," he looked a little uncertain and embarrassed, "Eh... I could use a little help..."
He held out a hand in her rough direction, and Padme didn't hesitate to take it. Slowly he pulled himself up by her arm, swaying as he finally got to his feet. Padme tightened her grip on his arm, trying to make out something in his features. "Are you alright?"
"Just dizzy and a headache. That's all," he grumbled, "Let's go inside."
A little unsteadily, they moved back inside, where Padme spotted Master Windu and Master Mundi, already waiting. Not showing anything on her face, she proceeded with guiding Obi-Wan back to the bed where he sat down with a grunt, a pained frown on his face.
"Thanks," he pressed out between clenched teeth, discomfort evident in his voice.
But before for Padme could ask him if she should fetch a healer, Master Windu stepped in her way. "Senator Amidala, I wasn't aware that the temple was open for visitors again."
Padme opened her mouth to respond, but it wasn't her words that broke the silence.
"And I wasn't aware I agreed to talk to you. Let her be, Mace," Obi-Wan shot back from his position on the bed, unnaturally biting for his otherwise rather calm demeanor.
The Korun Master's face contorted as he turned to Obi-Wan. "I believe this conversation should remain among Jedi, Obi-Wan," he replied coolly. The man seemed on edge, as if he wanted to get something of his chest.
"Just as Ahsoka's trial should have been an internal affair," her friend laughed bitterly, "Don't be ridiculous. What do you want?"
Arms crossed, the Jedi wrinkled his nose in displeasure and let out an exasperated breath. "We need to talk about Skywalker and Tano. They're both wanted after your dispute."
If Obi-Wan was surprised by this news, at least he didn't let on. "Get to the point," he rumbled.
The Jedi Master glanced at her briefly before continuing to speak. "We need your help to find them. You're the only one with a strong enough connection to both."
With surprising agility, Obi-Wan suddenly leapt to his feet, anger written all over his face. Although he could see nothing, he still seemed to know exactly where Windu was. His face inches from the face of the other Jedi, the wide-open, milky eyes seemed almost demonic. "After all you've done, you dare ask such a thing of me?" he hissed, "For the sake that we might have once been friends, you're lucky I don't report you, Mace. Anakin may have hurt me, but you don't get to play innocent either."
Windu's eyes narrowed to slits. "I never claimed I was," he growled.
If Windu perhaps had seemed apologetic before, he no longer did, Padme noted. The stony, blank expression was back. But Obi-Wan could not see all that.
Obi-Wan didn't back down. "So you were aware of what could happen. The Senate would certainly agree with me that that would make you partly responsible for this incident."
"You're going too far, Kenobi," Master Mundi spoke up.
"I'm going too far?" Obi-Wan whipped his face around towards the Cerean, "All you ever did was using me to your wishes, even threatening me when I wasn't functioning like I was supposed to. I gave you all I had," he drawled, his voice was dripping with acid, "Tell you what, I'm done with all of you. If you're not cowards, you proof Ahsoka's innocence like we were supposed to from the start."
His chest rising and falling rapidly, he turned away from the two council members.
"Now get out," he snarled, his hands balling into fists at his side.
Master Windu looked like he was about to protest, but Mundi's hand on his shoulder stopped him.
Instead, he took a step back, signing his defeat for now. As both men moved towards the door, Windu turned around for a last time before exiting. It looked like he wanted to say something but decided against it in the last moment. Instead, he left in silence.
Padme watched as the door swooshed shut behind them before turning back to Obi-Wan who had slumped back down on the bed in the meantime, his eyes squeezed shut and hands twisting in the blanket underneath him.
"You okay?" she asked concerned, "Should I get Master Che?"
"No," he rasped, meekly shaking his head, "That wouldn't do any good. She already gave me painkillers before you came."
Her mind swiveled around how she possible could help him. "Is there anything I can do?"
"If you could bring me something to drink, I would be very grateful." It was a simple request that Padme was happy to oblige.
Easily spotting a sink and a cup, she moved quickly. Returning with the water in hand, she pressed the cup shallowly against his hand until he reached for it. She waited a moment for his trembling to subside before finally letting go of the cup.
After taking a few sips, he let the cup rest in his hand on his knee. He had lowered his head, would be staring somewhere at his feet if he was able to.
Padme looked at him for a moment. He looked incredibly tired, drawn out. Like he would crumble into pieces if you so much as nudged him. She was torn between being angry at her husband and putting up a front for Obi-Wan.
"You don't need to pretend that you're not angry."
He had caught onto her again. Sighing, Padme sat down next to him. "I know. It's just… I can't understand what has gotten into him."
"Anakin felt like I betrayed him. Me not being there when he needed me was only confirmation for him that I did not choose his side."
"Did he know that you were flying to Mandalore?"
Obi-Wan shook his head. "No. Although maybe I should have told him. It all happened so fast…," he paused, taking a strained breath, "The council denied my request to help Satine… I didn't know what to do. So I asked Anakin for his ship without giving him a real explanation as to why I needed it all off a sudden. It just didn't feel right to tell him right then."
He swallowed dryly. "Besides, Satine and I never got far beyond being friends," his voice was merely more than a whisper, "There just wasn't enough time..."
Padme knew that Satine had been hesitant. That she didn't want to keep Obi-Wan from his duties, that she knew how much he loved to help others. That she just wasn't able to take it all away from him even if she had wanted to for a long time.
And now she was gone. Taking a part of Obi-Wan with her.
"What do you want to do now?", she asked quietly, watching his hunched-over form.
He shrugged. "I don't know…This temple… all of this… it just doesn't feel like home anymore."
Will Padme's persistence be enough to help Obi-Wan? At least she is trying.
