Chapter 34
Two weeks later
Ahsoka watched solemnly as Obi-Wan limped out of the hospital, leaning heavily on the crutches he had clamped under his shoulders. His gait was uneven, the prosthetic obviously still a hindrance for him - besides the back brace that somehow held his back together.
He'd never talked about it - and she'd never asked in return - but you didn't need to be a doctor to realize that the thing was uncomfortable.
The doctors had done everything they could. They discharged Obi-Wan now, hoping he would get some rest - word had gotten out about his anxiety around medics. They had all received instructions from the doctors to provide Obi-Wan with the best possible support. Even if he couldn't - or didn't want to - accept that others had to help him. Ahsoka wasn't sure if it was pride or shame that kept him from doing so.
A blue scarf was wrapped around his neck, effectively hiding the collar Ahsoka hated so much.
Dex and her quickly approached him, meeting him halfway.
"Good morning, ol' man," the Besalisk greeted the other with a grin.
Obi-Wan lifted his head and quirked up an eyebrow. "And here I thought you were starting to hold back on me," he quipped back, one of the most genuine smiles Ahsoka had seen in a while creeping on his face, "But good morning to you too… you relict." Dex only looked mildly surprised by the response.
The wind ruffled Obi-Wan's hair, exposing his graying temples. Ahsoka couldn't help but laugh.
"What's so funny?", Obi-Wan asked, tilting his head in her direction.
"Oh nothing," she snickered, "I just missed this."
Obi-Wan huffed and started hobbling forward again. "Let's get going, shall we?", he proposed, "… I don't know how long I am able to keep standing…"
"Of course, the ship's straight ahead." Dex gently put his hand between the other man's shoulder blades. It looked like a friendly gesture, but Ahsoka knew that he did it because he was afraid that Obi-Wan might stumble.
Nevertheless he made it up the ship's ramp without an incident, coming to a halt on the top.
For a moment, Ahsoka was confused until she realized what he was waiting for.
Directions. He has no way of knowing where to go.
"You have to turn left now," Dex explained, "It's maybe four steps until you reach the door to the cockpit."
Obi-Wan tipped his head in understanding and began moving in said direction. As he reached the door, it opened with a hiss, revealing Padme in the pilot's seat.
The senator turned around, smiling as she stood up. "Hello Obi-Wan," she greeted lightly, embracing him carefully, "It's good to see you finally up and about."
Obi-Wan gave her a wan smile and slowly returned the gesture by lifting one of his hands from his crutches to her back. "Thank you, Padme."
Padme stepped back, studying the man closely. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine." It was Obi-Wan's usual answer if someone voiced their concern – but somehow it came out with less strength than normal.
Before they could discuss further, Dex intervened. "Let's prepare for take-off, shall we?"
Padme re-seated herself on the pilot's chair while Ahsoka silently took up the seat behind her. Dex seemed to whisper something into Obi-Wan's ear whereupon the man turned slightly to the right, using one of his crutches to locate the chair meant for him. As his crutch made contact with the durasteel with the chair a hollow noise echoed through the ship but everyone decided to ignore it.
Ahsoka forced herself not to stare as her grandmaster made his strenuous way over to the seat and awkwardly sat down with a pained grimace on his face. With the back brace on, he had no chance on bending his lower back, making every move he made seem somehow uncoordinated.
He leaned the crutches against his leg and buckled himself up, unbeknown of the pair of eyes that was watching him.
In the meantime, Dex had also sat down and not soon after their ship lifted off the ground.
They were going back to the farm, Cliegg and Shmi having offered to take them in. Obi-Wan had taken that information in without saying anything and Ahsoka had wondered if it was bothering him.
But they didn't have a choice.
The flight thankfully wasn't long and soon they exited the ship again, the all familiar smell of farmland reaching their nostrils. Obi-Wan had taken a few steps from the ship before he had stopped again, an unreadable expression on his face.
"Everything okay?", Ahsoka asked cautiously as she returned to him.
"Hm? Oh… I," Obi-Wan stumbled over his words before shaking his head, "Sorry… it's just strange… being here again."
"There are lot of memories, aren't they?"
He pressed his lips into a thin line and nodded. "You could say so."
"If you want to talk about anything…," it was a quiet offer, free for him to accept or decline.
"Thank you, Ahsoka…," he forced a smile, "… but not right now."
"Okay," she breathed, watching how his milky eyes flitted over the landscape. Sometimes she wished she could share what she was seeing with him.
"You want to join us inside?", she finally asked, "I think Shmi and Cliegg prepared some food."
Something shifted on Obi-Wan's face. "I…," he hesitated, obviously struggling with his answer, "… yes, of course."
His expression turned blank again.
But Ahsoka knew what she had seen.
Sadness. Grief. Pain.
Quietly she led the way, holding the door open for Obi-Wan as they reached the house. He limped past her, only stopping shortly to run one of his hands first over the wall and then over a small dresser which had been pushed against it. His brows furrowed momentarily as if something confused him but the emotion was gone before Ahsoka could ask him what he was pondering about.
Without needing directions he hobbled forward into the kitchen, catching up with Padme and Dex who had already greeted Shmi and Cliegg.
Ahsoka quickly joined them, the smell of freshly cooked dinner reaching her nose.
"Sit down," she heard Shmi say firmly as she entered the room and watched how the woman pushed Obi-Wan, visibly disgruntled, onto one of the chairs.
"I'm not-," Obi-Wan started but Anakin's mother cut him to it.
"It's okay, dear," she smiled, "Relax. We have more than enough helping hands."
Her grandmaster's shoulders slumped visibly and he kind of seemed hurt by her comment. Ahsoka shortly pondered why until it dawned on her.
He thinks he is a burden.
Before he had people who had depended on him – and he still has – but with his independency constantly taken from him he probably started feeling useless.
She took the seat next to him as a pot of soup was set down on the table and then divided onto plates.
Ahsoka couldn't help herself but dig right in, only stopping when she noticed that Obi-Wan was barely eating. The man was absently stirring the soup with his spoon.
Observant as she was, Shmi also quickly took note. "Obi-Wan, is everything okay?"
He froze, seemingly caught off-guard. "Of course," he answered tight-lipped after a moment, "Like I already mentioned to Ahsoka, it's just strange to be here again."
Everyone at the table eyed him carefully. "I understand," Shmi eventually said, "If there is anything we can do…"
"I know," Obi-Wan interrupted her, his hand clenching around the spoon, "… I'll let you know if I need anything."
The silence that followed was almost unbearable. Still, Ahsoka would have preferred it to the question that came next.
"What is your plan now?" Cliegg started again, letting his gaze wander around the group.
I didn't want to talk about it yet.
"I'm afraid we can't stay any longer," Padme supplied, "So Dex and I will leave for Coruscant tonight."
Obi-Wan's ears perked up at these words. "You're leaving?" he asked, irritated, "Why didn't you say anything?"
"We wanted you to focus on your healing," Dex replied undeterred.
A sour look crept on Obi-Wan's face as he turned his head away and it made it even harder for her to say what she needed to say.
"… and I wanted to join them," she told him quietly, "… to get some stuff… say my goodbyes…"
His jaw clenched and he swallowed hard. "Alright," he acknowledged silently, a sense of betrayal radiating of him.
Their conversation died down again after that and no one dared to start another until dinner was finished.
Silently, Ahsoka helped the others clean up, avoiding having to look at Obi-Wan who still sat unmoving at the table. Maybe they should have given him a heads-up.
But there was no going back now.
Sooner than she'd liked they were done and all they needed to do was leave. Somehow this was the hardest part.
Obi-Wan unsteadily got up from his place with a frown that spoke of discomfort and propped himself up on the table to find his balance. He then took hold of his crutches again, fixing them with unseeing eyes after he finally found his footing. "So this is it then?", he asked.
"Yes," Padme returned, her face pinched with concern, "… I'm sorry about not telling you this earlier."
He shook his head in response. "No… it's okay. You were probably right," he paused shortly, looking thoughtful, "…It's just that I still have no idea how to thank you for all of this."
"I owe you my life," his eyes glistened as they flitted over them, "I won't be able to ever repay you for this."
"You don't owe us anything," Dex subjected, squeezing his friend's shoulder, "You would have done the same for us."
Obi-Wan flashed him a smile that didn't quite reached his eyes. Ahsoka didn't need the Foce to see that something was bothering him.
A few more words were exchanged but she didn't really pay attention. The Force was buzzing but she couldn't understand what it was supposed to mean. She shook her head in an effort to clear her thoughts.
Having said their goodbyes, Dex and Padme already walked ahead to the ship, accompanied by Shmi and Cliegg, leaving her alone with Obi-Wan in the kitchen.
"You seem distracted," he noted, his perception still on point.
Ahsoka crossed her arms in front of her chest. "And you are bothered about something," she countered.
His scar twitched as he furrowed his brows, the air thick with tension. "I don't know what it is," he finally relented, "… I just feel like I should remember something and… that knowledge gives me a bad feeling, that's all."
"What should you remember?", she asked, the weird sensation in the Force returning.
Obi-Wan hobbled over to the counter and leaned against it, putting his crutches aside in favor of reaching up to stroke his beard.
It was such a familiar gesture but somehow it unnerved Ahsoka now.
"I know that there is a gap in my memories," he explained, a stricken expression on his face, "…Between the prison and Arbor's lab."
"The doctors said that it is normal not to remember everything…," she tried even though she was unconvinced herself.
Her grandmaster shook his head vehemently. "No… it's not that… It's that I just know that whatever I am missing was important."
The Force nudged her again and she had a hunch what he might be missing. "Obi-Wan… do you remember Chancellor Palpatine being there with you?"
His face pinched in concentration before he again shook his head. "No… should I?"
Ahsoka nervously shifted on her feet and licked her suddenly dry lips. "He probably was the one to send you to Arbor's lab… I know that doesn't make sense."
He let the information sink in while staring into nothingness. "Is that all?", he blurted out, still unconvinced.
"That's all I know," she pressed her lips into a thin line, "… sorry."
"Alright," Obi-Wan tipped his head, "…Promise me you will be careful."
A small smile crept on her lips. "I always am."
"I am serious, Ahsoka."
A lump formed in her throat. "I know," she responded sincerely. The Force again whispered something intelligible, as if it was unsatisfied with something. "… will you join us outside?"
"Of course." He took hold of his crutches again and pushed himself off the counter, motioning for her to go ahead.
As they stepped outside Ashoka noted that the sun had begun to set, casting long shadows over the farm. Somehow it felt like they were dark harbingers, even if she didn't know what they heralded.
It left her with an uneasy feeling.
The Force still felt murky, like a thick veil of darkness was trying to settle down.
She turned to Obi-Wan one last time and pulled him into a hug before she could think about it further. "I will be back in a few days…," she squeezed him tighter before stepping back again, "… try not to die while I am gone."
He didn't smile at her attempt of humor. "I'm more worried about you… all of you."
Ahsoka wondered if he might have sensed something if he still had access to the Force. If he shared the same sensation of dread as her.
"Everything will be fine," she said – or lied, "… try to get some rest."
She then forced herself to walk away, up the ship's ramp and into the cockpit where Dex and Padme were already waiting.
"Are you ready to set off?", asked Dex, as she settled down in the seat behind him, sparing her a glance.
"Yeah," she answered, letting out a breath in an attempt to push down the feeling of uneasiness, "Let's go."
The Force continued to whisper.
It only got louder when she set foot on Coruscant hours later.
